A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26 year old mostly straight male. Ever since I was in my early teens, I have been extremely aroused at the idea of hanging with a buddy and us both being shirtless with our arms around each other. At times when I've been able to do this, which have been very few, it was extremely satisfying to me. Its also very erotic for me to see other guys behaving in this way. My fantasies usually involve me and a close buddy on the couch in our boxers, arms around each others shoulders, either watching a movie or having conversation, but nothing beyond that period. At first I thought I was bisexual, and experimented in the gay community for a couple of years but nothing else about being with a man does anything for me other than being shirtless and hugging. I have come to the conclusion that its a strange fetish. That said, its a fetish that I'll never be able to fulfill because most of my straight buddies would think it weird and that I was coming onto them if I attempted it. When straight guys do this, 99% of the time there is a ton of alcohol involved. It wont work with my gay friends either because they can't handle that degree of closeness without it going further.I have come to the conclusion that the fetish isn't rooted in sexual attraction but is because of deep male bonding issues from my childhood. I never had any positive male influences in my life and never had a "best friend" growing up.Is there any way possible to fulfill this desire? If not, how can I simply move on from it?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (15 December 2012):
Your theory may be correct. Think about it: you wouldn’t get shirtless and put your arms around some-one unless you were very close to them. Maybe what you’re desiring is the intimacy of a close friendship and although that’s an emotional form of intimacy, in your mind you translate it in to a physical intimacy because it’s perhaps easier to process. Maybe you’re doing that because you never really figured out what it was, and it’s easier to comprehend a physical desire. Understanding your need to be close to some-one’s a lot harder than thinking about being physically cuddled up to some-one in the way you describe. But why is it sexually pleasing to you, given that you’re not sexually attracted to men? Probably just a further sign of your confusion about this. A single fetish, or fantasy, doesn’t define your sexual orientation. If we think of gay and straight as opposites, most people are probably somewhere between, most being predominantly straight, others predominantly gay and some in the middle who we might term bisexuals. That’s a bit of a crude way to think of it but psychologists have been known to produce scales in this way. The point is that you ought not to think that a single fantasy means your whole sexual identity (in your case as straight) is in question. So will this desire go away? Who knows! But it’s not weird or something to be ashamed of.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 December 2012):
 You sound like a very mature and switched on young man. You are more than likely right, you never had a close male bond growing up so you are no doubt mixing it up in your head that this closeness with a guy satisfies you and you are mixing it up with sexual satisfaction where it probably is not, it is more than likely longing for something you feel you never truly had. Would you ever consider going to see a counsellor over this, to discuss it and try and move away from it.
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