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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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My gf is so spoiled by her Mom--will she ever change?
Q. My girlfriend is very spoilt, i've only just come to realise. She gets 'everything' done for her by her mother, such as breakfast in bed every morning and college work on occasion. She also gets a ton of gifts and stuff from her mum and her room ...
A. 15 May 2007: You've been together almost a year and a half so you should be able to talk to her about this but do it as a game, that way it won't come across as being blunt. Ask her to tell you 3 things she likes about you, then of course you tell her 3 things ... (read in full...)
I travelled a good distance to surprise her but she wouldn't see me as she was going for coffee with a male colleague...
Q. What should i do? im soo confused. ive known this girl for 3 and a half months and things have developed quickly. i really really like her maybe even love her. In the space of time we've known each other we've been together once and within a week w...
A. 13 May 2007: It's entirely your call Baffledd. If you think she deserves another chance and that you can handle the possibility of her doing similar to you then by all means, go for it. YOU are in control of your own mind here. But let her know she really ... (read in full...)
I've been thinking of moving in to my own flat and leaving my boyfriend.
Q. I am very fond of my boyfriend and care for him a lot. We have been living together 3 yrs and my feelings for him have always been the same. I have been on my own for most of my adult life and am ok being single. I am a loner and enjoy my own ...
A. 12 May 2007: Sometimes when we're with someone things become "comfortable" and I think this is what's happening with you. You like your boyfriend and you're fond of him but you're maybe not in love with him. You may feel things have become a bit stagnant and ... (read in full...)
He's married and I like him alot! I am down because I know we'll never date...what should I do about my feelings?
Q. I have very strong feelings for a married man(38) with 3 children. I think about him all day, everyday. I work with him through a charity organisation so am in touch with him now and again and am always trying to think of reasons to contact him. I ...
A. 11 May 2007: What do you do? Absolutely nothing! HE IS TAKEN! You are free and single just now, would you really want all the hassle and baggage that being with him would entail? Would you want to shatter his wife's and his children's lives this way? Put ... (read in full...)
My gf is so spoiled by her Mom--will she ever change?
Q. My girlfriend is very spoilt, i've only just come to realise. She gets 'everything' done for her by her mother, such as breakfast in bed every morning and college work on occasion. She also gets a ton of gifts and stuff from her mum and her room ...
A. 11 May 2007: How old is your girlfriend? Is she an only child? How long have you both been together?
Eve... (read in full...)
In my culture, a woman must surrender to her man's libido when married. This is not my view-but can a woman's desire for a man mean fidelity in a marriage?
Q. I am born in asian culture and sex is a highly debatable issue when it comes to male-female relationships here. Typically, a woman is not supposed to have any desires of her own and have to surrender to her man's libido when married. She is to be ...
A. 11 May 2007: A lot of people today jump into marriage too quickly. Some don't even bother to marry but prefer to live together. Men and women BOTH have their needs but if they marry then they should know one another inside out. When a couple marry then the ... (read in full...)
I thought I loved him. I'm not physically attracted to him What should I do?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend nearly 3 months now and i really thought i loved him. However im not so sure. I knw it seems shallow but im not really physically attracted to him. I have been wondering if i can do better. My mum is always saying my...
A. 11 May 2007: You don't miss him, you miss the affection. The reason we go into a relationship with another is to see if we're compatible. You and him obviously are NOT compatible. You don't feel physically attracted to him and he doesn't respect you the way ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on this guy but he is 8+ years older than me!
Q. Hey, im a member of a sports club that i go to every day, theres a guy who works in the shop there that i like so much, the only problem is im 16, hes 24+. I talk to him everyday and it sort of seems to me that theres playful flirty banter between ...
A. 10 May 2007: Don't let his age put you off. You seem to have a mature enough head on your shoulders, just be confident, assertive and ask him if he fancies hanging out one weekend, see what he says. It sounds to me as if he's been asking his friends to find ... (read in full...)
He saw another woman. Was it innocent as he says?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is a lot older than me, I'm 21 and he is nearly 40. In all my relationships (which isn't many) I've always had a big problem with trust and worrying about my boyfriend and them liking othe...
