| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi aunts! So, I have a great friend. We have been really close for years. He is gay, I'm not. Last year he has ben through something really really traumatic (his boyfriend killed himself). I have done everything in my power to be the most supportive friend he could ever have have. I took him on a holiday, listened to his problems, even he admits that without me he may never had gotten through it all (of course he would have but I was really happy I was able to help). Now he has a new relationship. I am super happy for him and I like the new guy. It is just that even though he made a point about not wanting to lose his independence this is what is happening. For the past 5 months him and I have never managed to go out together as we did, not once, he constantly tells me how important I am to him and then ALWAYS cancels at the last minute. every single time. When I needed a bit of suppert (death in the family) I was overshadowed because of some drama in his new relationship.I know he loves me but I feel terribly neglected. He has been through a lot but how much slack should I cut him. I have not exactly been swimming in good luck myself and could use some reciprocity here. So, last night he bailed out yet again and I replied to his sloppy apology message with my own, pointing out that he has cancelled every single appointment the two of us made for the past 5 months so I m very sad. I get that he has been through hell and that this is a honeymoon period for his new love (I really dig the guy but that is not the point) but I do feel awfully neglected and he has not answered my message, a day later. How should I proceed?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (5 December 2012):
Call him instead of texting. Be honest with him. Tell him how his repeated cancelling at the last minute is making you feel. Tell him that you could do with a friend at this time at you feel disappointed that he has made no time for you. You were there for him when he was going through something that is so appalling that no-one should ever have to go through that. You were doubtless burdened yourself by all this but you took it all and gave him the support he needed because you’re a good friend. Now you’ve got the right to expect a bit of support in return, not because it’s about repaying a debt, but because friendship is two-way. Don’t be afraid to tell him how you feel about his actions.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 You done the right thing by telling him how you feel. You where there for him and it shows who your real friends are when you need someone or support. I guess the ball is in his court now so I would leave it up to him to reply. My guess is that you have met up with him in the last five months as you seem to have met his new partner. As long as you are not expecting to much from him then you have every right to feel upset. So you have said your bit now I guess the only thing you can do is stand your ground and wait for him to reply.
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