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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How do I end this affair with my married lover and father of my child?
Q. Hello everyone, so I know I'm going to get alot of hate for this topic, and I've never seen myself being the type of woman to get myself involved with a married because I know how that ends. But anyway, I have a 9 year old with my ex who is mar...
A. 4 March 2020: You want an easy way to end it ? Try this : tell him that you made up your mind, you do want another child from him, you do love him and want him forever- so all it's left to do for the both of you is going together to talk to his wife, and give ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants me to help him through his heroin addiction I'm not sure that I want to
Q. I’ve been with my boyfriend for five months and we really love each other like I’ve neber before we only see each other the weekends as he lives 40 mins away and works nights but that’s changed this weekend he’s back on days and was supposed to be ...
A. 3 March 2020: HE's amazing every other way ?...Are you serious ?... I don't want to joke about what for you is a true heartbreak, yet I feel you do not realize how all this sounds to an impartial listener , or observer: like a line in some ( bad ) sitcom. " Oh ... (read in full...)
Men say they cant understand why I am single, yet go on using dating sites!
Q. Over the years I have had some male friends/admirers who are interested in me romantically but either come across as introvert or lacking in confidence I'm not sure. I am an introvert but am confident. We will get on well and flirt but something ...
A. 29 February 2020: Being quite pretty is certainly an asset, but , if those guys are looking for a relationship, it's not enough to make them pursue you , in case you do not coincide with with the kind of person they want. This does not mean that you aren't good ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm being a bad friend but she isn't respecting my wishes
Q. I'm upset at a friend and scared for our friendship. We used to be best friends but lately things haven't been going well at all. Long story short she positively ID bed bugs in her apartment. She asked multiple times if she could stay with me and I ...
A. 27 February 2020: Whaat ? She is being a bad friend, - she is being a bad person. Imagine that, you tell her you'd prefer her not to use your vacuum cleaner ( well, your mistake may have been that, she could pretend that your " prefer " was not just a polite ... (read in full...)
My friend was like a sister to me but then suddenly cut me off - why?
Q. I'm 27 and in a relationship, but this is a question about a friend. Before any of you jump in saying that it's weird for straight taken guys to have female friends, let me just say that I've had female friends since I was about 3 and that just ...
A. 25 February 2020: Yes, she has the right to cut you off whenever she thinks suitable.You can't force people to be your friend or to be there for you, friendship can't be an obligation or a legally binding contract .The moment that either party feels something has ... (read in full...)
I went home for the weekend and returned to find my rented room trashed!
Q. Hi Agony people. Just wondering can someone tell me whether I’m right or wrong. Rent a room off a lady for college term. Stay Sunday night to Friday and go home every weekend. She is away but at the weekend her son had a party and some people ...
A. 25 February 2020: Yes, of course you have the right to complain and be angry. If you pay a monthly rent ( i.e. if your rent covers also the days / periods in which you happen not to be there ) you have the right to be furious, as for that . Your landlord had no ... (read in full...)
I was asked to be a Matron of Honour, but I can't really afford it.
Q. To cut a long story short, my friend got engaged 6 months ago and asked me to be her maid of honour but since then she’s asked me to go to one wedding fair (which I couldn’t go to due to my child being ill) yet her bridesmaid has been to several ...
A. 23 February 2020: Who knows, maybe your friend chose you because in her mind that meant doing something nice for you, or giving a special distinction , even if currently you aren't the most suitable for the role of MOH ; anyway , there's no shame in realizing that ... (read in full...)
I'm broken from a cycle of cheating and being cheated on.
Q. My long term bf cheated on me few yrs ago so I had a revenge affair. it only brought misery and guilt to me when I found out my ‘affair partner’ is a serial womanizer. I broke up the affair 8 months ago but I’m not able to let go. Also I want to ...
A. 22 February 2020: I think you have already got very good advice ( but for the eye-roll inducing advice by the " swept up " mistress. ).
So I just want to add : be careful. What if the wife is a person just like you, - vindictive ?
I mean, you could warn her... (read in full...)
Was it a good idea to make a fake account and test my lying boyfriend?
