A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing my girlfriend for just over a year, I love her to bits. About 4-months ago I had a one night stand, not full blown sex but heavy fondling. I'd drunk wayyy too much. Halfway through I came to my senses stopped and went home.The next day I felt sick at what I'd done, truly sick and it made me realise what an idiot I'd been and that I truly loved my girlfriend. I beat myself up over it but decided best thing was not to say anything. Please believe me, I'm not a cheater persé. This is the first time I've ever done something like this and I'm truly ashamed. Especially as I adore my girlfriend more than I have anyone before.For some reason I gave this girl my number, she's recently got in contact, texting and phoning, which I've not responded to.Today I had a voicemail saying that her boyfriend had found after seeing her texts and that he is going to tell my girlfriend what happened. He also phoned me and went ballistic at me.He doesn't know where my girlfriend lives but his girlfriend does. I'm now terrified that they will go round there and cause trouble at her door. I know don't know whether to ride this out and hope it all dies down or confess to my girlfriend. If they go round or if I tell her she will end the relationship for certain. I'm 100% sure of that.Any advice??
View related questions:
drunk, one night stand, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2012): Cheers for all the advice. I sort of listened to one answer only. Here's what I decided to do; I phoned him back, told him he was a total d**k, his skanky girlfriend is nothing to do with me and is a pestering freak. That they were both sad b******s and if he even thought about looking at my girlfriend let alone speaking to her I'd break his neck. No one's been around and my phone's gone quiet. Result! Back on track with no need to confess.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2012): Tell your girlfriend what happened before anyone else does. If you are truly sorry then be a man and fess up. you don't love her otherwise this would have never happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (14 November 2012):
 "He doesn't know where my girlfriend lives but his girlfriend does. I'm now terrified that they will go round there and cause trouble at her door."
Fist off, how does your one night stand know where your gf lives? Do you know this girl? Does she know your gf? It's very bizarre and unlikely for a stranger you slept with to know where your girlfriend lives. Secondly, why do you think that BOTH of them would be looking and stalking her down to tell her?
Another thing that doesn't make sense is that you were fooling around with this girl 4 months ago and according to your story, you came to your senses and left her. So between then and now, when did you manage to give her your number? Makes no sense at all. And you "don't know" why you gave her your number. Sorry, but that's BS. You know why you gave her the number. And frankly, I don't believe for a second that you didn't text, or talk to her. If you were truly trying to get rid of her and cease contact, you would have blocked her from your phone. You don't just sit at the receiving end of text messages and phone calls and do nothing. Most people don't and for those that very few that do not respond, they're gloating in their own ego. So something is very much so amiss your story.
Frankly, your girlfriend deserves someone much better than you. And for her sake, I hope she loses you quick.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2012): Dude you need to tell her the truth. I hate people that use being drunk an excuse. You shouldn't put yourself in that situation. Put yourself in her shoes, you'd wanna know wouldn't you?
...............................
A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (13 November 2012):
You would be better telling her before she finds out. I cannot understand why you think you love your girlfriend to bits. If you did, you wouldnt be here asking this question.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 November 2012):
 Shit happens when you do stupid stuff....
So you have 3 choices:
1. (the moral one) FESS up to your GF and hope for the best.
2. Continue to lie and hope the other dude doesn't find her or her number and live with the guilt.
3. Continue to lie and she finds out and dumps you.
The thing that kind makes me annoyed it this. You are more worried about what is going to happen to YOU, because YOU and your drunken one night stand got CAUGHT. You don't seem to be worried about how your GF will feel knowing her BF can't keep it in his pants after a few pints.
Honestly, if you want to have ANY chance at "keeping" your GF, you NEED to fess up. She might find it in her heart to forgive you and work through this, but if she finds out otherwise it's about 100% sure (if she has any sense) that she will dump you.
OWN your actions, no matter how stupid they are.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): The idea of the two of them arriving on her doorstep and breaking that type of news to her is pretty horrible! It would make it very difficult for her to keep seeing you if you allowed that to happen.
I dont suggest you lie to your girlfriend to try and cover up your actions. That would be wrong. Be honest with her and beg her forgiveness, thats all you can do.
As for this guy who is pestering you. Phone him and apologise, explain it was a dreadful mistake, nothing much happened and YOU are going to tell your girlfriend, so he can no longer threaten you with this. Then tell him you are changing your number and if you hear anymore from him you will seek legal advice. Then change your number and explain why you have had to do this to your girlfriend. Hopefully she will forgive you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): I just want to say, come clean! Dont let them tell her (it may be a bluff but who knows right).
My ex had a thing like this and he was acting very strange I asked him what was wrong and he told me that the girl that was staying at our place the night before and he and she were sitting on the lounge chair, and he massaged her feet. I laughed and told him that was nothing and he was being silly. We had gone away for the night and I had left my phone at home. When we got home the next day there was 7 text msgs on my phone, and you know what they were all from the girl and he and she were 'heavy petting' no sex, but there was other stuff.
