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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   23 October 2014:  C'mon, OP, don't be chicken :). If it happens it happens, but maybe you can give a little push to destiny . You have the best excuse ever, you are a hockey fan so I suppose you know about the game and can speak about it competently . Take this ... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   19 October 2014:  Then it's rather simple. First you leave your current partner ( which may be serious , committed and all, but I can't imagine that is such a fulfilling relationship for you if you find yourself constantly longing for another man !). Then you ... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  And if you know your worth and like yourself for who and what you are, then what's been keeping you so far from asking him if he wants to go out with you for a drink or dinner, all this years ? Why do you wonder if he'd find you interesting and ... (read in full...)

It was an awkward first kiss, but does that make me an a pathetic 24 year old loser? What can I do?

Q.   So I just got home from a sort of first date with a guy. We hung out at my house last weekend just to break the ice so I cooked lunch for us nothing major. Tonight we went out for drinks and when it was time to drop me off we were just chattin...

A.   18 October 2014:  You know what , I blame it on this texting addiction that people have got. It's like they have incontrollable verbal diarrhea, whatever passes through their mind they just have to put it out, whether it is appropriate or not, stupid or not, ... (read in full...)

Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone at University and school knows. Should I move away?

Q.   Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone in school and my university knows. OMG!!!!!!!! what can i do? should i move? i cant believe this, i cant even go out! my life sucks, hope no one other than me ever has to experience this. Every...

A.   18 October 2014:  I'd be curious to know how did you find out all of a sudden about your mother's line of work. It's a job and lifestyle with particular habits and schedules that are hard to hide. I had a friend who was in your situation, she had started having a ... (read in full...)

Do I walk away? I'm torn!

Q.   Hi everyone... I realy need objective advice, here. OK (((*deep breath*))) it's a bit of a long story... Been dating a guy for 6 months during which time I discoverred he had an alcohol problem. (Yikes) I supported him but then one night he ran away ...

A.   18 October 2014:  Of course you chose himself over him, what kind of a question is this !? He is not your fragile older parent, he is not your troubled adolescent son, he is not your lifelong davoted spouse who's just going through a rough patch- in which case... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   18 October 2014:  OP, some of the aggressiveness you complain about, to be blunt and honest... I think you were calling it upon yourself, and it could have been worse :). In your well meant , affectionate , motherly concern, you probaly do not realize how aggr... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  I think the good job, the busy social life... are just the exterior. The outside. The inside may be different, these things did not " took " and are not enough to give you the sense of validation that you crave. There are CEOs of multinationals , ... (read in full...)

Huge crush, but now she has resigned. Why!?! What the hell is wrong with me? Have I let my lunatic ego take control?

Q.   Turning 50 is not fun. My loving wife after 25 years of marriage tells me time has been kind to me and she still calls me sexy. I adore her. She is as lovely as the day I first saw her. I have always been somewhat shy. I never considered mysel...

A.   17 October 2014: Probably it's just the lowered levels of bioavalable testosterone in your blood. Andropause ,basically. Approx. 30% of andropausic males manifest symptoms like mood swings, ( despondency / euphoria cycles ), slightly obsessive ideation, pensive/ ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to think that the way he wants to share expenses and chores is unreasonable?

Q.   I am with my boyfriend a little over a year, and I moved into his appartment about a month ago., I am writing it to hear some opinions if I am mistaken on having these thoughts, but the whole situation started bothering me from the very beginnin...

A.   17 October 2014:  Maybe more than an issue of right or wrong it is an issue of compatibility. And of not having " done your homework " properly before moving in, and found out which were your mutual expectations and demands. Too bad ,because in one year there was ... (read in full...)

We love making out with each other, so do we have a unique friendship?

Q.   So i have this unique situation with my friend, but I've came to terms to it but I would like some input and some advice on how odd this situation is.. So I met this girl at a party 6 months ago and from the first moment we met in about a couple o...

A.   16 October 2014:  I can't see that your friendship is anything " unique ". It sounds to me like a garden-variety FWB. With a girl who's taken and cheating, though. The party who's going to develop feelings / attachment / a crush is the one who is going to get h... (read in full...)