Q. Hello agony aunts, I've been with my boyfriend for almost two years. It's been a very rough relationship because we were always on and off because of his controlling behaviour. He lied to me about his age, his family and about him not talking to ...
A. 20 February 2020: No, not all men will do what your ex did.
But liars and cheaters will do it. You knew he was a big fat liar, and you knew he was a cheater- but you keep giving him "chances" one after the other,- then you are even surprised of what he turn... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend got angry about pics on social media.
Q. I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, we've not been in contact much since then, but he's gotten angry with me about a photo he found on Instagram. The photo in question is me with a Snapchat filter, the one with the bear ears and no...
A. 19 February 2020: Aw come on, OP. Playing dumb a tiny little bit, aren't we ?...I feel pretty sure that you got what we mean, and you got that it's not about the shoulders per se - otherwise you'd have no doubts, would have thought your ex is batshit crazy, … ... (read in full...)
Arranged marriage, should I tell my fiance about my past?
Q. HI , I am 25 from India. So i was in abusive relationship with a guy from school for 5 years approximately. Through those times he cheated multiple times and dumped me badly. So i was heartbroken went into depression. It was very bad phase in lif...
A. 19 February 2020: Sorry... I am finishing my previous post :
In the Western world, I would say that there's no need to discuss your past , that's your own damn business.
BUT, in the Western world, that a girl who gets married has some previous sexual experien... (read in full...)
Arranged marriage, should I tell my fiance about my past?
Q. HI , I am 25 from India. So i was in abusive relationship with a guy from school for 5 years approximately. Through those times he cheated multiple times and dumped me badly. So i was heartbroken went into depression. It was very bad phase in lif...
A. 19 February 2020: Uhm... I think you should / could instead have an idea of what your future husband's expectations are, based on his background, and the way your parents think, act and grew you up.
I mean, for reasons unfathomable to Western eyes, it is a fact... (read in full...)
Should I trick my husband to let me watch him and a friend?
Q. Hi all. This might seem an unusual problem for some. I've always known my husband is quite flexible when it comes to sexuality. In college he told me he had a friend that he experimented with on numerous occasions and it never bothered me. Inf...
A. 19 February 2020: Other DearCupiders have touched on how in a vast majority of case sexual fantasies should remain precisely that- fanasies, because when turned into reality tehy are likely either to result lackluster and disapponting, or open a Pandora's box of ... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm treading on eggshells at work and don't know where to go from here
Q. I started a new job nine months ago. I come from a very different background (many aspects) from my employers. I’m female and relatively young (mid 30s) versus my employers (group of men aged mid 50s-60s). They hired me for my experience which...
A. 19 February 2020: Probably my view won't be that popular, anyway here it is :
you are an employee, not a partrner of the company. You have been hired, no doubt because of your excellent qualifications , with the expectation that you'll do the very good job, whic... (read in full...)
Should I try again with the woman I dumped?
Q. I broke up with my girlfriend because she had a degree and gets paid more than me. She has her own place. I moved back in with my parents because I’m going through a divorce. I have a crappy job she tried to help me find a better one. I kind of ...
A. 18 February 2020: … She still has a degree and she still earns more than you and she still has her own place. She still has her s..t together way more than you do, so, if her being in a better place than you was what broke you up the first time, - well, nothing has ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend got angry about pics on social media.
Q. I split up with my boyfriend about a month ago, we've not been in contact much since then, but he's gotten angry with me about a photo he found on Instagram. The photo in question is me with a Snapchat filter, the one with the bear ears and no...
A. 18 February 2020: Personally, I see it more or less like Honeypie.I think, why in the world a grown up woman who is not into show business or nude modeling or whatnot, who is not one who "needs " ,in a way, to attract attention on her ( possibly ) naked body, - ... (read in full...)
I've just discovered I am the OTHER WOMAN!
Q. I've been in a sexual relationship with a man for over almost 4 years now. I do not have feelings for him, but had always wondered why he was so distant and indifferent towards me throughout the 4 years. Long story short I just found out throug...
A. 16 February 2020: You want to be loved the way she is loved ? I.e., by someone who will cheat on you and lie to you non-stop for 4 years ?