A. 10 May 2007: I think she's just leaning on him a bit, for her AND her son. She obviously knows he's in a relationship with you though and she's back off somewhat. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT!!!
Just keep vigilant, watch, listen and carry on with your life together... (read in full...)
He saw another woman. Was it innocent as he says?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is a lot older than me, I'm 21 and he is nearly 40. In all my relationships (which isn't many) I've always had a big problem with trust and worrying about my boyfriend and them liking othe...
A. 10 May 2007: You said he hasn't been in touch with her for 2 years now so I would give him the benefit of the doubt here. It could well be that you are just being overly sensitive. If he's a generally friendly person then he would have spoken to her son on ... (read in full...)
I travelled a good distance to surprise her but she wouldn't see me as she was going for coffee with a male colleague...
Q. What should i do? im soo confused. ive known this girl for 3 and a half months and things have developed quickly. i really really like her maybe even love her. In the space of time we've known each other we've been together once and within a week w...
A. 10 May 2007: YOU NEED TO MOVE ON... You CAN move on but maybe you don't really want to, hoping that all this will come right again and she'll get in touch declaring her undying love for you (or similar). Remember always, YOU have a mind, your feelings come from ... (read in full...)
He won't leave his wife for me! How do I break free of this affair?
Q. hi i need some advice im having an affair have been for 15 months my hubby new some thing was up so packed his bags and left the man im having afaire is also with his wife she suspects too but thay r still together he says he wants to be with me and ...
A. 10 May 2007: I think your hubby has more "balls" than this guy you're having the affair with. He's too much of a coward to leave the wife and go through all the hassle Irish mentioned below. If he truly loved you he could still see his kids! That's his ... (read in full...)
Why am I getting these mixed signals from him?
Q. One day he, we'll call him K, tells me I'm beautiful. A few evenings later K tells me he was sad when he found out I was engaged...followed quickly by "I shouldn't have told you that." I've been having problems with my fiance, let's call him M...
A. 10 May 2007: K fancies the pants off you but is the perfect gentleman. He doesn't want to be a home wrecker as he says. He won't intervene or try to muscle his way in as long as you're with your boyfriend which I think is really commendable. After all he COULD ... (read in full...)
Why does he never text or email me when I'm away and only calls for 5 minutes?
Q. Hi all, I am a female of 21 yrs old and since october I have being doing an Erasmus exchange so I currently live in France. I return back to the UK in 5 weeks. I left behind in England my boyfriend of 20 months. He is brilliant to me when I have g...
A. 10 May 2007: He sounds as if he finds it difficult communicating in ways apart from face to face. A lot of people have this problem. He may also be finding things tight money wise, hence his short phone calls. I'm sure he does really love you and will be ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's best mate is coming on to me really strongly, what should I do???
Q. I seem to have gotten myself into an awkward situation, I've been going out with this awesome guy for 5 mnths. His best mate is also seeing my best mate and they've been seeing each other for about a year. anyway we were all walking home together ...
A. 10 May 2007: I would keep this from your boyfriend for now due to the circumstances with his father but I WOULD tell your friend. Keep his texts to prove you're not making all this up then leave THEM to sort it out! Ensure your friend that you have not been ... (read in full...)
Was his his dry humour or emotional abuse?
Q. Dry humour or emotional abuse? I am thinking that I possibly misunderstood my ex, but I would appreciate your advice. I would like to say that I am a very sensitive soul that tends to take things to heart. My ex always told me not to take an...
A. 10 May 2007: Your ex seems quite immature. I think this dry humour of his is a wall he is putting up to hide HIS insecurities. I really don't think it was emotional abuse, I don't think it was intentional, he's just got so used to doing this and has also been ... (read in full...)
How can I get to the bottom of all that he's telling me? It's difficult as he lives in another state!
Q. The man I am very much in love with lives in another state and we talk four or five times a day, unless he is with a woman that is 15 years younger than him and lives near him. We have been seeing each other and talking back and forth for the last 7 ...
A. 10 May 2007: Who is this woman that is 15 years younger than him? What part does she play in his life? Is she a friend? An ex? A current girlfriend? What??? How did you manage to talk with her? Does he know you both talk??? Does SHE know who you are???
... (read in full...)
