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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   17 May 2016:  OP, really ! Do you even read anything of what we write ?, do you ever trust that ,who knows, any of us may have the wisdom and life experience to be telling something sensible ? Again : you don't need a precise match , sexually speaking. It's... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?

Q.   Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...

A.   12 May 2016:  I don't know and don't think that it is necessary to " play games " or " play hard to get " to get attention from someone ( who HAS an interest in you, of course ). But I am sure that attention flows more freely, warmly and spontaneously when... (read in full...)

Does every relationship become boring like this?

Q.   Does every relationship get so boring that there is no excitement anymore and it feels like you are just friends? When I was first with my boyfriend I wouldn't say I was infatuated or obsessed but I liked him a lot. That lasted for about a year but...

A.   12 May 2016:  No. Certainly not. Not every romantic relationship becomes boring or brotherly , and definitely not after only one year ! Although I must say that relationships where , after 20 years together, you still can't keep your hands off each other, or y... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend tell me he was with his mom all day when he actually went out without her?

Q.   Hello. I need your help in figuring out my boyfriend's actions today. Here is what happened. I texted him this morning at around 11. I said "good morning" to him like usual. But there was no reply. Usually he replies pretty quickly. I th...

A.   11 May 2016:  I am not sure I got the timing right. If you texted him around 11 .... don't tell me that you texted him a few minutes before 11 and when he did not answer instantly you proceed to spy on him right away !? That's extreme. Very OTT. You haven't ... (read in full...)

I should go at all?

Q.   So I really liked this guy, who at first liked me too, but who now has feelings for my best friend instead. My best friend isn't into him in that way because she has someone she already really likes but on my end it still kind of hurts and is weird...

A.   11 May 2016: Fourth Aunt . Don't go. Much ado about nothing. You don't really want to go, she does not really want to go- then don't go. The only one who is interested in this outing is the boy and he may be disappointed, but,hey, he'll get over it. ... (read in full...)

Is my nudity, inside my own home, in front of my 44 year old stepdaughter, OK or not?

Q.   My wife and I are in our late 60's - just average people except that we like to be nude at home when it is warm enough. Now my 44 year old step daughter is living with us and strongly objects to me being naked even though it is my house. Her mo...

A.   11 May 2016:  As for that , I am sure that you will agree that God has also made your digestive and excretive system ( and what a brilliant masterpiece of chemistry and physics it is ! ) : But , when you are in your own home, do you go in your own living room... (read in full...)

Is there a grain of truth in the feedback she gave me?

Q.   The other day a couple of my close female friends were telling me about how girls have different opinions of people than they show in person. I was curious and asked what they thought about me in the thoughts they keep to themselves. After p...

A.   10 May 2016:  OP ! I am pretty sure that many Aunts and Uncles had told you already, more or less, what your friends just told you. Several times, and also recently. The wording might have been different but the gist was the same. And you always sort of went ... (read in full...)

Not sure if this is a crush?

Q.   Hi, so I've recently become sort of friends with this guy in one of my college classes. We make each other laugh and he's just a great guy to talk to and be around. I'm having feelings and I don't know what kind of feelings they are. Either I...

A.   10 May 2016:  To me it sounds like a crush allright... not full blown yet but on its way there... like when you don't have a cold yet but you can feel it coming on...anyway, I concur with the other Aunts, why do you need to label " it " ? Just relax, and enjoy ... (read in full...)

How will I handle these delicate decisions about inviting and seating guests at our wedding?

Q.   I just got engaged yesterday. We had talked about it for a while before hand so I knew it was going to happen... I just didn't know when! Anyhow my fiance and I had just booked a months holiday to California so we were going to secretly elope in ...

A.   10 May 2016:  Technically immediate family means your mom and your dad. In your place I 'd just invite them , without partners. Also because if it is supposed to be an elopement, -you should try to keep the number of attending people down to the barest ... (read in full...)

I miss him when I can’t see him and I like being around him, but do you think this might be too toxic?

