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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [249 pages, 9908 answers]

Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?

Q.   I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...

A.   20 April 2017: Dead women cannot have children. Ever thought about that ? ... (read in full...)

Is it weird that I don't feel anything for him after losing my virginity to him?

Q.   Hi I'm 17, soon to be 18, and a few weeks ago i lost my virginity. Me and this guy have known each other for some time over a year and have been good friends ever since. Although we've been just friends there's been this kind of sexual tension (for ...

A.   19 April 2017: No it's not weird at all. It's a dick, not a magic wand. It can't make you fall in love at first contact. As you notice yourself, there are plenty of girls who have their first time with some stranger on a drunken night out. Or yielding to peer ... (read in full...)

I waited 3 years to tell my LDR boyfriend that I have 2 children and now he's unsure of how he feels

Q.   I've been in a 3 year long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I'll admit I've been wrong in never disclosing to him that I've been married, divorced, and have two teenage children. I'm also 42 yrs old while he's only 33 yrs old. I've trav...

A.   16 April 2017:  I don't know if he will stay or leave, but if he leaves IMO he would be fully justified. I don't think at all that " if he really loves you he will come around , and if he does not , then it means that he does not love you enough ". This is t... (read in full...)

Can this very complex relationship work?

Q.   Ok so to start with I'm in a fairly new relationship with a girl who I do care quite a lot for and I feel this relationship is worth persevering with. When we are together things are really great. Since the beginning we seem to be very comforta...

A.   16 April 2017:  Much depends from what " fairly new " means . Like, 6 momths ? less ?... If in this short time you have managed to meet her, pursue her, go live together, then go back, start the LDR , just to see issues cropping up - well.... - ever... (read in full...)

I have my ex husband's last name. My current boyfriend wants me to change back to my maiden name. Should I?

Q.   My boyfriend does not like that I have kept the surname of my ex husband. It is just easier as my child's last name would be the same as mine. My boyfriend said it does not matter if my child's last name is different from his mother. I ...

A.   15 April 2017:  I think you answered your own question : " I am happy with my name as is and I feel no need to change it ". Well, of course all of us every now and then do things which we do not particularly like,in order to appease a loved one, but in this ... (read in full...)

Husband comes home drunk with his underwear inside out and stained. Is he cheating?

Q.   Yesterday my husband came late from work again. This time it was far worst than the last time ... He works at a restaurant , he is a waiter. Three weeks ago he came home 6 hours later after leaving the workplace, He doesn't use a cellphone since he ...

A.   15 April 2017: Jeez, this post almost made me queasy. OP, you sure can call a spade a spade- and this is exactly what makes me think that you are a troll, because we have had many posters describing very intimate, delicate, unusual situations , but they ... (read in full...)

Should I message him just one more time?

Q.   I went on a date with a guy who i really fancy ( i had already met him before so not a stranger ) He also said i was better than he thought . I left him a message on the dating site we are on saying if he wants to meet up again to contact me, ...

A.   15 April 2017:  Then take your cue from your own personal experience, beside from common sense , logic and spirit of observation. If they leave you in a limbo - they are not that into you to begin with. If they were very interested they'll make it known loud... (read in full...)

Was sending that message to my BF the best option? Or did I just stoke the fire more?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and have been friends for years before that. One thing I know about him is that when he gets upset he doesn't want to talk right away so when I know he's upset I'll just leave him alone until he's ...

A.   15 April 2017:  Interesting... Maybe he did fall asleep. Or maybe he did not. Anyway , the point is not if he slept or not. The point is that, when you could not reach him at once, you did not calmly say to yourself " Oh he must have fallen asleep then, or got ... (read in full...)

Can this very complex relationship work?

Q.   Ok so to start with I'm in a fairly new relationship with a girl who I do care quite a lot for and I feel this relationship is worth persevering with. When we are together things are really great. Since the beginning we seem to be very comforta...

A.   15 April 2017:  No. Moving to be with a long distance love interest is always a leap of faith. Not only because you do not know the person that much ( phone calls and texts are not the same as spending plenty of time together , in person ) but also beca... (read in full...)

Was sending that message to my BF the best option? Or did I just stoke the fire more?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and have been friends for years before that. One thing I know about him is that when he gets upset he doesn't want to talk right away so when I know he's upset I'll just leave him alone until he's ...

