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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [222 pages, 8832 answers]

Tired of being Mr Nice Guy. How do I find women who will treat me as well as I treat them?

Q.   Well,in the last two months, to failed relationships, so girls, would you rather be ghost, or cheated on, at least cheated on, you know why, it ended, so at fifty nine, do I change, stop being romantic, no more opening car doors, helping putting on ...

A.   28 January 2016:  OK, so let's recap : you are doing all the right moves, there's nothing in your demeanour / attitude / habits/courting strategy that could/should be modified or improved. You are a flawless, all around nice guy that can't ever do wrong, a... (read in full...)

Tired of being Mr Nice Guy. How do I find women who will treat me as well as I treat them?

Q.   Well,in the last two months, to failed relationships, so girls, would you rather be ghost, or cheated on, at least cheated on, you know why, it ended, so at fifty nine, do I change, stop being romantic, no more opening car doors, helping putting on ...

A.   26 January 2016:  If you keep doing the same things you'll get the same results. And if you keep asking the same questions, you'll get the same answers :). You have asked this before, not long ago, and more or less the consensus was : yeah, tune it down. You are ... (read in full...)

Does my independence turn him off? I'm not chasing him!

Q.   Cutting long story very short, I met up with my first love last summer. We had a few dates. Its like no time had past although it has been about 14 years since I last saw him. We got on so well. Eventually we became intimate. Happened twice. ...

A.   26 January 2016:  You are doing fine. Keep so not chasing him. By now you know is M.O. He comes close for a while and then he backs off. How are you not going to let it happen again, other than by giving him a wide berth - if and when he resurfaces ? He has n... (read in full...)

He lied to me..he was cheating on his wife with me. Do I tell her?

Q.   Dear Cupid I was dating a guy for a month, I was not attracted to him physically but sounded a nice decent person with a great job and everything. I asked him so many times whether he is single and he said he is and he never married since he...

A.   26 January 2016:  I'd let it go. You got played and you are understandably furious, but , as you say, probably you would not accomplish anything. You have no evidence whatsoever and it would be very easy for this guy to convince his wife that you are some delu... (read in full...)

Do people have bad days to the extent that they can't even talk?

Q.   I seem to have had this reoccurring incident happening with me. I'm in teaching, and after a long day at work, my brain literally turns to "mush" and end up giving word salad to whoever tries to small talk me. When I look back at what I replied, I ...

A.   26 January 2016:  Thank you for your kind words, ... but I have to scold you anyway :). Ronda, really, you've got to stop it. I get that you are stressed out but if your stress level is becoming unmanageable , and making you hyper-reactive and paranoid, it's... (read in full...)

He loves using the internet. Am I wrong to distrust him when he wants to stay up late while I sleep?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating and living together over 3 Years, we have had a lot of problems but seem to hang on... I have troubles with trust because he is a internet addict, talks to other women in a way he should not and also has been on ...

A.   26 January 2016:  Are you wrong, in which sense ?... do you want to know how possible or probable is that he goes trolling the net for womeen as soon as you turn your back ?... Sure, it's possible. Probable, in fact - quite probable, since you say he has an Inte... (read in full...)

Is it normal for a person to have crushes on other people while in a relationship and do nothing about it in the sense that they don't act on it

Q.   Hello, I've been classmates with this girl for around three years now in college, and she intrigues me quite a bit. Let me explain: during our first year she seemed to be a rather shy and socially awkward person. Cute, but very weird. She was ...

A.   26 January 2016:  Oh but you DID cross boundaries. Both of you. Why, do you think it's normal / fine for a partnered girl to have talks till 5 a.m. with a " friend " ? ( No you don't - you say that yourself : ) Would she stay up all night for having talks with a ... (read in full...)

The widower I am dating removed his daughter in law's jeans and put pajamas on her because she was drunk. Was this inappropriate?

Q.   I don't know if the following question has ever been presented in this forum before. I'm starting a relationship with another widower and heard this perplexing event from him. Many of us are snowed in this weekend with members of our families not ...

A.   25 January 2016:  Inappropriate ? personally I find it totally creepy. I don't get why he had to undress his drunk DIL to put her in her P.J. bottoms, couldn't he simply leave her to sleep her wine off with her jeans on ?... But OK, suppose that he went auth... (read in full...)

Do people have bad days to the extent that they can't even talk?

