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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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I am a deeply jealous and insecure women should I get professional help
Q. I have a beaufuial loving fiancee, but lately I have more insecurities in my mind . I just cant help but not feel good enough for my boyfriend . He does all the right things a boyfriend should we are allways together , laughing , being ourselves, ...
A. 3 August 2020: I think there are two different issues here.
One is your need for professional help, and I'd say yes, you cannot go wrong in tackling your problems under the guidance of a specialized professional. From what you say , your fears and inse... (read in full...)
My heart is breaking, time for me to move on?
Q. I need help to move on from a past love interest. I have known a man who is 48 years old for 6 years from my walking group. I am in my 30s, I'm shy but am still able to interact with him. He is also reserved but popular with people in the group the ...
A. 3 August 2020: Exactly, OP, you've got it. ...When all is said and done, the priority is you, not him. Do loving things for yourself, things that make you heal, which make you feel good- without him. As if he did not even exist. For all intents and purposes , he ... (read in full...)
He has my number but he hasn't texted me yet?
Q. I met a guy online and we hit it off pretty well (in my opinion). I was teasing him by calling him Mr. John, then he started to call me Rossie as a way of teasing me back. He started asking me questions about myself, like where I was from and would ...
A. 19 July 2020: I vote for " chill pill " too. You sound very anxious and very eager over... not much. So you were flirting and bantering back and forth. So, he was asking you questions about you, like where are you from and what are you up to these days... ... (read in full...)
My heart is breaking, time for me to move on?
Q. I need help to move on from a past love interest. I have known a man who is 48 years old for 6 years from my walking group. I am in my 30s, I'm shy but am still able to interact with him. He is also reserved but popular with people in the group the ...
A. 17 July 2020: Yes, you need to move on. You need to be brave and become able to face reality and accept that 6 years is a long time to waste after a pipe dream, that in 6 years if something was going to happen it would have happened already,... and that you are a ... (read in full...)
I think we might break up. How do I cancel on boyfriend's birthday
Q. Hi all, I need advice! How should I cancel on my boyfriend. His birthday is on Friday. He is divorced and moved back in with his parents he has a son with his ex. She text him last week saying she wanted to get back with him! Since then he’s...
A. 17 July 2020: So, what you are saying is basically that you think he is on the verge of dumping you ,BUT he will wait on purpose until he gets your gifts , - only to proceed then to dump you AND to keep the gifts.
Oh my. That's certainly not a nice thin... (read in full...)
My partner's parents live 5 minutes from us. They promised to be there for us but they never are
Q. Hey y'all. I dont know how im to put this without sounding like a hag. When i met my fiancé i had 2 kids in tow. We had one of our own a few years later. During the pregnancy his mom was pretty supportive she reassured me that she would be a ...
A. 17 July 2020: I too have to agree with the other DearCupiders, IMO the problem is not your in-laws' behaviour; the problem is in your expectations. You have certain expectations and if they don't meet them, - this means that they must be wrong, mean , evil, ... (read in full...)
He's 8 years younger than me and his grandmother told me to tell him to go away
Q. hello my name is Ashley and I really need your help. I am 29 years old with 2 kids and single mom. I met a guy two weeks ago and he is 21. I met him when I went to drop off my kids so his grama can watch them for me and she is the manager to the ...
A. 16 July 2020: I say you should listen to his grandma and give him a wide berth, it's a bit too obvious what he is up to. He is young and ( probably ) immature, and into instant gratification like most people his age. That's why he was coming on strong.. and ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for a guy not fully hard to ejaculate quickly because he's nervous?
Q. I am divorced and recently had sex, I guess, with a guy I had been talking to for awhile but just met for the first time. He would go in shortly while not fully hard and when, I asked him what was wrong he said he was really nervous and afraid he'd ...
A. 16 July 2020: Well, that's how premature ejaculation works . At least, what complicates it. He is nervous because he fears that he will finish too soon , and he finishes too soon because he is nervous. Sort a self fulfilling prophecy. Probably he would not ... (read in full...)
Does Covid stops men having intimacy with you and especially if you(Men) tested positive before?
