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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My ex dropped out of my life for 2 years with no explanation and now he's back
Q. Hello and thanks in advance to all who take the time to reply. Two years ago my partner( not married) kind of disappeared on me. I contacted him a few times seeking explanation and closure but no response. I had my pride and stopped.As you c...
A. 5 October 2020: Lord-love-a-duck ! Eight years, and he disappears on you without even a " by your leave " ?...
That makes it even worse, - this is quite a scumbag move , unless he was abducted by aliens.
I changed my mind, don't accept the invitation, - just d... (read in full...)
What would you do if a video game or game on their phone came ahead of you in their lives?!?!?
Q. Well tomorrow is me and my guys 8 year dating anniversary. And I won’t lie, most of the relationship has been a very bumpy road. After he proposed to me is when he chose to go behind my back and start talking to other women and even sneaking out ...
A. 4 October 2020: What would I do ?... Well, if I were you, and I had been living with your bf for a while , and I had seen the way he is treating me in general all this time.... I would not be surprised at all. Upset, maybe . But not surprised. I would expect ... (read in full...)
My ex dropped out of my life for 2 years with no explanation and now he's back
Q. Hello and thanks in advance to all who take the time to reply. Two years ago my partner( not married) kind of disappeared on me. I contacted him a few times seeking explanation and closure but no response. I had my pride and stopped.As you c...
A. 4 October 2020: Did this man ghost you two years ago... and now ,after two years, he pops up as cool as a cucumber ,asking you out for dinner ?... What a nerve !
I feel the only logic decision would be to decline his invitation- with no explanations either from... (read in full...)
My friend is a user. She asks me to do things that she won't do
Q. I have a friend who's asking me to do stuff she herself doesn't want to do. At first I didn't realize what was going on, because she found ways to present things in another light. Instead of saying to others (I am not the only one) the truth,...
A. 4 October 2020: I don't think so, because you are doing the same thing you are accusing this person of : presenting things in another light.
" I can't find the book " is a lie. " My internet connection is not great "- this happens to be true atm, but you know... (read in full...)
Its been 3 weeks since I've gotten a text. Do I give up on him?
Q. So, in August, I started talking to this guy from Hinge. His name is Gabriel. I'm really into him and I think he is into me, too -- or maybe was? A week after our first conversation, his grandmother passed away. They were very close, he said. ...
A. 2 October 2020: I think you should listen to your Dad.
I am afraid Gabriel is not as interested as you thought he was.
True that he may still be abroad, busy with his family , and this would not be the time for long cozy phone chats , but it's 3 weeks ! ... (read in full...)
My partner's abuse is making me unwell
Q. my partners abuse is making me depressed and unwell. hes constantly calling me names and putting me down. the other day he went mad because i stepped in something and my shoe was dirty he was yelling and yelling at me and said hes locking me out ...
A. 2 October 2020: There's only one possible advice to give you and you know it : leave . Now. Also if you don't have a place to go, or no friends or relatives who could take you in until you are back on your feet financially. There are women shelters, or charity ... (read in full...)
I had no idea he was married, broke it off but he's still acting like we are a couple
Q. I've been dating this guy, 38, for the past 18 months now; I'm 24 and live in Los Angeles. Only recently I've found out he was married. I didn't know, not one bit, that he was married. He's a Trump supporter, I'm not but we somehow made it w...
A. 29 September 2020: Of course this is totally fake . And sloppy fake, too. Written by someone who has never set foot in L.A.
It's Westside- one word- not West Side as in " West Side Story ".
And a bachelor pad .....in South Central ? You are having me in stitches... (read in full...)
Do I leave her because we only have sex every 3 months?
Q. In a relationship over three years sex only once in three months ,she know i want it but she comes up with all these excuses , and women wonder why men cheat, am tired of doing my self, so am i suppose to tell her , i need sex , or am going to get ...
A. 28 September 2020: Some posters are indeed unlucky - life is not fair....
From his spelling and punctuation ,I'd swear that this poster is an old acquantaince; he used to write us because his problem was that he was a true romantic , affectionate suitor and coul... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for feeling it was a dumb comment at a very bad timing after all the stuff shes put us through?
Q. My boyfriends ex made it a point to be the center of attention the first part of our relationship. To the point where i was about ready to leave him despite that he wasnt really to blame for it. Though there was about 2 times he lied about ...
