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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [244 pages, 9706 answers]

How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?

Q.   I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...

A.   11 December 2016:  I agree that walking around New York City at night is safer than one would think, but , the OP is from Australia....I doubt she will wait for the ball to drop in Times Square :)... (read in full...)

Is it time to leave this relationship? I'm starting to feel like a roommate or a good friend

Q.   29 F dating 29 M for approximately 1.5 years. My relationship has been rocky from the start. My boyfriend has always pushed the limit with flirting with girls or talking about them. Last month he texted a girl to send him pictures while o...

A.   10 December 2016:  Well, maybe he IS actually not willing to do what he does not want to do, even if it is something that would make you happy. Because for him his happiness is way more important than yours, so if you can get along with his program, and take adva... (read in full...)

Is my sexual wish too much to ask?

Q.   Dear aunts, I have a gf who i love. I'm straight but a like girls to play with my arse. I just like the sensation. I'm afraid if i ask my gf to try a dildo or a strap on on me will make me less desirable for her. What do you think?...

A.   10 December 2016:  Did the other girls find you less desirable for asking ? I mean, you say you have previous experiences in this sense, and, unless you are so lucky that all of them just took the initiative, - improbable,- then you must have hinted/ said / aske... (read in full...)

Was her comment to her girlfriend about the dick pic normal?

Q.   my wife got a picture of a dick texted to her from her girlfriend. She answered the text by saying the dick looked really good , once you get that dick you will never get it out of your mind , you can use him just for that dick . I never heard her ...

A.   10 December 2016:  No way ,lol. As if penises were such objects of beauty, exuding such erotic charm that when you see one, you just can't help, you would not want to, but just can't help, getting instantly aroused and getting off on it. In fact, many women th... (read in full...)

Is it over? Was he cheating? I suggested that we finish the relationship and he just accepted it, as if he's given up.

Q.   Hi i recently started distancing myself from my bf of 2 years as we were having a lot of problems(no intimacy for 6 months been the main problem+talking/flirting to girls online i suspected).. Plus told him after a month of hardly seeing him i wa...

A.   10 December 2016:  Why are you surprised ? You may have been together 2 years in total, but if it is 6 months that you had no sexual intimacy, AND he was flirting with other girls , AND you could not convince him to see you in person in one month, is pretty obvi... (read in full...)

Is he a once in a lifetime find??

Q.   Okay so I need some opinions. I was in an extremely verbally and emotionally abusive relationship ( he was the abuser) with my ex husband of almost 7 years. I finally realized what was happening and that he could not change so in July we made the...

A.   10 December 2016:  Chigirl is right. Everybody is Mr. Perfect two months in a new relationship. Not that he necessarily cannot be an once in a lifetime find... but you have no way to assess it after a couple of months of dating. Slow down. Don't move in with him ... (read in full...)

How can I keep safe on New Year's Eve when I will be alone?

Q.   I am going to the heart of my city to see theater show on NYE, am catching a bus due to traffic.. is this safe as a single woman alone.? I am alone caching a bus home after the show at 10.30-11pm, before midnights events/fireworks etc.. there will...

A.   9 December 2016:  I'd drive too. Yes it's going to be more expensive- I'd just factor in the extra cost, and extra time to deal with traffic safely ; but hey, it's once a year- or at least, an exception , not a regular occurrence , I suppose. So if for once you are ... (read in full...)

Am I in love with a creep? Should I get out now?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years. We have travelled the world together and have always been very happy. We have spoken about getting engaged and where we will settle down to raise our family. He has always treated me with respect ...

A.   8 December 2016:  What I find creepy is not his leg fetish, which compared to other stuff sounds in fact mild, but his habit to take legs' pics without the woman's knowledge and consent. As if there weren't enough legs pics on I-net , fashion magazines, lingerie ... (read in full...)

Is casual sex possible without emotion?

