A
male
age
26-29,
*hisisme17
writes:This question is not really a screaming for help, but most likely is just for own purpose, I just want to know other opinions. Since my 'career' in dating started, I woke up and realized that girls, lost their virgins younger than ever. I mean, from all the girls I dated, none was virgin. And I hate that. So my question is, why girls don't prefer the right guy and instead they just do it for the first time like it's just a walk to the local store and back. And the age when they aren't virgins anymore is like 16-17 and at it's best 18. So why? I'm just wondering, why would you offer yourself so easy to a guy who, today, might fight and be sweet only for that. I just don't get it. If my grandma and grandpa were 'making love' now they just have rough sex. I'm not full of myself, but to be honest I would prefer a virgin girl. And that makes my job to find the right person harder.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I think you are hurt by your experience. Virgin or not, you will still be able to find that special one. A person who enjoys rough sex can also appreciate gentle love making. Don't let that girl bring you down. I think the problem is that your pressure to lose virginity caused you to act before thinking, before you were sure that girl was right for you. You have to separate the issue of virginity and true love. There are mean virgins out there and nice experienced girls.
My opinion is that girls and boys are presexualized because they watch too much MTV videos. Nowadays those videos are just ridiculous.
I don't think a 16 year old can truly understand what true love means, and I don't expect you to either. At the same time I don't think sex is to be blamed for the lack of love. I imagine it's very possible for two young people to fall in love at the same time after sex, but in your case your girl played you, or you never talked about where you stood, and you can't assume all the girls who have early sex are going to do this to you; at the same time you can't assume a virgin is not able to play games either and that you must be safe with one.
A
male
reader, thisisme17 +, writes (1 September 2012):
thisisme17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel and need to apologize for my childish reactions and I feel grateful you all answered on this question and gave a bit of your precious time to actually think and give an answer. It's just weird and sometimes I understand wrong, seeing that english isn't my mother language, I might understand sometimes wrong or in a different way that the writer actually meant to say. YouWish, I wasn't saying that only girls at 15 are the problem, in my last answer, I also mentioned that that's a guy's problems too. It's a problem from both genders, male and females, losing virginity too young for me, I repeat myself, it's my opinion, it's just too much. For me, at least in my way of viewing this world, an age in which teenagers should lose their virginity is 17-18 and not 14-15. And I didn't mean to say that I would only love a virgin girl because she's better than a non-virgin one, I just said that's an option preference, cause I can't choose with who I will fall in love with, and I won't love that person less or more depending on such things.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 August 2012):
 I read your response.
Are you saying that if boys want sex at 15, it's right because all guys are after it and it's just the way it is, but if a girl just wants sex at 15, it's wrong??
You know, guys have been trying to tell us this for the past thousands of years, and it's only recently we're saying "nope!".
15 is too young for anyone to have sex, but women get sexual urges too! Guys simply haven't been subjected to the social pressures of staying chaste that women do.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (31 August 2012):
Stop being so silly. This is a war? Nope, it’s a debate between yourself, an intelligent-sounding young person, and other like-minded, intelligent people who wish to share their thoughts on the interesting discussion you started. Now, it’s not that I believe you were attacking the opposite sex, but you go on at length about how you can’t compare guys and girls and therefore suggest that there is indeed a difference. In your question,, you focussed on girls so the responses did likewise, and you talked about your preference for a virgin girl, which we also expressed our opinions on. Declaring some kind of “war” on a group of people who voluntarily give up their time to help others, particularly when you asked for opinions, is at best childish and at worst rude and ungrateful. It always makes me laugh that people dislike our answers so much yet apparently think enough of them to keep posting follow-ups. I think that we’re all guilty of generalising to some extent, but you do make some wild and sweeping claims here and where you’re disagreeing with the rest of us is in the fact that there are lots of exceptions to any rule, whereas you dismiss these as insignificant. You can’t honestly say that no man would deny a chance, or that no girl would do this or that. People just don’t work like that. What we see now is, as you say, a lot of pressure on young people and virgins do often (though again far from always) tend to feel really anxious about it after a certain age, you only need to look at the number of virginity questions we get on this site to see that. But I still think that even if we can get some kind of idea of where social attitudes stand now compared with the past, we still can’t start making grand statements about all guys or girls because of that.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2012): OP. If your age is correct, you have yet to experience the full range of women that are out there. And by experience, I don't mean seducing them.
If you were to be directly compared to another man, you would say I am nothing like him. Nor am I like any other man in the world. You would also apply this thinking to most of your male friend's and co-workers etc. They are all drastically different.
It's because these are people you know.
When you have become acquainted with more women, you will come to know that women are as different from one another as any man.