A. 28 September 2020: I agree completely with anon female of Sept.27th.
The comment was insensitive , that's evident. How tolerable this show of insensitivy is , would depend from several variables, like your and his personalities, the general background and circ... (read in full...)
I'm in an arranged marriage. How do I ask my future wife if she is a virgin like me? Its crucial to me
Q. I'm 25 years old and I'm still virgin. I had a lot of chances to lose my virginity but I saved it for my future wife. Because I want to have a married life with 100% trust in each other. Now I'm getting married to an unknown girl whom I just ...
A. 27 September 2020: You ask her openly and frankly; in your situation, where you don't have the time and ease to get slowly and initimately acquainted to the person, there's no shame in being blunt, it is exactly as if asked her " Are you a vegetarian ? " or " Are ... (read in full...)
My husband didn't stand beside me for a big event in our child's life
Q. Hi all, I need some advice and poitn of views. I feel so depressed and down right now. I have been married for about 5 years. I have a 4-year-old and an 8-month-old. We are in a rocky relationship because of what just happened recently this pa...
A. 25 September 2020: I'd look at the half-full glass.
I think that if your husband is an evangelist, or an agnostic who comes from an evangelist family, he has been a very,very good sport in allowing your kid to receive a Catholic sacrament in a Catholic chur... (read in full...)
We dated he broke it off and now when he sees me he totally shuns me
Q. A few months ago I went on a few dates with a man who then abruptly told me he didn’t want a relationship of any kind and seemed to disappear off the face of the earth. He works locally and I used to pass him regularly on the way to our respectiv...
A. 25 September 2020: Should you say something ?... Noooo. You'd look like a fool; a pesky fool. This guy obviously does not want to have anything to do with you and, although I admit that it would not kill him to be a bit more gracious... the fact is that he does not ... (read in full...)
Wife discovered the affair, now I am working on my marriage but can't forget my mistress.
Q. I am in agony so I guess I have come to the right place. Long story short. I was involved in a long term affair with a beautiful and caring woman. My wife discovered the affair recently and demanded I stopped all contact with the other woman, whi...
A. 25 September 2020: Let's begin by saying that personally I don't believe this narrative is genuine. At the very best,... it could be the narrative of the mistress ( this Op sounds like an old, a bit OCD frequent poster of ours ) written according to how she would ... (read in full...)
My inlaws do nothing for us but expect my husband to drop everything to help them
Q. My mother-in-law needed work done on her house costing £400 which my husband paid for with the understanding that he would be reimbursed. Now she said to him that she will give him half the money towards it saying it will be his house soon anyway, ...
A. 23 September 2020: You feel that she is taking advantage.
And how does your husband feel about it ?
Does he share your views, is he upset about his mom's greed ? Or does he shrug and say " It is what it is " ? Does he chuckle indulgently and smile affectio... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend and I broke no contact and I'm struggling with how to deal with it.
Q. My ex boyfriend and I broke up 10 days ago and were going no contact. I still sent him periodic messages on Snapchat which he did read but didn't respond to. But I did see that he did not block me. I was expecting him to. Yesterday it w...
A. 23 September 2020: .. 7 years and no committment ?.. Oh. Indeed.
That tells a lot !- mainly that you chose to see things in a rose -tinted, romantic light which may be different from how they actually are.
Love is an action, not just a word.
It's nice and soothing... (read in full...)
I have my own apartment but my family drops by any time unannounced and encourages others to do the same
Q. Growing up,y parents were very strict. There are three of us: Me (Dierdre, 22), Siobhan (18) and Aiden (14). We had no cable, were allowed VERY few DVDs, ONE computer which was literally only for school research, no cell phones except our parents, ...
A. 18 September 2020: Ok, now I am curious.
To an old hand at DC like ,modestly, yours truly, it pops out that this is a fake post. You wrote along the years so many variations of the same story, with a slightly different plot but basically always the same pap,... (read in full...)
I'm in a sexless marriage and my husband doesn't want to try to make things better
Q. My husband of over 30 years can no longer get an erection. He's struggling with a fatherless father and an overbearing mother. This seems to have him stuck in a rut and in this rut all his life. Not sure why he just can't get over it but he just ...
A. 18 September 2020: You have already got some helpful answers, I'd just like to add that... "some times a cigar is just a cigar ".
