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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Can my abusive ex be any different second time around?
Q. My abusive ex bf wants me back. But I dont understand why. The reason he dumped me in the first place was because I wouldn't let him control and abuse me, I would stand up for myself. So why would he want me back if I stood up for myself? Does h...
A. 20 October 2009: He lost control over you so he wants that back. Does that make sense?
Check out this checklist and see if anything ELSE rings a bell...
http://www.familyshelterservice.org/assess.html... (read in full...)
Can my abusive ex be any different second time around?
Q. My abusive ex bf wants me back. But I dont understand why. The reason he dumped me in the first place was because I wouldn't let him control and abuse me, I would stand up for myself. So why would he want me back if I stood up for myself? Does h...
A. 19 October 2009: I think he just wants "Round Two". You already know what to expect from him, and with all the men there are in the world, why put yourself back in such a precarious position? This reminds me of the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy or is he tripping?
Q. I just need opinions as to whether or not im crazy or is this dood trippin? lol Met up w/ this guy as a movie buddy.Wednesday: met at a bar to see if we meshed.He said he'd stay a bit but stayed all night and txted me after to say he had a goo...
A. 18 October 2009: I think it wasn't hanging out, it WAS dating to him, and he told you that it wasn't working for him. In other words - he never saw you as a friend, he thought he was interested, now he's not, and he doesn't want to hang out. Most guys don't hang ... (read in full...)
I'm having doubts about living with my boyfriend...
Q. hi im kinda a bit confused with this the thing is im not sure if i really want to live with my bf permantly i stayed at his for bout 8 weeks he lives about 5 hours away b4 coming bk home to my parents it was gd and all but now im back home i keep ...
A. 18 October 2009: Once you are living together, and you are supporting yourselves, and you have sex, why would he ever ask you to marry him - should you want to make it legal? There have been so many women who have written in to DC asking why they are still waiting ... (read in full...)
Why did the drunken 'you're hot' texts stop now that we're dating?
Q. This is probaly gonna sound stupid but... back before summer, this guy liked me, and whenever he went on a night out I would recieve drunk texts and phone calls. They basically said 'Your hot.' or 'I want you.' Ya know usual guy stuff. Now we have ...
A. 17 October 2009: Hell, ring him and tell him HE'S hot. Guys love it!!! Turn the tables on him and you'll blow his socks off!!!... (read in full...)
Is it possible for Mr./Mrs. Right to not be into you?
Q. Quick question. Do you think that the person who you love and who doesn't love you back is simply not right for you? Or is it possible to know Mr. or Mrs. Right, the only issue is that he or she is just not that into you? Thanks....
A. 15 October 2009: The right person is one who loves you back, of course. Devotion has to be mutual, and love and relationships just don't work if the other person isn't into you too. There isn't just one person who is "Mr. or Mrs. Right", it's a matter of fit. ... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to change his thought that I'm controlling him?
Q. I found out from a friend my boyfriend created a facebook today. I dislike social networkings like that because myspace caused so many problems between us before. I stopped going on it but I let him continue to go on it. One day, during summer, we ...
A. 15 October 2009: "We had trust issues" is a blanket statement that explains nothing.
"He looks and I get jealous" is what this sounds like.
You need to find a trustworthy guy, one that doesn't look! All the Aunts seem to be saying the same thing and are in a... (read in full...)
How do I get my boyfriend to change his thought that I'm controlling him?
Q. I found out from a friend my boyfriend created a facebook today. I dislike social networkings like that because myspace caused so many problems between us before. I stopped going on it but I let him continue to go on it. One day, during summer, we ...
A. 15 October 2009: Please don't tell me to tell my BF to keep his fb page, just figure out how I can whitewash my controlling behavior? Um, Lie?
It's pretty obvious from what you have written that you have been jealous about something that you saw on his wall, and ... (read in full...)
18 months later and b/f still doesn't have a job..time to leave?
Q. Please can you advise me although I think I may know the answer already.... I have been with my current boyfriend for 18 months after being friends for about 4 years. Previously I had always gone for 'bad' boys and was in a relationship where th...
A. 12 October 2009: You are far too young to become a mother, and that is what he has turned you into.
You need to move on. You aren't married, so that's probably a good thing, even if you both pitched in and moved in together. You actually didn't take vows with... (read in full...)
I can't get over his dirty magazine habits!
Q. Hi All, i cant believe im am writing and asking for advice, ive always been the one giving out advice and never needed any before. I am one of these that tackle any problems i have had in my life and then just get on with it. But im at a loose en...
A. 8 October 2009: I totally agree with Q, who is always brilliant. I think that I just dented the drywall. Ouch.... (read in full...)
I can't get over his dirty magazine habits!
