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| | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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My FWB is sick of me and called me a whore! Did I do anything wrong to deserve to be treated this way?
Q. Dear Cupid I am in on and off FWB with my best friend. I fell in love with him but he says he likes me but no love word. Long story short, he bacame very abusive (physically and emotionally) lately. I couldnt even hold a decent conversation ...
A. 15 May 2013: Female anon of may 15th, pardon me, but you just have discovered hot water. Of course if the guy had been a real man who is not abusive in nature he would have been cordial, civil, etc. !
The point is exactly that he was NOT- and the OP chose HIM... (read in full...)
My FWB is sick of me and called me a whore! Did I do anything wrong to deserve to be treated this way?
Q. Dear Cupid I am in on and off FWB with my best friend. I fell in love with him but he says he likes me but no love word. Long story short, he bacame very abusive (physically and emotionally) lately. I couldnt even hold a decent conversation ...
A. 14 May 2013: He is your best friend, and he is physically abusive and he calls you whore !? Then , I don't want to know your worst enemy !
Ok, you are sad and upset, and you want someone who tells you " You poor little thing, no you did not do anything to d... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 14 May 2013: Thank you for the update(s). I am glad for you, this is actually even better news than you probably think. If your bf took the step to involve his mother and have her sort of use her authority about the issue, it means that you really got through to ... (read in full...)
I am really mad at how he ended our relationship!
Q. Just realized that my boyfriend dumped me over Facebook! How immature and obnoxious is that? We are talking about a 28 year old guy here! We were on a break, and as everyone, I expected him to contact me in order to know if we would stay toget...
A. 14 May 2013: Aren't you jumping the gun a bit ? I don't see how putting up group pics with you in them equals to a break up.
Mind you, I am very suspicious of breaks, to me they are just the wussy way of inching out of a relationship that has run its cour... (read in full...)
He wants me to wear lingere but I don't think it suits me
Q. I’m not really sure how to begin but I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year, he’s 26 almost 27 and I’m 23. We were really close friends for probably 3 years before we started dating. So my boyfriend and I have been having… I wouldn’t call it a fight ...
A. 14 May 2013: There's two issues here, lingerie and faster sex.
As for the first, no need to be wary. The right lingerie makes everybody look sexy and everybody feel sexy, and it never ever looks wrong on anybody including ancient grandmothers.
We need to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend suddenly needs space. Do I give him space? Or dump him?
Q. My boyfriend of 5 months suddenly says he needs to "reconnect" with his friends (aka drinking buddies) and plans to stay out every Friday night with them. He says I'm not invited "for now" - and besides I work at 7AM on Saturdays and he wants to s...
A. 14 May 2013: I agree with k_c 100. I am a woman too, and, personally, I never wanted and would not want now a partner tied to my apron's strings 365 nights in a year. Yes, maybe his passtimes are a bit " juvenile "... but, if you feel uncomfortable evry time ... (read in full...)
Do you stay out of the financial decisions your fiance makes with his children from another marriage?
Q. We live together. My fiance has two adult children from his first marriage. His son has a nice job and a new girlfriend. His son moved out of his apartment with his last girlfriend...he broke it off with her. His son is now moving into an ...
A. 13 May 2013: I haven't dealt with these issues, but ,for what is worth, I'd deal with them just like you did - NO COMMENT - because I think , whether one likes it or not, it's the only way to deal with them. In fact, I would do an extra effort and try ... (read in full...)
Why do these girls act the way that they do?
Q. What are these girls problems? Am I overreacting? So I've liked this really sweet and cute guy for a while now. We talk abit and hang out sometimes but we are both so quiet and shy around eachother. Anyway, 2 of his girly friends have ...
A. 13 May 2013: Ok, so the first two girls we got them pegged :), they have a weakness for the dude too and they feel they are in competition with you for his attention and preference.
But your friend.... my normally suspicious mind does not get activated this... (read in full...)
I'm ready for a baby now but my fiance wants to wait a few years
Q. I am having a bad case of baby fever, I'm afraid. I've always loved kids and adored the thought of having my own. I work at a daycare, and I am responsible for 4 infants on my own. I love it. It's difficult at times, especially when they're all ...
A. 13 May 2013: You should read aloud to yourself 100 times what you have written : " We are not financially ready for a child " until it sinks in.
It's not just a matter of what you want and crave and yearn for, it's also a matter of what a child needs and dese... (read in full...)
