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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [247 pages, 9824 answers]

He's been flirting with me, but after seeing him out with another woman I'm not sure how he really feels!

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy nearly two years ago. Did not like him to begin. Then started to get to know him and he started flirting he gave me his number. Cutting a long story short, we have been talking for many weeks and my feelings h...

A.   28 February 2017:  Then give it time,if this is your preference, but not too much time. Considering that nothing has happened in two YEARS, which is quite a while . Decide in advance how much time is reasonable to invest in this hope , without any guarantee of ... (read in full...)

Is it too soon to sleep with him?

Q.   I need your opinions and thank you in advance. I am 40 dating a guy who is 48 for 3 weeks. We have been on 16 dates already. I know it is too much with some standards but he is just head over heels for me and has told all his family and friends and ...

A.   28 February 2017:  I don't think that age has got anything to do with this, it's always the same if you are 20, 40 or 60. It's not about age, it's about your expectations. You have no particular demands or plans for your romantic life ? Are you willing to just be i... (read in full...)

My FWB grabbed me by the throat when I said I would find sex elsewhere!

Q.   I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We made it very clear we do not want a relationship with each other. It is just friend with benefits kind of thing. We are really good friends and we're not sleeping with anyone else. Last night we ...

A.   28 February 2017: Banal answer,...but probably not too off the mark : because he was DRUNK and he is a "mean " drunk. Alcohol releases inhibitions and in some people brings out in the open dark,violent impulses that they can keep on check when sober. He was anno... (read in full...)

We both want to have sex but I'm not sure I am ready

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 months and he has fingered me and I have given him a hand job. We've both considered having sex but I'm not sure if I'm ready. Sometimes I want to have sex and I feel confident but sometimes I get too scared I ...

A.   27 February 2017:  If you are not sure if you are ready or not- then you are not ready. When you are ready - you know it, no doubt. As simple as that. Do yourself a favour , though- when you feel ready, get also reliable contracception ,though. The pill or the s... (read in full...)

His family want us to marry, mine don't!

Q.   Dear Aunts and Uncles, I 'was' dating this guy for a little over two years. We have both met each other's families and all was well until last December when his family started asking him to get married. Now the problem is I am in my early 20s ...

A.   27 February 2017:  " I have always been there to support him emotionally and FINANCIALLY in his times of need ". Ouch,ouch. Pardon cynical me, but I believe this is an obvious explanation, maybe not of why HE wants to marry you ( hopeful he also has feelings for ... (read in full...)

Workplace problems... Did I deal with Jimmy in the right way? How do I handle the situation now?

Q.   I've worked at 4 different job locations during my 8 years of working for this company. I've never really had "true friendship" with any of my co-workers because I was always the "new person" to join the facility. I came to this location about a ...

A.   27 February 2017:  That's a strange story- I don't even understand how you could do what you did without a) the unions descending upon you like a Ride of the Valkyries b ) Jimmy suing for illegal disciplinary action c ) maybe even pressing charges . Now, I know... (read in full...)

He's been flirting with me, but after seeing him out with another woman I'm not sure how he really feels!

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy nearly two years ago. Did not like him to begin. Then started to get to know him and he started flirting he gave me his number. Cutting a long story short, we have been talking for many weeks and my feelings h...

A.   26 February 2017:  I don't see much room for confusion here. Particularly if " I have been told to lay off him " means that you have been told this by the guy in person !, I think the message is crystal-clear : he does not wish to be in closer relationships with ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her out online or in person? She is shy.

Q.   I don't know if I should ask her out in person or online? We talk often, and get along well. In fact I often see her staring, and all of the signs that tell me she likes me are clear now. She's shy, and probably won't ask me out herself, so I thin...

A.   25 February 2017:  In person. Absolutely.... (read in full...)

Would I be betraying my Mom's memory if I get close to Dad's new girlfriend?

Q.   Hello, My name is Bree. 2 years ago my mother died and it has been sad and rough for my Dad and I. When my mom died it really broke my Dad's heart, he loved her so much and misses her, and I miss her too. But last month my Dad told me he met another ...

A.   24 February 2017:  I don't think you would be betraying your Mom's memory. Your Mom is your Mom forever and nobody will ever be able to take away her role in your life and her place in your heart. Ever. But, as cruel as it may sound to a mourning child, life goe... (read in full...)

Should I stop having sex with my boyfriend???

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months. During month 6 he proposed to me the issue I am having is with sex I want enjoy having sex with him but I crave it so much I feel overwhelmed. We don't have sex often because I really want to s...

A.   24 February 2017:  I was puzzled too reading your post. What does it even mean, " I want to save *most* of sex for marriage ? Sex is not a pie, that you can have a slice today but save most for Sunday dinner.. Either your spiritual values allow prem... (read in full...)