Q. Hi All, i cant believe im am writing and asking for advice, ive always been the one giving out advice and never needed any before. I am one of these that tackle any problems i have had in my life and then just get on with it. But im at a loose en...
A. 6 October 2009: 'I love him so much, he is my soulmate.'
Then stop expecting him to not be a Man. Guys look. It's in their nature. If it weren't then there would be no need for porn. The number one use of the internet IS PORN. Who is looking at it? Wome... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do with this fine, Mexican boy!!
Q. im still trying to get a boyfriend without being so desperate. im mean ive been asked out a few times, but not by the right guys. Here's a follow up. Ok, last year ive been looking up ways to suduce, flirt, all kinds of stuff with this one boy. It...
A. 5 October 2009: Excuse me, but where the heck did that tag line come from? Erm?... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want to be touched anymore!
Q. Hello everyone. My wife don't like to be touched anymore and she don't really care about sex anymore. What am I to do? My wife claims that she is so busy but she just go to school. I mean this situation causes many agruments and makes me wonder ...
A. 5 October 2009: When 'she goes out with her friends', do you mean her other 'mommy' friends - and is she also 'out' with them and their children?
'Cause that's not down time, that's her new job, and believe me, that's work! If that's the case, hanging with a bu... (read in full...)
Is it considered rude if you don't swallow?
Q. I just recentley started having sex with my boyfriend (we've only been together 2 weeks) so, i know people say swallowing is a way of showing them you love them. but like i just .. can't.. it makes me gag, so like, at a guys point of view, what ...
A. 5 October 2009: "It usually takes me about two week to decide on a new pair of shoes, and they only go on my feet."
Blame it on the movie - "Clueless".
Which started with famous line...
"As IF!!!"....... (read in full...)
Suggestions on a hateful daughter?
Q. I have a daughter age 36, she is has become so hateful, mean and arrogant and eccentric I don't even know who she is anymore. Over the past 10 yrs she has taken Zoloft and I truly believe it is changing her personality. She explodes in anger for ...
A. 5 October 2009: Obviously your family problems go farther than your daughters bouts with Zoloft and her outbursts. This is what family counseling is for, to reach a resolution between parties and find the reasons why they are there. It isn't always easy, and you ... (read in full...)
I am starting to feel more possessive after our 'fooling around' sessions!
Q. I'm 28 suffering from bouts of depression. Started talking to a friend over a phone who, I don't even like that much but, suddenly we started flirting. I went over to his place and we fooled a bit. No intercourse just oral sex. He does'nt love me ...
A. 5 October 2009: Women get emotionally involved after having sex. Oral sex is sex. Therefore, you are feeling that you are getting closer to him, Only because you have had some relations, knowing full well what an insensitive jerk he is and has always been.
Y... (read in full...)
Is it more common for a guy to text a girl he likes, before bed, or after school?
Q. I go to an all-girl school, and the only way to go to homecoming is to be asked by a boy at the all-guy's school right next door. My friends set me up with one of their guy friends that I'd never met so that we could all go as a group. He was ...
A. 2 October 2009: It's kind of a compliment to be the last person that he wants to talk to at night.
I would only be worried if he was calling late at night purposefully. As long as he doesn't ask you to send pictures or say things of a sexual nature which woul... (read in full...)
How do I tell this guy that I love him?
Q. Dear agony aunts, I have been crushing on this guy for about a year now, and I believe it may even be love at, well, second sight. We're really good friends now and he seems to be flirting with me a lot. I don't want to sound like another obsessed ...
A. 2 October 2009: Don't drop the "L" bomb. It's something that you can't take back, once it's out there - and you don't want it hanging out there if he isn't ready to say it back yet!
Talk about how you feel instead. It's okay to say 'I think that you are sooo... (read in full...)
Is there such thing as love at first sight?
Q. Is there such thing as love at first sight? Iv met this girl and only been out with her a few times and something just feels right about it and like we have a connection, i didnt want to sat anything but she said thats how she felt the same wa...
A. 1 October 2009: Well, I have always thought that if there was only one true love or soulmate for each person, that it would be a real bummer if they were born in Moscow and you were born in San Francisco! But knowing that you are truly compatible and falling in ... (read in full...)
I married him to be accepted, but don't feel passion
Q. I married my brother's best friend. We have been married for five years and now have a one year old child. I was the black sheep of the family and in a lot of ways, married him to be accepted. We get along well, as friends. But I don't feel ...
A. 1 October 2009: I think you know that no matter what choice you make, you will leave something behind and regret it, but that is what a decision is. You make it between two perfectly good choices, wanting both.
If what you are asking is what is the RIGHT thin... (read in full...)