After you get to know them.
Quit trying to file things in some self imposed rule of order.
There are trends that reflect cultural and socioeconomic influences, but making such broad statements based solely on gender is a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 August 2012):
 This is not a war, but an exchange of ideas, which is what you were looking for.
I understand you are not targeting girls. I do not feel targeted, nor am I targeting you. Disagreeing with you, yes, but not targeting.
Your solution to a common problems seems to lie solely with the girls. I merely pointed out that that approach has been and is being tried in some places with varying degress of disastrous results.
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male
reader, thisisme17 +, writes (31 August 2012):
thisisme17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis just became a war. Now, with my last answer on this question who obviously a few only understood and with this goes my biggest appreciation to Karlos, I want to say that this wasn't an attack and the opposite sex gender at all. But you should wake up at reality, we are surrounded by teenagers who from early years they just want to get laid. And I know that, cause I am one. So don't come here with special cases in which 'the X guy or X guy waited for me' or whatever. When the majority of guys wants to get laid with a hot girl, then it means that guys want to have sex. Of course, if there are sentiments involved too, that's other story. But that's the main thing. When you're virgin, everyone pressures you to get laid, what are you waiting for and those stuffs even if you're only 15 or 16. I'm not judging girls only, I also go for boys. There is a huge amount of boys who loses their virginity too at young ages too. This is a problem who considers both genders. And as a reply to every girl who posted here without even considering what's going on in the world and not in their own yard, YES, girls need sex too, I'm alright with that. But GIRLS who need SEX at 15 is WRONG. Same for guys. In my opinion, everyone should wait at least until 17, or even more to have sex. And if they really need sex, don't mistake them with love. SEX isn't LOVE. Love is a complexity of feelings, emotions, living dreams and all that stuff while sex is simply stick and hole thing. Anyway, as this is my last answer, cause obviously there's no understanding, I just want to say that sex, nowadays, is a priority for the majority of humans. (don't come at me with 'my boyfriend doesn't want sex blah blah' cause I don't care, he's 1, there are still billions of mens left) and sex as a priority is wrong. Love comes first, always, and love is more powerful than sex (that was proved).Another thing, I wasn't talking here about the girls who have sex with a guy and then after 5 years they are still with that guy, I was talking about the girls who have sex with a guy and in 2 months she has sex with someone else. All the best.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (31 August 2012):
Heh. I was my husband's first, and it was him who insisted that we wait until marriage. He was the one who resisted temptation when we started steaming up the windows. He was the one who said no. Did that mean he had a low sex drive or was in any way less of a man? No way. When we got married, our favorite thing on our honeymoon was staying indoors, getting caught skinnydipping by another couple with the same idea in mind, and pretty much making up for lost time and having a blast doing it. But you can't begin to tell me that a guy is a slave to his sexual impulses, because I've seen otherwise.
You can't SAY that it's all on a woman because guys have no control. You can't say that a woman should stay a virgin while guys can go have sex and it's understood that the woman who couldn't say no to him is somehow in the wrong for not saying no.
It's a choice. If a woman wants to enjoy her sexual appetite, it's just as okay as when a guy does it. It's not right when it's put on the woman to always say no because the guy can't help it. It's not right for a guy to say "Where are all the virgins" when they maintain the belief that a guy must get all the sex he can handle. Who do you think he has this sex WITH??!?
I utterly reject the notion that a woman who wants to go out and have sex and enjoy their sexuality is in any way diminished. If a man isn't diminished when he chases women, it should be the same for a woman. Otherwise, if a guy wants a chaste woman who saves her sexuality for only him, he better back up that desire with his own matching discipline in that regard. Do you think we women aren't as sexual?! Think again! Maybe in our parents' and grandparents' generations, women were taught that wanting sex was shameful and dirty, but we know better now.
Bet you didn't know this, but way back when a hundred years ago, while they were still shaming all women who had sex drives, psychiatrists used to "treat" women in "hysterics" with vibrators! Don't believe me??? Look it up! It's a really fascinating read, and indicative of the fact that women have sex drives too.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 August 2012):
My intent there was not to be facetious but to use humour to illustrate my point.
Your recommendation, as I've understood it, is for society to accept that men are men and place all of the burden for maintaining social decorum on the woman.
We tried that and it didn't work. Besides, it doesn't make sense. If men aren't rational enough and self disciplined to moderate their own behaviour then they should not be the head of a household, a company or a country. In fact they shouldn't be allowed out of the house unless covered by a veil and escorted by a woman who IS rational and self disciplined...