A.   14 April 2017: ..If he gets upset so easily, I doubt he is cut out for the military . Then again, who knows, maybe the army is in fact just the right place to disabuse him of the notion that the world revolves around him and his tender sensitivities. If the ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a man to have a friend with benefits he isn't attracted to?

Q.   I met a fellow on a dating site a few months ago with the mutually-agreed-on purpose of only having sex. Since then, we've continued to hook up, but it's been happening less and less - from several times a week to once every 1-2 weeks - although he ...

A.   14 April 2017:  You know, I think there IS. It's a myth that only men can keep sex and love separated. Women do it too. True, less than men , maybe because of a biological thing, women's bodies produce 8 times more oxytocin ( the bonding hormone ) than men... (read in full...)

Am I selfish and bad to be feeling so disappointed that he reneged on his original decision to aim to propose to me soon?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married for a while, and a few months back he told me when he'd hope to propose. I was getting very excited. That time-frame hasn't happened yet, however now he is saying he simply cannot afford the ring...

A.   14 April 2017:  This would be easily fixable , though. Tell him that you care much more about getting engaged and making your committment official, just as per agreed upon plans, than about the bling bling; and that you'll be more than happy to accept a more... (read in full...)

Toxic, controlling, abusive and violent relationship. But I do love him. Plus I recently cheated. What should I do?

Q.   I met my current partner 3 years ago, we were dating and then I moved into his place and sub letted my place to my sister as she had moved to London. At the time, three years ago, when I met my partner, my grandad had just passed away and my dad w...

A.   14 April 2017:  Of course you know what to do ! There's no way that you cannot know it. If you worked in a workplace where there are good chances that when you show up , your boss or coworkers will punch you, crack your ribs, physically hurt you ... would you ... (read in full...)

Mixed signals in a FWB

Q.   Currently in a 4 month fwb with a guy who has been divorced twice. We are both in our 50's age wise. I originally agreed to this fwb, because I am in the process of moving to his town (decision to move to that town was made before I met my FWB)and ...

A.   14 April 2017:  Maybe. Bit also maybe ( probably ! )not . FWB is not exact science, it's a mode of human interaction which allows for variations in individual behaviours. It's a fallacy , therefore, that FBWs MUST just be about sterile, mechanical e... (read in full...)

My husband and his co-worker have feelings for each other. What should I do?

Q.   Let me start from the beginning if I may. About 2 weeks ago my husband said one of his supervisors at the factory where he works 3rd shift came up to him while he was loading a truck and harassed him about being too close to a girl who has a bad re...

A.   13 April 2017:  I agree with the other ladies. Your husband is downright cruel, and if this is the man he is, you are not losing much, in fact he is doing you a favour. Let Miss 90 days have him. This stupid 90 days probation rule is her, or his idea, not your... (read in full...)

When is it ok to have "the talk" or expect to be exclusive ?

Q.   Hi all .. How soon is too soon to expect a guy to commit when it's a long distance relationship? You know us women are always being told not to "scare" me away by putting too much pressure on them. I've been dating a man long distance since N...

A.   13 April 2017:  Just out of interest , ( and maybe it is a dumb question, I know ) but what does " I am backing off " mean ? That you are not going to see him anymore and he is history, , or that now you know where you are at , and you do not expect being excl... (read in full...)

My unidentified online friend has reappeared on line. It is him. Should I reveal who I am to him?

Q.   Hi I have a difficult situation. A year ago I met a guy online. All was good but then he stopped texting. Last month we matched on a different website. Neither of us have a photo up. From what he has told me I know this guy is the one who I m...

A.   13 April 2017:  I agree with N91. Sure, try your luck- after all, the very worst that can happen is just... that he is not interested, which would leave you not worse than you are now, since you haven't even even seen or met each other ; in fact it woul... (read in full...)

Is it possible for a man to have a friend with benefits he isn't attracted to?

Q.   I met a fellow on a dating site a few months ago with the mutually-agreed-on purpose of only having sex. Since then, we've continued to hook up, but it's been happening less and less - from several times a week to once every 1-2 weeks - although he ...

A.   12 April 2017:  I think the most probable answer is that he is / was °somewhat ° attracted to you. I.e. : since surely he did not get himself an FWB because of doctors 's orders, he would not have had sex with you numerous times if he had not felt reas... (read in full...)

Trying to avoid attending a work function. What are some good excuses I could use?

