A
female
age
36-40,
*essicaN
writes:My husband is controlling , physically and emotionally abusive with me. He is only like this when we are fighting. He acts like he doesn't care about my feeling and doesn't care when I cry. He goes around acting like he doesn't care for me. Can you tell me if this is normal, if he actually cares, loves me, still has feelings for me like before?Thank You So Much and if there is any advise you can give me I really could use it. Thank You.There's more to the story but it's hard to put down. Thanks!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2007): If you are experiencing physical, emotional, and verbal abuse, it is not love, trust me. I know, because I am married to one, and the only thing they love is the thought of controlling you to make them feel better about themselves. I know you said it is only when you are fighting, well, I am here to tell you, that one day it will esculate, and it is not love. I agree with the counseling, and how you handle the situation is entirely up to you. I am not one to tell people how to live, but I have learned that you offer support and always a friend to talk to, not a judge. It is not my place or anybody's place to judge why a person stays in a relationship such as this, it is just their place to lend a helping hand and a listening ear. When a person controls, or abuses, it is something that is not that easily fixed, and I do hope that you take care of yourself, and you are in my prayers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2007): I understand. I am in a similar situation. I hope it works out. Good luck. Im too scared of being alone to ask for help. I admire you.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 How long have you been married? Are there any children involved? Is drink involved at all? Do you or your husband hold down a job? Has he every physically hurt you before? Are you frightened of him?
Get back to me with the answers to my questions and we'll see if we can sort this out.
Eve
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A
female
reader, becky115115  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 Hey There, Well maybe the usual responce would be that he doesn't love you but I dont think it's the case. Some men just cannot control themselves when it comes to fighting and become very emotional. He may love you very deeply, do you usually have fun together? When your not fighting is everything fine? If so he probably loves you very much. Now, having said that, a man should never lay a finger on you or treat you like you don't have feelings. If you're fighting alot and you find he is increasingly abusive then it's time to get professional help or get out. I know you love him, so you can get him counceling. He can get help to realise he is mistreating you. But if he wont stop then you've got to get out of the relationship before he really hurts you. Abusing your spouse is never normal. Remember this is just advice and I really hope it helps you. I respect all the deciions you make in your future and hope they are the right ones for you. Good luck/write back-Becky
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