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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   17 January 2016: Thank you for the update ; now let's hope that yow will not only talk the talk but also walk the walk ! :) If you can really just relax and see what happens, without having any particular expectations or making any special emotional investment, ... (read in full...)

Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?

Q.   Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...

A.   12 January 2016:  Of course wives are replaceable too; everybody is replaceable. Even Kings and Popes. Only, no, I don't think it happens more often than we'd think. There are a few studies on this subject, and more or less the stats calculate at 3% the number of ... (read in full...)

He's kissed me. Separately he's been cold too. What do his actions indicate?

Q.   There is this guy on my college course and I really like him. We are quite close to each other and he knows I like someone in our class. The problem is he's kissed me a few times and flirts with me and then he can be really cold to me. I don't know ...

A.   12 January 2016:  But he must know already that you like him, because you kiss him ! Why would you accept and kiss a guy whom you don't like- unless you are a girl that just kisses everybody just for the heck of it ?! So, I suppose you'd have to be brave and ... (read in full...)

Sex is good but he's gone cold

Q.   I met a guy at uni a few months ago and i guess we sort of became fuck buddies having mostly drunken sex. It hasn't been constant but before Christmas it was happening regularly and it turned into a more friends with benefits as we spent more time ...

A.   12 January 2016:  I doubt that he wants more than sex from you, because if he does, being blunt, ignoring you and keeping you at arm's length is surely not the best way to show you that he wants more, and I bet he knows that , no matter how young or inexperienced ... (read in full...)

Why would a married man keep in touch with his mistress while on vacation with his wife?

Q.   Why does a married man who is on vacation with his wife keep in constant touch with his mistress while he is away? And tells her he misses her and can't wait to be with her again?...

A.   12 January 2016:  To divert the lover's attention from the undeniable fact that she is sitting home alone making do with some bulshitty texts, while he is in vacation with his wife next to him, talking to her, going out with her, spending money on her and having sex ... (read in full...)

Is he a psycho? Is he trying to have friendship on his terms?

Q.   Dear Aunts, a dilemma has been haunting my life since 3 years. A guy I was on/off with For 3 years has re-entered my life after he asked me to never contact him again In June. he wasn't being available and consistent so I burst and freaked out one ...

A.   11 January 2016:  I am hesitant to answer your question, because I think you won' t make a good use of the answer:) Because, logically, the answer should be " Yes, that's a possibility too "- I mean, why should he necessarily be single ? we do not know, but of ... (read in full...)

Now I know should I meet him?

Q.   Hi, I met this guy online. We been talking 5 months. He lives 2000 miles away. He wanted to come visit me however I have roommate so we mutually decided I go visit him. I was under the impression we were dating monogamously. Come to find out, he's...

A.   11 January 2016:  Denizen, I think you did not understand correctly. I think the OP mentioned her roommate just to explain how come she decided going to visit the boy in his place and not viceversa ( not enough space and privacy with a roommate underfoot). Unlu... (read in full...)

Is he a psycho? Is he trying to have friendship on his terms?

Q.   Dear Aunts, a dilemma has been haunting my life since 3 years. A guy I was on/off with For 3 years has re-entered my life after he asked me to never contact him again In June. he wasn't being available and consistent so I burst and freaked out one ...

A.   10 January 2016:  Yes he is framing this thing ( ... not really a friendship ) in his own terms. Which is not surprising, because your relationship is not on an even keel and he knows it perfectly. That's why by his message he sort of put you back into your proper ... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if I'm over-analyzing or not. Does his lack of reply mean he doesn't care about me?

Q.   Hi, A little background: I'm in a long-distance relationship where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US. I've known him for 4 years (before moving to China) as great friends and co-workers. We started dating 6 months ...

A.   10 January 2016:  "Is that being needy ?" ... Good question; and hard to answer. Because , if you ask ME, based on my opinion and personality, and/or how I would act in your place, I have to say : yes, that's being needy. Then again, we all have differen... (read in full...)

