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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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A rushed wedding? Advice please!
Q. My boyfriend is in the Canadian army and we have been dating for a year and three months now. He recently was told by one his advisers that during his leave in august he should get married because in October he has to move to another base and he ...
A. 27 March 2009: You've been given a lot of good advice. I have to agree with those who have brought up the Marriage part as being the thing that you should be focusing on most.
What kind of marriage have you pictured yourself in?
If you are okay with being on... (read in full...)
Drifting away and always in a bad mood..why?
Q. I started talking to this really great guy a few weeks back. He goes to the same school as me but I don't really see him around much so we mostly talked through IM and texting. We seemed to really hit it off- we have the same interests, same ...
A. 27 March 2009: How long did he go out with her for? If it was for a long time, he could still be having issues about the breakup.
If I were you, I would cool it and NOT pursue him any more. Give him a whole bunch of space and let him come to you if he want... (read in full...)
Proper grammar please!!!
Q. this is not to do with relationships or anything like that but i just had to point it out: why doesn't anybody use grammar properly on this website or anywhere else! nobody seems to know the difference between to and too or between there, they're ...
A. 26 March 2009: I would seriously love to hear Pepper reply to this question...*
*Those who knew her when she was active on the site will be in on the joke.
KerplopSquidgyHUGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSS wherever you are...... (read in full...)
I wonder if we are just married as a habit now
Q. I am 46 and have been married to my husband for 22 years. We met when we were both 17 and we are the only partners each of us have had. Our relationship has changed over the years but and is now at the stage that I still love my husband but I am...
A. 26 March 2009: "Our sex life is almost non existant, which is fine with me, but I know it disappoints him."
I think that's what jumped off the page to me. I'm 53 and have been married 30 years. I would really miss the intimacy that comes from sex. We have live... (read in full...)
He won't go out with me because I'm "flat chested" Grrrrr
Q. Well basically, I am 14 and I am not fully 'developed' yet. Like I haven't started my period and my boobs are basically like mosquito bites. This is because my mum developed really late. She didn't start her period til she was 16 but the annoying ...
A. 26 March 2009: Seriously, Cootie Central...
Here's the issue - if you start taking this seriously, you are doing yourself the biggest disservice by missing the point.
You know that by His being concerned ONLY about those things, like your breast size, he is to... (read in full...)
Opinions on women going braless
Q. Well I have been doing some research and I keep finding out that it has never been proven that bras help keep breast firm, or stop them from sagging. I've been thinking about this issue, and what bras mean in the bigger picture, and I just don't ...
A. 25 March 2009: My husband recently remarked that my breasts "have held up nicely", but that because I have worn VERY supportive bras all my life, and I am a C cup. I also agree with eyes that having the temperature read by my chest isn't pleasant when you notice ... (read in full...)
Husband wants me to have family in room when I give birth...im not so keen..
Q. Hi, im preganant and baby due in august. Me and my husband are both thrilled but theres 1 aspect im not happy with.... I am having a hospital birth and so far a vaginal birth which is all good but my husband wants his parents and possibly som...
A. 25 March 2009: I say, Your VA-J-J, Your Rules.
I agree with all the aunts that support your deciding who is in the room. It's you who is being exposed, not your husband, so it's not his decision.
My husband and I gave birth together, Alone, (aside from the... (read in full...)
How do you get tested for HIV/AIDS? Is it a urine test? or what?
Q. This is probably going to be a long one but I'm worried! Recently I've been thinking about getting a HIV test but I'm too scared to do it and to tell anyone, I'm not sure if I'm positive or not, I've had sexual intercourse with about 7 people u...
A. 25 March 2009: Please don't have sex again until you are completely sure about being negative. You are responsible for yours and your future partners health, and you need to inform or ask previous partners about their status. In other words, risky sex and ... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish because I want to be a mother?
Q. I've been married for a year and a half together for four. I believe I'm ready to have a child, I'm in my late 20s and I want to be a mother. My husband is not ready. Throughout everything in our relationship I always have to be the submissive ...
A. 25 March 2009: Here's a web site to check out:
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-are-the-risks-of-steroid-use.htm
... (read in full...)
Am I being selfish because I want to be a mother?
Q. I've been married for a year and a half together for four. I believe I'm ready to have a child, I'm in my late 20s and I want to be a mother. My husband is not ready. Throughout everything in our relationship I always have to be the submissive ...
A. 24 March 2009: Steroids? Why on earth is he on steroids?
I wouldn't force an unreasonable husband on steroids to have a child that he doesn't want.
Do you know the side effects of steroids? It can affect his health, his mood swings, his temper, and God only... (read in full...)
Can using a vibrator ruin your vagina?