There are other factors for sexual promiscuity that you have overlooked. The fear of unwanted pregnancy is no longer the deterant it once was thanks to the pill, state sponsored abortion and social welfare programs. Women stand to profit by producing more children they cannot support and men have easier access to hassle free sex which results in increased pressure on women to provide it.
For thousand and thousands of years men and women have been conditioned to believe that men were more important than women, that sex was a man's reward and a woman's duty. Clearly men haven't quite grasped the error of this philosophy so don't be surprised that women haven't either. Don't expect us to have mastered it in 40 years. Please be patient while we figure out what we want and don't want and learn to speak up for it. And don't burden us with additional responsibilities. We have enough on our plates.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (31 August 2012):
The Taliban and others of their ilk tend to agree with you which is why the women in their neck of the woods aren't allowed to leave their homes unless they're concealed in a blanket and escorted by a male relative.
Flirting with a boy, sometimes even just saying 'hello' to one is a crime punishable by death in some of these places (as are many other things).
On the plus side fewer people there have AIDS and there are far fewer teenage pregnancies.
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A
male
reader, thisisme17 +, writes (31 August 2012):
thisisme17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't say I'm an angel on Earth. And I never said GUYS aren't part of this problem either. But you can no way compare GUYS with GIRLS. The girl is the beauty, the affective creature, gentle and so on. The guy, is the beast, the strong, the protective one. If you say the guys aren't sex maniacs, then it means you're creating your own world. Every single guy on earth WON'T deny a chance to have sex. He doesn't give a penny on his virginity or something like that, so the last defence comes to the GIRL. And a girl shouldn't offer yourself so easy, and believe me, every single day I hear and see girls who practically offer themselves, and that's the majority of girls. Nowadays, girls and guys lose their virginity too soon. If you watch back in time, there weren't as many pregnant girls who are really young like it's now, and believe me, guys weren't different back then when it came to sex. Apart from different mentality and cooler pants, nothing changed to man since then. And yeah, I lost my virginity. But I never said losing virginity when you're young is a problem, I said losing virginity with the wrong person is a problem. And yeah, I lost my virginity, but that girl after we had sex, the next days she left. And she was 15 and wasn't virgin when we had sex. So short story: if the guys don't really give a fuck about their virginity and believe me, they would stick their dicks in every hole where it's warm, cause that's our nature and you can't deny that, then the girls should be the ones who are more defensive when it comes to this and not simply surrender under pressure.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2012): Ugh, just listen to yourself! You're moaning and moping about how there aren't any "virgin" girls! Well, what about you? You said that boys are born to be complete jerks etc. etc. Double standard, much? Most girls wouldn't ever want to hear that their virginity or lack of it makes them "different".And as for the lack of virgins, well, the media keeps "glamorizing" it. And apparently if you're a girl and a virgin, you must be either ugly or psycho. However, you needn't think that there are NO virgins in the world... I myself am a 17 year old virgin and some of my friends (both girls AND GUYS) are still virgins themselves. But seriously, dude. You lost your virginity and now you're complaining about how girls don't have theirs? Girls make mistakes, too, you know!
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 August 2012):
See, you just lost me. You learned something about yourself when you lost your virginity, and now you know that you value sex more than simply an animalistic stick vs. hole.
But you, by saying "boys are born to be assholes and stick their ... in any hole." play right into the culture you are simultaneously frustrated with. Boys are NOT born to be sex maniacs. MEN are born to be disciplined and valuing of sex just as much as women are. Men can make the choice to say no. Men can make the choice to not run around chasing every skirt they can find while devaluing women who choose to do the same.
You losing your virginity and then wanting a woman who has saved "something special" for you is hypocrisy. Virginity is not some shrink-wrap you take off of something new. A woman who isn't a virgin is just as valuable as one who is.
You're also dead wrong about it always being the WOMEN who say when. Where are the men who stand up and take control of their own impulses? There are many who do. I've seen cultures where men wouldn't dream of running after every woman in creation, but discipline their minds and bodies.
If you don't like the casual sex culture, you have to be the change, and not merely eagerly embrace it, cast your own virginity aside, and then expect that a woman you date should save hers. You should leave room in your heart for a woman who has had the same journey of the heart as you, and if this is a performance anxiety thing where you worry she'll compare you to someone else sexually, it's time to deal with it and have confidence.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): I agree, its not just a teenage girl and virginity thing, its a casual sex thing. Females can't lose their virginity on their own, so for every girl casually losing her virginity, there's a guy casually taking it from her.
I do think far too many underage girls casually lose their virginity these days though. But then again, they're exposed to it. All they see and hear about is sex almost everywhere today, and how "Great" it is and all the rest of it. And girls below the age of 16 are very impressionable, so I can see why wanting to lose their virginity and experience sex would seem glamorous to them.