Q.   I've been asked to go to a work meeting that I really want to avoid. The meeting is a 3 hour train ride from where I live so I would have to leave very early and get home late. I don't have any children or pets that I can use as an excuse. Are ther...

A.   11 April 2017:  Do you need to give an excuse ? I mean, if this meeting is something that is mandatory ,like ,included in your job description and duties , or at least something that it would be reasonably expected from you to attend in order to keep your work... (read in full...)

Dating tips sought, please? Any tips on forgetting about the ex? How to chat up a girl?

Q.   Hi guys, I'm having a real hard time at the moment trying to get back out into the world of dating. I've recently finally ended a VERY on/off relationship and I'm trying to put myself back out there to get over it as soon as possible. The...

A.   11 April 2017: Where's the fire ? Why such a hurry ? You said that you ended things with this girl recently, and recently is they key word. Maybe the up and downs have left you a bit battered, you have been put through the wringer emotionally , and now you need... (read in full...)

Mixed signals in a FWB

Q.   Currently in a 4 month fwb with a guy who has been divorced twice. We are both in our 50's age wise. I originally agreed to this fwb, because I am in the process of moving to his town (decision to move to that town was made before I met my FWB)and ...

A.   10 April 2017:  Well, if he °accused ° you of having strong emotional feelings for him, ( as in : it's wrong , it's something you should not do ), and accused you of not playing fairly as a friend ( which I am not sure what it means exactly, anyway something ... (read in full...)

Why show the picture, to show me she looked like that porn star?

Q.   Why would my guy show me a picture of a porn star and say, "before I knew you, a woman who looked exactly like this asked me out" ? Is he trying to make me feel insecure or point out that, "hey look I can get a woman sexier than you" ? What's hi...

A.   10 April 2017:  Honeypie and YouWish had me in stitches, these ladies are EVIL. Particularly YouWish who, I think ?, sings or used to sing in a church choir. YouWish, WHAT do they teach you at choir rehearsals ,LOL. Anyway, I concur , I'd chalk it up to HIS inse... (read in full...)

I'm a teen and I'm feeling insecure about the size of my penis. Am I normal, in size?

Q.   Hey guys. I'm 15. First question - is my dick size good. It's around 6.7-6.8in. or so in length fully erect. I'm that's a good size, yet I still constantly feel like it's small. It could be the girth. I have a problem with. I don't really have a ...

A.   10 April 2017:  First, don't be so sure you are through with puberty. Puberty last longer in males, it's not unusual to have 17/ 18 years old boys not at the end yet of stage 5 ( the final of the 5 stages of puberty ). Anyway even if you don't grow anymore- you ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend likes to ejaculate on my boobs and face and he finds this "adorable". Is this normal guy behavior?

Q.   Ok I need some other perspectives on this. My boyfriend is just my second sexual partner, so I'm not sure what to make of this. He's also 11 years older and way more experienced. Anyway, he's really good in bed compared to my first boyfriend. He ...

A.   10 April 2017:  That must be some sort of cultural thing ; I can see from similar questions to yours, that this a sexual behaviour that's often seen as " degrading " or " perverse " in certain countries. In my decadent, hedonistic Southern European cult... (read in full...)

Why wouldn't he want an emotional attachment? I feel discarded, by him.

Q.   Ive been seeing this guy for over a year and it has been a FWB situation due to our inability be together because of our jobs and his current relationship. (long story about that ) We deployed to 2 different locations in which he kept in contact ...

A.   9 April 2017:  The option, OP. It's all about ego, and the pleasure of knowing one has options. He is in control. He gets to pick and choose, he gets to pursue or discard. Plus, he may not want an ongoing sexual relationship, but - why throwing away a good lay ... (read in full...)

I don't seem to have much luck with dating. Should I message him one more time?

Q.   I'm quite unsuccessful in the dating game. I havent had much experience . Over a year ago i tried online dating and i got chatting with a lovely man and we met up had a great date . We agreed to meet up again but didnt exchange numbers and his memb...

A.   9 April 2017:  No way. Do you think that a guy with the tiniest little bit of interest would have let responseless your message of " Sorry for making an idiot of myself, I won't message you again " ? Never. He would have run to reassure you ;" Don't worr... (read in full...)

Can intercourse make a woman tighter?

Q.   Ok my wife is usually is avrage tigjt like not too tight but no loose. We has sex this morning and she was tight. She has cheated in the past amd she a lier for sure. If u have sex with someone can it cause ur vigina to be tighter ...