Q. would using a vibrator ruin my vagina? would it give me BV or would the vibrating make it look different than a regular vigina?...
A. 23 March 2009: Every single woman can give birth vaginally, pass a 5 to 10 pound baby out of her vagina, and then still successfully use tampons to control her monthly flow. If a woman can still use a tampon, her vagina must be relatively normal! I hardly think ... (read in full...)
Period pain and cramps.
Q. What is going on with me? I'm 13 and I've had my period since I was 10 years old. Last night I started for this month and I was getting ready for bed at about 1 am, I love staying up late on weekends and I couldn't fall asleep. I got the worst ...
A. 23 March 2009: You have received very good support from the anon writer.
What you are going to experience throughout your life is that your periods are going to be in a constant state of flux; depending on your age - your cycle - whether or not you have give... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I had sex too early
Q. I had sex with my bf for the first time last week and I'm worried that it happened too early. It was my first time but not his. It was left totally up to me by him, I was not at all pressured into it and I really wanted it to be him, but I get the ...
A. 22 March 2009: Even if a guy's family has money, a man has to stand on his own two feet, financially. That's what your future husband and father of your children should be expecting to do, right?
So let's talk about making plans and making babies. That's what... (read in full...)
My friend thinks my relationship is emotionally abusive! How can I make her see sense?
Q. Help! I was talking to my friend last night and I told her a story about something my bf had said to me. Unexpectedly, she TOTALLY freaked out. She and my bf were close friends, but now she says she hates him. She thinks our relationship is ...
A. 21 March 2009: You didn't explain what incident it was that your friend thought was emotionally abusive between you and your boyfriend, but if this has you questioning yourself and it has scared you, perhaps you need to discuss it with an adult. Your Mom or Dad ... (read in full...)
My sister wanted me to spy on her fiance..do I tell her what I found?
Q. my sister sent ne on a mission to spy on her fiance. their wedding wud take place in three weeks. well, i got to find out he has an affair wt his coleague at work and when i caught him red handed in an eatery, hugging her, saying bye see u later , ...
A. 17 March 2009: When she asked for you to spy on her behalf, that was proof that she already suspected that something was up, unfortunately.
I suspect that you have seen the truth and that he isn't 100% faithful, but you may not be able to convince her of that... (read in full...)
I'm wondering what kind of person my boyfriend is.
Q. I've been seeing this man for the past 4 months. He's a professional, intelligent, funny and very caring. It was supposed to be a casual meeting which turned into a one night stand which turned into a relationship. i met him through the inte...
A. 17 March 2009: When someone shows you who they are - Believe them; the first time.
- Maya Angelou
You probably wouldn't be writing us otherwise...
... (read in full...)
Moral Dilemma - should I have an affair with a married man?
Q. I've been thinking about having an affair with a 50 year old married man. He has made it very clear to me that he is married, has children and is not going to leave his family. I honestly do not care because I'm not looking for a relationship with ...
A. 16 March 2009: The main problem about what you are proposing to do is that you are attracted to him, and making love with a man draws you closer in love with him.
We are women. That's the way we are built. Sex draws us closer.
He doesn't have the same int... (read in full...)
Trying for a second child after the death of our baby...
Q. Trying for a second after the death of our baby. My husband and I were high school sweet hearts and both knew we wanted to have children. Sortly after we got married we tried to get pregnant after 3 years and many tries we finally got pregnant...
A. 13 March 2009: If you have already tried to open the lines of communication and he isn't having it, I would try to find a counselor, therapist or support group to help him open up and grieve. This is obviously painful for him, of course, but you need to talk. ... (read in full...)
I kissed my friend's boyfriend when I was drunk and she's found out!
Q. I kissed my friend's boyfriend about a month ago, I was drunk. I told another friend and asked her to keep it a secret as I decided not to tell her as it seemed the best thing to do at the time. Since then me and her have got really close and not ...
A. 12 March 2009: I would apologize once, twice, thrice, as long as it takes. Grovel. Beg. And then plead. After that, it's up to her to accept it and forgive you or not.
But don't expect her to. When all is said and done, that's her decision.
You have to ... (read in full...)
I have been hiding my relationship from my parents
Q. I have to hide my relationship with my boyfriend of a year from my parents, just because of his families relgion and it's cause me to become so depressed. His family are muslim but are not as strict as many are protrayed. I really love my boyfrien...
A. 12 March 2009: My daughter came to me when she was involved with a family of a very different religion; although they were practicing theirs and we were not. I warned her that often, people of this certain faith wanted to marry inside their own religion; and I ... (read in full...)
Will this make sex easier? Or more painful?
