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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

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A.   23 October 2014:  C'mon, OP, don't be chicken :). If it happens it happens, but maybe you can give a little push to destiny . You have the best excuse ever, you are a hockey fan so I suppose you know about the game and can speak about it competently . Take this ... (read in full...)

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A.   21 October 2014: No no, OP, maybe I did not express myself clearly. I did not mean that it does not sound true, or it can't be true . My point was another , the following : so this girl had a secret boyfriend. You did not know she had a bf, and the other st... (read in full...)

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Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

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Why is my SO using It's Complicated as his FB status?

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A.   19 October 2014:  I think it means he does not want to officially admit he is " in a relationship ". It may be that you are and feel more committed to him than viceversa . He does not even want to say that he is single, though- it's obviously not true and peop... (read in full...)

I need to smoke weed for medicinal purposes but my boyfriend doesn't like this!

Q.   I have a problem because i fell in love with a guy who thinks weed is bad and i need to smoke because i have nervous problems and severe depression and fibromyalgia pain all over my body. and when i smoke weed i dont feel sick or nervous i can eat ...

A.   19 October 2014:  If you live in a state that allows / tolerate marijuana for medical use - easy : rather than self prescribing, get a medical prescription of marijuana for chronic pain management. Your bf may still not like that, but, if it is doctor's orders, ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

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Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

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Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

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A.   18 October 2014:  I'd be curious to know how did you find out all of a sudden about your mother's line of work. It's a job and lifestyle with particular habits and schedules that are hard to hide. I had a friend who was in your situation, she had started having a ... (read in full...)

Do I walk away? I'm torn!

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A.   18 October 2014:  Of course you chose himself over him, what kind of a question is this !? He is not your fragile older parent, he is not your troubled adolescent son, he is not your lifelong davoted spouse who's just going through a rough patch- in which case... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   18 October 2014:  OP, some of the aggressiveness you complain about, to be blunt and honest... I think you were calling it upon yourself, and it could have been worse :). In your well meant , affectionate , motherly concern, you probaly do not realize how aggr... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  I think the good job, the busy social life... are just the exterior. The outside. The inside may be different, these things did not " took " and are not enough to give you the sense of validation that you crave. There are CEOs of multinationals , ... (read in full...)

Huge crush, but now she has resigned. Why!?! What the hell is wrong with me? Have I let my lunatic ego take control?

Q.   Turning 50 is not fun. My loving wife after 25 years of marriage tells me time has been kind to me and she still calls me sexy. I adore her. She is as lovely as the day I first saw her. I have always been somewhat shy. I never considered mysel...

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Am I wrong to think that the way he wants to share expenses and chores is unreasonable?

Q.   I am with my boyfriend a little over a year, and I moved into his appartment about a month ago., I am writing it to hear some opinions if I am mistaken on having these thoughts, but the whole situation started bothering me from the very beginnin...

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We love making out with each other, so do we have a unique friendship?

Q.   So i have this unique situation with my friend, but I've came to terms to it but I would like some input and some advice on how odd this situation is.. So I met this girl at a party 6 months ago and from the first moment we met in about a couple o...

A.   16 October 2014:  I can't see that your friendship is anything " unique ". It sounds to me like a garden-variety FWB. With a girl who's taken and cheating, though. The party who's going to develop feelings / attachment / a crush is the one who is going to get h... (read in full...)

My crush is asking for a threesome! Do I do it?

Q.   My crush asked me to do a threesome, he has this fantasy. he said I could choose any friend /girl/ of mine to do it and make me feel more comfortable. I am interested in having something more with Him, I'm confused. I wouldn't want to do that if it ...

A.   16 October 2014:  I think he is only using you to make his fantasy come true which is easier with your cooperation ( you are even supposed to provide the girl ). If you were already an established couple , it would be different. Personally it would not be my cup ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be so indecisive when considering ending a relationship?

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Our friendship became troubled after he got a girlfriend. What should I do from here?

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A.   16 October 2014: I'd let it go. A friendship based on "cheeky" banter ?... I guess it means it was flirtaceous. Some Gfs would not be ok with the banter in itself, imagine with the " cheeky " - read flirty, sexy or even just cutesy part ! Probably she nixed th... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the father of the child wants me to terminate. I'm confused

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I want to end our 3 year long LDR and get married but unsure If we should marry or end things?