So many questions with him paying for porn

Q.   Hi there, I know the topic of my question has been discussed a lot but I still feel the need to ask. I have been with my boyfriend for 1year and a half and everything has been great, I had my own place and he has his. Then, this summer, my lease...

A.   24 February 2017: ...If it ìs allowed as long as you don't get caught,... then it is NOT allowed ! That's a bit like saying, " bank tellers can take a tenner here and there from the safe and pocket it,... as long as they don't get caught ". I think he DOES ... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: No, a kink is not necessarily something negative. As long as both partners agree . Nevertheless, IMHO, a kink is... a kink. Not an " act of true love ". And suckling a baby is waaay different, phisically, psychologically and cultural... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the residual odor of cigarettes is drifting into my apartment from the apartment below. How can I get rid of the odour?

Q.   I am 6 months pregnant and iv literally tried everything for the cigarette odor that has been drifting in my room from the apartment beneath me to disappear. I talked with the neighbors below me, but they didn't seem like they would change. And si...

A.   23 February 2017:  I think that probably the actual quantity of cigarette smoke that reaches your place from your neighbouts' apartment is so infinitesimal that can't pose a threat to your and your baby's health. This, if , as you say, there 's no hole / pipe / ... (read in full...)

Why does he run hot and cold?

Q.   Hi i need some advice here.. I've been seeing this guy for a month now We dont have any label in our relationship The first 2 weeks he's been so caring Were more like a cat and a dog but his sweet at the same time but suddenly he keeps on ignorin...

A.   23 February 2017:  What you are doing wrong, at least from his point of view, is that you are doing " we have a relationship " while he is doing " casual dates ". You want to know where he is when he is not with with you, you want to know why you did not hear... (read in full...)

The way he manages money puts marriage in doubt

Q.   Hi, So I have a question regarding relationships and finances. What do you think about being in a relationship with a guy who says that it will be a long time before he can get married, and the reason is that he is in a lot of debt because of ...

A.   23 February 2017:  After only reading your first two sentences, I thought : well, he is honest. And sensible. He does not want to drag his partner in a bad financial situation and have her spending options / lifestyle limited, or her credit rating damaged, by ... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017:  anon female : yes, but generally our inborn maternal instinct is translated into different actions and behaviours according to variables like age / relationship / situation. Generally an adult woman will manifest her maternal instinct towa... (read in full...)

Sucking on breasts. Is that so enjoyable that it can be described as an act of love and deeply satisfying when between two adults in a relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupids Having experienced the wonder of a female friend breastfeeding her child a question arose. When a woman breastfeeds her child, it's a highly beneficial situation for both of them. Not only in nourishing, but also for bonding, cl...

A.   23 February 2017: ...If a woman has got steel nipples and concrete breasts, I guess it can work :): Otherwise, what you describe sounds to me (...and to a Whole lot of other women ) exceedingly painful and irritating. Why, even the gentle sucking of a newborn may ... (read in full...)

Is he confused? Playing me? Using me as a rebound?

Q.   I was seeing a guy for few months, he told me he loved me multiple times but all whilst drunk, i responded saying that i did like him but didn't love him. The last time he said it he made little to no effort to see me, when he would normally come ...

A.   21 February 2017:  I think you can't have it both ways... This guy seems to be always drunk. Or at least, drunk most of the times when you see him. And you seem to take quite seriously the nice things he says when he is under the influence: " I love you " " I want... (read in full...)

I hope I'm wrong but wonder based on these signs if should I just move on?

Q.   I normally have a really good intuition about relationships and men, but oftentimes ignore it in hopes that I am wrong. I'm sort of hoping that I'm wrong this time around, but I digress. I met with this guy about a month ago. He is older than me...

A.   21 February 2017: ... He's just not that into you (: If he is relatively new in your town ( one year ) , and swamped with work and personal committments, it makes sense thar he may not have , or wish he had, time and energy to meet someone for a relationship ,and... (read in full...)

Am I normal for hoping he could overcome his alcoholism?

Q.   I want to know if I am normal. I have been involved with an alcoholic on/of for ten years. I miss him deeply, like I am vexed. My mind knows the truth but my heart can not get the message. I weigh out the cons but the love I feel and felt outweighs ...

A.   21 February 2017:  It is difficult to answer you with a yes or no, because basically you want to know if it is normal to believe in miracles. You have been dealing for the past 10 years with a raging alcoholist who does not love you and does not love himself. You ... (read in full...)

I feel like my boyfriend is making me chose between him and my daughter

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for almost six years and my daughter recently moved out to go to college and tends to come home in the weekends. There have been several occasions where my boyfriend has made comments about my daughter getting ...

A.   21 February 2017: He is tryng to make him choose between him and your daughter ? Well, then, make him happy and choose : choose your daughter. What a nerve. He is not even your husband , just a boyfriend,- he lives in your house, and gets to say how long and how ... (read in full...)