Q. Hey, I've been going out with my current boyfriend for nearly half a year now, and lately we've been discussing having sex. I love him so much and i'd be willing to give my virginity to him, i just worry, will it hurt? he was fingering me the...
A. 12 March 2009: Well, I'm 53.
And I have a daughter older than you.
And even though someone who is as old as my son is addressing you and has a child, you probably think we're all past it!
BUT... "Experience" of this nature is a harsh, harsh reality!
... (read in full...)
What is going on with this guy and is it over???
Q. Back in September I met this guy at a bar, he was looking at me like no one had ever looked at me before. I decided to talk to him and give him my number. He called me three days later and we went out on our first date. He was really into me a...
A. 11 March 2009: Aha... Then I suspect that he is still hung up on the ex and not ready to move on. (Again, just suspect...)
You need to hear him out though, and Gina had a great point about letting him do all the talking before you put in your two cents wort... (read in full...)
What is going on with this guy and is it over???
Q. Back in September I met this guy at a bar, he was looking at me like no one had ever looked at me before. I decided to talk to him and give him my number. He called me three days later and we went out on our first date. He was really into me a...
A. 10 March 2009: Why do I have the feeling there is a long, long explanation going back to the beginning? I just have a sneaking suspicion that he has had someone else all along... It almost sounds like he is a married guy cheating the way you describe things. ... (read in full...)
Ladies: Poll about size
Q. Ok ladies I have been in a discussion with my girlfriend and many other females the age old question here goes . DOES SIZE MATTER ? IS IT THE LENGTH ? IS IT THE GIRTH ? IS IT BOTH ? I am just asking. Please do not assume i am a...
A. 6 March 2009: I once read a marvelous article about what a woman loves about a man. The condensed version was that women are far more interested in a man's lips, eyes and hands, and that although they weren't ignorant of what a well-trained penis could do, a ... (read in full...)
Is it right to keep her close to me even though I'm going to break up with her again? The sex is good!
Q. Hi my name is Sam this is the second time i come for addvise on the same relationship. my previouse question was answered with appreciation. Well i,ll start by saying that there is much to say but i will keep it short. I have broken up with my girl ...
A. 6 March 2009: You know that you wouldn't be writing in here if you knew in your heart that it was okay. What you are doing is tantamount to using her solely for the sex, because you have stated that you know you aren't interested in a future with her. Do the ... (read in full...)
When he's good..he's good...but when he's bad..its horrid!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and he is incredibly moody and controlling. He will be completely happy one day and the next he is sad and nothing at all can bring his spirits up. When he is happy he is the sweetest, funniest, ...
A. 5 March 2009: Good Heavens! Why on earth are you moving in with him, for financial reasons? When you know what a control freak he is? You have got to take a step back and realize that those things that you have mentioned, the control, the mood swings, the ... (read in full...)
I need ideas... What can I do to show her that I really do love her?
Q. Can someone please help me? My girlfriend says that I don't love her but I do and she said she'll forgive me if I show that I cared abt her.. how can I show her that I care? I really need help, I'm a clueless person and this is my first ...
A. 4 March 2009: I can feel that you are in love with her from what you have written. It's such a difficult thing to explain, but the fact is that you are speaking two different languages, male and female! The best explanation is in the book, "Men are from Mars, ... (read in full...)
Licking a penis!
Q. Ok, So I'm 15 and a virgin. What can you get from licking a penis? It's a really stupid question I know.. but I want to know. Is it dangerous? Can you get an STD?...
A. 3 March 2009: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When you are older and know all about how to protect yourself in all sexual situations, then follow your heart and your conscience. At 15, you shouldn't feel any pressure to "please" a guy just because you have heard abou... (read in full...)
I am having a baby boy and I need help with names!
Q. HELLO!! I am very excited, and I know this is a relationship site but I would very much appreciate your opinion? I am havinga baby boy in a like two weeks and me and my husband can't agree on the name. We want something powerful and I was think...
A. 17 February 2009: I actually knew a couple who named their poor son Thor... If you can ridicule and make fun of a regular name, then figure out how much fun you would have if you landed on your ass in the schoolyard with a name like Thor. Perhaps He-Man and She-Ra ... (read in full...)
How can I let him know I'm nowhere ready to sleep with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 months. I once told him that I'm not abstinent because of my religion but I explained to him that I'm not just gonna give it up to any guy but I think he's been hinting me that he thinks he's gonna get ...
A. 14 February 2009: Pictures have an incredibly long "shelf life" and once they are our there, they are totally out of your jurisdiction. So don't give in to the emotional blackmail to hand them over. And good for you for sticking to your guns. The fact is, women ... (read in full...)
DearCupid had over one million people visit the site in January!
