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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [238 pages, 9482 answers]

How does this plan look to you?

Q.   So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...

A.   20 September 2016:  Debatable. I mean, it's early to say ; just hold your horses a little bit, in terms of assumptions and enthusiasm, until facts have confirmed what you " know "- by which, you mean what you *think * about him, or what he has told you about ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to break this off?

Q.   Hi guys, This could be a bit of a long one but ill try not to waffle too much. Bit of a backstory: Got myself into a huge pickle with a girl, we're not speaking anymore but we were doing for 2 years, it started out both of us wanting somethin...

A.   19 September 2016:  I think you are sensible . You are doing whatever works best for you to protect your feelings , digest the end of what for you was a meaningful relationship, and be able to move on in the shortest possible time. If you feel that seeing her ... (read in full...)

How does this plan look to you?

Q.   So I have posted about a guy I met online. I managed to find cheap plane tickets to visit him, so I am going there in a little bit. We have been messaging for over a month and skyping/texting for over 2 weeks. I really like him and I just want to ...

A.   18 September 2016:  Since you booked the flight and paid the ticket already.. go of course, but try to not have too many expectations and to not pit your hopes too high up. If he is so passive , and you feel that if you had not been so proactive you would never have... (read in full...)

My mum won't let us marry, should we run away?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a secret relationship for 6 years now. This is because my mum simply won't allow us to marry or be together. She strictly forbids it due to past conflict with their family against ours. (As you can imagine it's ...

A.   18 September 2016:  What I just said : of course you will have to do that against her wishes, she made pretty clear that she does not want you to be with this guy. So, how scheming and conniving and going behind her back will make things any better, and will make... (read in full...)

How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him

Q.   PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...

A.   17 September 2016:  Oh indeed, so the guy was not married ? and he is living with you, not with the official partner ? Uhmph. If I may be totally honest ... I am skeptical :). What most repeat posters do not realize , when they keep posting and telling us abou... (read in full...)

Have I put the final nail in the coffin or is the friendship still okay?

Q.   I'm friends with a female co worker. we have had out fair share of fallings out but have always made up. as it was her last day at work, I shook her hand and wished her all the best with her new adventure as she is moving to start a new job work...

A.   17 September 2016:  The wrong thing ,but you should know it already. If I remember correctly, this same girl blocked you on Facebook or other social media precisely because you had been too invasive with public messages and this had got mutual friends / acqu... (read in full...)

How do I go back from a bad first impression?

Q.   I said something without thinking and now someone at work is offended. I feel so stupid because I didn't even realise it could be offensive. But a TV presenter introduced himself to me and also made it known that he was a presenter. I didn't ...

A.   17 September 2016:  But are you sure he was actually offended ? How do you know ? Maybe he was just surprised that you did not recognize him, since people generally does. But I don't think that even the most conceited Tv presenter cannot figure out that yes, ther... (read in full...)

My mum won't let us marry, should we run away?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a secret relationship for 6 years now. This is because my mum simply won't allow us to marry or be together. She strictly forbids it due to past conflict with their family against ours. (As you can imagine it's ...

A.   17 September 2016:  I don't understand your logic, or what the elopement would actually solve. I think, or at least hope, that you do not mean that your mom will physically prevent you from reaching him- like, by locking you into your room and keeping you pris... (read in full...)

My husband's constant staring makes me think he will cheat

Q.   My husband is a good man.i share a good relationship .he is very handsome and well educated. I am also equally attractive. However I caught him flirting just by eye staring wit few women,they are less attractive comparing to both of us( am not ...

A.   17 September 2016:  Pardon me, but if he is not simply looking at attractive persons, ( as it is normal and sort of an authomatic reflex, whetehr we like that or not ) but ogling and staring , I doubt he is so dignified , he'll probably will look like a lecherous ... (read in full...)

How can I find a way to trust my boyfriend? Because I feel I can't trust him

Q.   PLEASE HELP ME. I am at the END of my rope. I have been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and I just CANNOT trust him no matter what. No matter what he says or does. I CANNOT trust him. I CANNOT DO IT. It is making me paranoid, jealous, ins...

A.   17 September 2016:  Of course you cannot trust him !- because he is married and still living with his wife. That tells you two things : -that he is quite capable of cheating and deceiving when it suits his interest, - and that his proclaimed " love " for you is ... (read in full...)

