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*indyCares agony aunt


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Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   23 October 2014:  C'mon, OP, don't be chicken :). If it happens it happens, but maybe you can give a little push to destiny . You have the best excuse ever, you are a hockey fan so I suppose you know about the game and can speak about it competently . Take this ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   21 October 2014: No no, OP, maybe I did not express myself clearly. I did not mean that it does not sound true, or it can't be true . My point was another , the following : so this girl had a secret boyfriend. You did not know she had a bf, and the other st... (read in full...)

Should I go for it or not? He knows I found him attractive in his youth, but he's not as attractive any more.

Q.   Dear Cupid, There is a guy I have met on Facebook - who was absolutely gorgeous looking a few years ago. He wants to meet up with for a possible relationship - but the thing is - he is now middle aged and not looking half as good as in his youth...

A.   20 October 2014:  I am lazier than the anon reader :) and personally I would not bother. If you already know that he looks not even half as good as he was when you were attracted to him, that means that now you'll be less than half attracted to him than you were and ... (read in full...)

Do you think his expectations may include sex on this fun weekend he's arranged?

Q.   Hi. I'm getting a divorce and incidentally met a very old colleague from about 15 ago. He's invited me to join him in another city to watch a big football game and generally a weekend together which I accepted. He's booked the hotel, I haven't...

A.   20 October 2014:  It quite possibly might be. As the other poster suggests, make sure to check what kind of accomodation he has booked for you, and do not be shy in asking for changes if it does not suite you. It's less awkward doing it now, before you leav... (read in full...)

How should I apologize to my Bf? I spoke to him harshly about his video game playing

Q.   Hey everyone My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and we do fight occasionally. Yesterday however i accidentally blurted out "Fine go play your games that seems so precious to you" and I really didn't mean to say that. It's video ...

A.   20 October 2014:  I think HE should be apologizing to you for minding his videogames while he is supposed to talk / skype with you his Gf ! I know that someone in your age range won't see it this way , but that's the height of rude and it's not Ok ,either with... (read in full...)

How long is the average time people date before getting engaged?

Q.   How long is average for people to date before the get engaged? I am curious because one of my friends met a guy and married within a year. One of my friends got engaged after a year and married within another six months. Another got engaged three ...

A.   20 October 2014:  FWIW, I don't know about Australia but there's a recent sudy ( 2011 ) which says the average dating time in USA before official engagement is 2.8 years. Another says 2.4 years. Not a big difference. It would seem that THE moment ( if we have... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   20 October 2014:  Eh "the fire she is in ".. and the brimstone .. :). OP, let's not exaggerate. You sound like a very considerate friend and she is lucky to have you, but do not feel bad for also thinking about yourself. If you need to ask her something, then ask ... (read in full...)

Why is my SO using It's Complicated as his FB status?

Q.   I have been involved with a man for a year and a half. We stay at each other's place a lot. We are in a loving relationship. This is embarrassing to admit, because we are both in our forties, but his Facebook status bothers me. He leaves i...

A.   19 October 2014:  I think it means he does not want to officially admit he is " in a relationship ". It may be that you are and feel more committed to him than viceversa . He does not even want to say that he is single, though- it's obviously not true and peop... (read in full...)

I need to smoke weed for medicinal purposes but my boyfriend doesn't like this!

Q.   I have a problem because i fell in love with a guy who thinks weed is bad and i need to smoke because i have nervous problems and severe depression and fibromyalgia pain all over my body. and when i smoke weed i dont feel sick or nervous i can eat ...

A.   19 October 2014:  If you live in a state that allows / tolerate marijuana for medical use - easy : rather than self prescribing, get a medical prescription of marijuana for chronic pain management. Your bf may still not like that, but, if it is doctor's orders, ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   19 October 2014:  I suppose there's no harm in asking her. At least you would know where you stand, rather than hoping and wondering, and it would be easier for you to move on if your feelings are not requited. In this view, you'd better ask anyway. Frankly I am... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to the photo of his ex?

Q.   I have been with my partner for two years and his ex girlfriend has been an issue for a lot of that time. This isn't a recent ex, if it were I could maybe understand, but a woman he split up with 10 years ago, they don't have children or never ...

A.   19 October 2014:  YouWish is right . Holy guacamole, OP: he assaults you and leaves you all black and blue , and... he needs to be single ?? he needs to be in jail, OP. Please go to your hospital right away, get a medical report ( " bruises curable in X days ") a... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   19 October 2014:  Then it's rather simple. First you leave your current partner ( which may be serious , committed and all, but I can't imagine that is such a fulfilling relationship for you if you find yourself constantly longing for another man !). Then you ... (read in full...)

I don't hear from him for days -- does he like me?