Q.   Is sex without emotions possible? I have only had two relations ships one long term since I was 20-26 and another one short brief 7 months ago- I grew up in a strict orthodox background that was never open to sex outside of marriage or being ...

A.   7 December 2016:  Yes it is totally possible, although if you are not someone who's got this " knack " naturally I doubt you should purposely strive to cultivate it. You are who you are. We are all different, each one with our past, upbringing, religion, ( or lack... (read in full...)

Anxious that my size will put him off

Q.   Hello everyone, a few months back I met a man online who I immediately hit it off with. As a little bit of backstory, I'm an avid player of online games and we encountered each other over a shared Teamspeak (similar to Skype in a sense). Over tim...

A.   5 December 2016: It is not a blind date. He has seen your pics, he knows how you look and he digs it. If he had had a problem with your size he would have steered you toward " let's not ruin out beautiful friendship".... (read in full...)

Anxious that my size will put him off

Q.   Hello everyone, a few months back I met a man online who I immediately hit it off with. As a little bit of backstory, I'm an avid player of online games and we encountered each other over a shared Teamspeak (similar to Skype in a sense). Over tim...

A.   5 December 2016:  Hey- it's not a blind date. He has seen you. He knows what you look like, and if he says he likes you, why do you have to doubt him- he could easily have you steered you toward " let's not ruin our beautiful friendship " if he had found you ... (read in full...)

I just found out my boyfriend's best female friend does porn to pay for college

Q.   My boyfriends best friend is a girl which I've always been ok with because she was dating one of his friends and my boyfriend says that even though she is attractive, he doesn't find her attractive. however I've recently found out that she does porn ...

A.   5 December 2016:  She does porn for money. Because they pay her. I doubt she would offer your boyfriend a sample of her art for free. If she were a dental hygienist, you would not be worried that she could force your bf to open his mouth and get his teeth ... (read in full...)

Uncertain about my forthcoming marriage

Q.   im confuse with what i really feel and what should i do with my fiance. i doubt my thought and perception about him. sometimes i feel hes the right man for my life and future family. the other time i cant stand when we are together because we often ...

A.   5 December 2016: Although I agree with Janniepeg rhat there ìs never any guarantee in life, I have to disagree with the rest of her answer to feel the fear and do it anyway. That's because I have a very good memory, so, even without a moniker or a flag, I remember... (read in full...)

Why does my wife come home wearing different colored panties? Is she fooling around?

Q.   So I have a strange feeling that my wife may be fooling around. Whenever she goes by her GF place, she always comes home with different panties on. Am I wrong for having these thoughts that there could be something here?...

A.   5 December 2016:  That must be a troll question.Who's the man who checks ( and remembers ) what panties his wife wears in the morning , and checks again if they are the same at night ? Not to mention that, if she was really fooling around, most probably... (read in full...)

How can this be resolved? I don't want to be a nag but I do want to be told I'm sexy!

Q.   Sometimes I like to make an effort in the bedroom and get new lingerie or something that I think is sexy. My guy just takes it off immediately without saying anything. I want to figure out a way to get my guy to communicate that he apprecia...

A.   5 December 2016: .. Maybe he does not think that sexy lingerie is particularly sexy. As a matter of fact, in my experience the people who fusses most about lingerie are women, and gay guys. The average hetero man ( and no, I am not talking about supermacho ... (read in full...)

We met online. Is he interested in me, or not? Do I contact him, or wait?

Q.   I went on a date with a man i met on a dating site. ( i dont get many ) He gave the lines how he's not connected with someone like me in a while and hes very open with everything. We get on so well i could see a future with him . The other day he...

A.   3 December 2016:  Yes, wait for him to contact you, 3 days of silence do not signify much either way, so you'll have to wait and see for a few more days. But, if and when he does contact you - pls. slow down. Hold your horses - you can see a future with someone ... (read in full...)

Is she just using me, because I talk so nice to her?

