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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Ex boyfriend's pervy behavior makes me question a reconciliation

Q.   My ex and I were together for many years. We've been broken up for quite awhile due to various reasons and I've been moving on fairly alright. We're no longer friends on facebook but can see certain recent activity, if we check, and we both do as ...

A.   25 September 2014: Yeah, after reading You Wish's post, I had another thought that I want to share. I think, that, beyond questioning the benefits and wisdom of a reconciliation ( on which, the consensus here seems to be that it would not be a wise or bene... (read in full...)

What do I do with the expensive gifts my ex gave me?

Q.   my question is very simple and small that I have broke up with my gf last night in a legal way ....now I don't know what shud I do with the expensive old gifts she gave me....should I through them out so that I cud fully forget her ...

A.   25 September 2014:  Once gifts are given , they become your property and there's no obligation ,legal or moral, to give them back, unless it's the engagement ring or other objects donated in connection to an engagement ( a pact,basically... ) which then was broken. ... (read in full...)

He Lied About Dating Someone - Should I Not Be Friends With Him?

Q.   Last summer, I fancied a male friend (used to flirt with him a bit but nothing more than that) whom I got on with quite well. I told him I liked him, and he turned me down, saying that he was already seeing someone. There was a mutual guy frien...

A.   25 September 2014: He told you a white lie because he did not want to hurt your feelings. Rejecting can be as difficult as being rejected , and some people find it particularly awkward.... (read in full...)

Ex boyfriend's pervy behavior makes me question a reconciliation

Q.   My ex and I were together for many years. We've been broken up for quite awhile due to various reasons and I've been moving on fairly alright. We're no longer friends on facebook but can see certain recent activity, if we check, and we both do as ...

A.   24 September 2014:  Well, at least you are seeing the shape of things to come. He is not being wily about it. I mean, he could be showing you his best behaviour now, just to get you back, and THEN once he's gotten you back, turn around and start " fapping " like... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my boyfriend want sex more often?

Q.   When I first met my boyfriend it was in a "business only" relationship. At that time he was in a "bad relationship", that was pretty much sexless, that took him three years to finally get out of. When I first met him I liked him very much as a ...

A.   24 September 2014:  I am sure that the Uncles are more qualified than me to answer, but I just want to say that if he is in his mid fifties, once a week sounds pretty normal and average. Of course there may be individual exceptions of mature insatiable studs, but , ... (read in full...)

My FWB guy said I love you..was it just post sex emotion?

Q.   4 years ago I had a brief fling with a guy. It didn't work out but it was good while it lasted. About 6 months ago we bumped into each other after a night out and exchanged numbers. Since then we've had a fwb situation going on. We spoke about it ...

A.   24 September 2014:  Talk is cheap, and words are a dime a dozen. Everybody can say anything for whatever reason- then see how they ACT to see if they mean it. Another thing that, I feel, often generates confusion is the ( only, that I can think of ) big limi... (read in full...)

I'm scared to commit to my boyfriend

Q.   I love my boyfriend, dearly. I pounce on the phone whenever he texts or calls me (we do not live together and live in different cities) and could talk to him all day if I could. I'm alway eager to text him, my parents know about him, etc etc. We've ...

A.   24 September 2014:  Yeah, there's something off here. After one year, his parents should know OF you, if not know you in person. So what if his parents are nosey- most parents are :). They see it like taking an interest in their children 's life ,lol- and to some... (read in full...)

Why does he stay if I do nothing for him sexually?

Q.   Why would a guy who never initiates sex want to go on sites and chat 2 other women ? My partner of nearly 3 years isn't that interested in sex well not with me ... He gets Viagra from doctor and takes it but it always feels like it's staged never ...

A.   23 September 2014:  Maybe it's possible that a guy can do without sex- but I doubt it will be THIS guy. He was not doing without when he was f...ing your friend, was he now ? Yeah I wonder too what ELSE you need to know ( other than ,that when he wants sex he wil... (read in full...)

Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?

