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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [258 pages, 10276 answers]

Why does this person not stop harrassing me?

Q.   Why would someone who you have told them no and they know you don't want to do the unreasonable request they asked you keep pressuring you and pressuring you to try and do what they want. You have even blocked their calls and they still phone yo...

A.   19 November 2017:  Because " they" want the money, duh- And because " they " know that you are quite a softie who is eager to please and appease, as already shown by the fact that you have already done a lot for " them " - without " them " having to appr... (read in full...)

We had plans, should I keep him as a friend?

Q.   I have been friends with this guy for a year now and we have recently gotten pretty close. se seemed like a really easy going person and cool guy to hang out with. He really opens up about his life and we have many deep conversations. Well this past ...

A.   19 November 2017:  If you 'd like him to be more than just a friend ( it sounds like you do ) then definitely no. Don't bother. He is flaky, rude and insincere. Plus, he must be " not that into you ", if he prefers a last minute little house party with various ... (read in full...)

I'm disappointed he saw a new movie with his brother instead of me

Q.   So my bf had a family funeral to attend this weekend. It is out of town far away. After the funeral he was bored so decided to go to see a movie that we planned to go see next week together. All he texted me was 'I think I am going to go see the ...

A.   19 November 2017:  Yeah, I think you did not handle it very well. Mean what you say and say what you mean. If you weren't ok with him seeing that movie with another person, then why you did you tell him " Ok, enjoy the movie " ?! Just to sulk AFTER you had give... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   18 November 2017:  I think I'll take advantage of this thread for a sec to express my exhaustion and frustration wuth the time honoured " but there were also good times, not just bad ones " or " but he was not ALL bad " argument which pops up so often in DC posts. ... (read in full...)

What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!

Q.   hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...

A.   18 November 2017:  Well, at least he is a generous type. Nevertheless, he is still stringing you along big time. Move on.... (read in full...)

What is he doing? His last text said he still wants me but that was November third!

Q.   hi i am seeing a man, don't what sort of relationship it is but hes not text me in 2 weeks and not seen me in 2 months now, i did text him 2 weeks ago asking whats going on my text to him was " how are you ive not heard off you in weeks how can yo...

A.   17 November 2017:  In hospital ? -- Busy at work ?... And the dog ate his homework, too ?... He can say whatever he wants, OP, but actions speak louder than words and his actions say very clearly that he is not interested and couldn't care less. If a person kno... (read in full...)

How can I explain to parents?

Q.   Hi all :) I’ll share a little details about myself and family before diving into my question. I’m 18 turning 19 soon and just started university and my parents are quite what our generation would say a little “old-fashioned”? I come from a Chinese ...

A.   17 November 2017:  It does not sound to me that the situation is so desperate and after all you have a plan that can work :). Your parents , apparentlu, aren't so hopelessly old fashioned and overbearing. After all. all it took to convince your dad that you coul... (read in full...)

Help me find my way out of these abusive traps

Q.   I am in a 16-year-relationship that became sexless and violent, abusive. I was thrown out the house in middle of night. I left and he wants me back. While away I met another man who I fell in love with and been seeing for a year this man seems quite ...

A.   17 November 2017:  It may be easier than you think, if you just reflect that 16 years have been a huge part of your life... the part which SUCKED. Being physically or verbally abused sucks, being exposed to violence and neglect sucks, always living in the edge and ... (read in full...)

Should I leave a little heart in his desk?

Q.   Is it ok to leave a little heart in his desk? Just want to know some opinions. There's this guy at work that I like and I'm sure he likes me too. But I think it was my mistake by not showing interest in him and I think he has distanced a littl...

A.   17 November 2017:  No. No heart . You are not a teenager anymore, and coming from an adult this sort of " secret admirer " stuff would look inappropriate and , well, just weird. You can un-distance yourself quite easily. Smile ! Engage him in conversation, ask ... (read in full...)

