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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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How can I be a proper ladies' man?
Q. Gud day readers! Im 23 but I had only experienced having a girlfriend twice in the past and it started when i was 20. I won the hearts of both of these women way too easily. I never worked hard to win them nor did anything to impress them. I'...
A. 23 June 2007: So you want to woo the right woman do you? You need a lot of charm and charisma and you always put your date first. Be respectful of her and show good manners. Pull out her chair for her, buy her drinks, take her to dinner, pay for everything of ... (read in full...)
We're both unsure how to act with each other; we're behaving like silly schoolkids!
Q. After being single for many years, and close to giving up on relationships for good, I finally came across the perfect guy. The problem is that neither of us seem to know what to do next; we have both had bad relationships in the past. Whenever we ...
A. 23 June 2007: Just be YOURSELF! Don't try to be something different. Why don't you go bowling or skating, that will relieve the tension between you, then go for a meal or a drink afterwards. You're both just trying too hard. Next time you're together and you ... (read in full...)
How do I get over my first love?
Q. hi how do i get over my first love even though it was unreturned in the first place because i feel like a shell of a person with no soul, please tell me how to stop this felling please, i cant take it any more i feel as if i'm dyeing a slow p...
A. 23 June 2007: Just believe in yourself. Tell yourself you are meant for better things. If she didn't want to know you then that's HER loss!!! Always think positive thoughts rather than negative ones. SHE is the one that lost out here not you! Keep yourself ... (read in full...)
Please help me with my jealousy...
Q. i am 18 and ihave a baby with a man who is 7 years older than me. he i very controlling and im am very jealous due to the way i was raised. i am very insecure about my looks and my attitude. he often puts me down harshly and he is very secret ...
A. 23 June 2007: You need to become far more assertive and have more confidence in yourself. You're not a child any more, you're a mature woman with a child. Don't let his put downs get you down. Controlling men are very often that way because of THEIR ... (read in full...)
My friends tell me we are in a relationship but he does know or admit to it! Help!
Q. How to deal with friends with benefits while they are pursuing a new relationship? We move into apartment (separate rooms) and ever since we have moved in we have been having sex. Now this girl he has been talking to is coming home where does that ...
A. 23 June 2007: If he is bringing another girl to the house then I would advise you to stop his "benefits" immediately! You need to know where you stand with him. Sounds to me that he likes you and will have his way with you until someone "better" comes along. ... (read in full...)
Am I being insecure about the entire situation or do we have a problem? Help!
Q. Latley I've been feeling alot of confusion in my relationship. I don't know if I have real problems or if I'm making them up in my head. My boyfriend sometimes gets upset from stress. It affects his mood tremendously, sometimes he's stand offish, ...
A. 23 June 2007: You need to find out what is causing his stress. It could be a few things, it could be work related, he could be worried about his family, himself or the fact he's moved in with you. Drinking alleviates his stress and helps him relax more hence ... (read in full...)
I have "diencephalic syndrome" and the large penis that goes with it... how can I ever find a partner?
Q. This may come across as a myth, however, I assure you it is not. I have a condition called Diencephalic syndrome, meaning I have an extremely large penis. Last time I went to the doctor's it was measured at approximately 18 inches in length. My ...
A. 20 June 2007: It's easy for anyone to google your condition but it is far more complex than what other aunts have copied and pasted and I believe what you're saying. So what to do about it? Personally I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your penis ... (read in full...)
Should I let my daughter get to know this man better?
Q. My daughter is a very mature 17 year old who has been homeschooled, just finished her first year at college. She is becoming good friends with a 26 year old man at church who is interested in her and would like to date her. They are both devoted ...
A. 20 June 2007: I know exactly what you mean re the strict christian upbringing and I still think everything will be okay here. Like I said, she sounds mature enough, isn't rebellious and has a good head on her shoulders. There is no reason why she can't start ... (read in full...)
I was so wrong to mistreat him. I cant lose him. How can I convince him to give me another chance?
Q. Aaaargh i desperately need some advice i have been with my guy now 2.5 years and love him to bits even though he is 17 years older than me it has never been a problem. He also has a 14 year old son. On sunday even ing he announced in a pub ...