Why go through the trouble of introducing me to friends if it was just a fling?

Q.   I dated this guy for about 3 weeks. In that last week, we had sex. This is something I've never, ever done before (ever!) so I can't believe I slept with him so quickly. But I did, and things kind of fizzled out after that. We haven't seen each oth...

A.   16 September 2016:  Sire, please keep us updated. Chin up and... be safe ( which - I think you agree by now - may include also do not " help " yourself too much through alcohool :). Good luck !... (read in full...)

Your suggestions please to break the good news

Q.   Hi Cupids! So - kind of a fun question for you all. I just found out that I'm pregnant with baby #2, and I'm not sure how to tell my husband. He's gonna be stoked, and I thought that maybe I'd have a little fun with it. Any suggestions?...

A.   15 September 2016:  Hey, congratulations ! Send him a letter - envelope, stamp and all. " Dear X, this is to advise you not to take any committments or plan any trips on or around ( date of birth ) because that will be the time when I'll be coming a long way just... (read in full...)

Why go through the trouble of introducing me to friends if it was just a fling?

Q.   I dated this guy for about 3 weeks. In that last week, we had sex. This is something I've never, ever done before (ever!) so I can't believe I slept with him so quickly. But I did, and things kind of fizzled out after that. We haven't seen each oth...

A.   15 September 2016: Now OP do not let this episode dent your confidence . It was your first time, and I am sure that Michaelangelo was not that good as a painter the very first time he picked up a brush. As you notice, sexual compatibility is built with time and ... (read in full...)

My married BF doesn't want his wife to know about us until he has removed all his belongings from his former home. Seems he cares more about his belongings than me. What should I do?

Q.   Ok so here is my dilemma I am 29 dating my friend who is married he is 30 and his twin brother who is also 30. Ok so how this happened was I just recently moved back home and I ran into an old friend of mine that I have had a crush on since I ...

A.   15 September 2016: Would you please clarify ? Yours sounds like an interesting situation; only, you pass so casually from " they " to " he " and back that I could not make neither head nor tail of it. How does the twin figure in all this ? Are you dating both ... (read in full...)

What are some tips to keeping a LDR positive and satisfying, considering that he will be moving to a remote area without reliable wi-fi?

Q.   My boyfriend and I are going to be long distance for the next couple of months. We will both be in farely remote areas without regular wifi. A lot of tips I've read are based around the fact that you can message or call that person at all hours. H...

A.   15 September 2016:  It's only two months ! , you will survive :) It's only a matter of making a mental adjustment. Now you are probably used to text back and forth all day long, and then you will do it more sparsely and with an once a week long video call . Come on, ... (read in full...)

Does he now not want to see me any more?

Q.   I hooked up with this guy i have been meaning to hook up with months ago So i went to his place and things were going on but midway just before the intercourse i stopped and asked him to stop and just left quickly I haven't heard from him yet. ...

A.   14 September 2016:  Ah so you did explain him what happened and why- and he was not that interested ? Just " OK " ? Uhm- then yes, I guess he belongs to the first 50% I was mentioning before ; he wants " satisfaction guaranteed or his money back ". Yes, do stop ... (read in full...)

At 47 am I too short, or too big, or not pretty enough to ever be asked out by a guy?

Q.   I am in my 40s I never thought I was pretty or good enough to date any guys. I had never went on date before, no guys ever ask me out Sometimes I think there something wrong with me I guess I am pretty enough for any guys to ask me out, or smart...

A.   14 September 2016:  No you are not too short- I am just half an inch taller than you and my being slightly " vertically challenged " never ever was an issue and never deprived me of male attention. It's not the height. The weight ... look, I'll be honest, I sh... (read in full...)

Does he now not want to see me any more?

Q.   I hooked up with this guy i have been meaning to hook up with months ago So i went to his place and things were going on but midway just before the intercourse i stopped and asked him to stop and just left quickly I haven't heard from him yet. ...

A.   14 September 2016:  It sounds that the one not wanting it anymore was you. He must be baffled ! Why did you stop him mid action, and why did you run away ? And if you had your reasons , as I am sure you do ( a bout of performance anxiety ?... you felt sudd... (read in full...)

Why go through the trouble of introducing me to friends if it was just a fling?