Is it too soon in our relationship to consider starting a family?
Q. Boyfriend and I are together 8 months. I'm on the patch so this may be a silly question! I finished my period last week and had sex with the boyfriend and now my breasts are very very sore, all over and nipples and a bit veiny. I also felt dizzy and ...
A. 13 May 2013: I think that's inprobable you are pregnant- if you were, the levels of pregnancy hormons in your body would be too low yet to cause the symptoms you describe, which almost never appear before the 6th week of pregnancy ( = 4 weeks from conceiving ... (read in full...)
Should I wait until he contacts me to end it?
Q. So.. This will be long. I've posted here some questions about my 30yo boyfriend's behavior: - "why does he live with his mom if he's in the military and is supposed to have a pig paycheck" - "why does he always tells the exactly same story abo...
A. 12 May 2013: 95% ? Make that 99,98%. As you have noticed, it's really uncanny that in 9 months all his messages ( and other people's ) went through, but they don't just the one time something serious is supposed to have happened. And with his track record... he ... (read in full...)
She snuggled me, I kissed her, so what do I do next?
Q. There is this girl I really like. The last night on the way back to school from a gradventure field trip she called me over on the bus. She asked me if she could fall asleep on me. I told her that I didn't mind. As she was sleeping or at least she ...
A. 12 May 2013: Green light : ). She likes you. Call her and ask her out.... (read in full...)
Wife of many years slept with another man while we were dating and now dealing with it.....
Q. Hey guys, hopefully you can help. My wife and I met in University and when on a date. I then went home for spring break and we spoke every night for hours on end. During these conversations we discussed how many people we had been with, past ...
A. 12 May 2013: Yes, you've got to get over it.
I leave to other posters the inevitable and probably lengthy debate about a ) the nature of your Retroactive Jealousy ( is RJ a mental illness ? an evolutionary trait ? the consequence of an hyperthrophic ego, or t... (read in full...)
How can I walk away from this relationship without hurting myself?
Q. I have a boyfriend for already four years. The second year into our relationship he was not working and it aggravated me because it brought alot of problems. Eventually I got so annoyed, I went back to NY (we had moved to California) to just get ...
A. 12 May 2013: My advice will sound banal and predictable, but I really think it's nonetheless valid : cut your losses ASAP and leave him to his beloved Sim City. You don't want to be hurt, and maybe leaving will hurt a bit... but nothing compared to how much ... (read in full...)
Is my personality a big turn-off for guys?
Q. Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike ...
A. 11 May 2013: No. You can tune down, if you wish, some of your habits and mannerisms. The way you laugh, the volume of your voice is not your " personality ".
I am exactly the same person with the same character and the same faults and qualities either I spea... (read in full...)
Why? Every time my Gf ask me for help I usually agree. But then she changes her mind at the last minute. How can I deal with my confused feelings about her rescinding the request?
Q. so i'm pretty sure i'm doing something wrong but i need some advice... so the thing is, both my girlfriend and i have a disability, and neither of us is able to drive a car. suppose my gf needs something. like, she's busy and doesn't have time...
A. 11 May 2013: If that bothers you much, just tell her - and also have her note that once she asked you to do something and you have accepted , when she reschedules last minute she is also messing up with your plans , programs and schedules , because obviously ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's drink was spiked and the woman he woke up with now says she is pregnant!
Q. Help me, please. My boyfriend of a year just told me that about a month ago, he went to this girl's house to help her with her abusive ex. He didn't have a way home, so he sat down and she asked him if he wanted anything to drink. I guess it was ...
A. 11 May 2013: For cryng out loud OP, get a grip, use that God - given brain you've got.
So he was on a bus at midnight, he gets a call from the girl, and , zap, flies to save her. Who is he, Superman ? Knowing that it was an emotional crisis, not a burg... (read in full...)
Why do girls like the bad boys?
Q. Hi there :) I have a wee question in general; why do girls like bad boys as opposed to the sensible, faithful guys who will treat them right?! Kind of a silly question, but just wondered if there was anyone else who, like me, is more attra...
A. 11 May 2013: They do ??
To each is own, I guess, as for me and most of the women / and girls I know ( and they are many ! ) - if by a laddish lad you mean an oaf or a lout, there's nothing more off putting, and if by cheeky you mean brash, loud, rude or abus... (read in full...)
Have made no new friends in this new place.Would it be better to stay here and continue with my job, and hope things get better? Or move back with my Bf?
