A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:When we go out in public, my girlfriend has accused me several times of "ogling" and "lusting"at women, whether at a restaurant, grocery store, or while shopping. I am very perplexed, because I am truly a gentleman when I'm with her. I am very romantic, caring,and attentive to her needs. The times she has accused me of ogling, it just hit me from left field. I did not see it coming, and Ihave no idea why she thinks I'm ogling. An attractive woman might pass by, and I would glanceat her direction, but I do not stare or ogle. After the first time I was accused, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and have been extremelycareful about even giving the perception of staring or ogling. But it has not worked. When this happens, she gets extremely angry and feels very disrespected. I do not blame her if it's true. But I am absolutely certain that I'm in the right, unless for some reason, I am really ogling and not know it. I read something about compulsive ogling and how men do not even know they are doing it. HELP. Is she really insecure, jealous, and paranoid? Or do I have a compulsive problem. If I do, how do I overcome this? How can I make her see my point of view. I do love her very much. But we do have this issue I want to resolve soon. Thanks.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (25 August 2012):
IT’s likely that this is her insecurity. It is only human nature to find some people attractive and others not so attractive. Some-one may happen to catch your eye because of her attractiveness, that’s probably just as true for your girlfriend when she sees an attractive man. However, she should be able to understand that this isn’t important: if you treat her well, tell her that you love her and don’t give her any reason to suspect otherwise, it shouldn’t be an issue for her. The chances are, if you’re not staring and ogling intentionally, you’re not doing it at all. She, for some reason, feels threatened and fearful. You should try and get her to see how these accusations make you feel: talk with her, tell her how you feel, tell her that it’s her that you want and that however she interprets your eye movements, you are not staring or ogling. The reality is that you can’t spend your whole time looking at the floor in case a pretty woman walks past. Once you’ve given your girlfriend that reassurance and told her how unhappy these accusations make you, you then have the right to expect her to try and change her ways. If she doesn’t, this insecurity is a serious problem that’s going to take a deeper exploration to uncover its cause.
I wish you all the very best.
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