A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm concerned for my twin sister. She has a best friend and i can tell she loves her to pieces, she's the only best friend she's ever really had and so with her being her first ever best friend she loves her dearly, tells her everything (sometimes too much, i think) and treats her to presents randomly. However, her bestfriend doesn't treat her the way my sister treats her. Every time she's round my house she never looks like she is having fun or wants to be there. Also, the other week they had an argument, which is become frequent, she was calling my sister horrible things, that she only thinks about herself when in actual fact she thinks about her bestfriend more than herself as she buys her presents when it isn't even her birthday or any other special occasion. She really hurts and upsets my sister, to the point where all she does is sit in her room and cries over her. It's kind of upsetting me also as when i ask my sister whats wrong she replies 'nothing' or 'it doesn't matter' i hate how she can't tell me anything and it stresses me out. Any help please?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (3 September 2012):
If you know that they are having these arguments, when your sister dismisses her unhappiness as “nothing,” could you not gently ask whether it was over the argument? If she doesn’t want to talk about it, let her know that if she ever does want to discuss anything you’re always there for her. That leaves the door open to her and you can do no more but be available and willing to listen when she is ready to take you up on the offer. If she does open up at your prompting, just see how the conversation goes. Try and help her think through a resolution herself, and if you feel that the timing is right don’t be afraid to tell her if her friends behaviour was out of line. Does she have many other friends? It sounds like she may be too dependent on this one friendship and her friend knows it. Encourage her to work at other friendships she has and maybe include her in your own friendship circles some of the time to help her spend time with other people. If you go out, maybe you could invite her sometimes. Just think about how you could introduce her to people who might boost her confidence and reduce her reliance on a friend that may not value her as much as your sister values them. Having said that you must remember that all friends do argue so don’t be too critical of her best friend otherwise you’ll push her away and she’s shut down and not talk about things with you. Try to be subtle, and if you’re going to be judgmental about her friend, don’t be obvious about it.
I wish you all the very best.
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