Q.   I seem to have had this reoccurring incident happening with me. I'm in teaching, and after a long day at work, my brain literally turns to "mush" and end up giving word salad to whoever tries to small talk me. When I look back at what I replied, I ...

A.   25 January 2016: Hi Ronda, me again :) Why don't you go see your doctor and tell him your concerns ? Just to be on the safe side ?.. There are bad news and good news. The bad news is that no, frankly I have never met or heard of anybody getting so tired fro... (read in full...)

How can my parents call truce when around me, then restart their fighting as soon as they depart?

Q.   So, I suffered a hairline ankle fracture. I called my momma. She makes the 4 hour drive down to my campus. She picks up my dad. They are divorced. I hear them arguing outside my door. But then, they stop instantly when I finally get to the door. My ...

A.   23 January 2016:  How could they not, I'd say. You sound surprised and I don't quite get it. Would you have preferred that they had not stopped arguing and had continued chewing out each other in front of you, forgetting the task at hand, which was to see how you ... (read in full...)

I broke up with boyfriend because he still doesn't want to marry for several years

Q.   Tonight,I broke up with my bf of 1 year. It's been a lovely year,ups and downs of course. We love and care about each other,But tonight I expressed to him that I wish to get married soon as my parents are traditional; we are 8 years apart,he is 20 ...

A.   23 January 2016:  I guess you made the right choice ; actually, it was sort of an obliged choice. Romance is not enough to keep two people together , they also must have compatible goals in life. If for you it is important to be married, and not too late too,- ... (read in full...)

Should I break confidentiality to protect a relative?

Q.   This is sort of an ethical dilemma. I volunteered at a transitional home for women most of whom were recovering drug addicts who had child service cases. One lady there, who I will call Shelly, opened up about her story and how she grew up in a ...

A.   23 January 2016:  If you are bound to confidentiality, you are bound to confidentialy in any case ( unless if given by your higher- ups explicit permission to disclose informations, and also told which specific informations can be given to whom ). In ANY ... (read in full...)

How can a man cut feelings out of his friendships?

Q.   I have lost guy friends due to them having feelings for me and so when one of my married guy friends started to get distant, I asked him if it was because he was getting feelings. He said, "I dont really have feelings. I've cut feelings out of t...

A.   23 January 2016:  Maybe he started getting distant because he noticed or guessed that YOU have romantic feelings for him ? I think both his getting distant and his words simply mean : " I am married . Don't get any ideas. Let's not even get there . This is not ... (read in full...)

I gave my crush my phone number, he never called but gets jealous??

Q.   why would he act this way....i gave my crush my number figuring he wasnt flirting with me for nothing nor asking me what am i going to cook for him, well he didnt call and almost two weeks go by so i went to the store yesterday and he was there, and ...

A.   23 January 2016:  Oh, so is this Mr Fluffy ? Well, do not discount the possibility that he already has his Fluffette ( short guys have their admirers too, as you should know ) and he is only flirting to kill time at work , or because he is a flirty nature. He gets... (read in full...)

Did how I act merit her emotional outburst?

Q.   Hey guys. I posted on here a few days ago and got some really good responses. I'd like to maybe get a new perspective after these past few days because now I feel a bit crazy. I had a regular friends with benefits and I thought things were goin...

A.   23 January 2016: Maybe it's just me . Ok, probably it is me . I don't come from a typical " drinking " culture , and in my country people do drink, but following a quite different set of " rules " , habits and customs. So, hard as I try, I can't get how peop... (read in full...)

Could the teacher have us arrested because we kissed?

Q.   A teacher caught me and my friend kissing at school. It wasnt the first time we kissed, we have known each other since we were little. We started kissing early last year but we always did it at each others home in our rooms. The teacher gave us such ...

A.   23 January 2016:  In theory, yes. Public displays of affection would only be a criminal offence under the Public Order Act if the conduct was likely to cause harassment, alarm or distress . So, if the kissing leads to fondling and gets somewhat out of hand , a coup... (read in full...)

My best friend's girlfriend becomes estranged from our friendship out of jealously/self-esteem issues... how can I help?

Q.   Hi - I'm in a bit of a confusing situation right now. I'm very close friends with two people - Jack and Jill - who have been together for over five years. I've known (and have worked with) Jack for nearly four years, and have known Jill for nearly ...

