A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My abusive ex bf wants me back. But I dont understand why. The reason he dumped me in the first place was because I wouldn't let him control and abuse me, I would stand up for myself. So why would he want me back if I stood up for myself? Does he somehow think that he will be able to abuse me 2nd time round? Or could he of honestly changed like he promises he has? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (20 October 2009):
 I agree with Birdynumnums, you first need to accept that he did have an element of control over you as much as you'd like to think you stood up for yourself- healthy females are under no circumstances attracted to abusive men nor do they have anything to do with them.
There is an abuser/victim dynamic that you had a role in and you aren't taking any accountability for that, instead you are in la la land. You will continue to attract abusers as long as you stay in denial about how you didn't let him control and abuse you- he wouldn't be back for second helpings if you didn't enable it on some level.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (20 October 2009):
 He lost control over you so he wants that back. Does that make sense?
Check out this checklist and see if anything ELSE rings a bell...
http://www.familyshelterservice.org/assess.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou are very judgemental "Lazyguy". I am not geting 'the hots for abuse'. I was simply asking a question because I couldnt understand WHY he wanted me back. Unlike some people (as it seems yourself are not like this), I like to understand people, rather then just make stupid judgements about them.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
 You have changed? How exactly? You are still intrested in the same guy, still getting the hots for an abuser.
If you haven't changed, why would he?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
He hasn't changed and he's very dangerous. Find yourself a man who knows how to treat you. This guy will abuse you again. Don't let him and don't believe him.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums + ♥, writes (19 October 2009):
I think he just wants "Round Two".You already know what to expect from him, and with all the men there are in the world, why put yourself back in such a precarious position?This reminds me of the old saying, "Fool me once, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me." Even if you were married, I'd have to give you the same advice - Run, not walk, away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2009): Well I certainly hope that you are not considering going back to him!!!He is probably hoping that you have been pining for him and will come running back for more abuse.He is your ex - and I guess you parted ways because of the way he was treating you, so rather leave it that way - keep him as your ex.\Learn from your bad experiences!!
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