Q.   I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...

A.   23 September 2014:  ?? I don't get this. They are his parents; if they have promised him a share of the profit for the sale of their house , surely they can do that and will do that regardless of where he lives ? What his address has got to do with a grat... (read in full...)

Is this an addiction of some kind?

Q.   I am an average 15 year old freshman in high school, with a regular range of problems. But we've all been in that position. Although I've noticed something a bit different. I absolutely LOVE the music I listen to (techno/electron...

A.   23 September 2014:  Interesting .You always learn something new on DC. So, are there actually schools where you can wear earphones and listen to your own thing during ( some ) classes ?. Really curious. I can't think of any teacher who would ever tolerate that, ... (read in full...)

Surely after 5 years he should be able to give me more than 'maybe one day'?

Q.   I'm looking for some advice please. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, but the last few months have been a bit rocky in my opinion. I say in my opinion, because he disagrees and thinks I'm overreacting about the fact that he still can't ...

A.   23 September 2014:  I think his upset has more practical than emotional reasons. He ralizes that ( probably ) you can't be paying both a mortgage AND a rent. If you move with him, you pay half of his rent. If you pay your mortgage ... there's nothing in it for ... (read in full...)

This friend won't give me the support I need, how do I deal with it when I'm alone with her?

Q.   Hi Agony people, My problem involves a good friend of mine. A few months ago I was abused and cut up by so called friends. Other friends of mine had been told lies about me also and some of them turned on me and gave out to me for everythi...

A.   23 September 2014:  I agree with Honeypie. I realize that you went through some emotional trauma which may seem banal to other people, while instead affected you to the core, and , it will take you the time it will take you to overcome it. You can't force or rush ... (read in full...)

Do many people have one night stands?

Q.   I am single 29 years old now. 3 years ago, i joined filipinocupid site because of curiosity. I uploaded my photo and i got many interest from different men so it excites me and started exchanging messages to those guys i got interest with. After 3 ...

A.   23 September 2014: Who cares about what American guys do oe want ?! Yes, American culture is more sexualized and promiscuous than others , yes sex often cones into play at an early stage. And in all the world men , if needs be, will say " I love you, you are ... (read in full...)

I came on too strong and scared him off -- any way I can fix this?

Q.   A little over a month ago I met a guy and we went on 3 dates. The first 2 dates went amazing and I really felt a connection but on the third date I slept at his place and things got a bit awkward, I kind of came on too strong, asking too many ...

A.   23 September 2014:  If he never got in touch after the third date, it's quite probable... this is not going anywhere. Personally , I do not much believe in all these guys getting " scared off ". I found that when people are really interested, or at least, real... (read in full...)

LDR since Dec 2013. Plan to see each other in 2015. So why did she get upset about talk on intimacy?

Q.   Hello, My girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship since Dec 2013. We met online and in one month, we will finally meet in person. She will introduce me to her family and relatives, and well even be going to an island resort fo...

A.   23 September 2014:  She does not even know if you two will be really mutually attracted in person ( and the same is true for you )... and you already start negotiating rules and regulations ?... Yes, you like each other, yes , you both have invested in each othe... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm playing the part of my friend's mom and its too much for me!

Q.   I'm having difficulty with one of my uni friends and have been for the past year and it's really winding me up. If you have any advice, I would really appreciate it. When we first met, it was over the internet because we knew we were on the same...

A.   22 September 2014: Sorry but you've got only yourself to blame. There's a big difference between helping your friends, in a pinch, and taking on yourself their duties and responsibilities. You haven't helped her, you have babied her. Stop being passive aggressi... (read in full...)

How can I be less awkward about not drinking?

Q.   At parties/bars can you not drink and be successful with girls there? I ask because I dont drink because Im an athlete and drinking weakens my performance. I am not the most socially confident though so when a girl asks me why im not drinking I cant ...

A.   22 September 2014: I think that " I am an athlete , drinking affects my performances " is a most reasonable, excellent reason. Not that you need any particular excuse for not drinking , if it was something like " I don't drink because I don't like the taste or smel... (read in full...)