Q. My boyfriend who had virus at the end of march, and he had it for a month, doesn’t seem like he wants to have a sex. After 28 days quarantine, we started to see each other and giving peck while wearing mask. Then I asked him when the second phase ...
A. 16 July 2020: And has he actually tested negative after his quarantine ? Here, at least, to be declared Covid-free you have to come up negative at two ( in some areas, three ) subsequent swabs performed a few days from one another, and some people unluckily ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to spend every minute of every day together?
Q. Hello. I hope all is well. I’ve been dating this guy I met at school for five months and this is my first real relationship. I just have a question since I don’t have much relationship / dating / experience. Is it normal to spend every minute of ...
A. 13 July 2020: No, it's not quite normal. Also because in general people, when there are no pandemies and no lockdowns, could not afford doing that , even if they wanted it. People in general has got to work, or to study or to mind their children and do chores, ... (read in full...)
I told him I would leave if I caught him doing drugs. Its happened again but I don't want to confront him
Q. When I first met this guy, I knew he did hardcore drugs, but he just up and gave it up for me. We've been together almost 7 years now, and yesterday was the 3rd time he accidentally left a syringe laying around in his stuff, I was not going through ...
A. 12 July 2020: How should you approach this situation ? IMO, you should not approach it at all , if you just had some common sense. You'd just pack up your stuff ( or send him packing if the house is yours ) and be rid of him. " But I love him ! " is never, ... (read in full...)
I am bigger than my partner and being on top is uncomfortable for me. Any suggestions?
Q. So I am physically the bigger bodied one in the relationship, I weigh a lot more than he does, and when it comes to having sex, me being on top is out of the question for me, I have got on top in the past but I am just completely uncomfortable, for ...
A. 12 July 2020: Unluckily I cannot make you a drawing here :) but it will be enough that you google "woman on top sex positions " and you'll see that there are many variations of the basic
" cowgirl " position, quite a few of which allow you to lean forward and ... (read in full...)
We dated, I wasn't ready, we became friends, she got a boyfriend and now I love her.
Q. I’m struggling with my feelings for one of my female friends. Two years ago I met her and we started dating. However, it only lasted a month. I had just got out of a relationship a few months before and although I initially thought I was ov...
A. 10 July 2020: One more " stay put and don't say anything ". Yours is an arrogant, self centered perspective. You feel that you might have missed your big chance .... and ?... So what ?. The world does not revolve around you. Yes, it may have been bad timing , ... (read in full...)
The man I am dating told me he still loves his ex
Q. Hi I’ve just started a new relationship I really like him I split with my partner a year ago he split with his 4 months ago we were in bed last night and he told me he still loves his ex so obviously now I am confused as to what to do I know I ...
A. 10 July 2020: " I know I should end it "- then, if you know, why don't you end it ?
You could be good together... °if only ° he weren't still in love with his ex. And your grandma could be a wheelbarrow, °if only ° she had wheels.
It is what it is. You have... (read in full...)
I thought it was a golden rule, so why do so many people break it?
Q. I’ve always heard that one of the golden rules of first dates is to never talk about exes. But often on first dates (or during online dating app pre-date talking), I'm asked about past relationships like how long did it last? why did it end? etc. ...
A. 8 July 2020: I guess it depends. It may be a golden rule, but it's not an iron-clad, etched-in-granite rule. It allows for some flexibility, some adjustments...
I reckon the rule was invented principally because there are too many people who forget that a date... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of seven months has anger issues.
Q. Hi all, hoping for some advice: I’m divorced, in my 40s, and have recently moved country. Shortly after moving, I met my now boyfriend (of 7 months) For some time now, I have not been able to make sense of my his anger issues. He is highly-edu...
A. 8 July 2020: Good grief, OP ! You know this is not how is meant to be ( duh ! )... and you are carrying on like this ? For 7 months ?! Until when ?... You surely have staying power- 7 months of being called asshole, an idiot, a baby.... 7 months of being ... (read in full...)
How can I tell if my husband is physically attracted to me?
