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In my short life I have experienced most of the trials and tribulations life seems to offer. I will not go into detail but there are a lot of issues I have been directly or indirectly involved with and it has given me good insight into what makes people act the way they do.
I have been engaged to my finance for almost 10 years and lived with him for almost 7. We have gone through our ups and down and I have learnt alot and I wanted to share some of my experience and see if it can help anyone out there going through what I did.
I am empathetic and understanding and generally look at the bigger picture and I don't believe that everything is black and white.
I have two mottos that I think about often and they are: 'it is better to regret the things you have done in life than regret the things you havn't' and 'nothing that is worth having in life is easy'
I will be happy to talk to you anytime...
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My girlfriend's sex drive has gone!
Q. hey, my girlfriend and i have been dating for 3 years...on and off, but she doesnt have a sex drive anymore. nothing at all, and she gets mad at me when i hint off or tell her that im still taking interest in you, and i want you etc etc also, on ...
A. 3 October 2007: There are several reasons why she has lack of sexual desire, and could be any of the following: she could be exhausted (physically or mentally). Is she generally getting enough rest? do you know if she is dealing with any issues at home or work?. ... (read in full...)
Ended a 5 year relationship and returned to college... but feel so down with my new life and wonder if I'll ever meet a guy!
Q. Ive recenty came out of a 5 and a half year relationship which should have really ended 2 years aga. Ive returned to college as amature student and have moved away from my family and friends. Im feeling so down and i think im never going to meet a ...
A. 3 October 2007: It is a new life so it will not be the same as your old one...but is that such a bad thing? Remember you must have disliked your old life or you wouldn't have needed the change.
It is not always easy to adjust to change and it sounds like you... (read in full...)
I cheated on my fiance with a guy we both use to work with
Q. I cheated on my fiance with a guy we both use to work with. My fiance and I are no longer together. I am no longer working with the guy I cheated with. My ex fiance is also no longer working there. I really like this other guy a lot. So my ...
A. 3 October 2007: I am inclined to say no, he is not off limits to you.
I assume that you have been finished with your fiance for some time and he is not friends with this guy, so he doesnt really feature in this equasion anymore.
I couldn't say how he would... (read in full...)
He said he was 'bored with our relationship" and it hurt! What should I do?
Q. What does it means when your bf text message you with: "I am bored of us".." every day is the same..."hi..good morning.. good night.." . I am in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend..and we talk on the phone; but lately he's been very ...
A. 3 October 2007: My initial thought was he sounds awful for being so calleous and cold hearted. You don't deserve to be treated like this and if you let him lower you self confidence, you will end up a shadow of your former self.
People do get bored in relation... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or am I overreacting??
Q. Ugh! I feel I am going crazy and I need some advice from you all -- regarding cheating. First of all I'd like to state that I am pregnant and since becomming pregnant I've not been my usual self, so I feel I can not see clearly at times. Anyhoo, ...
A. 1 October 2007: I feel so bad for you having to go over all this in your mind, it will drive you crazy no doubt but I urge to properly sit down and talk to you partner about this and try and keep yourself calm about it (which you do sound like you would do anyway) ... (read in full...)
I got called and Elephant and took it to heart. What is the average weight for a 5'3 girl anyway?
Q. Hi! I have had this problem for 3 weeks now and it's making me feel so down, drained, and depressed! To put it in a short version....well....I got called fat (an elephant) and I took it to heart and I starved myself for about 3-4 days....but...
A. 1 October 2007: I am so sorry to hear that some immature boy or girl called you that name. But remember that is all they are, some kid that doesn't know any better and you should not risk your life over them.
Speak to your mum and tell her how upset you are,... (read in full...)
How can you find out what your partner really thinks about you WITHOUT asking?
Q. how do you Know what your partner really thinks about you,without asking them. how do you know if he thinks your to clingy, to full etc ? plz reply?...