Q.   I met this guy at a bar 3 weeks ago. He was wearing the shirt of a band I like and I thought he was hot, so I went over and asked for his name and phone number. He seemed shocked but gave them to me anyway, and asked for mine too. We chatted for a ...

A.   19 October 2014: I'd be surprised if he thought you are easy.. because of a peck on the cheek- it would show that his moral standards are more stringent than it's reasonable for this century:). He called you fun, gorgeous and sexy, he is corresponding with you , al... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  And if you know your worth and like yourself for who and what you are, then what's been keeping you so far from asking him if he wants to go out with you for a drink or dinner, all this years ? Why do you wonder if he'd find you interesting and ... (read in full...)

What do I do about my nitpicking fiance?

Q.   I moved in with my fiancé. I am finding out that he is a nitpicker. He tells me how to cook or what I should do with this or that recipe. He was the first one to ever complain about a recipe that I have cooked for years and years that everyon...

A.   18 October 2014:  It may just be that you aren't basically compatible, alas, but I feel the main problem is , as another poster remarks, that you are sort of joined at the hips and do not spend enough time away from ech other. With this level of proximity and ... (read in full...)

It was an awkward first kiss, but does that make me an a pathetic 24 year old loser? What can I do?

Q.   So I just got home from a sort of first date with a guy. We hung out at my house last weekend just to break the ice so I cooked lunch for us nothing major. Tonight we went out for drinks and when it was time to drop me off we were just chattin...

A.   18 October 2014:  You know what , I blame it on this texting addiction that people have got. It's like they have incontrollable verbal diarrhea, whatever passes through their mind they just have to put it out, whether it is appropriate or not, stupid or not, ... (read in full...)

Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone at University and school knows. Should I move away?

Q.   Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone in school and my university knows. OMG!!!!!!!! what can i do? should i move? i cant believe this, i cant even go out! my life sucks, hope no one other than me ever has to experience this. Every...

A.   18 October 2014:  I'd be curious to know how did you find out all of a sudden about your mother's line of work. It's a job and lifestyle with particular habits and schedules that are hard to hide. I had a friend who was in your situation, she had started having a ... (read in full...)

Do I walk away? I'm torn!

Q.   Hi everyone... I realy need objective advice, here. OK (((*deep breath*))) it's a bit of a long story... Been dating a guy for 6 months during which time I discoverred he had an alcohol problem. (Yikes) I supported him but then one night he ran away ...

A.   18 October 2014:  Of course you chose himself over him, what kind of a question is this !? He is not your fragile older parent, he is not your troubled adolescent son, he is not your lifelong davoted spouse who's just going through a rough patch- in which case... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   18 October 2014:  OP, some of the aggressiveness you complain about, to be blunt and honest... I think you were calling it upon yourself, and it could have been worse :). In your well meant , affectionate , motherly concern, you probaly do not realize how aggr... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  I think the good job, the busy social life... are just the exterior. The outside. The inside may be different, these things did not " took " and are not enough to give you the sense of validation that you crave. There are CEOs of multinationals , ... (read in full...)

Huge crush, but now she has resigned. Why!?! What the hell is wrong with me? Have I let my lunatic ego take control?

Q.   Turning 50 is not fun. My loving wife after 25 years of marriage tells me time has been kind to me and she still calls me sexy. I adore her. She is as lovely as the day I first saw her. I have always been somewhat shy. I never considered mysel...

A.   17 October 2014: Probably it's just the lowered levels of bioavalable testosterone in your blood. Andropause ,basically. Approx. 30% of andropausic males manifest symptoms like mood swings, ( despondency / euphoria cycles ), slightly obsessive ideation, pensive/ ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to think that the way he wants to share expenses and chores is unreasonable?

Q.   I am with my boyfriend a little over a year, and I moved into his appartment about a month ago., I am writing it to hear some opinions if I am mistaken on having these thoughts, but the whole situation started bothering me from the very beginnin...

A.   17 October 2014:  Maybe more than an issue of right or wrong it is an issue of compatibility. And of not having " done your homework " properly before moving in, and found out which were your mutual expectations and demands. Too bad ,because in one year there was ... (read in full...)

We love making out with each other, so do we have a unique friendship?

Q.   So i have this unique situation with my friend, but I've came to terms to it but I would like some input and some advice on how odd this situation is.. So I met this girl at a party 6 months ago and from the first moment we met in about a couple o...

A.   16 October 2014:  I can't see that your friendship is anything " unique ". It sounds to me like a garden-variety FWB. With a girl who's taken and cheating, though. The party who's going to develop feelings / attachment / a crush is the one who is going to get h... (read in full...)

My crush is asking for a threesome! Do I do it?