She wants to get married even though she's told me she doesn't love me. What?
Q. She has asked me to marry her even though she hs told me she doesn't love me and that she is not 100% with me. What should I do now? A month ago I read my partner's notes (they were left laying around when I went to her place at her request to c...
A. 28 September 2009: Anyways, there is a line from "Sleepless in Seattle" that goes something like this.
"Marriage is hard enough to go into it with such low expectations. I don't want to be someone who ANYONE settles for."
I thought it might be relevant.
... (read in full...)
Frequently late periods ...
Q. my wife always geting peroid late. 2-3 times she geting period late. but she not pregent. 2 years back we married. but i thought she pregant last month but some time timea brownish clour water cuming.some time time like dropd blood coming. but now ...
A. 25 September 2009: Women can spot throughout the month if it is normal for them during their cycle. Many women spot during ovulation, which is two weeks before your period. It's not uncommon to spot brownish or bright red spots, even if you are pregnant, but if it ... (read in full...)
My partner doesn't want our baby.
Q. Hi, I am 30yrs old and I just found out that I am pregnant 3 days ago. Me and my partner have been together for 2 years he already has 3 children and his reaction when I told him I was pregnant was like I ruined his life. We did use birth control ...
A. 24 September 2009: Who do you want to protect?
I think you already know the answer to your question, you just don't want to hear it. He isn't the best partner or the best father - is he?
I'd be hurt by his reaction too if I were you.
But, I still come back to... (read in full...)
Do you gain weight after getting your tubes tied?
Q. Me and my man have decided that after the second baby that we didnt want anymore children. So i would like to have my tubes tied. But alot of women have said that when u get your tubes tied you gain alot of weight is that true? ...
A. 24 September 2009: Definitely, don't rely on this as you last and definitive answer, you do need the help of an OB/GYN, as the last writer said. I am a 54 year old woman with kids who has been there and done that, but I'm not a Doctor, by any means. You should ask ... (read in full...)
He's never been good at relationships but what is your opinion?
Q. Ive known this guy for 4-5 yrs - Lets call him "Robert".We were friends and some point jumped into intimacy. He was a drinker who expressed his naughty feelings for me and would be touchy feely in public,get jealous when I was w/ other guys.We ...
A. 24 September 2009: He sounds really needy. And too needy to be a good prospective boyfriend/relationship/partner. I'd listen to your instincts and let him go. You obviously are confused because you have been 'friends', you are 'attracted' to him, but you are simply ... (read in full...)
Should I go back to work with my ex? He'll be my boss.
Q. I and my bf (ex now)we used to work in the same company ,he was my boss too ,it was job he offered to me, so I had to resign from my previous job , due to some circumstances in the company , they cancelled my job for sometimes , they send me home , ...
A. 24 September 2009: Look for work elsewhere.... (read in full...)
Is urinating inside each other okay?
Q. Okay, my boyfriend and i are both into a fetish called watersports. It's got alot to do with urination. Well my boyfriend likes it when i pee in him, and vice versa, but i was wondering if it was okay? Like, is it safe for us to be urinating inside ...
A. 24 September 2009: Urine is sterile, if that helps.... (read in full...)
Do you gain weight after getting your tubes tied?
Q. Me and my man have decided that after the second baby that we didnt want anymore children. So i would like to have my tubes tied. But alot of women have said that when u get your tubes tied you gain alot of weight is that true? ...
A. 24 September 2009: There is an old wives tale that you automatically gain when you have a radical hysterectomy, which can be a bit true because you lose your ovaries and go into menopause overnight, but doctors these days who would do that kind of radical surgery (for ... (read in full...)
I enjoy masturbation more than sex...is this normal?
Q. ive just started having regular sex with my boyfriend of 2 years (ive not been old enough for long) and i seem to find i masterbation more than sex....is this normal and will it change...
A. 23 September 2009: Well, it would seem that you are more relaxed with yourself than with him - small wonder as you are only young and may not yet feel totally comfortable about ALL of the myriads of possible outcomes that having a sexual relationship can affect on ... (read in full...)
Relationship of three years and finding sexual texting from other women,
Q. Hello, I have been with my b/f for 3 years, We have been living together for a little bit over a year. Recently (4 1/2 months ago) I found texts from women on his phone to him. One girl wrote " No I wont allow it! Do what you want to do but I...
A. 23 September 2009: Of course you know what to believe. Believe in what you have seen with your own two eyes. Believe that he is continually lying to you, because he is. Believe that he is lying to get out of this, because that's what he has done, by telling you ... (read in full...)
To the ladies... how big should I try to make my penis?
