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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [253 pages, 10094 answers]

A fight, zero contact for 3 weeks. He should apologize, not me. What should I do?

Q.   I left my BF 3 weeks ago after a fight. There's been zero contact since I left. I haven't contacted him and he hasn't contacted me. Yes, I'm the one who left, however he was the one who was in the wrong and should apologize. I'm not sure how to ...

A.   4 September 2017:  You should take this silence as pretty normal ; YOU left him, signaling that your relationship was over , therefore any need for communication totally optional and quite possibly superfluous and undesirable for either party or both. No surp... (read in full...)

Boy likes girl but girl does drugs and isn't over her ex

Q.   To quote "arrested development" ..."I've made a huge mistake" Sooo I'm going to give you the cliff notes version of the last couple months. Boy meets girl. They start sleeping with each other. Boy likes girl way more than he should and falls head ...

A.   3 September 2017:  The long and the short of this is that : girl is a cokehead. Boy is not. Never the twain shall meet. It's two different worlds which do not mesh , and you should not strive to make them mesh. So , it should not even take the 20 minutes you are ... (read in full...)

We're on an experimental break for two weeks given the LDR and my gf seems fine but I'm miserable and paranoid that I'm going to lose her

Q.   Sorry for asking again so soon, I just have nobody to talk to anymore and my problems are bothering me a bit. My life's in a focal point right now and I need blunt non friend and family advice.Thanks. Long story short my Girlfriend for over 1 and a ...

A.   3 September 2017:  Your GF had a stupid idea. What's a two weeks break supposed to accomplish ? To see if you are going to miss each other ? well, of course you are going to miss each other, if you liked each other enough before the break ! No big revelation here . ... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't want sex as often as I do

Q.   What do i do? I am a married man in my late fifties, who has a very healthy normal sex wife, who i love, is healthy and the same age as me can go more a week without showing ANY inte...

A.   3 September 2017: If your wife is in your age range she is peri-menopausal, or post-menopausal, so you have your " why " in spades. Hormonal changes, and the physical and psychological discomfort they cause, varies widely and affect some women much more, and ... (read in full...)

I told him 10pm was too late for dinner and now he won't speak to me

Q.   Dear Cupid; I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he ...

A.   3 September 2017: Who eats dinner at 10 ?... Oh plenty of people , as for that :) In Spain, Italy, South of France,for instance ,10 p.m. is still seen as a reasonable time to have dinner, particularly eating out at restaurants, and in the summer period. But even... (read in full...)

If I was doing something really annoying or inappropriate, would she have made it more obvious?

Q.   I apologise if I have posted this one already as I tried a couple of forums to get a little advice as I'm a bit shy to ask my friends. So me and a female friend have started having sex. We talked about it long and hard before trying it for the firs...

A.   1 September 2017: First, let me say how I am always half amused, half amazed by all the " rules " that you young people seem to have about FWB. It's like there's a rigid sexual etiquette code, going by which you can do only do certain things with a regular ... (read in full...)

Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?

Q.   Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...

A.   1 September 2017:  Female reader anonymous of Sept.1st ) Oh I don't mean that been outed in front of his family for his indiscretions would not serve the old billygoat just right. Actions have consequences, negative actions have negative consequences, and he knows ... (read in full...)

Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?

Q.   Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...

A.   31 August 2017:  Double wow. I am like Honeypie, I don't get it. It makes no sense. Wait- I do get infatuation, I get being in love, I get sexual obsession, I get emotional addiction ,and all that. But: you can't get a regular job because you have to be a... (read in full...)

Is it ladylike to show cleavage?

Q.   Do you think its ladylike to show cleavage?!? i have never showed my cleavage. Do u thinks its fine to show cleavage? ...

A.   31 August 2017:  It can be. It depends. From many variables: the occasion, the place , the dress, your attitude, your physique, and how much exactly you show. Just yesterday I saw on TV a documentary about Lady Diana 's life and it showed her also wear... (read in full...)

Tempted not to take part in an activity because HE will be there!

Q.   My love interest and I have known each for years through a walking group but we have never dated due to a communication breakdown. Recently we have started to become closed again. It could possible go somewhere but he is a cautious as the last few ...

A.   31 August 2017:  There's surely something in what WiseOwlE says but as for me I think it may be even simpler : - have you ever thought that perhaps these unassertive men are in fact assertive enough - with the women they really like ? Someone who is shy, ... (read in full...)

Why does my married lover not admit how he feels about me? And keeps changing his words?

Q.   Can anyone here help me to make sense of my married lover's words? Why did he tell me he loves me? Then the next time he says he likes me. Then he says he likes me a lot. Then the next time he says he adores me. And the next time after that, it's...

A.   31 August 2017:  He tells you different things , because he is married. And when one wants to eat his cake and keep it too, i.e. when he wants to maintain the status quo of having a spouse and also another woman on the side , he can't afford to tell it as it ... (read in full...)