A. 19 June 2007: When he told you it was over it gave you the jolt you needed to sit up and re-evaluate things. Only then could you see things from another perspective but at least you've been honest enough to own up to it, a quality that is NOT easy to find these ... (read in full...)
She said not to get my hopes up b/c she just recently split w/ someone - how should I take this?
Q. Hi. I recently met this girl in a club, she was all over me. This is the time I only ever ask girls for their numbers. Anyway I asked her for her number, and she said you're messing. I did want her number so after convincing her I wasn't lying I...
A. 18 June 2007: From what she's text you, ie "she recently had a boyfriend and it didn't work out so she said she doesn't want me to get my hopes up" indicates just that! Wait to see if she turns up tomorrow, if she didn't like you enough to go out with then she ... (read in full...)
After pouring out my feelings to her over email, she said I was sweet. Can we be more than friends someday?
Q. Hi, I met up with a girl 2 weeks ago at a race meeting, i think we clicked, we seemed to flirt and stuff but nothing happened that night. The following day someone told me i should tell her how i feel but i didnt feel confident enough to do so....
A. 18 June 2007: She sounds flattered with your compliments. How old is she? Is she older than you? If she's not emailing you back then that speaks volumes, don't you think? Email or text her one more time and as her out for a drink or similar. If she doesn't ... (read in full...)
Met a guy at a party, we text each other all the time but he has a girlfriend. What should I do?
Q. I've been talking to one of my friends a lot more. We spend a lot of time together and he's recently has been helping me out to deal with my ex problems. Well, anyways...a while back when we weren't talking as much we were at a party. In that ...
A. 18 June 2007: If he has feelings for you and wants to be with you then he should show you by his actions and DUMP the girlfriend. Let him know you like him by all means but things would not go any further between you until the girlfriend was the ex girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
How do you know if/when it is right to get back together? Or is it natural to feel the need of wanting him back?
Q. Hi I was dumped 3 or 4 weeks ago, I sort of agreed with my ex's decision - from my point of view I needed some space and I wasn't totally happy anyway. Now I feel some sense of wanting to get back together. I think compatability was good bet...
A. 18 June 2007: TIME is the answer here. To get back together then both of you must want that. She was the one who initiated the break up so the ball's in her court to mend things. I wouldn't call, text or email her unless she does it first otherwise it will ... (read in full...)
What must I do? Is he trying to give me a message or can it be something else?
Q. I have met a guy awhile back (+-3years) we used to work together but there was no magic between us we were just co-workers. So I have found a new job. And every now and then we meet at some or another place then we just have eye contact and smile at ...
A. 18 June 2007: I would wait until the next time you see him. Instead of giving each other eye contact, go up to him and say hi. Start a conversation with him and get to know him that way. You'll be able to tell by his body language and his mannerisms whether or ... (read in full...)
I separated from my husband because I didn't feel attracted to him anymore. Now I'm with someone else who's great at times but sometimes shows no respect to me. What should I do?
Q. I am currently separated from my husband because I do not feel attracted to him anymore. He's a kind person, but I feel I have outgrown him in many ways, though I still love him, but more like a companion, than a husband/lover. We didn't have any ...
A. 18 June 2007: Listen carefully, it takes TWO people to make a succesful marriage. This man you're with now will never change, you know that don't you? Okay, he's passionate and the sex is great right? You find your husband boring? Why don't you try and spice ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend moved in with me... but now I feel claustrophobic in my own home! Help!
Q. my boyfriend wanted to move into my house with me before xmas.. i had a few reservations but as we got on well on our holiday over xmas i gave it a go. the problem now is i feel as though my independance has been taken away and i dont feel like its ...
A. 18 June 2007: Ooooh it's difficult when there's kids involved from past relationships isn't it? I know exactly how you're feeling. If I were you I'd tell him you were thinking of moving house so that you can spend more quality time with your girls and how would ... (read in full...)
How do I forgive my friend who ran off with my old bf!
Q. Anger doesn't quite cover it... I was in a relationship for three years and the guy I was with treated me like a pile of rubbish yet I still stuck by him despite how many friends I lost being being out with him is frankly troublesome, dan...
