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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [251 pages, 9984 answers]

Does her telling me to move on really mean its over?

Q.   Hello i was in a relationship with a woman for 17 months , she ended it because we argued, quite a bit , as she wanted to settle down,and i did , but not yet , she said at begining of april ,can,t say goodbye , so i,ll say goodnight, that was the ...

A.   21 June 2017:  No, most women do NOT say one thing and mean another. Particularly in your age range, by which they have stopped playing silly games if they ever did before. Of course , some do ( play games ). Those are women , though, who are mani... (read in full...)

Am I selfish or is he trying to guilt trip me?

Q.   I feel my boyfriend has the most unrealistic expectations of me and it's really pushing me away. Hr told me this evening on the phone that his back went out of place so he had to take the day off work to rest as well as see a physio. He also ...

A.   21 June 2017:  Ar a glance.. maybe half and half :) Your bf IS laying it on pretty thick- then again, it depends. The distance is 90 minutes also for him, so if he is the one who is always, or most often , driving to see you on weekends- then you do not ... (read in full...)

Why did he give up his trip with the boys?

Q.   My boyfriend turned down a golf trip with the guys next weekend. It's out of town and they go every year. He said it's because he knows I worry and he doesn't want to upset me. In the past I have given him grief. Many of the guys go to strip club...

A.   21 June 2017:  Uh ? You've lost me :) - You asked him why he cancelled the trip when he knew you were away. He said : but I did not know, I had forgotten. Why is this answer not good enough for you ? Are you in the habit of doubting regularly anything he says... (read in full...)

When I say I love you, he says thank you. Should we be in a relationship?

Q.   I just want to know a thinkg bf is a kind not intrstd in marriage he just says we will be in relationship for how long we can be.and if I say love he just says thank you...wat does it mean...I INA confused statsle now..should I finish this ...

A.   20 June 2017: Considering that in your country the overwhelming majority of marriages are STILL arranged , regardless of what Bollywood movies choose to tell us, and that if your bf is Hindu or Muslim ( combined, another overwhelming majority ! ) he may not ... (read in full...)

I'm tempted to punish him by cheating on him

Q.   Hey all!! I'm in need of some good solid advice and know this website would be my best bet for non sugar coated advice. I know I'm not the only person going thru this type of stuff, so please help me thru it. I've been dating the same guy for...

A.   19 June 2017:  Whar makes you think that he would go trough the same pain you went through. What if he is not that bothered. What if he basically does not give a f..k, except perhaps ar best because of superficial hurt to his male pride . It does not soun... (read in full...)

Why did he give up his trip with the boys?

Q.   My boyfriend turned down a golf trip with the guys next weekend. It's out of town and they go every year. He said it's because he knows I worry and he doesn't want to upset me. In the past I have given him grief. Many of the guys go to strip club...

A.   19 June 2017: Well, because you gave him enough grief in the past that he has decided that the small pleasure of hanging around his hotel room with his buddies ( or even to be able to tag along when they they visit strip clubs ! ) is not worth the aggravation he ... (read in full...)

What are some warning signs I should look out for when dating?

Q.   what are some warning signs/ red flags I should watch out for when getting into a relationship? I was in a short term relationship with a guy months ago that I got re- introduced with friends. There was a mutual attraction and I was very excited ...

A.   16 June 2017:  I think I remember your story from previous posts , but , in case I were mixing you up with other posters, what I am going to say also applies to your current post : I don't think this is a matter of red flags and warning signs , exactly. It is s... (read in full...)

Boyfriend wanted to use an old tube of lubricant during sex but I got upset because he's used it with previous partners. Am I being silly?

Q.   Hi Everyone, So I have a bit of an awkward question, but genuinely don't know if I'm overreacting and too embarrassed too ask friends/family. So my boyfriend of 1 year has had a tube of lubricant in his drawer for a while, I noticed it a whil...

A.   16 June 2017:  Yes, you are. While on one hand I understand how you do not particularly enjoy to be reminded of your bf's sexual past , which is something you'd rather not to focus on, - then again if you wanted to be coherent, by the same token you shou... (read in full...)

Who could this strange woman be who showed up asking questions about me?

