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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [259 pages, 10327 answers]

My boyfriend said he liked my skinnier self and now I'm very hurt.

Q.   I need help. Just had a big fight with my boyfriend of 5 years. We are in a hotel room travelling to Memphis and we were enjoying a week long road trip. I've put on some weight since we met. But then so has he. He had once told me he would...

A.   24 April 2018:  One can love you to bits at any weight you happen to be, AND still like you better ( prefer you from an esthetic point of view ) at a certain weight or shape. If you don't want to know his preference, then don't ask. What's the point of askin... (read in full...)

A guy I was seeing went quiet on me, he says he is following legal advise.

Q.   Im just wondering what are peoples thoughts. I was seeing a guy who went quiet on me we had been seeing each other for 6 month. i heard from him a handful of times in 2 month and didnt get to see him . I didnt sit about waiting for him i got on with ...

A.   19 April 2018:  Don't waste time on him , this is a big load of bullshit. Supposing that he does have legal issues banning him from social media ( issues that ,IMO, he should have told you at once when they arose, even without giving you full details ; not two ... (read in full...)

Should I be thankful for the little I've got?

Q.   Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...

A.   19 April 2018: Well, not to be polemic, but... staying in a dysfunctional relationship which brings you sadness and anxiety, BECAUSE you are afraid you'll be alone ,fits perfectly the definition of " needy ". You don't love or want this guy, at least not only; ... (read in full...)

Should I be thankful for the little I've got?

Q.   Yes, mod, I’m 17. The only person I can talk to about my depression and anxiety is my boyfriend but I’m stuck in a polygamous relationship with him and his girlfriend. However, I love him and I’m getting tired of sharing him. I just want his body ...

A.   18 April 2018:  But you DON'T have a guy who loves you. If he loved you, he would not have a problem in choosing of being only with you. That would happen voluntarily, you would not have to try and strongarm him into loving you Particularly since he knows ... (read in full...)

He didnt hurt me enough to leave bruises, but scared me, did I cause this?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and we have even recently been looking at getting our own place together. We had a lovely weekend. He took me out for food and drinks Saturday and paid for everything. We laughed and danced. It was p...

A.   17 April 2018: You don't feel strong enough to leave him...but you feel strong enough for a long hospital stay , instead ?Strong enough for remaining disabled ? For a trip to the morgue , maybe ? Don't think I am being dramatic. Maybe I am and maybe I am not. You ... (read in full...)

He didnt hurt me enough to leave bruises, but scared me, did I cause this?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and we have even recently been looking at getting our own place together. We had a lovely weekend. He took me out for food and drinks Saturday and paid for everything. We laughed and danced. It was p...

A.   17 April 2018: Don't worry about your mental health- worry about HIS ! This guy is crazy ! - and dangerous. He goes berserk and dares to physically attack you over nothing ! Ok, he never had done it before- but there is always a first time, and when there is, ... (read in full...)

A question about my graduation

Q.   Hello everyone. I'm graduating from college next month and students have the possibility to choose the teacher who will give them their dimploma during the ceremony. There's a teacher I totally admire: she's a brilliant teacher, she is close but ...

A.   17 April 2018:  Why should it be weird ? She has to give you a diploma at your graduation ceremony, not to get engaged to you ! What she may feel about your as a person ( and not as a student ) is irrelevant. ( Besides, you don't even say, or suspect,... (read in full...)

Why is she so attention seeking??

Q.   Yesterday a 44 yr old female work colleague with 5 kids had her wisdom teeth out,she posted a post surgery selfie of her swollen face on our works fbook page, Is this pure attention seeking? She’s a quiet and good worker, invisible.. like...

A.   17 April 2018: Attention - seeking ? Being needy ? Aren't you being quite negative and judgemental ? Probably this lady is just more attuned than you, more "with it ", to the current general mood , habits and social mores. It's considered very normal and unex... (read in full...)

Can I get an std from someone using no protection who came back with a clean bill of health

Q.   So I have 2 sex partners and both are clean ( before you question how I am sure, I have had both men take std tests as well as taken one myself so everyone is safe) but I’m curious if I can still get an std from either of them from unprotected sex? ...