A. 18 June 2007: I think your friend done you a favour don't you? He treated you like a pile of rubbish and physically abused you and you wanted to get back with him??? Your friend is now with him and SHE is the one being abused, looks to me as if she's getting ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me for someone else, how do I get on with my life?
Q. My relationship with my fiance has recently come to an end, a big shock to me but not to him supposedly. He proposed at Christmas, wedding booked for next July. His initial reason for our break up was that he didn't know what he wanted, then it was ...
A. 18 June 2007: No break up is ever easy, especially when it's not you that initiates it. You'll go through a lot of emotions, loneliness, hate, anger, sadness, worthlessness to mention a few but this is all perfectly normal. Tell yourself it's for the best. ... (read in full...)
What do you say to some you love dearly when they have just lost someone close?
Q. What do you say to some you love dearly when they have just lost someone close? I mean recently as in yesterday morning! What am i supposed to do she just lies crying there not saying anything now i know this is normal but what can i do i don't know ...
A. 18 June 2007: A lot of times when someone dies, we don't want to mention the persons name for fear that she'll go to pieces but this isn't the case. Don't be afraid to talk about the person who's died, she'll want to do this and will probably reminisce and tell ... (read in full...)
Both of us are ready for the next step and, I have no idea how. I understand the basic idea of sex but, I don't know how it is done.
Q. Dear Agony Aunts, I'm a 16 year old girl in a committed relationship with my boyfriend of a year and a half (he's 17 and my best friend). Everything is great, he loves me and I love him (and not the typical teenage love where you say I love you...
A. 18 June 2007: There's no right way or wrong way to have sex and it doesn't always hurt. Making love to someone should be spontaneous and natural, not something with a set of rules and regulations attached. Just enjoy being together in each others arms and let ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of losing his friendship forever but I can't be around him while he is with her.
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up just over 3 months ago now. We were together nearly 4 years and before we got together we were best friends for 6 years. It has been the worst 3 months for me and I'm still not over him even a little bit. I loved him so ...
A. 18 June 2007: You have known one another for a very long time so it's only natural he still cares for you. He's been able to move on a lot quicker than you have. I would text him back and say "thanks for asking to meet up with me next week but it doesn't suit ... (read in full...)
does she still like me, I feel like asking her but I dunno if that would put her off me what do I do?
Q. I like this girl, she is 16 I am 17. I met her through a mate when we were out in his car, I felt a strong love for her as soon as I saw her, kind of a love at first site thingie. Asked her if she would go out with me. She answered "I am n...
A. 18 June 2007: If she keeps in touch with you and hangs out with you then I'd say she does like you, as a friend anyway. Maybe she isn't ready for a relationship yet? I'm sure if you asked her if she liked you she'd say yes so I wouldn't bother. Just continue ... (read in full...)
How do I prove I'm sincere guy? I'm scared the thought of being in a relationship will freak her out.
Q. Im 21 one and my friend for just 6 months Joe(exactly 1 year and 1 day younger than me) shes one of the best and closest mates Ive ever had we're very alike in our manourisms which is I feel is reason why Ive got to know and trust her so well which ...
A. 18 June 2007: Both of you have been "lost souls" and have taken refuge in one another. She's helped you with your problems and you've helped her with hers, you've let her see that not all men are like her ex husband and with time she's begun to build up trust ... (read in full...)
I believe my ex is my ex because he has drawn some incorrect conclusions of me from our time apart. Any advice?
Q. I believe my ex is my ex because he has drawn some incorrect conclusions of me from our time apart, when I have had to go away to college and make a new life for myself. Now I am coming back home to go to school and he is freaked out at my ...
A. 17 June 2007: He is freaked out by your decision to split up with him? How long were you and him apart? Did you live together before you left or have you just moved into this apartment recently? Did you both keep in touch regularly while you were gone? How ... (read in full...)
I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. Should I feel sorry for him?
Q. I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. The father of my child cried in "sympathy" of apologies because of his situation he's in which he created and paved the path. He was kicked out of the military for fratanizing, he has to ...
A. 17 June 2007: The best thing you can do is move on with your 18 month old child. He doesn't seem worthy of you and if he's cheating on you then that says it all. You need to do what is best for you and your daughter. He is responsible for his kids so he should ... (read in full...)