Q.   I dated this guy for about 3 weeks. In that last week, we had sex. This is something I've never, ever done before (ever!) so I can't believe I slept with him so quickly. But I did, and things kind of fizzled out after that. We haven't seen each oth...

A.   14 September 2016:  I don't think he masterminded in cold blood a whole plan of introducing you to everybody just to give you false expectations and a false sense of security and speed up the process of getting into your pants. It's just one of those things that... (read in full...)

Is he busy or just not interested any longer?

Q.   So, I've been seeing a new guy for around one month. Since our first time meeting he's been very open to talking and texting pretty much on a daily basis and initiates much of the conversation. I've seen him about 6 times during this month. He's ...

A.   14 September 2016:  Age has got nothing to do with that. Of course it's " acceptable " to have early, or even instant, sex at 32. As for that it is " acceptable " at any age, as long it's over the age of consent. Your body is yours to do what you want with it. T... (read in full...)

How do you balance being true to your own vision with implementing advice from others?

Q.   How do we figure out the importance of being true to your own vision versus what is actually best for you. The only way I feel I have grown as a person is by listening selectively to people to see how they think I can improve also combined wi...

A.   13 September 2016:  Not more entitled and arrogant than tryng to impose on them what you * think * it's best for them. How do you know ? Who made you the arbiter elegantiarum in matters of haircuts ?..... Maybe he does not look that bad with long hair and the peop... (read in full...)

Our LDR started out with good communication and I just want that back. Am I being unreasonable?

Q.   Help! I've been in an on again off again long distance relationship with a younger man for about a year. He came on very strong, consistent, and attentive, and things were great. He would call, text, we had weekly face time dates, and he would ...

A.   13 September 2016:  But the perfect relationship was perfect just for the first 3 months ,right ? You met him on line about a year ago, so, say last September : he came on strong, then you had your long weekend together in December- he got his curiosisty fulf... (read in full...)

Should I stay at this workplace and ''prove'' myself or accept one of the offers I've received from other car dealerships? My manager here is difficult.

Q.   I need help on a career decision.. Sounds bad right? Well I have been working for a car dealership for about 5 months now. They were looking for young people with little to no car sales experience. I had a lot of experience selling other pr...

A.   13 September 2016:  Although WiseOwlE 's reasoning is absolutely sound and correct and the best course of action in theory... in practice I wonder if you'd have in 3 months or 6 months , the same opportunities which you are being offered right now. Life is NOW, ... (read in full...)

I have nothing in common with my work colleagues. How do I get out of spending time with them? Any coping strategies that might help?

Q.   I'm a fairly new member on this forum but thought I would post as there seem to be some people who talk a lot of sense when posting on here. I would be interested to hear your views on my situation.(Apologies in advance for the length of the post...

A.   11 September 2016:  I think it's simply a matter of choosing your priorities. I am afraid you cannot have it both ways: you want to be free to always do your own thing and only indulge your preferences and quirks ( understandable, who would not want to do that ) - ... (read in full...)

Has our phone relationship been all lies from the start? Will he call again? Three years and he's never taken me out

Q.   dear cupid, i been talk with this man over 3 yrs on the phone. we never went out. we talk about going out and now he tell me he's sick over past month and half i ask him does he want me to stop call him he told me that a good ideal i the one to ...

A.   11 September 2016:  Do you mean that you have never seen him in person in 3 years ? Then I think you may have dodged a bullet. If he could not "find the time " in 3 years to see you once, it's very probable there's some form of cat-fishing going on. Maybe he told... (read in full...)

Neighbors won't share parking spaces

Q.   Hi, my question is not a relationship question but I need your suggestion. I live in a 2 floor apartment. The first floor neighbors are a couple in their early 30s. We didn't have a parking and I wanted to leave few months ago for this reason but my ...

A.   10 September 2016:  No, it's not childish at all. If you find their car parked in the driveway when you get home, that means that they are at home, right ? So why don't you just ring their doorbell and tell them, with an angelic smile, " would you please move your ... (read in full...)

He's so ready to give up on our affair. What should I do? He's married, and he's unjustly accused me of being unfaithful

Q.   Hello everyone I need advice on something I've Been messing around with this married man for about 2 years. I haven't spoken to this man in 3 weeks over the labor day weekend I believe he seen me talking to another man an now he is acussing me o...