A.   22 January 2016:  I agree with the others . I think that either you are naive...or you are playing dumb. Do you really not see how planning a fun shared hobby, with regular , time consuming sessions ( I suppose, going by my own oil painting classes - pain... (read in full...)

Retroactive jealousy, the missing tip

Q.   If you are reading this you know there's a lot of stuff in the net about Retroactive Jealousy. As someone who's gone through that decades ago I've read a hundreds of articles and discussion about it myself. There is a lot of misguided advice, and ...

A.   22 January 2016: Absolutely unethical. Morally despicable. The triumph of a coward, self serving, over inflated ego which feels it is preferable to treat people just as means to a petty selfish end , rather than doing some serious , decent attempt at personal ... (read in full...)

Second thoughts on my long distance love

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a LDR for 2 years now. We see each other every month or so. When I first dated him, I knew that our lifestyles and careers were quite different. I work for a well known tech' company as an operations manager. I make ...

A.   22 January 2016:  Who cares if he does not work ( by choice ) ?! Who cares if he sleeps all day ?!.... EVERYBODY ! Everybody would care, if they have even an ounce of interest in their own future and happiness ! Who could possibly not care if they only stopped and ... (read in full...)

Is there any way to delay my period from starting so I can have sex?

Q.   Hi I'm looking for a little bit of help, I'm going to my boyfriends house tomorrow and we were planning on having sex for the first time, we are both totally comfortable with this but my only issue is that I'm due to have my period this week but it ...

A.   22 January 2016: Gee, OP, where's the fire ? Why the rush ? Why making things complicated and interfering with your body chemistry- when all you've got to do is to delay your first time for just a few days ? Yes, menstrual cycles can be delayed - under medical ... (read in full...)

Has anyone ever had an experience that felt like they met their soulmate?

Q.   I know that it is scientifically impossible to state that there is a such thing as destiny, but it would be the same bias to say that merely freewill exists as well. I'm wondering if anyone here has ever falling in love with a person beyond the ...

A.   21 January 2016:  Sorry, I am sure that this is not what you want to hear , but no, I am very skeptical about this soul mate thing. I am not skeptical about soul mates in general ; I am skeptical that this guy is your soul mate and viceversa. What, you two are ... (read in full...)

Do I let my ex know I'm angry about how he ghosted on me?

Q.   my ex and i were on and off for years about 3 weeks ago he ghosted on me, after months of closeness, sleeping together, weekend visits, basically acting like a couple without the title. it felt like we were really close again. until he went silent r...

A.   21 January 2016:  No no, let it go. Totally. Look, if this guy ghosted on you, obviously he did not care about you / respect you enough to think about your feelings, sitting you down and explaining you nicely, " I am sorry, we had some great times, but... " or w... (read in full...)

Do I need to be friendlier at work

Q.   So I got this job at this school, we are all teachers. I come from a mixed background, not 100% European. The rest of the teachers are. I don't feel different, mainly because I grew up in Europe and I was educated well, I have a Master's in my field ...

A.   21 January 2016:  Are you by any chance a worrier by nature ? An anxious type ?... Because I think you are doing just fine. You are being normally cooperative, and polite to everybody. As long as you keep at that, you won't come off as rude. As for seeming " unfr... (read in full...)

Am I with the wrong girl? Her conversations are just bullshit talk

Q.   I find it hard to have quality and deep meaningful talks with my gf. She never brings it up, rather focusing on jorseyshore, kardasians or some other dumbass shit that makes me feel like Ive dropped in IQ after hearing about. You know times when you ...

A.   20 January 2016:  I agree with jls022. Maybe this is not the right girl for you, maybe she is really limited in her interests to a level that makes her unfit for adult conversation, maybe you have really nothing in common. Anyway if you don't enjoy having her arou... (read in full...)

My BF just got back from a trip and said he missed me but I had to contact him to make plans to see each other

Q.   Just want to know your take on my situation. I am not sure if there is cause for concern. I hope you can help me figure that out. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 1/2 years. We have a great connection as friends and still after all this t...

A.   20 January 2016: Not to discount female intuition, but...this post,and question, is a bit strange. What kind of relationship do you have with this man ? It sounds a bit unbalanced, as if he is secure and confident of having your interest ,.... but it's not the ... (read in full...)

How do I handle the wedding invite of a brother I haven't spoken to in 10 years?

Q.   About ten years ago, I caught my brother stealing from me(about fifty dollars) so he could take his girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend) out on a date. He was a very selfish person. At that time, we live together at my parents house. Due to my ...