It seems like a normal, everyday woman isn't enough for a man anymore

Q.   Help after lengthy narriage I finally have been meeting some new people. However, I am finding this whole dating thing quite a struggle . It seems that I am competing against a world where men now want it all ... A thousand women , eternally young , ...

A.   22 September 2014:  If you limit yourself to dating sites, or make them your main hunting ground, yes, it's normal that you have this perception. Nor thar all men on dating sites have necessarily to be crazy, kinky , perverted or superficial. But... it's a bit li... (read in full...)

Why does he stay if I do nothing for him sexually?

Q.   Why would a guy who never initiates sex want to go on sites and chat 2 other women ? My partner of nearly 3 years isn't that interested in sex well not with me ... He gets Viagra from doctor and takes it but it always feels like it's staged never ...

A.   22 September 2014:  Why does he stay... well, to begin with, ... has he got somewhere else to go ?... can he afford to live on his own/ pay his own rent ?... Just wondering. ... (read in full...)

Why is my ex trying to stay in my life?

Q.   My ex is trying to find ways to stay in my life. I feel like he's pushing us to hang out and be friends. We were together many years and been broken up for about 4 months or so. Neither of us have moved on to other people and he doesn't say anything ...

A.   22 September 2014:  How do you know that he does not want you to be fuck buddies ? Do you know that for a fact ? Because, if you are the poster whom I think you are..... and I really think I got that right.... that's exactly what he wants, and he has shown it a... (read in full...)

The ex: should I be concerned that I have been told that I am not "good in bed" ?

Q.   Dear Aunts, My worst fear has come true. I was told I was bad in bed he said I'm not freaky enough. I like romantic slow passionte sex he likes rough play. I feel like I cant do the things he wants so the connection is fading away in other dept ...

A.   21 September 2014:  Then don't take his calls ! don't answer. Apparently, you may be " not good in bed " but you aren't totally bad if he is sniffing around you for more. That's his problem, though. Your problem is , WAS in fact, that you two are not sexually ... (read in full...)

How do I handle the fact I have health issues but my husband is indifferent to how I feel and to my health?

Q.   I have a lot of medical problems, some serious such as Ischaemic heart disease, diabetes, and rheumatoid arthritis, and my husband acts indifferent about them. Tonight, I told him that I’ve been feeling extremely poorly lately with no energy, ...

A.   21 September 2014:  Ok, I am on slippery ground here, and I am risking to be judged an insensitive , heartless person ( as, deep down, you think of your husband ? ) but... I don't know about ischemich disease, but the other two are chronical , lifetime conditions. ... (read in full...)

Should end our relationship now, or try one more time to save it? She doesn't want children.

Q.   My partner and I have been together almost 4 years. However our sex life has been non existent for about a year now. I've tried talking to her about it but nothing ever really comes of this. I know sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it is a...

A.   21 September 2014: . And she did not want to hurt you either, but you are not right for each other. She may be an amazing person in your eyes , and / or she may be an amazing person objectively , but she can't / does not want to give you two things that are very impo... (read in full...)

Is it time to end the relationship?

Q.   Hi, I'm a 27 year old bisexual female and I've been in a relationship with my partner for 3.5years now. At the beginning the sex was great and constant however the last 12-18months has dwindled and the last 8 months non existent! She never feels in ...

A.   21 September 2014: Well,yes, it may be time to part ways. You love this woman but are not in love with her- you feel emotionally disconnected. And she, for whatever reason of hers ( either she is not attracted to you anymore, or she is off sex with anybody ... (read in full...)

He throws the word pregnant at me umpteen times......

Q.   Dear Aunts, There is a guy who I like and who likes me but we are just friends. He shares his dreams, his personal goals and encourages me to try to get the best in life. However lately, he has mentioned that he would like to have kids when he is ...

A.   20 September 2014:  I don't see what difference it makes, since you two are not even dating- leave alone committed or married. Whether he wants a baby in general, or he wants a baby from you, why, would you be so kind to make him a baby just because he wants one ??..... (read in full...)

He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...

