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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [210 pages, 8348 answers]

I think that I might be in love with my best friend but he is ugly and I have no idea if he likes me like that!

Q.   I think (80%) that i'm in love with my best friend (boy) but he is ugly and i admit that. Beside that fact that his face is full of pimples, he has elephant ears, a very long face and he is like 10 15/64 inch (26 cm) taller than me, he is funny and ...

A.   7 April 2015:  I don't think you are in love. People in love - KNOW and believe they are in love ; and many times, in hindsight, it turns out that they were wrong and it was just a passing crush or infatuation, not real love- but that's another story. At the ... (read in full...)

He ended it over something petty, is this a red flag to his personality?

Q.   Hi My boyfriend ended it with me over something petty I said we hadn't been seeing each other much and I done most of the texting yes texting I know it's a bad form of communication but he text me one night said im sorry I didn't text you today I ...

A.   7 April 2015:  Not necessarily, at least not in the sense that you'd think. I.e. not in the sense that he is a touchy type, or hypersensitive, or that he frets over small stuff, etc. Just in the sense that he is a coward. I am pretty sure that he was tired of... (read in full...)

Text overload and being clingy may have scared him off!

Q.   Hi there, I am looking for some honest advice and interested in hearing views from men as well, if possible. Basically, if a guy really genuinely likes a woman and is 'into her', during the early dating stages and she freaks him out with text ov...

A.   7 April 2015: Well, if you say it all ended up " pear shaped " after your texting overdose,.. I guess your guy did not find it " cute ", wouldn't you say ? Anyway, we are generalizing here, of course there's no one -size-fits - all in these things. Neverthe... (read in full...)

Do I need to stop believing?

Q.   Hi, I'm the kind of woman that stands for her own. I'm 29 years old, I'm a doctor with a nice monthly income, I own my own apartment and car, I'm intelligent and thankfully good looking. My question is why I can't attract an understanding man? I'm...

A.   7 April 2015:  No, you do not need to change your moral and religious beliefs, and, if your beliefs could be so easily changed to facilitate your sexual and romantic life... well I suppose they could not be very deep . But, you just need to realize and acce... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to?

Q.   Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to? This is how it started. I asked my bf to go to a Billy Joel concert with me, but he didn't seem to interested as his ski trip was in the same month and as of yet did not ...

A.   6 April 2015:  I think the only one who should have been asked if the girl ( your bf's daughter ) could attend the party .... was the birthday guy ! , ( hopefully he was , it was his party after all ). If he was cool with a plus one... I fail to see what you ... (read in full...)

What are the signs a guy may give when he likes a girl or is starting to get feelings for a girl?

Q.   hi! I like a guy from my college. He has got to know that I like him from someone. He doesn't have any idea that I also know he has information about me liking him. So whenever we come across each other he looks at me from far and every time when ...

A.   6 April 2015:  If he is a professor at your college, hopefully he is smart enough and professional enough to keep you at arm's length, also because he knows that anything romantic with you could cost him his reputation and his job. If he looks at you, - mayb... (read in full...)

Did I just get hot and steamy online with a married guy?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'll try not to ramble too much. Well basically I play the online game World of Warcraft and I talk often to a guy on there who is two years younger than me. Although we are from very different social backgrounds I do enjoy talking to ...

A.   6 April 2015:  Probably I am being thick, but I still do not understand what difference does it make to you if the guy is married or just in a relationship. If he is married, you'd feel used. Why, if she is just a Gf you would not feel used ?.. what's the poor... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won't stop taking drugs. should I leave him?

Q.   I am 25 and my partner is 30. We have been together for 8 months and have had an uneasy relationship. We love each other very much, but he takes class A drugs occasionally and I did not like this. When I came to the decision to leave him he told me ...

A.   6 April 2015:  Yes, you should. As a matter of fact,tbh, if you are serious in saying you do not approve or condone the use of class A drugs- I don't see why taking up with a class A drug user to begin with. What,like, you hate bank robberies.... and you 'd ... (read in full...)

Is he trying to tell me something?

Q.   After 7 yrs together my boyfriend gives me an Easter card that came as a freebie and signs it only "love" when he always signs it "love always" or "I love you". I asked him what's up with that (he knows I love cards) and he said he just liked that ...

A.   6 April 2015:  I think you are a first class overthinker and you could easily win an overthinking contest ! :) Unless of course this is just the tip of the iceberg, you know , the last one in a SERIES of tiny little signs of boredom indifference negl... (read in full...)

No boundaries crossed, yet. But will my feelings for my friend affect my feelings for my partner?

Q.   About 6 years ago, I met someone at a festival. We hit it off, and became good friends. Nothing untoward and beyond friendship occurred at that time. We've gone to that same festival together every year since, and we meet up outside of it an...