I feel he's using me, how can I get him out of my head?
Q. Dear all!!! I'm totally crazy about one guy Ive met sth like 3 months before. although I don't know him very well I think about him almost every day. he lives 250 km away and now even farther since I was obliged to return to my country for a while....
A. 17 June 2007: If you write to him telling him how you feel you WILL sound desperate as I can imagine your letter. You'll be like putty in his hands and he'll know that! He'll also know that he's got you right where he wants and he will call all the shots. So ... (read in full...)
Does my sister like me MORE than a sister should?
Q. So, I want to know if a girl likes me. We get on, and can talk about relationships. she does not seem uncomfortable in me mentioning sex, and has on one occasion watched porn with me and my male friends. Also, she does not seem to be uncomfortable...
A. 17 June 2007: She's just your sister and isn't doing anything out of the ordinary here. I wouldn't worry about it too much. I don't think she fancies you, she just feels very comfortable with you and treats you more like a mate than anything else. You're ... (read in full...)
How can I stop this negative way of thinking, and start enjoying dating again?
Q. I have a problem with starting relationships. I get chatted up and stuff, but I'm just not interested in case I get hurt (again!). How can I stop this negative way of thinking, and start enjoying dating again?...
A. 17 June 2007: YOU are in charge of what happens in any relationship, just remember that. You've been hurt in the past and you have a wall up when chatting to the opposite sex. Just try and relax more, enjoy their company and get to know them as a FRIEND before ... (read in full...)
Break out your telepathic powers and help me out here, what should I do?
Q. Alright, then, I have a question. I know this girl locally; met her originally online. She's nearly four months pregnant, and trying to sort out her relationship with the father, who disappeared for a while when he found out she was pregnant and ...
A. 17 June 2007: With her ex doing the disappearing act on her when he found out she was pregnant, you're probably a breath of fresh air to her. She seems to feel comfortable with you and looks to you as a friend. Does she need to have an alterior motive to be ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to marry my ex best friend's ex husband?
Q. Am I wrong to marry my ex best friend's ex husband? I was her maid of honor in her weddng 12 years ago.I always been a good friend always giving not recieving.but thats ok.We stop takin 2 years ago. One day he asked me out on a friendly date I said ...
A. 17 June 2007: Why did you and your best friend stop talking? Was he still married to your friend when he asked you out? Are they still married now???
Eve... (read in full...)
I married this guy but I'd rather have my unrequited love
Q. Hi everyone, I have a problem. I am currently married for 8 months and I knew my husband for 2 years. Our marriage is just in the pits I don't see our marriage going anywhere. I think the reason may be because I am in love with another man, my first ...
A. 17 June 2007: How long have you felt like this about your ex? When did you start thinking about him as intensely? Before or after you were married? Is your husband a good husband? Does he show you attention and make you feel special? Do you both spend ... (read in full...)
The sex is great so why doesn't he bring up the marriage subject?
Q. i have been with my guy for about six years now and we get along fantasticly. the sex is out of this world but he has not mentioned anything about ever getting married. this would be a second marraige for both of us. maybe you can offer some ...
A. 17 June 2007: Why not drop a hint and tell him you wish he could be with you always? You could even suggest you move in together or buy some place together, see what reaction you get from him.
Maybe he thinks you're quite happy with things the way you are ... (read in full...)
I want so much more with him. What should I do?
Q. I have been placed in a confusing situation. I don't know what to do about it and i really can't talk to anyone. I, a little bit more than like this boy Nate. He has a girlfriend though. Everyone tells me he likes me and i'm kind of starting to ...
A. 17 June 2007: It doesn't make you a bad person, you're just a bit naive. Enjoy his company but no holding hands or getting closer until he's dumped his girlfriend. Your conscience is pricking you so listen to it and respect yourself. If he IS keen and he can ... (read in full...)
I feel he's using me, how can I get him out of my head?
Q. Dear all!!! I'm totally crazy about one guy Ive met sth like 3 months before. although I don't know him very well I think about him almost every day. he lives 250 km away and now even farther since I was obliged to return to my country for a while....
A. 17 June 2007: You are much keener on him than he is on you. If, after sleeping with him he makes you feel dirty then refrain from just jumping into bed with him next time you meet. Have respect for yourself and don't give your body to men easily. You say he ... (read in full...)