Gossip mongers got me going

Q.   How do u act around people that gossip? I recently started a job and I noticed that two of my coworkers are partaking in chit chat - one of them first asked for my social media accounts right away (I only knew him for a month) and he wanted to add ...

A.   16 November 2017:  I don't know, OP, aren't you by any chance being a bit too strict, too rigid ? There's malicious gossip, spread out on the intent to damage, disparage and vilify. And then there is... banter. Shooting the breeze. Making small talk. Sure it woul... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   16 November 2017:  Seriously,OP? You can't see anything wrong in this picture : she can't have lunch with you because you are broken up ( ok, it makes sense ) yet she can run to you for help the very first moment she needs something, even if you are broken up ? ... (read in full...)

How can I get over my parents' neglect?

Q.   how Can I deal with moving back home to parents that only care about money and are constantly berating me - I come from a Eastern European culture where my parents marriage was arranged (very toxic relationship) my parents hate each other but stay ...

A.   15 November 2017:  So if you should see someone in pain and you have something to offer you would . Are you sure ? Always ? Unconditionally ? Regardless of past and present circumstances ? To any extent the borrower should require, rather than to the extent ... (read in full...)

Should I be the first to call like always, or should I let her reach out this time?

Q.   I have been in a seven-year relationship with my girlfriend/ex-girlfriend (I'm not sure which is accurate at this point). We have always struggled with how we resolve conflict. We've been through the break-up-make-up cycle many times. Each time ...

A.   15 November 2017: I am pretty sure that this is not what you want to hear, but tbh if you are caught up in a 7 years (! ) cycle of on and off, break up and make up - and if you find yourselves frequently having " stupid " fights about menial stuff... please cease ... (read in full...)

Is $3000 too cheap for an engagement ring for a high maintenance girlfriend given my income and background?

Q.   Hi, I would appreciate if you can help me with my question. If a guy is a university professor, in his mid 40s with some debt from divorce, planning to propose to his high maintenance girlfriend who is beautiful and highly educated do you think ...

A.   13 November 2017:  No, it's not too cheap. I think it's adequate. Now, in theory you can't put a price tag on feelings and your girlfriend should be overjoyed to receive the symbol of your committment even if this symbol were the tin ring from a Coke can. In pract... (read in full...)

My sister's boyfriend kissed me and now we've been making out behind her back!

Q.   My sisters boyfriend kissed me what should I do?? I’m 15 years old and my sisters boyfriend is 19 they’ve been dating for about a year I’ve known him as long as she has known him. This all started about 3 months ago when he started grabbing...

A.   13 November 2017:  No no no, OP. You can't be confused over stuff like that; it's pretty clear cut. That's your SISTER's bf were are talking about. By making out with her bf behind her back- as dramatic as it sounds, you are betraying your own flesh and bloo... (read in full...)

What's the ettiquette regarding texting?

Q.   Hello aunties and uncles, I am a gay male and I have a bit of a general "romantic interest" in the modern social media era type of question. To abridge all the details, there's this gay guy I am very interested in. We know each other for quite ...

A.   13 November 2017:  Probabaly I am the last person who'd be qualified to advise about texting etiquette, since generally I make an old fashioned, functional, stark use of texts -like " running 15 minutes late ". For information, not for conversation. Yet, comm... (read in full...)

Now he seems interested in finally setting a date I don't want to marry him.

Q.   Hello, new to the site. hoping for some help. I 39 years old and my bf is 46, we have been together for almost 3 years and engaged for 2 of those. When we got engaged i was so happy that i would be planning my wedding, but every time i mentioned ...

A.   11 November 2017:  Well, no, it's not normal to find " a lot " of things which aggravate you in your partner, nor accepting to marry him if you do. In general, if you want to marry a person, this is, in fact, also because they aggravate you LESS than other people ... (read in full...)