Q.   Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...

A.   20 September 2014:  Wise OwlE is never stupid but ...he is always male, and he thinks like a male. So I'll counter his stupid male thought with my female thought. Maybe it's an Alpha female thought ( yeah I suspect that I may be a bit of an Alpha female - and that... (read in full...)

Why does my bf disappear for hours/ days?

Q.   Why does my bf always disappear sometimes for hours/days?? My bf and I have been dating for 6 months. Everything seemed to be going good, but for some reason a month to now he has change, before he would call me and night, to say goodnight and se...

A.   20 September 2014:  It would depend from his line of work. If he is a bank clerk, yeah, very improbale. Other places, they may need him to work strange hours or do a lot of overtime. But that should be sort of easy to figure out : where does he work, and what d... (read in full...)

I don't know if I can trust him. Should I remain friends?

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts, I am a bit confused and I need your advice. So anyways, I have a guy friend. We have been friends for years and he has a gf. Recently his gf when away and our friendship has gotten deeper, I have a sorta crush on him but I'm i...

A.   20 September 2014:  Since that day you told him your mind, he never told you anything sexual again. But , he's also stopped being friends and you are back to casual acquaintances . Why am I not surprised :). ... (read in full...)

Unhappy and depressed -- how do I help myself?

Q.   I have never felt this way before until now. I'm 21 and l have a 3 year old daughter. For the past few months I have been very unhappy with my llife. I have no friends at all my life consists of going to school or staying home. I have no one to talk ...

A.   20 September 2014:  Oh plenty of ideas. But I don't know if they'll help you, because I have ( maybe ingenerously, and in this case, forgive me ) the distinct feeling that , although you pay lip service to the idea of helping yourself, in fact you are more on the ... (read in full...)

Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?

Q.   Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...

A.   19 September 2014:  Eyeswideopen: good point . I concede that :). It's just that I have a problem with people who , more often than not, have furry BUTTS, telling me that I have to remove all of my hair to be acceptable. ... (read in full...)

He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...

Q.   Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...

A.   19 September 2014:  You could be the first person he has met, but not the last . And there's nothing impolite , or technically objectionable, in what he's doing, - it's just how this game is played. As for having a lot going on, yes sure. Still he sounds like... (read in full...)

Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?

Q.   Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...

A.   19 September 2014:  But that's the point, anon reader of Sept.19th : I can't claim that I have slept with all the 150.000.000 of American men, for instance, ( I was trying my best, but then I got called back to Europe,couldn't finish....NOOOOO. This was a joke... (read in full...)

Is it a good idea to tell my now-ex that I was in love with him when we were dating?

Q.   I'm looking for people's opinions about telling an ex that I was in love with him while we were dating. We broke up just under 2 years ago. We are not in regular contact. He told me that he was in love with me 2 months into the relationship and...

A.   19 September 2014:  Yes, there is more to the story... if this is the same ex bf which you used to post about in the past. The one of your birthday weekend at the resort ? After which he just vanished on you ?... I am not bringing up all the details , OP, even... (read in full...)

Friends together a long time. Then broke up. Are there factors that suddenly make people unable to stand someone?

Q.   hello there this is not really a dating question but some recent events got me thinking.. Recently two of my best mates broke up for the slightest of reason. They always had been close and inseparable. Always happy in each others company and ...

A.   19 September 2014: I don't think it's sudden, ir, the sudden argument was just the catalyst of a chang that had already begun since a while. Often, it is like... getting older. I mean, every morning day you lok at your face in the mirror, and it never seem any diff... (read in full...)

He seems to be moving awfully slowly ...

Q.   Last week, I finally had a first date with a man that I felt I had a lot of potential with. We had "matched" on that hot app over a month ago. While he immediately asked me if I would be interested in having drinks with him on our first chat, he ...

A.   19 September 2014:  That's internet dating, or app dating. He may not be a natural born player, but he is definitely playing on different tables, as it is customary, and generally implied and deemed acceptable, at least in an initial screening phase. He is prob... (read in full...)

Boyfriend never cares when people compliment our relationship

Q.   I've noticed lately that my boyfriend doesn't like or care when people compliment us on our relationship. For instance, the other day some random lady asked us for directions and then joked about how cute I looked and then said that my boyfriend has ...

