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I don't understand why my ex is ignoring me?

Tagged as: The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 August 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 August 2012)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

why is my ex ignoring me? :(

me and my ex broke up about 2 and a half months ago, at the time it was because we didn't have the time to see each other enough and had a massive argument about it, but i've since found out he was/ is scared of commitment aswell. i cut him off a couple of weeks later (after 2 weeks of trying to be friends) because I was finding it too hard and felt i needed to do it in order to move on. i told him all of this. he pretty much begged and pleaded me not to do it but i really felt i had to. I never wanted us to break up, i wanted us to work through it.

he texted me 10 days later just asking how i was but i stuck to my guns and said if we really can't be together then I need space from him in order to forget and move on.

After this, he made it pretty obvious he was having a pretty shit time, i got told he was writing depressive statuses about going for walks etc to clear his head, and he got angry at one of his friends for looking after me when i was drunk one night. depressing lyrics, everything.

we didnt see each other for 7 weeks, or speak for 5, and then finally we both ended up at the same gig and saw each other. i was nervous but we waved and said hi whenever we passed each other, and then the third time he came over to me, and very nervously asked if i had a good holiday (id just returned from one- he wouldnt know this though without looking on the facebooks of my friends). it was obvious he was nervous and really wanted to talk to me. i was nice and civil and responded. i saw him later on, from a distance, staring at me.

a week later, i bumped into his friends at a club, they all said how they all told him it was his loss when he decided we should break up. then his best friend gave me a really long talk about how down my ex was that i wouldnt be his friend and how he really still likes me he just cant do the commitment right now and how he knows he's been a dick for breaking up.

I then did something REALLY stupid- i kissed another guy in front of my ex's friends :/ i was quite drunk and this was a guy from my past; it wasnt planned it was a complete spur of the moment mistakebecause id been drinking. i told this guy straight away that it shouldnt have happened.

half an hour later, my ex turned up at the club, we said hi a few times and he spent the whole night staring at me, i dont think he realised how obvious it was. at the end, i felt a bit guilty after the conversation with his friend so spur of the moment i hugged him really tightly. he hugged me back.

after a lot of thinking, a week later, after posting on here and getting told i should make the first move in gettig back in contact because i was the one who cut him off, i text him, using the excuse of asking for one of my cds back. he didnt text back. 3 days later i text him again because i really do want the cd back, its kinda rare, and STILL got no response. to find out if he was annoyed at me i tried adding him back on facebook...he didnt accept. by the next day i was so frustrated, and i know it sounds bad but after the way he'd been acting i just didnt understand so i just text him again asking him what the problem was. straight away then he accepted my friend request and text back saying he'd been busy (too busy to respond to one text?!) and that he'd get my cd back to me when he could and that he hopes im ok.

i then looked on his profile- the day after id text him, he'd done a status saying "you can't cross bridges that you've burned" :/ i KNOW him and i know that was aimed at the situation.

a few days later i was going camping so i just text him letting him know because i didnt know if i'd have signal and i didnt know if he'd try and contact me about returning my cd. he didnt repond at all. that night, he posted about going for a walk.. then i saw he'd liked something that this guy had posted, who had also gone for a walk it seems, and it said "no matter how many miles i walk, i still miss her."

please dont tell me to stop analyzing everything i see on facebook, i know exactly what my ex is like and he wouldnt like these things with no meaning :/

its now been a week, he's been posting about having time off, he doesnt live that far away and he definitely hasnt forgotten about me/ my cd so why hasnt he contacted me about it or returned it? he knows he could just post it through my door if he wanted :(

also why wont he talk to me? I just don't understand :(

be nice in your answers please I really am down about all of this, i really am starting to regret adding him back, he keeps being tagged in a load of pictures and it just makes me sad that he's ignoring me :(we were so close right up until we broke up

View related questions: best friend, broke up, drunk, facebook, move on, my ex, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

the second time i text him i told him i just wanted to talk to him :( i don't know what to do, I can't force him to talk to me, i don't wanna harrass him though :(

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2012):

He’s ignoring you because, remember, you cut the contact in the first place and now he’s doing exactly what you wanted and you’re unhappy about being ignored. Whilst I understand that you’re concerned for him, you might appear to be playing games here, something like having your cake and eating it. He’s clearly upset by the breakup, and whilst it’s unfortunate that he’s choosing to plaster this all over Facebook with deliberately provocative status updates, the worst thing you could do for him is keep texting because you’re not allowing him to move on. Arrange a time when you can pick up this CD of yours, and tell him that you need to cut contact so that you can both move on, then wish him well and stick to no contact. There is, of course, a chance you might bump in to each other, especially if you live nearby and have mutual friends, but there’s a difference between a civil hello, and going out of your way to contact him. You both need to keep the distance and come to terms with the fact that this relationship is over, and, for both your sakes, you shouldn’t give in to any temptation to text him, or reply. Also, is there a way to hide his stories from your Facebook home page? You don’t need to read the statuses he’s posting, they’re intended to make you worried and to contact him, which ultimately won’t help anyone.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Just Gill United Kingdom +, writes (10 August 2012):

Just Gill agony auntFirstly dont beat yourself up with all the thoughts in your head. You seem quite sad by this whole situation your in. From what you have described, in a nut shell...you like him and he likes you, he has commitment issues and you's broke up. He still likes you and you him, but bad timeing? So your stuck in this loop of 'what do i do?'. If you want back with him i suggest you go to his bit (when you know he's there), knock on the door and say 'Hi, i'm here for my fav cd please' and after that you should mention your here also because you miss him...then comes the passion! It's clear from what you were saying about your ex that he really does like you, and he possibly is confused by your actions. Maybe he does'nt realise it was for the best to stop speaking, he maybe didnt understand why you had to do that. So if you dont want to go back with him it's still a good idea to go round and chat with him. Just you and him having a friendly chat and becoming clearer in where you both stand with each other. The kiss with the other guy, your ex's friend no dought told him and he could have been upset over that. Nothing for you to feel guilty over as you were single at that point!

Before you make hast over to his, find out what exactly you want. If it's him, you need to be patient and make him understand that there is only going to be issues with commitment if there is somethinging he doesnt want to do, so he should talk to you about these problems, get abetter understanding of your relationship and where you both stand.

Good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2012):

He is ignoring you because you kissed another guy and he knows you did. The fact is you had every right to kiss someone else, he broke up with you. Your ex cannot have it both ways, he wants you to be waiting for him, but does not want you to move on. When getting in contact with him after the situation, you should not have used the cd as an excuse you should have been brave enough just to contact him to see how he was. By contacting him for the cd, your giving the impression that it's over and that your moving forward without him. I would say that he is feeling hurt because he believes your moving on, and your not just waiting around for him. He may be ignoring you in the hope that it will make you feel as horrible as he is feeling, or he is trying to get to a place where he can move on like he thinks you have. We don't know why he is ignoring you, but playing these games, using excuses to contact him (I understand that you want your cd back, but you could have asked for it after the lines of communication were already open). If I have broken up with someone and they contact me asking for something back of theirs that I have, to me that is a sign that they have decided it is truly over and there no chance of getting them back. It seems you guys are playing too many games here, and while you guys are doing that instead of saying what you need to say to each other, your not going to get back together. I am sorry but that is how I see it. Good Luck, I hope you can work it out.

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