Q. Thanks for reading. I will make it as brief as possible :) I'm 20, and have been in a long distance relationship for around 4 months. Previously was living with my boyfriend (25) but have moved interstate to live with my mum for awhile. I fou...
A. 11 May 2013: Hang in there : 1 ) 4 months it's really a short time to feel happy/ comfortable in a new place. 2 ) I know this will sound as heresy to you , but a good job of which you are proud of is less disposable than your current bf and friends. At 20, ... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be jealous of a crush?
Q. I have a crush and I'm not sure how she feels but I was wonering if it was normal to be jealous when she talks to strangers... Sorry about the bad grammar its late P.S. I don't really get jealous unless its touchy feelie...
A. 11 May 2013: I don't know what's your other question, but I immagine that , if you can't ask her out, you7'll have your own good reasons.
In this case, though, a word of caution : you can't get stuck ,crushing and jealous ,forever, it's painful and unhe... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's drink was spiked and the woman he woke up with now says she is pregnant!
Q. Help me, please. My boyfriend of a year just told me that about a month ago, he went to this girl's house to help her with her abusive ex. He didn't have a way home, so he sat down and she asked him if he wanted anything to drink. I guess it was ...
A. 11 May 2013: Very low level of believability and lot of holes in his story.
To begin from the start, why did HE had to go help a girl with her abusive ex ? Help her how, doing what ? If it is help through counsel and advice, he did not need to visit her at h... (read in full...)
He shows all the signs of not wanting to be with me but claims this isn't the case?
Q. I have been with my fiancee for nearly three years - we got engaged at New Year this year. He has an adorable little girl who I love too. When we got together we had a lot of problems with his ex (we still do) refusing to move on and we have had ...
A. 11 May 2013: Pardon me for being cynical, but, if you pay for him AND his daughter , everything including trips abroah, it stands to reason that he'd say : Oh no, everything is perfectly fine , I still want to be with you. If he says he does not, and you leave ... (read in full...)
Is my personality a big turn-off for guys?
Q. Most of my friends told me I'm a very nice,friendly,bubbly,outgoing,sweet,interesting,funny and genuine person.They really like me and enjoy talking to me cos I'm fun to be around with.Some of them even told me,"it's difficult for people to dislike ...
A. 11 May 2013: Look, assuming that these people are really your good friends, and they care about you , and not envious snakes-in-the-grass that just want to bring you down.... if you trust them, LISTEN to them.
It's hard to criticize someone we care for, and ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 10 May 2013: No, I don't think the reasoning would be the one you mention, although of course it's not excluded . IMO, it's much simpler : from a steady relationship, you hopefully get your wants and needs fulfilled. Not at 100% ,perhaps, but hopefullt most of ... (read in full...)
Am I an awful girlfriend because I don't want to go to the car meet with my boyfriend?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles. I feel like an ungrateful spoiled girl for this question since there are so many about women whose men do not want to spend time with them, I have the opposite issue. I actually started to live with my boyfriend of a y...
A. 10 May 2013: I think instead that, although you are right about the general concept, and you are not at all a bad girlfriend, and it's important for people to be able to function, socialize and enjoy things on their own, you can afford to be a bit flexible ... (read in full...)
We had unprotected sex. Should I ask if everything is ok with her cycle?
Q. okay, awkward subject: I've been dating a girl I really like for the past 5 months. We've been having sex on the regular basically every time we see each other. Only thing though, last month (the 25th specifically) she was on her per...
A. 10 May 2013: Plan b, like the morning after pill ? way too late. That only works if taken within 72 hours from the misshap .
You'll just have to wait till the end of May , and if her period has not shown up, have her take a pregnancy test.
You can ask her ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is crushing on his son's girlfriends. His behavior is too strange!
Q. I have a question about what constitutes friendly behavior and what constitutes bad behavior. My boyfriend has started asking his son often when his son's new girlfriend is coming over to our house. Now, My boyfriend thinks I am jealous of his son's ...
A. 10 May 2013: Not to fuel your fears, but..yeah, senile crush.
I mean, watching his son and gf asleep in bed it's just creepy, IMO. And a big invasion of their privacy !, they are not newborns that you can lovingly hover by their cradle.
Plus, as you mention,... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be jealous of a crush?
Q. I have a crush and I'm not sure how she feels but I was wonering if it was normal to be jealous when she talks to strangers... Sorry about the bad grammar its late P.S. I don't really get jealous unless its touchy feelie...
