A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello and thanks!Me and my husband have been together almost 3 years. Before our marriage he was mind, sweet, loving. He seemed to be the most charming man I've ever met. He would look after me if I was sick, once I passed out from heat exhaustion and woke up with him blowing into my mouth ( he thought I needed cpr)My marriage has become strained. Its like he changed completely. He is moody, impatient, belittles me. Yells at me, his temper is quick and if he isnt yelling then hes ignoring. I try to talk to him but it's like talking to a wall. No matter what I say or how I say it he finds fault. Hes demanding and wants things yet doesnt work for those things. He only works part time. I work full time and pay the bills. He likes expensive clothes, best cell phones, pricey jewelry. Nothing I do is ever good enough. He spends his money then expects to use mine. I feel more like a mom supporting a child then a wife sometimes. Any advice please?
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (17 August 2019):
 Your husband hit gold when he hit on you, didn't he? What a lucky man. I don't blame him for doing what he is doing because YOU are enabling him.
You already KNOW what the answer is. Why do you keep asking the same question (slightly differently) over and over? Are you expecting different answers? Are you expecting someone to come up with a magic answer how to change your husband back to the fake he was before you agreed to marry him?
You are an adult. Time to grow up and acknowledge you were fooled by a charming user. There is no shame in being fooled once but being fooled day-in day-out by the same man is just stupid.
I guess we'll be hearing from you in another few weeks with the same question? Speak soon.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2019): Much like the others I am picking-up the possibility you were duped into marriage. I think some details weren't included about how you met and where he's from; so as not to get a chorus of "ah-ha!" He sweet-talked you, he was lovey-dovey, and he realized you took the bait. Once married, he became himself. He revealed his true-nature.
There's an untold back-story. His origin and background was obscured by his ability to become a character tailored to your imaginary criteria. The whole three years he studied what you wanted in a man, and he portrayed that character. You melted in his hands.
Now you can see the devil he truly is!
The wolf in sheep's clothing often gets the girl. That's because many women are in too much of a hurry to get married; so they ignore red-flags, and overlook serious deal-breakers; feeling their love will change him. Only reality doesn't dissipate or evaporate into the ozone, just because you choose to live in-denial. It just waits until it has an opportunity to penetrate our hard-heads! As Shakespeare wrote in the "Merchant of Venice": "the truth will out!"
He doesn't work full-time, because you're his financial-security. Your description of his taste in the finer things, that he himself can't afford, is an indication you're the sugar-mama that made it all possible for him to make his way to you. This surely smells of one of those online-overseas imported-husband scams.
There is a remedy. Divorce! Which may come at a price. Unless you get a good lawyer, he's getting half of your assets. If he didn't sign a prenuptial-agreement; the divorce laws of your state apply. If your husband is a foreign national, get a lawyer who specializes in that kind of divorce. You'll fare better when it comes down to matrimonial property division. It's easier to get yourself into this kind of mess, than to get out.
I wish you the best, my dear!
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (16 August 2019):
 Honestly OP you sound like one of the women on the reality show 90 day fiance. The guy lives overseas, manages to reel the woman in and all he wants is a green card but because he sweet talk the woman she thinks he means it when he says he loves her. Everyone else can see what is going on but she is blinded by "true love". I admit I watch the show but I always feel really sad for the people who wind up spending thousands of dollars and get really hurt before they "wake up".
You have posted this question time and time again and yet you still continue to write in and ask what should you do? Why don't you stop wasting your time, take off the rose colored glasses and see this "marriage" for what it is? Do you think if you write in every week that you are going to get different answers? You aren't. Wake up and smell the coffee madam. You're married to a swindler, a liar and he will bleed you till you have nothing left if you let him.
Take our advice and get rid of the man.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (16 August 2019):
 Bait and switch, is what they call it.
He played a "character" or had on a pleasant facade while you were dating and ONCE you said I do, he decided to JUST be himself. He thought you would STAY with him, because marriage MATTERS to you.
He isn't going to change, he isn't going to be financially smart (especially with YOUR income) because you LET him get away with using you as a cash-cow or ATM.
I also question if he is from a VERY different culture than your own. ( not that you couldn't run into an American man who is happy to mooch of his wife, but in general what kind of MAN wants all these shiny things but doesn't want to work for them?
Honestly? You sound like his "sugar-momma" not his wife.
If I were you. BEFORE he gets you DEEP in debt, I'd MAKE sure that he has taken NO credit-cards out in YOUR name and I'd file for divorce.
He might HAVE been sweet. But this is NOT going to change and you will end up with NOTHING to show for ALL your hard work. Nothing.
...............................
A
male
reader, SadMan76  +, writes (16 August 2019):
My fear is that you have discovered the real him. People can wear a mask for a few years.
Was he pushing for the marriage?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2019): As I read this, I thought 'how many times are you going to re-phrase this question before you pull yourself together and throw the mooch out on his rear?'.
You have your answer OP but sadly I fear it will be a long time before you turf him out.
Same time next week?! Refer to answer above.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 August 2019):
 Well, OP, the advice is always the same you already got from many of us Aunts and Uncles- because aldo the situation is alweays the same , has not changed and it's not going to change. The advice is : disentangle yourself. Get a divorce, get rid of your mooching husband ( and consult a lawyer first to make sure you can do that in the less financially damaging way for you that is possible ).
Isn't this the same African husband from some very poor African country ( where you got your heat stroke while visiting him ? ) He is young, has no money, no assets , no job ( or half a job )- but very expensive tastes and a penchant for the good life. Which makes you, or some other lonely , financially secure , kind hearted lady from the Western world a prime target for his designs, THE ultimate sitting duck. He was nice and charming because he had to reel you in, now he reeled you in and he does not need to be kind and charming anymore, he can let his real greedy self come out.
...............................
|