My crush is asking for a threesome! Do I do it?

Q.   My crush asked me to do a threesome, he has this fantasy. he said I could choose any friend /girl/ of mine to do it and make me feel more comfortable. I am interested in having something more with Him, I'm confused. I wouldn't want to do that if it ...

A.   16 October 2014:  I think he is only using you to make his fantasy come true which is easier with your cooperation ( you are even supposed to provide the girl ). If you were already an established couple , it would be different. Personally it would not be my cup ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be so indecisive when considering ending a relationship?

Q.   Hello all. I'm in the process of trying decide whether I can be happy in my current relationship. When I think about ending things and not being together all I can think about is how amazing he is. When I think about staying in the relation...

A.   16 October 2014:  I guess it all depends from how literally we have to take " horrible stuff ". If you mean is a figure of speech, like, he is a good guy but he has his flaws, he can be " amazing " ,loving caring romantic etc., but, being human, he also has flaw... (read in full...)

Our friendship became troubled after he got a girlfriend. What should I do from here?

Q.   More of a friendship problem. I had a really good friend, for about five years. Then he got a girlfriend (I have a long term boyfriend). Our friendship was always based on banter and being cheeky to each other. As soon as he gets a girlfriend, he ...

A.   16 October 2014: I'd let it go. A friendship based on "cheeky" banter ?... I guess it means it was flirtaceous. Some Gfs would not be ok with the banter in itself, imagine with the " cheeky " - read flirty, sexy or even just cutesy part ! Probably she nixed th... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the father of the child wants me to terminate. I'm confused

Q.   I need sum help.. I don't need people judging me or giving me grief. I'm 25 and 9 weeks pregnant. I have been in an on/off relationship for some time. We were together for a few years and he cheated.. so I moved out and went no contact. 6 month...

A.   16 October 2014:  I think that part of your confusion stems from trying to fit in somehow your waste of space of a boyfriend into the equation : how will he actually react if you do have the baby, what would he really want if he wasn't wax in his mother's hands, ... (read in full...)

I want to end our 3 year long LDR and get married but unsure If we should marry or end things?

Q.   Hi, ive been with my long distance girlfriend for almost 3 years now and i think is time to close the distance. Its time to pop the question. However... We live in continents apart and we are citizens of diferent countries.we have a 13 years ag...

A.   16 October 2014:  Well, from the point of view of logic - not that of feelings- it's not like you have lots of options. The possible course of action is one: - she does not want to marry you, so she is not going to marry you , now or anytime soon - she does not... (read in full...)

We've broken up but my ex still supports me financially

Q.   I am going through break up. It will be two weeks on Sat. Despite everything he and I have gone through, and the wrong I feel he does, I still very much care for him and would like it to work. We would have a lot to work on. He was complete...

A.   16 October 2014:  I don't think it necessarily means that he is wanting to get back together with you . I think it means : a ) that he's got money to burn, lucky him :)- what to another guy may seem something worth discussing about or fighting for, for him is just ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   15 October 2014:  I am too for : tell your extended family to back off and mind their own business. ! Her life ,her choices. She is an adult, and if she is happy, and her partner is happy- that's all it counts. There is no ONE right way for everybody to live ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like one of his kids!

Q.   (Mod note: please explain why you don't have a job or why you are not actively seeking employment as that is the first thing the aunts will ask you.) "I am a carer of 35hrs a weeks lookin after my son with the autism " My boyfriend treats like ...

A.   15 October 2014: Your post is rather confusing, and I would not want to sound harsh and uncompassionate, but I guess it will have to sound this way until at least you have cleared a bit some of the confusing points. - You are on jsa , but that's only for peop... (read in full...)

Was I wrong for asking for time and attention?

Q.   I was in long distance relationship. Never met him. Initially he took out time for talking. But then he started to work for around 16 hours. I understood his commitment for work. But he even stopped messaging. If I asked him something he replied ...