Why are people so impersonal? My friends don't care

Q.   Is it ok to only see friends every 2-12 months? Have only 5 "friends" who are well liked in their job, busy,work, (I work too!!) one is married with kids, they all have better friends, family neaby, and a good life so only have time for coffee o...

A.   31 August 2017:  Maybe it's time to make new friends ... If you see these people a couple of times a year, and in a rather impersonal atmosphere, personally, I would file them under acquaintances, not friends- and I would adjust my expectations acco... (read in full...)

Tempted not to take part in an activity because HE will be there!

Q.   My love interest and I have known each for years through a walking group but we have never dated due to a communication breakdown. Recently we have started to become closed again. It could possible go somewhere but he is a cautious as the last few ...

A.   29 August 2017:  Haven't you answered your question yourself ? " I want to go regardless as I enjoy walking even if he is there or not ". Then go. You belong to the same walking group, so ,I suppose ,a group that was founded in the intent that its members ... (read in full...)

I had a crush on her but didn't want to be her boyfriend, I want to be her bestie!

Q.   hi,the thing is that i had crush on a girl. we both are in the same school. i saw her in the school corridor before the vacations. she was the bestie of my friend's gf. i contacted my friend's gf and got my crush's number. i contacted her and we ...

A.   29 August 2017:  You told her you have a crush on her and this may have confused her or given mixed signals. A crush means that you like her romantically, not simply as a friend- that you are attracted to her as MORE than a regular friend. As a matter of fact... (read in full...)

My LDR says we are just prolonging the inevitable end.

Q.   I have been in an LDR for 8 years, and in that 8 years, we have only been physically together for a total time of 3 months on 4 occasions. The rest of the time has been spent talking almost daily on video skype and various chat apps. In recent...

A.   29 August 2017:  Unluckily , he is right. How do you presume to make this thing work, if he refuses to leave his country and you refuse to join him there ? You may have excellent reasons for not moving there ( lack of work you could do is a very good reas... (read in full...)

I want my LDR boyfriend to tell his parents about me before we go any further.

Q.   So I'm in this DLR with a guy I've known about 7 months. When he was last up, things got heated and we both pleased each other using our hands which was fine. I'm a virgin and he knows this. He also knows he's the first guy I've really done anyt...

A.   29 August 2017:  I think I remember that you posted before about this and that you have already been told that no, you are not silly in not wanting to be kept a secret. In fact, if any, you are being silly in disregarding this obvious red flag. Why shou... (read in full...)

Break-up, Make-Up Cycle and After a Loving Weekend, He Hasn't Called. Why?

Q.   I recently left my boyfriend two weeks ago, and now we aren't talking. My purpose in leaving wasn't necessarily to break up,but because I wasn't going to tolerate the verbal and emotional abuse. He can be extremely controlling and gonon tirades. ...

A.   29 August 2017:  You should thank your lucky star ! that, albeit involuntarily, you got rid of an abusive relationship. This guy sounds unhinged and , rather than musing over the why of his threatening and berating you, it's more practical and intelligent if you ... (read in full...)

It seems women lose interest in sex after a while ...

Q.   Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it....

A.   29 August 2017: Anon male reader : ..and some times you just need food, right ? because you are hungry. You just need to fill your stomach, with no distraction, no conversation, no social niceties... You just need to stop the unpleasant stimulus of hunger. Reas... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says my friends took advantage of me.

Q.   Hello Everyone! Just wanted some insight on this situation. Last night, my boyfriend and I had friends over (my friend and his girlfriend) to watch the Game of Thrones season finale. I cooked a lot more than my boyfriend thought I should have but ...

A.   28 August 2017:  I can't see what your bf is bitching about, but maybe I'm biased . Cultural divide. In my country, when you host, you host. Guests are not expected, or encouraged , to lift a finger. They °might° venture a " Shall we give you a hand... ? " ( if ... (read in full...)

Is it ever ok for your boyfriend to insinuate that you're fat? Feeling hurt and ashamed, how do I react?

Q.   Hey guys :-) I was just hoping for some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I think of myself as a really good girlfriend to him. When we first got together we were both in very good shape. However over the years we've both put w...

A.   28 August 2017:  Necessary disclaimer : I believe that beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. I think that a woman can be sexy and attractive , in her own eyes and in the eyes of men, regardless of her dress size. You don't need to be rail thin to look good- I mean, ... (read in full...)

I need space after an argument, but will it make things worse?

Q.   Is it okay to turn off your phone after having an argument with your boyfriend? I feel like I need some space but at the same time I'm worried it will make the argument worse. ...

