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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [215 pages, 8563 answers]

Is it weird to track your BF/GF's whereabouts on Find My Friends App on iPhone?

Q.   What does everybody think of tracking your boyfriend or girlfriend's whereabouts on the Find My Friends App on iPhone? Where you use GPS to know exactly where they are on a map (or where their phone is) at any given time throughout the day... unless ...

A.   18 June 2015:  Because he is not trying to be transparent. He is only tryng to appease you, to calm you down, to have some respite from your jealousy. So, he offers you the token gesture of making himself traceable, a gesture that gives you the illusion of ... (read in full...)

Is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date, after all these years?

Q.   So i have a question for all you women. If you accidentally run across an old acquaintance after nearly 10 years (who you really didn't talk to very much) is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date? This person was coincidental...

A.   17 June 2015:  Tbh, yes, I'd find it a little strange, after 10 years. But strange- in a good way, so to speak; even if I wasn't interested, I would find it flattering.So go for it, what's the worst that can happen ? that she says no thanks ? ... Life will go ... (read in full...)

Is it weird to track your BF/GF's whereabouts on Find My Friends App on iPhone?

Q.   What does everybody think of tracking your boyfriend or girlfriend's whereabouts on the Find My Friends App on iPhone? Where you use GPS to know exactly where they are on a map (or where their phone is) at any given time throughout the day... unless ...

A.   16 June 2015: Well, since you ask, yes, it's weird, very weird. And ineffective two. For two reasons : 1 ) location does not prove loyalty. Even if he is where he is supposed to be, so what. If he is at work , he could be cheating with a colleague. If he's at ... (read in full...)

Help me get a second chance!

Q.   My gf and I were together for over 6 years, and although we had our problems we were happy. I'm 2 years younger than her (29/31), so for that reason she was always asking me for more commitment. I asked her to move in but that wasn't enough ap...

A.   15 June 2015: ..Or maybe you are the one who does not want to listen. She spoke her mind very clearly- she said you rwo do not want the same thing. You dismiss that, affirming that instead you do . I may believe that you are in good faith, but you are emot... (read in full...)

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I slapped him, he slapped me back, what should I do?

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A.   14 June 2015: I have mixed feelings about him slapping you back. On one hand , I am just horrified ; he gets no free passes to act like a troglodite because of his abusive past . If any, his abusive past should have taught him to not do unto others etc.... (read in full...)

Should I see him before I leave? And should I text him when I arrive at the destination?

Q.   I met with this guy at work and we dated like 4 times. I slept with him after a month.Since we both working in the same airlines, we took an advantage and went on a trip. He became sick on the 2nd day and i took care of him. He appreciated and ...

A.   12 June 2015:  Let me begin with something unrelated to your issue, but... may I suggest that both you ( check in agent ) ad he ( gate agent and supervisor ) should STOP texting about your private business during work hours ? Both being jobs of high ... (read in full...)

What to do about bully of a sister in law?

Q.   Can't get away from her because she is living with my in laws. She is verbally abusive, aggressive, lies and manipulates. She's a spoilt adult who always gets her way. My in laws never tell her offend always make excuses for her. I don't trust h...

A.   12 June 2015: Now that you have your own place, can't you just get clean whatever it is that you have to clean and get your daughter ( of whom you have legal custody ) back from your in laws ??. At the end of the day, who cares what the inlaws and SIL do or thin... (read in full...)

He just blows me off and then I don't hear from him for a while. What's his problem?

Q.   So I've been seeing this guy lately. I have no clue what we are, at this point I think we are just hook up buddies I don't know. Anyways, every time he would ask to hang out or go out and I say yes he blows me off and I won't hear from him. ...

A.   8 June 2015:  He keeps doing it because you allow him. He knows he can do the heck he wants, there will be no consequences, you might at best pout a bit since you are " starting " to get annoyed, rather than being sick and tired and disgusted, but eventually he ... (read in full...)

How can I tell her I'm not going to visit her? Or should I visit her?

Q.   My friend that I've known for about 4 years, okay let me add a back story first. She used to do meth, and I hated it I told her it was so stupid to pay money for something coffee can do. I got sucked in I took her to buy that stuff I didn't want ...

