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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.
Q. My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...
A. 21 May 2020: But what would you like to discuss, exactly ?... It does not sound like there is a lot of room for discussions, negotiations and adjustments.
If you have to discuss in order to convince her that it is totally inappropriate for a person in a comm... (read in full...)
I worry I am just this woman's plaything.
Q. Been seeing someone for about four months for only one day a week, she don't have any more time for me, it's really good that one day a week, I told her I looked her up on Facebook, she got really mad an said not to do that again and block me, am I ...
A. 21 May 2020: I am a bit perplexed….
I am pretty sure that this OP posted on DC before . His writing pattern and mannerisms are quite distinctive and recognizable, and I'd say he posted at least twice before, probably more, about similar issues.
Is there... (read in full...)
My partner's family never acknowledge my birthday
Q. Hi everyone, I am 63 and my guy is 65. We both own our own businesses, both fairly healthy. No children. We got together six years ago and both had no children from before. He lives with me in my house and they have often visited here and spent a ...
A. 14 May 2020: Personally yes, I think you are over reacting.
Not all adults are big on birthdays. Some, actually many, don't particularly care about celebrating their or their relatives' birthdays , particularly after a certain age. Kids, OK, you MUST fuss... (read in full...)
This guy I've met shares a house, and sometimes meals, with his ex wife.
Q. I have met someone He is divorced and has 3 grown children the youngest is 20 and still in college. The ex wife and he share a house he lives in the basement and she lives on the first floor. They sometimes share meals and when daughter comes home ...
A. 14 May 2020: What is your question ?
Is it " Is this man telling me the truth " ?
Or is it " Can I handle this kind of arrangement " ?..
The answer to the first question would be : maybe. Not very probable, since generally speaking there's more than meets t... (read in full...)
Should I ask him if he still wants to bother
Q. Hi! So I have been speaking to this guy for a few weeks now - met on tinder but have talked on the phone and everything. He’s after a relationship as he said he’s had enough of one night stands or whatever (this isn’t the point of the question ...
A. 14 May 2020: OP, I think you misunderstood grossly both the spirit and the letter of the advice you were given.
Personally I don't " judge " people who use Tinder, there's nothing to judge, supposing the person is unattached and over 18 there are no mora... (read in full...)
Is normal for my boyfriend to bath and shower with his six year old son
Q. Is normal for my boyfriend to bath and shower with his six year old son. He also, sleeps naked and allows his son to see him naked is this normal. Or red flags to where I should be concerned and running away from this man. I don’t have children. ...
A. 11 May 2020: …Got cut off.
.. Other families may be more reserved about showing their bodies, but many families behave just like your bf and that's OK too. ... (read in full...)
Is normal for my boyfriend to bath and shower with his six year old son
Q. Is normal for my boyfriend to bath and shower with his six year old son. He also, sleeps naked and allows his son to see him naked is this normal. Or red flags to where I should be concerned and running away from this man. I don’t have children. ...
A. 11 May 2020: I don't think there is anything strange in what your bf does, maybe you were raised in a different way,with more stress on privacy and modesty,- which does not mean, though, that your bf's the wrong way.
They are father and son ; and the child is o... (read in full...)
Should I ask him if he still wants to bother
Q. Hi! So I have been speaking to this guy for a few weeks now - met on tinder but have talked on the phone and everything. He’s after a relationship as he said he’s had enough of one night stands or whatever (this isn’t the point of the question ...
A. 11 May 2020: I think it's better if you leave it and don't ask him anything. IF he still wanted to bother with you- you'd know it for sure. It would show, you would not have to chase and push and prod.
As for wasting your time, - you should be able to deci... (read in full...)
I met up with an old crush, had sex twice now he is being short with me.
Q. A few years ago I was speaking to this boy I met on Twitter and we got on really well, flirted and things. we didn’t live near eachother at the time and I got a boyfriend and obviously things didn’t continue. Recently though, me and my boyfriend ...
A. 11 May 2020: That you feel disappointed I get it, we all are when things do not go according to our wishes- that you sound surprised, well, that surprises me . I mean , come on, you hooked up on Tinder, you had sex as soon as you met in person , nothing was ... (read in full...)