A.   28 August 2017:  You don't need to turn your phone off, which is actually quite passive aggressive. You could communicate like reasonable adults ( at least, it's worth a try ! :) and if he calls, you could answer and tell him : " Look, I need some space right ... (read in full...)

I want my boyfriend to be more tactile!

Q.   I am just back from a lovely weekend with my bf of 45 of one year. Things have been strained as he has joint custody of two pre-teen children and he works away twice a week plus there is 50 miles between us. There is no drama with his ex or ...

A.   26 August 2017:  And what would you like to do, tactilizing him at 45 years of age ? Btw, I must say that I really don't see a lot of PDA and handholders in his age range, but maybe I am wrong or did not pay enough attention. Nevertheless, if he is a good man ... (read in full...)

Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?

Q.   My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...

A.   26 August 2017:  Sigh... it's not the money, it's the attitude. You do not dump people because they do not have 20 £, of course- you dump them because they have the wrong attitude and the wrong ethics. This is a small loan, and I am sure the OP will be fine ev... (read in full...)

I'm shocked at being ghosted by him! How did you get over a situation like this? Advice?

Q.   Hello everyone After 3.5 years of a LTR, my ex dumped me over the phone because he said it would be easier and that his mind was made up. He said he didn't want to see me upset or risk going back on his decision. The only thing he kept saying w...

A.   26 August 2017:  Ok, I am going to take some flak here, but to be honest , I think what he is doing is normal , reasonable and smart. He could have been less brutal in breaking up, but, brutal or diplomatic, merciless or sensitive, being dumped hurts anyway, and... (read in full...)

Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?

Q.   My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...

A.   25 August 2017:  Tell him that he can be as laid back as he wants with his OWN money, not with other people's ! And he may not have been aware that the money was to be given back "with urgency", but hopefully he is aware of the words which come out of his mout... (read in full...)

My ex is contacting me again, what should I do?

Q.   My ex and I had a messy break up. I got drunk, was upset and got into some trouble and ended up in hospital. I called my ex and left a message to say I was in hospital. She never came and I never heard from her. I ended up needing surgery. Year...

A.   25 August 2017:  I agree with N91 on both counts : - that she did not owe you assistence, or even a visit. You were broken up, and that entitles the broken ip people to also terminate any social contact or social niceries, if so they wish. Sure, it would have been... (read in full...)

I've been engaged forever but not married. Why?

Q.   I’m in a 3 and a half years relationship with my now fiancé, who I met when he was stationed in the same country where I was working. We have been through many ups and downs in our relationship but we seem to be more stable now than we used to. His ...

A.   25 August 2017:  The post title is misleading- you are not engaged. Engaged is when you have a plan and a time set for getting married; I don't mean a specific date " June 12th, 2019 "- but at least, " as soon as I graduate " or " as soon as we have the down ... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask to want a virgin partner?

Q.   I am 25 and a virgin guy. Is it too much to ask for a virgin partner? I mean i have no disrespect for those who aint and i believe that every person has a choice. PLEASE HELP! ...

A.   24 August 2017:  No, it's not too much to ask for a virgin wife - in your culture and society. Everything is relative, and expectations should not be absolute, but consistent with what's going on in a particular location, time, and society. Your request woul... (read in full...)

Should I remind my boyfriend about the money he owes me?

Q.   My boyfriend is not working at the moment but is trying hard to get a job. Last week I lent him £20 and asked him when he would give it me back, he said the next time he saw me. I've seen him twice now and no mention of the money. Should I ask for ...

A.   24 August 2017:  Yes, ask him. You may think it's petty, since the amount is so modest, and since ,if he is still not working, most probably he still can't pay you back. I suppose you do noy want to embarass him.. pointlessly , since you are not getting your money ... (read in full...)

Am I being unreasonable in supporting my husband financially?

Q.   Am I being unreasonable in that my husband is from a different country and I help him out financially. I plan to go back to his country shortly teaching English and we are due to meet in Turkey beforehand to have a holiday. He wants us to be i...

A.   24 August 2017:  You are being unreasonable in leaving your job to go teach English in a foreign, Muslim country, burdened with the responsibility of supporting an unemployed, destitute , demanding , ungrateful husband ! But- that was not your questiin, OK- so , ... (read in full...)

Should I avoid family connections when applying for a post?

Q.   hi. im 26, female. done postgrad. I never wanted to get reference/recommendation for any job. because I want a job on my own caliber. but my mother did it (SHE RECOMMENDED MY NAME) last year without asking me to her long lost brother in law who is ...

A.   24 August 2017:  Yes, you are. You can't spend your life monitoring what your relatives , or any other people, think, and you shoild not even try. You can't make decisions for your life and future just based on what people MIGHT think. What about your future ... (read in full...)

Why won't he Marry me?

Q.   Hi, I have been with my partner 6 years next month. I never wanted to get married, was never something that was important to me. Until I was in love. We have been together 6 years and have agreed to start trying for a baby next year after my friends ...

