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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Is this a cultural shock that is affecting my relationship? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Q.   I dont know where to start. I am from South America and I emigrated to USA 8 years ago, I studied got a degree. I have a good job and support myself , single no kids. I met an Iraqi guy 2 years ago, hes younger by 8 years. He came legally, ...

A.   13 July 2016:  Well, yes, as Serpico mentions, the age gap may also be another difficulty. Although, interestingly enough, in Muslim cultures quite less so than in the Western world. Khadija, first wife of Mohammed, prophet and founder of Islam, was 14 year... (read in full...)

Is this a cultural shock that is affecting my relationship? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Q.   I dont know where to start. I am from South America and I emigrated to USA 8 years ago, I studied got a degree. I have a good job and support myself , single no kids. I met an Iraqi guy 2 years ago, hes younger by 8 years. He came legally, ...

A.   11 July 2016:  There are no common law wives in Iraq. There are no common law wives in Islam. The concept itself does not exist. There's only " halal" ( pure, allowed ) and " haram " ( impure, forbidden ).... (read in full...)

Should I disown her for rejecting my name?

Q.   This may be an inappropriate question for this site but I am furious with my daughter. She is 29 and she has recently announced that she plans to get a legal name change, and I am boiling mad. I have a mind to disown her. Even though her mom and I ...

A.   11 July 2016:  This must be a troll. I am pretty sure it's a troll. Some bored teenager, school's out and all that. If it's not a troll, congratulations ,sir, you have managed to do something that very few posts on DC by now manage to do : astonish me . ... (read in full...)

My dad is pissed that I don't love my boyfriend anymore?

Q.   Hello. So my boyfriend and I have a complicated on and off relationship. We have been together for four years. I invited him to my birthday party thinking that my dad still doesn't like him (my dad never said a word about liking him until last ...

A.   11 July 2016:  I am not sure that I understood what happened . Your dad gets drunk at your birthday party - and you kick your on and off bf out ?? why ? As if it were his fault that your dad got drunk ! Anyway- leave dad out of this , it's not relevant. I don'... (read in full...)

Can't understand why she cheated with a homosexual?

Q.   Hi. What does it mean when that my wife has cheated me with a gay guy, and prefers gay friends?...

A.   11 July 2016:  Strange question. If your wife cheated on you with a gay man, well, he was not that gay after all ! Must have been bisexual. Then, what difference does it make if she cheated on you with a straight guy , a gay guy, or a walrus ?.. She still ch... (read in full...)

She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...

A.   11 July 2016:  I agree with Tisha. This girl is telling you that she is not going to cut you off her life, as long as you respect her boundaries. So, don't be clingy, don't pressure her, don't act desperate. You can tell her about autism if you wish- bu... (read in full...)

Have my feelings changed towards my married lover?

Q.   I've been with my married lover for a few years. He has gone on vacation with his wife several times over the course of our affair, leaving me behind. I know it's an affair and nobody approves. But I am not here for that part of it. I am just tr...

A.   11 July 2016: Let me begin by saying that I don't believe that necessarily people SHOULD feel miserable and incomplete when their partner is away. In fact, I think it's an extreme, unusual reaction. Missing somebody ,looking forward to see them again- yes, of ... (read in full...)

She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...

A.   10 July 2016:  I did not quite catch the meaning of your update, anyway, if you were asking how do you have to go about fixing the friendship- no, don't do anything. At least for now and for a good while. First, I am pretty sure that you misinterpreted and ... (read in full...)

Saw 6 Condoms in His Travelling Bag

Q.   Please my big brother and sister in the house, Am married for two years now, we have a daughter. Recently my husband job entailed him travelling a lot. He was travelling today and he took six condoms,he ought to be away for 6 days. I saw it in his ...

A.   10 July 2016:  It sounds like a big fat lie to me. I am sure that his boss would be perfectly capable to get himself his own condoms, and also that he ( the boss ) would PREFER to do that, rather that involving his employees in his own most personal and priv... (read in full...)

Confused, does he want a relationship or not?

Q.   Hi I'm 15 years old and a girl. I have a "thing" with a guy who is also my age. I met him at the local fair and we hit it off really good fast. I'm super bad at texting so in the beginning he'd text me and sometimes I wouldn't respond. Not because I ...

