A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend wanted to move into my house with me before xmas.. i had a few reservations but as we got on well on our holiday over xmas i gave it a go. the problem now is i feel as though my independance has been taken away and i dont feel like its my home anymore, his sons stay every other wkend and i have my daughters on a fri, i am buying another house but dont want my boyfriend to live there with me and my daughters (the reason im moving to another area is so i can have my two teenage daughters living with me again as they have lived with their dad for the past 16 mths as their friends live near and i didnt want to take them away from their friends)i love my boyfriend still and dont want to loose him but i dont think i can live with him, when its just the two of us together its great, when his boys stay there is always a tention as i dont get on so well with the youngest boy as he is his dads favorite, i get on very well with the elder son its just thet i cant get out of this rut concerning his son, he gets on with my daughters and they like him and yes he does slate my youngest now and again but i dont get all defensive like he does, my girls are older and not as dependent on me as his sons (son) are with him, am i being so unreasonable not to want to live together, i want things to be like they use to be before we moved in together, i suggest he take his boyz out for a day on his own and he thinks im having a go, im not... i know his boys want to be with their dad im just trying to accomadate that, why should i feel its me who is in the wrong all the time, i didnt want anymore children, especially not boys.. im noy cut out to deal with boyz as ive always been with my girls and im passed all the high energy they have and mess they make, so confussed... help
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 It sounds like you enjoy his company but do not want a future with him. Moving in together will ALWAYS mean compremise. If that is not something you want, then I suggest that you continue with your plans to buy the home, and let him know that he better start finding a new place to live.
When people move in together it is ALWAYS a better idea to move into a new space together. Moving into an existing space will always cause disturbances.
That being said, I think you should not be dating him at all. He seems to care more for you than you do for him.
You still see it as "your" home, and not "yours and his" home.
-FBK
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (18 June 2007):
 Ooooh it's difficult when there's kids involved from past relationships isn't it? I know exactly how you're feeling. If I were you I'd tell him you were thinking of moving house so that you can spend more quality time with your girls and how would he feel about it. Tell him as tactfully as possible that the house will be too crowded for 6 people and that you think it would be best if, for now, you moved in alone with them. That sounds better than saying "you'll need to find somewhere else to live". Follow up quickly by saying you don't want him getting the wrong idea, you love him to bits and it doesn't change how you feel about him, you just want to live with the girls for a little while before they fly the nest.
That way you're being tactful rather than spelling out you can't stand his son! lol How long have you and your boyfriend been seeing one another and how old are your daughters and his sons?
Eve
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