A.   20 January 2016:  I don't think you have been invited by mistake, I think too this is your brother's way to extend an olive branch. If you want to accept it or not is up to you. I understand how shocking it must be having something stolen from you precisely by t... (read in full...)

Why would my co-worker encourage me to go to night out with everyone and then ignore me the whole night?

Q.   I'm left slightly confused over something.... I've been in my current job for 5 months. Now the other week our manager arranged for us all to go bowling and then for a bite to eat at the weekend. I was unsure if I could make it but the lady who...

A.   17 January 2016:  I am with WiseOwlE on this. You are reading too much into this. She " urged " you to go ?... she asked you, or suggested you to go,- but I strongly doubt that she particularly cared whether you'd go or not. ( You, or any other new empl... (read in full...)

Faux-pas in the convo with colleagues...was what I said out of line?

Q.   Dear friends, I have what may sound a silly query, but a colleague of mine asked me why the book I was using was in tatters, and I answered, without mincing my words, that the person covering for me left in this status the week after. I was not inve...

A.   17 January 2016:  A spade is a spade , sure, but even a spade, you must make sure you know how to use it in its intended way... that's not for clobbering people on their head :)... What I mean is, that perhaps it would have been best if you had simply said " That... (read in full...)

Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   17 January 2016: Thank you for the update ; now let's hope that yow will not only talk the talk but also walk the walk ! :) If you can really just relax and see what happens, without having any particular expectations or making any special emotional investment, ... (read in full...)

How do I fix up the messed up family relationships that I have?

Q.   I need some advice in an urgent way. My life is in shambles. I wrote last March under the Family section under the title of Why am I the Family Villain? But I am not writing to complain about that any longer. I have been spending a lot of time back ...

A.   16 January 2016:  How curious , OP. There's a question posted on DC on April 2nd, 2010 by a 23 y.o. under the title " I haven't forgiven my mother for grounding me when I was 12 ! " She tells your same story, with slight variations in details ( punished at 12, ... (read in full...)

What's a reasonable degree of involvement with your in-laws?

Q.   I'd like to have opinions from the Dc community about what's a reasonable / sustainable degree of involvement with your in laws. ( I have my own opinion, and I am also pretty sanguine about it- but, although I hate to admit it :) I can't al...

A.   15 January 2016:  Thank you Honeypie and Tottochan. I'll tell your advice to my friend ( I can't just show her the posts, since I am calling her husband a wuss :) , and I am sure she'll be very comforted by your words. She is really uneasy about this issue because ... (read in full...)

Will having a pet interfere with my dating life?

Q.   Hi all, this is not a relationship question as such but any advice would be appreciated. I have been single for just over a year now and living on my own for around 6 months. I have absolutely always wanted a dog or a cat (or even a rabbit), ...

A.   15 January 2016:  There are pros and cons in ref. to dogs and dating. Sure, you may meet some guy who dislikes dog, or some guy who wants a woman with no baggage at all, not even a pet.... on the other hand, do you remember " 101 Dalmatians ",right ?, How the main... (read in full...)

Planned pregnancy & partner of 9 years says it's over, he doesn't love me - move out.  

Q.   Hello All. I posted a question a little after Christmas regarding my boyfriend questioning our relationship, whether he wanted me - this revelation coming out of nowhere. Your advice greatly helped and im hoping you can please do the same agai...

A.   15 January 2016:  I did not quite understand if you have definitely moved out, and, in the affirmative, why oh why. Since the furniture is all yours, and you share the deed of the house, plus you are pregnant- if he is not happy with the status quo, let him be the ... (read in full...)

Am I an idiot to keep responding to him?

Q.   Met a guy from a dating site 2 years ago. Met him on and off throughout and we just meet for sex. last time i saw him was about two months ago. I would of liked him to of wanted more then sex but i know he doesn't. The sex is alright but i know he ...

A.   14 January 2016:  Emphatically yes and yes. " When I told him that I can't be a text buddy anymore, he ignores me... " Well ? Ignore him back ! Don't reply when he contacts you ! Don't engagé him in conversation ! Even better, just block him and be done ! What... (read in full...)

Old fashioned parents spoiling my big day

Q.   Hi, I'm almost 17 and this is my last school year. My mom have this 'bohemian "evening" dress' that was made in Indonesia, which my gran got her but my mom never wore it so she gave it to me. I'm grateful for that and all cause the dress fits m...