A.   10 July 2016:  I'd have to say no. Look, it's simple. You want a relationship with this guy- and if he wanted the same, you would be HAVING a relationship . Who would be stopping you ? you are single, with no kids, no conflicting work schedules yet, I supp... (read in full...)

Does a guy being skinny put women off?

Q.   I'm a skinny lad and I was wondering is this a turn-off? I mean I know some girls like guys to be teddy bears but is there really any market for us skinny guys? I'm 5'11"/180 cm and 143 pounds/64 kg and feel as though I'm not bulky enough for women ...

A.   10 July 2016:  Sexy. David Bowie was skinny. Mick Jagger was skinny. James Dean was skinny. Tbh, I prefer " slim " or " lean " to downright skinny, as in : protruding rib cage and you can count each vertebra. The ideal would be lean but still healthy looking.... (read in full...)

Is it OK for the guy I am seeing to keep on texting his ex when he is on a date with me? What can I do?

Q.   If the guy you are seeing, keeps texting an ex while he is spending time with you,would you be okay with it. Is it disrespectful to the girl? Would you turn a blind eye to it? Will you date a guy who is bff with his ex?...

A.   9 July 2016:  What did I tell you ? he is an ape. Ah so he does not owe you anything because you are dating ? No, he owes you- he owes you at the very least the normal courtesy which he would extend to a neighbour or a coworker or anybody , really, he were ... (read in full...)

Eight weeks pregnant. Angry abusive father to be. I'm crying a lot. What can I do?

Q.   Hi I feel completely lost and don't know what to do. I've been with my boyfriend for a year. We have been living together and I recently found out that I'm pregnant (I am 8 weeks gone) and have decided to keep the baby. Me and my boyfriend do...

A.   9 July 2016:  No, you know what to do. Maybe you don't like the idea of doing it , but I bet you know what you've got to do . You need to leave him. "He has been physically violent with me on one occasion" . That was one time too many. Did it happen wh... (read in full...)

What are likely reasons that a man would ask this question of a woman about children ?

Q.   What would you think if your boyfriend asked you "what do you think things would of been like if you never would of have had your kids?" I have kids from a previous relationship but he's always been great with them, so I was thrown off by that ...

A.   9 July 2016:  I would not read anything particular in this question, and most of all not a sign that he has a problem with children, or YOUR children. Call it idle curiosity , if you wish, but it's simply a very natural question for anybody to ask to ( or t... (read in full...)

Does this girl like me? I can't tell

Q.   So i talked to this girl over the phone and she kept giggling and saying I'm cute. Then we met in person and she told me that i have a nice body and she told me I'm cute again. She was acting super nervous around me and said to me "Sorry for ac...

A.   9 July 2016:  OP, what are you tryng to make me say :)? that's absolutely impossible that this escort found you attractive ? Abd if I say that, you 'll go : aha ! gotcha. Give me proof. I have no proof. I still happen to think that , if not impossib... (read in full...)

Is this a cultural shock that is affecting my relationship? Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Q.   I dont know where to start. I am from South America and I emigrated to USA 8 years ago, I studied got a degree. I have a good job and support myself , single no kids. I met an Iraqi guy 2 years ago, hes younger by 8 years. He came legally, ...

A.   9 July 2016:  Posts like yours always get my goat. They irk me big time. Proviso : I respect profoundly ANY religion, any belief, any culture. Including those I don't understand or approve of. People have any right to practice their religion and follow t... (read in full...)

Why would a Bf not like his Gf to wear makeup?

Q.   15 year old girl. I met this guy and he's really awesome in all the right ways. When I met him I was all done up. He tells me not to wear makeup. He allows me to get my brows done and straighten my hair but I wore a little bit of makeup on a date (...

A.   9 July 2016:  You should be yourself and keep doing whatever you choose to do according to your own preferences and fashion sense. Also considering that from what you say your make up is sober and discreet , and you are not inadvertently making yourself look... (read in full...)

Is it OK for the guy I am seeing to keep on texting his ex when he is on a date with me? What can I do?

Q.   If the guy you are seeing, keeps texting an ex while he is spending time with you,would you be okay with it. Is it disrespectful to the girl? Would you turn a blind eye to it? Will you date a guy who is bff with his ex?...