A.   10 September 2016:  No, he does not love you the way you love him, - otherwise he would have left his wife for you . In this light, what you should do is thanking your lucky stars that your lover decided for you and forced you to do what you did not have the guts... (read in full...)

Should my dinner companion have taken offence? An acquaintance said I was rude to check my purse while the other woman was talking. Was I rude?

Q.   Was this wrong? I only meant to check my purse, did not mean to be rude?!? Went out to dinner last night witha friend i dont often see.. We talked while we ate, as people do. After eating she was talking,i WAS listening but quickly checked my purse...

A.   10 September 2016:  It depends. If it was just a 3 seconds glance, then it's a non issue, she can't have taken offence. She would not even have noticed ! But ,tbh, if she noticed, I doubt that it was just 3 secs, maybe your assessment of time is not quite co... (read in full...)

Does he seem interested or does he just talk to me when he's bored?

Q.   I'm 32 and over the past month have been seeing this guy whom I was set up with by a close friend of mine. He's my age, successful and doesn't seem to bear a ton of ''ex-relationship' baggage or children. I on the other hand have a 9-year-old, son. ...

A.   10 September 2016:  Good, then if he tells you what he does on weekends, you can sort of assess if it's something you could reasonable be involved in ?... Like, if he is going to a wedding or other family celebration, then no, it makes sense he would not thin... (read in full...)

Can people tell when they're "the mutton dressed as the lamb"?

Q.   Just in case people are not familiar with the term “mutton dressed as lamb" - it refers to older people who try to appear younger (and usually fail dismally). And it's most often applied to women who wear clothes that are aimed at a much younger ...

A.   10 September 2016:  " Mutton dressed as the lamb " ?... No offence, but- that seems to me such an exquisitely British concern :), and probably the cause why still nowadays in your beautiful country you still can see so many Miss Marple lookalikes... " sensible shoes " ... (read in full...)

What sort of outcomes have others experienced after taking allergy shots? Hesitant about this option suggested by my therapist.

Q.   I have been debating something for awhile now whether to get allergy shots are not. I've suffered from allergies for awhile now. Hives and Seasonal Allergies. I get a lot of sore throat, itchy eyes and nasal congestion. I have been taking nasal sp...

A.   10 September 2016:  Allergy shots work in about 80%-90 % of patients . They start at a very low dosage which is increased in time, until a certain plateau which is right for your body, precisely to monitor adverse reactions, which anyway generally only consist of ... (read in full...)

What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?

Q.   Hey Everyone, I am taking part in the School Show and for my part I have to kiss someone. I don't mind but I have never kissed a boy before so I am really nervous. What can I do to make myself feel a little more comfortable and less nervous?...

A.   9 September 2016:  Stage kisses, my dear ! Ask this play's director or your drama teacher or whomever is in charge to show you and teach you how to give a " stage " kiss. One that looks real but it's not- often you don't even have to have a lip-to-lip contact. There ... (read in full...)

Are we just wrong for each other? Should I stay or should I go?

Q.   What to do if I love the man I'm with, but unhappy in the relationship? I've been dating this guy for almost 9 months now. We met at a friend's party and clicked immediately. We have similar views on a lot of important things like family, social i...

A.   9 September 2016:  Well, maybe it's naive to assume that love should make you happy, but I am pretty sure that at least should not make you constantly unhappy, or depressed, even ! I agree with Honeypie. That's the umpteen case which goes to show how love is not ... (read in full...)

He doesn't want to rush. I really like him and want this to go somewhere. What can I do?

Q.   I've been talking to this guy since December 2015. We have been on two date and speak pretty much every day. He works away offshore so it's hard to meet up with his as he is often away. Part of me wants to ask him what are we? As it has been s...

A.   8 September 2016:  I think it means , no we are not sort of " a thing ",like in : sort of " an item ". A couple, basically. Two people who are together. He does not see it as a relationship. It should be no wonder to you, because, I mean, Ok taking things s... (read in full...)

I believe my husband’s client was flirting with him! She shared way too much personal information!

Q.   My husband is a building contractor and recently met with a woman to give an estimate for repairs at her residence. I accompanied him as we were on our way to dinner after this as it was in the early evening hours however, I remained in the vehicle ...