Meaning: Ok, depression, stress, anxiety, childhood traumas, Oedipus complex, whatever, any kind of mental condition could be at play... (read in full...)
Should we think about moving in his sisters house? She's bossy and controlling
Q. Should we think about moving in his sisters house my husbands oldest sister husband passed March of this year she is now saying she wont s to move out her house. I cannot stand her she controlling bossy and sure a pain in our marriage she sto...
A. 18 September 2020: I admit that I did not understand very well the whole story, like, if you'd go to live together with this sister, or if she'd just be your landlady but would live elsewhere....regardless, I'd say the decisison sounds relatively easy to take, and ... (read in full...)
I’m having problems refusing invitations coming from people who either do not take the virus seriously or have their own biases on what is safe, usually justifying what suits them
Q. Hi uncles and aunts, I have recently come across a question on « how to say no » and read your great answers. Even though my question is similar, I would really need your help, because it is specific to this pandemic situation. I’m having pro...
A. 16 September 2020: I must say that I am glad, and surprised, that for once Italy is acting sensibly and responsibly ( generally speaking, of course. There are exceptions ) Italians have a - well deserved - reputation for being self-serving, unruly, ... (read in full...)
My married bf gave up the best sex with me to go back to a sexless marriage. How is that even possible?
Q. I'm hoping to get advice from all of you wise people because I have no idea what's going on. My married boyfriend left me. He said he's going back to his marriage because his wife found out about us. We've been together for several years. I...
A. 16 September 2020: Very possible.
You said it yourself : he loves her. Granted it's not a great love otherwise he would not have disrespected her all this time by cheating with you, but let's say that he loves her as much as such a selfish type can love. I thin... (read in full...)
I'm worried and feeling impatient that my falling out with my friend isn't getting sorted
Q. I feel silly writing this but here goes I fell out with a friend over something I did with best intentions but my friend didn't see it that way As they are busy working in had to WhatsApp an apology I was genuine as I felt awful and told th...
A. 15 September 2020: I had thought too that this could be about the Linkedln episode-but it's not.The question arises, then, is this offended friend(s) the same person, or group of persons, involved in the Linkedln episode ?...If they are, even more you'd better leave ... (read in full...)
Why is my married boyfriend emotionally torturing me? He keeps leaving me and then coming back!
Q. Why would the married man I've been involved with keep leaving me and coming back? He left me in July and came back. He just left me again. He said he loves me and that's why he has to let me go. Cause he can't stand seeing me suffer cause I want ...
A. 14 September 2020: " Why does he leave me ? Why bother if he comes back ?"....
Obvious. Because he does not want you full- time. He does not want you as a permanent companion, he already has that, and an official one too.
You are a distraction, an alternat... (read in full...)
He's the perfect guy who's been there for me in the darkest of times but why is he not making it official? Is he stringing me along?
Q. Mid June i met the most amazing guy, he’s brought a lot of happiness and Comfort to me at a bad time. My mom was diagnosed with blood cancer around six months ago and shes has just been on a steady decline, shes been hospitalized weeks at a time and ...
A. 14 September 2020: You met him half June . It is barely half September now ! Less than 3 months , and he has already met your father and a few memebers of the family. And he is not going to meet your mother right now, because frankly it does not sound like it's ... (read in full...)
I'm worried and feeling impatient that my falling out with my friend isn't getting sorted
Q. I feel silly writing this but here goes I fell out with a friend over something I did with best intentions but my friend didn't see it that way As they are busy working in had to WhatsApp an apology I was genuine as I felt awful and told th...
A. 14 September 2020: You °are° impatient.. almost a bit compulsive.
No, you do not need to clear the air " properly ". You did it already : you did something that displeased your friends, and you realized it. So, you apologised via Whatsapp. You told them you felt... (read in full...)
Why does he say weird things in the middle of sex?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for two months. Just recently we started to get intimate. Last night was the second time we’ve had sex and I’m not sure if i should talk to him or if it’s just sex talk. Before having sex my boyfriend told me ...
A. 13 September 2020: Ok, first of all, you call him " your boyfriend "- are you sure you have assessed the relationship correctly ?
You wrote to DC on August 22nd, then you had just had sex once recently.... The second time only happened now , about 20 days late... (read in full...)
My husband get irritated with too many questions.