A.   9 July 2016:  I second Honeypie- don't worry about it. He is blatantly in bad faith. He knew he was wrong- but " the best defense is attack". Otherwise, if he is sincerely oblivious to how wrong he was, then he is just an ape and you are well rid of him. ... (read in full...)

She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...

A.   9 July 2016:  Sorry OP but.. it figures. If just by your concise posts we all at DC got the impression that you were acting clingy and desperate.... chances are that you must have really trespassed her boundaries and made her uncomfortable or even scared. Fran... (read in full...)

Due to a chronic pain issue I cannot go ahead with this pregnancy. But is my reaction to this termination normal?

Q.   I've just found out I'm pregnant. I am in a happy relationship. We are both at university and have no money. I have 3 kids, he has 2 from our first marriages. This baby was not planned. I am 5 weeks. Due to circumstances including a chronic pain...

A.   8 July 2016:  This is a very individual thing, how one feels about a termination, and much depending upon circumtances , personality and individual values, so it's hard to say how it " should " feel. I'd say that truth- and sanity - is in the middle. Betw... (read in full...)

Does this girl like me? I can't tell

Q.   So i talked to this girl over the phone and she kept giggling and saying I'm cute. Then we met in person and she told me that i have a nice body and she told me I'm cute again. She was acting super nervous around me and said to me "Sorry for ac...

A.   8 July 2016:  Ok, I'll rephrase it : Hope... one can always hope, against all odds. Hope is always allowed. Even for the most improbable,absurd things. Then,though, generally we have to read a given situation and try to assess if our hope is grounded... (read in full...)

Should I wish my ex happy birthday?

Q.   My ex and I dated briefly for four months and broke up two months ago. His birthday is tomorrow and I would love to wish him happy birthday. He broke up with me saying he no longer felt chemistry, and I no longer have feelings for him as well. I ...

A.   8 July 2016:  You deleted him on social media and then you wish him happy birthday ? Not very coherent. Yes sure, changing own's mind is not forbidden, But I guess that if you really had felt that he is such a lovely person and a potential great friend, ... (read in full...)

What should I tell my ex'?

Q.   My ex boyfriend got in touch. What should I do? He sent me a message on Facebook last night. I received it this morning. He asked how I was. I told him I was doing ok and that my flat is nice. Last time we spoke, which was last October, I had only ...

A.   8 July 2016:  I don't see why he should invite himself over at your place, after 9 months you had not even been in touch. I mean, a bit cheeky. Presumptuous. If he really was eager to see you again for a nice catch up and a stroll down memory lane, wh... (read in full...)

I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!

Q.   No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...

A.   8 July 2016:  Anon of July 7th : I think we had this debate on another thread, but maybe it won't be superfluous to repeat a few things.. You say that we go by generalizations. Well, of course. What else ?. All knowledge in any field comes from a process ... (read in full...)

She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...

A.   7 July 2016:  No, it was not a good idea. You are not helping your cause. You post on her wall , creating , although involuntarily, quite some brouhaha- she does not like it. You want to apologize, and to apologize , you post publicly again. She is not s... (read in full...)

Should I give in to demands for anal?

Q.   Dear Cupid, my boyfriend has been bringing up sex up the butt. I feel like I don't please him enough because he keeps trying to convince me about this, but I'm clearly offended that I'm not enough. Am I over reacting and taking it personally, or ...

A.   7 July 2016:  He could just be curious and not necessarily implying that you are not enough- nevertheless you do not have to consent to do something that you don't want to do or turns you off or disgusts you ( if this is the case ) just to let him satisfy hus ... (read in full...)

Do I like him more than he likes me?

Q.   I want to ask people's opinion on how a man I've been seeing feels about me. Sometimes I feel he's really into me, but I can start to think negatively about it quite quickly. I've been used to being the one with the power in relationships (m...

A.   7 July 2016:  Ok, I am going to start with a dumb,dumb,dumb question- forgive me , I have my " burnt lightbulb " moments like everybody- You say that you have an STD and can't have penetrative sex . And, I suppose, oral neither. And you say that just very rece... (read in full...)

Does this girl like me? I can't tell

Q.   So i talked to this girl over the phone and she kept giggling and saying I'm cute. Then we met in person and she told me that i have a nice body and she told me I'm cute again. She was acting super nervous around me and said to me "Sorry for ac...