Q.   My crush asked me to do a threesome, he has this fantasy. he said I could choose any friend /girl/ of mine to do it and make me feel more comfortable. I am interested in having something more with Him, I'm confused. I wouldn't want to do that if it ...

A.   16 October 2014:  I think he is only using you to make his fantasy come true which is easier with your cooperation ( you are even supposed to provide the girl ). If you were already an established couple , it would be different. Personally it would not be my cup ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to be so indecisive when considering ending a relationship?

Q.   Hello all. I'm in the process of trying decide whether I can be happy in my current relationship. When I think about ending things and not being together all I can think about is how amazing he is. When I think about staying in the relation...

A.   16 October 2014:  I guess it all depends from how literally we have to take " horrible stuff ". If you mean is a figure of speech, like, he is a good guy but he has his flaws, he can be " amazing " ,loving caring romantic etc., but, being human, he also has flaw... (read in full...)

Our friendship became troubled after he got a girlfriend. What should I do from here?

Q.   More of a friendship problem. I had a really good friend, for about five years. Then he got a girlfriend (I have a long term boyfriend). Our friendship was always based on banter and being cheeky to each other. As soon as he gets a girlfriend, he ...

A.   16 October 2014: I'd let it go. A friendship based on "cheeky" banter ?... I guess it means it was flirtaceous. Some Gfs would not be ok with the banter in itself, imagine with the " cheeky " - read flirty, sexy or even just cutesy part ! Probably she nixed th... (read in full...)

I'm pregnant and the father of the child wants me to terminate. I'm confused

Q.   I need sum help.. I don't need people judging me or giving me grief. I'm 25 and 9 weeks pregnant. I have been in an on/off relationship for some time. We were together for a few years and he cheated.. so I moved out and went no contact. 6 month...

A.   16 October 2014:  I think that part of your confusion stems from trying to fit in somehow your waste of space of a boyfriend into the equation : how will he actually react if you do have the baby, what would he really want if he wasn't wax in his mother's hands, ... (read in full...)

I want to end our 3 year long LDR and get married but unsure If we should marry or end things?

Q.   Hi, ive been with my long distance girlfriend for almost 3 years now and i think is time to close the distance. Its time to pop the question. However... We live in continents apart and we are citizens of diferent countries.we have a 13 years ag...

A.   16 October 2014:  Well, from the point of view of logic - not that of feelings- it's not like you have lots of options. The possible course of action is one: - she does not want to marry you, so she is not going to marry you , now or anytime soon - she does not... (read in full...)

We've broken up but my ex still supports me financially

Q.   I am going through break up. It will be two weeks on Sat. Despite everything he and I have gone through, and the wrong I feel he does, I still very much care for him and would like it to work. We would have a lot to work on. He was complete...

A.   16 October 2014:  I don't think it necessarily means that he is wanting to get back together with you . I think it means : a ) that he's got money to burn, lucky him :)- what to another guy may seem something worth discussing about or fighting for, for him is just ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   15 October 2014:  I am too for : tell your extended family to back off and mind their own business. ! Her life ,her choices. She is an adult, and if she is happy, and her partner is happy- that's all it counts. There is no ONE right way for everybody to live ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend treats me like one of his kids!

Q.   (Mod note: please explain why you don't have a job or why you are not actively seeking employment as that is the first thing the aunts will ask you.) "I am a carer of 35hrs a weeks lookin after my son with the autism " My boyfriend treats like ...

A.   15 October 2014: Your post is rather confusing, and I would not want to sound harsh and uncompassionate, but I guess it will have to sound this way until at least you have cleared a bit some of the confusing points. - You are on jsa , but that's only for peop... (read in full...)

Was I wrong for asking for time and attention?

Q.   I was in long distance relationship. Never met him. Initially he took out time for talking. But then he started to work for around 16 hours. I understood his commitment for work. But he even stopped messaging. If I asked him something he replied ...

A.   15 October 2014:  No. It was a misunderstanding, basically. You thought you had a relationship, when all you had was a guy using you for phone sex. As at some point you have realized yourself. If it had been a relationship 1 ) he would not have made you chas... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting about my boyfriend's comment?

Q.   My boyfriend said something last night that has left me feeling insecure this morning so I would like other opinions on whether I'm overreacting and just take it as him being honest. We were talking last night about opposite sexes/physical ...

A.   15 October 2014:  First of all , my complimemts to your bf for his excellent taste, from a wavy haired red head ,lol. Second, yeah you are over-reacting. He was just talking about this and that, shooting the breeze. In general. I am sure he did not mean that he ... (read in full...)

How do I break up with this liar I love?

Q.   Dear Cupid, I've met this guy ten months ago. He seemed like a decent individual. We took our time to get to know one another. We've been intimate approximately 6 times throughout the 10 months of dating. I've always been skeptical about ...