Q. My husband get irritated with too many questions. Most of my questions I ask are valid, I feel. Like driving home from town. We live in the country and he has lived here for 40 years and I have been married 5 years. I ask where neighbors land i...
A. 13 September 2020: That's one of those questions which are hard to answer when we only have one side of the story. But , generally, there's more than meets the eye.
Of course, the way you describe him, you make him sound like some sort of, not only ill-... (read in full...)
What do I do about the new girl in my life?
Q. Hello Aunts, Uncles, Everyone... This is my first time writing so I hope this is the right place and I apologise if it is not... I really want to try and be as balanced as I can... and be completely honest... I should really give y...
A. 13 September 2020: You are not man enough... since, supposedly, you are a British °female° aged 36-40 .
Anyway, your gender, and your partner's gender, does not matter at all in this instance, being a matter of principle.
And, being a matter of princile, I'd have... (read in full...)
I just found out my wife cheated on me 30 years ago and I'm a mess
Q. my wife and i have been marrid for 30yrs i just found out she told me that she was sleeping with herex for almost a year.it was ended because he died i know that if he had not passed she would have left me right now i'm a basket case even though ...
A. 8 September 2020: The timing is a bit hazy.
You got married 30 years ago, and she was sleeping with her ex 30 years ago.
Well, where you two married then ? Engaged ? Just dating ?...or maybe that happened °before° she took up with you...
IMO, that would ... (read in full...)
I'm not happy keeping secrets in regards to our son's girlfriend
Q. My son met his gf when he first went to work abroad a few years ago. She is from Brasil. Last year he got all the paperwork he needed and headed off to Brasil to get married. She had told them they could marry in 6wks from his arrival, but tha...
A. 8 September 2020: I don't know what paperwork are you talking about in ref. to pre-settled status. And from your side,too ... ?
Either this girl qualifies for pre-settled, or she does not.
If she does, she just would need to apply on line ; that's all.
Anywa... (read in full...)
How can I avoid so much conflict in my relationship and be happier?
Q. I have been with my(27) bf (29) for 6 years. Recently things have been quite intense because of lockdown and I feel like we keep falling into certain arguments. My bf is funny and can be sweet and we have a lot in common. However, he struggle...
A. 8 September 2020: You can avoid so much conflict by breaking up with your current partner and finding someone more compatible. I am not trying to be witty, - I believe that when there is such an high degree of conflictuality and such a remarkable personality clash, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend made a rude remark about my new hobby. Should I get another hobby?
Q. I am going riding with a motorcycle riding group. My boyfriend has encouraged me to get some hobbies I do on my own. I've always liked going on scenic drives on motorcycles. So I found this group. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that ...
A. 6 September 2020: Then, OP, it makes much more sense if you get a new "boyfriend " rather than just getting a new hobby.
In this case, a hobby, which is not a real hobby but just a way to tease and needle your boyfriend.
I doubt it will work. Oh he may be b... (read in full...)
Am I the bad guy or did I do the right thing?
Q. I graduated uni this year and am leaving town at the end of next week.. I dated a girl during second year of uni, and then it was going badly/she was being shady and flaky and talking to HER ex (she slept with him after we broke up, and also went on ...
A. 5 September 2020: You did the wrong thing. You shopped at Sainsburys when you find basically the same quality and choice of products at Tesco, at a lower price.
I am clowning around , obviously :). I just have to, every now and then.
You did the right thing. Y... (read in full...)
He thinks it's okay to keep things from me, and I am struggling to trust him!
Q. I am at my wit's end! My boyfriend blames me for the disagreement we are now having. He says I am paranoid and don't trust him and he acts passive aggressive, dismissing all my feelings and then later cutting off all conversation with me. I have ...
A. 5 September 2020: " We are supposed to be in a relationship ". Are you indeed ? Are you sure ?
You sound just precisely ,exactly like one of our repeat posters, the Obsessive Mistress. Sad story for the person who's living it, but this poster , unde... (read in full...)
I'm not comfortable dating a woman who doesn't share my views on sex. Should I cancel the date?
Q. Dear cupid, I decided a long time ago to remain celibate until marriage. I am not religious, it's my upbringing. Sex outside marriage whether premarital or extra marital is taboo. I been talking to a woman who has shown interest in me, and decid...
