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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Why is my ex-friend even trying with me?

Q.   My female friend treated me badly - she had an affair with my boyfriend behind my back, lied to me and basically treated me like dirt. We fell out obviously - but now she wants to make up and says she feels bad about everything she's done. ...

A.   16 September 2015: Maybe we can take her at face value and assume that the reason for her contacting you is precisely the reason she gave you : guilt. She feels bad about what happened and about sneaking behind your back etc. Probably she has realized that her ... (read in full...)

Was this girl a virgin?

Q.   Was this girl a virgin? This may seem like an odd question, but I assure you that the answer is important to me (I won’t get into the reasons why it is important). I have my opinion of the answer, but I’m “just a guy”. I would be very grateful fo...

A.   15 September 2015:  I'd be curious too to know why you want to know if this woman was a virgin , and what difference does it make after 7-12 years , but... I suppose I can survive if you won't tell us :) Anyway, FWIW, no I don't think it's likely she was a virg... (read in full...)

I am absolutely dreading going to the mutual friend's wedding because my ex will be there with the other woman. I feel like the loser and she will be gloating and all over him :(

Q.   Dear Cupids I was seeing a man for a few months and we were getting on really well and his behaviour towards me showed that he was really interested and keen. He said that I was fun, interesting, and pretty, and we had some wonderful times ...

A.   15 September 2015:  " The loser " ? " Gloating " ? I am sorry but I have to agree with the poster who says all this is a bit juvenile . Of course people can have negative feelings at any age, but hopefully the filter of their experience, maturity and rationality ... (read in full...)

Is this what men are really like in their thoughts and feelings?

Q.   I have only had one bf before and I'm just really confused if it is my lack of experience or in fact, what men are. My new bf been with him for over a year. We live together and he tells me how I'm perfect and how much he loves me and wants to be ...

A.   15 September 2015: No, not all men are alike, think alike and act alike in reference to women. If you have met a love rat it does not mean that all men or most men or many men must be love rats too. Same as if you were dating a vegan, it does not mean that all ... (read in full...)

I learned his native language but I feel underappreciated for my efforts! How do I broach this subject with him?

Q.   My partner of over a year was born and raised outside the UK, and moved here for work. He is perfectly fluent in English, and we have no problems communicating in it. He took me to meet his friends and family in his home country, saying that I ...

A.   10 September 2015:  I confess that I can see your bf's point of view ; I mean, if he is fluent in English and you normally communicate in English, he did not particularly need or care that you should learn his mothertongue. In fact, if you keep speaking English with ... (read in full...)

He always stares at me, but never talks to me?

Q.   Hi, so I've been in love with this guy for so long, I'm so confused if he likes me or just being friendly. So a year ago, I would always catch him staring and glancing at me a lot. I'm a very shy person so I just avoid eye contact. The past few ...

A.   10 September 2015:  That's one case where social media intervene to save the day, rather than complicate everything :). So you are shy, he is shy, he does not make a move, you neither, it can go on for ages. As the other ladies say, the simplest thing would be j... (read in full...)

Can anyone give me feedback on taking Xanax?

Q.   This is a health question, but I'm hoping to get some opinion. At the last few month , I'm having a very bad time, with numerous health complains, but when I go for tests, everything looks ok. The doctor is running of ideas, what could be wr...

A.   10 September 2015:  I took very briefly Xanax many years ago and I discontinued it ( under medical supervision ) very soon, because although it was very effective, it was effective in a weird way that did not suit me. At the time part of my problem was ... (read in full...)

Who should I go to for mental health treatment, counselors or psychologists?

Q.   Hello , First thanks for reading my post. I am interested to know about mental issue treatment. I cant go over my past. One of my family member hurt me badly in past I cant get over this. I cant move on. Which doctor I have to go to help me t...

A.   10 September 2015:  I'd try a psychologist. Not that counselours cannot be a precious help, they are, but they are better for teaching you strategies and coping skills to deal with a specific situation , a specific difficulty in communication or relationships or ... (read in full...)

How can I get my friend to get the hint she needs a boyfriend?

Q.   so i have this one friend i will call hannah. not her real name. she does not flirt w boys so me and our other friend nevaen (not her real name) have to make her. we will say we are going to the ice rink to watch a hockey game and ...

A.   9 September 2015:  Your age bracket , 13 - 15 ,is a very mixed bag, we go from girls who are already sexually active ( btw, if you ask me I think it's a very bad idea ),up to the other end of the spectrum , girls who want nothing to do with boys and flirting ... (read in full...)

I have feelings but he wont open up.