Hopefully not . You want to be loved because everybody wants to be loved, but I bet you want to be loved by someone good... (read in full...)
This girl is bad for me, what should I do?
Q. A long time ago in college there was a girl who was very close to me, very touchy feely and all that. I fancied her, had a really huge crush. Though I didn't know it, she had friend zoned me. One day she said she was moving to the west coast and ...
A. 16 February 2020: A frendship request on FB is not a royal summmons, you are perfectly free to accept it - or reject it , if you are not interested. I don't think it is considered "rude " by current netiquette standard.
But, even if she sshould see it as rude... (read in full...)
Attracted to my and wife's mutual friend
Q. Need help. I became somewhat close friends with a woman a few years back because our kids were in same class. For the first year or two, we just exchanged occasional text about school ect and , although my wife wasn't as close, my wife knew we were ...
A. 14 February 2020: We don't know if this lady is simply someone who is used to establish good , platonic friendships with males,and sees you as one of them, or if, instead, she is a c..kteaser who feeds off being
wanted and courted by male acquaintances . Eith... (read in full...)
I'm a bit naive, how do I get myself out of this pickle?
Q. I have a co-worker who has a bit of a crush on me. He has been persistent in trying to go to the gym together and he can "show me how to work out". It's actually starting to get a bit annoying because he keeps mentioning it every day on our break. ...
A. 12 February 2020: Yes, it is a bit naive of you to assume that just because a Turkish guy will most probably end up marrying a Turkish woman... he would not be interested in some " roll in the hay " type of thing with an available ( actually, perceived as possibly ... (read in full...)
I don't like the boy my mom has me dating. How do I break up without hurting him?
Q. Dear Cupid, My mom has me and my best friend dating but I don't love him the same way he loves me. He's sending me money and stuff but I have feelings for another person and I'm clueless on what to do. How do I tell the boy i have feelings for i li...
A. 12 February 2020: I think we'd like to have more details , if possible. As it is, that's a strange story. Like, why is your mom so keen of you dating this guy ? What's so special in him ? generally speaking- moms of teenagers are not so enthusiastic of seeing ... (read in full...)
I hounded the man I love while drunk, now he wont respond to me.
Q. I have a friend who told me years ago he liked me then i got really drunk one night and kept messaging him, his best friend told my best friend that he really liked me. This got me really excited as more feelings for him came out of me ,he had also ...
A. 12 February 2020: Anon female reader of Feb. 11 th: that's a curious way of reasoning, and it disposes of the need and usefulness , not only of Agony Aunts sites, which would not be such a huge loss- but also of any kind of counseling / advice / input, either formal ... (read in full...)
How do I get over the lazy, lying man I dumped?
Q. I have failed to get over my ex.. We dated for 2 years.. We were amazing together... The challenge was always two things.. He was a liar and not financially dependable.. I am a working woman of 34 years with a daughter.. I can support myself.....
A. 11 February 2020: I am sure my collleagues told you already, but : if you don't want to block him on call , then you don't really want to get over him. You want to hang on to him nail and teeth, instead.
Which is fine: your choice. You don't have necessarily to w... (read in full...)
I hounded the man I love while drunk, now he wont respond to me.
Q. I have a friend who told me years ago he liked me then i got really drunk one night and kept messaging him, his best friend told my best friend that he really liked me. This got me really excited as more feelings for him came out of me ,he had also ...
A. 11 February 2020: Far too serious ? I guess it's a matter of points of view.
For you a grown up woman who can't control her drinking , and gets so sozzled to become a romantic, over-emoting text pest, it's a haha-funny laughing matter. I am not saying it can'... (read in full...)
Are bad body odour and dirty clothes a deal breaker?
Q. i’ve been chatting with a guy on dating site. Built up a connection, exchanged phone numbers and have now talked on the phone a few times as well as chatting online.Decided to meet up in person as we have a lot in common and definitely a ...
A. 7 February 2020: To me it would be a dealbreaker . For the reason you mentioned : he made zero efforts to make himself presentable before a date . How lazy can you be for not taking a quick shower - heck, let's make it easy for him : for not splashing some soapy ... (read in full...)
