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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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Do I contact the married man I had an affair with or leave it?
Q. Ok here goes,im worried about asking this question to my friends as im frightened of there reaction. Three years ago i had an affair with a married man,i was married too and not long given birth,my husband was an alcoholic,i was suffering with pos...
A. 21 August 2009: You already know the answer...
You had an affair because your husband was alcoholic. You have had two children by this man, but still, you take no responsibility for marrying an alcoholic or making poor choices for the two children that you have... (read in full...)
I don't know how to trust my boyfriend!
Q. Hey guys, the last 7 months have been hell for me and my partner. i love him and he love me but i found out in january that he cheated on me in the first month of our relationship with his ex. since then we have both been through so much. we have ...
A. 20 August 2009: You are young! WHY are you trying SO hard to make something that doesn't work, work? Why not find a guy that you CAN trust? Did you want to marry and have children before you finally dump the guy, after trying 6 times? Get realistic and get on ... (read in full...)
I don't know his new girlfriend and shes questioning people about me!
Q. DEAR AUNTS HELP ME =[ Last weekend I didn't attend a party because I was busy helping my bff plan her wedding.the party i was suppose to attend, my ex was there..the host told me everything. my ex asked the host if i was coming? also the host an...
A. 20 August 2009: The girl asking questions likes your ex.
He is still hurt and therefore gossips in order to save "face" because you dumped him.
You are a smart girl and I suspect that you already know this. It's a great sign that his Mom likes you and that you... (read in full...)
Coping with my jealous and hypocritical new husband. Any ideas?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I'm hoping you can all help me get some perspective and advice on how to deal with an extremely jealous and hypocritical husband... I recent got married to my partner of three years. We haven't had a perfect run, we we...
A. 19 August 2009: I think that you are being overly generous in your estimations of the reasons why your husband is doing this, far too generous. Going along to get along isn't going to work here, because he is rationalizing things that he shouldn't be doing, and ... (read in full...)
Six months ago I was warm and affectionate but now I'm cold. How can I change back?
Q. Ok hi. So, my whole life i've never had anger in me. I would feel sadness and joy but it was almost impossible to make me angry. I have always forgiven easily and quickly, and truely forgotten. I had hope in people and saw the good in them. I ...
A. 18 August 2009: Well, I am not a Doctor. A depression is a pretty normal thing. You should check out the reason WHY you are having panic attacks.
Your hormones are going to be in flux for a while yet, you are exhausted, and your body takes about THREE year... (read in full...)
Torn between family and fiancee...
Q. Dear Aunties, Lately I have been an emotional wreck. I am torn between being closer to my family and starting a family with my soon to be husband. Right now I am 22 and he is 28. We met 3 years ago, at that time I just moved from California and n...
A. 18 August 2009: Well, I can only tell you that life happens while you are busy making other plans!
When you did state that you moved, you also mentioned that you moved to Philly and in with at least ONE good friend. And he has his family their as well, and it w... (read in full...)
Perverts on the train!
Q. Hi Im 15 and everyday i go on this one crowded train to go to a main public place that me and my friends like to hang out. i am always on the train alone (because none of my friends live near me). One day i was wearing a skirt(it was a mini ski...
A. 18 August 2009: Always board the train with a large, scalding hot coffee. Having a hand up my skirt would be the perfect excuse to accidently drop it. Accidently. On purpose. You KNOW that he is taking advantage of the fact that you are young and he assumes ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and my boyfriend is making my life hell!
Q. Okay, here goes.... I found out just under three weeks ago that I was pregnant. I'm 22 and have been with my boyfriend (whose also 22) for nearly five years. It was a complete shock as I was on the and using protection, can only pin it down to a ...
A. 17 August 2009: I can't believe what a cad he is being, but I think that you need to leave him and cut off all ties for now.
Why? This can't be good for you OR for your baby.
He was there for the start, but now he thinks that he should be the one in control ... (read in full...)
Is a bed and breakfast a good place for having sex?
Q. I have been going with a good man. he asked me to get away at bed and breakfast for a few nights. We have not make love/had sex. Is a bed and breakfast a good place for making love/having sex? Other romantic places and ideas for us? A conce...
A. 17 August 2009: If you are asking us, then it's obvious that you are a bit uncomfortable already, frankly...
A B&B is a bit more homey and you ARE sharing space with the owners, so it might put a crimp on the lovemaking!
On the other hand, if you liked gr... (read in full...)
Should I meet only women who can handle me in bed? And if so, how should I treat her in bed?
Q. My post this time really isn't a problem, its more of a brag, but its not intended to be. See I have a very high sex drive, I haven't ran across many women can stand it, longevity is what I like and what I practice when I have sex. I believe I'm ...