A.   13 April 2018: Yes, you are at risk. Isn't it obvious ? Your two partners may be clean, but not necessarily THEIR other partners , present and / or future, will also be clean. Or, their partners' partners. Maybe you know, or assume, that for both guys you are ... (read in full...)

My ex has said he would never marry me, but I want him back!

Q.   Does my ex still have feelings for me or not?. I dated him for a year and a half from 2015 until 2017. Then I left him for another man that we both know, who I was in a relationship with for nearly a year ( he broke up with me three months ago). My ...

A.   8 April 2018: I agree, once again, with Honeypie. Going back to an ex might, just might, have a chance of success if both have have the will and the chance to change what made them break up before. But you left him for another man- you cannot " unleave ... (read in full...)

How long before I can tell her I love her?

Q.   I’m in my 40’s and I’ve been seeing my new girlfriend for about 2 months. It’s going well so far and I have really fallen for her. I’m going through all the usual feelings of missing her / wanting to be with her / wanting to message her / thinking...

A.   8 April 2018:  Yes, 2 months it is a bit too early. Not so much because you don't know yet if she reciprocates your feelings, but because YOU don't know yet if your feelings are deep , genuine and long lasting. You might as well just be infatuated , or elated / ... (read in full...)

I think my girlfriend is too promiscuous to me. Break up?

Q.   Dating for a few months I'm 30 she's 22, yesterday I found out a lot of pictures of her with her ex on her facebook from a few years ago. I asked her why she keeps them and she said she forgot to delete and that doesn't make any sense since they're ...

A.   23 March 2018:  You should break up, no doubt. You call her (... so far just to yourself, ok ) whore and slutty ! No way a relationship can be carried on happily ,based on this degree of respect- in fact, zero respect. Leave the poor girl alone and free to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is on the dole and his mother wants money

Q.   hi my boyfriend of 2 years moved in with me.he is on the dole.he gives me 30 pounds a week to help with bills and food.i work min wage so I pay for all the bills really.if we go out I pay.i never expect my boyfriend to pay because he only has ...

A.   15 March 2018:  I just saw your update, OP, and I'd like to add something : while of course I do not know why the old lady asked your bf for money rather than his siblings, I can offer a reasonable guess. She did not ask money to the brother or the sister p... (read in full...)

Bf doesn't want to come to my graduation ceremony. Is this an indicator that our relationship is not worth my while?

Q.   My boyfriend of one year does not want to come to my graduation ceremony, and honestly I'm pretty upset but don't know what to do. I don't want to force him, and i just dropped the subject. so I don't know what to think of our relationship if he ...

A.   15 March 2018:  Not necessarily. Maybe he has his own good reasons for not wanting to partecipate - like , for instance, distance, time and money ( say, if he has to travel from afar, which is costly and time consuming , and / or take time off from work ). ... (read in full...)

Why did my manager belittle me like this?

Q.   Recently at work I accidentally dropped a plastic container, it made a loud noise ad people were startled. It was an accident! One of my managers, (a woman of 58 who Ive been working with for years, and am very careful around, as she's very p...

A.   15 March 2018:  Let it go. It sounds to me like rather innocuous office or workplace banter. It helps passong the time- X does or says something "wrong " ( in the sense of not perfect ), Y throws in a quip, X quips back... It does not necessarily have to be ... (read in full...)

I had to test his loyalty but now he won’t talk to me!

Q.   okay, so today i had the idea of making a fake snapchat account and adding and texting my boyfriend as another girl while simultaneously texting as the real me on my real snapchat...(i had two devices). he added the fake one and and asked who is it ...

A.   15 March 2018: Why did you have to test his loyalty ? Had he been up to no good, did you suspect him of something specific? Even in this case the fake snapchat would have been a dumb idea, the best would have been either to confront him and have a a mature , ... (read in full...)

My brother does not accept my older boyfriend

Q.   Dear Agony Aunt, So I have this new boyfriend. I have been with him for nearly 6 months now (which I know isn't a long time at all) however he is 10 years older than me and has 3 children. My family were aware of this and do not accept it at all...