A. 1 October 2007: Good question and I wish I knew a definite answer to that one - for my own reference if anything. I can tell you what I did when I used to think that and it was to keep asking him and that eventually drove him mad, so I wouldn't recommend you keep ... (read in full...)
To be in love with two people at once, is it possible?
Q. is it possible to be in love with two people at once? i know u can love two people at once, but can someone be in love with two peops at once? any opinions? my friends girlfriend recons she's torn b'cus she is inlove with two men. is it possible?...
A. 23 September 2007: Anything is possible. Sounds cliche but what is to be in love?, it is very complex and I believe it depends entirely on the person. We all have our own interpretations of love and she gets something from both these men obvisouly. I have known o... (read in full...)
My gf told me she needed some time during which she'd see other men to clear her doubts, does this mean breaking up?
Q. My girlfriend just told me a couple of days ago she needed some time and space to think about what she wants and if she wants to see others to make sure of things. Does this mean she wants to break up or something else?...
A. 23 September 2007: I am sorry you are going through this. Its a horrible situation and must be playing havoc with your mind. I don't know how long you have been together and/or any of the background that led up to this but I suspect she may have been feeling unh... (read in full...)
My bf told me he slept with a married woman 14 years ago, should we continue this if our moral compasses are so far apart?
Q. My boyfriend slept with a married woman about 14 years ago at work. He wants to forget about it but since he has told me, it practically broke up the relationship because it is something I would NEVER do (I've always thought people who do this are ...
A. 23 September 2007: This is obvisouly something that is troubling you very much and in order for you to move forward you need to learn to forgive him. Sounds odd me saying that when he never directly did anything to you, but he has been punished enough about this and... (read in full...)
So hurt after our break up, but we both want to try again! What can I do?
Q. Hi Everyone. I need help sorting my head out. My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years together. After quite a few conversations in between then and now, we decided to try and make it work again. He was the one though that ...
A. 23 September 2007: I suspect you already know what to do, deep down. From what you say your heart is trying to tell you that you do not really have that connection that you need from this guy.
Your head is telling you that you have a guy here that thinks the worl... (read in full...)
I fancy a guy, but I think he hates my guts. Any advice how I can approach him?
Q. Ugg... Dude, I hate love. Ok, well, there's this boy in school. I'm 14 and he's 16. Well I was friends with one of his close friends, who is also 16. When I was hanging round with him, I used to p off this other boy becasue I just did'nt like h...
A. 23 September 2007: My suggestion would be to tell him. You don't sound like a shrinking violet so I think you can handle whatever the result is, bearing in mind it could go either way but then atleast you will not spend valuable time thinking about him. If he says ... (read in full...)
If I could I'd express my love to him now, but 14-15 is a bit young to lose my virginity, is it not?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are soo in love, we've been together for almost a year [11 months and 22 days] And we've discussed having sex for the past few months, i am not pressured at all and we're very matture about the subject. We've discussed contrcep...
A. 23 September 2007: I tend to think that if you are confused about this and you need to ask people's advice, then you should really listen to what your heart is telling you. You are not really ready, by that I mean you are not ready to make that decision yet.
... (read in full...)
It seems like my boyfriend and I are growing apart. Should I be worried?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 7 months. In the beginning, everything was all great but now it seems like we're growing apart. Our conversations are filled with pauses (never used to happen) and it seems like lately he's been ...
A. 23 September 2007: The pauses will inevitably happen on you part because you are worrying about your relationship and probably want to know what he is thinking all the time.
He will get those vibes from you and your lack of confidence will be so obvious. Of cours... (read in full...)
I know it's a common question... but I'm also in love with my teacher!
Q. Yeah... its another ''im in love with my teacher'' question. The truth is i do love him :( and i think he may be interested or maybe attracted to me... thats what i would like to know off of everyone, if he is attracted to me or whatever im cool ...