A.   6 April 2015:  WiseOwlE is SO right. So, you do not believe in a possessive love... f; and what about your partner ?.... Do " they " believe in possessive love, and will they be forced to adopt another view of love...without even knowing it ?... Do they bel... (read in full...)

Am I just wasting my time hoping for a long term relationship or should I give him the space to figure out what he wants?

Q.   I met a guy, who is new in the city 4 weeks ago through a dating site. He is 44 and divorced in another country nearly a year ago. On date one he told me that he wants a chance to date and meet women, but that he does not rule out a long term ...

A.   5 April 2015: I tend to agree with Janniepeg. He told you, he's on the dating site to meet and date WOMEN ( plural ), although not excluding blah blah. Even supposing it was not just a PC statement in lieu of " I want just to kill some time and to get laid " ... (read in full...)

Is there any positions that will help me to please him and increase the amount of him that I can feel?

Q.   Hi, I have started seeing a guy with a very small penis. I love being around him and love being intimate and don't mind the size but unless I am on top he seems to go soft or fall out often. I would really love to have great sex with him,...

A.   5 April 2015: Doggy style- you can bend forward onto your elbows / forearms and squeeze your legs together to shorten the vaginal canal and make penetration deeper. Variation : you still lower yourself on your forearms and really push back onto your part... (read in full...)

I'd like to see him again, would it be okay for me to message him?

Q.   Hey everyone! I just need some fast advice :) i broke up with My boyfriend about 3 Weeks ago and it took sometime but I'm feeling a bit better now ... So I met this guy 3 days ago at a party and we hit it off. He's friends with a guy I know and we ...

A.   5 April 2015:  Look, if you want to message him, do, it's not such a big deal . Either way. We are talking about one message, not a siege of never ending texts. BUT : if he specifically mentioned a "next time "... why don't you leave him time and space to actu... (read in full...)

How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?

Q.   There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...

A.   5 April 2015:  It is perfectly possible, - more so if we are talking about something based on physical attraction. Married people too can like what they see .... (read in full...)

I'd like to see him again, would it be okay for me to message him?

Q.   Hey everyone! I just need some fast advice :) i broke up with My boyfriend about 3 Weeks ago and it took sometime but I'm feeling a bit better now ... So I met this guy 3 days ago at a party and we hit it off. He's friends with a guy I know and we ...

A.   4 April 2015:  It's OK if you are being honest with yourself, i.e. you are really not attached to the outcome of your message, and you'll be happy anyway : happy if he gets back to you for another date, and happy, or at least serenely indifferent, if he ... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   4 April 2015: You want to sort this mess out and you want to do all sort of things BUT the simplest one : let him be. Let them be. Keep your distance. Back off. If he wants to kiss you and give you secret dates, he is not acting as a good friend, so you are ... (read in full...)

After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!

Q.   Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...

A.   4 April 2015:  Oh enough already with the teen male " bodily cravings ". So the young man has bodily cravings. Of course. It's normal. It's natural- he's a young male, and his bodily cravings are part of his being a young male. And ?... Does the fact of havin... (read in full...)

My potential date might be in an online porn video, should I let her know

Q.   young woman who I have been growing closer to over the past few months has taken a romantic interest in me and she wants to try dating me and I have agreed to go out on a date with her. She is very much the good girl type and is extremely innocent ...

A.   4 April 2015:  I'd totally let it slide, since the chances the performer is actually your friend are slim. - So do you mean to say that this is a split personality / secret identity case ? Virgin Sunday school teacher at daytime, vixenish porn star at night ?...... (read in full...)

We're on a roller coaster and I want to get off

Q.   Dear Cupid, I read this site often and am always struck by how great the Agony Aunts/Uncles are in giving out advice. It always done with common sense, compassion and empathy and no judgment. I hope you can give me some advice too, as I need t...

A.   4 April 2015:  Sageoldguy's post , and your comment about Russian lit, reminded me of something that may belong to your situation... In " Anna Karenina " , at the very end, on her way to the station where she will commit suicide, Anna Karenina sees some stre... (read in full...)

Is he bisexual? Just a bit worried about the kinky things my BF enjoys

Q.   Hi. First to give you a little background, me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 10 months, we are generally happy together, we argue like most couples but over all we get on just fine. There is just something I am a bit worried ...

A.   4 April 2015:  He woud be gay or bisexual if he liked anal play with a man. Being that he enjoys it with a woman , that does not make him gay or bisexual, makes him a guy who likes anal play ( which is far from uncommon, btw ) ... (read in full...)

How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?

