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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Do women really regret their sexual past?

Q.   This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...

A.   24 February 2015:  Anon male reader of Feb. 21st .. " This thread has a lot of women just making each other feel better about themselves "... Well,for " wanting to make each other feel better about ourselves "- we should feel bad, or not-so-good ( about our sexu... (read in full...)

Emailed a co-worker my feelings for her after she quit. It's been seven days.

Q.   Hello, I had a girl in my office to whom i love, I was never ever able to tell her about my feelings and one day she left the company and after she left i still have feelings for her. So i wrote a love letter after a one year since she left the ...

A.   22 February 2015:  I'd let it be. Silence can be very eloquent at times, O think her is . One year is quite a long time particularly between people who were never that close or that friendly to begin with. Apparently, alas, she does not return your feelings / in... (read in full...)

Why do men expect women to be shaved down below? Porn?

Q.   I'm out of a twenty year marriage so the last time I dates was some years ago. Since being single again it seems most men now expect or want women to be shaved down below. What's going on? I don't remember this ever being a request or even a prefer...

A.   20 February 2015:  I am sure porn has got a lot to do with it, but not only. It's just fads and trends. Unfathomable courses and recourses of fashion. Like, in mid 18th century people wore powdered wigs, and early 19th nobody did anymore. It's not all of a sudden, ... (read in full...)

Newly married, but I've lost my sex drive completely. What can I do? What could cause this?

Q.   Hello, I just recently got married literally about a week ago. However, I've lived with my husband for a little over a year. For about 9-10 months now, I've not wanted sex at all. I'm on birth control pills, and on anxiety medication so I'...

A.   20 February 2015:  I am not sure about birth pills, but as for anxiety meds, a very common side effect is that they lower your sex drive . Not all the same meds in the same dosage to the same people, it may take a bit of patience and trial-and-error to find the ... (read in full...)

Should I reach out to my rich grandfather for help?

Q.   I don't come from a wealthy family. The only person in my whole family who has been well off is my grandfather. He's very rich. However, I rarely speak with him. He's a somewhat distant person from our family and I've always felt rather weird around ...

A.   20 February 2015:  With all due respect to your family, I too, instead, think it's a bad idea and in very poor taste. I am not even saying that it is your fault you don't have a great relationship with Grandpa. Maybe it is all HIS fault. Or , it's nobody's faul... (read in full...)

Do women really regret their sexual past?

Q.   This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...

A.   20 February 2015:  Anon male reader, not to be bitchy on purpose but... I have to say it, of this is how you feel, then it is a big luck that your being ( or, most probably, feeling ) unattractive prevents you from getting the casual sex you crave. You seem to coup... (read in full...)

How can I get over my current beliefs and accept my partner's past?

Q.   Hey guys, I am in a relationship with someone of "20...30... i lost count" sexual partners and past bursts of casual sex with a casual view on sex, in comparison to my 4 partners, including her and conservative values. I love this person and thin...

A.   20 February 2015:  I admit thet I did not read through the whole thread- but I want to comment on one specific statement of yours, that can't be overlooked regardless of the actual content of the debate. YOU had casual sex once. So I call bullshit on yout sexu... (read in full...)

Do women really regret their sexual past?

Q.   This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...

A.   19 February 2015: Ok, so suppose women have a natural, biological unfair advantage over men in getting casual sex ( and, we also have to suppose that getting casual sex is a big coveted goal for everybody ). So be it- then , why should they have to regret it, and ... (read in full...)

Am I the problem or is it them?

Q.   Hey guys. You see, at the start of this academic year, all of my friends went off to college while I stayed at school for sixth form. I knew straight away that they would all make new friends and I was fine with that, but it's getting to the p...

A.   19 February 2015:  I am not even sure it is a problem. It's just how things work-ot's one of those annoying things that feel a bit unpleasant and disappointing in the moment, and that you have to handle with your own resources, enlarging YOUR circle of friends, ... (read in full...)

I told my married lover I am free to see others and he said he wants a future with me. Is he stringing me along?

