A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have a male friend (Mark) who's been very close to us for about 4 years. The 3 of us spend a lot of time together, going to the movies, dinner, weekend trips, etc and my wife and I enjoy his company, respect him and appreciate his friendship. Recently, we had a party/get together. Mark is a good cook and agreed to show-up early to cook for the party. It was a Friday and I got off work late that night. When I got home, he and my wife had the whole party planned and the food cooked, so I was pretty stoked. I didn't have to do anything! : ) Long story short, towards the end of the get together, after some of our friends (not all) had left, Mark said he had to leave because he had to work in the morning. Everyone said their farewells to him and my wife lead him to the door and, at the door, kissed him on the lips and said "thanks for the help, drive safely". Well, as you can imagine, later that evening, some (not all) of my guy friends asked me if I saw her kiss him and if I was okay with that. I laughed at them and said of course I was (to me, it just represented their close friendship). Am I nuts???? Though some of my friends asked me that, most said that they respected our relationship and some even said that I was a good person for not being jealous or insecure. Though I didn't go into details with anyone that night, I'm not jealous or insecure about their friendship. I totally respect it and to be honest, think it's cool. Yes, they are close, they do go to movies and dinner sometimes, but most of the times that they go out alone are times that we we're all supposed to go out together, but something came up with my job and I couldn't. I've seen her kiss him on the lips before and am okay with it. I respect and know that they (and the three of us) are close and respect that too. Please tell me I'm not crazy!
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female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 i completely disagree with hello1 - you are not crazy!! you have found what alot of us spend a lifetime looking for - a loving, secure, trusting relationship. i think its amazing that you guys are so secure and in love with eachother that you are able to share a friendship like that with someone else. alot of ppl enjoy the company of the opposite sex - no sexual attraction or anything present - but are unable to due to a jealous partner. my advice is - dont listen to your friends or other ppl, they dont know what kind of love you share with your partner, and they will never know unless they themselves find it. as long as you know that there is nothing there - then you are fine! i agree with pinksuze - why cant they all be like you and understand that not every friendship is going to lead somewhere?? we do have self control you know?!!! anyway fair play, your not nuts - your great!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2008): A lot of people find it difficult to accept that members of opposite sexes can be buddies without being sexually involved with each other. It's a natural enough assumption that something untoward is going on but it's not always likely or an automatic certainty.
Would your friends have thought you were nuts if Mark was a woman? I have quite a few female good friends who I'd no more think of having a sexual relationship with than I would think of flying to the moon.
I'm with pinksuze and agree with her entirely.
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A
female
reader, pinksuze  +, writes (5 March 2008):
No you are definitely not crazy. You are obviously secure in yourself and in a good stable relationship with somebody you love and trust completely. Good for you! Wish there were more like you out there!!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 As long as the three of you are present,you can control the situation.
But leaving your wife with him alone is not advisable unless it is once in a blue moon.
If you allow them together more often, it becomes more tempting and the situation may get out of hand.
They are only human and they have feelings too.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (5 March 2008):
 It does seem very strange that the 3 of you tend to go about together all the time. Does Mark not have a partner? This may well be innocent but I would certainly keep a close eye out. Does he hold his gaze when he looks at her? Does she seem to talk "fondly" of him more than she should? You may have nothing to worry about here but be vigilant nevertheless.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Yes! yes you are crazy. Where's the jealousy in you? the spark? I don't believe this sounds like a normal situation to be in, your wife may be falling for this Mark, you don't know that do you? it could happen, they spend all that time alone, getting to know each other. They kiss each other on the lips, who knows if they done anything eles. You cannot trust people that much, even freinds. Freinds and family can stab you in the back, don't walk around with your eyes closed.
I'm not saying their having a affair, just that it could lead too that.
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