I am the mother of five young girls and just found my boyfriend looking at teen girl porn

Q.   My boyfriend is looking teen porn almost every day. He promised me a couple months ago to never do it again when I found stuff that looked WAY too young and wrong. I about had a break down because I have 5 girls almost ready to be teenagers. How is ...

A.   10 November 2017:  I would not chance it eother and I think getting rid of him was the right choice. I don't know, maybe I have read too many books, but the first thing that your post reminded me of, was " Lolita " by V.Nabokov . Where the main character rents a ro... (read in full...)

I have feelings for a recently married woman.

Q.   I recently realized i have feelings for a woman who has not long been married, it is at the point that i can't think of anything else, i'm not sure if she has picked up on this by my body language, i am dying to tell her how i feel but..i can't ...

A.   9 November 2017:  They would be unpleasant. If she got married recently, we can reasonably assume that she is still committed to her marriage and no sexual boredom / sentimental wear-and-tear has even had time to set in. Plus you talk about your body Language... (read in full...)

Is online cheating okay?

Q.   OK! I found out that my boyfriend of 8 years has been going on adult dating sites looking for women to hook up he'd say he hopes they can come over see I'd stay at my daughters sometimes and baby sit. is cheating OK if there's no actual contact ...

A.   9 November 2017:  You bet it's not OK ! It sounds like your bf has been trying to get women to come over the very moment you are out of the door.... so I doubt that , if there has never been an actual, physical contact (..which he would deny, anyway...) it's beca... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   9 November 2017: The police can't do anything for you. You don't even have a receipt for the money you lent him, he can deny that he ever got anything from you, or say that it was a gift ! How would you prove that you are owed that money ?... But even if you had ... (read in full...)

What is so "personal" that he can't tell his long term girlfriend?

Q.   Hi! I've been seeing my bf for about 15 months and things have been mostly good. We have a very loving, affectionate relationship where we share most things and get on well. Except he has this female best friend that he's close to and the thing is I ...

A.   7 November 2017: It's quite black and white in my eyes :). That was not your bf's secrete. That was another person's secret, that he had promised not to reveal. Reason for which, he should not tell anything to a third party, no matter who she is, wife, fian... (read in full...)

Why doesn't he offer birthday wishes?

Q.   Dear Cupid I'm with my bf for approx 2 years and he doesn't acknowledge my bday and never even wishes me happy bday. It might sound childish but I wish he could atleast wish me. If I tell him om the day its my bday, and ask whether he is go...

A.   7 November 2017:  Could it be a cultural thing ? Where is he, or his family, from ? From instance, Muslims , even Westernized ones, don't celebrate birthdays. I am not sure if it's a religious prohibition, or if simply it's not in their culture and it's a West... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   7 November 2017: He's been ignoring you because you have stopped giving him money. When you can give money and help, he likes you- when you can't...not so much. It's simple and evident, and I am glad it begins appearing evident to you too. You fell for him at a... (read in full...)

How do I tell them I'm moving out without making it worse for myself?

Q.   So I have a friendship question here. I am currently in uni and live in a uni house with three girls, however it is a bit icy between some of us at the moment. Now, a bit of background, for the past few days/weeks I have felt like I am almost...

A.   5 November 2017: " I know I don't want to live with them next year... " Alt. Stop right there. You know that you don't want to live with them next year, and you don't HAVE to live with them next year. If you don't want to, don't do it, and tell them sooner r... (read in full...)

Wish I could sort out family problems

Q.   Married to a husband with dysfunctional family. His parent quarrel since he was kid. Been over 2 decades until now. (They) often threaten to divorce but not divorce. Their fights last for weeks. I don’t know what's wrong with my in-laws and my ...

A.   4 November 2017:  I am not clear what your question is, anyway my very generic advice would be : stay out of this. No skin off your nose. Don't interfere. You are young and you have your own husband and marriage, and hopefully activities and hobbies to keep ... (read in full...)