Q.   Can anyone tell me what these texts mean? . I have feelings for a man and his dad sent one text saying good luck and hope it goes well. Dont spend all your money on her.Another text he sent said don't be upset if it doesn't work out. The man I li...

A.   9 September 2015:  Uhm... is there by any chance a big age difference between you ? are you noticeably younger than him ? Or has he got some sort of baggage ( healthwise, moneywise... ) which he may think it's too much for you to handle ? Because it sounds like... (read in full...)

I have feelings but he wont open up.

Q.   Can anyone tell me what these texts mean? . I have feelings for a man and his dad sent one text saying good luck and hope it goes well. Dont spend all your money on her.Another text he sent said don't be upset if it doesn't work out. The man I li...

A.   7 September 2015:  OK, mine is probably a dumb question, but... who is the girl he is exchanging emails about, is it you ? And are you SURE about that ? Because, you know, the first impression I had of the situation at the first reading of your post is that you ... (read in full...)

I know she's just trying to annoy me, so how do I move past it?

Q.   Do I have a right to be angry? I fell out with a girl who started dated a guy who was once after me. Me and this guy never really got past first base - although I would've liked to - but just wasn't pushy enough like her. To cut a long story sho...

A.   5 September 2015:  Do you know for a fact that this woman is posting on purpose just to annoy you ?? How do you know it ? I mean, why has it have to be about you. This is a girl who, from her point of view, has made a comquest, has got the man that she wanted, and ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend plays happy families with his ex

Q.   I received a text saying that my bf was being thrashed by his ex playing crazy golf yesterday and just off to dinner with her and his sons. I knew he was taking his son out for his birthday but he forgot to mention he was taking her too. We have ...

A.   5 September 2015:  I can see how you could be annoyed or wary, but I think that it may be all very simple and aboveboard . That you would not choose to entertain your ex husband socially or to be cordial with him, it's your legitimate choice, but some people do ... (read in full...)

Does he just want sex or could we be friends?

Q.   So I've asked similar questions, but now there's more to it. So I lost my virginity to a guy who was a co-worker, at the time when I lost my virginity we were no longer co-workers because i had quit due to some family issues. I don't think it m...

A.   5 September 2015:  Awww please IP. I think you know the answer very well, nobody is THAT naive. So the guy has been sexting you and asking you for nude pics ( and btw, I think that , if you "don't know what he did with these", you can imagine it pretty well! ) . Do... (read in full...)

Why did he lie about my singing? Should I raise this with him, or drop it?

Q.   I was wondering if I should be upset or just let it go. My husband and I were at a birthday party dinner for one of his friends that I have only met once so I knew no one at this party. I fell easily into conversation with a women at the din...

A.   3 September 2015:  I think he just wanted to be polite to the other lady. Since she JUST had said that she is not such a good singer, telling her in the next breath that YOU, instead, are great could have been a bit tactless , a bit insensitive. Maybe not ,may... (read in full...)

I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?

Q.   Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...

A.   3 September 2015:  Sheesh ! Sorry but, again aknowledging that your actions and words come from good intentions and from being naturally protective of your only child and anxious about her well being ,- not only I stay by my " heavy handed ", but I am temp... (read in full...)

I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?

Q.   Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...

A.   2 September 2015: I read your update AFTER posting - where it says that you CAN find a restaurant yourself but asking your SIL 's coperation was ,in your intentions, simply a nice , inclusive gesture. I have no doubt about your best intentions, but, you see ... (read in full...)

I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?

Q.   Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...

A.   2 September 2015: You remind me of my mother. Lovely lady, but - she has a firm set of expectations and rules and regulations about how the world SHOULD go , and about what people SHOULD do and say in any given occasion, and how everybody SHOULD act or react towards ... (read in full...)

He's showing no interest whatever in wedding planning

Q.   What to do if he's stopped showing interest in planning the wedding? After two years in a long distance relationship, my fiance and I are finally living together(we've been engaged over a year)-going on three weeks. We have both been busy gett...

A.   2 September 2015: I don't think I have ever- ever ! - met any guy who was too excited with wedding planning. Except perhaps for choosing the honeymoon location, or their own wedding attire ( for the fashion-conscious : otherwise , not even that ). What for you is e... (read in full...)

Paying on a date. Am I making this too big of a deal?

Q.   Am I making this too big of a deal? I have been seeing one guy for about 3 weeks now. Everything is good and I really love to be with him, he wants to be with me, we have fun together and everything is easy and we just click. He is very caring...

A.   1 September 2015: Poor guy, is nobody willing to cut him some slack ?:) I mean, maybe he was just distracted, or preoccupied with something, his mind was somewhere else, he forgot. Maybe it was an automatic gesture, he is so used to pay for himself only, that... (read in full...)