A.   15 October 2014:  No. It was a misunderstanding, basically. You thought you had a relationship, when all you had was a guy using you for phone sex. As at some point you have realized yourself. If it had been a relationship 1 ) he would not have made you chas... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting about my boyfriend's comment?

Q.   My boyfriend said something last night that has left me feeling insecure this morning so I would like other opinions on whether I'm overreacting and just take it as him being honest. We were talking last night about opposite sexes/physical ...

A.   15 October 2014:  First of all , my complimemts to your bf for his excellent taste, from a wavy haired red head ,lol. Second, yeah you are over-reacting. He was just talking about this and that, shooting the breeze. In general. I am sure he did not mean that he ... (read in full...)

How do I break up with this liar I love?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've met this guy ten months ago. He seemed like a decent individual. We took our time to get to know one another. We've been intimate approximately 6 times throughout the 10 months of dating. I've always been skeptical about ...

A.   15 October 2014:  Pardon me, but you are so torn between what and what ?... I don't see that you have much of a choice, unless you are a masochist who loves being ridiculed, humiliated and made a fool of. The guy is married with children, and he did not even had... (read in full...)

He's amazing but he does drugs. Am I being too fussy by finding it a deal breaker?

Q.   I recently met a 30-year-old guy whom I hit it off really well with - he flirts with me heavily all the time and he is clearly a very kind person (he stopped to give an old lady change for the bus the other day because she couldn't find her purse - ...

A.   15 October 2014:  Yours is a strange question, insofar first you say " drugs are a deal breaker for me " then in the same breath you ask " am I too fussy ?" So,... how do yor dealbreakers work ? By popular consent ? They are only dealbreakers as long as you get ... (read in full...)

I'm very hurt by this comment he made! What does he mean? Is this a brush-off?

Q.   I met my online friend last week which was amazing after being friends for a year. We hit it off and ther was a real connection both of us very attracted to the other. He has messaged me everyday since and we both miss each other so much already....

A.   15 October 2014:  No, it's not a brush off. You were not answering fast enough for his tastes and he is saying : Ouch, I hope I do not get to like you even more that I already do , because as of now it already HURTS me a lot when you don't pay me attention fast... (read in full...)

I haven't met my LD boyfriend yet but I'm not sure if I should!

Q.   Hello! My LD boyfriend wants me to visit him but I don't know if I should and to even have the guts to tell my family about what he's planning? When he was in the same state as I am currently in now, he had plenty of chances to meet me, sometime...

A.   14 October 2014:  Ok, so you have seen him on Skype. And ?... When he lived in your state , he had plenty of chances to visit you... but he never did. In fact, he even promised to come and see you, but he broke his promise . More than once. He does not soun... (read in full...)

Do I Tell my boyfriend he might not be the dad?

Q.   Ok so ive been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. I love him so much, he treats me like im the only girl in the world and doesnt care that i have a baby from a past relationship, he loves my little boy just as much as me. But 8 months b...

A.   14 October 2014: I don't see that you have any other choice BUT telling your bf, OP. Regardless of moral obligations, which do exist - but anyway, you played your cards very clumsily. If you wanted your bf to never know and forever think of this baby as his ( wh... (read in full...)

Was it the drink or is he really a snob?

Q.   Hi, I'm a bit confused by some actions of my boyfriend, we were visiting his family on the weekend, we all had a nice dinner a few drinks, and then went upto bed. We were having chit chat before sleep, and he said something like all Londoners ar...

A.   13 October 2014:  I don't know if you will like my answer :), but, FWIW : read a great book called " Watching the English " by social anthropologist Kate Fox. It's serious research, but also wickedly funny. And it fully confimed my impression, as a ( frequent... (read in full...)

I've lost my sex drive and I'm starting to resent him

Q.   My sex drive has completely disappeared but my boyfriend still initiates sex every time I see him. I usually end up having sex (or at least using my mouth or hands) because I feel so awful for not wanting to, but I'm really starting to resent it. I ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Janniepeg says clearly that hers is a personal choice that works well for her and may not work as well for everybody, so I do not dispute her choice. But, it's incorrect ro affirm that having sex before being ready poses no health risks. In f... (read in full...)