Work is stressing me out

Q.   At the moment at work (I work in a hospital) we are overstaffed and each day 1 of us has to move to a different area. No-one likes this. How (can I) be less stressed? About moving areas, we take it turns, though some of us move more often. I ...

A.   4 November 2017:  It's not easy but .. keep trying. Life works better for those who are flexible and can roll with the punches. If you are someone who resists change you can't modify your mindser overnight, but keeping things in perspective will help,- and kee... (read in full...)

Scared to admit I've reached maturity befor my older sister

Q.   Hi I'm 14 and I started my period at 13 a few days after my birthday. I don't know how to tell my mum and I'm quite scared as for telling her so late. I'm scared for the questions she might ask me like how did o l keep this (secret). It was hard...

A.   4 November 2017:  Honey, it's not your fault if you matured physically sooner than your sister ! It's not something you have a say about like, let's say, deciding , for some reason, to not get married , or to not graduate, before your older sister does. Go tell... (read in full...)

Christmas rosta bias. Bah! Humbug!

Q.   Our xmas party (dinner/drinks) is in Dec. My boss at work did the roster so his favourites could go. Is this fair? Obviously some people have to work, but he made sure his favourite colleagues could go. Those of us working are OK in his eyes but...

A.   4 November 2017:  How do you know for sure that your boss made the roster precisely with the intent that his favourites could go ? The young girl he adores is not going, for instance. I think you may be reading into this more than there is. It's an hosp... (read in full...)

I don't like the way my parents treat me and I'm thinking of running to my boyfriend in Canada

Q.   I've been in a relationship with a guy online for about 5 years now. I trust him alot and we do love each others. My problem is my parents. I've hated living with them. Everything has abnormal strict rules and im sick of it. I feel im living on a ...

A.   4 November 2017:  Easier said than done. Does your long distance boyfriend want you to live with him ? Do his parents want you ? For how long ? How would you support yourself ? Or are they supposed to support you financially, for how long ? I guess that as... (read in full...)

My wife says she won't move out of the house until our divorce is final. Why?

Q.   My wife says she's not moving out until our divorce is final. She says she talked to a lawyer. Why wouldn't she just move? She has a home to go to that she bought recently with daughter...

A.   4 November 2017:  Because her lawyer advised her against moving, I suppose. Now, which is the reason of this advise.... you should ask her lawyer ! ... (read in full...)

Relationship started out well but now he's asking for more and more money. Is he using me?

Q.   To cut my story short, I met a turkish guy at a resort during my holiday 2 months ago.We are both muslims and have similar cultures as I am from the middle east, so we seem to understand each other's views and lifestyles. Everything was going smooth ...

A.   4 November 2017:  He is soooo using you. If you live in a Muslim culture , you should have already realized that they are male-oriented, even male-dominated , cutures. Which, has its perks too ! A Muslim man loathes depending from women for money and , ... (read in full...)

How do men deal with the hair 'down there'?

Q.   This question is really difficult to ask people in real life so here goes. Ladies, what's your opinion on pubic hair on your men? Shaved, trimmed or untouched? And men, if you're shaving down there, how do you handle the testicular area? ...

A.   3 November 2017:  Shaved or at least trimmed, if shaving is too metrosexual or too high maintenance for you. Pubic hair is not gross per se, but, it's undeniable, hair traps droplets of sweat, and even people with good,regular hygiene can send off a pungent ... (read in full...)

A coworker eats smelly food right next to me!

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound like a trivial problem but it’s really bothering me. I recently started a new job and the man that sits next to me is a bodybuilder and as such eats an entire tub of cottage cheese at his desk every day at 9am. I think ...

A.   3 November 2017:  Strange office. So your colleague is not allowed to leave his desk because he must answer the phone - but he is allowed to answer the phones munching on his 45 minutes "snack", with his mouth full of food ? I would insist with the boss... (read in full...)

Why is my LDR boyfriend testing me this way?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years now and for the last two years of our relationship, he had to move for his job. He’s about 13 hours away from me now. He and I see each other as much as we can, despite the distance. The ...

