A
female
age
30-35,
*heeky Madam
writes:Help my dad has been diagnosed with border line sleep apnoea. My mom made him get checked out as he would stop breathing in the night. Now he has to wear a mask in bed for the rest of his life.My mom is upset and feels my dad hates her for it. She thinks she's ruined his life, as if he doesn't wear the mask they will take his licence away from him. It's also keeping him awake at night.How can I help fix this has anyone had this problem and solved it in another way, it's upsetting me seeing my mom like this when all she wanted to do was help. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (24 March 2013):
We’re talking about a very serious condition here which ultimately has significant negative effects on a sufferer’s health if it is not treated. In particular, it is associated with increased risk of heart disease, and high blood pressure which in turn can cause serious illness such as stroke. So it’s a good thing it is being managed, you can’t fix this because you can’t magically cure your Dad of this condition. You’re mother’s done him a huge favour in helping bring the fact that he has this condition to light. Why does she feel he hates her? Maybe he’s angry and irritable because he’s tired, perhaps because he isn’t sleeping, or because he’s struggling to come to terms with his diagnosis. Whilst that might be unfair, it might help her and you if you can understand this. Try talking to him when he is being reasonable. Tell him about your worries and how important it is that his condition is managed. Talking might help get you all on the same page.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 ... There's a reason why he has to wear the mask. How about you read up on why he has to wear it, and then remind your mother about this?
Also, how about asking your father how he feels about it all? Your mother couldn't FORCE your father go go get checked out, she didn't carry him there. He went on his own, and it's his life and his health at stake. So how does he feel about it?
My step-dad refused to go see a doctor when he got massive headaches. My mother tried to get him to see the doctor, but he didn't want to. Then finally he gave in, but the night before he was to see his doctor he died.
Your mother did a great job in getting her husband to see the doctor, because some men do need to be pushed there and don't realize that it could save their lives. My step-father might still have lived today if he'd only gone see his doctor.
So if it is crucial that he wears his mask, don't think it's because the doctor wants to mess up his sleep, or that he has to wear it because the doctor just wants to be cruel. The doctor wants him to wear it because it is necessary for him in order to stay alive.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 March 2013):
 sleep apnea (how we spell it here in the states) is life threatening... your mom saved your dad's life and his livelihood. if you have sleep apnea you stop breathing when you are alseep. that leads to heart attacks and strokes.
it can be hard to get used to the CPAP machines but they are critical for proper oxygen... once dad gets used to it, he will sleep better.
if the machine he has is not working, or the mask does not fit right he should talk to the doctor about trying different ones.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (24 March 2013):
 Your mother did the right thing.
His health will be compromised if he does NOT wear the mask. Get your father to read some facts and talk to his Doctor so he understands what a serious condition this really is.
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Sleep-apnoea/Pages/Introduction.aspx
http://www.patient.co.uk/health/obstructive-sleep-apnoea
If his mask is not fitting correctly then go back to where you purchased that mask and get him to try out a few other brands and find one that feels better.
IF he is a little overweight then he could also improve the situation if he lost a little weight.
The treatment will give him a better quality of life and fighting the needs for this illness will not help. Reassure your Mother that she acted out of Love for your father and if he has been diagnosed with sleep apnoea then it was very good that it has been picked up early.
If his mask does not fit well there are other solutions to ensure a perfect fit for the mask. You can purchase a variety of masks online. Does he use a CPAP machine? If yes there are some that allow a computer read-out that allows the Doctor to assess the quality of his sleep every night.
If he is still having real trouble then ask his Doctor to allow him an over-night stay in hospital where they can monitor him all night and help him make any adjustments that would make life more pleasant for him.
But NOT using the mask is not an option.
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