A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, about 4 months ago my sister split up with her boyfriend of 4 years. He is a lovely person, and my whole family love him and are still in contact with him, however, I have fallen in love with him, and he feels the same way about me. Since they started going through a rough patch, we began to talk a lot more, and got much closer. I went to visit him (he lives about 100miles from me) about 6 weeks after they broke up and we started kissing, and it was amazing. We talked about it and realised that we both love each other, but it is not the right time in our lives, he had only just ended a long relationship, and I am at university for another 3 years, although I still couldnt stop thinking about him, and we still talk every couple of nights. After making this decision, he came to visit me about 2 months later, and again, even though we knew it was wrong, we kissed and also slept together. Now I dont know whether to try my hardest to get over him, or to keep our relationship going in secret. I dont know how my sister would react if she knew, and I certainly wont be telling her for a while. I also dont know if I am just dreaming and will this relationship ever work?
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female
reader, hello1 +, writes (8 March 2008):
 Okay so your backing off, that's the right thing to do. female reader, anonymous your a total cow for what your doing to your sister, how would you feel if she slept with your ex bf who you still had feelings for? Blood is thicker than water and it always will be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate...Hi (I am the person who originally asked the question), thank you to the last person who answered, it seems like we are in very similar situations. In answer to your questions I am 20, my sister is 25 and her ex is 24. I am extremely close to my sister, as with the rest of my family, they are the most important thing t me in the world, however you are right in saying you cant help who you fall in love with. I dont think I feel like I have betrayed her, because it still feels so surreal, although when I see her I do really regret letting myself get carried away, also it was her fault they broke up, because of an affair.In the last couple of weeks I have decided to talk to him less, its about twice a week now, and I'm finding it easier to not think about him all the time. I have decided that at the moment the best thing to do is try and get over him, which I now think is more of a possibility. I know we will always be friends and if something happens later on, when the time is right, we'll know its fr the right reasons. Although I still think it will be difficult when I next see him (I might leave it a couple of months) to not flirt or let anything happen.I hope you have a fantastic time travelling with your guy, and really think about what is the best thing to do, so you dont end up regretting anything. Good luck, would be great to hear from you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): Being in pretty much the exact same situation i understand how you feel.....im having the same dilemma right now.what a releif to find someone in the same situation. it's much easier said than done to just forget about how you feel and be loyal to your sister....where do you draw the line between being considerate of those close to you and following your heart? love is worth a lot of risks. my sister and her boyfriend were together for 7 years, ive known him since i was 13...a year ago he told me he's been in love with me for the last 2 years... they just broke up this new years day. we are very close,im crazy about him...we are about to go travelling together for a month next week, i dont know whats going to happen. im scared that if i sleep with him ill feel so guilty ill have to tell my sister, but i dont know if we will manage not to...my sister and family would freak out if they found out.....it all feels really surreal.. and i also wonder if there any point in getting hopes up about how far we can take our relationship, because i dont see how it would be possible....it seems so unfair doesnt it?? how old are you and your sister and are you close? do you feel like you've betrayed her? blood is thicker than water but you cant help who u fall in love with!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 February 2008):
 You have to ask your sister how she feels about him now and if she's at all still interested in him then you should back off big time! What's more important to you... your loyalty/relationship to your sister or your feelings for this guy? "Men come and go but sisters are friends forever". The choice is yours!
~Eve~
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): If you love him take the risk. Your sister should understand your happyness, talk to her, if you have a relationship in secret and she finds out she will be hurt! Tell her the truth. Good Luck x
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A
female
reader, princess*d* +, writes (22 February 2008):
 hiya , You cant help it if you love this man and you told me you have slept with him did you use protection if not great because then it is possible that you are pregnant then you can tell your family who you love and if they shout out you then you will relize they aint the careing family you thought they were if you keep it to yourself to long then they are going to find out by another person then they will be angry with you because you didnt tell them earlyer and they will think you dont trust them,then you can go out with your sister one day clothes shopping maybe then sit down for a coffee and tell her the truth and if she shouts out you just reply back 'well you were the one who finished your relationship with him, you have to move on'
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A
female
reader, princess*d* +, writes (22 February 2008):
hiya , You cant help it if you love this man and you told me you have slept with him did you use protection if not great because then it is possible that you are pregnant then you can tell your family who you love and if they shout out you then you will relize they aint the careing family you thought they were if you keep it to yourself to long then they are going to find out by another person then they will be angry with you because you didnt tell them earlyer and they will think you dont trust them,then you can go out with your sister one day clothes shopping maybe then sit down for a coffee and tell her the truth and if she shouts out you just reply back 'well you were the one who finished your relationship with him, you have to move on'
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (22 February 2008):
What a horrible sister you are. Exs are off limits! that's the way it is, it causes too much trouble and hurt. Your sister hasn't even been apart from her ex for long and now you come barging in. If your sister against this relationship then you should back off, if she's not then go for it but I bet she won't be happy with it. I would NEVER do this to my sisters and I expect the same from them.
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