Q. How would a wife know her husband is physically attracted to her ? If she asks him and he just nods or is evasive or doesn’t ever compliment her. Is the fact he has sex with her a way she should assume means he’s attracted even though he also gets ...
A. 8 July 2020: No, men do not need to feel physical attraction to the particular woman they are having sex with. They can love the °sensations ° they get from sexual intercourse, without particularly admiring or appreciating the woman they are having it ... (read in full...)
On and off ex just married somebody else.
Q. ex and i were doing the on/off thing for YEARS. it went on too long, i still had feelings, he apparently didn't because he was always hesitent to get back together. he had a cycle of hoovering and discarding me over and over again. i foolishly ...
A. 8 July 2020: "On and off " is the key word- and the warning sign. What is done is done, and you can't go back and change the past, but you keep in mind for the future that if something is " on and off " - there's no happy ending in view. The relationship can't ... (read in full...)
When we are together he gives me just enough attention to feel wanted, but otherwise I am ghosted.
Q. I caved and went back to my ex boyfriend. He claims he loves me and our baby. He still doesn’t help out with her. He will be consistent on communication. Then it will be days before he texts me. We are having sex again. Which is not good at all. I ...
A. 1 July 2020: Maybe not his whore, but definitely his Friend with Benefits. Or his Casual Relationship, at most ; because he does not act as if for him it's more than that, even if he were monogamous ( which I am inclined to disbelieve , due to his ... (read in full...)
I left my husband from another country. He will not respond as to whether he has filed for divorce or not
Q. My husband lives in a different country, he’s lives in the Middle East and thinks he is my boss! He has always been very abusive towards me in every kind of way and 9 months ago I left him and cut all contact with him as he was abusing me again...
A. 1 July 2020: So you " did your homework "... Actually, that's highly debatable; if you had properly done your homework about divorce in that specific country, first thing you'd know would be your marital status there, and if there is any divorce cause pending ... (read in full...)
I want to start living as a woman. How do I tell my wife?
Q. My wife started dressing me as a woman when we first started dating, we have since married and my dressing up as Joanne continues. About a year and a half ago, my wife brought up wanting to see me with a man while I am dressed as Joanne, I ...
A. 24 June 2020: This is annoying.
Yeah, of course this is a wind up- what else ( as the question referred to by YCBS shows clearly ). But that, I would not mind . After many years on DC, the questions naturally tend to be more or less the same, so when ther... (read in full...)
We had some good dates and now he messaged me and said he's not ready for a relationship
Q. I went on a few dates with a guy and they seemed to go really well. He’s very shy and has had a difficult life from the snippets he’s told me. He’s experienced a lot of loss and due to a rift between his parents, he doesn’t see much of either of ...
A. 24 June 2020: Frankly, OP, to me his " issues " sound like total bullshit. And rather trite too, nothing new or inventive. His unstable childhood and sense of abandonment have not prevented him at all from pursuing you, feeling instant chemistry ( and acting ... (read in full...)
Is a year too long to make my LDR boyfriend wait?
Q. Hello I'm a single woman of many years I'm just finally starting to get back in the romantic spot light .So I met this guy on the Internet very respectful all I ever dreamed of he sends me money we talk for hours on the phone.He even told his ...
A. 24 June 2020: Yeah ,good point, Fatherly Advice.
OP, how come this is sending you money ?! And how come you accept it ?!- Considering that basically you do not even know each other, don't you find just weird (.. forget about "inappropriate" .. ) that mone... (read in full...)
Should I be concerned that sometimes my boyfriend likes to use a ball gag on me during sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have a healthy, regular sex life. My only concern is that sometimes he likes to gently use a blindfold, tie ups and a ball gag. I like the blindfold and being tied up, but I don’t love the gag. Is it a red flag that he even wants ...
A. 22 June 2020: Well, you do seem to have a knack for making simple issues very complicated :)
Look, it °is° simple : you °have ° been a good sport. You have promptly and eagerly accepted, regardless of your vanilla background and frame of mind , to try new ... (read in full...)
I want to move on from a relationship that left me broken.