How do I tell him I'm pregnant?

Q.   Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and now I've found out I'm pregnant. I'm only 20 and this was not planned at all. We've talked about marriage in the future and having children eventually but we didn't want it t...

A.   13 October 2014:  First thing, you need to tell him right away if nothing else out of fairness. This baby is growing inside your belly, yet it's a joint " property "- it's half his, and he has the right to know about it asap. If you delay the news in the misguided ... (read in full...)

I can't get over my girlfriend not being a virgin!

Q.   Hi, I have a serious problem that I don't know how to adress. Me and my girlfriend have known each other since we were in our teens. It's been about 8 years now that we've been friends. We've always gotten along great, been best friends and fel...

A.   13 October 2014:  Very harsh ?... the OP of course can have all the morals and values that she wants, and can also bring her morals and vaues wherever they will be shared , understood and appreciated. Instead the OP chooses to stay with a person who has diff... (read in full...)

If we did get together I'd be paranoid that he'd cheat on me the way he cheated with me

Q.   Over the last few months I've been speaking to someone I used to work with and we've been out a few times. He has a girlfriend so we've always made a point of saying we are only friends. Then when we were out with a group of mutual friends we ended ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Your fears are well founded , unlyckily. Maybe it's not : once a cheater always a cheater.. but " once a cheater OFTEN a cheater " , yes. You are at more than average risk of being cheated on. Then again, perhaps you don't exactly have to worr... (read in full...)

Have I overstepped the mark with my FWB ?

Q.   Ok so yesterday I had sex with one of my friends (we have a kind of FWB thing going on). Afterwards we were chatting and I happened to mention that I had told my mum that I was revising at his house and that it was looking kind of suspicio...

A.   12 October 2014:  Why ? Does he normally puts you out as soon you've used up the 30 minutes which are technically sufficent , what with some forepaly, getting undressed, intercourse, washing up , and getting dressed ?... Is this your guys ' ( or your ) norm... (read in full...)

I have a lot of anger towards him. We both shout at each other a lot. How can this be resolved?

Q.   My husband has been shouting at me and sometimes hitting me and calling me lots of names. I have put up with it, now I feel like a very angry person and I shout back at him a lot and I can not speak to him nicely and even when he tries to be nice ...

A.   12 October 2014:  What's wrong with you is that you STAY with a man who has already been hitting you "sometimes ". It should have been over the moment he hit you the first time . Not that calling you a lot of names is nice either, but physical abuse is the ... (read in full...)

Seven years?? Am I wasting my time waiting for my married lover to leave his wife and children?

Q.   I have left my husband but I have been involved with a married man for 7 years.I said I wanted a proper relationship but he said he can't leave his kids who are 15 and 17. We haven't really talked about our future it's like he lives for today yet ...

A.   12 October 2014:  I have a true story for you. I had a colleague involved in a situation like yours for ages. The guy always said that he could not break his family- not because of his wife, which sort of knew he was not a faithful husband and , obje... (read in full...)

What should I do? I have feelings for her. But was I just a "one off" for her?

Q.   My friend used to go out with a girl called 'C'. I always got on really well with her, basically they just weren't getting on and my friend ended up getting with someone else. 'C' was really upset and I made sure that I was there for her. Anyway...

A.   12 October 2014:  Tell her. Tell her that you like her and would like to have the chance to see if it can turn into something between you. Or, just simply ask her on a date . A date " date " , though , dinner or something, and take it from there. What's the wors... (read in full...)

Should I have called him out on what I was told was a lie? Or should I let it go?

Q.   I like this guy. He's a lot older then me we never talk face to face. He's a bus driver i see ever day why he goes by and when we talk on the phone he tells me he's married and has kids. But then i find out he's not married, nor does he have any...

A.   12 October 2014: Let it go ! If he even got another woman to pose as his wife to discourage you - he really wants to get you off his back. Either you were the one initiating the phone calls, and he did not know how to stop you graciously,... or he initiated them but ... (read in full...)