A.   8 September 2016:  I think you are really overthinking this. Your husband bumped into a chatty client- what's so strange about it ? maybe it's because I live in Italy where people are very talkative, but this happened to me so many times- in the reverse:)- plum... (read in full...)

I didn't cheat on my girlfriend, but she is convinced I've been unfaithful. Do we have any chance of getting back together?

Q.   My Girlfriend thinks I've cheated on her. Throw me out, saying I've no respect, can't really love her and I've lied. The thing is I haven't cheated I had a weekend with my brother and we stayed in a hotel up in London. I didnt tell her I was s...

A.   8 September 2016:  Yes, you have a chance, I think she is just flexing muscle. Otherwise why even meet up on Saturday ? If she is convinced that you cheated on her, that you are having an affair, that you don't love her and don't respect her... what there woul... (read in full...)

My fiance risked our relationship for one night of fun

Q.   I am engaged to be married on the 24th. Last weekend my bf had his bachelor party weekend in New York . I couple of his buddies were egging him on to hook up with a random girl. They ended up inviting a group of girls back to their hotel were he ...

A.   7 September 2016: By all means postpone the wedding. But perhaps you should cancel it altogether. Yes , I know that you want to forgive him: because it was " only " a BJ ( is he a friend of Bill Clinton ? ), because he fessed up at once and because he is real... (read in full...)

Is it fair? Is he expecting me to pay more than my share?

Q.   Hi everyone my boyfriend and me have just got a house together we have 2 kids we have lived together for 4 months now the problem is he agreed to pay the rent while I pay the gas electric and water food and things for the kids I have 2 jobs only...

A.   7 September 2016:  Yeah, you fooled me,llifton, - I was just reaching for my Slang dictionary to check what's the "fireplace" thing,LOL. I do not disagree with you ,basically- I said it too, agreements may change,- for a " justifiable reason " : the point is , what... (read in full...)

Did my boyfriend get horny watching women play golf or was he horny because of ME?

Q.   My boyfriend watched a women's golf tournament today. He is business friends with an organizer and got a free ticket so he went as his friend's guest. I was supposed to see my boyfriend last night but he had to work. I told him I was horny and ho...

A.   7 September 2016:  Then prepare yourself to feel bothered often and regularly. The fact that his best sex partner among all he had were you does not mean that he cannot be erotically attracted by some other woman. In other words, you may be the best he had in bed ... (read in full...)

What can I do? She can't bring herself to believe me, nor let it go.

Q.   The relationship between me and my girlfriend of a little over a year has been pretty rough lately. We recently took a break that was originally supposed to be a month. It ended up only being a week. Anyway, during the break I bought some condoms,...

A.   7 September 2016:  But if you had no need and no intention of using condoms as long as you had a chance with her... then why the heck did you buy condoms after not even a week from the break up ? Couldn't you / shouldn't you have waited until the decision after the ... (read in full...)

Is it fair? Is he expecting me to pay more than my share?

Q.   Hi everyone my boyfriend and me have just got a house together we have 2 kids we have lived together for 4 months now the problem is he agreed to pay the rent while I pay the gas electric and water food and things for the kids I have 2 jobs only...

A.   7 September 2016:  No, it's not fair at all. And personally I think it would not be fair even if you were earning , with your part time jobs, more than him with his full time ! ( although it is not probable ,llifton. In USA some people can live just fine basi... (read in full...)

Why? All my life people have taken an instant dislike towards me and I don't know why. What needs to change?

Q.   All through my life I have struggled getting people to like me, people take an instant dislike to me and I don't know why. I'm not rude, I'm polite, I can be painfully shy at times and I think people mistake this as being rude or stuck up. Been ...

A.   7 September 2016: llifton makes an excellent point : if you have been with this guy since a few years, and you have known his family since a few years , and you never bothered being social or making a good impression so far, and now all of a sudden you have ... (read in full...)

Does he seem interested or does he just talk to me when he's bored?

Q.   I'm 32 and over the past month have been seeing this guy whom I was set up with by a close friend of mine. He's my age, successful and doesn't seem to bear a ton of ''ex-relationship' baggage or children. I on the other hand have a 9-year-old, son. ...

A.   6 September 2016:  Oh really ? What is he so busy what, any idea ? Did he ever volunteer any information about his busy weekends ? I can understand being superbusy at work, but being that apparently his weekends are pretty free, I think that if he were inte... (read in full...)

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