Why is he so cold to me now?
Q. I am a girl of 16 and have been having problems... Recently me and this boy who is 20 kissed and stuff and now he is all cold with me What should I do?...
A. 10 May 2007: You kissed "and stuff". What was the STUFF that happened? If you let him touch you or more then he just used you, got what he wanted and now doesn't want to know! Learn from it and don't be so easy next time. Sorry to be so blunt but these are ... (read in full...)
I don't know whether I should put all my trust and respect toward him because I might end up heart broken
Q. I'm 15. And I'm in a relationship with this boy for the second time. I don't know whether I should put all my trust and respect toward him because I might end up heart broken. What Should I Do? Am I Being A Little Insecure?...
A. 10 May 2007: If I were you I would just enjoy being with him for the moment. Take things very slowly with him and get to know him much better. Don't sleep with him as long as you're feeling this way,(you're also still under the age of consent anyway so it's ... (read in full...)
I travelled a good distance to surprise her but she wouldn't see me as she was going for coffee with a male colleague...
Q. What should i do? im soo confused. ive known this girl for 3 and a half months and things have developed quickly. i really really like her maybe even love her. In the space of time we've known each other we've been together once and within a week w...
A. 10 May 2007: She doesn't want to be with you I'm afraid, she just didn't know how to let you down gently. Her texting you later and apologising was just to free her of her guilt! If she had any feelings for you whatsoever she would have MADE time to be with ... (read in full...)
My husband is controlling and abusive, does he love me?
Q. My husband is controlling , physically and emotionally abusive with me. He is only like this when we are fighting. He acts like he doesn't care about my feeling and doesn't care when I cry. He goes around acting like he doesn't care for me. Can you ...
A. 7 May 2007: How long have you been married? Are there any children involved? Is drink involved at all? Do you or your husband hold down a job? Has he every physically hurt you before? Are you frightened of him?
Get back to me with the answers to my quest... (read in full...)
I lied about myself in my profile, should I tell him?
Q. ok i met this guy on this website and we started chatting on MSN every day. However, at first it started off as a joke when i set up my profile so i lied about my name and used a different photo but everything else i said was true, just my name and ...
A. 7 May 2007: Yes, I agree with Mitch here, you need to come clean with him. Let him know you have a confession to make. Tell him that the personality really IS you but the name and the picture are different. First thing he'll want is to see what you really ... (read in full...)
What's the chance of this actually succeeding and, if not, how long can such relationships last?
Q. This one is long, but my ultimate question after I have described the following relationship is, what's the chance of this actually succeeding and, if not, how longcan such relationships last? I have a 22 y/o guy friend who has been in a long-d...
A. 7 May 2007: I can understand you being concerned for your friend but if I'm being totally honest I don't think this relationship will go anywhere. Both of them are too possessive and there's not enough give and take on either side, there's also a lack of trust ... (read in full...)
He told me things he doesn't love about my character and I just feel so much pressure to change myself!
Q. I have the feeling, I'm fighting for my boyfriends love all the time, but he can just sit there and be lucky, he is loved... Is this normal that a women has to do this? It was me doing the first step, asking him if he wants to be my boyfrien...
A. 7 May 2007: Successful relationships need to be worked at from BOTH sides! This guy is taking you for granted and is being very insensitive to your feelings. Make him want you more. To do that you have to NOT call him as often, let him chase you! When ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if he's "Mr Right?"
Q. Beeing togehter with my boyfriend 2 years and 5 month, how can I find out, if he is Mr.Right or not?...
A. 7 May 2007: If he is DEFINITELY Mr Right then you respect them for who they are, warts and all. You want to look after them and protect them, you look out for them and put them first. You feel happy and content in their company and enjoy being together. Above ... (read in full...)
How can I win her back?
Q. I'm 19 and have an ex gf who i absolutely adore, the thing is, she's with another guy and treats me like crap. I can't stand it and i really need her back. I finished her but i didn't think of the consequences, how can i win her back?...
A. 7 May 2007: WHY do you really need her back if she treats you like crap? Have more respect for yourself and move on. Maybe if she sees it isn't bothering you then the challenge will be there for her again to chase you!
Eve... (read in full...)
