A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a terribly difficult situation. I have been teaching for 20 years and this is the first I’ve ever had this particular problem. There is a girl in one of my classes; she is very young, 14/15 years old, a child. Now I have had students have crushes on me before, nothing major or strange and it’s never caused too many problems. This girl is different. To put a finer point on it she is very pretty, and she knows this. I find myself attracted to her, I know it’s wrong but it’s not something I have any control over; I just know I am. I know nothing can happen, I have told her nothing can happen but she is unphased. It’s difficult for me because when we talk I forget she is a child, she looks older maybe 16/17 years old (I know that is no excuse) I have told her we cannot be alone, the more I deny and push her away the more forward she is. This morning, she came to me and asked about her work and as I explained it to her she put her hand on my thigh. We were in class and I was worried of making a scene but I moved her hand off and said no but she just smiled at me and said, “I know you like it. Don’t you?” She isn’t always like it, sometimes she is just friendly and professional, it comes out of the blue completely unexpected and then I don’t know how to deal with it. Before the summer, we were supposed to be having a conversation about some of her coursework and out of nowhere she said, “Those trousers are tight? Are they meant to be that tight? Are you hard?” I lost my temper and shouted at her, it made no difference whatsoever she just found it funny like it was some kind of game, which I think is what it is. The same day, I had to go into the store cupboard for something and she appeared in there, I told her she shouldn’t be in there she came up incredibly close pressed up against me and said, “It’s ok if you are hard. I’m not going to tell anyone.” Yes a part of me wants something to happen, but I know nothing should I know this is wrong, I have discussed it with her, we sat and she cried and told me she felt ‘worthless’ that nobody liked ‘her’ they were only interested in her looks, she says I’m only the one she can talk to. Usually when she does these strange things there is something the matter with her, e.g. her brother got arrested, her father got out of seeing her at the weekend like he was meant to. I feel terribly sorry for her when she tells me about those things. I don’t really know what to do, yes I should report it but then I feel as though I am violating the trust she has put in me, I don’t understand why she is behaving like this, I am flattered that she is attracted to me, I am worried if she carries on the way she is, there will come a time when I will just, give in. What do I do? What do I say? How do I deal with this?
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 September 2012):
 You are so being played and this will end your career. You should definately report her or find another job.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (5 September 2012):
Strange as this post is, I’ll answer it truthfully and honestly. This is very simple: you have to report this. The only way that you can be above suspicion is if you report this to some-one, and put it in writing. If an allegation is made, even if you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ll have to explain why you didn’t report such evidently inappropriate behaviour on this pupil’s part. What explanation will you give? The fact that you’re not thinking clearly isn’t going to cut the mustard. You’re putting your reputation and your career at serious risk, and for what? Some school girl with whom nothing should or will ever happen, who probably needs help anyway. Don’t kid yourself in to believing that you’ve got some kind of bond with this child that creates a dilemma of conscience here. If you think you have a choice in this matter over what to do you’re kidding yourself. Report it, and if you discuss it with your superior verbally follow it up with an email to that person confirming the points raised in the discussion and the outcomes of it.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): I think my point's valid too ppl lol ;)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 oh good point and look at this: " that nobody liked ‘her’ "
why would an adult male put "her" in quotes...
yeppers... we got played.
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (5 September 2012):
You need to report her behavior to the guidance counselor and your school's resource officer (if you have one).
This girl's behavior is a sign that she has probably been sexually ABUSED. Do something before you become an abuser yourself.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Interesting point, anonymous, about it being the child writing. I suspect that if it is the child, we won't have a followup because she won't be able to sustain the fiction.
If it is the teacher, the best possible thing he could do is to delete this post asap as it could used in evidence against him, when the manure hits the fan.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): Honestly, this sounds like the student in the situation posing as her teacher asking the question. Just reading the grammar and structure of the post makes it obvious that no middle-aged man, a teacher no less, would write this way. I think it's a student looking for comments about how much this teacher is "obviously" attracted to a young girl. Sad and a waste of time.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 September 2012):
Upon reading this post again, I have decided that you definitely need to be checked out by a doctor. Being able to handle schoolgirl crushes for 20 years and then not having the clarity of thought and sharpness of mind to deal with a persistent one? The trousers being tight perhaps show that you've gained weight? Perhaps there are other physical symptoms which you haven't paired with your loss of clear thinking, but that would point to a physical issue.
A friend of mine had a low testosterone situation and he had to be diagnosed by a doctor; he thought he had developed depression but it was a hormonal imbalance. Easily corrected and he's back to feeling great again. I think he's regained his mental acuity. He certainly seems to feel better.
Report her conduct to the appropriate parties at school, she needs help herself if she has family problems. You are not her counselor, nor is it sensible for you to act in that role as she's been inappropriate with you, and your reasoning skills aren't up to par to provide any sort of real help to her. You may be doing her a huge favor by reporting her conduct, though it may not feel that way to her at this time.
And definitely get yourself checked out ASAP; this may be a signal of something else going on in your brain and body, that you can't manage to sort this out, after 20 years of teaching. Very puzzling and concerning that a veteran teacher can't handle a basic issue like this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): I am someone who works in a UK school. By not reporting this incident to a designated Child Protection Officer or the Headteacher you are colluding with this child. This is made quite clear in child protection training which every staff member will have attended in any UK school. To collude with this child as you are doing so is an offence of gross misconduct against your position. You would have started off being the victim but now you are just a guilty a party in this situation as the student. As this has gone on for so long, it is obvious that you are attracted to this student and you have let your personal feelings cloud your judgement. Unfortunatley I feel as a colleague in a UK school that you will be unable to get out of this situation unless either yourself or this student leaves the school. My advice to you is, write your resignation this evening and hand it into the headteacher tommorrow morning. I then suggest you take a career break to understand what is causing you to react like this towards students in your care. You may think that your colleagues haven't noticed but you might be surprised to find out suspicions may have already been aroused. If this is investigated you WILL face a Police investigation and you WILL loose your job even if you are not convicted. GET OUT WHILE YOU CAN, IF I FIND OUT YOU WORK IN MY SCHOOL I WILL REPORT YOU AND PRINT OFF THIS POST.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 September 2012):
 I would report it and have her moved from your class.