Q.   I have been seeing a married man for 5 years I have divorced my husband but my lover is still with his family, he said he cannot leave his children until they are older and less dependant on him, he does idolise his kids.I said I was free to see ...

A.   19 February 2015:  Doesn't it amount to the same ? Wheter he is stringing you along or the timing is not right with him, the end result for you is teh same - you have a part time lover whom you have to see secretly , I imagine ) or at least discretly, and whom you ... (read in full...)

I want to move out but can't afford it! Ideas?

Q.   Hi everyone. I'm 21 years old and I live with my father and brother. The thing is, I really want to move out and be on my own but I just can't afford it. Let me explain my situation. My father is retired. I love him to death but he stays at home...

A.   19 February 2015: Does it necessarily have to be someone you know for sharing a place together ? yeah of course if you share with a good friend it's more fun and you avoid a lot of adjustment/cohabitation problems ( at least in theory ). But I know tons of people ... (read in full...)

Do women really regret their sexual past?

Q.   This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...

A.   18 February 2015: Maybe it's because I am so bad at maths, but I could never quite get why some people say " getting sex is much easier for women than for men ". How does it work ?... I mean : a woman who's having sex , is having sex with a man, right ? ( at least ... (read in full...)

Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?

Q.   please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious marriage was fail last was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...

A.   18 February 2015: Good point SVC. I knew Muslims from Syria and Lebanon, for instance ,who were very fair -skinned, and green-eyed too, so personally I am aware that Muslims belong to different races according to geographic location - it was a lapsus, or a ... (read in full...)

Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?

Q.   please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious marriage was fail last was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...

A.   18 February 2015:  Anon of Feb. 18th- maybe I did not make myself clear. I never said that interracial relationship can't be beautiful- they can be as beautiful, or not so beautiful, as any other relationship. After all, it's two PEOPLE coming together and there's ... (read in full...)

What can I do to help him understand he is ruining our relationship?

Q.   Im in a relationship with a younger man there is no doubt on my mind we love each other, he goes to work I am home I rarely go out I pretty much stay to myself before the relationship began I was always surrounded by fam and friends they were always ...

A.   18 February 2015:  Why, do you think he would be upset if realized he is " ruining the relationship " ? I think he knows ,and just does not give a fuck ! It does not take Einstein, or a shining example of sensitivity, to realize that constant cheating and running ... (read in full...)

He wants me to be exclusive with him. But there is another woman in his life. What should I do?

Q.   i met this guy i been having sex with him the last mouth he has been helping me in so many ways. he talks to my kids he tells me he wish he met me fours years ago before he met the women he is with now he wants me to wait for him for me to have no ...

A.   18 February 2015: His request is ridicolous. What a nerve ! He should not DARE to ask you what he can't give you himself to begin with- i.e. monogamy and exclusivity. He can say all he wants- talk is cheap- but the thruth of the fact is that he is coming around for ... (read in full...)

I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating

Q.   I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating. My mom told me to go see if he was sleeping and if not tell him breakfast was ready. It was silent and I thought he was sleeping so I peeked in to look and forgot to knock (worst mistake ever) I ...

A.   17 February 2015: Yeah, as awkward the episode was ,- there's really nothing ro " talk about ". These things happen . Have you ever walked into a bathroom occupied by someone who had forgotten to lock the door ? have you ever been the one who got walked in and got ... (read in full...)

Should I move in with boyfriend of 4 months? He's been acting standoffish

Q.   I'm widowed but seeing someone. OK he has 2 children 10 and 12 I have 1-19 we have been seeing each other for 4 month. I need to move so I decided to move in with him. I'm unemployed. He owns his house. But lately he's getting stand off ish.but ...

A.   17 February 2015:  U woud not do it. 4 months is very early to move in with anybody even if you both were head over heels and getting along famously. But he is also being standoffish, and that means either he has got second thoughts about moving in with you after ... (read in full...)

She's falling for my ex-crush. How can I deal with this and not lose friends?

