A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Can anyone give me some advice?I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we do not live together. Over the past year he has become very cagey about his mobile phone - takes it everywhere with him including the bathroom. Last autumn, he left it in the lounge with me on a Saturday night and it buzzed and a strange girl's name came up. I didn't read the message but asked him who she was. He replied that he had met her in a nightclub about 6 months earlier and snogged her but nothing else had happened and she had persistently text him. I stupidly believed him and he agreed to delete her number. A week later he told me that he wanted some space and time apart from me. I was devastated but agreed in the hope he would come back to me. Our time apart lasted for 3 months and wasn't very successful as he saw me every weekend and called me virtually daily although apparently we were no longer "a couple". 10 days ago I decided I had had enough and went to his house to end the relationship, he cried and told me he wanted to be with me and that he loved me and we got back together. However he is now saying that he wants this to be a trial period and is very grumpy and angry with me all the time. On Sunday he left his mobile behind and went out for 10 minutes. In that time I read his phone and found graphic texts to the same girl from last year, there was also a folder of topless photos of her and most worryingly a history of calls and texts about mundane things like work etc so he is confiding in her as well... All texts were from the last week.Help! I love him, but don't know what to do - he doesn't know that I know...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): Listen honey the "Love" you think you feel for him isnt really love its more like a want cause truly you need no one but yourself but if you have a man that cheats....and trust me you kno just as well as i do he was cheating from the get go...you have to let him go and move on. Hope that helps!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): Ha, an engagement rind (maybe I was thinking he is so sleazy he would give you some kind of rind) but what I meant was RING.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): I agree with the last poster, been there done that...he is not a loving person, love isn't just about his "feelings" he has to put some action to it...he has been with you for 5 years, instead of moving closer to committment, he is moving farther away, taking a three month break but calling you every day to make sure you aren't with someone else is a guy who wants his cake and eat it too....he may be struggling with committment and deciding if he wants to marry you, but what you are describing is flat out cheating, and he is cheating with a bimbo cheating kinda gal, so hey let then get on with it they deserve each other, and he doesn't deserve you waiting on the side lines hoping he will get his act together...show him you don't need him and can get on with your life....if he comes back and you feel like taking him back then ask for an engagement rind and a wedding date or he will back slide into the same behavior....he is totally taking you and your relationship for granted and being disrespectful in my opinion.....don't let this slide, put your foot down and ask yourself one question, is he good enough for me?
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (28 February 2008):
 This girl is screwing up his head, he doesn't know what he wants. He's "comfortable" in his relationship with you and although he has a lot of feelings for you, this other woman seems important to him too. My advice to you is to confront him about it and tell him you know what's going on. Give him the opportunity to text her and tell her it's over (and tell him you have her phone number and can call her at any time). Tell him to SHOW you the text that he's sent her to confirm it to you.
Let him know that you think more of yourself and won't play second fiddle to anyone else. If he wants to be with you then great! If he's happy sharing you then sorry, no can do. Stick by what you say and let him sort it out from there. What he's doing isn't fair on you and once the lies and secrecy start, if it's not nipped in the bud right away then the relationship's going down a slippery slope.
I hope it all works out for you.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (28 February 2008):
 HEY!
I think he is being incredibly unfair towards you and i dont think you should put up with it. He is lying about his wearabouts etc. However.. you were on a 'break' which means he hasnt cheated at that point. He has admitted that he kissed another girl, and this isn't being faithful. Babe you deserve so much better!! It is your decsision but there are plenty of men out there who aren't cheaters and will give you plenty of respect.
As for the moodyness.. my boyfriend is moody all the time :) but there are certain times of the week when he is at his worst, but if your boyfriend was never mody to begin with, then this could be a sign he doesn't know who to be with.. Don't let him make a fool of you!!
I hope you are okay, and i wish you all the luck in the world! Feel free to mail me about anything x x
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