No one will take me serious when I say I don't want sex or partying?

Q.   My siblings and I grew up in a house where my parents made it their goal to make sure that we a) graduate HS b) while not experimenting with drugs, alcohol, or sex. They let us listen to most the music we wanted to and read most the books we wanted ...

A.   1 September 2015:  OP, I am curious, what's the real ossue , and the real story ? If it is something that you are not comfortable with having debated in public, you can always PM any of the Aunts. You see, ... I have that kind of weird memory that may forget i... (read in full...)

My LDR boyfriend is letting a girl interfere in our relationship and I don't know what to do about it

Q.   So, my LDR boyfriend just started attending a new college and immediately made acquaintances with this girl. She's in a few of his classes and is working at the campus radio station. She's pretty annoying and not so bright, which we've both ...

A.   1 September 2015: I would not want you to unleash on me the same fury you unleashed on poor Uncle Sageoldguy ( who, anyway, I'd bet, was just being humorous )... so I hasten to precise that I believe that your bf is not a cheter, is not cheating on you and he does ... (read in full...)

My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service

Q.   I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...

A.   31 August 2015:  OP, by now I think you are just holding your ground out of ( misguided ) pride. Either that, or you live in a parallel society in a parallel universe where EX girlfriends are on par with legally wedded wives, and said ex girlfriend 's plans ... (read in full...)

How do I compete with the army?

Q.   My boyfriend said one day out of the blue he wants to join the armed forces, he needs to started training for it and cant be talking all the time. Since then its felt like I'm no longer a priority to him, all the things he used to do or say he ...

A.   30 August 2015:  I think that the more you grow older and mature ,the more you'll come to terms with " playing second fiddle to a job ". You will realize that's better playing second fiddle to a job with a man who is hardworking, motivated, committed to a life ... (read in full...)

My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service

Q.   I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...

A.   30 August 2015:  Hey OP this is his WIFE ! - now his widow ,actually -this isn't such an irrelevanr derail as you make it; what she wants, counts. Same as, when the man was alive, it would not have even crossed your mind to show up on his doorstep and demand ... (read in full...)

Is there ever a right time to give someone a piece of your mind?

Q.   Help. My friend who I thought was a friend was making a play for my man all along. We split up and he blocked me and then chose her instead of me, but mainly because she was stirring things up between us with lies and my ex chose to believe her ...

A.   29 August 2015:  If you've got a bit of pride, it's never a good time. At least in a case like yours. What would you accomplish with your home truths. Would she repent, apologize and give your ex back ? I doubt it. All that could happen is that she could se... (read in full...)

I made a comment to him that has come back to bite me in the butt and now I'm confused about everything

Q.   Hi all, Here is my situation. I was starting to see this guy, who was chasing me for about a month before I gave in to hanging out, which is unlike me because when I feel as though I have chemistry with someone, I tend to jump right in. Hones...

A.   29 August 2015: Sorry but...3rd vote for yes, you messed up. Hopefully not in a major, deal breaking way ; I guess this can be fixed when he comes home. If he resurfaces ( or if you decide to call him first ) once he's back, you can play it by ear, and see if ... (read in full...)

Did I overreact even though he lied to me?

Q.   Dear cupids, I posted a story I want to continue from where I stopped but before that let's just say my healing process has been slow but I am better now. The main point ...

A.   29 August 2015:  I would not overthink this, if I were you. Isn't this the same guy who snatched 35 dollars off your wallet right under your nose- and it took quite some doing to have the money back ?? So yeah, although I tend to concur with your sister, (for... (read in full...)

I have growing frustration over the ladies my best friend has chosen to be her bridesmaids

Q.   I'll aim to condense this down (hopefully i'll manage) my best friend is getting married in December and i'm her maid of honour - couldn't be more excited! but... she has made some random choices for remaining 3 bridesmaids - I think. I know ...

A.   24 August 2015:  If you are annoyed you are annoyed, and I don't think there's any authority , not even Dear Cupid :), which can allow you or forbid you feeling annoyed. If we want to reflect a bit about the rationality of feeling annoyed, then we can do that... (read in full...)

I want to confront my ex friend about her lack of respect in our relationship but wonder if I should just let things go?

Q.   I was friends with a girl for many years, even when we went apart to go to different colleges across the country. During this time, she got a boyfriend who lived in our home-town, she returned from college and they became very close. During t...

A.   24 August 2015:  Enraged ? Enraged is a heavy word, I wonder why this bothers you so much. You are disappointed that she chose to let go of your friendship, but these things happen, all the time. Not every friend you make will be a friend for life, at some poin... (read in full...)

Am I just too jaded and expecting too much of a my boyfriend?