I understand that you may not be able to control your body's reactions, but you need to ensure that you are not alone with her AT ALL. You can ALWAYS walk away, you know.
She isn't worried about you potentially losing your job, she couldn't give a rats ass about that, since the thinks the world revolve around her.
You need to nip this in the bud.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 September 2012):
You've been teaching for 20 years and have no idea how to deal with this? Really? I'd say it's time for you to look at taking early retirement.
Go to your supervising principal and the school counselor today and make an official report. I'm not sure they are kind enough to fund the pensions of teachers dismissed and prosecuted for inappropriate sexual contact. Time to document, report and distance.
Pretty basic for a 20 year veteran, one would think. Maybe you're simply in the wrong profession? Have you had a physical recently, are you under some sort of stress, are there other reasons your judgement and analytical capabilities are impaired? Time to turn to professional and collegial support systems now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): You do need to report her. You can get into a massive amount of trouble. Is she worth going to prison for? Be an upstanding citizen and do the right thing.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (5 September 2012):
 You need to get professional advice from someone who understands the teaching profession. Do you have a union rep or someone like that you can talk to in confidence?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 September 2012):
you need to report her. she's over the top.
can you request that she be transferred to a different class?
do you think telling her parents about it will help?
WHATEVER happens:
do NOT be alone with this child
keep it very professional with her
only give her instructions and comments related to work
practice the broken record technique with her and ANYTIME she says or does anything NOT related to work you say to her
"you are off topic please return to the class work topic"
and THAT is all you say to her other than class work stuff
over and over that's the ONLY response she gets
it takes a bit of time but it will work....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): To be honest, if you get some kind of arousal from a 14/15 year old school girl "hitting" on you, then you shouldn't be working around teens or children for that matter. Its unnatural for you to even think about anything happening between you two, let alone WANT something to happen!
Not very professional of you.
School girls get crushes on teachers all the time, its their hormones, you of all people should be aware of this.
Do you have children of this age or similar yourself sir?
If so you need to think how you would feel if a teacher had sexual thoughts about your daughter or son for that matter.
You're both playing a very dangerous game, and I'm not so sure you should report her because she may well turn it around on to you and say YOU have been the one secretly coming on to HER.
Maybe you should put in for a transfer to another part of the school or another school entirely.
The last thing you want is to be slandered and maybe even charged over a sexual offense you haven't committed. You will end up with your name on the sex offenders register, your career in ruins and even a prison sentence if things got that bad.
I think you need to take a look in the mirror too, and ask yourself why you are sexually attracted to a 14/15 year old teenager. Also whether or not you should lose your career, because I'd certainly feel uneasy to say the least about sending a teenager girl of mine to a school that had a teacher who finds underage teens sexually attractive.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (5 September 2012):
 This is a very tough situation.Yes you should report it. Something maybe deeper going on maybe she is throwing herself at you because maybe there is an abuse going on somewhere in the family and she feels that's all she is worthy of hence why she is throwing herself at you and being so forward for such a young girl.I appreciate she has confided in you but at the end of the day she could be leading you on in order to then have something happen and whose to say she isn't going to tell Police and the school you took advantage of her? As i say there could be an underlying reason she's doing this such as she could be being abused somewhere in her family and she's being the way she is because she feels that's all she is there to do.You need to report this because anything can happen and it can be your job on the line.Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (5 September 2012):
 I was a College Lecturer for 20 years and did occasionally come across this type of situation, but the golden rule is NEVER to be alone with a student. I was also responsible for the pastoral care of all my students and there were obviously times if there were sensitive issues to deal with that the presence of a colleague for confidential matters would have been awkward for the student, so my "witness" was a video camera to record the interview. In your case, do as "ImmortalPrincess" suggests and make it clear to this young lady that others are now aware of her behaviour and you will not tolerate it any longer. Declare it to your line manager first, to avoid her turning on you with accusations of inappropriate behaviour.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Absolutely you should report it, you have to protect yourself. You may also want to ask that she be moved into another class.
Do everything you can to minimize the amount of time you and her see each other.
This is a very dangerous situation. If she makes a claim of inappropriate behavior against you, it will not only ruin your teaching career, you could face charges.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): Report this immediately! I know u said ur attracted 2 her but u r n a professional position and if u give in to ur emotions u will destroy ur professional career. Don't throw it away 4 this little girl. Im not saying u will but we all know that the flesh is weak sometimes. Like I always say, u cant control who u fall for but u can definitely can control ur actions! Im not going 2 rag u 4 having feelings but I am most definitely asking u 2 please don't give in. U r well aware of all the scandal about student teacher relationships and u do know the repercussions of that. U will never recover from that. Please inform whatever powers that b to cover urself. Don't feel guilty about it. I rather feel guilt instead of career suicide. Please report this behavior and contol ur urges. Its not worth it! Best of luck!
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A
female
reader, Peonysheart +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Report her now before it's turned around on you.
Sounds like it's a game for attention, she knows she is pretty and at her age shes haveing fun useing this. Its unfortunate that she has the situations at home, however it is no excuse for her actions tworge you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 documentation of the fact may keep you out of prison if she were to report you as the aggressor so yes, report it better safe than sorry. unless you don't mind "bunking with bubba for 5 to 10
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