A.   23 August 2017:  I think that CMMP is right; if your bf is around your age ir just slightly older , most probabaly he will feel that he is too Young to get married, and that marriafe is one of those nice but farawat things that grown up people do , but " one day". ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is asking for more than I can afford.

Q.   Dear Aunts, I have been visiting my boyfriend for a week now so today im leaving ive decided to take him out for lunch. He just told me that it would be better if i buy him grocery. Im a student I don't have that kind of money. All i wanted was to ...

A.   23 August 2017:  I think we need a bit of context here. Like, where all this is going on, and how much food does he want you to buy him . Enough for a couple of meals ? for a week ? For a month ?! You see, I am a little perplexed because, at least in the coun... (read in full...)

A co-worker made an unkind remark that really hurt me. How do I cope?

Q.   I'm feeling very hurt today. At my previous job (as well as life in general) you could say that I'M not the most organized person (not filthy, but more of an issue of putting things back where they belong, avoiding clutter and procrastination,etc. ...

A.   23 August 2017:  Much would depend from the context. If this person said it with a smile or a wink or anything suggesting that he/ she was laughing WITH you, not at you - loosen up. Banter and jokes and a bit of ribbing are rather common in workplaces, in fact... (read in full...)

Is it common for a man to steal and wear his partner's panties?

Q.   Ok I was with my long distance lover three Months ago.He told Me over the phone that he stole a pair of my Panties ...did I realize they were missing? No... he said When He put them On he got hard... said he liked that the Panties were ...

A.   22 August 2017:  No, common is not common, -in the sense that it does not happen that often, it is not very usual. Then again, neither it is a big deal, as fetishes go it's pretty tame- there are much weirder ones around. If this is brand of kinky, it sounds ... (read in full...)

I'm ready to leave, but how do I take my dignity with me?

Q.   Ive been seeing a 34 year old guy for two full months now. He treats me well, takes me out to nice places well until i saw him texting other girls on social me. I caught him once flirting with girls the one time we went shopping together. I told him ...

A.   22 August 2017:  I don't see what dignity has got to do with your predicament. He is a flirt- you want somebody serious, committed and only focused on you. You told him to stop- he did not stop. You used to like him, but now you secretly hate him. Why c... (read in full...)

He says the sex is better with me but he still keeps his girlfriend. Do I wait around or end things?

Q.   Back in January I met this guy on Tinder. We started off talking every single day just clicking really well and having great conversations. After we met one or two times we had a conversation and he said that he wasn't looking for a relationship and ...

A.   21 August 2017:  You have doubts about what to do, because you start from a wrong premise- that if he should break up with his gf, he'd want to date you. He would not. He wants FWB with you , that's all. When he was single he did not want to date you, because ... (read in full...)

She's boring and bland and I need to cut her loose but how do I let her down without hurting her feelings?

Q.   Hello everyone, I've recently been speaking to a girl that I got speaking to through social media. I just randomly messaged her one day and things took off and we've now been speaking for roughly two months. We went on a date after about 10 d...

A.   21 August 2017:  I agree that if there's no spark, there's no spark and the best thing to do for both of you now is cutting ties without further ado. She will be hurt , since she likes you more than you like her- but you can't make an omelette without breaking the ... (read in full...)

How can I manage my wedding envy?

Q.   First let me tell you that I know how utterly ridiculous I sound, but here's the story. I am 29 and have been with my partner for 9 years and we are engaged. We have travelled together and have good jobs. We were going to get married this year bu...

A.   19 August 2017:  OK, I'll be a total bitch and I will spell out what I suspect you feel , deep down, and it's nagging at you : after 9 years of a " strong " relationship, sure there's no reason to rush, it's not a race ... then again there's also no reason to d... (read in full...)

Family problems blighting my future with him

Q.   Me and my fiancé have been together for over 2 years now. During his past relationship with his ex' this women had already had a child by someone else. This child was very little when they started dating. During the time they were together he got ...

A.   19 August 2017:  But the other kid IS a part of the family, insofar he is the halfbrother of your bf's daughter ! Your bf got himself a daughter who had an older brother, and your ( future ) MIL a grandchild who had an older brother. If the two kids live together ... (read in full...)

Am I too sensitive or he just rude?

Q.   Would you be upset at your BF for ignoring a "Thinking of you" text you sent to him? I can see he opened it but he didn't respond. About an hour later, I saw he was on Facebook for 45 min til 11 p.m. While he was on FB I sent him a heart on ...

A.   19 August 2017:  Yes , you should leave him. You'd both be happier. If in 4 years you haven't managed to turn him from what he is into the affectionate, effusive, lovey dovey type that you want- it's time to give up, - 4 years is a long time, you must be able to ... (read in full...)

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