Also boys too, but for the sake of this post the subject is girls.
Although I don't approve of underage sex, for the sake of preventing me going mad and waging a protest against underage sex at parliaments door (For the british at least), I'd like to think most of the underage people losing their virginity, are losing it mutually to someone else of the same or close enough to the same age as themselves, and NOT dirty older creeps just out to deflower an underage impressionable person for the sake of an ego boost or trophy purpose.
I personally think if people have to be adults to buy cigarettes and alcohol, drink in pubs, bars & nightclubs, and drive (and generally everything else adults do), the legal age for sex should be brought back to at least 18 years of age. And anyone caught scandaling the fence should be made to face legal consequences.
I could go and say a lot more on this subject, but I think I ought to reserve so page space for other posters lol.
So that is my opinion.
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A
male
reader, thisisme17 +, writes (29 August 2012):
thisisme17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I'm not but I regret I did that. I was fool and believed that you know, stupid things, that me and the girl would have lived together forever, but after that we broke up so..and I hate having sex without loving the person. And I hate that nowadays if you are virgin people see you as weird or something. Where's the weirdness to be virgin when you're 16 years old for example? I never said that guys don't do it or whatever. I never said guys don't do it or if a girl has frequent meaningless sex means she's worse than a virgin one, but a virgin one (at least for me) means that the girl wants something special, she's more confident and she's not so STARVING for sex like some girls do. Boys, well boys are born to be assholes and stick their ... in any hole. Sorry for my language. But the girl should be the one who decides WHEN.
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reader, DoubleM +, writes (29 August 2012):
 In America, I think the looser attitudes about sex began after the big war, but then there was the 1920s as well. But in my personal experience, sex became really widespread during the 1960s - and into the 70s and beyond. I'll agree that finding a virgin girl these days must be very difficult - but I have no answers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2012): You sound exactly like I did at that age. What it boiled down to was that I was petrified at the prospect of all that nakedness in close proximity to a woman.
I wasn't comfortable showering after gym class.
And I am supposed to maul some girl in the back seat of a car.
It'll all make sense in due time.
If you want it you can get it.
If you don't
you can wait.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 Solid post man. Perhaps ur facing pressure? Honestly i held back n shouldnt have. Shoulda lost it in my teens when my emotions werent as developed as they are now. If u have no problem attracting unlike me at ur age then man id just get it done with to feel normal among ur peers. Waiting is a risk bc what if u get in a relationship n things dont work out? What if she frowns upon ur a virgin? Nowadays sexual experience shows sexual worth not to mention a great set of abs which im gonna get. Im not saying ur not worth anything youre young. Whatever u decide im not judgin as u know whats best for u. Just my pennies in here.
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reader, YouWish +, writes (29 August 2012):
Let me ask you this:
Are you a virgin?
I have no problem with a guy who prefers to date a virgin woman, PROVIDED that it's not to take "trophies" and gain an ego boost to deflower her.
I also think that a guy who insists on dating a virgin must also be one, or to me it feels like a huge double standard.
As for this sexual culture where hookups are more common than ever, I can't stand it. It's like babies playing with power tools. It's like giving alcohol to a 10 year old. It's risks that kids aren't old enough to assume. Pregnancy is something that financially and emotionally affects so many people outside the couple who thought nothing of having sex together for no simple reason except that it costs less than going to a movie.
Our culture here in the states places so much pressure on sex as a rite of passage for both guys and girls. Luckily, many people who enter into sex casually realize its ultimate emptiness as an end, and as they mature, their choice is more for love, and not hormones and opportunity.
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reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (29 August 2012):
You’re talking about a broader issue here: the popularity of casual sex. Let’s not put the blame solely at the door of young girls though: if they are indeed having casual sex, it means there are just as many guys out there willing to have casual sex with them. A lot of it is to do with the fact that the social stigma of more casual sexual relationships has reduced, I would suggest. I’ve never been convinced by anyone who tries to tell me that teenagers today are completely different to how their elders were in their teenage years, I think they are simply less constrained by social attitudes than were previous generations. Whether that’s a good thing or not is up to you really. My own view is that casual sex is not without emotionally damaging consequences further down the road, that comes from a good deal of experience advising on Dearcupid.
Really it’s a bit of a strange requirement to prefer a virgin girl, surely her personality and qualities as a person count more than whether she’s had sex or not? A girl who has had sex with one person in a past long-term relationship may well have similar attitudes to sex than a virgin. If a girl has frequent meaningless sex, maybe that is a different story. Same for guys, of course.
I wish you all the very best.
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