A.   9 April 2017:  Nonsense : of course not !, sex cannot make you tighter . It cannot even make you looser. But if you had believed in this other misconception, at least it would have made more sense. Sex can't stretch out a vagina, which is too elastic and ... (read in full...)

How should I start the conversation with the baby's father?

Q.   The baby's father and I only knew each other 3 months prior to me getting pregnant. I am currently 29 weeks. He was 100% aware of the possiblity of me getting pregnant and we had even talked about it. He had said he wanted to have a kid with me ...

A.   9 April 2017:  No ! Don't put black on white that you do not want child support.Now ,I don't know the laws in your State and I have no idea how legally binding would be such declaration waiving away your rights ,in a private , informal conversation- anyway ... (read in full...)

Why wouldn't he want an emotional attachment? I feel discarded, by him.

Q.   Ive been seeing this guy for over a year and it has been a FWB situation due to our inability be together because of our jobs and his current relationship. (long story about that ) We deployed to 2 different locations in which he kept in contact ...

A.   9 April 2017:  He won't give you the space to heal and move on from this, because if he did, then he would not be able to keep you on the shelf intil he feels like taking you down. He's looking after his own interest- not yours. He does not focus just on his ... (read in full...)

Should I message him on the dating site to reestablish contact between us?

Q.   Hi,I have been meeting with this man 2-3 times a year for the last 3 years, when he comes to my city on business from a neighboring country. We like each other a lot but distance makes things harder. Plus, he's also a bit inconsistent, and doesn't ...

A.   9 April 2017:  He may *say* that you are more than just a sexdate to him, but what he *does* is treating you like just a sexdate, and a not very appealing one, as for that. Listen to his actions, not to his words. Talk is cheap.... (read in full...)

Should I message him on the dating site to reestablish contact between us?

Q.   Hi,I have been meeting with this man 2-3 times a year for the last 3 years, when he comes to my city on business from a neighboring country. We like each other a lot but distance makes things harder. Plus, he's also a bit inconsistent, and doesn't ...

A.   8 April 2017:  Well, you phrase it more elegantly, but what you are saying ,I guess, is that thìs guy used to blow you off / stand you up- no notice, no explanations , no apologies. Then why would you pursue him ? I disagree with the poster who says that if ... (read in full...)

He wants to take me as his second wife but my mother doesn't approve

Q.   my name is mathapelo and im inlove with a married man and now he wants take me as a second wife and he has proofed himself to me he cant live without me in his lfe but my mom doesnt approves what do i do because i we really love each other pls help...

A.   8 April 2017:  I am afraid that this forum is not the most equipped to give you un unbiased answer. A huge majority of Aunts and Uncles is either Eurpean or Northern American, and in our cultures a polygamous marriage is an absurdity ( in fact, it's some... (read in full...)

Should I message him on the dating site to reestablish contact between us?

Q.   Hi,I have been meeting with this man 2-3 times a year for the last 3 years, when he comes to my city on business from a neighboring country. We like each other a lot but distance makes things harder. Plus, he's also a bit inconsistent, and doesn't ...

A.   8 April 2017:  You cannot contact him by phone but he can contact you, I guess , - and if he has not done it in 3 months it means that he is not that into you. Don't sweat it for someone who is so indifferent. I am sure you can find someone who values you more... (read in full...)

My husband wants us to stays friends with the woman he cheated with!

Q.   My husband cheated on me years ago. He hid it and never told me. When I found out he lied and said it was before we met and I should have asked him about her. But it wasn't. So he lied about his lie. He kept her as part of our friendship circle, but ...

A.   7 April 2017:  Are you saying that your husband had an affair within your circle of friends, and after he got busted , he insisted to stay friends with that woman and for you to apologize to her ? That's otrageous. He Leaves you no alternative than leav... (read in full...)

Coping strategies would be appreciated for bad office situation!

Q.   Not a relationship problem but hoped you guys could give me a bit of advice. I work in a small company of just over 20 staff, most of us working in a large open plan office. One of the women, who is in her 30s, has taken to wearing short SH...

A.   7 April 2017:  The only coping strategy that I can suggest is that you learn to pick your battles , to focus your attention, and indignation, on more deserving causes, and to keep your opinions to yourself, if the attire and behaviour of your colegues do not ... (read in full...)

I prefer staying home to attending his family gatherings! Is this going to be a problem?