How can I PROVE to my partner that I really do love her and am not "a fake?"
Q. how could i make the one who i love know that my love is true ? because she feels that i am a fake lover...
A. 7 May 2007: Put yourself out for her, spend time with her and most of all LISTEN to her when she has something on her mind and wants to talk. Women love to talk so if she is quiet then ask her if there is anything wrong. Let her see you are interested and want ... (read in full...)
Why has this guy suddenly stopped talking to me?
Q. Well I am 15 years old and for a couple of months I was talking to this guy who is 17 years old. Well me and him would talk daily for hours. That changed after some time. Then for a couple of weeks he would just call randomly like at 2 in the morn...
A. 6 May 2007: The bottom line is, someone better has come along (in his eyes). You never know he may be talking to girls that will cam for him or boost his ego more than you were doing. Don't worry about it, he's shallow and doesn't deserve your friendship. If ... (read in full...)
i've got a bit of a dilemma because I have fallen for a guy who is older than me by 7 years, married and who has a kid
Q. Hi, i've got a bit of a dilemma because I have fallen for a guy who is older than me by 7 years, married and who has a kid. We both really like each other but I don't know whether to take this relationship further. We haven't actually done anything ...
A. 6 May 2007: Simply tell him that although you like him, you think it would be best if you didn't talk to one another any more. You are NOT a marriage wrecker and couldn't forgive yourself if you broke up an innocent family. At least that way you show you have ... (read in full...)
My feelings for my ex are affecting my future relationships. How do I get him out of my head?
Q. I've met a new guy, we're not going out yet but we pretty much act like a couple and I really like him. However I have a problem in that every so often when I'm with him I really start to miss my ex. We broke up in October and we still get on pretty ...
A. 6 May 2007: You need to ask yourself... "why did we break up in the first place?" Then write down all the things you argued about and disagreed over. What really pissed you off about him? Write down his good points then his bad points. You two split up for ... (read in full...)
I told my bf he could take my virginity but now I'm scared! Help!
Q. Im only 14 And im still a virgin. i told my boyfriend he could take my virginity but now im a little scared to let him take after all i am only 14. i really do like him and wuld do anything for him and i do want him to take my virginity but im not ...
A. 6 May 2007: This is NOT a good idea. Listen to your inner voice. It's telling you NO NO NO!!!! Like you rightly said you're NOT of the age to be engaging in sexual intercourse just now. Leave it until you know for sure. If you don't I guarantee you'll ... (read in full...)
Should I give him 'head' and would doing this make me his official gf?
Q. My Boyfriend recently asked me to let him "smash" (have sex). i told him yes. and he started to get more into it. I havent let him yet but i am going too. He asked me the other day if i "sucked dick" and i told him no he asked me would i do it for ...
A. 6 May 2007: If you want my honest opinion here I would say you'd be absolutely nuts to do this. You are very young, not even the consential age to have sex. Boys tell you what you want to hear... don't let him fool you, he's using you for his own self ... (read in full...)
Open relationships- Do they ever work??
Q. open relationships; many believe they are pointless as they believe if you want to have sex with someone else, then the person you are with is not the one for you. however, i recently read that about 1% of hetrosexual marriages have one person them ...
A. 6 May 2007: "Open Relationships" or Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not ... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious! He says he loves me then he says he can't stand being with me and wants to move out. Is this a cover to see this other woman?
Q. ok - my partner says he is fed up of my jealousy and suspicious mind and needs time to think about what he wants now.He says he is fed up of me checking up on him all the time (which I don't- but I do try to ring him occasionally when he is out - ...
A. 6 May 2007: If this relationship falls through and you have bought a house together then YOU are entitled to half of the money from that house so don't let him bully you into thinking anything less. Stand up for yourself with him. Why don't you call his bluff ... (read in full...)
What do I do about being in love with an older boy??
Q. I'm in love with a 19 year old and im 14. I've told my mam and she didnt seem to botherd, me and him arent going out. I think he knows hes too old for me and he doesnt know what to do i love him so much. I dont think age should matter if your in ...
A. 6 May 2007: You're not in love with him, you don't know him well enough, you only have a crush on him. I suggest you chat to him and find out more about him, see what he's REALLY like. Once you get to know him more you might even find out that he's not "all ... (read in full...)