A.   15 March 2018:  If I were your brother I would not like it either . At all. Both because of the age difference that at your young age is relevant ( it would be much less relevant if you were 25 and he 35 ) and makes him look rather predatory and superficial. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is on the dole and his mother wants money

Q.   hi my boyfriend of 2 years moved in with me.he is on the dole.he gives me 30 pounds a week to help with bills and food.i work min wage so I pay for all the bills really.if we go out I pay.i never expect my boyfriend to pay because he only has ...

A.   15 March 2018:  What it is not right first of all is that he is basically living off you, well knowing that you work at min wage and you cannot afford to support another adult. 30 pounds a week is a drop in the sea, the effort is to be appreciated but at ... (read in full...)

Holiday dilemma

Q.   Hey everyone. I recently broke up with my boyfriend but we booked flights to visit his home country for easter (at a different time to him but to the same place). I can't afford to change them or move them or the place I was supposed to be s...

A.   15 March 2018:  By all means , go ! Not going would be a terrible waste of money , plus you could do with a vacation and the time away. Of course it depends a bit from where you are going, like, if you are visiting,say, New York or Rome, I think it's highly ... (read in full...)

Why did he leave his pet with me if he doesn't intend to have anything long-term?

Q.   I've been dating a guy for a couple of months. We got on really well, and slept with each other after the fourth date. Since then, we meet up around once a week, either go out for dinner or to each other's houses and watch a film, stay over etc. ...

A.   15 March 2018: Why ? Elementary ,Watson. Because you save him the high costs of boarding his pet in a kennel and because I am pretty sure he did not have a queue at his door of friends and relatives clamouring for the privilege of picking up his dog's shit or ... (read in full...)

Why does a cheater cheat and then beg his gf or wife not to leave him if she finds out?

Q.   Why does a cheater cheat on a woman he loves and then if she finds out, begs her not to leave him? Why would he even commit the worst relationship sin of all if he loved her? Seemingly he did not care enough about her not to hurt her. So, if ...

A.   23 February 2018:  Because he is selfish. Because he loves himself most of all, and he care about himself most of all, and about what makes him feel good, and about getting away with having his cake and keeping it too. He knows he can have the best of both worl... (read in full...)

Married boss claimed to love me, kissed me and has now blocked me! Should I confront him?

Q.   Ok so basically me and this guy I work with who is assistant manager and is married.. used to get on so well. I used to call him my work bestie as we just clicked and always had a laugh. Over the past couple of months I feel him getting closer t...

A.   23 February 2018:  I don't think this is as mysterious as it sounds to you. I ' d say that this was quite predictable. He was all hot and bothered , as long as he thought he could finish what he had started , and get way more than just a kiss out of you, with... (read in full...)

A relationship with an attached man is making me feel so sad?

Q.   I've been seeing a man who lives with his baby mama for a year and I've fallen head over heals in love with him.He told me that he was in the process of leaving her and they are not really together but idk..He still live her a year later with no ...

A.   19 February 2018:  Ahem,.. if he us supposed to work 9 to 5 is work is not very flexible- he just stretches the time he would be allowed for lunch from, say, 30 minutes to 1 hour, or from 1 hour to 2 etc. And not just once in a blue moon but sort of regularly, i.e. ... (read in full...)

I'm afraid if I have a baby I will have to do all the housework and take care of the baby too

Q.   My husband and I are planning a baby. I’m a bit worried however that I’ve to do all the housework and take care of the baby as well. I have told my husband that we should move to The West Coast to my friend so she can be involved throughout. My ...

A.   17 February 2018:  You must be kidding, right ? Or would you really move to another city or town , where your husband cannot get a job, so that you would live on half income, ( or no income, I guess, if YOU are a homemaker... ) just because of housework ? Just ... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   17 February 2018:  OP , his family or lack of one has got nothing to do with the issue. It IS bad sharing with your sister , or with anybody else in the world as for that, facts and informations concerning a person that does NOT want to share. Sharing personal ... (read in full...)

I treated her good but she ghosted me, I still want her back.