If my ex tries to talk to me, should I listen, or stay with the new partner?

Q.   Met someone new, three dates, going great, showing me more then my ex did, but am still in love with my ex. In my past, this has happened, more then once, when things were really starting to be great with the new one, my ex would pop back in the p...

A.   10 January 2016:  Based on your own experience, apparently you shouldn't : if any time you leave the new one for the ex.... then the ex dumps you and leaves you high and dry !,- well how many times do you need to repeat an experience before you learn from it ? ... (read in full...)

But why the sudden blanking...what does it mean?

Q.   I split up with my ex a year and a half ago. It was pretty messy he ended up going to prison for being an idiot, all alcohol related. He has a problem with alcohol. It was over because I couldn't deal with the stress of it anymore. We didn...

A.   10 January 2016:  Assume that he does not ( want to be with you ) and thank your God for what is a real blessing even if disguised as an unexpected communication breakdown ! Do you really need in your life a cheating alcoholist with a prison record ? Having a rela... (read in full...)

Money problems resulting in relationship problems!

Q.   I have a situation which is as old as the hills, but here it is; I'm a self-employed person.Up til recently business has been good, but for now and the forseeable future my earnings are taking a huge drop. I have a small amount of savings which ar...

A.   9 January 2016:  Errata corrige : SEVEN years of nice clothes. Not just 4.... (read in full...)

Money problems resulting in relationship problems!

Q.   I have a situation which is as old as the hills, but here it is; I'm a self-employed person.Up til recently business has been good, but for now and the forseeable future my earnings are taking a huge drop. I have a small amount of savings which ar...

A.   9 January 2016:  I think that in your case that may be exactly true...,, Sorry, maybe I have a bit a rigid , calvinist mentality about this kind of things, but , even if we don't want to label her as a gold-digger, she surely acts entitled, and you surely enab... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if I'm over-analyzing or not. Does his lack of reply mean he doesn't care about me?

Q.   Hi, A little background: I'm in a long-distance relationship where I temporarily live in China for work and my boyfriend in US. I've known him for 4 years (before moving to China) as great friends and co-workers. We started dating 6 months ...

A.   9 January 2016:  Nothing, or, actually, exactly what in your text you said you were going to do : catch up with him tomorrow. In your message you said that you had been in an accident but basically OK ( so he knows it's nothing really serious and he is not too ... (read in full...)

Should I continue to carry on with this married man? Or walk away?

Q.   I met a guy last year and we clicked instantly.as we got to talking he told me he asked if I was single and I said yes. He told me he was married but wars us to have a relationship.he told me his wife is in another country and doesn't live with ...

A.   9 January 2016:  .. But your heart is going to be broken anyway, even if you carry on. You have fallen hard for this guy, you say, and you are used to be with him. Well, you are used to be with him, because so far his wife was abroad. When she comes, you will... (read in full...)

Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?

Q.   I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...

A.   9 January 2016: @male anon : your shock is unwrranted, and must come from your having read into the posts much more than the posters wrote and, I think, that they meant. The OP posed a simple question " Is it more work a puppy or a baby ?" which has a simp... (read in full...)

Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?

Q.   I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...

A.   8 January 2016: Your friend is grossly mistaken, or else she was just joking. How can she even compare the two things ? A baby is MUCH more work than a puppy. I had a baby ( that happened 25 years ago, but I remember all very well ) and I had, along the year... (read in full...)

My wife doesn't like the expensive present I got from a female co-worker. What should I do?

Q.   Hi all Where I work, its mostly with women and as a result I am friendly and comfortable around women,although my wife isn't too happy about it.There's one particular girl who I work very closely with and I'll admit i get on particularly well wit...

A.   7 January 2016:  Although, as for my personal opinion, I do not think that aftershave is too personal a gift, and it is in fact the typical, neutral, " I don't know anything about your tastes " gift that I would choose for some older distant relative ; and ... (read in full...)

I think he is selfish and only thinks of himself!