Everytime we are together and that other guy calls her or messages her, she feels obligated to call him back. What should I do?
Q. Last night my gf broke up with me. Our relationship lasted about 5 years, we had our good and bad times. About 4 months ago, she started talking to another guy and long story short ended up cheating on me. I found this out recently about 3 weeks ...
A. 6 May 2007: Why did she break up with you? Did you both have a big argument about this other guy? You need to let he know that you feel very uncomfortable with this situation. Ask her how SHE would feel if the shoe were on the other foot! I bet she wouldn't ... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious! He says he loves me then he says he can't stand being with me and wants to move out. Is this a cover to see this other woman?
Q. ok - my partner says he is fed up of my jealousy and suspicious mind and needs time to think about what he wants now.He says he is fed up of me checking up on him all the time (which I don't- but I do try to ring him occasionally when he is out - ...
A. 6 May 2007: Hmmmm it is very possible that he's cheating on you again, especially if you seen earrings in his toilet bag. So who's earrings were they? Did he say? No wonder you're feeling insecure.
If I were you, the next time he goes for a drive then fol... (read in full...)
I'm suspicious! He says he loves me then he says he can't stand being with me and wants to move out. Is this a cover to see this other woman?
Q. ok - my partner says he is fed up of my jealousy and suspicious mind and needs time to think about what he wants now.He says he is fed up of me checking up on him all the time (which I don't- but I do try to ring him occasionally when he is out - ...
A. 6 May 2007: Hmmmm it is very possible that he's cheating on you again, especially if you seen earrings in his toilet bag. So who's earrings were they? Did he say? No wonder you're feeling insecure.
If I were you, the next time he goes for a drive then fol... (read in full...)
Married 5 years and the sex is a problem...He ejaculates too quickly still, is this something other people have experienced ?
Q. I've been married five years, and our sex life has problems. I worked in Europe for about 9 months and got back just before the wedding. From that time until now, my husband has had some sort of problem with ejaculating too quickly (like, under a ...
A. 2 May 2007: http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/0622.html?prevNext=prev
Eve... (read in full...)
She lost a close family member last week and seems to be inconsolable. How can I help her through this?
Q. Ok me and my best friend are very close, we are always together and tell each other everything. She lost a close family member about a week ago and shes just the worst i've ever seen her. Although she doesn't really cry a lot, she holds it in and ...
A. 2 May 2007: Your friend is grieving and trying to come to terms with what happened. All you can do is be there for her. Try and talk to her out of school, tell her you can't imagine what she's going through but you are there to listen if she wants to talk. ... (read in full...)
How can I help him get over his insecurities and be proud of the person he is?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been having some problems lately due to his insecurities. I think he had a pretty bad relationship in the past, but he will not open up and talk about it. Everytime I ask how he feels or what is wrong, he just gets in a bad ...
A. 2 May 2007: Something has happened in your boyfriend's past that he's having a hard time dealing with. This has left him with no confidence or self esteem which is why he keeps downing himself all the time. Thing is, the more you ask him what the matter is, ... (read in full...)
I get subjected to social pressure to sleep with women, but I don't want it this way. How do I get this message across to the women I date?
Q. For most of the childhood and as an adult, i have been craving for affection from women, as i did not get it from my emotionally closed mother. As a result, i have groomed my personality to be one that is attractive to women. In the process, i get ...
A. 2 May 2007: In what ways have you groomed your personality? Do you mean that you are telling women what they WANT to hear? You are in your 30's now so you should be confident enough to be able to say no to any pressure put upon you to sleep with a woman. YOU ... (read in full...)
We broke up, he had debt problems and he left town. Now he's back. Should I contact him?
Q. hi i will try to keep this short! basically after 4years together my ex decide he wasn't in love with me and broke up then moved away. his mother told me the fact he was in debt was a major factor. for a while things after the breakup were messy ...
A. 2 May 2007: Being in debt brings its own problems. He was probably under a lot of stress at the time which could have been one of the contributing factors to your break up. You obviously still have feelings for him so yes, I would email him. Keep it light, ... (read in full...)
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