I'm feeling guilty because for 2 years my married LDR lover has thought I am dead
Q. I am separated with 3 children, in short, I am a single mother. My story is...I had a long-distance affair with a married man from 2006 to 2017. I met him once in Hongkong and Our relationship was wonderful but also painful. I love him a lot but ...
A. 7 February 2020: Close your daughter's account. Send him a check for the amount he sent her, including a letter by which you come clean and tell him you pretended to be dead for two years, while your kids were accepting his money ( btw, " we did not know ... (read in full...)
I'm having a hard time expressing my needs within the relationship.
Q. Hi guys! Background: I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 8 months now. I’m 27 he’s 28. We’ve talked about potentially moving in together when my lease is up in May. This is the first relationship I’ve been in that is relatively healthy, and I’ve ...
A. 6 February 2020: You don't necessarily have to express your "needs " ( or perhaps, wants ? ). I am afraid this would be a typical case of self -fulfilling prophecy. You push and push with your need for reassurance and your fear of abandonment… that after a ... (read in full...)
I have a boyfriend. Is it inappropriate to have my male best friend meal prep for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. Last week, one of my close friends who is male, asked if I could go accompany him to the wholesale supermarket since I had a membership and he wanted to get purchase a bunch of cleaning ...
A. 5 February 2020: Overthinking , big time.
I mean, maybe- just maybe - if you both were preparing your meals in his kitchen as a passtime, there would be a hint of excessive closeness, of getting a bit too cozy. And I ' am saying " maybe ", meaning that some peop... (read in full...)
My step father is abusive but wants my mother to take him back.
Q. My dad passed away in 2009 by suicide. I was 13 at the time my sister was 2.. In 2010 my mum met this guy -let's call him Jay. They dated for awhile until my mum fell pregnant and the family forced them to get married -she had a miscarriage. D...
A. 26 January 2020: And you do realize you are 24 now ? With an education,
( which gives you access to good alternative career opportunities to supplement your income , or to start a new path should your business not pick up ), and, as you say, a flourishing succ... (read in full...)
My step father is abusive but wants my mother to take him back.
Q. My dad passed away in 2009 by suicide. I was 13 at the time my sister was 2.. In 2010 my mum met this guy -let's call him Jay. They dated for awhile until my mum fell pregnant and the family forced them to get married -she had a miscarriage. D...
A. 25 January 2020: Sorry to be so brutal, but...what about getting a job if you don't have one and moving out as fast as lighting ? And, if you have your mother's consent ( because yor sister is still a minor ) you can take little sis with you.
I get it that... (read in full...)
What is the ideal male body type?
Q. I have been lifting weights for ten years and had a bodybuilder type of body. Most other males envied me. I assumed women found my type of physique attractive too. So I was surprised that my girlfriend didn't quite like the way I look and wanted me ...
A. 20 January 2020: Hard to say. I don't think you will find any unanimous consensus in the answers you'll get. Tastes vary a lot in this respect. The physical ideal may vary according to age of who is doing the evaluation, geographic location, cultural and social ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a child already, but I'd like to have one of my own.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together about a year now. He's almost 25 I'm 23. Hes already got one child a beautiful little girl whos 1 and a half. But lately I find myself wanting one of my own more and more. One who can call me momma. Her mother ...
A. 19 January 2020: If I have ever heard a bad reason for wanting a child, " I want the title of mom " is that.
What you say is absurd. Ok, I guess you feel what you feel and you have no choice in that- but one does not necessary have to act on all their feelings , im... (read in full...)
My live in boyfriend is allergic to my cats.
Q. Hello and thank you for any advice and opinions. I have a beautiful family of 5. My bf 3 cats ( midnight, xena, and princess) and a dog ( max). I have had my first cat midnight for about 4 years, my cat xena for about 3 years, my cats pri...
A. 18 January 2020: Oh sure- the guy did not pop the question , so he deserves to feel sick, cough blood and die suffocated in his sleep ! Actually, since we are at it,- let's have him hanged, drawn and quartered ! that will teach him !