A. 22 September 2007:
I once fancied my teacher at high school and because I fancied him I looked into everything that he said/did and actually convinced myself that he liked me back, but looking back he was just being friendly. But your teacher makes is easy for you ... (read in full...)
He seems to be losing his patience with me, and I don't want our relationship to be a burden for him! I'm getting depressed.
Q. Hi DearCupid. For the past few months, I have been getting more and more depressed. I have just started my final year of A-levels, and already I feel like I'm getting lost in it all. I can't concentrate any more. My home life is volatile, with my ...
A. 22 September 2007:
It sounds like there are three major things going on in your life at the moment, your studying for A levels, your relationship with you mum and then your relationship with your boyfriend.
Regarding your A-levels I would suggest that you tal... (read in full...)
Can someone explain the reasoning behind what people talk about as "stains" in a males' underwear and how that relates to possible cheating?
Q. I feel a bit uneducated in this matter and want someone to explain the reasoning behind what people talk about as "stains" in a males underwear and how that relates to possible cheating? Could someone enlighten me on what this is all about please...
A. 20 September 2007: not to trivialise your concern but I agree with penta. I don't want to mull over the range of stains possible in mens underwear for long, so I can simply put your mind at rest that this does not provide evidence to a person cheating.
I have kno... (read in full...)
Is there any way that I can help my friend, who is dating someone much older?
Q. Am worried bout my friend shes 16 and has been spending alot of time with an older man hes 48 - thts older thn my dad!! few months ago her parents found out - she was still 15 then anyways they contacted the police n he was gunna b done for b...
A. 20 September 2007: I understand you are extremely worried about your friend and it is a very large age difference. I personally like you worry about a man of 48 being interested in a 16 year old girl. Never a great sign, they should really know better. I mean if ... (read in full...)
I've been with him for 7 years, and I think we are losing each other
Q. me and my boyfriend we've been together since 7 years but we have some fights in the middle but lately we had alot of fights and im afraid that i feel we are loosing eachother i love him and he loves me but i feel that he dosent care anymore i feel ...
A. 20 September 2007: I read this and is brought back feelings similar to my own, with my current partner, whom I have been with for 10 years. It was just after our 8th year and I, like you began to get this very strong feeling that I was losing him. We were arguing ... (read in full...)
She's not in love with me, but she still keeps calling me
Q. Has anyone fallen back in love with the person they fell out of love with ? My girlfriend of 3 years told me she loves me but is not in love with me so she broke up with me. When she did she said that with all of her exes she knew it was over but ...
A. 20 September 2007: Some would say it is not possble to get that in love feeling back, but I would say from past experience that yes it is possible.
My current partner told me some time ago now that he loves and cared for me but was not in love with me, similar ... (read in full...)
I have not had a period in 2 weeks now, I have done pregnancy tests and all negative.
Q. I have not had a period in 2 weeks now, I have done pregnancy tests and all negative. I was on the microgyon pill and missed 4 pills 2 in the 2 week and 2 in the last week. My periods are always on time and i am never late only when i was pregnant ...
A. 20 September 2007: It is possible for stress to cause a delay in your period. I encountered this myself a few years ago and got very worried about it and did a test but it was negative. It was in total 3 weeks late. As I say nursing staff assured me it was likely ... (read in full...)
I think I have fallen for my wife's sister!
Q. i have fallen in love with my wife's sister. i think she feels the same way for me. should i tell her how i feel about her or just keep this to myself?...
A. 20 September 2007: I recommend you keep it to yourself. This is not something that will do you, your wife or her sister any good.
Her sister is likely just being nice to you because she trusts you and probably cannot imagine that you feel this way.
Over an... (read in full...)
Is it weird I don't want a guys night out? My buddies are upset when my wife comes out with me!
Q. Is it weird i don't want a guys night out? I'm 24 and married. I'm a very social guy and prefer group dates and parties and just generally any situation that involves a lot of people. My friends that I have from before meeting my wife will som...