A. 10 May 2013: Yes, it's normal. It's part and parcel of having a crush. You feel a bit jealous,- and envious when she gets touchy feely with other guys because you wish you were in their place.
You are only human . In theory, you should be happy if she is happ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to be thinking of marriage?
Q. Hi guys. Just a quick question. I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 8 months. I really love him and he loves me. Everything is great. The trouble is we have started to talk about marriage- I want to marry him and think that he ...
A. 10 May 2013: Well, yes, 20 does sound very young to me to consider marriage. And, in your country, where people gets married earlier than in Europe, still the average age for a female's first marriage is 26.9, so... it must mean something.
There are , thou... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I don't want a boyfriend at 19?
Q. I'm 19 and in my first year at uni, and I've never had a boyfriend before or during uni (or even been on a date, though I've been asked out quite a few times). I've never slept with anyone either. I just don't see the point of short-term stuff. It ...
A. 10 May 2013: I think you are being a bit harsh with your peers. Normally at 19 people are not ready to commit, or even to make very long term plans when they know there are so many choices and experiences in front of them which may lead them in a few years to ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 10 May 2013: Male anon : it is what it is , and females DO complain often that they feel like they have to trade sexual performances in change of some physical closeness / attention / tenderness.
But, remember that we are talking in a context of an one ... (read in full...)
If she lied to me, and used me....will she now lie and use HIM as well?
Q. Right so it's been a while so i've been hurt by this girl. Long story short, i met her about 4 years ago. She was an immigrant. Striking beauty. Struck up a friendship. Soon I was giving her money because she claimed to be poor, getting by. Drove ...
A. 10 May 2013: Possible but not probable . Love does have a big healing and transformational power, the problem is that certain people are just not equipped for love, not open to it, they are stuck in "survival of the fittest " mode. So, my guess would be ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 9 May 2013: I don't know , OP... maybe a girl like the skirt lifting one would be OK with everything - in the sense that she was probably so drunk that she would have passed out as soon as she hit the bed, making the debate penetration vs. cuddles irrelevant ... (read in full...)
I'm very conscious of my appearance and worry that if I meet the guy I've been talking to he'll never call again!
Q. Hi. A few months ago i received a request from a really nice guy on Facebook. We started talking on whatsapp aswell and i found out that he is actually from my area, though currently at school abroad. So the issue is that he started to like me very ...
A. 9 May 2013: But he SAW your pics already ! He knows how you look and obviously he liked what he saw- otherwise he would not be asking to meet you.
So, unless the pics are 10 years old and now you look all different- you don't need to worry. ... (read in full...)
For the girls: Would you be interested in a one night stand or short term fling with a guy who couldnt have penetrative sex?
Q. Question mainly for girls. I am an older guy, who is quite lucky as I still get plenty of attention from girls, smiles and signals on the street, at bus stops, shops etc. Also plenty of offers at work. Although, I have issues getting an erect...
A. 9 May 2013: I think Chigirl is right.
I am not questioning your hotness, but ED IS a downer. If it shows up in the context of a loving, intimate relationship, were not only your oral and manual abilities but also the cuddles, affection, closeness etc. make... (read in full...)
I feel ridiculously rejected by her remarks. Will this affect our relationship?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together a year. I have been wanting to say I love you for around 6 months. I always assumed she loved me, but both of us were too nervous to say it first. So last night I said it to her, the reply I got was not what...
A. 9 May 2013: Rejected :)? What a beautiful , romantic rejection . Heck, your " rejection " sounds better than most of my " acceptances " , lol .
No, not everybody " just knows it for sure ". Particularly if she has never been in love before , she has no prev... (read in full...)
Hurt and confused after she breaks it off, what should I do?
Q. So I had been seeing this woman for about 6 months. She is older than me. I am 29 and she is 42 but I the age difference has never been an issue as she has always dated younger guys. We really hit it off and have a lot in common and have gotten ...
A. 8 May 2013: I guess that, to have a second chance ,you would have to promise solemnly you'll never exceed again the two drinks per night which apparently seem to be the very most she is going to tolerate - and then stick to your promise.
But, think abou... (read in full...)
This is hurting ,me: I love him and I don't want to lose him. But what to do? He wants to try other girls, not for love, just sex
Q. Hi guys, Well I have this problem. And I appreciate you not judging me nor laughing. I have been with my bf for 7 years, we break up several times and lots happened but we still come back to each other because we do luv each other. But lately ...