A. 4 September 2020: You have any right to stay celibate as long as you wish and for any reason you wish, but I'd like you to realize that sooner or later most probably also your next dates with other women will have sexual undertones. Maybe not at the first date, ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to quit his job to be a judge. I'm worried he is driven by money and hasn't thought things through
Q. Since the pandemic started, my husband has told me how he wants to quit his job and become a judge; he claims "No need to work from home, no annoying office politics, good pay, interesting job." He then went on to say "It's well-paid, compa...
A. 4 September 2020: I cannot believe this is a real question !
If it is , your husband is either extremely misinformed or extremely optimistic- to a quite dangerous extent.
You don't just up and " become a judge " as quick as you'd send your CV for a post ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend made a rude remark about my new hobby. Should I get another hobby?
Q. I am going riding with a motorcycle riding group. My boyfriend has encouraged me to get some hobbies I do on my own. I've always liked going on scenic drives on motorcycles. So I found this group. When I told my boyfriend about it, he said that ...
A. 3 September 2020: Probably yes.
Your bf IS jealous and insecure, and not just a little, but regardless...riding behind complete strangers on a motocycle ? what kind of a hobby is it ? Does it even qualify as a hobby ? I mean, I woud totally get it if you had ... (read in full...)
Bf masturbated to his female friend, considering leaving him
Q. my bf of 6 months has a hot female friend that posts sexy fb photos everyday showing her body and posts flirty comments on my bf's profile. they have been friends for a decade, still go out from time to time and are still in touch. they have never ...
A. 3 September 2020: " I think this is a dealbreaker ". Then, break the deal .
" I am ok with porn and random strangers but not with close friends "- then, why are you still with him ? You think, and you say, that this behaviour is not ok with you, but by staying with... (read in full...)
It's SO NOT FAIR that he gets to deduct from child support whenever he wants and says I'm taking advantage of him! I'm SO UPSET!
Q. Dear Cupid, I'm feeling quite sad and upset tonight. Seeking some advice on how to process what I am feeling and/or what to do about it. I wrote for advice a month ago (I think) about this topic, but at that time it was focused on how my daughter ...
A. 3 September 2020: Get the court to side with you and understand you ! the rest is, and can only be, all fluff... talk... opinions ... points of view. I am not saying that you have no right to be upset and to feel taken advantage of... probably you do. But we only ... (read in full...)
I know I need to end things with my boyfriend but so much is going on now. Do I wait?
Q. My boyfriend got really drunk on Friday. We were out. He drank way too much, too fast. He was a mess, I was embarrassed. One of his friends made a comment about him sobering up one day, and my boyfriend went to try and punch him, but the bloke got ...
A. 1 September 2020: ... And the prize for Clutching-at-straws World Championship goes to...OP ! You know very well that those you mention are just lame excuses to delay doing what you should do .
As a matter of fact, since this exam is only two weeks away, and two ... (read in full...)
Was this doctor inappropriate or am I overreacting?
Q. I am 35 years old and a mother of one. Happily married for the last 5 years. When the pandemic was just starting to take shape, we shifted into a new apartment complex, within the campus where my husband works. Our new neighbours include a young ...
A. 1 September 2020: You are overreacting. He is a doctor, you consulted him about your health problems, and the conversation was about helping you to solve your health problems, not about being narrated your sexual / reproductive story, about which I bet the poor ... (read in full...)
Should I just cut this guy from my life?
Q. should I just cut this guy from my life? I really don't want to but have a feeling I should for my own good. So I'm completely in love with this guy. We were school lovers and he broke my heart. Then ten years later we got back in contact with ...
A. 31 August 2020: Sorry, OP, but you have only yourself to blame . You are being stubborn, you are discounting not only your gut feelings but also simple plain evidence under your nose- so if you are going to get hurt , ....it's not as if you had not seen it coming ... (read in full...)
How was I supposed to react to this situation?
Q. We have a friend staying with us who is doing some carpentry for us (for pay), and this evening before dinner I said to the hot and dusty guy, "don't you want to take a shower before dinner?" he declined and I repeated, "are you sure? I can ask ...
A. 28 August 2020: I would have reacted by changing subject at once and forgetting about it. Your friend has not been very .. friendly , his was a sharp anser to a polite question... then again , I can put myself easily in his ( dusty) shoes and Jeez, how annoying is ... (read in full...)
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