A. 19 September 2007: It is equally normal for you to want to go out with your wife and socialise in groups rather than a lads night out as it is normal to have the odd night out with your mates withour her. At the end of the day it is your life and you do whatever you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is a pornography addict!
Q. Hi, Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 months now. 5 months ago, he told me that he had an addiction to pornography. I was really upset at first, but then decided to stay beside him, be a prayer support, and try to get him through it. Thin...
A. 19 September 2007: I went out with a guy for a few years with the same problem. I am not naive I was aware that guys have interest in porn and thought it was natural when we first got together because he was single so I thought no more about it.
but then we move... (read in full...)
I feel like I am getting into a state of depression over my relationship...
Q. PROBLEMS!! Not sure what to think, but I feel like I am getting into a state of depression over my relationship. I have been in plenty of longterm relationships in the past where the man has cheated and I took him back, etc. But this relationship ...
A. 19 September 2007: There maybe a perfectly innocent explanation why he is not ready, but I cannot think of many. It could be that he fears committment or just is not keen on sharing his space. but one things for sure it is not a case of 'too much too soon' - After 4 ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so upset after splitting from such a short relationship?
Q. I just finished seeing a guy who I really liked. We were only together for 2 months but Im actually really upset over it. We got on really well but I felt like it was me who always made the effort and always found myself chasing him, although wh...
A. 19 September 2007: Poor thing, you are mentally exhausted by the sounds of it. Your head has probably been going round and round for those 2 months trying to analyise what is going on with him.
Without stereotyping, I believe men do not seem to have the same tho... (read in full...)
Why do I constantly feel inadequate or inferior to other people?
Q. Why do I constantly feel inadequate or inferior to other people? I never think that I am better than them even if I have a nicer personality or am prettier etc. And I really hate it when im with a guy and I know his ex's and they are pretty. I ...
A. 19 September 2007:
I used to feel like that, still get episodes now and again when I feel slightly inferior to people or I try to act a certain way to met people's expectations, then I catch myself and think 'wait a minute, im part of this universe and as welc... (read in full...)
We live in a really high crime and polluted area b/c my husband doesn't want to quit his job! Help!
Q. I hate where my husband and I live. I've lived here all my life (I'm 25) and my husband (24) moved here about 6 years ago. It's been fine up until the last several years. Now, for some reason, everything about this place is taking a dive. We b...
A. 19 September 2007: I sympathise with you on this one because you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. I share your concerns about raising children in a polluted and high crime area. What is the point of having a dream job if you spend most of your time ... (read in full...)
Shouldn't I be over my ex after a year???
Q. hey my boyf of nearly 3 yrs broke up with me over a year ago and i still miss him? he moved on pretty quickly and is now in another relationship. i did really love him (sometimes i still think i do?) but should i not be over him by now?? when will ...
A. 18 September 2007: I always compared splitting up to a form of grieving, although somehow it is more difficult at the begining (if that is possible) i suppose because a death is final and there is no real acknowledgement on how difficult it is to mend a broken ... (read in full...)
My wife is always putting me down. Sometimes I hate her, But I love her, if that makes sense. What can I do?
Q. ok here you go: I am married with children. Love my kids to death. I love my wife, but not as a wife. That may sound confusing, but let me explain. She is not a nice person at all, she constantly downs me and talks to me like I'm meaningless...
A. 18 September 2007: I read your story with a mixture of feelings, I felt sincerely sorry for you all, in no particular order, your wife, your children and yourself. This is not a happy household and it is having a detrimental effect on you all.
It does take two to b... (read in full...)
Is it best to stay friends after a break up or better to sever all ties?
Q. is it best to stay friends after a break up or is it better to sever all ties? my ex and i were very close and he often said i was his best friend as well as girlfriend! We broke up amicably and he said he wanted us to be like ross and rachel i.e ...
A. 18 September 2007: I would recommend a complete break initially to allow you time to heal and get over him in your own time and way and it would be difficult to do this effectively if he was still around.