Q.   I'm very much into this guy i've known for several months he is sober and in a 12 step program as I am and I guess that for me is me a bit of comfort. Having a similar background not having to explain myself to him I know he likes me but he also ...

A.   10 May 2016:  I thought that people in 12 steps program were supposed to stay totally away from relationships at least for all the first year of their recovery ? Isn't " no relationships during the first year of sobriety " a big important rule ? ... (read in full...)

Are all European women this agressive? How about men?

Q.   My wife and I move around a lot because of my work. We have been together for 18 years (married for 15). We both wear rings. And please understand that I am not writing this to brag, I have never been chased by ladies, I would really appreciate some ...

A.   10 May 2016: It's hard to answer you . Europe is extremely diversified in everything , from food to politics to drinking habits etc.etc. A 3 hour car trip may plunge you into a different world even within the same country, so go figure. Widely generali... (read in full...)

Would our guests from Scandinavia be horrified to see ants in our home?

Q.   We live in the USA and are not really into using poisons. Thus we have a fair number of ants in our house. Mainly the tiny little ones that don't bite or anything LOL Anyway, we have some houseguests coming to visit from Europe (Scandinavia). D...

A.   10 May 2016:  And are you also against using cayenna or black pepper... cinnamon ... vinegar... lemon juice...baby powder...crushed mint ...tea treee oil ...and another dozen or so of effective, natural anti-ants remedies that anybody can find having a look ... (read in full...)

Am I missing the point, or is he being over dramatic?

Q.   Im not sure what I am asking, but I guess Im wondering if this is acceptable behaviour or not. When I asked my boyfriend today if he could do me a favour, he replied not right now. I said it needed to be done right away, and he just said he cou...

A.   9 May 2016:  Ah but then it's different- the dog's pee is just the tip of the iceberg. The real problem is not that he does not take enough care of the dog, it's that he does not take enough care of your relationship. He is not putting his energy into it, in ... (read in full...)

Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?

Q.   Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...

A.   9 May 2016:  I just read your last update OP, and ... in case your BF is planning a career as a lawyer, tell him not to, he would not convince anybody, his argumentations make no sense . Why should he have as his main goal to make a sarcastic ( in fact, offe... (read in full...)

Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?

Q.   Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...

A.   9 May 2016:  Ok, so he was not drunk, point taken. Therefore, yes, he did not care if he was rude and juvenile. As long as he could show to fast drinking Allie that he finds her attractive. And ?... Is that OK with you ? Are you fine with dating a guy... (read in full...)

Should I choose a University in London to give our relationship a chance?

Q.   I really love this guy, we haven't gotten into a serious long term relationship yet but he continues to tell me he loves me and wants me in his life for a very long time however we have never directly talked about marriage as it is too soon and i ...

A.   9 May 2016:  Be smart and put yourself at the center of your life, not a ( for now ) casual relationship. Just go to the best uni for you, wherever it may happen to be (... and maybe it will be in central London,who knows. What is it , central London is G... (read in full...)

Has my boyfriend overstepped the mark?

Q.   Hello, I'd like to seek your opinions on the following scenario: My boyfriend and I were attending a wedding banquet and seated at a table with people we recently met. I'd like to highlight two girls in that table: Susan and her older sister A...

A.   9 May 2016:  Maybe it was a whole lot of beers too many. Otherwise, if " this is who he is ", well, then he is an oaf. I can't believe it !, who in his right mind would say to a perfect stranger ( not that it's much better if you say it to a friend , but at... (read in full...)

Should I consider this relationship as a possible LDR? How would I raise this with him?

Q.   I met a great guy on an online dating site last summer. We only went out once, but I liked him. He's everything I'm looking for in a guy - Tall, Smart (med student), Asian, caring, compassionate, etc... The only problem is...he goes to school in...

A.   9 May 2016:  Honestly I would not bother if I were you. LDRs are hard enough to carry on when both people are delirious with enthusiasm, when either one's enthusiasm is lukewarm, it's a still birth. I am sorry but it does not sound like this guy has enou... (read in full...)