Q.   Hey guys, so I'm in a pretty complicated spot here. My best friend and I are very close, but them last week something happened. She's falling head over heels in love with my ex-crush. I have a boyfriend, yes, but she feels like she shouldn't go...

A.   16 February 2015: Well- but you ARE a girl who dates a boyfriend while she likes ( also ) another : YOU said it yourself ! Ok, maybe you don't still like him as in OmyGod I am crazy about this guy. But you still like him enough for this to be deemed an obstacle by ... (read in full...)

Do women really regret their sexual past?

Q.   This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...

A.   15 February 2015:  I don't know about all women, - I think most don't regret their sexual past and I definitely know I don't regret mine. Everything has an age and stage, maybe if the perfect guy had shown up before... it would not have been perfect for the kind... (read in full...)

My LDR boyfriend doesn't trust me

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend a little over a year. We met online, and eventually met in person. As of right now we're LDR (long distance relationship.) again, just for a few more months. Ever since day 1, he has had trust issues. MAJOR. At fir...

A.   15 February 2015:  I am afraid that Aunty BimBim is quite correct. Graduating , or turning 18, does not mean automatically being able to earn and support yourself independently ( in case the r/ship does not work out and you need to get your own place / go back home ... (read in full...)

I know I'm his bootycall. What should I do?

Q.   Hey, I'm writing, because I would like to get some help. Any help would much appreciated. Well, there is this guy I've known since October, and everything was going quite well. I then developed feelings for him, and I thought that he liked me t...

A.   14 February 2015:  You know, OP, Midnight Shadow is right :" booty call" is a slang term that has a strong sexual connotation and is is always used in a sexual meaning- it's not the same as " a fairweather friend " or " a fickle guy " as this one seems to be. T... (read in full...)

Is it OK to buy someone a birthday trip if we can't cover the full cost?

Q.   Hi guys, I just want your opinion on a birthday gift. I'm hoping for a parents opinion if possible! I'm 21 and my sister is 19, our father will be 50 in march. My father has a good/well paid job and my mother also works. They have a large amount...

A.   14 February 2015: Sorry to rain on your parade,bur... I think your mother is right, you'd better tell him first ( and maybe if SHE -Mom-too shows keenness to go you can rope him in ). Yours is a wonderful ,wonderful idea... but for the right kind of parent. Which, ... (read in full...)

Met online, set up date to meet and he doesn't show. Is he blowing me off?

Q.   Hi thanks for reading. I meet this guy on pof and been talking and we finally set a date to meet up. The day came and went because I tried to confirm with him heard no reply. Asked if everything was ok no reply till a week later. Then he messaged...

A.   14 February 2015: You haven't done anything wrong, or, actually what you are doing wrong is being a tad naive and way too nice with someone who is an arrogant, inconsiderate jerk. Whaaaat ? he stands you up, no cancellations, no apologies, no explanations- he just... (read in full...)

Had a massive and intense sleep orgasm. Should I worry?

Q.   Okay, this is the first time I've actually BEEN an OP, but something happened a couple of days ago that I'm wondering if it's normal or not. I'm not complaining about it, but it's never happened to me before in my life. Background - I...

A.   13 February 2015:  Eric Troy says enjoy, I say: enjoy it and cherish the memory, because it might never come back. I had something similar happening to me when I was 22 or 23 ( I guess that in my case, then ,it had nothing to do with the perimenopause horm... (read in full...)

Should I take her back if she wants me to?

Q.   My girlfriend broke up with me because she wanted to do stuff with other people without having to answer to me and that she doesn't want the title of "girlfriend".And we've been dating for 6 months and I saw a message on her facebook to her ...

A.   13 February 2015: Heck no- do you even really need to ask ?! If you know for sure that she was / is / will be with you only to have someone to fall back on, and to have companionship / attention while she is looking around for someone better , what's in it for ... (read in full...)

It's our first Valentine's together, but I might have to be at work! How can I make it up to my partner?

Q.   So, there's a really good chance I'm going to be busy on my partner and my first Valentine's Day together. I applied for a job, have made it to second round interviews and if I make it through that I'm going to be inducted and working on Valentine's ...