Q.   Can anyone help me make sense of this situation? I live in a house. I rent the downstairs portion. My landlord who owns the home told me that this morning a woman knocked on his door asking questions about me. I was not home at the time. She ...

A.   16 June 2017:  I would exclude that this visit is your landlord's invention, why should he have concocted such a story ?, it does not benefit him in any way.. Why would your landlord want to scare you ? his interest is not in scaring you away, but in fact in ... (read in full...)

I changed my mind about having children, he wants children would this be the end of our relationship?

Q.   Hi everyone, this one is a difficult one for me. I recently got engaged to a man I love and think the world off, the time we been together we have had minor disagreements, but other than that the relationship has progressed smoothly. Lately I have ...

A.   16 June 2017: If it's just about the babysitting costs, well yes, a bit. Having children IS a costly endeavour per se. It just comes with spending money, and you should be prepared to that , if you DO actually want a child. Plus, you would spend money an... (read in full...)

My partner is making me feel bad for not letting him live with me permanently. What should I do?

Q.   When I first met my partner, I explained in the first 3 months my views about living together before engagement. I explained that I have lived with an ex in the past and it didn't work, so therefore I want to wait until engagement before living ...

A.   16 June 2017:  He is being silly- and manipulative. ( And maybe you should think long and hard if marrying him is the best choice for you, or even an option; but that's another sthing ). Why is it your fault if he did not make adequate living arrangements bef... (read in full...)

I'm not sure that I want to return to my husband. He can become abusive and violent

Q.   I am currently separated from my husband as he is staying with his family abroad due to family matters. My husband can have an extremely bad temper and I have always been scared of him and nervous around him and not the happy person I used to be be...

A.   16 June 2017: I DO try my best when I answer DC questions to put myself in the OP's shoes, to see where they are coming from.. but some times it's next to impossible : OP ! You've gotta be kidding. I think that this would be a simple, linear decision to make... (read in full...)

I didn't cheat so why do I have crabs and my husband?

Q.   I'm married I found crab louse on me I'm not Committing adultery my husband doesn't have any of those things on his body how can that be?...

A.   13 June 2017:  Pubic lice are generally transmitted through sexual contacts, but it is possibile, although uncommon, to get them through contact with bedsheets, towels, or other induments ( lingerie, swimming suits .. ) etc. recently used by an infested ... (read in full...)

My partner is falling for his ex and although I know I should end things I love him!

Q.   I've been in my relationship now for almost 6 years and engaged for 2 of those years. (No date for marriage due to both of us being at risk of redundancy) and over 5 years ago we had a problem with my partners work colleague. To give a little ba...

A.   13 June 2017:  I agree with YCBS ; I think too that you should choose for him. I realize that it's easier said than done and that it must be very painful for you to let go of the man you had planned your future with. Then again, keeping living with someone who ... (read in full...)

Six years together and she doesn't want to commit

Q.   My girlfriend of six years can’t commit. She doesn’t want to be tied down. She lives in my house but only pays towards the services – gas, electricity etc. She pays nothing towards household items but does buy some of the food. I can’t get her ...

A.   13 June 2017:  She won't give you back your life ? ... Easy : start making her pay rent - and her exact half of all food , bills, and household items . She's gonna be out of there faster than you can say " domesticity " ! This is an extremely convenie... (read in full...)

Why am I so stuck on social media?

Q.   Hello everyone About two years ago I used to hang out with a group of girls that weren't that great - they were gossip fueled - vain - and all they cared about is showing off and getting married. For two years I fell into that hole - I started...

A.   13 June 2017: Well, can't you simply disconnect from social media, if it bothers you so much ? Close your Facebok account ...and enjoy all the leisure time which Facebook currently ties up for you, and which is probably more than you have realized, by flling it ... (read in full...)

Any suggestions on how to gain the attention of this gorgeous Turkish girl when I return to Turkey for another vacation?

Q.   Hi people I'm a college student from France. So I want to share my story with you all and hopefully find a solution. A couple friends and I went on vacation to Turkey 2 weeks ago, and I met this gorgeous Turkish girl. I've never seen anything li...