I like dressing up and acting as a woman but my wife is pushing me to have sex with a man
Q. My wife encourages me to dress as Joanne every day. She tells me that she told all of her co workers about me, about how my eyebrows are plucked into thin, highly arched lines, how my ears are pierced, how I keep my fingernails long and shaped ...
A. 11 May 2020: I suggest that you stop trolling our site . If you really must share your unappealing erotic fantasies, there are plenty of venues on line which are much more suitable.... (read in full...)
Am I still a virgin if we didn't actually have sex
Q. Me and this guy were just hanging out and we start making out he tells me if I’ve ever had sex and I say no so he says he’s just going to put the tip in he try’s and I told him to stop he tries again and it hurt even more so I said no he said he got ...
A. 8 May 2020: ..But you did have sex, and no, you are not a virgin anymore. Neither from a technical point of view nor from a wider, more psychological perspective.
Anon male of may 6th could not be wronger , and more misinformed, if he tried hard . That 99 % of... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my gentle wife is reading books about murder and violence?
Q. I just found out that my wife of 5 years, a caring gentle woman in her 70"s, has been reading John Stanford books about violence, sex and murder. Should I be worried?...
A. 23 April 2020: Why would you be worried ? Are you afraid that because of reading these books, she'll go on a rampage and bring death and destruction in her wake ?'...
Very improbable, to say the least.
If readers were really so influenceable, every woman wh... (read in full...)
Are these enough warning signs that my partner isn't into me?
Q. So I have been in a relationship for almost 6 months and am wondering whether this relationship will last. I've had a lot of bad relationships, and childhood was not ideal so I doubt myself a lot and struggle with what a normal relationship should ...
A. 21 April 2020: Oh yes, the warning signs are more than enough to show that he is not that into you . The perfect lover , always passionate, caring, sensitive etc.etc. only exists in novels, but generally a man who is into you will try his best to make you ... (read in full...)
I met up with an old crush, had sex twice now he is being short with me.
Q. A few years ago I was speaking to this boy I met on Twitter and we got on really well, flirted and things. we didn’t live near eachother at the time and I got a boyfriend and obviously things didn’t continue. Recently though, me and my boyfriend ...
A. 21 April 2020: Eh… when one thing leads to another so rapidly and impulsively, it is quite common it also leads to either one being unceremoniously " consumed " and promptly discarded.
That you matched on Tinder ! ( of all the possible sites ) does not guar... (read in full...)
I am fighting myself not to contact her
Q. So someone i worked with is no longer talking to me. She knows that i like her as i always complimented her and even told her straight out "i like you". But something happened that she now ignores me. And i wish i knew what it was because it i...
A. 18 April 2020: You don't want your behaviour to be described as " hounding " - I checked the dictionary, just to be sure, and actually the first and main definition it gives ( after the literal one, of chasing after a prey with dogs ) is : to pursue someone ... (read in full...)
Does it matter if a boyfriend is saying he is only 45 percent attracted to me
Q. A short question , just want opinions on being enough physically for a boyfriend . My boyfriend has given me a percent, and a value to what number he finds me attracted at 45 percent , should I be anyoed by this I never asked to be given a perce...
A. 17 April 2020: Uhm. In your place, I'd leave him. Not out of revenge for not
judging me " the fairest of them all ", of course, but because mutual attraction is too scarce to keep the relationship intimate and interesting in the long run.
One thing is to sa... (read in full...)
My partner of 10 years is an alcoholic and porn addict with a bad temper, but he has his good points.. should I leave him? Title
Q. Hey guys! So I've been with my partner 10 years, it isn't all bad and I've learnt a lot through being with him. See, I grew up in a broken home, and though my mum loves me unconditionally, I was never really taught 'how to adult' or how to look ...
A. 12 April 2020: Yours was a very long post : As for me, I don't mind at all, the longer the posts are teh better. But for you- you could have saved yourself some time,because the answer is already embedded in the word " alcoholic ". TBH, I am even surprised taht ... (read in full...)