Q.   So is it me and my large amount of bitterness and cynicism? Here are the facts, and please lemme know your ace value opinion. My bf and i have been dating for 2.5 years. As of last month I told him I didn't wanna be w/ him anymore in an em...

A.   24 August 2015:  I think you answered your own questions : you have chosen a somewhat ( personally, I'd make it "VERY" ) shitty middle. Either you can put up with his shortcomings, or you can't- and if you can't, terminate both the relationship and the coha... (read in full...)

When he's had a few drinks he divulges far too much about our relationship to others. How do I respond to this disrespect?

Q.   Hi so I've been kinda "seeing" this man for a few months now, his a lot older than me, we are both single may I add, and at first it was just a friendship thing, we enjoyed each others company I'm not looking for a relationship. Then one night to...

A.   21 August 2015: I have to disagree with Rebecca c,I think that regardless of your unofficial status you'd have ANY right to call him out on his loutish behaviour and ask him to stop. The problem is that a guy like this would not listen at all, so yeah , basically ... (read in full...)

Should I speak up for myself or stay silent?

Q.   Hi - I was on earlier about a friend in the next town who had deceived and lied to me over a man we both liked and was seeing. She is dating him now and has done some pretty mean things to me, on the sly, which I have only recently discovered ...

A.   21 August 2015:  No,let it go. Definitely and completely. Whatever happened happened lready, theer 's no undoing it, and there's no point in bringing it up again, no positive change, nothing to earn. Maybe you think that if you could vent your anger and ir elicit ... (read in full...)

I am happy dating the wrong person

Q.   I recently started seeing a guy who is quite my type physically but in other aspects no. Even as much as he has shown me his bad sides which include taking my money and not returning it. Telling me we must have sex or he can't see me. I still like ...

A.   21 August 2015:  OP,...seriously ?... There's not much that can surprise me by now, both in life and on DC, but,frankly, when I read your post I just wondered if maybe where you live there's a summer heat wave that has been impairing your judgement. Brains do ... (read in full...)

Should I get breast implants because my boyfriend wants me to?

Q.   My boyfriend wants me to get breast implants, and I don't know how I feel about it. I am naturally very flat chested, an A cup. I've never really liked having small breasts but as I've gotten older I've learned to accept it. My boyfriend wa...

A.   21 August 2015:  Tell him that you'll get breast implants IF he goes for penis enhancement surgery. If you book your surgeries together, they may even give you a discount :).... (read in full...)

Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?

Q.   My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...

A.   17 August 2015:  OP, I am pretty sure, 90% sure, that you are a gentleman who posted about this a few days ago, and in that post you give us an information which this time you omitted , but which is relevant and sheds some light, IMO, on what's going on, i.e. ... (read in full...)

A question about spenders, why does he expect me to fund him?

Q.   Why cant my boyfriend understand that every time he spends his money that he cant account for and comes back picking for a fight when i have little cash of my own to spare, that this creates a problem for me. I am not well off and probably have less ...

A.   17 August 2015:  I think he understands it perfectly !, he just does not give a damn about it. It's not lack of understanding, it's lack of concern. Between you having to go without, and him having to go without, he has no doubt what's the better solution. ... (read in full...)

Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?

Q.   Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...

A.   17 August 2015:  Erm.... you do not have to wait until 40 to have sex of course !, but just for the record,.. yes you are confused- and misinformed. In general sex is way moooore enjoyable, unhinibited, intense and HOT at 40 than at 25,ask anybody . It may ... (read in full...)

Is it worth me hanging on in there as his friend and waiting for when he's ready?

Q.   I have met a lovely man who is currently going through a divorce after a very long marriage. I have been divorced for 10 years and have been single for most of that time. We're both in our early 60s. Over the past two months we've been seen ...

A.   17 August 2015:  No, don't wait. If you can enjoy his companionship for what it is, no emotional strings attached, no getting yourself into it too deep, then sure, appreciate your new friend and his attentions and the good time you are having together. But if ... (read in full...)

Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?

Q.   Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...

A.   17 August 2015:  What's the rush ? Is there a time limit, an expiration date ? Why can't you wait to lose your virginity to someone who is NOT a loser , and that in your mind fully deserves to be your first lover ?... (read in full...)

What does it mean if he asks me back to his place but then does not ask for my telephone number?

Q.   What does it mean if... He asks you to go back to his place, but doesn't ask for your number, or to go on a date. Advice would be appreciated right now. ...

A.   17 August 2015:  OP,... do we have to draw you a picture ?:)... Because he wants to get laid, that's why. Here and now. The future ( even in the modest terms of a future second date ) does not seem to be very high up on his agenda. ... (read in full...)

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