A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm aware that I'm being very judgemental here and that this is absolutely none of my business but it's been on my mind a lot. It concerns one of my oldest friends from school. She is 28 and divorced, with 3 children by 3 fathers, including a 3-month-old whose father has at least 7 children by as many different women. The oldest two are 7 and 4. My friend had a hard time with the divorce and adjusting to life as a single parent, and although she struggles, she is a dedicated mother who works very hard to give her children what they need. I understand that she feels lonely, too, and she has recently met a guy and started dating him. To me, there is nothing wrong with that in itself, but this man, who she has known for one month, regularly sleeps over at her house and had become very involved in her life. He is the fourth man she had introduced to her oldest child. The others all disappeared within 6 months. Again, I'm sorry to sound judgemental but the oldest two are badly behaved, and I wonder if it's related to all this coming and going and the uncertainty in their lives. My friend falls in love with these men and she wants a father figure for her children, and she's absolutely right to want that, but one month is so soon. We spoke after her ex had just cheated on her for the second time while she was pregnant and I gently broached the subject that perhaps it would be better to wait much longer before introducing new men to her family. She agreed at the time but seems to have thrown caution to the wind again. She is not someone who likes being told what to do, and will usually take advice as criticism. I don't think at all that it's my place to say anything, but none of her other friends our family is saying anything. Is there any way at all that I can help her?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (16 March 2013):
Some people always seem to have to learn the hard way, and then make exactly the same mistakes and learn the hard way again, and again, and again, and again.
You’ve spoken to your friend and given her advice which was very sound, and unfortunately she’s not followed it. And it’s too late now anyway as the man has been introduced in to the family already after just a month. If you don’t mind picking up the pieces again if it doesn’t work and repeating your good counsel to your friend, then she’s very lucky to have you in her life. You can do no more than you already have.
I wish you all the very best.
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