Q.   There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...

A.   4 April 2015:  Uhm, maybe you did not handle this too well. If when he ( clumsily ) tries to flirt, you ask him " what is it that he wants " and " what he wants to talk about " - he may think you dig it and you are just acting coy ! I know this was not your inte... (read in full...)

Am I being moronic about all this? Or ungenerous as my mother implied? And what should I do about it?

Q.   My sister is 27, living in a house of her own with a partner who is very likely potential marriage material. She's not too far from our mum, who's only about an hours drive away. I'm in Student Halls over 5 hours drive away, I'm 21, coming back ...

A.   4 April 2015:  That's ridicolous. Just stand your ground. Politely, ... with a smile... but firmly. Your sister is behaving very inappropriately- not only she is the older and more financially stable, and hopefully she does not need to literally take the shirt ... (read in full...)

Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?

Q.   I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...

A.   3 April 2015:  Eh, that's the problem with beng a mistress - that's very diffocult not to have to deal with trust issues. Why ? Because a married man with a secret mistress is obviously a skilled ,consumed liar ,with also no scruples in bending the truth for ... (read in full...)

He has told me he really wants to be Friends with Benefits, I don't know what I want1

Q.   MOD NOTE: Previous question from same asker can be accessed here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-me-being-madly-in-love-with-him.html hi:) ( i'm a fan of himym so i'll use the names, it is not related to the personalities of the characte...

A.   2 April 2015:  You are one stubborn teenager, OP :) ( of which, I am not surprised ). You posted the same question, in a shorter version, and you've got 8 or 10 people who, with different motivations , all told you : no, OP, this is definitely a bad idea, whic... (read in full...)

I burst into tears when I saw how my boyfriend lives in squalor, what now?

Q.   My 38 year old boyfriend of one year knew I was on my way round. What I saw horrified me. He is living in complete squalor. Dirty filthy conditions I would not put a dog in. He smoothed over it all saying he's busy with work and replacing a chimney ...

A.   1 April 2015:  You know, OP ?, I have been at times accused of being selfish or self involved or a me-first type. Generally by people who would have an all too evident benefit from me being instead all meek and selfless and prone to sacrifices !.:) but, yeah, ... (read in full...)

Would you move thousands of miles for someone you loved but have to give up your goals or dreams?

Q.   So I met someone I am really into and we have been carrying on a long distance relationship for a few years! we met online. He lives on the other side of the country. I liked him since we first chatted though and we have talked everyday since then. ...

A.   1 April 2015:  No, it does not necessarily makes " more sense " that you move. It makes more sense for him, because he's got his success and his goal accomplishments already- what about yours ?... (read in full...)

My husband masturbates to porn and turns me away when I try to initiate!

Q.   I need some advice and opinion here. To sum it up in a gist, my husband has been married to me for two years now, but recently I found out that he masturbates to porn. This has happened several times. When I confronted him about it, he got agita...

A.   1 April 2015: OP , you have a husband who basically tried to kill you within 3 months from getting married ,... and you worry about PORN ?... And no ,of course , as a married person, he is NOT allowed to do everything he wants as long as he does not hit you.... (read in full...)

I chose not to stay with my boyfriend's family while in his country and now no one is speaking to me

Q.   CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT ID DID WRONG??? My boyfriend"s cousin lives in one of the Europian countries. The family is very close to absurdity. Even if someone is wrong they are still right. i am planning a vacation where my boyfriend can't...

A.   1 April 2015:  I guess you answered your own question, i.e. although you have all reasons to be annoyed / surprised / irritated, - it's not necessary to shoot at flies with a cannon and you could have chosen to express yourself in a more tactful ,neutral way. ... (read in full...)

We've known each other 2 weeks so what do you take from these messages?

Q.   I need your opinion please... I started talking to this guy, we started talking everyday for the first 4 days but then he stopped calling and says he us busy. It's a fact that he has a very bust job I understand but he doesn't even answer texts, ...

A.   1 April 2015:  Two weeks that you know him and he should be at your texting beck and call ? he should be always available, and always free, and always attentive, and always in the mood to talk to you ?... It does not matter if texting back would take a few seco... (read in full...)

Would a single man of 45 who has never settled down give up his 'freedom' now?

Q.   Hello and Thank you for reading. My question is about men/a man and I'd appreciate hearing from the male perspective as well as females. If a man is single at age 45 and has never felt ready to settle down but is now kind of shifting in that...

A.   1 April 2015:  I've got male relatives who got married later in life, so it's not necessarily true that if a man has not settled down by 35 ,he'll never ever do it. But, that's the thing wth older gentlemen, in general- they moment they do decide, they mome... (read in full...)

I'm confused about his motivations, if in fact he has any!