A.   8 June 2015:  If I were in your position, I'd assume that I have been targeted as an easy mark which will provide generously food drinks cigarettes gas etc.for someone who wants to keep her cash for meth -or for other personal pursuits anyway. My friend ! She ... (read in full...)

Is it reasonable that I feel hurt that he said he was disappointed - or was he just being honest ?

Q.   Been seeing a guy for 3 weeks and all was going well. Last night we made out in his car and he asked me to be his gf, I said yes. After a little while he put his hand under my shirt which I wasn't ready for and I started to shake from nerves. H...

A.   8 June 2015:  Maybe we are being a bit ingenerous with this guy by necessarily suspecting him of bad intentions. Of course he could have put it more elegantly, or kept his big trap shut altogether :)-but I do not find what he said particularly sinister. He... (read in full...)

I'm afraid he'll never feel ready for anything more than dating!

Q.   The problem I'm having could be easily summed up as "I want to move in together but he doesen't". I don't know, I love that guy, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm afraid he'll never feel ready for anything more than dating. ...

A.   8 June 2015:  Or, why do you have to be so "old ":). I mean, I think it makes perfect sense that moving in with a Gf , after one year of dating, and still in school full time and going for his master's degree , has no special appeal and is no priority for a 23... (read in full...)

What could be the reasons why he doesn't want to talk to me any more?

Q.   Hey we broke up and I have sent him messages at least four times online with breaks of 1 to 2 weeks he has never responded. The messages haven't received the blue double ticks yet, so I tried reaching out on facebook for the last time. He hasn't ...

A.   6 June 2015:  It may be hard to believe for you, but in fact it happens quite often. Things sizzle when everything is new - and pretty soon sizzle. The fact is that " intense feelings " is not the same as DEEP feelings. In fact, in a way it may be a bad sign ... (read in full...)

My Bf's Mom told him to break up with me, though we are still dating. How do I handle her interference?

Q.   I have been dating this guy we live together in our own little apartment for 2 years, 90% of our fights is about his mom and younger sister. His sister is the same age as me. His Mom and his sister will come to our apartment without me knowing ...

A.   6 June 2015:  Ok , let me start by saying that honestly I don't get what's your problem ,if once in a while he goes for a stroll in the mall with mom and sis but without you. What's wrong with that ? Unless it's every day !- but you are bf and gf, not Siamese ... (read in full...)

Can a married man fall in love with another woman, yet never leave his wife?

Q.   Can a married man fall in love with another woman he has been with for 2-3 years but never leave his wife?...

A.   6 June 2015:  Apparently yes. If we have to believe stats, they do it all the time, since only about 3% of cheaters end up with leaving their wives for the mistress they had started an affair with.... (read in full...)

He says there is is no need to spend on me until we get married!

Q.   I'm 24year plus and my guy is 30 plus we both love eachother despite i was aware that he had a child out of wedlock and he is a contractor by proffession and im a pertime student and working as a secretary in a small studio where i earn little ...

A.   6 June 2015:  Seeing that you posted about this already, that means , I guess, that you are on of those posters who keep reposting until they get the answer THEY wanted all along. Sure, if you keep asking, maybe sooner or later you'll find someone who'll answ... (read in full...)

I feel my ex only thinks and cares about his own needs only, advice please!

Q.   My ex lives with me for a yr now. He doesnt pay for anything at all including rent. Hes bought a jetski thats been fixed on off and dies again on off. He spent so much money on the jski and none on his 2kids. Hes always telling me that I should ...

A.   6 June 2015:  Funny. First you criticize him because he spends money on his jetski but not on his kids - then you say " he tells me I should put my kids first but how can I if he always asks for money ?... " .So, when he deprives his kids , to spend on futilies ... (read in full...)

I seem to have outgrown my circle of friends ....

Q.   I don't particularly like any of my friend group anymore. They still act like teenagers. I rarely reply to group WhatsApp conversations because I just can't relate to it it's usually so childish. When I do respond... I'm usually ignored. I don't ...

A.   4 June 2015:  I think it's pretty normal, OP. You outgrow people in your life ( and / or they outgrow you )- You just evolve gradually in different directions, take different life paths, until one day you just do not find much pleasure in being around them- and ... (read in full...)

