A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have very strong feelings for a married man(38) with 3 children. I think about him all day, everyday. I work with him through a charity organisation so am in touch with him now and again and am always trying to think of reasons to contact him. I tried avoiding him for a couple of months which helped, but he phoned up asking me to sign a document for the charity and as soon as i saw him again the feelings flooded back. I don't know what to do as my parents are part of the charity too and he calls our home and comes into our workplace(family business) so it's hard to never see/speak to him. I feel down because i know that i will more than likley never get the chance to be with him, but i am forever hopefull...what should i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (11 May 2007):
 What do you do? Absolutely nothing! HE IS TAKEN! You are free and single just now, would you really want all the hassle and baggage that being with him would entail? Would you want to shatter his wife's and his children's lives this way? Put yourself in her shoes, how would YOU feel if your husband did that to you?
He's probably not even aware you feel like this as you don't mention any flirting or advances from him but that's good. He's only a crush love. There are lots of available men out there that you can have and love 100% and who can give you that love back 100% too. You're only seeing him from the outside and you like what you see. It's like seeing a diamond ring in a shop and badly wanting it, even risking "stealing it" to have it but is it really worth all the hassle if you are caught????
Eve
A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 I would NOT confront him in any way. If you care about him, remember that you want what's best for him. Telling him about your feelings would be to put a temptation in front of him that could destroy his life, family, and kids. Carina gave you really great advice -- I'd do what she suggests. Go out with friends, work on making new relationships with available guys. With time your feelings for Mr. No-No will fade, and you won't have hurt him.
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A
female
reader, Suzie767 +, writes (11 May 2007):
 Hi- i know this is probably not what you want to hear but try and see this from his wife and kids point of view.
would you like it if it was your dad or your husband and the father to your children?
sorry if i have been a little insensitive but i have recently had a baby and if his father was to play away it would absolutely devastate me
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2007): If I were you, i would confront this man about your feelings, and explain how that the amount of time he spends with you and you family is not helping. Also, confronting him in a friendly place would be the best way to go about it.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 You already know the answer to this question. This guy is married with three children. There's never going to be anything in it for you. At most you'd have a fling and end up getting very hurt, not to mention destroying the lives of his wife and three children too.
You're right to aim to get over him. It sounds like a bit of a fantasy/obsession on your part. Try to avoid seeing him again. Like you said, in time it becomes easier: out of sight out of mind. If there are times you have to see him then try to be as realistic as you can about him. He'll have faults like anybody else. Perhaps he picks his nose or has smelly feet, or a bad temper, or is very selfish. Try to knock him off the pedestal you've put him on and see him as he is. I'm not being flippant, but think: in ten years time he'll probably have a paunch and be going bald.
Go out more with your friends and concentrate on having a good time. Go out with some younger guys if you can and focus on them instead. The long and short of it is: you have to forget him and move on. It might take a bit of work, but you can do it....and you'll have lots more fun with someone closer to your age! Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Annonymous247 +, writes (11 May 2007):
Hi..x
i think you should confront him and perhaps tell him how u feel...u never know he could feel the same.
iv been in the same situation before when i have been inlove with someone and see them with they're partner everyday i told him how i felt and three daya l8r he called me telling me he felt the same...he is no longer with his partner and we are becoming very close.
good luck!!!
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