A.   19 September 2014:  Then maybe it's YOUR self esteem that's a problem. You feel unattractive and you need to be reaasured about your power of attraction at every twist and turn, even when it's superfluous or frankly rididcolous. The two explamples you gave, for inst... (read in full...)

It seems like he's hiding behind his social awkwardness

Q.   Dear cupids. I need some advice. I have liked this guy for quite a long time now... Over a few years the timing has seemed all wrong. It has generally been that he likes me more than i like him. Last year we had a brief fling, and then his ...

A.   19 September 2014:  Perhaps move on. He was not too socially awkward to have a fling with you , and to have a regular gf, then. I feel that if he had feelings ( or an interest ) for you, the ice is already broken and he would be more responsive.... (read in full...)

Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?

Q.   Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...

A.   19 September 2014:  I just would like to add : " if others can do it... " ( he can do it too ). 1 ) He can, but he does not HAVE to. Everybody have our different ways to show we care and to carry on a relationship and to express ourselves within it, why it has to b... (read in full...)

His being late makes me feel disrespected

Q.   I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...

A.   18 September 2014:  I don't know... I think he understood it perfectly... it does not take Einstein to understand that if you say " see you at 7 p.m. " you must aim for 7 p.m., and not for 9 or 10 p.m... I think it's more that he just cares about what HE wants. HIS ... (read in full...)

His being late makes me feel disrespected

Q.   I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...

A.   18 September 2014:  You don't just " feel " disrespected, you are being disrespected. People who always cancel last minute or show up late ( I mean late late, not 15 minutes. We want punctuality, not Swiss citizenship ) are basically telling you : " In your fac... (read in full...)

I want the freedom to test the waters but my ex won't let go

Q.   Hello, I am a freshman at college in my third week and I broke up with my bf at the start. He loves me soo much but almost too much. He also now lives two hrs away. I need a real and tangible relationship, not just skype dates. But at the same time ...

A.   18 September 2014:  I think you need to dump him. Clearly and unequivocably. Sure he will suffer and cry !- he is in love with you. But you can't make an omelette without breaking the eggs, so if you have decided that you want to be free , to test the waters , ... (read in full...)

I'd like a bit more affirmation from her

Q.   I have been dating a woman for about 7 months. We seem to mesh in most ways but I could use a little more affirmation from her. Not long after we started dating she made the statement about how "sexy" the lead singer of a band was. Just recent...

A.   18 September 2014:  That's because you are automatically comparing yourself even when there's no rivality, - and you are comparing just in the area you feel insecure about. Why, if she has said " how good Mother Teresa was ", you'd take offence : " hey, I am a good... (read in full...)

Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?

Q.   Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...

A.   18 September 2014:  Mine is surely not the opinion you want , and it goes against the grain of a world that lives plugged to FB and Twitter and all that as if they were on life support. Your bf is a sensible guy, who loves you plenty, shows it all the time when you ... (read in full...)

Do I need to tell guys that I don't shave down there?

Q.   Same person who just wrote in about starting over sexually I just thought this was different enough for a new entry--I don't like to shave or really even trim my bush, I do very minimal maintenance.Once you're at that crossroads, where you're ...

A.   12 September 2014:  With ref. to your follow up, I think that a preliminary disclaimer would only be mandatory IF shaving or trimming down there was mandatory, and not doing it a blatant breach of etiquette , common sense or safety. But, contrariously to popular ... (read in full...)

I don't know if I can trust him. Should I remain friends?

Q.   Dear Agony Aunts, I am a bit confused and I need your advice. So anyways, I have a guy friend. We have been friends for years and he has a gf. Recently his gf when away and our friendship has gotten deeper, I have a sorta crush on him but I'm i...

A.   25 August 2014:  No, you should not stay friends, and I am surprised that your mother suggest that - but maybe she does not know the whole story. Why, do you think he gives a flying f...about being your " friend " ?... He could not have made clearer if he had worn... (read in full...)

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