A.   1 November 2017:  I think Honeypie is right. He is setting you up ; he wants , more or less consciously, you to fail his tests. Or else , he is -sorry- just plain dumb. Life isn't some trashy romance novel, where you just " follow your heart " and jump on a plan... (read in full...)

My past has led me to hate sex, relationships and even the human touch

Q.   I hate sex, masturbation, porn and sex toys. I even despise human touch and being social, including relationships. I'm very happy being single being alone by myself, but my family and therapist pressures me to date and socialize, which angers ...

A.   30 October 2017:  I don't think this has got anything to do with being old fashioned or frigid, - just with the mental health issues you are afflicted by, with no fault of yours, as a consequence of the trauma and the abuse you have been going through. It makes ... (read in full...)

I suffer from social anxiety and it bothers me that he leaves me alone with his mother!

Q.   I am in the best relationship I have been in, but there is one little issue... My boyfriend is 24 (I am 22). He is German and I often travel to Germany to be with him, usually staying 1-3 months at a time. The rest of the time I travel a lot for...

A.   30 October 2017:  Sorry, maybe I am being too rigid but I don't think that shyness and awkwrdness are a sufficient excuse for incivility. You go as their guest for 1-3 months at a time ( ! ) and can't, ( but I mean seriously " can't ", not just " prefer not " ) ... (read in full...)

How do we settle on the temperature issue? My partner and I find it difficult to adjust to each other's preferences

Q.   It's a bit of a funny thing that is becoming not funny really fast. Me and my partner have vastly different temperatures at which we are comfortable. It's especially pronounced at nighttime, as the temperature that makes him feel OK-ish feels ...

A.   30 October 2017:  If you were in a train or other public places, your husband would win , no contest :). The unwritten laws of etiquette say that the " cold " one dictates the temperature and if the window should be open or not.( I think it may be a remnant ... (read in full...)

My husband is inefficient and forgetful. How do I deal wth him?

Q.   My husband is inefficient, forgetful and I can’t count on him to get things done or remembering schedules. Any advice? Last week, he fixed something at work on Friday and spent the whole day playing games on Saturday. On Saturday evening we were ...

A.   30 October 2017:  The most logical step would be to consult his doctor. Extreme forgetfulness, lack of concentration, severe difficulties with time management and daily tasks in a person your husband's age ( not senile ) can be a symptom of a smattering of various ... (read in full...)

Why did he say he was disappointed?

Q.   I played a little joke on a sort of friend, who I deep down fancy, but haven’t told him.. On a hook up app their profile popped up so I messaged them sent them a few funny pics of people, told them I know them and that to find out who I am they hav...

A.   30 October 2017:  I would not look for deep, obscure meanings in what he said, I would take it rather literally. He is disappointed because he hoped that his secret admirer was some hot guy and he hoped the convo could prelude to some hot hookup, then find... (read in full...)

Why did this woman pass such a comment on my 'almost' boyfriend?

Q.   Hello. I'm a fitness model and I train at a studio with my friend who is also my trainer. We've just got involved together outside a business relationship. There's this other girl who he also trains. She's been with him almost as long as I hav...

A.   28 October 2017:  It sounds to me like an innocuous joke, and it's not that odd . She does not know that you and the trainer are dating, but obviously there's sexual tension between you, and when people are into each other they give away often very perc... (read in full...)

Do I keep trying to contact him? Or cut contact despite his debts to me?

Q.   Dear Cupid. I think I know the answer but I need some advice... So, I have been helping out an ex from seven years ago with rent while he's jobless for the last six months (He rents out a room in a house) (I offered to help him) on top ...

A.   23 October 2017:  Stop contacting him. Why, do you think that if you keep pushing , you'll see your money back ? unlikely. You have been trying to contact him for the past 2 weeks, and he has been ignoring you, and not even bothering to let you know when, or IF, ... (read in full...)

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