Q.   Asking for advice,over a year ago, my ex girlfriend ghost me, no contact since, she didn't even say goodbye,I didn't do anything wrong, but treat her special,what I am asking is ,would it be stupid, in my part to try to contact her,I know every one ...

A.   16 February 2018:  I second all what Ciar says. Plus, if you are the petal rose dance guy, I want to add that I remember your story very well, and if you were truthful when you told us the story the first time... things did not go exactly like you say now , and ... (read in full...)

Do men catch feelings from having sex?

Q.   Do men catch feelings from having sex? I ask because I was talking to my best friend the other day and she said that she and the guy she is seeing, wants t stop having sex with her because he doesn't want to get too attached. she didn't understan...

A.   16 February 2018:  I think it's also a matter of how you call things, how you define them. "To catch feelings " is so and it encompasses lot of things.... While of course every single human being is different and there is no law of physics or genetics which says... (read in full...)

My husband doesn't understand how important my sister is to me.

Q.   My husband recently lost his job. I told my sister immediately. My husband is now angry at me and said I should have asked if he wants me to make it public. I told him he cannot control me and that I share everything with my sister and also that my ...

A.   16 February 2018: Pardon my bluntness but if your sister is the most important person in your life, and so important that sharing things with her comes before keeping your husbadn's trust, caring about how he feels and respecting hsi right to privacy, then maybe ... (read in full...)

What is considered cheating in an open relationship?

Q.   My wife and I agreed to be in an open relationship. We were both very into the idea for years. During sex, she haexpressed interest in a mutual male friend. Several months later I was suspecting that they were fooling around but she never mentione...

A.   12 February 2018:  I guess it depends from the rules you set in your relationship, if you did set rules. Did you have an explicit, mutually agreed upon rule that each and any encounter outside of marriage must be first , or contextually, communicated to the ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   12 February 2018:  I think yoir friend should keep it simple , and " surgical". She should not indulge in overanalyzing and doing the post-mortem of the relationship, and combing through all the hows and whys. Why ask why ?..What is the point ? The bottom line is t... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   12 February 2018:  This ( if it's worth travelling or not ) is something which is completely up to you, and we cannot help you to decide; it all depends from how deeply you care about seeing this band, and from your mindset , personality and priorities. If it w... (read in full...)

I drunk texted her while we were on a break!

Q.   Hi. So me and my girlfriend are on a break due to our age difference I’m 10 years younger than her and this scares her as she feels she’ll hold me back. Anyway. Went out on Saturday and got very drunk woke up Sunday morning to see if text her. Now ...

A.   11 February 2018:  It was a moderately bad move. Meaning, that yes, if you are on a break, and you are supposed to stay no contact, and she let you know rgar she needs some space to sort her feelings out etc.etc., then you make think that you have been sweet and cute... (read in full...)

Should I go to this concert or not?

Q.   Should I go to this concert or not?. I already have a ticket to see my favourite band for a seat for the 7th row in the front centre stalls block. Some security in some venues here let you stand at the front all the way through the concert, and some ...

A.   11 February 2018:  Maybe , although I totally love music and some specific groups/ performers , I am not as rabid a fan as you are... but I can't see why in the world you would go through all this unbelievable hassle just to skip ahead a few rows . What is it, ... (read in full...)

Am I right to feel humiliated?

Q.   Why was this cAfe server laughing at me? Ordered a coffee from a mall cafe 3 weeks earlier.. I ordered a Coffee and a small cookie,( the same order I ordered 3 weeks ago) Same server. Whilst ordering she began laughing at me saying “...

A.   22 January 2018:  I think you are overreacting and that you probably misunderstood the intent of the server's comment. There's a big difference between smiling at someone and laughing at them; your server was probably trying to give you some "service with a smil... (read in full...)

Is he using me as a means to come to Canada?

Q.   Hello I married a man from Africa and I am Canadian. We have been together for 11 months and I am trying to get him to Canada. He has been good to me but very dominant and expects I be submissive and do whatever he says to me. If I don’t he ge...

A.   21 January 2018: You bet there's a possibility ! It's almost a certainty. Yeah right. " Birthdays are a big deal in Nigeria and it is customary to celebrate them by spending $ 1000 " . Uh very believable. If you think that in Nigeria minimim wage is 90 $ mont... (read in full...)

