A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i have often realised there are times i can think about someone a lot and I don't think this is a bad thing but in a way I want to stop myself or reduce the times I think about someone . I do feel I can become infatuated with someone, sometimes in a unhealthy way like ill think to myself I really want to talk to this person or want them in my life .just recently there was someone who I met and was hoping he may want to spend time with me when he is around my area . it took me a while to eventually say that to him but he more or less rejected me , it obviously hurt a little but I hadn't lost anything, I was mainly disappointed , I felt as though he gave me mixed messages and wasn't truthful to himself or me . I also didn't expect he would meet me because he didn't know me that well and only met me a few times so in a way I cant say I blame him .since this I do still think of him and Ill think oh I really wish we could meet up and talk and find more out about each other , like what is he like as a person , what makes him laugh etc and it frustrates that I cant always get these thoughts out of my head .the advice I am looking for his how to deal with rejection? what are easy ways of reducing thinking about someone ? and how can I accept this person didn't want to get to know ? I know its nothing always person but It does hurt as I did enjoy talking to him briefly and he many have too . ive also realised I can think about other people too much sometimes like a former friend so overall help/advice on stopping thinking about people or identifying ways I do this .
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (11 November 2019):
Most of us can identify with feeling infatuation for someone if we have a romantic interest in this person or an overwhelming urge to build a friendship. The trick is to recognise how irrational it makes you. Every hello message they send becomes full of meaning. Every compliment they give only proves to you that they are totally enamoured with you. Every cute emoji is clear proof that their mind is as full of thoughts of you as yours is of them.
Recognising it is your warning sign to step back. Take a look at what they’re really saying, not what you’re reading into it. Challenge yourself to imagine a different scenario: they only have a casual interest in you, then re-read what you’re seeing and re-think what you’re hearing in that light.
Try to ask important questions early on when you start to recognise that you’re becoming very attached to someone, like whether they’d like to meet up or whatever it is. Then you can deal with the emotional fallout from rejection more easily as it won’t be as bad as if you cooked up this fantasy of you being best friends or perfect partners.
Remember the friendships and relationships that have stood the test of time. When you’re obsessing over someone new, use that as a reminder to invest time in those relationships. Reconnect with old friends. Go and meet that person you haven’t seen in a while. Do something nice for yourself. I’m a great believer in distraction therapy, because unfortunately we can’t stop ourselves thinking things when it’s not good for us. We can choose to give ourselves less time to do it though, and look after our wellbeing so we keep some perspective. I read a book recently which had the title ‘The Art of Not Falling Apart.’ That’s what most of us are trying to do a lot of the time. We do it by having balance, by being kind to ourselves and by cherishing the good things we have. Rejection will come but you’ll survive.
I wish you all the very best.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2019): For me, rejection is something I had to learn to build-up an immunity to. It was a process and takes practice. I don't really try to dwell on it; because thinking about it just makes me feel weird and icky. Being rejected isn't supposed to feel good. It also teaches you empathy for the other person; when you're the one who has to do it.
I feel a mixture of disappointment, embarrassment, and my ego is shot. I got dumped by someone I had a 10-month relationship before I came an uncle on DC. It was really great; so I thought! We had a lot of fun. Sex was fantastic, we traveled together, bought each other lovely presents; and he always said "love-you," when he hung up the phone. Then suddenly, he blindsided me with..."you can do better than me! What the...? We didn't have a fight, I didn't cheat, and we had not long returned from a vacation. He just dumped me. I was gutted!
I had to pull myself back. It wasn't easy. You just have to stop trying make sense of it. Trying to figure-out why or what's wrong with you. You shouldn't allow it to destroy your self-esteem; and try your best not to dramatize it. You're presently emotionalizing. The problem is you let your imagination run-away with your first. Fantasizing and daydreaming. You overreached and tied too much to just being acknowledged by the guy. At least you didn't get 10 months to develop a real attachment!
Letting it get to you and becoming stuck in it, sometimes means you we're seeking validation and confirmation that you're a "desirable person." Everything hangs on his approval of you. He didn't approve; so you're over-processing it, and killing yourself over it. Just stop! Let-go! You do that by distracting yourself every-time the thought comes-up. You dodge your thoughts, and abruptly change the subject in your mind.
If you live inside your head, you never escape your thoughts. It means you have too much idle-time on your hands. You have to keep a list of projects that require your time, concentration, and energy to draw you from your thoughts. Check on your friends, visit relatives, run errands, and keep a to-do list handy for days you feel yourself sinking, or overthinking.
I got deeper into my work, I kept in-touch with family and friends; and my garden turned into a lush horticultural-masterpiece! Fit for a magazine! I found ways to pull myself up when I sank into self-pity. I know how it feels. It hurts! Your ego is bruised, and you almost feel worthless. It's just your pride taking a harsh blow from real-life. We don't always get what we want; so we have to shake it off, and move on. Such is life!
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A
male
reader, stanliwise  +, writes (10 November 2019):
 Rejection means the person is saying I don't wanna "waste your time", so you should appreciate it. Stop expecting things from people, too much expectation brings dissapointment and STOP focusing and thinking too much why you were rejected, rejection isn't logical. Not everyone wants a nice girl like you. If something couldn't see the beauty in you then it means the person is too blind or distracted to see it. Why then do you have to worry about how they choose to see or focus.
Just comport yourself in front of people and learn to say NO(when necessary) even if deep inside you will quickly say YES.
Repect yourself and ensure people also do that.
Lastly, find a good hobby and get yourself occupied, you seem to have too much time to spare.
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