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My wife doesn't want to be touched anymore!

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 October 2009) 8 Answers - (Newest, 25 January 2010)
A male United States age 30-35, *ellspawn writes:

Hello everyone. My wife don't like to be touched anymore and she don't really care about sex anymore. What am I to do? My wife claims that she is so busy but she just go to school. I mean this situation causes many agruments and makes me wonder should I just end my marriage. This has been going on about 2 years. We use to make love all the time, now after the birth of my child we barely have sex three times a month. She has time to go out on the weekend with her friends and leave me at the house by myself wondering when is the next time we are going to have sex. I am so miserable. Can somebody help me?

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A male reader, I'm officially an idiot Canada +, writes (25 January 2010):

She is definately cheating on you for sure.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2009):

trust me on this one- if she doesn't want it from you then she is getting it elsewhere. if there is no medical condition she is suffering from, no depression, post partum baby blues, and she appears healthy and content, then she is getting it elsewhere. you should not beg for intimacy and sex. you are a virile young man and you are in your prime. she leaves you alone to go out the ENTIRE WEEKEND. warning bells here. yes, end this farce of a marriage and go find a decent faithful woman. there are plenty around.

what is admirable of you is that you have not cheated on her. so please end the marriage and start re living your life. good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

You should end your marriage; it isn't going to get any better and she has got what she wants out of sex - a child - so she feels no further need to participate.

If she is reluctant to have sex at such a young age and so early in your relationship, what will it be like a few years down the line?

Get out now while you have the chance and have not too many financial commitments.

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A male reader, pervertatilex Germany +, writes (5 October 2009):

maybe some suggestive arousal. somethin take her mind off of current issues. if you want to get some at this point your gonna have to convey the message smoothly. try to find way turn her on. good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

three times a month ain't bad bro. try to make the times you DO have together worth it for her too. give her 20-30 minutes focused JUST on her, back massage, foot massage, scalp massage, whatever. i agree with the prior poster- try to take things off her plate and just understand she's drained. women don't sleep for years after their child is born. it's more stressful on her than you. she might also feel fat or stretched in certain places, so make sure you pay her compliments whenever you think of something - nice dress, you look pretty. fighting over it does NOT solve it, trust me on that. maybe go to a counselor to get some help and guidance on the whole life situation, not jsut "I want more sex". hope this helps.

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (5 October 2009):

birdynumnums agony auntWhen 'she goes out with her friends', do you mean her other 'mommy' friends - and is she also 'out' with them and their children?

'Cause that's not down time, that's her new job, and believe me, that's work! If that's the case, hanging with a bunch of other moms isn't a party, that's survival. She is bonding with other Moms, learning skills, and surviving the total transformation of her life.

If you want more time with her, you new to strategize how to make her have some free time for you. That new baby needs 24/7 care, and right now, she is the main caregiver.

You need to plan and pick up the slack in order to free up your wife's time and mind and have it focus on other things! Right now, she is the prime caregiver and you are just whining about yourself. Does she have anyone else whining around her? Yes Sir! AND You are their FATHER!!! Does she need more whining when she is dealing with your child's? Does your son/daughter look up at her and say - "You are a GREAT Mom! Thanks for letting me spit up on you!"? Does she get paid for this, or can she put it on her CV? NO!!!

I'm sure she is feeling a little lost about her loss of status and exiting from the working world, the least that you can do is occasionally thank her for taking such good care of your child. You have both made this decision for the three of you, but Her life has totally changed.

Relatives? In-laws? Weekends? Mom and Dad? I'm guessing that you have a lot of other people at your disposal. Start making some space for the two of you as a couple and make your wife's job a little easier. She will come around, if you make her life life and this HUGE transition in it right now easier for her.

What's more, she will remember what a fantastic husband you were when the kids were small, and she has her sexual "prime" in her thirties and forties!!!

Just get on with making her life a bit easier and realize that you need to 'schedule' romantic interludes. "For better or for worse" only refers to the ebbs and flows of married life. This is a very normal stage in young married life! AND This too shall pass!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

I am sorry to hear about the lack of intamcy you share* with your wife. Seeing how I am a woman this may seem Im taking sides when simply Im not! I was married a stay at home mom and went to school, so let me tell you probably what she feels* Stress, then more stress. Just like you, you feel the stress of taking care of your family and work and bills. She feels the same except family, passing the next class, studing for that exam or mid-term, being a good wife & mother, and taking care of the house, she is playing alot of roles. Somtimes she needs a break, so she makes time for sanity by going out with her friends... ( her time away from the lb's she bares on her shoulders) SO LET'S GET TO THE KEY POINT YOU WANT SEX, so what did you do when you guys dated that drove her crazy? Plan dates with your wife romance the panties off of her, don't expect or complain about not getting enough sex... After all we both know men hate when woman nag,it works both ways... Pataince, compation, and most of all due little things like run her bath water, light candles - say babe Im so proud of you, I love you let me take care of you tonight.. In doing all these things she will see you for you, and want more... Good Luck***

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2009):

You're hardly the first guy to have this happen, and you won't be the last. Believe me, I understand your frustration.

The thing of it is, she's a new mom, and the child is clinging to her all the time. She desperately needs space where someone isn't touching her. Your need for her is just overload after what the child needs, and of course the child's needs come first.

The best you can do is to take as much as possible off her plate. Clean the house, make the meals, change and bathe the child. Do as much as you can with the child so that she isn't clinging to her mother.

Ya, it sounds like I'm some feminist or something. Actually it's a father of three kids who's learned what it takes to live with a mother, and who still hopes to have sex once in a while. This is your life as a parent. Deal with it. Frankly you're doing well to get sex as often as you do.

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