Q.   I have a bf of 2 years. He asked me to help him to buy an iPhone 6 months ago with my credit card. I did and he's making the minimum payments every month since I know he had a job but was looking for another with better pay. He got the second job so ...

A.   7 January 2016:  I can see your point... but I can see his too. Financially it makes much better sense that he gets rid of the most important, cumbersome debts, and keeps doing the smaller, easily manageable monthly payments for the other card. Moreover, if this ... (read in full...)

I love/hate him and feel I am going nowhere.

Q.   The blush is beginning to fade from the rose. Met a guy in Nov. 2014 at a French speaking club. He pursued me from the get-go. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship (my first one) earlier that year. So, when he came along, I was ambivalent...

A.   7 January 2016:  The man is not a liar, and he is not a player either. Quite simply , he is offering you what he can give you, and it's not his fault if it's not enough for you. We might say that you have been friend-with-benefits -zoned , but not in a disparaging ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend left on a trip but he was not overly emotional during our "good bye" and I am wondering why?

Q.   My boyfriend is leaving on a family trip to Europe tonight. He'll be gone for two weeks. He was just over at my place spending an hour with me to say good bye because that's all the time he had. He is getting ready so he can soon get to the airpo...

A.   5 January 2016:  I can only confirm what Honeypie says. Come on, OP, do not exaggerate. You will miss him, and I am sure he will miss you , still.... it's 2 weeks total !! !$ days !! And he's going on a family vacation, not on a study expedition among cannibal... (read in full...)

My boyfriend left on a trip but he was not overly emotional during our "good bye" and I am wondering why?

Q.   My boyfriend is leaving on a family trip to Europe tonight. He'll be gone for two weeks. He was just over at my place spending an hour with me to say good bye because that's all the time he had. He is getting ready so he can soon get to the airpo...

A.   4 January 2016:  I can only confirm what Honeypie says. Come on, OP, do not exaggerate. You will miss him, and I am sure he will miss you , still.... it's 2 weeks total !! !$ days !! And he's going on a family vacation, not on a study expedition among cannibal... (read in full...)

Why would your boyfriend tell you to be a "good girl" before he leaves to go out of town?

Q.   Why would your boyfriend tell you to be a "good girl" before he leaves to go out of town? What's that mean? And why say it?...

A.   4 January 2016:  I would not read much into it. It's just a way of saying. "Be a good girl ( or boy ) ". " Behave " " Don't do anything that I would not do ! ". It's not unusual at all, and it's just an attempt at humour- or maybe at being " cute ".... (read in full...)

He tends to go quiet after we're together -- will he do it again?

Q.   Am I reading too much into my New Years date..? I met a guy 6 mths ago on match. There is a slight age gap he is 52, 12 yrs older. I felt there was a spark between us and we did meet up several times. He seemed interested but I got the impressi...

A.   3 January 2016:  He had no other plans and did not want to be alone New Years Eve. Or, as Honeypie says , he had something else planned but it got canceled. Look, if he shows up every 2 months, gets intimate, and then disappears,... he does not like you that much... (read in full...)

My boyfriend dumped me after I slapped him

Q.   Hi again.. I'm had a huge argument with my boyfriend of 2 years last night.. We argued over how he's getting to the airport when he goes on holiday with his friends in March. I'm upset he's going away for one and secondly I wanted to take him to t...

A.   3 January 2016:  "What's the big deal ?".... I am sure the anon male reader will understand what's the big deal the first time he gets slapped by his partner for having said or done something annoying or out of order ! Doing something " wrong " happens to ... (read in full...)

I feel really nervous and I'm feeling hesitant about getting engaged. Is this a normal reaction? Or a sign that I sense something wrong?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for a year but we've been friends for a decade before that (met as kids). We are at that age where everyone is getting engaged and I think he plans on asking that question soon. I love him a lot and everyone thinks ...

A.   2 January 2016:  ...Maybe is it a classic case of " I love him but I am not in love with him " ?... Often, alas, the persons that on paper are perfect for us, and we should feel lucky to have,- well, they are great and we ARE lucky, and still... there's some... (read in full...)