A. 17 August 2009: The best erotic story that I read was an ode to what women love about a man. The story was written much better than I can write here, but the gist of it was that men tend to think that their sexual prowess and there size and girth are the be all ... (read in full...)
Six months ago I was warm and affectionate but now I'm cold. How can I change back?
Q. Ok hi. So, my whole life i've never had anger in me. I would feel sadness and joy but it was almost impossible to make me angry. I have always forgiven easily and quickly, and truely forgotten. I had hope in people and saw the good in them. I ...
A. 15 August 2009: Oh, Hun,
That's just the technical term for them. Whenever you start going over thing in your head, you get a tightening in your chest and your heart races - and that's called a panic attack. It is due to anxiety, and fear of loss of control over... (read in full...)
He said "I'll miss you" Does that mean anything?
Q. hello , my name is jackie and i have this huge crush on this boy i been talking to for the last 3 years and yeah he asked me out many times before and also said he liked and loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend but i don't know he just ...
A. 14 August 2009: I'd listen to your parents.... (read in full...)
Six months ago I was warm and affectionate but now I'm cold. How can I change back?
Q. Ok hi. So, my whole life i've never had anger in me. I would feel sadness and joy but it was almost impossible to make me angry. I have always forgiven easily and quickly, and truely forgotten. I had hope in people and saw the good in them. I ...
A. 14 August 2009: Well, I would love to tell you that you can eat your cake and have it still, but that's not true. You have to break some eggs to make a cake. You want a bunch of total strangers to clear this up for you, and we don't know you. That's what a ... (read in full...)
Living with a boyfriend in a dorm room: good idea?
Q. Hello everyone! My situation is that I have been dating my boyfriend for ten months now. We have pretty much decided that we will get married one day and that we are soulmates. He just finished college and I have one year left. The school t...
A. 13 August 2009: I liked what my 22 year old daughter recently told me about living together before marriage.
Why would you consider getting married if living together is an amicable situation? What would make a guy want to change it and get married? And ther... (read in full...)
What does messing around mean?
Q. The guy I'm seeing totally me he's a virgin. He said he's only messed around with girls he's met at clubs and his ex-girlfriend. I don't know what that means. I really don't want him to go into detail about it either. I always thought messing ...
A. 13 August 2009: Messing around isn't very specific. It's vague. I have heard it used by young people when referring to necking and fondling, but I have also heard it used by older people referring to full blown affairs that are fully sexual. So, I think the best ... (read in full...)
My head is all mixed up in this affair I'm having.
Q. I met a man two and half years ago. I was going thro a divorce and he said he was leaving his wife. having had affair for a year with him he did leave his wife.He has become obsessive and controlling to the point he has turned my room upside down. ...
A. 13 August 2009: I would give you this advice - go to this link and take this quiz. I think he has all the signs of being abusive, and I would bet that his wife has been abused and controlled too. If you can see him TOO OFTEN in all of these questions, you had ... (read in full...)
Is it true that addictions can run in the family?
Q. Is it true,that addiction runs in families,and the genetics can skip generations? Me and my husband never been addicted to drug or alcohol, but our sons are in the worst cas of addiction. They had a total alcoholic great grandma, who died from al...
A. 12 August 2009: People who "self-medicate" can sometimes use drugs or alcohol because of underlying issues, like ADD or bipolar disorder, so yes, in that way, it can be genetic. Addictions do tend to run in families, even when it isn't learned behavior, and good ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin but want to be FWB with this guy... anyone got any tips on what to do?
Q. I have fallen for a guy who just wants friends with benefits, we have only kissed at the moment but he wants more, I am quite happy because I like him my problem is that I am a virgin and he is the only person I have kissed, he doesn't know this and ...
A. 8 August 2009: FWB is an invention by men for men, because it suits their own selfish purpose, to get laid. FWB NEVER works for women, because nature has predisposed women to bond and attach to the man we make love with. On top of this, you have written that you ... (read in full...)
Why did my ex get back with me?
Q. I recently got back together with my ex. We broke up for many reasons, but one of her biggest issues was I could not enjoy the moment, I overthought everything. I never thought she'd get back with me but contacted me out of the blue. I don't r...
A. 8 August 2009: Shouldn't you directly ask her the question you are asking us?
Don't you already know the answer? (...because frankly, by the phasing of your question, something isn't out in the open here...).
Sometimes, We all like to thank God and go with the... (read in full...)
My fiance would rather sleep on the couch than with me..
Q. hello, I wonder how common this is: my fiance will not sleep with me in our bedroom, and has not for 7 months. she prefers the couch. i do not like this at all. we used to snuggle and fall asleep in eachothers arms everynight. i have made ...
A. 6 August 2009: You shouldn't marry until you resolve this issue. As you have moved in together, you should get counseling like any married couple would do if they were having problems.