A.   13 February 2015: Aren't you making it worse than it actually is ,by any chance ? You'll be working on Valentine's day which this year happens to fall on a Saturday, but 5 years out of 7 will fall on a weekday, so there will be a huge majority of people work... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Faking Orgasm's!

Q.   My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and ...

A.   13 February 2015: Curious. For saying that, it means he expects to see or feel something specific that it is not happening, and this, in his mind, means that your are not having one. And it also means that in his mind ALL women orgasm in the same way with the same ... (read in full...)

I let myself go and am not quite sure how to get myself back together?

Q.   I just turned 21 and I've seriously let myself go. Basically I was abused and it got really bad when I was 17. The person is no longer able to hurt me and I've been to counselling but I sort of regressed into a frightened shell of a person and ...

A.   13 February 2015: "how can they say 8 sessions and off you go ?".. The poster is British, SVC. I suppose it is an NHS thing. Don't get me wrong, I think that NHS is a must and a wonderful conquest of a modern society. At least, if you need a heart transplant or a ... (read in full...)

Do I try to pursue a relationship with this friend?

Q.   So my friend and I have been friends for a long time. 3 years ago we ended up sleeping with each other and after that we went on dates shortly after we just decided on being friend (just cause I didn't want anything serious at the moment, got out of ...

A.   13 February 2015: Pursue at your own risk and peril:). Actually, it seems to me that you should not pursue at all because the situation does not warrant it in the least, and I, not having the hots for this girl, think that anybody would see it from miles afar... but ... (read in full...)

Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend?

Q.   Can some men be interested in just being nice and your friend? I know a man from work and have became good friends with him over the past few months, he has also helped me out around the house. I have just moved into my first house myself, he helps ...

A.   13 February 2015: I agree with the others. While in general it is surely possible that a man and a woman are just friends, in this particular situation I feel that your Mom is super-right and you should listen to her. It sounds to me like he is sort of groo... (read in full...)

Am I being selfish when I feel that he's too clingy when perhaps he is being concerned and serious about me?

Q.   Hello everyone! I'm 21 and before I left to study abroad (6 month exchange program) I was seeing someone (let's call him B) exclusively for about a month. I did not get into an official relationship with him because I felt that it was difficult to ...

A.   13 February 2015: Why would you be selfish ? If not wanting to get married within two years, and to a virtual stranger that you basically do not know anything about yet, means being selfish, then there must be millions of people who are as selfish as you and more ... (read in full...)

Was my husband being inconsiderate?

Q.   I have an question. I want to know if my husband was being inconsiderate or am i just tripping. Since yesterday i have been battling a major toothache where as my jaw is swollen and half my tooth is gone. All day yesterday i stayed in bed due to the ...

A.   12 February 2015:  Honeypie is right ( hi Honeypie, I am back ) go to see a dentist , don't just lie there being miserable ! You say your jaw is swollen , and the tooth is half gone- who knows, you could have an abscess.Don't wait. I think too that yes, your husb... (read in full...)

I feel like my colleagues aren't pulling their weight

Q.   More than anything I need to rant right now, and hear if this is something others have found good ways to deal with. I recently started in a new job, but Im already feeling like several of my co-workers don't do their share, yet expect me to do ...

A.   12 February 2015: I understand your frustration, what you describe IS annoying, and yet I would advise you to be patient for the time being and not to make too many waves . As you said, you are new on the job- who knows, you may have to / want to stay there a good ... (read in full...)

Seeking input on which is the better work option. Current employer or a change?

Q.   I am hoping someone can help me! I am currently a nanny and work 16 hours a week mainly working from 2.30 until 6.30 Monday to Thursday. I am also not on a contract. However, the family are moving abroad next August. They have asked me to work...

A.   28 October 2014:  You prefer not to work weekends , so, if you are given this possibility- don't work weekends and get the new job. Besides, it seems to me that your employers are being a bit smug in their requests. I don't know your labour laws, and you work... (read in full...)

