A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok here goes,im worried about asking this question to my friends as im frightened of there reaction.Three years ago i had an affair with a married man,i was married too and not long given birth,my husband was an alcoholic,i was suffering with postnatal depression and he was there for me,and we were in love,we were going to run away together,so to speak,after 3 months my husband found out and i ended it.Scince then my husband ran off with another woman and left me on my own with two children.There isnt a day goes by that i dont regret my decision,i loved this other man and only gave him up to spare other peoples feelings,i think about him all the time,as far as i no hes still married and has 2 children.So DO I TRY TO CONTACT HIM ? or do i leave alone ? and have i missed my chance of happiness ?
View related questions:
affair, alcoholic, married man Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): Having been in a similar situation, my advice to you is this: forget about the married man. He only seems wonderful right now because you can't be with him. If he dumped his wife and kids and chose you, soon you would be picking his flaws and wonder what you ever saw in him, especially when he starts looking at other women now that it's not so perfect at home...secondly, men are like buses. If you miss the first, the second, or even the third, guaranteed there will be another. The trick is to stop looking over your shoulder at the bus just gone by and focus on catching the next one that's going the same place as you. If you're only focussed on the married guy, you won't notice all the great un-married guys who will treat you properly. Once you meet the right one, married guy won't seem so perfect anymore.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2009): Well if your idea of happines is to have affairs with married men the I'm sire you will get another crack at whip, plenty married men out there who will be more than happy to have a bit on the side and have another life with there wife, stay forever and use woman who are more than stupid enough to allow themselves to be used.Plenty of decent single men out there to pick from out there,someone who may love you warts and all, but if you like playing second fiddle and trying to re-kindle a flame that was extuingesed 3 years ago, then I say go for it and see if you reap what you sow.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (21 August 2009):
 You already know the answer...
You had an affair because your husband was alcoholic. You have had two children by this man, but still, you take no responsibility for marrying an alcoholic or making poor choices for the two children that you have. Now, because this alcoholic has left you, you think that it would be a good idea to contact this other married man, who also has two children. How many lives are going to be jeopardized by you NOT making good choices?
You should do the right thing and stay away from the weak, cheating man that you had an affair with. Start getting your OWN life and stop expecting men to rescue you from tragedies of your own making by growing up and making better choices for yourself and your babies. Start planning on HOW you are going to taking care of business, and plan out how to become an independent, mature and responsible Mom. Once you ARE, then you can date with discretion until you meet a man who is responsible enough to introduce him to you children.
...............................
A
female
reader, imogen1068 +, writes (21 August 2009):
 if hes married with 2 children i dont think you should contact him, it would mean your destroying his family and think about his 2 kids. just because your husband has left you, you still have a chance of happiness, you could meet someone new, just get out there more and maybe someone special will come along xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (20 August 2009):
 Contact him...If you think he will make you happy, and if you think he feels the same. What's the point in being in a marriage if you're not happy? You can't live your life trying to please everyone else...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): missed your chance at happiness.......with who, someone elses man. HE IS STILL MARRIED. LEAVE HIM ALONE. another woman wrecked your home, now you want to do the same . you lack common sense or is it morals.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): Everyone is going to say "No dont be horrible hes happy!"I Say GO FOR IT!!Every woman for themselves
...............................
A
male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (20 August 2009):
 My answer will not be popular with some however I would contact the guy again. You need to find out if you can make something good happen for you both. If it does not work out, or he does not leave his wife, then at least you tried and know that it was not meant to be. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): please leave this married man alone.you messed up once, don't even think of interfering in his marriage again. just becasue you hb now did the dirty on you, do not be selfish and traumatise the other family again. you are afraid to discuss you meddling again with this married man with friends because you know that they would be disgusted (again) with what you are contemplating. you know it is wrong, so why do it. don't be a homewrecker, you once were almost one. allow this man to be there for his wife and kids. they are a family and you are being utterly utterly selfish and conniving to contact this man agin. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. you can have a pity party for yourself or you can do the honorable thing and leave well alone. this man was not yours to start with. he belonged with his wife. you were the 3rd party in his marriage. he is still married. tells you something, doesn't it. please just move on ALNOE and have some self respect. you used excuses the first time to justify your affair, now you deliberately want to cause more unhappiness and betrayal. what are you a sucker for punishment? if you just want to be a f*ck on the side, then go ahead and destroy the very little self esteem you possess. think about your child. do not sow deceit. this is what you will get in reward. please leave this married man, his wife, and their 2 kids alone. they are a family and you should not interfere. i am sorry your hb ran off with another woman but this does not give you any right to mess with another womans home. you are lonely, i understand that. keep busy and invest in yourself. but steer clear from this man. he is still married and this tells you that he is committed to his wife and kids. please do the right thing, you have been devastated yourself with your hb leaving you, do not compound all this with stealing this womans hbs. you did not succeed the first time. stop now before you go down the path of pain and untold misery. you are just looking for some love and affection now that your bed is cold again. try loving yourself first and healing from the breakdown of your own marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, bouncer  +, writes (20 August 2009):
Leave that man alone he was never yours in the first place. He is a married man with children so think of them and not just YOURSELF.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2009): The issue I find with some parts of humanity is that there is no basic common sense of personal justice. Often times, when a person is in an unhappy marriage, they may commit adultery. Why don't they leave their unhappy marriage? Possibly due to: wanting that security, needing that anchor in case their lover outside doesn't live up to promises, enjoy the family aspect but seeks delicious sex and/or passionate friendship elsewhere. However, though I can recognize these reasons, I have trouble accepting such things like: "or do i leave alone and have i missed my chance of happiness?"Rhetoric: Why does it have to be THAT married man?For example, I 'gave up' a large part of my life to help secure the welfare of my family at the expense of my own complete happiness. I balance out what I desire with what keeps them safe. Happiness is important, but people so often look only at their own happiness. What about the happiness of others?In this scenario, is this married man going to leave his marriage to be with you or are you going to be the mistress on the side? Do not say you do not know. It is no wonder that humanity continues to spiral downward in personal justice. ALL of us, each and every person on this planet with some form of social sensibility knows what to do. All we have to do is think with a little more depth. You're in your twenties. The planet has over 6.5 billion humans. Why does it have to be that married man?
...............................
|