A.   7 July 2016:  Frankly I think too that you are redaing volumes into this. Not saying that escorts cannot ever be attracted to their clients, I guess it happens some times, still I think you cannot assume this ( or even hope it ) based on what you tell us. ... (read in full...)

She's downgraded me from facebook. I thought we were friends not just co-workers. What to do?

Q.   I'm friends with a female at work, we talk now and then at work but not a lot to each other as she's busy but we are friends on facebook though. When I didn't hear back from her in a while, I posted on her wall, haven't replied back to me, which wa...

A.   7 July 2016:  But WHAT did you post on her wall ? If it was something too gushy or sentimental or personal, which elicited lots of embarassing comments , she may have felt compelled to downgrade you so that you stay within more appropriate boundaries. Anyw... (read in full...)

Is this normal in a good relationship? Or am I being submissive towards him?

Q.   Dear Cupid I have a history of being in abusive relationship. So I wouldn't know a anything about being in a normal relationship. Currently in dating a good person for about 4 months. We have good sexual chemistry and we talk, he doesn't push me ...

A.   7 July 2016:  I have to disagree with the other ladies. It does not sound so normal to me. After only 4 months ?! And only spending weekend together ?... Basically, he calls you over ..so that you can watch TV while he plays games by himself ?... No. N... (read in full...)

I am involved with a married man and I'm worried he will take up with this other woman who works for him!

Q.   No judgment please. I have been having an affair with my married Martial Arts instructor for 2 years now. We still have the most amazing sex and electric chemistry and the relationship is mostly sexual although we both care about each other. I...

A.   6 July 2016:  So he has tried to leave you at least 6 times. But he has not tried to leave his wife even once. Interesting. He is teeter tottering with you- but stable and solid with his wife. Has this never offered you any food for thought ?....... (read in full...)

Is it OK for the guy I am seeing to keep on texting his ex when he is on a date with me? What can I do?

Q.   If the guy you are seeing, keeps texting an ex while he is spending time with you,would you be okay with it. Is it disrespectful to the girl? Would you turn a blind eye to it? Will you date a guy who is bff with his ex?...

A.   6 July 2016:  I see that you have already got very good answers, and taken a very wise decision. I just want to add that, as for me, forget the whole " best friend with his ex " saga- I would not be OK with such behaviour even if the man were texting the Pope... (read in full...)

He ghosted and came back... what now?

Q.   I posted a couple weeks ago. I dated someone for three months. The first two months were great. He was affectionate and planned thoughtful dates (as did I) and reached out daily. We met 1-2x a week. However everything changed last month and I ...

A.   6 July 2016:  Don't read too much in that text. He is just doing minimal maintenance- he has not totally written you off because you could always come handy as a plain B, or C, or D... As WiseOwlE mentions- you met him on a dating site. Now, not to knock... (read in full...)

Do I leave my new job after only one week, and how should I go about it?

Q.   Hey guys :-) so I hope no one minds but I have a career question here, I've been stressed about it all week and as the DC community are so lovely I thought I would ask here. Anyway I'm 23 and have been working in a public sector office job for j...

A.   5 July 2016:  No no - otherwise they will have to see a pattern, because there would be one. You got offered an opportunity , you accepted... and then you pulled back before starting the job. Then you applied for your current position, you failed, they wer... (read in full...)

What kind of man is he? And what kind of relationship can I expect with him?

Q.   Hello I have been chatting with a man I met on a business website we have been chating for 20 days, from the first few days when he added me on Facebook he said that he liked me but he felt he was too old for me which is 20 year difference, but I ...

A.   5 July 2016: Edit : to adjust his *world *... (read in full...)

Dreams about a former professor?

Q.   Hello. I'm not sure why I am having dreams about another man. I am in a happy relationship and I am 20 years old. I occasionally have dreams about being with a different man emotionally and physically though. Aht surprises me is that the man in my ...

A.   5 July 2016:  Go figure :). There are dozen of ways to interpret dreams, ... Freudian, Jungian,mythological, old wives ' wisdom... etc. and they are all guesses anyway. By and large, my guess is that whatever energies you repress during the day, may... (read in full...)