You could always be friendly to him i.e. acknowle... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling so needy and dependant?
Q. I rely too much on being in a relationship with my girlfriend for happiness, which means I'm always trying to make it more secure by being overly affectionate (which in turn means, I interpret a lack of return affection in a negative manner, and ...
A. 18 September 2007:
You can tell a lot about a person by the way his/her parents communicate/d. Whatever your circumstances you may wish to consider this to establish why you both act as you do. For example, she may have been brought up in a surrounding where it w... (read in full...)
He left me and our 3 children twice, for someone else, but now says he wants us back. AGAIN. What should I do?
Q. Hi I had three children with my partner of 9 years. He left me during my second pregnancy but I gave him a second chance and we got back together. He then left me when I was 7 months pregnant with our 3rd child after having an affair with a (r...
A. 18 September 2007: You say that you have started to move on and feel as though you are in a much better place, please please keep this in the forefront of your mind before making any decisions.
I have been in similar situation, no children though, but I consider... (read in full...)
Why do I flirt so bad with other guys when I'm with my bf?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend now for a year and a half and a couple of times when we go out we are drinking and i flirt with other guys i mingle and dingle and flirt and kinda forget about my bf then on we'll usually get into a fight and on the ...
A. 18 September 2007: I experienced the same thing when I was out with my partner and it too drove me mad trying to understand why I behaved so badly and inappropriately, but it really does come down to low self concept and alchol - a lethal combination.
For me anywa... (read in full...)
Me and my guy have tried foreplay but I'm worried about going further! Any advice please?
Q. help please :| Me and my boyfriend were playing dares. his was "i will do ANYTHING for you when we're together" and well. i said something like "take my top off and kiss starting from the top going down" Because i didnt wnt to tell him to do somet...
A. 18 September 2007: Never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I am hoping that your bf is same age as you? if so, then he probably just as nervous as you. You said that you are able to talk to your bf, well then I suggest you keep talking to him and tell ... (read in full...)
She laughed of my body as we were getting intimate. What should I do?
Q. Me and my girlfriend were "getting in the mood", but when I dropped my pants she laughed and said I was small. What should I do?...
A. 18 September 2007: That is a pity that you had to experience this and she is incredibly immature by the sounds of it. It will undoubtably have knocked your confidence so be aware of this and don't let this insensitive comment distroy your potential for a very happy ... (read in full...)
How do I stop feeling so needy and dependant?
Q. I rely too much on being in a relationship with my girlfriend for happiness, which means I'm always trying to make it more secure by being overly affectionate (which in turn means, I interpret a lack of return affection in a negative manner, and ...
A. 18 September 2007: I sympathise with you mainly because it is very easy to fall into this trap, but it is true to say that if you continue to overwhelm her you may eventually risk losing her. Your constant demand for assurance will likely drive her away. You obvio... (read in full...)
How can you tell if you're in love or if you're just attached to avoid being alone?
Q. how do you know if you still love your boyfriend or partner? or is it attachment because you dont wanna be alone? i get confused sometimes because i wonder if it's supposed to be like a fairy tale where you get butterflies all the time when you ta...
A. 18 September 2007: I often asked myself the same question and don't suppose you ever truly know until you are faced with being alone. I was so confused whether I was with him because i loved him or if i was just comfortable with him and I suppose looking back thi... (read in full...)
How can you tell if you're in love or if you're just attached to avoid being alone?
Q. how do you know if you still love your boyfriend or partner? or is it attachment because you dont wanna be alone? i get confused sometimes because i wonder if it's supposed to be like a fairy tale where you get butterflies all the time when you ta...
A. 18 September 2007: I often asked myself the same question and don't suppose you ever truly know until you are faced with being alone. I was so confused whether I was with him because i loved him or if i was just comfortable with him and I suppose looking back thi... (read in full...)
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