Why do I allow him to treat me like trash, throw me out and then let him back into my life?

Q.   Hi, I would appreciate some outside perspective on the situation I'm currently dealing with. I started dating someone last year that I had known for about 10 years though granted we were mostly only acquaintances during that time with limited int...

A.   21 February 2017:  " Why am I so desperate... ": Wrong question ( unless it is a rhetorical question , a " why oh why " to vent your frustration ). Who knows why. Maybe you have a low self- esteem. Maybe you are terrorized by being alone, i.e partnerless. Mayb... (read in full...)

A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?

Q.   Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....

A.   21 February 2017:  Hopefully we aren't ignorant of the meaning and common usage of words in English, though. ??? " To feel a connection " means to feel that you have a particular bond with a person, that you can easily relate to their feelings / opinions / expe... (read in full...)

Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?

Q.   Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...

A.   21 February 2017: OP, so far in your posts you have always chosen to glide over the financial details of your arrangement- which is absolutely your right, of course, it's not that at Dear Cupid we can , or would, demand to know what you are spending your money ... (read in full...)

Is he just being a generous best friend, who loves my company? Or is he in love with me?

Q.   Good morning Aunties, I have a mighty problem I need help with. I am a bisexual man, 33 years of age. I am attracted to this 19 year old guy. He says he doesn't love me as a lover but as a friend. He says he is Christian and that his parent woul...

A.   20 February 2017:  .. Does he pay you rent , since he has moved in ? Does he pay for his share of the utilities ? Food ? Gas ?... When you go out ( movies, dinners, bars, whatever ) do you go Dutch, or do you spring for him too ?... He gives you snacks,.... and ... (read in full...)

Help, he dismisses my feelings of rejection and that he's being disloyal!

Q.   I've been with my partner for 3 years now I'm 23 he's 28. We have a 19 month old daughter and lived together almost the whole relationship. Hes never gave me one single compliment but I've got over it thinking he's just not that type of person. But ...

A.   18 February 2017:  He dismisses your feelings- recipricate and dismiss HIM. No affection, no sex, no companionship, no help, no coparenting-he is not your bf, he is your rooommate and a nasty one as for that. If he does not work, too, I suppose he does not brin... (read in full...)

Should I really start planning a future with him?

Q.   Hello! My boyfriend and I are both 20 and met at his hometown in Denmark in October before we took the relationship to long distance. So far he was my first everything-my first kiss, my first boyfriend, and my first time having sex (i don't regret ...

A.   18 February 2017:  Everything is not perfect there ? Well, everything is not perfect in USA either :)- and said by one who loves USA very much. And if you always had a dream to live in Northern Europe, sure , keep the vision alive, who says that your dream cannot ... (read in full...)

I'm scared my girlfriend is going to break up with me because of the distance

Q.   Dear friends Well I'm quite scared my girlfriend will break up with me. I have had three relationships and the previous two both progressed the same way. It was perfect for a while, then they started to criticise me, act a bit cold. Then one day...

A.   18 February 2017:  4 months are not , objectively, a long time to be apart, and although maybe when you are in love even a week may feel like a lifetime, I feel that the difference between infatuation and a more serious, mature feeling is precisely in the way you ... (read in full...)

My family expects me to get married, but I'm more attracted to men and gay marriage isn't an option. How do I convince them I'm not the marrying kind?

Q.   Hi, I'm much more into men physically/sexually speaking. The hitch is that I live in a traditional and homophobic society.My family want me to get married any time soon. How can I "convince" them I'm not the marrying kind, without telling them I'm ...

A.   17 February 2017:  It depends. If you are a Muslim, the answer is simple : you just can't. There's no such a thing like " not the marrying kind ". Your parents want you married not just because they'd like to have grandchildren, or are afraid that you feel lon... (read in full...)

He suggested we have a meal together. Do you think it's a date?

Q.   My male friend and I were supposed to just be going out for drinks this Friday night, but he asked me if I wanted to go out for a meal before that too. Do you think it's a date? He hasn't said whether it is or not. I feel nervous about havin...

A.   16 February 2017:  Yes he likes you. Even if it's not really a date ,... you can turn it into one. Go get him , tiger :)... (read in full...)

If he misses his ex does that mean his affection for me was fake?

Q.   Seeing him for 3 months. He told me he loved me 3 separate times when drunk, to which I didn't respond. He came over to my place all the time, he said he wanted to meet my parents. Then the last time he told me he loved me, the next day he just sto...

A.   16 February 2017:  Are you really saying that the the reason why he poured his beer on you , in public and unprovoked, and walked off.. is because he cares about you ?? Well... then all I can say is : thanks God that he did not care even more ! Because then... (read in full...)

She has helped me a lot through some difficult times. Would it be acceptable to send her flowers as a thank you?