My fiance gave me the engagement ring his former fiance wore!

Q.   At the risk of sounding like a spoilt brat here- which I assure you I'm not, I'd like some opinions. I got engaged 2 weeks ago and have been with my fiancé for almost 4 years. If I'm honest I wasn't keen on the ring- it was pretty but too ...

A.   9 May 2016:  Eh, I am afraid I have to join the general consensus. Recycling engagements rings just it is not done in civil society ( unless they are old and precious family heirlooms ) , and this hints at your fiance' being either a cheapskate or a ... (read in full...)

When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?

Q.   This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...

A.   9 May 2016: @ Tisha -1 : and you please forgive my tardiness in thanking you for joining my little survey, it was much appreciated. I am sorry if I caused you a writer's block :),... I must say you make it sound as if I were some minor Dorothy Parker , ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend invited me to his graduation. Should I attend?

Q.   Hi aunts!! My ex boyfriend just called to ask if I would be willing to attend his undergrad graduation in June 11th. He and I dated for 6 months and broke up twice both times because my best friend let me know he was cheating on me, though neith...

A.   7 May 2016:  No, you should not attend. I don't even know why he is laying it on so thick with the " part you had in his life " - unless nobody else will be attending his graduation !, and / or he sort of wants to keep you on the back burner just in case... (read in full...)

Hookups where the women only get oral?

Q.   Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...

A.   5 May 2016:  Oh Lord-love-a-duck !, as the Brits would say . You are not being naive here, OP, you are just being , pardon me, thick-skulled : it would not be having vaginal sex ( or not having vaginal sex ) per se, or having / not having oral sex which wo... (read in full...)

One boyfriend too many. What should I be considering?

Q.   I have this problem. I already had two boyfriends but I realized I really don't want one. I thought we would keep flirting like we always did and go on dates but my parents made that impossible and we had to sneak around. Which meant they promised...

A.   4 May 2016:  While the idea of group dates is excellent , as suggested by the other posters , is sound and excellent and solves many problems, I am not sure it solves this OP's problem. I think she has written before about that ( mentioning an older age ... (read in full...)

Should I say anything to my sister? I don't want to appear judgemental

Q.   I have an older sister who I feel is making bad decisions but I don't know if it's my place to say anything. Growing up I admired her drive and work ethic but since she got with her child's father she has changed. They are no longer together...

A.   4 May 2016: Although I am not particularly fond of people who make a career out of depending from government's assistence, it needs to be told , though, that generally governments do not assist you if you are young, strong, fit as a fiddle, issue free and with ... (read in full...)

After our marathon 8 hour fight, what can I say to my LD guy?

Q.   Before knowing my current boyfriend (lets call him S) I went to a party and kissed a guy who was way older than me, I was 16 he was 20. It was nothing else apart from a kiss, caused by being tipsy and 'lovin the single life' so yeah.. In my opinion, ...

A.   4 May 2016:  You can say to him " Bye bye, have a good life " OP , when he called you an average slut, that was your clue to exit the scene left. He is very quick to resort to verbal abuse , and make drama over small stuff- imagine what would happen if you ... (read in full...)

How does a teen get over a celebrity crush?

Q.   I have a celebrity crush. I understand that at my age, this is completely normal, but I think that I have crossed the line. I won't explain how (I'll leave that to your imagination) but I know that I've gone too far. I've tried to find obtainable ...

A.   4 May 2016:  How did you go too far ? Did you hide naked in their hotel room's cupboard ? ... Yeah, that's going too far. Don't do that:). All the rest is normal. It means that you are young and healthy and you have imagination, and zest for life . Just ... (read in full...)

Hookups where the women only get oral?

Q.   Hookups where the women only get oral? I've seen some women mention that they do this online and that it's a mini-trend now, but I wanted to see some stories. What did the guys do or how did they react when you made it clear you only wanted them to ...