Q.   Hi, am wondering, i should keep, talking to this woman, I've been talking to for four years? We met on an online dating sire. We text each other, I've been really romantic with her, we have only met four times not on a date, she is very rich, a...

A.   3 December 2016:  Yes, you are wasting your time. If in 4 years you only met 4 times, half of which she brought another person along, I think it's abundantly clear she is not romantically inclined toward you. I don't know if I would say that she is inte... (read in full...)

Is it possible to have borderline personality yet lack the urge to be a slut and cheater???

Q.   I found out recently that I might have borderline personality disorder and dependent personality disorder. Ever since I been researching and trying to fix all the annoying parts these disorders have...And I keep coming to this question here, ho...

A.   3 December 2016:  Of course it is possible. In fact, if all your research points to BPD = slutting around and cheating... maybe you have been researching in the wrong places . It is true that two of the most commen symptoms of BPD are "severe impulsivity " and ... (read in full...)

Help, how will this manager treat me now?? And how should I behave now? I did something where I should have first asked permission of the manager.

Q.   When you do something at work you should have asked a manager for permission to do.. Not job threatening, but something that needed a managers permission, you should have asked first.. When he saw you he told you you needed to ask first.. yo...

A.   3 December 2016: I think you are blowing out of proportions what sounds like a minor mishap at work. You broke a rule, got caught, got rapped on your knuckles, took responsibility, apologized and promised you won't do it again. Case closed. You are normally... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend bored of me sexually, because he has suggested we use sex toys?

Q.   Hello cupids. I am not sure where my boyfriend is coming from. I am afraid he is not as happy with me sexually as he once was. We have been together for close to 4 years. Our sex life has always been pretty amazing. I went ahead and booked a hot...

A.   3 December 2016:  I think you are reading a whole encyclopedia in what seems a pretty innocuous straightforward statement from your boyfriend. You have used sex toys before,not out of boredom, and seen that occasionally they are a fun complement to your amaz... (read in full...)

Shouldn't he ask I be included?

Q.   My boyfriend and I live together. He has been invited to a wedding of a friend that I don't know. He has not been given a plus one but still wants to go. I feel that as we are a proper couple an invite should have been extended to me. If it is a ...

A.   1 December 2016:  Nooooo he should not ask ! If there's no plus one- don't ask . Never ever. The bride and groom surely have their reasons , good or bad that they may be, to keep the guests within X number , and to decide whom they want / don't want to their ... (read in full...)

Met a guy on Tinder. Was he just after a hook-up?

Q.   So I matched with a man on tinder Who was visiting my city for a week... I was surprised that I even went out with him bc I want a real relationship but he seemed really interesting. he actually asked me to coffee so wasn't really a hook up sitch...

A.   30 November 2016:  Uhm, if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... I mean, I doubt that a man would go on Tinder to seek the future mother of his children. Tinder is geared to hooking up, or anyway, even for people able to conduct things a bit more ... (read in full...)

Do I wait for him to come round? Or do I let go?

Q.   Could do with some insight here into my situation. I call it a situation because it is not nor never has been a relationship. and my female friends and male friends are offering conflicting advice. so I really am lost. I have a long-term friend...

A.   27 November 2016:  ...If he had not wanted to drag you into his "mess ", - he should have not accepted or suggested to meet up and should have not started something physical/ romantic with you. He could have just kept it at platonic friendship level. Even if ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend cheated but I want him back..

Q.   I have been in a 2 year relationship, and after the first year I would catch my boyfriend trying to talk to girls once in a while. He always apologised and used excuses such as "i was bored" "i was just trying out my game again" "it dont mean ...

A.   25 November 2016:  He was " home " ? Then it was a home of deception, lies and manipulation. A dysfunctional home. You can make a much better home for yourself. Will he come back ? No and you know why ? Because you won't let him ;) ( wink ). You won't let him beca... (read in full...)