We messaged as friends after the breakup. So why the change in her tone, after so long?

Q.   Hi guys Apologies in advance for this mammoth of an essay! I broke up with my girlfriend 2 years ago. It was a mutual thing (we realised we had different ambitions and priorities) and we managed to remain friends afterwards, even meeting...

A.   4 June 2015:  Yes, .. and not to be nitpicking, but ...that would mean that you have continued talking in a cozy, intimate and inappropriate way for one whole year or more, AFTER you had broken up. It takes two to tango, so she did wrong too in allowing a ... (read in full...)

We messaged as friends after the breakup. So why the change in her tone, after so long?

Q.   Hi guys Apologies in advance for this mammoth of an essay! I broke up with my girlfriend 2 years ago. It was a mutual thing (we realised we had different ambitions and priorities) and we managed to remain friends afterwards, even meeting...

A.   3 June 2015:  Sorry but I think in THIS particular case her bf has all the right to " pass judgement "- or at least to make no bones about the fact that your interaction makes him uncomfortable. " Cutesy " language with your ex ; because you are friends ? Who ... (read in full...)

Do men see ''love'' and ''future'' differently?

Q.   Do men have different opinion of “love” and “future”? I have been seeing a guy for almost three years. He is constantly telling me he loves me, but lately if feel there is something not right, that I might not be more than a friend with benefits...

A.   3 June 2015:  Maybe they do not see " love " and " future " differently- they just see " love " and " marriage " differently. Love and marriage are supposed to go together like horse and carriage, but not for everybody. Particularly in your ( ours ) age rang... (read in full...)

I understand that he was unwell but why is he treating me in this way?

Q.   So I went on a trip with my coworker who I met 1.5 months ago. We both have free flight benefits and i slept with him the week before we went on a vacation, like after our 5th date. I wanted to know him better and I really like him and he told me ...

A.   2 June 2015:  Then you'd better let him know - and be clear about your wants and needs. You tell him, no I am not coming over. Or no ,you are not coming over. He asks Why ?.... No need to be coy, sly or shy. Be honest . Tell him : I am not looking for some... (read in full...)

Can women realistically start a family past 30?

Q.   I suppose the purpose of this question is to hear from women who have started a family after the age of 30. Those of you in the UK might have seen that a top fertility doctor has just said publicly that women who want kids should try before t...

A.   2 June 2015:  Lol ! As Honeypie notes, ... maybe we never got THAT memo here in Italy. AVERAGE age for first childbirth is now around 31.5 , and 25 % or 30% , can't quite remember, of all children are born from mothers over 40. In our society iT is like... (read in full...)

My boyfriend will not apologize for standing me up!

Q.   After looking everywhere on the Internet for an answer, I feel like I should ask my very own question out there. Boyfriend of 8 months is usually wonderful, I know that he does his very best for me and our relationship. He's very committed and ve...

A.   1 June 2015:  You gotta be kidding ,male anon. I am sure that your mom raised you better than that ! Just " sorry " is OK when you inadvertently stomp on somebody's foot on the bus. When you go MIA on your GF , keeping her waiting and worrying ,no explanat... (read in full...)

How to deal with this pain? My Bf and I will be in different cities for the next three months

Q.   I feel very sad due to the fact that my boyfriend and I will be on a "longer" relationship. Today he leaves to a different city where he will do an internship for the next three months. Even though we will stay in touch I feel like half of my ...

A.   1 June 2015:  Oh you'll survive, trust me. Sorry if it sounds like I have no compassion for your broken heart... but,really, you should save the very word " heartbreak " , let alone the real feeling of having your heart broken, for more grievous occasions ... (read in full...)

I'm living with Hydrocephalus and my parents aren't allowing me to make my own decisions!

Q.   Hello, I am a student who is looking to transfer from community college to WSU Vancouver next year but my parents won't let me move. The reason why is because I have a hydrocephalus VP shunt and they believe the school is too far from home when it ...

A.   1 June 2015:  Then imagine how thinking of your sudden death makes THEM depressed ! OP, I think you need to be sensible and pragmatical. While , on one hand, there's no reason why you could not live a LONG, happy, productive life- on the other hand you have... (read in full...)