A.   4 May 2016:  OP, I hope that the last sentence of your submittal was written in jest, because if you mean it literally, you ARE playing with fire, you are opening yourself wide up to be raped or beaten up. You would not be fooling with the boy next door or y... (read in full...)

What do women think of very hairy guys?

Q.   What do women think of very hairy guys? Is it a turn off and a major deal breaker when a guy is very hairy on his body? Be honest....

A.   4 May 2016:  I doubt you'll find a general consensus . Preferences vary. If you ask me , for instance, yes, honestly it's rather a turn off ( although not a " major dealbreaker ": a man is more than just the sum of his body hair ! ). I love smooth ches... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't have respect for my religious beliefs!

Q.   Hi Dear Cupid! I have been dating this wonderful guy for about 8 months now and I am worried about one thing . . . . he doesn't respect my religious beliefs. He says he's not an atheist, but he also says he doesn't really believe in anythi...

A.   3 May 2016:  I wish I could be as optimistic as Denizen, but I am not because I have seen many times love NOT conquering it all. But my perplexity is, assuming that love could conquer it all, ..it also SHOULD ? At expense of your most sacred values and moral ... (read in full...)

Why do low-income families go on to have more children when it's hard to make ends meet?

Q.   Just curious, as I see tons of family's that have sometimes 4 or more children, yet have an extremely small income. You'd think it'd be the opposite, because the low-income families have neither the time nor the money to properly care for these ...

A.   3 May 2016:  I guess there's a different answer for every different geographic location / culture. Several Aunts quoted a social system where you get tangible rewards and benefits for every new kid you make. This , for instance, can't happen in Italy, wher... (read in full...)

Our long distance relationship is a struggle! Advice?

Q.   My girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. I love her to absolute death, but there are two major problems. Number one is the fact that long distance relationships are already sexually frustrating, but she isn't even interested or ready ...

A.   3 May 2016:  OP, I know you'll be disappointed but the Aunts , although some times can come up with useful advice, do not have a magic wand to cancel your real, factual life conditions and limitations. So : there's nothing to do. If you are 13-15 and your... (read in full...)

Was I in the wrong for asking him about the pictures and did he only tell me he wanted to make things work so he could have sex?

Q.   Hey my ex broke up with me about a month ago. Everything was going really well we'd made plans to live together when we'd both finished uni as I finish this year but he has one year left. He said that he never had a connection like the one he had ...

A.   3 May 2016:  I guess to answer your question it would help to know why he broke up with you. The way you tell it, it 's a strange story. I mean, you still are attracted to each other and you still love each other and you still feel a special emotiona... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   3 May 2016:  You'll be fine, OP, mark my words. You need, as you know, to keep working on your confidence and self esteem and then just ... dive trustfully into the sea of sex. Honestly, that's all. You are willing to learn and eager to please- that's the ... (read in full...)

Did he just need some time for himself? Or was my Bf trying to create distance between us?

Q.   Would you be upset with your long time BF if you just spent two weeks on vacation and the last two days you had together when you got back back home he did not stay at your place? Instead he went back to his for some "me" time? He could have s...

A.   3 May 2016:  Would I be upset... ? Not at all. I guess that's because personally I'd get exactly where he is coming from. After 2 weeks of 24/7 intimacy and closeness and romantic bliss... I'd be clicking my heels and chanting "There 's no place like home... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   2 May 2016: OP, I know that all this preys on your mind a lot so I would not want you to think that I am making fun of you, but tbh something you say is quite funny and made me ( godnaturedly, I promise ) smile : Ah so you would be Ok if she had had lots of s... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   2 May 2016:  I know I just told you myself that if you wanted a girl with your same low level of sexual experience *for the right reasons * that would be fine.. but then I had a thought that I want to share. A doubt, actually. I don't have an answer to this... (read in full...)

If you've already had sex, then which do you think is better - Affection or Sex?

Q.   I don't think I want to have sex. I thought I did and I was getting ready to lose my v card soon. But every time I think about sex...I'd say ninety percent of the reason I'd have it is because the guy wants it. I know it sounds stereotypical bu...