Q. This relationship has left me broken and I really don't know how to move forward. I was with him on and off for the past year and it was the best time of my life. We have so much in common, got along beautifully and never fought. He has a young son ...
A. 17 June 2020: Naah… you are not broken. You are a bit bruised up, a little dented, you've got a few unexpected, but very normal, knocks along the bumpy road to love. But, with time, patience , courage and will- strength, you 'll be whole again, as good as new- ... (read in full...)
I found a lipgloss in my boyfriends car now what ?!
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now we have a baby together he’s 2 we also live together . So I would say this relationship is serious right?! Wrong !! So about two months ago I snoop though his phone and went through his Facebook I found a ...
A. 17 June 2020: Marry - or in your case, shack up , - in haste, repent at leisure. 3 years together, you have a 2 y.old together, this means that you got pregnant after 3 months of dating, maybe not even that. A bit rushed. Risky, you really have no idea what ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by what this man said.
Q. I recently started talking to someone in a friendly way , he lives in another city to me and asked me, if I am I going to keep him up an night if he stays at mine as I said id like to spend the night with him, im just wondering if he will have ...
A. 1 June 2020: It sounds like sexual banter to me; he is flirting. I guess he said it in a joking way, but yes, he means
" something " . You say that you'd like to spend the night with him,... and he gets ideas, it's normal . Considering that if basi... (read in full...)
Is this guy trying to make me pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone This is my first time posting on this, and my friend told me its very helpfull, im not sure how much details to go into but this has really confused me and have asked a few people but not really had a answer lol, So a guy im seeing af...
A. 31 May 2020: He had already come inside you, and rubbing semen in would not make a iota of difference as for odds of getting pregnant. If either one of you believes that it does , I guess you need to educate yourself better about reproduction.
I think you ... (read in full...)
Are our neighbours taking their stress out on us?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles, I was just wondering if I had made the best decision… Five years ago, my husband and I struck a friendship with a couple that is about 12 years older. They live in the same village where we bought a house, where we hope to...
A. 31 May 2020: I think that , if any, you are under-reacting ! Ok, I get it, you want to keep being friends with these people so you are not going to " blow out of proportion" this episode. What can I say: just that you definitely must be a better person that I ... (read in full...)
My wife says my vest is embarrassing.
Q. There's a TV show about a motorcycle club called Sons of anarchy. I bought a vest like the ones worn on the show by the actors. I have a motorcycle and I'm such a fan of that TV show. My wife says it would be embarrassing to wear it as people w...
A. 31 May 2020: Well, I guess that's the point… I don't know any adult male in your age range- none at all- who would even consider wearing a Spiderman or a Superman shirt. Unless it's Halloween.
Then again, Italy is notoriously fastidious about how to dres... (read in full...)
Blocked, I'm angry at how all the blame is on me, should I send a letter and a gift?
Q. I was seeing a girl and she has a boyfriend, who she got just a few weeks after we met. Turns out she wanted to see both of us. But recently finally, the boyfriend found out her secret. She was out with me, and he got security to bget into her room ...
A. 28 May 2020: I am not sure your anger is justified. You are sore at her because of having been unceremoniusly dumped when she decided unilaterally that you weren't worth making her bf mad, and / or worth teh hassle in general. Ok, that may smart .
Then agai... (read in full...)
Is she smitten with me?
Q. I am confused and more unsure than I have ever been. I have always been a good guy who is confident and I always know what to do. But with this lovely woman I am unsure. We work together, and she is in a relationship she is dissatisfied wit...
A. 28 May 2020: " Next time I am going to have a sore hand " while smirking ?.. When I read that, I had to roll my eyes so hard that I saw my brain ! OP, are you for real ? That's one of the crassest and cringiest double-entendres that I have heard in years ! ... (read in full...)
My wife and I fight about laundry! I mean REALLY fight about it!
Q. My wife doesn't like to do laundry. She says she doesn't like the noise (we have a small house so doing a load of laundry permeates) and apparently doesn't like any other aspect of it either. She will let her laundry pile up until she has nothing ...