A.   12 June 2017:  Not to rain on your parade, but , if you have already tried to send her textS, plural, and she never answers, maybe she is not overly interested, and SHE is the one who wants to keep it at a cute little holiday conversation ! Turkish girl... (read in full...)

He says he wants to be friends but to be patient. Is he playing games with me?

Q.   When I was 22, I was in a very serious relationship. After his father died, he broke up with me. We didnt speak for a number of years. We both married other people, and had children. We found each other again, I was divorced, he was happily married, ...

A.   12 June 2017:  He said he just wants to be friends- but you met twice and both times you " became romantic " ? Which, I guess , means sexually intimate ? Uhm. I smell a big fat rat here. People should say what they mean, and mean what they say. If for the time... (read in full...)

Is it right for me to settle for this man?

Q.   I am dating this guy he is a friend who has loved me for years. I love him as a person but am not sexually attracted to him. I have a list of reasons for staying and a list for leaving I want people's opinions: staying: He really likes me a...

A.   12 June 2017:  No. Let him go. 1 ) Isn't your dilemma quite selfish ? You are not in love with this guy and you are not physically attracted to him, but you'd marry him because you really want a child and it's sort of late in the day ( not as late as you thin... (read in full...)

Upset because I was not included on a night out

Q.   If you were not invited to a work social event and 3/4 the rest of your female colleagues were would you feel left out? It was a one colleague's 24th birthday, and later that same day another colleague's, who is 29, hens/bachellorette dinner. Pic...

A.   12 June 2017:  You said it yourself : we cannot like all our colleagues or be bffs with all ! It sounds as if you are disappointed because you think you SHOULD have been invited, but , from how you describe your interactions ar work , maybe your expe... (read in full...)

I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?

Q.   Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...

A.   7 June 2017:  I don't know about Canada, but I strongly doubt that in Western Europe you may have seen at weddings many , or even a few, black ball gowns with an " open back " and a " plunging neckline " ! The point it's not that it is a formal, even... (read in full...)

My partner for 3 years loves me. Would it be wrong to take a chance with another man who I've loved for 27 years?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have recently been contacted by the man I've been in love with for 27 years. There are songs I couldn't listen to, our anniversary date that I still hold dear to my heart. I hadn't laid eyes on him in 18 years and that one time wa...

A.   7 June 2017:  You are right in being afraid to make the wrong decision. I do not read minds, nor the future, but from how it looks... it all looks too flimsy for leaving a wonderful man who adores you and an easy and peaceful life. I mean, talk is chea... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't like blow jobs! Am I doing it wrong?

Q.   I know this may sound odd, but my husband hates blowjobs. We've been together 8 years now, married for 2 and it's always been the same since I've known him, he's never enjoyed me going down on him. I have only ever gave 1 guy a blowjob before h...

A.   7 June 2017: Yes I think he told you the truth. It's not the majority, but I know , and I know of, a few men who don't particularly like BJs and don't find them pleasurabe / exciting , for a variety of reasons. Same as, they may not be the majority... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to get upset with my boyfriend when he doesn't text me in the morning? He used to text me constantly.

Q.   Is it wrong that I get upset with my boyfriend when he doesnt text me in the morning? We've been together for nine months and he used to constantly text me, always send good morning and goodnight texts. We haven't been texting as much for the last...

A.   7 June 2017:  It is asking too much when you ask it to someone who does not really care. He does not seem too bothered with pursuing you or making you happy or whatnot, he is leaving the relationship maintenance work all for you to do. This must mean some... (read in full...)

Feeling confused. What is happening to me? I had sex with him and I'm not over him yet. Even though my feelings for him are fading.

Q.   Hello, I'm 17 going on 18 and I am a little confused about my feelings towards a guy. In a nut shell, we've been friends for a while, things got flirty, he hung out a few times, I lost my virginity to him, we decided to stay friends to avoid th...

A.   6 June 2017: That's why having sex with a friend sounds good in theory... and in practice never works :) because a friend for whom you have romantic / erotic feelings ( at least, enough to go to bed with him ) is NOT a friend: he is, in the back of your mind... (read in full...)

Is my perfectionist boyfriend overly critical of my looks? Or am I oversensitive?