A. 8 May 2013: Of course it's fair ! it would not be fair if you too had told him that you are going to sleep with other men just for fun and curiosity, but since you are doing without that, so can he.
And, btw, the rules of no sex before marriage in your... (read in full...)
A friends comment has got me obsessed about my masculinity and potential with women
Q. Do leagues really exist when it comes to looks? I go to a very diverse college, was talking to my friend thats a girl. She wanted to ontroduce me to a girl but the said shes out of my league. That comment hurt and since then(about a month) I have ...
A. 8 May 2013: I don't believe that 90% of all women of your age find you unattractive- I think that maybe it is 90% ( taking for good your estimate, but I bet it's way,way less !) of the women you deem good looking enough to be with you. Which is not the ... (read in full...)
What should I do, and how could this affect my marriage, considering that I am married, but may be bi-sexual?
Q. I hate the fact that i can't get rid of this feeling and have to come back here and ask you guys for advices. I got married 8 months ago to a loving man of more than 3 years relationship. He's not perfect but he's the greatest one. Only him c...
A. 8 May 2013: I don't see that the gender of your temptations ( female instead than male ) makes any difference in a very clear cut situation. You are married, aren't you ? You want to keep your marriage and have a loving family with your husband.
Then, you ... (read in full...)
A friends comment has got me obsessed about my masculinity and potential with women
Q. Do leagues really exist when it comes to looks? I go to a very diverse college, was talking to my friend thats a girl. She wanted to ontroduce me to a girl but the said shes out of my league. That comment hurt and since then(about a month) I have ...
A. 8 May 2013: As usual, actions count much more than words. You would not SAY to a girl that she's aiming out of her league, - but you'd think it and act it.
Attractive girls are hard ? Then ask out the slightly, or even much, less attractive, why don't you ... (read in full...)
He has wanted to do phone sex with me almost from the beginning. Now he wants sex face to face. How to discourage him?
Q. I am a student. I have met a boy via facebook 5 months ago..and we started talking by phone as he wanted my number for helping me in my near exam as he was from the same stream as mine and was my senior. In the meantime my ex- boyfriend broke ...
A. 8 May 2013: I have a suggestion that I am sure you don't want to listen to : just ditch him.
He is selfish, manipulative and prevaricating. If he really loved you ( from his heart , not from his penis ) he would understand and respect that you have very... (read in full...)
This is hurting ,me: I love him and I don't want to lose him. But what to do? He wants to try other girls, not for love, just sex
Q. Hi guys, Well I have this problem. And I appreciate you not judging me nor laughing. I have been with my bf for 7 years, we break up several times and lots happened but we still come back to each other because we do luv each other. But lately ...
A. 8 May 2013: I don't judge and I don't laugh, yet I still think yours was / is a very,very bad idea.
Basically, you gave him permission to have sex with other women, even if this idea hurts you and worries you ? why ? are you a masochist ?
I know there ar... (read in full...)
Hurt and confused after she breaks it off, what should I do?
Q. So I had been seeing this woman for about 6 months. She is older than me. I am 29 and she is 42 but I the age difference has never been an issue as she has always dated younger guys. We really hit it off and have a lot in common and have gotten ...
A. 7 May 2013: I think you are going to get answers calling this woman a controlling bitch , bossy, uptight, paranoid, etc... and yes, if you get drunk- pardon me, " buzzed " - once every 6 months, eh well, live and let live, I'd say. You surely don't seem to ... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 18 April 2013: Talking to him at his dad's house ,or somewhere where you you can be alone and will not be interrupted by Plain Jane :), is a very good idea.
Btw, I'd deal my issue directly with the bf, leave the girl out of it. She is not your friend or rela... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 17 April 2013: 1)OP, unluckily, at least that I know, there is no foolproof method , short of physical violence, to make other people do what you like, or stop doing what you don't like. All you can do is to explain clearly what you don't like and why you ... (read in full...)
How can I simmer down the relationship between my boyfriend and the girl living with his family?
Q. My boyfriend of 8 months is worrying me. He has never had a girlfriend before me for more than a month. When we started the relationship, we were living together, alone, and I was working. I didn't know at the time but he had cheated on his previous...
A. 17 April 2013: Dear OP, you can do what you want, of course, but " jump to dump " often is not the superficial ,banal approach that you think it is. Often it is , in fact, if not the only, the smartest solution , and I'll try to show you why.
I would not call it "... (read in full...)
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