Q.   I'm feeling a bit confused over how I feel about a guy and more importantly whether or not he likes me. The guy in question is my tennis coach and he's pretty good looking and we get on extremely well. I have lessons with him on my own and also ...

A.   1 April 2015:  He is drumming up business in the TYPICAL personal trainer / tennis coach / golf pro etc.etc. way. And it works, apparently : you too, at first did not want to take that class again... but a little flirty banter goes a long way to make classes ... (read in full...)

She was insistent on including her daughters in our invitation to her and then she was a no-show! I wasted £300 on all 4 of them!

Q.   I got married over a month ago and I invited a friend of mine - we used to work together and became really good friends so I invited both her and husband to my wedding for the entire day. When my friend received her invite she called to as...

A.   1 April 2015:  Wow, you are right there getting married... and you find time and will to worry about one friend and her 3 " plus one " not showing up !? You must be a very cool headed, detail oriented lady. Anyway : yes, I'd be upset too... but not TOO much... (read in full...)

After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!

Q.   Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...

A.   1 April 2015:  Don't be a fool. Btw, I don't know if you can really call a friend someone who basically wants to steal your virginity then go on on his merry way right after; yes of course he is not responsible for YOUR sexual choices, but, a friend is someone ... (read in full...)

The married man I'm seeing has now pulled back. What am I supposed to think?

Q.   I met a man, he's married. We've been seeing each other but only slept together that first night... It's been 5 weeks of texting and short visits. We have very strong feelings for each other. He said he doesn't want to drag me into his mess, also ...

A.   30 March 2015:  You are supposed ro think that probably he is letting you down easy. Maybe he is really tryong to patch things up with his wife, in which case he is being wise in not wanting to pursue a mistress, which would do nothing to help the process alon... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   29 March 2015:  Oh sweerheart- what advice do you think you need ? ither than wake up and smell the coffee... It's even easier so- the timeline is very telling. In Feb, you tell him you have feelings for him. And he, instead of saying, "wonderful, I reci... (read in full...)

Why can't he face that his family is lying about me and tell them to butt out?

Q.   My partner and I of 6 years broke up three months ago, we have been trying to sort it out but I have asked him to tell hi family to butt out of our relationship, or I am not coming back. HE used to work in the family business and moved from Ireland ...

A.   29 March 2015:  That's the brother's FAMILY- his parents, his siblings, etc. And they have bailed him out all their life, no wonder they'd be on his side ! I believe that you did not formally threaten his brother ,as in" give me my money or I'll strangle you with... (read in full...)

Would you move thousands of miles for someone you loved but have to give up your goals or dreams?

Q.   So I met someone I am really into and we have been carrying on a long distance relationship for a few years! we met online. He lives on the other side of the country. I liked him since we first chatted though and we have talked everyday since then. ...

A.   29 March 2015:  NO. I DID move thousands of miles away to be with a man, but he happened to be my husband, not some guy I used to talk to through I-Net, and it also so happened that one of my hopes and dreams was precisely to go live where we went, and also ... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   28 March 2015:  If he still has a Gf, you should simply stay away from him. You should not go out on dates with him . You should not kiss him. I was going to say " you should treat him as you treat any other friend "- but you can't do that, because he is not ... (read in full...)

He only talks to me when he is drunk!

Q.   I don't know if I should continue trying or step away. I've known this guy for over 5 years. he is well aware that I like him however there is a huge age gap.which I believe may be the reason why we haven't become anything, nor has he tried mak...

A.   28 March 2015:  You are trying WAY too hard ! As for the signs, signs of what ? what signs do you see, other than the sign he is a drunkard who needs a trustworthy designate driver- and got himself one with little or no effort from his side ? 22 and 30 ? The... (read in full...)

Ladies, your possible reaction if you surmised, during sex, that a guy was a virgin then would you stop having sex or what?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I wanna paint a pictute here for woman and hear what they think. Pleeeeeeeease be brutally honest, no euphemism. If you (a woman) were in your twenties and liked some guy, just like, not a romeo and juliette love story, you've know...

A.   28 March 2015:  Oh I've found myself in bed some times with guys who did not have a clue what they were doing and how to do it , in a scandalous way - but they did not even have the excuse of being virgins, LOL ! FWIW, I MARRIED a guy who was a virgin when we m... (read in full...)

I'm finding peoples behaviour odd.

Q.   Why do people remove friends from facebook? I had someone who we were helping and we kicked him out for being creepy towards my sister (he had been warned in the past), hes blocked me and my gf. I was doing all the right things by him even afte...

A.   28 March 2015: People are strange , Jim Morrison would say :). But not so much , after all. In general there's a logic in their actions, just we cannot see it because OUR logic is different. An example ? Here it is, and forgive me if it deals with your behaviou... (read in full...)

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