A. 26 May 2020: ...Your wife may be " losing it ", but you do not sound the most reasonable ever yourself….
You do your laundry AT NIGHT ?! and in a small house too ?
I assume that ,lucky you, not only you live in an independent house , not an apartmen... (read in full...)
Why did he ghost me after acting so insecure ?
Q. For the past 4 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much. On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , ...
A. 26 May 2020: Why were you ghosted ?...
We can just guess,.. but it's far from a wild guess. I'd say that it's very self -evident, isn't it ?
... He ghosted you because he only meant to be entertained sexually by you a few times, having accomplished which, h... (read in full...)
I feel trapped in this relationship.
Q. Hi I’ve been in a long term relationship for 8 years we have a coming up 6 year old son my partner 3 years ago suddenly started smoking weed he was good looking and smart when we met the relationship was great we both were working we went on ...
A. 23 May 2020: You could move out yourself ( with your child, of course ).
If you are the only one paying rent and bills- elementary Watson, just move out and let him fend off for himself, you've got nothing to lose. If what's stopping you, is the fact that... (read in full...)
Writing on behalf of my friend about his ex.
Q. Hi everyone, this is my first post so please bare with me. I am writing on behalf of my friend (M 22) who had a situation with his ex (F 21) recently which I am very concerned about. They have known each other for about 8 years so their history is ...
A. 23 May 2020: Your friend must be a very stubborn guy. One of those people who ask for advice, -don't like the advice, don't take it… but keep posting , or making friends post on their behalf,
in the hope they get the advice they wanted to begin with. Stra... (read in full...)
Why did he ghost me after acting so insecure ?
Q. For the past 4 weeks I have been going on dates with a guy I met in a grocery store in March. At first i was a little skeptical because he’s a tad bit older but not by much. On our first date we met up at Dairy Queen. We talked for three hours , ...
A. 23 May 2020: Well, I don't know for sure because you were there and I wasn't, yet my take on this is different from yours , I don't read that as " insecurity ", he does not sound insecure to me ( although, maybe he was, just a little bit, because of the age ... (read in full...)
Did I emotionally cheat?
Q. Some background. I’m in my mid 20s, my boyfriend is early 30s. I went through a very tough breakup. This was at a time in my life where I was also experiencing four deaths of people close to me. I was an absolute mess to say the least. Throughout ...
A. 23 May 2020: Erm.. oh gosh .I am going to sound snotty , but… would you tell us where do you work ??:).)
Really, I can't think of any work environment where such a descriptive kind of locker room talk would be appropriate . You say that the only diff... (read in full...)
Does this man like me or need space?
Q. This boy told me he likes me n he started holding me n kissing me. He stays the night n hold me. In morning he left early n didn't hear from him in a couple days. He came up to me n I said u didn't say nothing just left. He said I need to get on my ...
A. 23 May 2020: I think he wants something very casual.
" I need to get on my feet " means " I need to get on my feet, before I can act reliable and consistent and do anything even similar to dating ". Which, btw, could be the truth ( meaning, when he is b... (read in full...)
My married boyfriend is moving to Panama for 6 months and is leaving me behind. He wants me to wait for him. Should I?
Q. I know I won't get any sympathy here but I am looking for some advice. Mistresses have nowhere to go. My married lover (he is more like a boyfriend now) is going to Panama with his wife in September to spend 6 months out of the year there, ever...
A. 23 May 2020: Precisely; why must you put your life on hold ?
In fact, you don't have to; you should not, and you know it.
Putting your life on hold for a married man, who also will be available ( sort of ) only half of the year it would be sheer insanity... (read in full...)
Girlfriend refuses to discuss our relationship.
Q. My girlfriend got drunk one day after an argument. She met up with a friend and they took a guy back to her place. Her friend left but the guy stayed. The next day she said nothing happened and told me they were both naked in the bed. She also told ...
A. 21 May 2020: But what would you like to discuss, exactly ?... It does not sound like there is a lot of room for discussions, negotiations and adjustments.
If you have to discuss in order to convince her that it is totally inappropriate for a person in a comm... (read in full...)
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