He did not deny it but there was a thousand appoligies and flowers for a week. But I could not forgive him, what had made it worse was that he did not have the guts to tell me himself, he did not respect me enough to tell me.
So what I am saying is don't be the guttless one, she will be pissed and she will scream and cry and feel so betrayed, but if you do it right she may forgive you. Then again she may not, she may ask for time to think and you need to give her that, don't push her to talk, don't bombard her with texts and stuff. Give her space if she asks for it.
Good Luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (13 November 2012):
 P.S. Change your phone number. That should stop the harrassing calls. But watch your back for awhile.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (13 November 2012):
Well if you plan to take this to your grave I suggest you move her into your place and while you're at it you need to tell her there's someone who's been threatening to harm her. I don't know what you do for a living, but maybe you can blame it on something that has to do with work. Like if you work in collections, some 'crazy guy' who owes the company money has been making threats. Then suggest she move in with you so you can protect her. Plus this way if he does get to her and starts blabbing, she'll be more inclined to think it's just a bunch of crap. The guy has no proof. He could just be a trouble maker trying to make your life difficult. Good luck. I hope you learned your lesson and she never does find out. It's usually numero uno deal breaker for most women.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2012): I agree with the others who have said come clean. I know it's easier said than done, but wouldn't you rather your girlfriend hear it from you than them? This way, she will at least take into consideration the fact that you were honest to her about it. If she finds out from them, she will most likely be even more angry that you hid it from her. And she probably won't stay with you. Think if the tables were turned. Would you want to hear from a complete stranger that your girlfriend got drunk and fooled around with some guy? I don't think so.
If you want to save this relationship, you know what you have to do. And being "way too drunk" is not an excuse, because you CHOSE to drink that much. No one forced you. Alcohol or not, you did something wrong, and the only way to make it right is to take responsibility.
...............................
A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (12 November 2012):
 I just wanted to add something. If you tell her yourself and beg forgiveness, say it'll never happen again on your own you have a much better chance for her to forgive you. If she found out from a stranger what happened and THEN you apologized it no longer seems genuine, you only said sorry because you were caught, and you were content to continue lying to her. That is unforgivable. So really you are taking the lesser of two evils and hoping for the best and that's really all you can do after a mistake like this. If you can help it don't mention the girl and boyfriend blackmailing you.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2012): Yeah, thanks....I think I knew that was what I had to do, just was hoping there may be an easier...by that I suppose cowardly...way out of...do nothing!! Sit it out, it'll all blow over.
Just had a text off my girlfriend saying night and that she loves me loads. Urgh.
As for why all of a sudden texting, I'd had a few the week after it all but it all when quiet. And as for why I gave my number out, Lord only knows. Total prat.
Ah well, keep an eye out for post...dumped after confessing to drunken stupidity!!!!! Gutted.com
...............................
A
male
reader, somewhere_between +, writes (12 November 2012):
 You should come clean to your girlfriend and give her the choice of whether to dump you or not. The other guy is blaming you instead of dumping his easy to get girlfriend. Tell him it`s not your fault that his girlfriend is easy. If it wasnt you it would have been someone else and I bet you are not the first one she`s got off with.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 November 2012):
 Hi
It all sounds a bit extreme seeing as nothing happened and you sobered up,left and went home.
I don't get what her or her boyfriends problem is? It was 4 months ago and suddenly you get all these calls and texts off her. Why you gave her your number is beyond me when she was a one off 'mistake' and you didnt have sex.
Anyway, confess to your girlfriend, along with huge apologies, be open and honest, show her the texts from this woman if you have to. Explain how much you love her, know you did wrong it was a one off error. Its all you can do and hopefully together you can get past this,she will be hurt and angry but if your genuine, may forgive you.Also if your girlfriend knows, then this woman and her bloke have nothing they can 'reveal' to her,so will hopefully back off.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (12 November 2012):
Come clean before they tell her. It’s quite understandable why you didn’t say anything at the time. You got drunk, and you made a mistake. If you’d learned your lesson then there would be no need to hurt your girlfriend by telling her what happened. But unfortunately, it seems like it’s only a matter of time before she finds out, or picks up on your anxiety as you worry and keep looking over your shoulder. Sit your girlfriend down, and explain what happened. Tell her that you soon came to your senses and stopped it from going any further because you love her and you knew it was wrong. Explain that you were scared to lose her and that you didn’t tell her because of how much she means to you. Tell her that you care too much for her to allow her to hear it from anyone else. Finally, tell her you’re sorry and how much your relationship means to you. Perhaps she will be able to forgive you. In any case, if you will survive this as a couple the outlook will be better if you own up to your mistake rather than let this girl and her boyfriend humiliate your girlfriend.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