Is it over or will he be back? Has he been telling me lies and have his family assisted him to get away from me?

Q.   My. boyfriend lived with me for 9 months..told me I was the best thing that ever hhappened to him. He said he wanted to marry me. The appartment people were not going to renew my lease, one reason was because he was there. I wanted to start ...

A.   12 October 2014:  Why, would you really take him back after he has ditched you in this way ?It does not matter if he does come back ( he won't... unless he needs money or shelter )- the plan was all another, you were supposed to leave together. And.. you go seek... (read in full...)

I don't want him to give up his dream but I just found out I'm pregnant! How do I break the news?

Q.   Hi everyone. Ok I'm 30 years old and my OH is 32. We both are currently living separately at our parents houses while we save up to buy a house ourselves. Unfortunately.. New mortgage regulationss have just come in and now we have to up twice wh...

A.   11 October 2014: .. But you aren't a single mom. You are only single technically, insofar you aren't married- for the rest you HAVE a committed partner with whom you share a life plan and future goals, and who can be made accountable, and probably WANTS to be made ... (read in full...)

After 6 years how can I get him to step up to the plate and go for the next step in our relationship?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years, we are 22 and 21 respectively. I just graduated college during which we had a long distance relationship, and I was sort of expecting our relationship to start moving forward after graduati...

A.   11 October 2014:  Yes and not. I mean, I understand that after 6 years you may have gotten impatient, nevertheless you are still only 21. In 5 years ( average time for finishing your Ph.D. ) you'll still only be 26 ! - which surely does not make you an old ... (read in full...)

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   11 October 2014:  I don't know... MY hunch is that he does like you :)... it's just my hunch... Well yeah, maybe another guy would be more proactive, or would have already asked you out openly, but I figure that a math whiz kid, albeit cosmoppolitan and soph... (read in full...)

Why does he always say such horrible things to me?

Q.   Why does he always say such horrible things to me:( So my bf hasn't been working for 9months now and I've been supporting him with money for food. I don't think he's trying hard enough to finding a job but says we should get married. and...

A.   11 October 2014:  You have done, not said, something weong. You have allowed an ungrateful moocher to walk all over you. Marriage ( and relationships, of course ) aren't about money ?- right. So let him prove his point to you by stopping taking YOUR money and ... (read in full...)

I don't understand why he wants to see me still if he doesn't want a proper relationship.

Q.   Hi, I've been dating a guy on/off for over a year. The reason we ever go off is because he doesn't commit to calling me his girlfriend. Every time I try to move on he continually texts me asking to see me. I don't understand why he wants to see ...

A.   10 October 2014: Eh, he can go on twenty years if you let him ( apparently you do ). He gets the whole GFE experience ( not just sex-on-tap, that too- but also friendship, companionship, intimacy , talking... ) yet on his terms and conditions, when HE wants and ... (read in full...)

Friends, family, moral dilemmas and life. How do I deal with the differences?

Q.   Hi, I'm having problems dealing with moral dilemmas and differences between myself and friends very recently . I have one group of friends, who I guess I see more regularly because they are a single group of girls and meet up the most and d...

A.   10 October 2014:  Then don't go to overnight trips or weeklong holidays, and just join the occasional lunch or dinner if you don't want to cut all ties altogether. Frankly, I do not see what's the issue here. Do you lament that at times some people who used to be c... (read in full...)

Why did she marry me if she had no attraction for me?

Q.   Wife suddenly tells me she has no attraction towards me... According to her this has happened 2 years ago. She stayed on to hope things will improve. I am devastated. She never really pull up major quarrels with me till she drop this bomb ...

A.   10 October 2014:  It does not have to be just 2) or 3). It may be much simpler causes which you haven't considered : social / family / religious / community pressures. I am not sure, the way you describe it, it could be a Muslim marriage ( with a nikah first... (read in full...)

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   9 October 2014:  It seems to me that you are just developing a very normal crush. It may have started as admiration, but , after all, isn't that how all crushes start ? You admire someone because they have something that strikes you, that impresses you, whether ... (read in full...)

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