Can you think of examples where a woman initiated a relationship? I need some examples to demolish my long held view that this never happens.

Q.   Because it seems, to me, that all boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are still initiated by the guy, where the man approaches the woman first, talks to her first and asked her out first, initiated everything or almost everything in the ...

A.   1 June 2015:  I disagree with the last poster, women approaching men ( - at least, men who somehow have given them green light and signalled some possible interest ) may still be a minority,... but not a RARITY . It's two different concepts altogether ! A... (read in full...)

I understand that he was unwell but why is he treating me in this way?

Q.   So I went on a trip with my coworker who I met 1.5 months ago. We both have free flight benefits and i slept with him the week before we went on a vacation, like after our 5th date. I wanted to know him better and I really like him and he told me ...

A.   1 June 2015:  Uhm.... because he is not THAT into you. He may take you or leave you , so he gets to dictate all terms and conditions, he does not even try to be on his best behaviour and impress you,- or simply to be a nice , pleasant ,attentive companion for ... (read in full...)

So men, does it have to be one or the other? Do you think he just doesn't want me?

Q.   I am a good person, devoted and loyal to my boyfriend. Problem is his porn addiction and total obsession with woman, his rude comments hurt and he knows I don't like it, but hasn't stopped. Sex is very rare and mostly he wants oral sex. I'm lonely ...

A.   1 June 2015:  You say he has an ADDICTION and any addiction is a time, thought, and energy consuming preoccupation that detracts a lot from what a person can devote to his sexual / relational life. You feel it more because sex is more " personal " insofar you ... (read in full...)

Why is boyfriend online on Whassap during the night? He does not check phone or get up when he stays with me. Is he out flirting or cheating?

Q.   Hi all. I know this may come across as a bit of an immature question but my boyfreind got Whassap a couple of months ago and his last seen times are during the night. Sometimes like 4 or 5 AM. When I stay the night with him, he never gets up and ...

A.   1 June 2015:  Do you have trust issues- because of his past misdeeds, or perhaps because of YOUR basic insecurities.. ? ( it would be very different , obviously ). Anyway, FWIW, your concern sounds a bit paranoid. He does not check his phone at night when... (read in full...)

I want to meet my online guy but my parents likely won't allow it

Q.   Hey everyone! I really want to meet this guy that I have been having contact with for more than 2 years. We always Skype and usually text or talk on the phone. He's willing to pay for my flight but I have a dilemma. My parents are pretty stric...

A.   31 May 2015:  Exactly. Why this fish ,rather than paying for your ticket, does not use the money to pay for his ticket to your pond, and come to show your parents that he is a nice innocuous respectable goldfish and not a potentially very dangerous shark ? ... (read in full...)

He's dragging his feet over a second meeting?

Q.   About a month ago I met this great man online. He had some health problems and we weren't able to meet in person for a while but we'd spend long hours texting on Skype or talking on the phone. Finally, the day came in which we met. We spent the ...

A.   31 May 2015:  Yep. Either he is far from as keen as he says, or he is very busy... with multiple dating and your number hasn't come up yet. I would not wait around for his convenience. I am not saying he should be foaming at the mouth , impatient to see you-... (read in full...)

Can you think of examples where a woman initiated a relationship? I need some examples to demolish my long held view that this never happens.

Q.   Because it seems, to me, that all boyfriend and girlfriend relationships are still initiated by the guy, where the man approaches the woman first, talks to her first and asked her out first, initiated everything or almost everything in the ...

A.   31 May 2015:  I initiated a few times. The most important with the guy I ended up marrying. I initiated our first date, first kiss, first everything. As a matter of fact, I was so used to initiating that when HE asked me to marry him, I had no idea what he ... (read in full...)

Why are women turned off by inexperienced men?

Q.   Why does inexperience turn women off ? Why is it that if a guy never had a girlfriend before, he is a turn off to the vast majority of girls that are non-virgins and have had their share of boyfriends or just been in a relationship before, and sadly ...

A.   30 May 2015:  But it is simply not true that ALL women are turned off by sexually inexperienced men ! I never was ,for instance- I married one . And although MANY years down the road things went sort of pear shaped , that obviously had nothing to do with ... (read in full...)