I have an atypical male problem... I want the perfect mate
Q. I have a typical male problem in that i want to commit to my girl but only if a list of criterias are met... like "she doesn't control me, she is not too clingy, possessive, is tolerant of my mistakes when i am careless about her, gives me my own ...
A. 17 June 2007: Any relationship you have will fail if your "list" has too many expectations. I suggest you make another list of what YOU (as the near perfect man) are willing to offer this perfect woman you so desire then see if you can live up to that list.
... (read in full...)
Dear Cupid - My profile says I'm female but I'm actually male
Q. I am talking to the administrator! sorry, but I couldn't find any way to contact, but as I believe you read questions, before uploading, i mention my problem here. ( So this is not a question to be posted) My problem is about my profile. I am an...
A. 17 June 2007: I have passed your letter on to Andrew the site Manager (aka DearCupid) and he will alter your profile for you okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
Am I a fool for hoping? What is the best way to regain his trust?
Q. I am posting again as I am still not doing so well. Thank you for your patience! The man I was seeing was fed up with the way I treated him and told me that he got out of my 'era'. Then he tells me that he wants to be a friend. Then I sho...
A. 16 June 2007: I don't know the full story here I'm afraid. "Don't betray me too much????" Hmmmm, give me the link to fill me in okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend's mother died today.... how do I comfort him?
Q. I left a message on here yesterday about my ex boyfriend leaving me a message about his mother dying. Well tonight he has just informed me that she died at dinnertime. What can i do now to comfort him?...
A. 16 June 2007: I'm so sorry to hear she died. I remember your last post, in fact I think I gave you advice on it. Let him know you're there for him and let him know how sorry you are to hear such bad news. If there is anything you can do for him or the family ... (read in full...)
Should I let my daughter get to know this man better?
Q. My daughter is a very mature 17 year old who has been homeschooled, just finished her first year at college. She is becoming good friends with a 26 year old man at church who is interested in her and would like to date her. They are both devoted ...
A. 16 June 2007: If this man is in your church then I take it you know a bit about him? Is he wholesome and of good character? If the answer to these 2 questions are yes then I don't see any reason why your daughter shouldn't get to befriend him and get to know ... (read in full...)
27 and about to get married but I've fallen for a 40 year old woman! What can I do?
Q. Hep, I am 27 years old I am about to get married but six months ago I started a new job, I love my job but have fallen for a 40 year old married woman who has two daughters 20 and 21 years old,she is so caring and looks great for her age, she care...
A. 16 June 2007: First of all you need to stop emailing her. She is MARRIED and you are about to get married. She's probably flattered by the attention but if you keep this up you'll be opening up a BIG can of worms. You could lose your job over it, be humiliated ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for my best friend... she's having a rough time with her current boyfriend! What shall I do?
Q. I have too many feeling for my friends wife... And I confessed these to her. She said she has similar feelings but she has to focus on her current relationship. Right now she is trying to work on a divorce, and I feel like a little of it is my ...
A. 16 June 2007: In both your letter to this site and your email to this woman you talk about emotions, feelings and your heart! Not once in the email or your letter do you mention the feelings for her husband, YOUR FRIEND! Where is your "heart" there? Put ... (read in full...)
I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. Should I feel sorry for him?
Q. I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. The father of my child cried in "sympathy" of apologies because of his situation he's in which he created and paved the path. He was kicked out of the military for fratanizing, he has to ...
A. 16 June 2007: Why are you looking after his 2 kids from his previous marriage? Have they always lived with you both? How long were you and your ex together? How old are his other 2 kids and how old is your daughter?
Eve... (read in full...)
I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. Should I feel sorry for him?
Q. I never heard a grown man cry like how I did last night. The father of my child cried in "sympathy" of apologies because of his situation he's in which he created and paved the path. He was kicked out of the military for fratanizing, he has to ...
A. 16 June 2007: Sympathy costs nothing! We all make mistakes in our lives. Without knowing more about the situation I can only say there's nothing wrong in feeling sorry for him and telling him you're sorry to hear what happened. Try to help him keep his spirits ... (read in full...)
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