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We've broken up but my ex still supports me financially

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I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

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A.   15 October 2014:  I am too for : tell your extended family to back off and mind their own business. ! Her life ,her choices. She is an adult, and if she is happy, and her partner is happy- that's all it counts. There is no ONE right way for everybody to live ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like one of his kids!

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Was I wrong for asking for time and attention?

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A.   15 October 2014:  No. It was a misunderstanding, basically. You thought you had a relationship, when all you had was a guy using you for phone sex. As at some point you have realized yourself. If it had been a relationship 1 ) he would not have made you chas... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting about my boyfriend's comment?

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How do I break up with this liar I love?

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He's amazing but he does drugs. Am I being too fussy by finding it a deal breaker?

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I'm very hurt by this comment he made! What does he mean? Is this a brush-off?

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A.   15 October 2014:  No, it's not a brush off. You were not answering fast enough for his tastes and he is saying : Ouch, I hope I do not get to like you even more that I already do , because as of now it already HURTS me a lot when you don't pay me attention fast... (read in full...)

I haven't met my LD boyfriend yet but I'm not sure if I should!

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A.   14 October 2014:  Ok, so you have seen him on Skype. And ?... When he lived in your state , he had plenty of chances to visit you... but he never did. In fact, he even promised to come and see you, but he broke his promise . More than once. He does not soun... (read in full...)

Do I Tell my boyfriend he might not be the dad?

Q.   Ok so ive been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. I love him so much, he treats me like im the only girl in the world and doesnt care that i have a baby from a past relationship, he loves my little boy just as much as me. But 8 months b...

A.   14 October 2014: I don't see that you have any other choice BUT telling your bf, OP. Regardless of moral obligations, which do exist - but anyway, you played your cards very clumsily. If you wanted your bf to never know and forever think of this baby as his ( wh... (read in full...)

Was it the drink or is he really a snob?

Q.   Hi, I'm a bit confused by some actions of my boyfriend, we were visiting his family on the weekend, we all had a nice dinner a few drinks, and then went upto bed. We were having chit chat before sleep, and he said something like all Londoners ar...

A.   13 October 2014:  I don't know if you will like my answer :), but, FWIW : read a great book called " Watching the English " by social anthropologist Kate Fox. It's serious research, but also wickedly funny. And it fully confimed my impression, as a ( frequent... (read in full...)

I've lost my sex drive and I'm starting to resent him

Q.   My sex drive has completely disappeared but my boyfriend still initiates sex every time I see him. I usually end up having sex (or at least using my mouth or hands) because I feel so awful for not wanting to, but I'm really starting to resent it. I ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Janniepeg says clearly that hers is a personal choice that works well for her and may not work as well for everybody, so I do not dispute her choice. But, it's incorrect ro affirm that having sex before being ready poses no health risks. In f... (read in full...)

How do I tell him I'm pregnant?

Q.   Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and now I've found out I'm pregnant. I'm only 20 and this was not planned at all. We've talked about marriage in the future and having children eventually but we didn't want it t...

A.   13 October 2014:  First thing, you need to tell him right away if nothing else out of fairness. This baby is growing inside your belly, yet it's a joint " property "- it's half his, and he has the right to know about it asap. If you delay the news in the misguided ... (read in full...)

I can't get over my girlfriend not being a virgin!

Q.   Hi, I have a serious problem that I don't know how to adress. Me and my girlfriend have known each other since we were in our teens. It's been about 8 years now that we've been friends. We've always gotten along great, been best friends and fel...

A.   13 October 2014:  Very harsh ?... the OP of course can have all the morals and values that she wants, and can also bring her morals and vaues wherever they will be shared , understood and appreciated. Instead the OP chooses to stay with a person who has diff... (read in full...)

If we did get together I'd be paranoid that he'd cheat on me the way he cheated with me

Q.   Over the last few months I've been speaking to someone I used to work with and we've been out a few times. He has a girlfriend so we've always made a point of saying we are only friends. Then when we were out with a group of mutual friends we ended ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Your fears are well founded , unlyckily. Maybe it's not : once a cheater always a cheater.. but " once a cheater OFTEN a cheater " , yes. You are at more than average risk of being cheated on. Then again, perhaps you don't exactly have to worr... (read in full...)

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