Q.   My bf used to think my looks were perfect. But he seems to put me down lately. Like he doesn't like a birth mark on my nose. I can't control that. He tells me that my body is perfect for a woman my age but that I am not 20 anymore. He sa...

A.   6 June 2017:  A bit of both. On one hand, he is right. It is what is . You probably were a 10 in your 20's, and now that you are 30 you are a 9.5.I'd say you are lucky, if you keep losing "points" at this slow rythm, you'll still be a very attractive octu... (read in full...)

Advice please? I'm 17, doing my A levels, and I really want to have a baby.

Q.   I'm only 17 but I am really wanting to have a baby. I've been with my amazing, supportive boyfriend for coming up to 2 years and he's everything to me. I'm currently having a really hard time at sixth form with my A levels, and have had to chan...

A.   6 June 2017:  How kind of you to bestow on your loving families the privilege to support you and your baby,and let them expend a profusion of money, time, and physical energies on helping a couple of kids to raise another kid. They could, and should, have ... (read in full...)

What should I do? A shower get with sparkly elements for men? What could be the explanation?

Q.   Hi there guys/gals My boyfriend who I have a long distance relationship came around although asked me to run him a bath whilst on the way. When he arrived I made him a cup of tea so he sat on the bed to drink it before he had his bath. I coul...

A.   5 June 2017:  Fatherly Advice : brilliant !! You solved the mystery ! Snake Peel- it would be a scrub, basically, right ? Now, a scrub needs to contain a ( mildly ) abrasive agent. If you prepare your own homemade scrub, you can use, say, almond oil ... (read in full...)

We went on 5 dates in the past. How should I view his reaction, yesterday?

Q.   Yesterday I bumped into the guy I went on a few dates with( 5 dates) a few months ago. It were only 5 dates but it lasted almost 2 months because he was abroad and rarely could see each other. I called after him and he saw me, smiled very happily...

A.   5 June 2017:  You should see it like the normal, average reaction of someone who is NOT partucularly happy to see you and at the same time wants to be smooth, casual, and debonair. He does not want to stir up any drama nor wants that this chance encounter ... (read in full...)

What should I do? A shower get with sparkly elements for men? What could be the explanation?

Q.   Hi there guys/gals My boyfriend who I have a long distance relationship came around although asked me to run him a bath whilst on the way. When he arrived I made him a cup of tea so he sat on the bed to drink it before he had his bath. I coul...

A.   5 June 2017:  I think his explanation is perfectly plausible, there are many unisex bodywashes and liquid soaps which have, maybe not exactly glitter in them, but something shiny or shimmery. Just to look more appealing, I guess. If he did not rinse / dry ... (read in full...)

He used to like me, tells people he doesn't like me, but does he?

Q.   I'm 15 and talking to this guy I've had a crush on for this whole year. He used to like me but doesn't anymore apparently. I was out with friends the other night and when they were picking me up at my house the guy I like said I looked hot asf, my ...

A.   5 June 2017:  No, he does not. He likes the convenient opportunity for fun and games that you naively provide him by accepting to " talk dirty and whatever " to him. That, he likes, I bet. OP, you are young and inexperienced, so I am not scolding you, but... (read in full...)

Why would a man of his age want to have an affair with a much younger woman?

Q.   I am married and now having an affair with a man who told me he 70, but I did abackground check and hes 82!! My guess is he did not want to reveal his real age because I would have said no way. I really like him. I just think it's strange that a ...

A.   5 June 2017: Why is it strange ? Might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb ! And if Viagra gives you a helping hand, why not get the youngest / hottest that you can get. I don't think I am saying something sexist and ageist if I say that normally a ... (read in full...)

I went away with my boyfriend but now that we're back home, I feel like he's tired of me

Q.   My boyfriend and I went away on a mini vacation for four days together. We both had such a fun time. It's a drag to be back home to be honest. On the car ride back, my boyfriend was feeling down because the trip was coming to an end. I felt down ...

A.   5 June 2017:  I side with the boyfriend too :). You don't need to take this personally, as if he is tired of you. He is not, I am sure, but lots of people ( including me ) may very well love you to bits AND after 4 dsys of full immersion 24 / 7 just need / want ... (read in full...)