Since this guy moved in I am losing my self esteem.
Q. Hi all Dated a guy that I got from my best friend. After 2 months we moved into my house because where he was staying according to him they mistreated him. After 3 months together he started to undermine me, and emotionally abused me.he would talk...
A. 10 April 2020: This is a case of " marry in haste - actually, move in in haste - repent at leasure ". You moved him in too fast, before having time to knowi him and to notice a few disturbing things about him. Among which, that he is ashamed of you- but of ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of getting a vasectomy without telling my wife.
Q. I'm thinking of getting a vasectomy behind my wifes back. We were only together four months when she got pregnant with our eldest son. She said she was on the pill, thats fine because these things happen and I love her and was pretty delighte...
A. 10 April 2020: I can't believe it !!
" Her doctor told her she could not get pregnant while she was breastfeeding " ??
Sorry, that cannot be. Either you misunderstood , or your wife told you a blatant lie. ( .. and you both were, sadly ,incredibly misinfor... (read in full...)
I've been seeing a guy since 2018 but we don't seem to be progressing forward.
Q. I have been casually seeing this guy since 2018. I am 37 and he's 43. At first it was just sex, and since he's a truck driver and a loner, he's away weeks, months at a time. Fast forward to last summer, we started "dating" and he even attended ...
A. 10 April 2020: Does anybody remember an old ( 1978 ) song by Townes Van Zandt, called Flyin' Shoes ?
" I get so tired of the same old blues, same old song..
baby it won't be long 'fore I be tying on my flying shoes .. "
Some people are just like that. They'v... (read in full...)
A guy I met on a dating site says he is going to talk to other girls..
Q. I met a guy I a dating site. We chatted and exchanged numbers. He was calling and texting me everyday. He came to see me twice. We had sex. He kept calling and text for a few days. Then it just stopped. I looked at his Facebook. He was flirting with ...
A. 10 April 2020: What happened is that he wanted to get laid, and he did. After which, he is seeking for other, newer experiences.
It could be that he laid it on a bit thick °before° bedding you- then again, if you never properly dated , you were not in a rela... (read in full...)
I've met a 50 year old who lives in his mother's garage.
Q. I recently met a guy who is nearing 50. He has a full time job and has worked in the same place for 20 years. The problem? He lives in his mother's garage. He's not an addict, has a job, has a car, his kids are grown and gone. He's been divorc...
A. 9 April 2020: I see it differently from the anon poster. To me , yes, it would be a problem, and it would be a red flag.
Yes, to me a middle aged guy who has a full time job and is not disabled, must have a place of his own.
Everybody gets knocked down in ... (read in full...)
I only want one girl who I can love.
Q. I have been keeping imagine being in love with someone who loves me. Ridiculously,this makes me even more lonely. I have a girl who lives in a remote town in the mountains 3000 kilometers away.She is kind,pretty and pure.I come to acquaint ,like and ...
A. 8 April 2020: Will the distant love between teenagers last for the life ?
Oh sweetheart, I hate to say it but no, most,most probably it won't. It's already difficult to carry on a long distance relationship between two adults ( difficult, and foolish too if you ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend made me feel like he is apathetic or not invested in this relationship.
Q. My boyfriend and I had a discussion. Much of what we do these days during quarantine. I asked him if I enrich his life, make it better. His response was ... "I've always said. Almost from day one. I want what is best for you. Bottom line is ...
A. 2 April 2020: It depends on the context, and the background of the question.
While his answer , that he 'll have a decent life with or without you , sounds rather dry, cold and unromantic- OTH he sounds like a guy who is exasperated by having been aske... (read in full...)
Could you date a social media addict?
Q. Could you date someone who spends a lot of time on social media or is a socialite? I met a guy who is nice but he seems to have a social media addiction. He comments and likes lots of posts on his friends profiles and public pages. He seems to like ...
A. 1 April 2020: Highly engaged Internet users are not necessarily addicted users, however for some people the use of social media crosses a line. While social media addiction has not been included yet in the DMV-5 as an official mental disorder, obviously any ... (read in full...)