( Btw : has anybody noti... (read in full...)
My live in boyfriend is allergic to my cats.
Q. Hello and thank you for any advice and opinions. I have a beautiful family of 5. My bf 3 cats ( midnight, xena, and princess) and a dog ( max). I have had my first cat midnight for about 4 years, my cat xena for about 3 years, my cats pri...
A. 17 January 2020: I think before deciding , he should see a good allergologist and have tests done ( blood tests like PRIST and RAST , and/ or prick-test on skin ) to see if it's really cats he is allergic to , and up to which level. Often cats get blamed as the ... (read in full...)
My FWB partner now wants to get serious with me but I turned them down
Q. Hi So I met a friend with benefits last summer, we both agreed we wanted nothing serious and were free to meet other people if we wanted to. We both really didn't want anything serious so this worked fine for us. As some time passed, i felt ...
A. 16 January 2020: @YouWish : yeah for the life of me I can't get this pronoun thing.. Non just in this post , in others too.
I mean, the poster meets " a " person, in this case " a " friend with benefits... so just one . " A " = one person.
Then , from the... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I loaned my b/f money because I wanted to help him?
Q. Hello everyone. I need help figuring out something. My boyfriend and I both in early 40s. He has a full time job, teaches at a university but financially in trouble because of divorce and some business investments. He has a potential as he is an ...
A. 16 January 2020: The bottom line, as other posters have said, is that this is your money and you can do whatever you want with it, even burning it on a bonfire- and you don't need anybody's permission, approval or even opinion. BUT… you DIID ask for opinions, so ... (read in full...)
My foster child refuses to attend school.
Q. I have a 10 year old foster child who refuses to got school. I work in the day and cannot leave the child home alone. The foster care agency I am with allows youths to refuse school at any age. I don’t want to give her back she’s a sweet c...
A. 9 January 2020: Of course this is total BS !- and can only have been written by someone who hasn't got a clue about how the school system, and the foster care system, really work in USA.
No legitimate foster agency would just so nonchalantly advise you to l... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a woman calls a man "doll"
Q. Can someone help me understand the meaning of the world "doll"? I am not a native English speaker. My grammar is good but I have trouble understanding some slang. Maybe someone here can help me. When I was backpacking in Australia not long ago, I ...
A. 8 January 2020: Now I am curios, I must hang out with some Australian ASAP; how do they make "doll " sound like " darl(ing) " ? The two words sounds nothing like similar at all ! - ( both with an English pronunciation and an American-English one ; I just ... (read in full...)
My husband acted like he didn't care, so I left him.
Q. I am hurting deeply. My husband of 6 years has a barber and beauty salon on the same compound of his mother's home. I work 12pm-9pm and my parents helps with our three children. My husband usually leaves his place of work at a reasonable time to go ...
A. 7 January 2020: Some time ago we had a lady with 3 kids, and a barber husband ,writing to us. Her problem were :that the barber was basically living off her , because that little he earned he did not use it for the family bills, plus he was a cheater, with ... (read in full...)
Is my wife developing a violent streak?
Q. My wife threw a glass at my head during a petty argument. I’ve never known her to have a violent streak in her before. Should I be worried? On Saturday I was stripping the kitchen ceiling ready for it to be redecorated in a few weeks and when m...
A. 7 January 2020: Sorry, OP, I realize this is a serious issue... but I could not help chuckling a little. Oh so you start stripping a ceiling without putting any protection over the kitchen tops and furniture below ( gosh, who does that ?! ) ... but it's OK ... (read in full...)
I like to sleep naked. Is there any concerns I should have?
Q. I enjoy sleeping completely naked. Is there any concerns I should have? I keep my bedroom window covered up and I know not to near my front windows without putting clothes on. So there is no chances of my neighbors accidentally seeing me naked....
A. 7 January 2020: No concern; some doctors actually opine that sleeping naked is healthier.
Only remember to keep your bed sheets sanitary , clean and dust-mite free ( dust mites eat dead skin cells) , by changing them often,- more so than if you wore P.J.s or unde... (read in full...)
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