Q. Okay my current measurement on a good day is 6 and a half long (non bone pressed), or bone pressed 6.7. The problem is my girth is quite small, only 4.7 inches thick. This is a concern because girls seem to prefer girth over length. I rea...
A. 15 September 2009: I agree. If you can also grow hair on bald guys AND grow a full penis size, then you need to get an infomercial and get rich off of this. I think the medieval equivalent or "phallacy" was turning stuff into gold.... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of these good for nothing mother feelings
Q. I'm a SAHM since my son was born. He is 4 yrs old now.Every time someone asks me (what do I do all day or what I'm doing these days) I feel bad. I feel sort of guilty of not working. Its hard to maintain a good life style on 1 person's income(...
A. 15 September 2009: When your son passes every new milestone, or has questions, who is going to beam at him and give him a hug? Who's going to care if he needs help 'right then' or care if his feelings are hurt?
We can replace ourselves as primary caregivers, but ... (read in full...)
Advise please on if I'm being "unreasonable"
Q. Hi I'm looking for some insight into whether Im being stupid or not....my boyfriend of three years has decided that when i go to univesity next year he will split up with me. this is extremely summarised because it is a long and complicated problem ...
A. 15 September 2009: I think he wants the break too. Other people manage to stay together during uni at different universities, but the both WANT too. It doesn't sound like he is committed to either you or being celibate for the next 3 or 4 years, and is using this as ... (read in full...)
Why is he with her when he says he felt this way about me? Opinions, from men especially, appreciated!
Q. My ex boyfriend tells me that hes never felt the way he feels when he kisses me with anyone else. He has a new girlfriend (he got back with a long term ex he was with before me) and even though he wants to see me sometimes, no signs of wanting to ...
A. 14 September 2009: It means he likes to "have his cake and eat it too". You can look up the meaning of this saying on the internet...... (read in full...)
I'm scared I won't find anyone to be with!
Q. I am 25 and at the stage where I am afraid I wont find a partner to spend my life with. I have been in four relationships, the first 3 I ended because I dind't see myself with the person and the last 1 broke my heart. Finally when ive been through ...
A. 14 September 2009: Even with children and a partner, in the end, you are ultimately alone inside yourself, so the best place to start not being lonely is being happy with yourself. Where ever you go, there you are, and You are the only person that you take with you! ... (read in full...)
What makes someone push something good away?
Q. What is wrong with me? I am a successful female divorcee, who has had multiple relationships that just do not turn out. Recently I dated a guy for 2 1/2 years. I fell in love with him, but had reservations about some of his behaviors and his repu...
A. 13 September 2009: Hmmm,
Not every issue is out in the open here! Why are your friends all against him? Why date while you are both not totally out in the open? Most friends would be pushing you towards him if he were on the up and up...
I have to tell you that... (read in full...)
How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 13 September 2009: ...as, not are...... (read in full...)
How can someone who says they love you leave you in the dirt?
Q. In April I found out that I was with child. I knew who the father was because I had not had sex with anyone but him. He was the first person that I ever sleep with and the same goes for him. We were each others first. We always stayed in touch with ...
A. 13 September 2009: I think that you had a fantasy of him are who he really was because of your shared past. Who wouldn't want the first guy they slept with to be their Knight-in-Shining-Armour?
Love isn't a feeling, it's an Act. Love is in what he does, not what... (read in full...)
We have been married 10 months and I still can't have sex with him
Q. Hi.. I got married in the month of November but not yet had sex with my husband. I love my husband a lot but when it comes to sex when he inserts his finger I feel very painful and stop doing further. He desperately want to have sex with me but im v...
A. 12 September 2009: My friend had this same problem years ago, vaginismus, and the doctor prescribed muscle relaxers for her.
After the first time using the muscle relaxers, they had sex without pain, and she got over the fear that was causing her muscles to clam... (read in full...)
How can I show her I don't mind sharing her with my brother?
Q. Hi friends, There is some thing happened in our life. Mine and my wife's. My brother came and stayed with us for 3 months. He was 19 and my wife was 22. She once told me that he is playing around and in a tricky way, as if happens accidentally ...
A. 12 September 2009: Women tend to fall in love with sexual partners. That's the only problem that I can see. It may also be the reason why she is feeling guilty. Torn between two lovers? Torn between two brothers?
If you can reach some kind of conclusion, then... (read in full...)
For the guys: How often do you call a girl?
Q. Question for guys: How often do you call a girl you are sorta interested in but its really new and fresh and your taking it slow. Is it once a week? once every 2 weeks?...
A. 12 September 2009: My husband didn't call for two weeks. Then he arranged our first date. Then we called each other daily after that. If he had only called two weeks later after our first date, I would have assumed that it had gone badly and he wasn't interested in ... (read in full...)
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