A.   13 January 2016:  Yes, we'll keep our fingers crossed too :). But even if you don't convince your parents... don't let this spoil your mood; go anyway, take some girlfriend along with you, and have a blast. Remember, it would not be fair to your schoolmates to d... (read in full...)

When is right to ask her over?

Q.   Hi, is four dates, too early to ask to come over to her place, bring a movie, and popcorn so we can be alone, and snuggle. We have been out dancing, out to eat, talking on the phone, that is texing. I have ask, she says its too early. I don't dr...

A.   13 January 2016:  If she already told you it's too early- then it is too early. Other women may feel it's not too early, but it does not matter, because you are dating this one and you have to take into account what SHE is Ok with. Which it may not be a bad th... (read in full...)

Old fashioned parents spoiling my big day

Q.   Hi, I'm almost 17 and this is my last school year. My mom have this 'bohemian "evening" dress' that was made in Indonesia, which my gran got her but my mom never wore it so she gave it to me. I'm grateful for that and all cause the dress fits m...

A.   13 January 2016:  One man's trash is another man's treasure... While I was reading the description of your evening dress , I was positively green with envy. I love this kind of " boho " , ethnic dresses, and here in Italy they are very hard to find and very exp... (read in full...)

My girlfriend treats me like a child

Q.   I have been dating my girlfriend for 9 months, we met in the health club we work at (I'm a physical therapist, she's a yoga instructor). Things have been great, but their is one HUGE a problem, she's 10 years older than me (I'm 26,she's 36) and she ...

A.   13 January 2016:  Yes, she is mothering you. But maybe she would not have to, or would be less inclined to do so, if you acted more like an adult rather than like a bratty teenager. Like, having to be " called " and urged to do chores. Of course she could have... (read in full...)

Will he ever get some courage and finally ask me out?

Q.   Will he ever get some courage and finally ask me out? im 32 and he is 27 he is a store manager at a grocery store...from the looks of things he is doing quite well for himself. well ive had a couple of customers ask me was I his girlfriend..i sa...

A.   13 January 2016:  Well, he should !, if he is into you , and does not call you, he must be a veeeeery bad,sad case of social anxiety. I mean, in case he did not want to risk rejection, - you made everything so plain and easy for him, you could not have signaled ... (read in full...)

Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?

Q.   Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...

A.   12 January 2016:  Of course wives are replaceable too; everybody is replaceable. Even Kings and Popes. Only, no, I don't think it happens more often than we'd think. There are a few studies on this subject, and more or less the stats calculate at 3% the number of ... (read in full...)

He's kissed me. Separately he's been cold too. What do his actions indicate?

Q.   There is this guy on my college course and I really like him. We are quite close to each other and he knows I like someone in our class. The problem is he's kissed me a few times and flirts with me and then he can be really cold to me. I don't know ...

A.   12 January 2016:  But he must know already that you like him, because you kiss him ! Why would you accept and kiss a guy whom you don't like- unless you are a girl that just kisses everybody just for the heck of it ?! So, I suppose you'd have to be brave and ... (read in full...)

Sex is good but he's gone cold

Q.   I met a guy at uni a few months ago and i guess we sort of became fuck buddies having mostly drunken sex. It hasn't been constant but before Christmas it was happening regularly and it turned into a more friends with benefits as we spent more time ...

A.   12 January 2016:  I doubt that he wants more than sex from you, because if he does, being blunt, ignoring you and keeping you at arm's length is surely not the best way to show you that he wants more, and I bet he knows that , no matter how young or inexperienced ... (read in full...)

Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?

Q.   Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...

A.   12 January 2016:  To divert the lover's attention from the undeniable fact that she is sitting home alone making do with some bulshitty texts, while he is in vacation with his wife next to him, talking to her, going out with her, spending money on her and having sex ... (read in full...)

Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   18 December 2015:  Don't beat yourself up too much. The best way to learn is through experience, through trial and error. Now hopefully you are best equipped to screen your candidates and weed out the flakes. I reiterate my advice to be quite more ....self serv... (read in full...)

Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   29 November 2015:  Scottie aren't you the same lady who posted another question about another on line suitor , assumedly a secret agent ? He too, after a prolonged and intense e -mail exchange, just vanished off your life, no notice and no explanations. If this... (read in full...)

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