A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HiI was dumped 3 or 4 weeks ago, I sort of agreed with my ex's decision - from my point of view I needed some space and I wasn't totally happy anyway.Now I feel some sense of wanting to get back together. I think compatability was good between us and we love(d) each other, but think we'd fallen out of love with each other.I know from past experience etc etc that when you split up there's often an urge to get back together, you miss the things you loved etc etc. This time this urge seems a bit stronger than previous relationship break ups. Maybe because this time I got dumped I don't know..I'm trying to work on my issues with the relationship that affected our time together/forced the break up. They seem to be recurring themes throughout all my relationships. A fear of commitment, an unrealistic want to have the perfect girlfriend/relationship, jealousy, lack of self confidence etc. Although I am perfect in other ways! ;-)My queestion is how do you know if/when it is right to get back together, as opposed to a "superficial" feeling of wanting to get something back that you've lost. How do you distinguish between the two? Can you? Or maybe you should never go back full stop.I know I'm currently hurting and I'm finding things difficult. I don't know totally what she's feeling, though she is hurting too, she still loves me deep down I'm sure, and she is more keen (or appears to be more keen) to draw a line and move on without me. Since we broke up, we've exchanged a couple of emails, prompted by her. It's been mostly light hearted, but we've both said we are hurting.Thanks for any advice. By the way, I'm 32.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 June 2007):
 TIME is the answer here. To get back together then both of you must want that. She was the one who initiated the break up so the ball's in her court to mend things. I wouldn't call, text or email her unless she does it first otherwise it will look as if you're just "annoying" her. Be patient and stand your ground here. With time she might realise she made a big mistake and miss you more than she ever thought possible. On the other hand, with time she might realise that you're not always in her thoughts, hence knowing breaking up with you was the right thing to do.
The only way you know for sure when/IF it is the right time to get back together would be if she constantly kept in touch with you and met up with you on occasions as if nothing had happened. Yes, for now you may have lost her and it's dented your pride to some extent as she was the one who ended things and maybe you'd like to get back together out of pride to make you feel better within yourself?
Think carefully about what you want in life. Was she REALLY the one for you? Was your relationship perfect in every way? Could you imagine living with her into old age? Are there other things you'd love to do in your life that being with her stopped you from doing? Find yourself!
http://www.wikihow.com/Find-Yourself
See where YOU want to go in life and follow those dreams. It may be with her, it may not but at least you'll know yourself better and go on to achieve better things.
Eve
A
female
reader, bumbelina +, writes (18 June 2007):
Hi I think to be honest you need to give yourself some more to realise if this is just the usual urge to get back togeher after you've split or whether you really think that she could both give it another shot.
I have also split from my boyfriend about 3/4 weeks ago and somedays I think that we are so perfect together and I would do anything for us to get back together. However there are other days when I realsie that whilst I love him and am partly still in love with him, we didn't make each other happy and we have to move on.
My ex and I have decided now not to have any contact with each other for at least 3 months to try and get over the worst of it and to be honest that is what I would suggest you need.
I hope it all works out for you x
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