Why do I feel nauseous when I see or hear other couples' sexual activity?

Q.   Does this happen to anyone else or am the only one? I was studying when all of a sudden I hear moanings from the other side of the wall. I stood up only to hear my neighbors having sex. They were a little loud so it was hard to ignore. I notice...

A.   25 November 2016:  Yours is one in a long list of sexual phobias. Sexual phobia is not just being afraid of penetration, or of performing specific sexual acts. Some people are afraid of nudity, for instance, or of seeing erotic images, or, like you, of hearing ... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   25 November 2016: I don't know if I follow your reasoning, OP... It seems to me that we are mixing together separate issues here : 1 ) if you mean that your friends should not hook up with anybody you had " something " in the past, again, I have to insist on " it d... (read in full...)

Should I have to beg this man to see me?

Q.   Hi. I would really appreciate some objective advice as I am feeling very confused and stressed. I started seeing a guy 4 months ago. It was going well until he met my 25 yr old daughter who took an instant dislike to him and made it clear ...

A.   24 November 2016:  " If I did not want to carry on seeing you, I would tell you ". That's a bit of a cliche', and very often simply not true. Why ? because if they told you, they would stop getting whatever they are getting out of the deal : for instance, ... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016:  Thanks for clarifying , OP- otherwise, it would have been really a strange story leaving all of us scratching our heads:) Nevertheless, and taking into account the due interval of time, I think my conclusions weren't so off the mark :... big ... (read in full...)

My crush. He's 20, I'm 17. Should I wait 2-3 years for him or not?

Q.   I'm a 17-year-old Asian international student. And I'm having a crush on a guy for a few months who is 20 right now. Actually he already had done some sexual stuffs with me although we're not in a relationship. Days ago I confessed to him...

A.   24 November 2016:  Noooo don't wait . You cannot be sure about his feelings ? I'd say you can be pretty sure. Pretty sure that he is not that into you : he admitted he does not return your feelings ( at least he has been clear about this )- a 5 on the scale o... (read in full...)

Should I have given this guy a third chance to meet up?

Q.   This guy contacted me on a dating website and he was originally from my area. He is a good listener, has a good sense of humor, and actually knows how to use a phone unlike other guys on the website who seem to like to hide behind texts. We hit it ...

A.   24 November 2016:  Don't take it so at heart, OP. Chancing into flakers is part and parcel of the dating site experience. I do not concur with the poster who says that all men are PIGS, yet it is undeniable that many people ( women as well, although somewhat less ... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016:  It gets confusing then !... Anyway , if the ex roommate is the same your friend is supposed to stay away from, - personally I would file this under " Much ado about nothing ". An alcoholic , hetero roomate gets drunk and says something out of o... (read in full...)

Should I have to beg this man to see me?

Q.   Hi. I would really appreciate some objective advice as I am feeling very confused and stressed. I started seeing a guy 4 months ago. It was going well until he met my 25 yr old daughter who took an instant dislike to him and made it clear ...

A.   24 November 2016:  You are not expecting one rule for you and another for him- but .. who got to choose which the rule is ? Any set of rules can only be applied and can only work if both parties accept them and commit to respect them, in view of a COMMON end.... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   24 November 2016:  Thank you for your update, OP, yet to me it still does not provide enough info to let us saymore than " it depends ". So, you were in love with your roommmate " for the entirety " .. and then , what happened ? Were you friendzoned ?, did you ... (read in full...)

What's my best stategy?

Q.   I want to ask a girl out but i dont now how to because i want to do it in a creative way since i wont be able to do it in person for a long time....

A.   23 November 2016:  Look, I don't want to rain on your parade, but , if you won't be able for a long time to ask her out in person, that also means that you won't be able to actually really GO out with her for a long time if she says yes, right ? So I guess I woul... (read in full...)

Does he really still care for me?