A.   15 October 2014:  Pardon me, but you are so torn between what and what ?... I don't see that you have much of a choice, unless you are a masochist who loves being ridiculed, humiliated and made a fool of. The guy is married with children, and he did not even had... (read in full...)

He's amazing but he does drugs. Am I being too fussy by finding it a deal breaker?

Q.   I recently met a 30-year-old guy whom I hit it off really well with - he flirts with me heavily all the time and he is clearly a very kind person (he stopped to give an old lady change for the bus the other day because she couldn't find her purse - ...

A.   15 October 2014:  Yours is a strange question, insofar first you say " drugs are a deal breaker for me " then in the same breath you ask " am I too fussy ?" So,... how do yor dealbreakers work ? By popular consent ? They are only dealbreakers as long as you get ... (read in full...)

I'm very hurt by this comment he made! What does he mean? Is this a brush-off?

Q.   I met my online friend last week which was amazing after being friends for a year. We hit it off and ther was a real connection both of us very attracted to the other. He has messaged me everyday since and we both miss each other so much already....

A.   15 October 2014:  No, it's not a brush off. You were not answering fast enough for his tastes and he is saying : Ouch, I hope I do not get to like you even more that I already do , because as of now it already HURTS me a lot when you don't pay me attention fast... (read in full...)

I haven't met my LD boyfriend yet but I'm not sure if I should!

Q.   Hello! My LD boyfriend wants me to visit him but I don't know if I should and to even have the guts to tell my family about what he's planning? When he was in the same state as I am currently in now, he had plenty of chances to meet me, sometime...

A.   14 October 2014:  Ok, so you have seen him on Skype. And ?... When he lived in your state , he had plenty of chances to visit you... but he never did. In fact, he even promised to come and see you, but he broke his promise . More than once. He does not soun... (read in full...)

Do I Tell my boyfriend he might not be the dad?

Q.   Ok so ive been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. I love him so much, he treats me like im the only girl in the world and doesnt care that i have a baby from a past relationship, he loves my little boy just as much as me. But 8 months b...

A.   14 October 2014: I don't see that you have any other choice BUT telling your bf, OP. Regardless of moral obligations, which do exist - but anyway, you played your cards very clumsily. If you wanted your bf to never know and forever think of this baby as his ( wh... (read in full...)

Was it the drink or is he really a snob?

Q.   Hi, I'm a bit confused by some actions of my boyfriend, we were visiting his family on the weekend, we all had a nice dinner a few drinks, and then went upto bed. We were having chit chat before sleep, and he said something like all Londoners ar...

A.   13 October 2014:  I don't know if you will like my answer :), but, FWIW : read a great book called " Watching the English " by social anthropologist Kate Fox. It's serious research, but also wickedly funny. And it fully confimed my impression, as a ( frequent... (read in full...)

I've lost my sex drive and I'm starting to resent him

Q.   My sex drive has completely disappeared but my boyfriend still initiates sex every time I see him. I usually end up having sex (or at least using my mouth or hands) because I feel so awful for not wanting to, but I'm really starting to resent it. I ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Janniepeg says clearly that hers is a personal choice that works well for her and may not work as well for everybody, so I do not dispute her choice. But, it's incorrect ro affirm that having sex before being ready poses no health risks. In f... (read in full...)

How do I tell him I'm pregnant?

Q.   Hi everyone, I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and now I've found out I'm pregnant. I'm only 20 and this was not planned at all. We've talked about marriage in the future and having children eventually but we didn't want it t...

A.   13 October 2014:  First thing, you need to tell him right away if nothing else out of fairness. This baby is growing inside your belly, yet it's a joint " property "- it's half his, and he has the right to know about it asap. If you delay the news in the misguided ... (read in full...)

I can't get over my girlfriend not being a virgin!

Q.   Hi, I have a serious problem that I don't know how to adress. Me and my girlfriend have known each other since we were in our teens. It's been about 8 years now that we've been friends. We've always gotten along great, been best friends and fel...

A.   13 October 2014:  Very harsh ?... the OP of course can have all the morals and values that she wants, and can also bring her morals and vaues wherever they will be shared , understood and appreciated. Instead the OP chooses to stay with a person who has diff... (read in full...)

If we did get together I'd be paranoid that he'd cheat on me the way he cheated with me

Q.   Over the last few months I've been speaking to someone I used to work with and we've been out a few times. He has a girlfriend so we've always made a point of saying we are only friends. Then when we were out with a group of mutual friends we ended ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Your fears are well founded , unlyckily. Maybe it's not : once a cheater always a cheater.. but " once a cheater OFTEN a cheater " , yes. You are at more than average risk of being cheated on. Then again, perhaps you don't exactly have to worr... (read in full...)

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