My father moved on very quickly after my mother died and I don't like his partner
Q. Dear Cupid. So my mother passed away almost a year and a half ago, (November 2018) I’m an only child and still very hurt over it for reasons. 4 months after my mother moved out of the family home in 2016 he met a woman and she moved in quit qu...
A. 31 March 2020: Of course it is very sad that your poor mom did not get the chance to be a grandmother to your children, and it is natural that you regret that, and that it makes you sad.
Not that it makes you bitter, though.
It is not your father's... (read in full...)
What the heck is wrong with this man and his comments?
Q. Hi guys, my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 2 months, but there is something that I cant quite wrap my finger about and it’s the fact that my boyfriend every time we see a movie, show or whatever on tv and theres a pretty or ...
A. 31 March 2020: Uhm… aren't we making this a bit more complicated than it needs to be ?
Not to dismiss your psychologist friend's insights, or my DearCupid colleague's insights… but this sounds to me like a rather simple , evident case of " he's not that into... (read in full...)
I'm considering what I want for my wedding considering everything going on in the world
Q. Hello, Where to start? As we all know the world is in the middle of a crisis pandemic. It has really made me reconsider how much money we're spending on our wedding in 2022. We've only booked the hotel but this alone is £7000. This crisis has...
A. 31 March 2020: I think that in this occasion.. whatever you choose is the right solution. You can't go wrong.
If , due to the Covid 19 Epidemy, or , as for that, due to whatever reason of yours, you have changed your mind and preferences, and you don't wish anym... (read in full...)
Should I answer this guy after promising my boyfriend I wouldnt have any further contact with him.
Q. I met a guy two years ago who I started to fall for, despite me being in a relationship. I confessed to my boyfriend and he was very upset. He wanted me to stop contacting the other guy, so I did. I told him that I had chosen to stick with the life ...
A. 30 March 2020: Didn't you say that you have promised your bf to cut contacts with the other guy ?... Then, you have your answer. No. You should not.
A promise means that you say you will do something, then you actually do it. That's the only way to gain, keep... (read in full...)
What is everyone doing with their free time being cooped up?
Q. Hello again! I've posted several times and everyone's been very helpful and empathetic. Thank you! I hope all you aunts and uncles are safe and healthy (and your loved ones too)! I'm under the impression that at least one of the aunts here is ...
A. 26 March 2020: I am an Aunt who lives in Italy. We are in lockdown, we can't go out for walks - we are only allowed to go out to buy food,medications, toiletries, the essential stuff… and we must do our purchases in the supermarket or drugstore etc. which is ... (read in full...)
I don't want my partner back but he says he cant live without us.
Q. I split up with my ex after discovering his infidelity. We have 3 children together who he still sees every other weekend and we have stayed amicable. 2 weeks ago he went silent for about a week. He told me yesterday he is struggling with his ment...
A. 24 March 2020: He took an overdose - says he. Statistically speaking, it's much more probable he went silent... because he was dealing with a massive hangover, or went away somewhere for a nice little jaunt, etc.: and this , said not just out of sheer ... (read in full...)
Could we ever work out again?
Q. I was in a relationship for a year with my ex. We lived together and were deeply in love and had a crazy sexual connection. However - he was very insecure and possessive and the relationship became quite toxic with frequent crazy arguments (was ...
A. 23 March 2020: Maybe you could ( very doubtful, but who knows ),
nevertheless you shouldn't, you definitely shouldn't even if you could.
It sounds to me that what you are missing, and it's clouding the issue , and your judgement as well, is the crazy sexual c... (read in full...)
Why has my ex suddenly blocked me on social media?
Q. Hi my question is why has My ex of 6 years ago suddenly blocked me on social media even though we were not even following each other what does this mean? ... We haven’t spoken since our breakup 6 years ago..I had seen his name pop up in my ...
A. 20 March 2020: It could be because your ex found out somehow that after 6 years you are still sort of sniffing around him on line, and that freaked him out , and he does not want any of that.