Q.   So I'm trying to figure out if my ex still has feelings for me... We broke up just over 2 months ago, we were together for four month and up until the last 3 weeks our relationship was amazing, we broke up because he had decided he was too busy to ...

A.   23 November 2016:  Probably he realized that things got out of hand after the break up and there was unnecessary pettiness from both sides, so he took the chance of the message you sent him by mistake to be civil and bring things back to a mature, polite level. H... (read in full...)

How much should I be involved with friends' love life?

Q.   As I grow older I recognise things that make me hurt and angry. One of those things that trigger me is when good friends stay friends with people I dont think are nice people and are mean, Another is friends dating people i dont like, also when ...

A.   23 November 2016:  Oh my, it must be quite a demanding job to be your friend and to abide by all your rules and regulations ! " If you are not WITH me- you are AGAINST me ": do you know who used to say that ? Mussolini. It did not end happily for him. Y... (read in full...)

The professor and the student...are we bad for having sexy fun?

Q.   I am not going to lie and say I regret this or that this is anything serious. He works at my university as a professor, and yes i am a student there. However, he is in a completely different department to me. He is 38 I am 22 and our university...

A.   23 November 2016:  Interesting. So in such a short time he has been downgraded from " meet the parents " to " naughty sexual fun " ?.. You've posted already a couple of times, one quite recently. And your problem was that, although your parents know that you gene... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my uncaring in-laws over the holidays?

Q.   Just to spare you the medical details: A few weeks ago, out of nowhere my elderly mom had to be hospitalized for a medical emergency. After 5 days she was released to a nursing home, but on Hospice. She Can no longer walk nor hold a conversation, ...

A.   23 November 2016:  Regardless of how uncaring and uninvolved your in laws were - I don't see why you should spend this Thanksgiving with them. Frankly I am even a bit surprised you'd consider the idea. Forget " uncaring " for a sec- as you said, you are after no "... (read in full...)

I'm having a hard time getting over her

Q.   I've posted about this female in questions a few times before. Basically I'm having a really hard time getting over her and I'm questioning my sanity and what else I can do to get over how I'm feeling. To cut a long story short, a FWB that didn't ...

A.   21 November 2016:  N91 I have a suggestion which is a variation on Ciar's. I read it on a self help book about anxiety, and, strangely enough.. it works, at least it worked for me and all the friends I passed it along to, when there's a problem of obsessing over ... (read in full...)

The guy who meant nothing to her in her past got to live out his fantasy while I, despite being her boyfriend, don't get the same privilege. Isn't it unfair?

Q.   I guess the question I have is what do I do? About 3 years ago before my girlfriend met me she had sex with a girl while a guy she occasionally hooked up with watched. They were all out at the pub and the girl was interested in her and the guys ...

A.   21 November 2016:  OP, what part of " I did not like it " you did not understand ? Is it unfair that she does not want to replicate with you a sexual experience which she did not like ? Not at all. She does not OWE you to do anything sexual that she would find... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is too controlling and I feel like running away

Q.   I've been in a relationship with a girl for 3 years now. I lost my job 3 months ago. I've been busy Monday through Friday teaching part-time and learning some new stuff. I told her that I'd be hanging out with my friends on a Friday's night. She ...

A.   19 November 2016:  It depends. From many variables. For instance : what does exactly mean " hanging out with friends on Friday" ? Somehow I coìan't think that your gf is such a harpy ,that she is against you going to a friend's house to watch TV and shoot the bree... (read in full...)

Had enough. What now? I'm honestly so ready to run, but I truly love my husband.

Q.   My husband and refuses to stand up for me when it comes to his crazy family. I was harassed during my husband's deployment. I have been through hell and back and defended my husband but I can't get the same in return. I always thought he would...

A.   19 November 2016:  OP, they are his family- his parents. Maybe they aren't nice people - not everybody is blessed with doting, caring, loving parents / siblings , as strange as this may sound to people who had that blessing in their life and never knew it could be ... (read in full...)

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