You have seen the writing on the wall, and until you get to the bottom of t... (read in full...)
We work together and care for each other, married to others, she is being laid off, should I stay in touch?
Q. Help...I am a successful, 34 year old married man with three great kids. My 8 year marriage is average...fair share of arguing, not much sex, but happy kids and my wife and I get along about half of the time. Actually we are more like roommates at ...
A. 6 August 2009: No. You should NOT remain in contact with her. You have both crossed the friendship line already having spoken about your feelings for one another. You may not be happy at home, but you are both married. You both owe it to you spouses to get ... (read in full...)
At 9 pm he said "I love you" and at midnight, he said he never did!
Q. Well I was seeing a lad for 4 mouths, right then before we started going out, I told him I was moving to Scotland and he said it was fine. I fall in love with him and he fall in love with me. We was great together but then I said do u think it was ...
A. 5 August 2009: You are 17.
What is it that you want when you are going in two separate directions to two separate countries at your age? You sure as hell don't want to be tied down to a relationship through the net and phone, and still be alone, while you are ... (read in full...)
For women 50 and upwards, I need ideas for a fragrance for my partner!
Q. ..... For the attention of women between 50 upwards.... What sort of fragrances do you think you like to wear in the evening? Other than "Lilly of the Valley", I would like to get my partner something a bit more different....
A. 5 August 2009: Perfumes react differently with different skin oils. I remember thinking how fab Channel No. 5 smelled on a friend; but it smelled like sour milk on me!
There is a GREAT, witty and hilarious book, one of the nicest; most sympatico presents that... (read in full...)
Is this normal? My dad's behaviour toward me?
Q. My parents are divorced, and my Dad moved out 3 years ago. When I was younger, my Dad touched me and looked at me in ways that I'm now slightly nervous about. For example, he'd walk into the bathroom when I was having a shower (we didn't have a lo...
A. 5 August 2009: Kissing your neck is nuzzling or necking and it's a sexual kiss, not a Paternal one.
You are smart to question his behavior, and I'm afraid that you are right, he's really pushing the envelope. You need to tell your Mom about what has been happ... (read in full...)
How can I gain this weight?
Q. I’m 14 years old 5'5 and about 100lb. I’m too skinny. My parents were skinny till they were in their late 20s; my mom didn’t like eating and my dad ate alot but didn’t gain weight. I don’t eat alot and don’t gain weight. I don’t have much of an ...
A. 5 August 2009: For some reason, my doctor put me on whole wheat bread and prune juice when I was skinny back in the '60's, and I did gain weight... and I was 14 too. You may find that as you age, your metabolism is going to slow down and you may gain weight ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my FWB about the girl I want to marry?
Q. I am seeing someone on a regular basis and we have discussed marriage already. We have been seeing each other for about 3 months now. The problem is that before this I was seeing someone on again and off again for 2 years. We were the classic ...
A. 4 August 2009: FWB isn't what she thought was going on, and you knew it. You have been deceptive, and neither the "love of your life" or your FWB, or female person you have deceived, will be happy with how you have conducted yourself. You also knew that she was ... (read in full...)
Why won't my family and friends except my interacial relationship?
Q. For over 3 years I've been in an interacial relationship. I'm white, and my boyfriend is from Bangladesh. I love him deeply, he's the most amazing person I have ever met, he always makes me laugh and happy, he does so much for me and he's so sweet ...
A. 4 August 2009: Hello Again!
I have lived in England, The Netherlands, The Bahamas, The U.S. and I am a Canadian. Yep! I pretty much get the "I'm okay with cultural differences thing." Canada is one of the "pink bits" on the map that were part of the Brit... (read in full...)
Why won't my family and friends except my interacial relationship?
Q. For over 3 years I've been in an interacial relationship. I'm white, and my boyfriend is from Bangladesh. I love him deeply, he's the most amazing person I have ever met, he always makes me laugh and happy, he does so much for me and he's so sweet ...
A. 3 August 2009: My daughter dated a boy whose family was very religious and did not want their son to marry outside of his race and creed, so I told her that it was a problem - IN THIS CASE - because the family would never accept her. And, after he brought her ... (read in full...)
Menstrual cramps, relief techniques that work? Help please!
Q. Okay I definately need some girl advice right about now. What do you do to relieve your menstrual cramps? It's so bad for me that it makes me throw up and all I can do is curl up in a ball with a hot water bottle until it goes away 3 hours later. I ...
A. 1 August 2009: While period cramps aren't pleasant, if they are debilitating, it can be a warning sign.
http://womenshealth.about.com/cs/crampsmenstrual/a/cramps.htm
If you have never seen an OB/GYN, this is a good reason to go and ask them this question... (read in full...)