What kind of man is he? And what kind of relationship can I expect with him?

Q.   Hello I have been chatting with a man I met on a business website we have been chating for 20 days, from the first few days when he added me on Facebook he said that he liked me but he felt he was too old for me which is 20 year difference, but I ...

A.   5 July 2016:  He is the kind of presumptuous older man who would love to get sex from a younger woman without having to do any effort to adjust his " word " to hers, and who hopes he'll find someone who is docile and gullible enough to give him just that. A... (read in full...)

Should I mention I found out he's leaving?

Q.   I have built a rapport with my co worker and I fell for my co worker but we work in different departments.We have little to no work related interactions.He's always friendly and was giving off subtle signs of interest. However, 1 month ago I decided ...

A.   5 July 2016:  It depends what you are aiming at . If this is some sort of masterplan to give him another chance to take an interest in you, I am afraid it will fail. He just gave you a polite but unequivocable brush off, he just showed himself standoffish when... (read in full...)

Is it because I'm moody? Or is my partner acting abusively towards me?

Q.   I think I may be in an emotionally abusive relationship but honestly I'm not sure whether I'm just being silly or not. I can be a very moody person sometimes and often can be quite snappy, so I don't want anyone to think I'm wholly blaming my partn...

A.   5 July 2016:  Yes, you are once again in an abusive relationship. While " emotional abuse " is sort of subjective , it's a generic umbrella term which covers behaviours that could be seen as abusive by some persons / cultures but not by others- luckily the ... (read in full...)

Could this man I've been chatting to for 2 weeks be telling the truth? Or is he lying to me about his dream? Why tell me?

Q.   Hello iam chatting with a man of 57 years old, he actually lives in the same city, and we are planning to meet in a few days. We chat everyday, and exchange photos. Its been 2 weeks since we started chatting online. One day he told me that he dream...

A.   5 July 2016:  OP, honestly I don't understand what's your point, what are you getting at. " Even if he wants to get laid ... he wants a woman who looks like me ". So ?... Is it a compliment ? Do you read this as very flattering ?.. First, it makes sense ... (read in full...)

Does this girl like me? I can't tell

Q.   So i talked to this girl over the phone and she kept giggling and saying I'm cute. Then we met in person and she told me that i have a nice body and she told me I'm cute again. She was acting super nervous around me and said to me "Sorry for ac...

A.   5 July 2016:  OP ! Of course she could not tell what was going on in your mind, she is not a mind reader , plus she barely knew you. She saw you were not reacting physically as she would have expected, so she was trying to make sure that she did it " rig... (read in full...)

When I see my cousin all logical and rational thinking stops. What can I do?

Q.   I am madly in love with my cousin. I just can't get her out of my head after a naughty night 3 weeks ago. We didn't actually had sex, but we were exploring each others body and kissed passionately . it was her first time. I thought it was j...

A.   4 July 2016:  Uhm. If I were you, just to be on the safe side, I'd try to keep my raging hormons in check and stay away from cousins. It may end up badly. - If you are Hindu, like over 80% of the population in Nepal, you already know that you are not supp... (read in full...)

Could this man I've been chatting to for 2 weeks be telling the truth? Or is he lying to me about his dream? Why tell me?

Q.   Hello iam chatting with a man of 57 years old, he actually lives in the same city, and we are planning to meet in a few days. We chat everyday, and exchange photos. Its been 2 weeks since we started chatting online. One day he told me that he dream...

A.   4 July 2016:  Translation: he just wants to get laid every now and then. No committment, no obligation. Only , he knows that if he says it just like that, plain and simple, he won't catch much fish with this bait. So , he prefers to make it look as if he is... (read in full...)

Could this man I've been chatting to for 2 weeks be telling the truth? Or is he lying to me about his dream? Why tell me?

Q.   Hello iam chatting with a man of 57 years old, he actually lives in the same city, and we are planning to meet in a few days. We chat everyday, and exchange photos. Its been 2 weeks since we started chatting online. One day he told me that he dream...

A.   3 July 2016:  Yes, of course he can have had a dream about you - why not ? Being a sexual dream, for once the meaning is quite literal. He wants to have sex with you. If just out of general horniness, or about a special liking for you personally, that we cann... (read in full...)

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