Or, his wife found out and asked him to block you. Not nece... (read in full...)
Man I'm dating still lives with his ex and won't tell her about me
Q. I have invested time in a man but I can’t work out whether I’m being too trusting or whether I’m being naive. We’ve been seeing each other about 5 months. He lives in another state and is in my area 4 days a week for work. When we first started ch...
A. 20 March 2020: I think he is bullshitting you.
If his ex would be so upset in knowing he moved on and has now a new partner, to the point she'd run 5 hours away immediately- then , clearly, she is not his ex. By this I do not mean that they necessarily stil... (read in full...)
I kicked the cheater out, but miss what we once had.
Q. I kicked my boyfriend of 10 years out 6 months ago because I found out he’d been having an affair with someone from work. It wasn’t just an affair. He had been leading a double life for the 5 months that the affair went on for. Everyone in their wo...
A. 19 March 2020: The previouS times ?.. As in, more than once ? Plural ? and you kept taking him back ?...
Never mind that , as far as you know, he did not get physical with these other women. First, that's just " as far as you know ", it may very well mean you ... (read in full...)
How can I get my insecure and paranoid mistress to trust me after almost 10 years together?
Q. No harsh judgments. I am only looking for advice here. I am a married man having a relationship with another woman for close to 10 years. It's no longer an affair per se. We've grown to love each other yet I cannot leave my wife. I find ...
A. 9 March 2020: Your mistress sounds like she is a person with mental health problems, certainly not all the women in her same position would act as extreme ,and go as berserk ,as her. Personally I doubt she got anxiety disorder because of worries about you; ... (read in full...)
Am I living with an abusive husband?
Q. Is this abuse ? I’ve been with my husband for 18 years (married for 15). He has some great qualities (doesn’t lie, cheat, is hardworking…), but he has major issues with his moods/temper/ADHD/depression/anxiety. Over the years he has seen a cou...
A. 7 March 2020: Of course it is abuse, what else do you want to call it, when someone yells at you and call you names for no good reason, and tries to intimidate you, and threatens you with physical violence ? when any " trigger " can make him throw things at ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my daughter’s father I’m seeing someone new?
Q. I have been separated from my daughters father for just under a year, we are still good friends but I think there are still some underlying feelings on his part. Recently I've started seeing someone new, I live in a small town where everyone k...
A. 7 March 2020: Frankly, I don't see what's the problem even if he should know from a third party that you are dating someone.
You call him " my daughter's father ", so I suppose you weren't marrried, he's your baby daddy. And , this is a wild guess, but sinc... (read in full...)
My family wants me to go back to my husband. I don't want to but don't think I can make it on my own
Q. Hello, ive been married for 3 years and now i live separately with my husband. My 16 month old son is with me. I live with my family now. So the reason i left him was because he stole my jewellery and money to pay his gambling debt, he lied a ...
A. 6 March 2020: In one word : NO. Or in two : HECK NO ! Do not go back to your husband.
I think many of us at Dear Cupid remember all the long , painful saga and frankly I am astonished that your family wants you to go back to your husband. Maybe you did not ... (read in full...)
I want my ex back but not if he's been with someone else
Q. I split with my bf of 3 years last autumn. We have both joined the same dating site and I can't seem to focus on dating as he's always on there. I've now deleted it as its causing me anxiety. I was thinking of getting back with him as love him but ...
A. 4 March 2020: First of all, I am afraid you might be putting the cart before the horses. He left you and since then, he's been looking elsewheer. Ho do you know, or why would you take for granted, that he'd want to be back with you ?
Second, with few exce... (read in full...)
How do I end this affair with my married lover and father of my child?
Q. Hello everyone, so I know I'm going to get alot of hate for this topic, and I've never seen myself being the type of woman to get myself involved with a married because I know how that ends. But anyway, I have a 9 year old with my ex who is mar...
A. 4 March 2020: You want an easy way to end it ? Try this : tell him that you made up your mind, you do want another child from him, you do love him and want him forever- so all it's left to do for the both of you is going together to talk to his wife, and give ... (read in full...)
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