Tips for New Parents!
Q. One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
A. 28 July 2009: Thanks Gina! I had forgotten - one of the side benefits of having a new baby is making new friends and bonding with a new group! The friends that I made after my kids were born were amazing, I hadn't made friends like that since grade school! I ... (read in full...)
Tips for New Parents!
Q. One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
A. 28 July 2009: Thanks Uncle Phil! Little boys christen every parent at least once - but you learn quick!
And Thank You eyes! I wish I had known about the lowering your voice thing. And the snowsuit one too! I, unfortunately, had a December baby and an Octo... (read in full...)
What does he mean by saying they have a great 'personality'?
Q. Hi Everyone I would like to know: My husband (been married almost 10 y) always says the same thing... What does it mean?When he sees a naked woman, on TV or in the newspaper or in a magazine, he looks her up and down, and says: she looks like s...
A. 28 July 2009: I think that it's better that he doesn't think twice about saying that in front of you and that he isn't doing this surreptitiously, on the sly and pretending to be deaf, dumb and blind when a pretty girl goes by. Most guys look. Sounds like he's ... (read in full...)
Tips for New Parents!
Q. One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
A. 28 July 2009: Hi Sincerely Yours!
Congratulations on your new arrival!
It's amazing that you had a chance to write in with such a little one in the house and thanks for the contribution!
I just wanted to say not to worry about the woman who was rude to you ... (read in full...)
I don't know what to do to stop missing him!
Q. I miss my ex. We were together for 3 and a half years and have been broken up for over 4 months now and haven't talked at all since we broke up. I have dated people and am seeing someone right now who just wants to date casually or whatever and I am ...
A. 28 July 2009: Three and a half years is such a long time, four months isn't very long... People are all quite different and have different healing times, but the most telling thing in your letter is that you do realize that your problems were insurmountable, ... (read in full...)
Believing in fate....The biggest LIE
Q. Do you know what the biggest lie is? The lie that people believe that our lives are shaped by fate thas the biggest lie. Everything we do is the careful path that God set us up to make our personal legends. What is our personal legend you ask? It ...
A. 21 July 2009: There is no such thing as fate or luck, you make it yourself. BUT, you also make your own karma and it influences that around you - in the sense that you will reap whatever you sow, you will draw from whatever you put out into the universe. And it ... (read in full...)
My husband get angry, throws things and sometimes hits me, what should I do?
Q. hi there, ok my question is more of a long story that i need advice on my husband has this thing where i cant do anything right he will give me a list of things he wants done before he gets home and i will do my best to finish them but he never be...
A. 21 July 2009: You are a mother now.
You have to protect your kids, and they need their mother, so you, as an adult female woman, have to act on this and remove yourself and them from this situation.
It's not a situation that needs discussion, you need to ... (read in full...)
Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking?
Q. Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking? I wake up and remember quite a bit of what I have dreamt that night, and I thought that was quite normal, but many family members tell me that they never dream (or simp...
A. 21 July 2009: Don't worry - your OB/GYN would have already have been laughing and asking "How big was your last baby" when measuring the fundal height if your baby was too big to deliver...
Don't sweat it. satin! Most of us are well prepared for labour, afte... (read in full...)
My husband get angry, throws things and sometimes hits me, what should I do?
Q. hi there, ok my question is more of a long story that i need advice on my husband has this thing where i cant do anything right he will give me a list of things he wants done before he gets home and i will do my best to finish them but he never be...
A. 21 July 2009: http://www.familyshelterservice.org/assess.html
Check out this website.
... (read in full...)
Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking?
Q. Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking? I wake up and remember quite a bit of what I have dreamt that night, and I thought that was quite normal, but many family members tell me that they never dream (or simp...
A. 21 July 2009: Ohhhh, Man. My second baby was 10.4 lbs., talk about size of a pea... nice pun! (that was like having a Volkswagon sitting on your bladder.)... (read in full...)
Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking?
Q. Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking? I wake up and remember quite a bit of what I have dreamt that night, and I thought that was quite normal, but many family members tell me that they never dream (or simp...
A. 21 July 2009: Worrying about aging now, for birdynumnums, would be like closing the barn door after the cows got out...
I distinctly remember having them when I was FIRST worrying about aging, but not about looks, I think that they are more about mortality in g... (read in full...)
Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking?
Q. Is it true for some people that you don't remember your dreams upon waking? I wake up and remember quite a bit of what I have dreamt that night, and I thought that was quite normal, but many family members tell me that they never dream (or simp...
A. 21 July 2009: Haha Tish, Good one!
I guess my night-time hot flashes are happening during my REM cycles, satin! (...which explains why I'm dreaming more!)
I was curious, but rogerramjet seems a lot like my husband, who very rarely remembers his dreams. ... (read in full...)
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