He's controlling and abusive. What's the best way to handle this situation?

Q.   Been with my partner almost five years, we have a four year old son together. For the last two years our relationship has been very rocky. It has been an unhappy relationship for me, since being with him he has stopped me seeing family and frien...

A.   28 October 2014:  I think he did you a big favour by finally booting you out of the door, since so far you haven't had the determination, courage and lucidity to terminate an abusive relationship. Only, he is bluffing, because he knows it's likely to end like... (read in full...)

Should I go along to the Doctor with my fiance when she visits the Doctor to talk about contraception?

Q.   Hi everyone. I am engaged to get married next year in june. It is about my fiance going to be using birth control. She plans to go see the doctor and get all that figured out. But when would be a good time to go to the doctor and should i go alon...

A.   28 October 2014:  Why don't you ask her your fiancee' what she prefers to do ? Personally I find slightly bizarre the presence of a fiancee' at what is, after all, a professional and private consultation with her OB/GYN, and I am sure that your fiancee', guid... (read in full...)

Am I overthinking this? My friend wants me to accomodate her friends at my home. I don't know them and feel uncomfortable about her request.

Q.   Friends question. I got a bit bewildered to day by friend's request. She is my very good friend, I know her for 15 years. They have this friends a couple from a different city who comes on vacation to our part for New Year's Eve and stay for ...

A.   28 October 2014:  Yes, your friend had some nerve, and you were right, and well within your boundaries , to say no. You are not an innkeeper, if you don't want to host semistrangers that's fine and normal. As for, lending semistrangers your home when you are away ? ... (read in full...)

His apartment is freezing, but he doesn't turn up the heat! Do I stop visiting?

Q.   Perhaps this is a weird question, but some suggestions on how to best deal with this would be nice. I've got a key to my boyfriends apartment, and I have been staying at his place for about every other day these last months. It's usually his plac...

A.   27 October 2014: Stop visiting. Since you have offered to pay for the extra hearing and the extra food, so the problem is not money- apparently not only he does not know how to make you feel at home, he does not want to you to feel at home, or comfortable. ... (read in full...)

Can a married man fall in long with his mistress? Or is the lover just used for sex on the side?

Q.   Do married men only use their lover on the side just for sex only? Can they actually fall in love with their mistress, despite being torn because of the children? ...

A.   27 October 2014:  Never say never, so I imagine that some of them can,and do. If they are " torn " between lover and family, though, I'd be skeptcal, I'd take it as if they have decided they'll stay with their family. At risk of sounding horribly cynical.... (read in full...)

Can you help calculate the maths to perhaps arrive at which guy is the likely father?

Q.   This is kind of embarrassing but i just want an opinion im fairly sure i know the answer would like some opinions though. I am 6 mths pregnant. at the time of falling pregnant i slept with 2 guys. im fairly sure i know who the dad is but was w...

A.   27 October 2014:  Guy n.1 would be textbook- 14th day of your cycle. If your cycle is fairly regular, and between 26 - 30 days, no,1 would be very probably the father. Of course, though, we are talking about probability, not certainty. It's not impossible that tha... (read in full...)

Is it mean to take back my necklace that my boyfriend wants to keep?

Q.   Hey, so I'll make this short and sweet. I needed a second opinion, because my friend said that this was a bad idea. Last week when I was over at my boyfriend's house I left my FAVORITE guitar pick necklace, it's my absolute favorite necklace...

A.   27 October 2014: No, I don't think it's mean. Wasn't your bf supposed to wear your necklace only to keep it safe until you could retrieve it ( and supposedly wear it yourself ) ? You never said you were going to GIVE IT to him, and in fact , if one wanted to be ... (read in full...)

Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?

Q.   please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious marriage was fail last was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...

A.   1 June 2010: I am surprised when you mention yr Muslim friends marrying out of their religion- are you sure about that ? as a Muslim female, you are not allowed by your religion to marry a non Muslim male. That would be apostasy- and apostasy excludes... (read in full...)

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