Q. I have just peeped at our visitor figures for January 2009, the month just gone, and I'm excited to see that DearCupid passed 1,000,000 (yes, one MILLION!) unique visitors/month for the first time. According to Google Analytics we had 1,040,812 ...
A. 3 February 2009: Hello Andrew in England!
Congratulations! It's an amazing milestone!
Congratulations to all who write in, help, and answer too!
Birdy
XXX... (read in full...)
I want my b/f to grow up!
Q. My boyfriend and me have been together for 4 years now. Well hes been a bit of a jerk lately, here's why. 1. He forgot he had to meet my parents and me look stupid. 2. He forgot my birthday 2 times in a row. 3. When he make it to me we bot...
A. 25 January 2009: Perhaps you can speak with him directly, if this is him...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/wnats-the-big-deal.html
... (read in full...)
Life span of sperm?
Q. i just wanted to know how long can sperm live outside in room temperature ...
A. 25 January 2009: 72 hours (in a moist environment) or until it dries up...... (read in full...)
Wnats the big deaL?
Q. Me and my girlfriend (of 4 years) went to a bar last week (it was her birthday). Long story short I had a bit to much drink. (this is what she told me b/c I don't really remember the night very well) I started flirting with a random woman in front ...
A. 25 January 2009: It was HER Birthday. That means that she should have gotten sloppy drunk, flirted with a hot stranger in front of you, then danced with hi at the bar... Then you should have taken her home safely and had HER throw up on YOU, not the other way ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is missing a sensitivity chip
Q. I have the world's most awesome boyfriend, most of the time, but sometimes I feel like he's missing a sensitivity chip. Usually it's him ranting about something at work that has annoyed him and I'm the one listening and giving advice, but today my ...
A. 23 January 2009: You are operating at crossed purposes. He is ranting, not because he wants you to help him or to solve his problem, he is yelling because he wants to vent! You are trying to fix his problem and sooth him, but the act of venting is what is actually ... (read in full...)
We want to have a baby but he had a vasectomy
Q. I need some answers I just got married in Dec and we are wantin to have a baby but he has had a vasectomy so what are the chances of that happening or will he have to get that reversed before we can have a baby?? please help me with this thank you...
A. 23 January 2009: Try this link:
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/vasectomy-reversal/MY00326
... (read in full...)
Comments on his facebook have got me wondering what he feels towards me
Q. I've just split up from a long term relationship. I like this new guy. We've met twice, the first time I chatted to him briefly, I knew that I liked him but thought he didn't like me as he didn't seem that responsive so I left as I didn't want to ...
A. 23 January 2009: I can see how you would feel a bit put off by finding out about this, but try to keep things in perspective. It's good that there is a bit of distance between you and that you recognize that you want to take this slowly, but obviously, your ... (read in full...)
What can I wear that will make him just say, "Damn she's Hot!"
Q. Going out on a third date with this guy I'm dating. Not sure what to wear to a club. What will make him just say, "Damn she's Hot!" And make him want to take me back to his apartment, rip my clothes right off, and have his way with me...Ummm not ...
A. 23 January 2009: Wear a great big smile with whatever else you put on for the evening, and right before you get to the club, say ~
"OMG! I forgot my panties tonight and I am getting a chill without my underwear".
It's childish, I know... BUT, I can guarante... (read in full...)
Would stomach growling turn you off?
Q. This is a bit of an embarrassing question but it's something I deal with personally. Would it turn you off if the person you were interested in had a stomach that growled loudly all the time? My tummy always seem to growl and it's really ...
A. 23 January 2009: Usually your tummy growls when it is empty, so keep a snack in your purse that you can pop into your mouth at a moments notice to quiet it down. Those little boxes of raisins are quiet in class. I think the last writer had a great point. ... (read in full...)
I'm really mad at him and I rather not talk to him. What do I do?
Q. My husband and me had this horrible fight about our money issues (which is the only thing we ever fight about). It got so bad he call me a stupid cow. He got me all upset and I slept at a friend's house. He's calling me nonstop (and it's getting ...
A. 23 January 2009: Honey, you are married and there are going to be fights. Deal with this problem with your husband. Money is the main thing that married couples argue about, and it's also the main thing that they divorce over.
Running away, name calling, and ... (read in full...)
Have I lost perspective on my wife's sexual past?
Q. Have I lost perspective on my wife's sexual past? When we first started dating, we told each other about our past. I had a 2 yr relationship. She had dated in high school, and did some heavy petting. Then just a month before we met, she dated a ...
A. 22 January 2009: If you were abused by a parent and your first girlfriend, that you lost your virginity with, cheated on you, then I'd say it was a reasonable thing to think that you are having trust issues.
Jealousy and control issues can come up in any rela... (read in full...)
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