A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For convenience, I am going to call the guy Matt.Matt and I got to know each other at the end of September at a house party. We are both on the same course at uni and therefore spend a lot of time together due to being in the same lectures and seminars. In the middle of October we got off at a nightclub but I refused to go back to his for sex because my friend was staying at mine and it wasn't fair on me to leave her. Then, two weeks later we got off again at Halloween, he asked me to go back to his but again I said no as this time I was staying at a different friends house and also I had an early lecture which he wasn't in and I couldn't miss under any circumstances. It could be said I was putting off the whole sex thing too until after a little date or two...Anyways, to put a long story short, we have literally been texting everyday and in some respects in a flirtatious manner! He even suggested we go to nandos (a portugese casual chicken restaurant, not expensive!!) which he brought up twice so it could be said that it was a casual date.. we never ended up going simply because we couldn't find a time which we were both free around our assignments. We both hadn't been out on the same night since Halloween but we both went to a Christmas ball. We had been texting all day but at the ball he was not very friendly so I went up to him and asked "what's going on?" His reply was "I'm really attracted to you, but I don't want to lead you on" one could say this is the most contradictory comment ever and left me confused. I decided to leave it and not text him until he texted me, he next texted me 4 days later and asked a question about the course and obviously we got chatting again but this was only for one day.Two days later I find out that he had been heard having sex by an acquaintance of mine who told me! She heard them as her boyfriend lives in the same house as Matt. I was very upset and angry! So I texted him saying "you know what, I thought you were a nice guy, not a player, obviously I was ^^^ing wrong" he replied the next day with "erm how/why am I player? I am sorry if I have hurt you. :(" I then replied a while after with "you've been giving me mixed messages whilst you've been having fun.. by the way you missed an important lecture the other day. Seasons greetings!" I only added seasons greetings to make it softer but now I think it looks mean, but it generally wasn't meant like that!! So my situation.. Has Matt played me? Have I done the right thing texting him what I did? What should I do when I return back to uni in January?! I feel he did play me texting me everyday and suggesting the nandos meal...... Thanks for any advice I really appreciate it xxx
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christmas, flirt, mixed messages, player, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 If you two would have had sex, then yes he would've been playing you. Since that did not occur, you didn't get played. I think it's more or less you're upset for being blindsided by his promiscuous ways.
Just because he asked you out for dinner, doesn't mean a thing. He's been trying to get into your knickers since Day 1!! I don't know why you're taken aback by this.
I would leave it. There's nothing there but a good time for him.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (16 December 2012):
 I don't know that he played you, because he made the comment about not wanting to lead you on. Inviting you to Nando's could be interpreted as a 'date' but anyway it didn't happen and he took his chances with someone who was happy to have sex with him.
It's good you turned him down for sex twice. But maybe, instead of telling him it was because of practical issues, you could have said (or added) that you don't want to have casual sex. He might have got the impression that you were quite happy to go along with casual sex and it was only the practical issues holding you back. If that's the case, he's not a player because he thought you both wanted the same thing.
Your text is OK, don't worry about it. You've sent it, no use stewing over it.
Just think how much worse it would be seeing him if you had ended up having a one (or two) night stand with him ... So hold your head up and be civil to him when you see him; don't apologise for the text!
Be clear about what you want (and don't want) with guys, and stick to your boundaries. I hope you manage to forget about all this during the Christmas break.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 December 2012):
Well he said he wasn’t going to lead you on so at least he was honest in the end. This isn’t worth worrying about anymore: just be glad you didn’t have sex with him and accept that you both want different things. You might as well be friendly when you see him as there’s no point starting a feud but just stop the texting and regular contact.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, Red591 +, writes (16 December 2012):
 If he is at a university then he is prob early 20's and out for sex. They can't help themselves (some can but I bet its not the attractive ones)life sucks like that. I will say that most of them eventually want more than that but i just got played by someone who is late 30's who apparently is still behaving like a frat boy so some never mature or at least i'm not going to be the catalyst to cause it.
Focus on you and your studies. You have a lifetime to meet Mr. Right but you can have some fun with some Mr. Wrongs along the way ;)
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