He has blocked me and is ignoring me now. So how do I get back the money he owes me?

Q.   Dear Cupid I am having on and off relationship with my best friend. We are very close year back, for last 1 year its all going downhill. He is avoiding me, not picking up my calls, telling me lies all the time He blocked me in phone, everywher...

A.   30 May 2015:  I am very sorry about your predicament. I am afraid that you have fallen into the hands of some unprincipled conman. A decent person owing you money would have kept the communication lines open even after a fall out / a break up, precisely ... (read in full...)

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   30 May 2015:  Oh , so you haven't had sex with your WIFE in the pasr 11 months .... and that's why you had started sniffing around Sarah as soon as she showed up, right after your ENGAGEMENT ?!( before you HAD a wife ) Don't start with the blame game, OP, your... (read in full...)

Will he really choose love over religion?

Q.   I really need some advice. Its tearing me apart. I am a 20 year old non religious female student living in the UK, my current partner is a 19 year old male Muslim student living in the same city as myself. We are head over heals in love with each ...

A.   30 May 2015:  That's a difficult question to answer, because what you are really asking us is... to read into your future :). To know if in 4 years he still will be so in love with you as he is now ( I don't mean to jinx you but, you know, at 19... people may ... (read in full...)

How do I win him back and feel better? My Mom and My Aunt don't like him

Q.   I fell for this guy; I'm 23 and he's nearly 30. He seems to like me and he's also sexually attracted to me. However, I haven't been able to date him as I was trying to finish off my degree at the time. This is still an on-going problem as I'm s...

A.   29 May 2015:  Do you HAVE to win him back ? Like, by doctor's orders ? To save your life ?.... Otherwise I can't see any reason for tryng anything so foolish as " winning " him back. He is no prize. In fact he sounds horrible, and you should have at least that... (read in full...)

Did I mess up asking for a second date?

Q.   I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I ...

A.   29 May 2015:  Yes, the reaction is likely to be 50/50 : half huge relief that the guy got the hint, half a pang of guilt for having disapponted him. Or maybe... 70/30 ?... don't forget that, as another poster mentions, current dating etiquette ( particularly ... (read in full...)

Should we carry on or just walk on different paths? We still have feelings for each other, but is that really enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Thanks for taking the time to read this - whoever you are. I've been with my husband for 3 years. We come from different continents, but met while I was traveling in his country. We traveled together and it was fun at the beginning ...

A.   29 May 2015: Yeah well, like WiseOwlE said too, he might be crying because he sees the gravy train coming to a stop ! Precisely for this reason, although normally I would agree with WiseOwle also on the fact that taking " breaks " in a marriage is neit... (read in full...)

Does this guy deserve another chance? I cut him off and now I miss him

Q.   Ok so I use to talk to this guy very heavy, and we were very close into making us official. But along the way he tells me that he just got into a relationship with someone else. So I took it upon myself to just go off on him, and make him feel bad. ...

A.   29 May 2015:  So he would talk to you at night, but totally cold shoulder you in public ?.. Easy. Elementary Watson. He never really broke up with the other girl and he was afraid that she might get wind he'd got a parallel gf. ... (read in full...)

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   29 May 2015:  Of course you can. It's not all about sex. You ARE having an affair . Or, have you got a better definition for when someone invests in another person the time, attention, emotion, curiosity and enthusiasm that in theory he / she should reserve to ... (read in full...)

Did I mess up asking for a second date?

Q.   I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I ...

A.   26 May 2015:  I agree, you did not do anything wrong,- and I think you guess eight, it might be a fade away. Her response to your clear , inequivocable message suggesting a date activity next wekeend was.. lukewarm at best. If she had been interest... (read in full...)

Should we carry on or just walk on different paths? We still have feelings for each other, but is that really enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Thanks for taking the time to read this - whoever you are. I've been with my husband for 3 years. We come from different continents, but met while I was traveling in his country. We traveled together and it was fun at the beginning ...

A.   25 May 2015: This sounds like a typical unfortunate case of : marry in haste repent at leisure. Or maybe of " I love you- you are perfect- now change ". You were attracted to him BECAUSE he was this independent, free spirited wild child, and now you'd like... (read in full...)

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