The conversation will revolve around babies, should I suck it up and go?

Q.   I am a happily married 37 yo childfree woman. Next sunday two friends of my hubby - invited us to lunch. His pals are both married, so we’re talking about lunch with two couples. One couple has a three year old very lively boy and another has just...

A.   15 January 2018:  If he'd rather stay home with you than go to see these friends alone, then obviously he is not terribly bothered about seeing them or not, he can take them or leave them.. He HAS the option of going by himself, if he chooses to discard it that... (read in full...)

I’ve been the primary breadwinner for most of our relationship!

Q.   I have been dating my partner for 2 years now. Before getting together I expressed to him that as a single parent with big goals I need someone motivated who will pull their weight and he said that was easy. At the time he was a manager at a loca...

A.   14 January 2018:  You don't know what to do ?? No, I think you know what to do- since you also say " I have a child to raise and I need some stability out of my partner ". Exactly . That's the point. Your first duty and obligation is to your child, not to your ... (read in full...)

I want marriage and children, is he wasting my time?

Q.   So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about five years we both have crazy work schedules so I suggested that we get a place together somewhere located centrally Between both of our apartments.In my mind it’s the perfect solution so we can spend more ...

A.   14 January 2018:  Maube this is a dumb question, but... have you asked him ? Have you two talked about, if you can see yourselves having a future together ?... 5 years seems rather a long time to have to be "wondering" IF there's any common future; generally in 5 ... (read in full...)

Is this ok? It’s meant to be a nice gesture!

Q.   Is this etiquette ok? Or. It acceptable? In 6 weeks I am going interstate to see a live theater show I enjoy It has a favorite stage actress of mine in it, in a smaller but important role. She’s not the star. I’m female and I admire he...

A.   14 January 2018:  Yes, it's Ok- in fact , it's normal- most of the time performers , of both genders, get flowers from their admirers, it IS a nice gesture and an old, time- honoured tradition, why should it be sexual or creepy ?? Most probably , thou... (read in full...)

Am I an evil step mother?

Q.   I am a stepmother who will be inheriting my husband Home instead of his adult child. I want responses on whether * am the evil stepmom everyone fears. Here is my story. My husband was a widower when we married,that was 14 years ago. His daughter ...

A.   14 January 2018:  Well, of course the daughter will feel bad, what do you expect ? Maybe SHE is the evil stepdaughter, maybe she is just a normal person with reasonable expectations about her position in the family and her role in her father's life and heart (... ... (read in full...)

How can I help him with his terrible snoring?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring! My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine. Fast for...

A.   14 January 2018:  That's easy to fix. Separate rooms. I don't know why so many people seem to be seeing sleeping separately as the end of a relationship . Not true ar all. Just to name ONE example , my dad was the most terrible snorer ever, plus he used to talk and ... (read in full...)

The conversation will revolve around babies, should I suck it up and go?

Q.   I am a happily married 37 yo childfree woman. Next sunday two friends of my hubby - invited us to lunch. His pals are both married, so we’re talking about lunch with two couples. One couple has a three year old very lively boy and another has just...

A.   10 January 2018:  Why do you have to ask him to stay home ? Can't he go hang out with his friends and you stay home, or go somewhere else , occasionally ? You don't need to write these ladies off totally, or look like you are snobbing them, then again you are not ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   18 March 2016: But that's because this man's wife is a wuss! She found out.. and there were no consequences. She may have objected , but, at the end of the day, she obviously is not leaving, he is not leaving, they agreed the show must go on, and he knows he ... (read in full...)

What support and advice can I give to my friend who has been trying to break up with her married lover? He does not want to let her go.

Q.   so my best friend is involved with this married man. she is very naive and had just spent the last 3 years healing from a very bad emotional abusive relationship. she joined the military as an officer and at her first duty station, she was paired w...

A.   16 March 2016:  Isn't it rather self evident why does he do it ? He does it because it's convenient for him and it works well for him. He gets to keep his cake and eat it too, with no effort. He gets to keep his steady loving understanding wife with whom he has a ... (read in full...)

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