Q.   Dear all, I am married to a wonderful guy and yet I've always been a bit of a loner. We always joke that we love being loners together. He comes from a large happy family and they meet every now and then for a huge meal. I have no issues with his ...

A.   6 April 2017:  Be flexible. It's all about working out reasonable compromises. Like , go this time, and skip the next. You do not have to attend all the family events, particularly if they happen frequently. Your husband knows that you value your " me time... (read in full...)

Should I write another letter to my ex?

Q.   We were together for 2 years. He was very special to me. He was my first everything. Our breakup happened in very complicated situation , i went through a miscarriage. I thought he was not giving me the support i needed . He thought i was very ...

A.   6 April 2017:  No , please. Why do you say that " you are afraid he won't come back ", if you just wrote hin a " goodbye forever " letter ?! What's the point of writing someone a " Get lost, you mean bastard " letter for writing him back, right after, a... (read in full...)

Do I stand a chance of things working out for us?

Q.   Dear agony aunts and uncles, Can you give me some advice? I'd appreciate any thoughts on this. I have been seeing a great girl for about 4 months. She and I have had a passionate and very lovely time together, I would say we were a great team i...

A.   6 April 2017:  I may be doing a lot of reading between the lines, here, but I feel I am not too far off the mark, because there IS a code in relationship-speak. You now, like " It's not you, it's me " which in fact means " No, it's actually you, you are too ... (read in full...)

I have a chance of a full time job but feel guilty about leaving my supervisor in the lurch!

Q.   I guess this is sort of a work relationship question. Basically I currently have a part time job where I work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. However, due to the first quarter of the year being our slowest time,I've now been cut down to 5 hours ...

A.   6 April 2017:  Yes, of course your supervisor has no say in hiring new people, she is an employee like you. The decision and responsibility of hiring or not hiring pertains to the management and / or owners of the company : SO WHAT. Do not try to microman... (read in full...)

Should I stay? Am I ready to move on? Please help me

Q.   I have a boyfriend who I have been with for about a year and three months, I can honestly say I am so in love with him it's hard because he is 5 hours away because he is in the navy. He is from where I live, since he came into my life he because so ...

A.   5 April 2017:  I am not sure I understood how did he break your trust , doing what. Maybe there's more to the story, other episodes that you do not mention ,to make you so hurt and upset. Otherwise, if we have to go strictly by what you mention in your post... (read in full...)

Are there any signs that he still loves me? I caught him cheating

Q.   i recently broke with my ex. he was having an affair with another girl and when i asked he denied it. we broke up and he said he is not a suitable guy for me and my family. but we still do video calls and talk for the whole night. actually we talk ...

A.   5 April 2017:  She says he is her boyfriend and he denies it ?... Then, unless the girl is completely crazy and delusional, there must have been something going on between the two of them. Otherwise ( unless she is mentally ill of course ) why would she be u... (read in full...)

I want to stop comparing my life with others. How do I learn how to slow down?

Q.   How do I learn how to slow down? I have been with my partner for a long while and we want marriage. But all of my friends are getting married left right and centre and I can't help but want everything at the same time as them and I put all this pre...

A.   4 April 2017:  Generally I am not one to advise pushing for marriage, nor I think that marriage is some ultimate, accomplishment in a woman's life. But, there's something in your post that makes me curious. You are 26 to 29 and he will be , I guess, a... (read in full...)

Are there any signs that he still loves me? I caught him cheating

Q.   i recently broke with my ex. he was having an affair with another girl and when i asked he denied it. we broke up and he said he is not a suitable guy for me and my family. but we still do video calls and talk for the whole night. actually we talk ...

A.   4 April 2017:  Didn't you say that you broke up ? Treat him like someone you have broken up with, then ! Treat him like the EX who he , supposedly, is. No more video calls and no more whole night talk. This will dispose of the need itself for asking ... (read in full...)

I have a chance of a full time job but feel guilty about leaving my supervisor in the lurch!

Q.   I guess this is sort of a work relationship question. Basically I currently have a part time job where I work 6 hours a day, 5 days a week. However, due to the first quarter of the year being our slowest time,I've now been cut down to 5 hours ...

A.   30 March 2017: Misplaced guilt. I am sure you are valued and valuable at your part time job- but you are not irreplaceable- nobody is. If you leave, they'll just hire somebody else. And with the tons of young people looking for employement, it should not ... (read in full...)

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