Girls, who do I choose?

Q.   Question for the girls. You have a choice to go out with one of two guys. One is gorgeous and you find him irresistable but for some reason, which we will leave to the side, he only wants passionate foreplay no penetration. The second guy is ok in ...

A.   31 December 2015:  I would choose the second. The second can / want to perform both foreplay and intercourse and would be able to alternate either one upon request. The first is limited in his sexual offer , and even if you " prefer " foreplay, that does not... (read in full...)

Husband's left for Pakistan. I'm in a terrible dilemma

Q.   My husband has decided to return to Pakistan, I know he does miss his country. He knows I do not really want to go there as I am not a family person and he has a large family. He has basically told me that if I do not go with him then he will get...

A.   31 December 2015:  I would not go if I were you. Once he is back in Pakistan he can, very easily and very legally, take a second wife anyway ; and you could end up being a co-bride AND living in Pakistan where you did not want to live to begin with.... (read in full...)

How can I deal with an over sensitive mother?

Q.   Key Information: 22 years old, currently live with my mother and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. My mother is always under the impression that my boyfriend has a personal issue with her. Whenever I have asked him if he dislikes my moth...

A.   31 December 2015:  Sorry, but I think you asked the wrong question. Rather than " how should I deal with an oversensitive mother ! it should be " how should I deal with a rude disrespectful boyfriend ". Honestly, I have trouble believing what I read. He is invi... (read in full...)

I don't want to be alone on New Year's Eve. Any suggestions?

Q.   So...this may sound pathetic...because I'm going to be alone this New Year's Eve. My friends are either going to spend New Year's Eve with their boyfriend or their husband. And the only one single friend prefers to stay at home. I feel so lonely.... ...

A.   30 December 2015: Well, if it's just about not wanting to welcome the New Year all alone, why don't you go at your single friend's ? Call in pizzas or cook yourselves a special fancy dinner and then do whatever comes to mind : A Sex and the City marathon ? A card ... (read in full...)

He didn't contact me Christmas day. What can I say to him? Is my reaction reasonable?

Q.   Hello everyone I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 months. We were friends for 4 months prior to that. He is kind, attentive, loving, considerate, reliable, funny, generous, always keeps his promises, and generally a good man. We get on...

A.   30 December 2015:  Let's hope that baby Jesus wasn't a stickler for details and for punctuality at your same degree . Otherwise I can picture very well in my mind the scene at the arrival on JANUARY 6TH ! of the Magi Kings, bringing their gifts of gold, ... (read in full...)

What could I say in a love letter to girl, without frightening her off?

Q.   I need to write a love letter for this girl im going to ask out. Only thing is I dont want it to be one of those over the top corny love letters. I just want to tell her how I feel about her, a little romance is ok but i dont want to scare her off....

A.   30 December 2015:  No, you don't need to write a love letter to this girl whom you haven't even ever asked out . Just ask her out and take it from there. A love letter from a perfect stranger has many chances to be seen as corny and OTT , if not downright cree... (read in full...)

Should I walk away from a man who is 90% perfect for me?

Q.   My boyfriend and I broke up in the end of October. We were arguing a lot. He says I'm too aggressive. As a native New Yorker I do have an edge. He's from the country with a very carefree laid back attitude. Our lease was up in December. We decided ...

A.   24 December 2015:  First of all,.. allow me please a short digression- don't blame New York ,lol. New York has got nothing to do with either of you being stubborn or having communications issues. As an ( ex ) adoptive New Yorker who spent there a good chunk of my ... (read in full...)

I want to spend Christmas with my mom and boyfriend and now he wants to spend Christmas with his mom. I'm not happy about this!

Q.   Cutting a long story short. Last year my dad left my mum, she now lives with my two younger brothers, which truthfully they don't really care about her. This will be the first time she is on her own (brothers are going to dads) and it's the first ...