Would you stay with a guy who doesn't think you are a "vital" part of his life???

Q.   Would you be with a guy who knows he is a vital part of your life but he tells you that you are NOT a vital part of his???...

A.   5 June 2017:  Personally, I don't think that, even at your age, I would have felt or said that a bf was a " vital " part of my life. Not because I am more cynical than the average person ( well, maybe just a teensy weensy bit:) - but because I love words and ... (read in full...)

I did not choose the dress my boyfriend loved. Did I make a mistake?

Q.   Hi. I took my boyfriend shopping. He is one of the rare guys who enjoys shopping with his girlfriend. He likes to help me find clothes and watches me as I try them on and always gives me his honest opinion. Yesterday we were out shopping...

A.   5 June 2017: Perhaps a sartorial mistake ?:)- now you are going to hate me but tbh, at least here in my little , but very fashion savvy- neck in the woods , your choice would be cause for perplexity. The jury is very much split about wearing black at wedd... (read in full...)

We've been dating for 5 years. Why does he need so much attention from other women?

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 5 years. Throughout the relationship I have caught him engaging in online flirtation. He signs up for dating sites to chat with women, and he uses Facebook to chat with multiple women (sometimes the ...

A.   4 June 2017:  What a bullshit excuse ! If that were true, then 30 millions of Italians ( all the male population of Italy ) would be ALL cheaters and female attention seekers, because here EVERY child gets fussed about a lot ( too much, if you ask me ) not ... (read in full...)

What are his intentions if he messages me everyday?

Q.   Basically, I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now everyday. We met over an app and I asked if there was anything else I could talk to him on, he asked to add me on facebook and he added me on snapchat. Without a beat, we text everyday; he ...

A.   4 June 2017:  I guess it's all relative :)....I suppose that in our fast times of instant ( and ever changing ) connection, instant sex, instant everything,... 4 months may sound like a long time , particularly at your age :). To me, it does not sound like a ... (read in full...)

What are his intentions if he messages me everyday?

Q.   Basically, I have been talking to this guy for 4 months now everyday. We met over an app and I asked if there was anything else I could talk to him on, he asked to add me on facebook and he added me on snapchat. Without a beat, we text everyday; he ...

A.   2 June 2017: His intentions are to kill time , have a pleasant passtime, and enjoy a mild flirtation that makes him feel adventurous, appreciated and like he's got game... without the actual hassle and responsibilities and complications of having a real ... (read in full...)

She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)

Q.   Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...

A.   24 May 2017:  Don't approach it, then .This is YOUR fantasy only. She said " no ". ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with my sexual frustration? Masturbating seems my only option. How can I feel better about myself?

Q.   I'm 26yrs old and have accomplished nothing. I failed college, don't have a job, and I am a virgin. I feel that I am a hopeless disgrace with no future or anything of value. My problem is that I am sexually frustrated but feel like I have noth...

A.   23 May 2017: Wait wait wait. First of all, you are not trash. Don't ever say that. Nobody is trash. Convicted felons are not trash. Homeless persons and panhandlers are not trash. Illitterate immigrants from Thirld world countries are not trash. Most ... (read in full...)

I think I made a mistake in getting married to him as I don't think I can accept his culture and all the family involvement. What should I do?

Q.   I am a vey independent woman who likes a lot of space and I do not like being told what to do. I rarely see my own family as I am busy with my life and they with theirs. My husband comes from Egypt and would like me to go and live there but I don'...

A.   23 May 2017:  First ,maybe you should think long and hard if you really want to be married with him- or if you really want to be married, full stop- regardless of the logistics , and of the culture clash. I mean, I don't find anything strange in the fact... (read in full...)

She agrees to a threesome when drunk but not when she's sober)

Q.   Ok... So my wife and I have discussed threesomes with another woman and she has accepted as long as I dont participate, in other words not really a threesome just voyeurism on my part, which i'm totally cool with, but I would also like for her to ...

A.   22 May 2017:  Since your wife (hopefully ! ) spends much more time being sober than being drunk, I would assume that no, she does not want to do it. I don't care if when she is drunk she is more open to your suggestions. You take this as a sign that " deep... (read in full...)

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