Q.   I have a female friend who I have known since I was 4, she is the same age as me and although we lost contact for a number of years. We are back in contact. Whenever I had problems she always knew what to say and since being back in touch she has...

A.   16 February 2017:  Yes, tell her . At once. Maybe she is upset because she is scared s..tless. The world has changed and not always for the best. 40 years ago if I had received an anonymous gift of flowers , probably I would have said " Oh ! A secret admi... (read in full...)

My LDR is in limbo. What should I do?

Q.   I'm writing this to gain clarity and ask for help on a seemingly complex situation that I find myself in. Last February I met a guy through common friends during a little party. We never really talked much. But a week later he contacted me on faceb...

A.   16 February 2017:  Oh yes , it is high time to toughen up. I understand that when one is in love ( or infatuated.. ) toughening up us difficult but, to quote the anon female reader :Hunny are you for real ?! I counted the times that you mention " And then he did ... (read in full...)

I have trust issues. He talked and flirted with a girl. What should I do?

Q.   So my boyfriend and i have been together a little over 5 months. And things are absolutely stinking amazing! The only issue is.. I have a hard time trusting him and dont know what to really do. Towards the beginning of our relationship he ...

A.   16 February 2017:  You do not have trust issues, you have an untrustworthy biyfriend. He lied once, get caught, promised not do to it again. Fine, everybody deserves a second chance, or so people say. Then- you caught him the second time ( in 5 months ! and... (read in full...)

I like older guys. He was respectful to me. But then his decision to ejaculate on my face bothered me. Were his actions out of line?

Q.   I'm attracted to older men and that's what I normally date. I met this guy recently. He's 34. After exchanging texts for a while, we went out. It went really well. We had great conversation. There was chemistry between us. It was great all around. I ...

A.   16 February 2017:  I don't think it is a red flag per se. Although probably this sexual behaviour has been widely popularized by porn, let me assure that the act of ejaculating on some part of the partner's body ( belly, breasts, face too.. ) was well known and ... (read in full...)

Should I explain to my ex? Or just let him think what he wants?

Q.   Well, It all started when the guy I was seeing for a 1 1/2 years dumped me out of the blue... I moved on and met someone else who was going out of town for 2 months.. (New dating by this time) This new guy is nothing like my ex.. he's sucessful, ...

A.   16 February 2017: By all means just move on and let him think what he wants to. He is your EX. Twice. So , he belongs to the past , no point in dragging him along in your present . What is done is done. File him under " case closed " and move on. Let me add, tho... (read in full...)

A straight friend wants to have sex with me. Should I?

Q.   Hi.i have a friend who i would like to have sex with.he is straight i am gay. What should i do?ahead thanks....

A.   16 February 2017:  What shoud you do is to forget about it and leave him alone. If he is straight, .. he is not gay ( duh ) so he is not interested in having gay sex. .... (read in full...)

Is he interested or not? He's confusing me.

Q.   So, I work with a foreign guy (a backpacker) and we've worked together for about 3 months. Probably in the past month or so I've taken more of an interest in him and actually find him very attractive and I feel like he flirts with me while we work ...

A.   15 February 2017:  So what if, having someone at home, he " should not " flirt. People do all the time things they should not do- particularly if they don't have to face immediate punishment for that. People should not smoke cigarettes or eat fatty foods, but ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend keeps pics of hot women on his phone and it bothers me

Q.   My bf keeps my photos on his phone and he also had lots of pictures of women he collects on there like models , some porn stars and women he finds hot. It makes me feel so horrible being just one of so many , like how am I even special when so many ...

A.   14 February 2017:  No disrespect meant, but... maybe what's wrong with you could be your taste in men, your selection criteria ?... I agree with the anon, to me a man your age or older who keeps a naked pieces of c... collection ( because that's what they are ... (read in full...)

Should I just enjoy our FWB relationship as it is?

Q.   I got out of an 8 year relationship last year, and recently I signed up for tinder with the intent of finding a FWB. I went on dates with a few guys, but the first guy I hit it off with so well, I couldn't bring myself to pursue any of the other...

A.   14 February 2017:  Yes, tell him and see what happens. If you keep falling harder and harder for him, I don't think you would enjoy much your outings anyway, in the nagging doubt that he is doing " casual sex " while you are doing " OMG I am in love ". Supp... (read in full...)

If he wants nothing to do with me why won't he just decline and block me on social media? Is he playing games leaving me hanging?

Q.   My question is about a guy who appears to be "leading me on". About 9 months ago we had a terrible falling out. We were supposed to be just friends but I found out he was in love with me. He was very distraught that I discovered how he truly felt ...

A.   14 February 2017:  Because blocking someone on social media / WhatsApp is an " aggressive " action, generally motivated by the bad behaviour of the person being blocked, and / or by a severe distaste/displeasure of the blocker toward the blockee. In your cas... (read in full...)

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