A.   24 December 2015:  You are not happy because you are not having it your way and we all are not happy when that happens. But since there's a lot of people involved, beside you, that need to be made reasonably happy , or not that unhappy, I think that your bf suggested ... (read in full...)

He constantly comments on other girls .....

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we are more than happy. But... he comments on other girls and I've seen him looking at them too. I know he loves me and I love him, but a few days ago he made a comment about someone I know, ...

A.   20 December 2015:  It depends from what you mean by " he looks at other girls ": Does he stare them down, does he check them out meticolously head to toes, does he OGLES them ? DOes it look like he is drooling over them ? Then no, this is inappropriate at any age,... (read in full...)

She took the presents and ran

Q.   Hello was dating this woman for a short time. I just gave her Christmas presents, then next day she broke up with me. Should I ask for them back?...

A.   19 December 2015:  No, you should not. Presents are unconditional, otherwise they aren't presents but bribes. You gave her presents as a way to express " I like you and appreciate you ", right ? " Not : " I like you and appreciate you ,... but only if you like and ... (read in full...)

I feel weirded out by my housemate's iciness and then occasional familiarity. What should I do?

Q.   So my housemate is gay and so am I. He asked to move in after we went on a tinder date. I'm starting to think he went on the date more because he wanted to move into my desirable apartment in an area he liked (but wasnt up front about it), and the ...

A.   18 December 2015:  Pardon me, OP, ... but have you been totally upfront yourself ?... I don't know ,but it sounds to me very bizarre that you have decided to take in this guy after just one date from tinder, which is a site for casual encounters. A good enco... (read in full...)

Why is he spending so much time with me if he doesn't want me? What should I do?

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the long post but I could really use some advice. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me recently but we still act like we are a couple. I want to still be with him and I've told him that. But he has said that w...

A.   18 December 2015: If by " we still act as a couple " you mean you are still sexually intimate, then isn't it rather self explanatory why he stays ? He gets his sexual needs taken care of, while he waits for someone more exciting or more compatible or more what... (read in full...)

Was it just a joke to him? He e called me PG and text me a pig cartoon

Q.   Hi, Thanks for reading my post. English is not my native language I need advice. I am trying to the find right person. I started online dating . I met few guys but things did not work out. Its almost a month a guy tried to reached me. He ...

A.   18 December 2015:  No no. Just block him and move on. This is unacceptable. If it was just a joke, then is a bad taste joke ; you can find someone with a better sense of humour. And even if there was no intent to offend or to put down (... hard to believe ....... (read in full...)

Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   18 December 2015:  Don't beat yourself up too much. The best way to learn is through experience, through trial and error. Now hopefully you are best equipped to screen your candidates and weed out the flakes. I reiterate my advice to be quite more ....self serv... (read in full...)

Does my date need to come out?

Q.   A guy I'm dating got intimate ! I gave him a couple hickies at the drive thru and we kind of had sex. Well when he turned on the light he saw he had two hickies on his face, and he was upset. I said we can go to the store and I'll help you pick your ...

A.   16 December 2015:  If he is dating you and having sex ( kind of ) with you- then he is not gay. At most he could be bisexual. But I bet he is neither. Just a metrosexualish hetero. Powder foundation is not like liquid foundation , people generally does not use ... (read in full...)

Is it bad for me to get mad with him? Or am I justified in feeling this way?

Q.   I have been with my daughters dad for three years. We've had our ups and downs but have managed to stay together for the most part. Well, in July and August we separated due to him being really different so I packed up and left. We were still being ...

A.   16 December 2015:  I agree with Ciar. It's understandable that what he did does not sit too well with you- but it does not give you the right to be belligerant about it. You were broken up as a couple !, you had LEFT him and you weren't an item anymore. That you ... (read in full...)

Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.

Q.   There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...

A.   29 November 2015:  Scottie aren't you the same lady who posted another question about another on line suitor , assumedly a secret agent ? He too, after a prolonged and intense e -mail exchange, just vanished off your life, no notice and no explanations. If this... (read in full...)

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