A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:First of all I've been in a very happy relationship for over two years (on and off for 2 years previous to this), my boyfriend is great, he cares and he loves me, he knows I have bad self esteem issues and always tries to resolve them. In the past year I've put on a lot of weight which I'm trying to lose and he supports me all the way but I keep getting this voice in my head telling me I'm fat and I'm not good enough.My ex used to tell me all the time that I was fat, stupid, ugly, worthless etc... and I eventually broke up with him and moved on and so did he. Recently he broke up with his girlfriend and told me that he was sorry for the way he treated me before and he wants us to be friends and told me he wanted to apologise for a while but wasn't man enough to do it, but I think him being dumped shocked his system but i agreed we'd try and mend the bridge and just be friends.But I'm finding it more difficult than I thought, I am paranoid if I see him when he moves back to town he's gonna call me names etc... I can't get over what he did to me before and I can't talk to him about it because he starts and stops talking at random. My boyfriend knows I talk to him since I'm honest and open with him and he thinks i'm getting a bit paranoid but I can't help it.I went from 134 lb to 120 lb (i'm 5'7") when I was going out with my ex and now I'm up to 182 lb so i'm way heavier than i was before. I feel like I'm not good enough for my boyfriend and that he will eventually see me as being nothing but stupid and fat and do what my ex did.I don't even know why my mindset is like this, after all this time I shouldn't care what his opinion is of me but it sticks in my head and I don't know what to do.help
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 February 2013):
Don’t judge everyone by the abysmally low standards of your ex. IF you were with another emotionally abusive bully like him once again, don’t you think you’d be pretty good by now at spotting the signs? Maybe you can’t ever be friends with this ex. It’s very noble of you to forgive him, and will probably help both of you if he is trying to amend his ways. But forgiving some-one means you let go of the anger and resentment and wish them well in life, not necessarily that you remain friends or even in contact. I think you should accept the apologies and keep a distance from each other. Remember this was his bad behaviour, and these things were said simply because he knew they would hurt you and make you feel worthless, not because he even believed they had any truth to them. Don’t expect everyone who comes in to your life to be like him, most men would roundly condemn the way he treated you. It sounds like your current boyfriend would be at the front of the queue. Be happy with him.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 I would not be friends with the ex. there is no need.
he called and said he wanted to apologize. I would have said "apology accepted anything else?" when he says no... or he just wants to be friends... you can say " I see no need to have contact with you, you are my past, I've forgiven you for all your mistakes but I have moved on and hope you will respect that and do the same"
you need to get into some personal counseling to work on you!
NO ONE can make you feel inferior without your consent... if words that come out of someone's mouth hurt you... it's because you buy into their words... and that is in your head.... not theirs.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 February 2013):
 Reminds me of the old vaudlille act where the guy goes to see his doctor and says,'Doc it hurts when I do this", he bends his arm in an awkward position. The doc says,"OK, don't do that, that'll be $25.00 you can pay at the desk' if someone is toxic stay as far away as possible. Your ex sounds like a dumb-_ss, stay away, say to him,"yep, I accept your appology, let those who don't want any live in fond memories of not getting any" then leave and live your new life liberated from he pain of having to be around an idiot.
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