A.   2 May 2016:  It's difficult to " prefer " one, because it's not like you have to choose. You can have both at the same time, or in rapid succession. Couples ( not hook ups ) do not draw such a neat sharp line between the two things, one sort of spills into the ... (read in full...)

If our LDR is really over then why is he still responding to my messages?

Q.   Hello, and thanks in advance for your advice you are able to offer. I was together with my partner for 16 months. It was a long distance thing, and we saw each other most weekends. Were have been apart for six weeks new, he finished it with...

A.   2 May 2016:  Why not ? You contact him, he answers. He has dumped you but that does not mean that he must hate you or mistreat you , unless you make a nuisance of yourself. But if all you do is dropping a message every now and then, he feels that he... (read in full...)

Why is my partner dreaming about sex?

Q.   Me and my other half have been together for 6 years, the last couple of months its become a little rocky. we haven't had sex in around 5 months. a couple of nights I have woken up to him touching me and kissing me. HES ASLEEP, only problem is ...

A.   2 May 2016:  He could have sexual dreams about other women even if you were still sexually very active ! Dreams are not conscious and not rational, they are just the transposition in symbols of what's going on deep down in our psyche. You can't make ... (read in full...)

Is he just leading me on? Is he really in love with me? Or is it just sex??

Q.   Okay so I'm bi not out! Please read full story I started seeing this guy in September 2015 and it was great but after a couple of weeks he started to tell me he had feelings for me. I continued to hide back my feelings and made him continue...

A.   2 May 2016:  It's sex. Actions speak louder than words. He can say all the sweet things he wants, but when, at the end of the day, he still has a bf, and STAYS with his bf , and has to keep you hidden from him, well, isn't it rather self evident how the land ... (read in full...)

Holiday with others and my Bf. How can I get over my fears and actually enjoy this holiday?

Q.   I feel really worried about a group holiday that my boyfriend has set up with his friends and their partners. In August, 10 of us are going on a joint birthday holiday for 3 of us the people. It's my boyfriend's birthday, and then one of the coup...

A.   2 May 2016:  I am taking Janniepeg's view- how to cope during the vacation is the least of your worries. Worst case scenario, bring a pile of books, or book sightseeing tours for yourself, and take advantage of your alone time for resting well or having facials ... (read in full...)

Is it wrong to screen out women as potential partners due to their past sexual history and how many partners they have had?

Q.   I spent a lot of my teens having low self-esteem and have very little dating experience. I had a girlfriend in high school. Still a virgin even though I have done everything else. I used a lot of that time to make sure I have an amazing future and ...

A.   2 May 2016:  It would be fine if you were doing it for the right reason. Like, you want a woman who is not too impulsive and can exercise self restraint , or you want a woman who takes sex as seriously as you do and thinks of it not as a recreational activity ... (read in full...)

Why will a married man NOT leave his mistress, even when affair is in danger of being exposed?

Q.   Why won't a married man give up his long time mistress EVEN when their affair is in danger of being exposed to the world and to his wife? For example: Some people in their work place are starting to become suspicious. But he still won't leave hi...

A.   2 May 2016: Why some people keep smoking a pack of cigarettes a day or drinking a bottle of vodka a day even knowing fully well that it will have consequences for their health, ,maybe even fatal consequences ?.... Why some people keep driving well beyo... (read in full...)

When travelling, what are your pet peeves about the people you meet and the places you visit outside of your own country?

Q.   This is not a relationship issue, it's just something recreational if any of you wants to humour me up. So : yesterday I was reading on a travellers' forum a thread called "Why Italians are so rude." Now, .. Italian can be rude, I am not argui...

A.   1 May 2016:  Thank you, it was a super entertaining reading, just as I had expected. Each of you gave me interesting info , food for thought, or just something to chuckle over, so ... you get an individual mini-essay too : @Aunty BimBim. Surprising ! Mayb... (read in full...)

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