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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [201 pages, 7999 answers]

Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?

Q.   Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...

A.   19 September 2014:  I just would like to add : " if others can do it... " ( he can do it too ). 1 ) He can, but he does not HAVE to. Everybody have our different ways to show we care and to carry on a relationship and to express ourselves within it, why it has to b... (read in full...)

I'd like a bit more affirmation from her

Q.   I have been dating a woman for about 7 months. We seem to mesh in most ways but I could use a little more affirmation from her. Not long after we started dating she made the statement about how "sexy" the lead singer of a band was. Just recent...

A.   18 September 2014:  That's because you are automatically comparing yourself even when there's no rivality, - and you are comparing just in the area you feel insecure about. Why, if she has said " how good Mother Teresa was ", you'd take offence : " hey, I am a good... (read in full...)

I feel like I'm looking at a life-time of 'what he thinks is best'

Q.   I'm having some issues with my boyfriend and the decisions he makes. We've been together for three years. Last year I finished my undergraduate degree and moved to the city my boyfriend lived in to do postgraduate study while he finished his ...

A.   18 September 2014:  I see what you mean, but it's reversible. He wants things for himself, that you do not necessarily think are the best solution for you. He is just more proactive in going after them. You have conflicting plans / wishes / needs ( dreams . It's... (read in full...)

Am I Really Overrreacting or Is He in The Wrong When It Comes to Not Talking to Me?

Q.   Hello. I'd like to give a little background before any opinons are made so please bare with me. My boyfriend and I will have been together 3 years this coming October and we are both 22 years old going on 23. I have asked something like this in the ...

A.   18 September 2014:  Mine is surely not the opinion you want , and it goes against the grain of a world that lives plugged to FB and Twitter and all that as if they were on life support. Your bf is a sensible guy, who loves you plenty, shows it all the time when you ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend makes far more than I do but won't pay for my living expenses while I'm in college.

Q.   Please help. I am confused as to what to do. I'm not asking for a pity party. But, I am in nursing school right now at age 31 for 2 and a half more years. I already have my Bachelor's degree in elementary education but didn't make any money, and ...

A.   18 September 2014:  ... But , if I understood everything right , he CAN'T afford paying your living expenses ! If he brings home 3600 $ monthly, of which 1700 go to mortgage, plus 500, plus 300, plus the kid ( I imagine since he is having the child to himself most... (read in full...)

Why doesn't he see my potential? Is he sexist? Complacent about life?

Q.   I feel like my boyfriend doesnt understand one aspect of my life and I need help explaining this to him. I am going to graduate late next year with a degree in engineering. I have worked very hard with my school and it is because I want to provide ...

A.   18 September 2014:  He is neither . He just, as much as he loves you, does not think that the universe revolves around you, and that only your wants and needs count.His are to be taken into account too, and if you have to live together , a compromise has to be ... (read in full...)

Should I ask him out again? (While I'm still touring in his country)

Q.   There's this dude, let's name him T.(He lives in London while I live somewhere in Asia) We met in an online game a year back. We were sort of close, played the game together a lot. But after close to a year, he started playing lesser, and even...

A.   17 September 2014:  Total waste of time, IMO. It's no so much a matter of looking desperate , of which you could also decide you don't give a fig about. It's that silence speaks volumes, and basically ,he has already given an answer to the question you have NOT... (read in full...)

Was he insinuating he is not happy with his significant other?

Q.   I was talking to a man I know, and somewhere in the conversation he said his significant other always finds ways to comment on stuff and can't be quiet on any topic....she always has something to say. He laughed nervously but quietly while saying ...

A.   17 September 2014:  That's quite a bit of a stretch as an interpretation. I think he was just describing that person: an opinionated type, who always has her two cents to put in. For all you know , he might LIKE her more for that. It is a personality trait that... (read in full...)

My boyfriend won't give me money for an emergency, only advice!

Q.   My boyfriend doesn't help me in emergency situations when I need financial help but only gives me a bunch of advices. He spends a lot of money for himself to buy luxury goods like Apple IPhone 5 etc. Is he a good partner?...

A.   17 September 2014:  I don't know if he is a good partner, for sure he is a sensible guy ! You aren't married, you aren't engaged, you do not have kids together ( at least that you mention ). You are just dating, and next week or next month you might be broken u... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's female friend doesn't like me. What can I do?

Q.   I am frustrated with myself and my boyfriend. We were in a distance relationship but I moved to live with him about six months ago. Mostly it's been great. He has this female friend though. I've never felt that comfortable about their friendship cos ...

A.   17 September 2014:  You can talk to your bf, not to the girl. The girl is not obliged to become your bosom buddy too , just because she is friends with your bf. As long as she is civil, she can choose to keep to herself. And she could " respect your boundari... (read in full...)

Is my personal trainer interested?

Q.   Hello, Today was my third work out with my personal trainer, I didnt know this personal trainer since before. Last week on the second work out I saw him tickle his sensitve area a little now and then. I pretented to not see him dong it...

A.   17 September 2014:  Nope. He is being a personal trainer and doing his job. Personal trainers are routinely enthusiastic, motivating, personable, and , when it's the case, quite flirty. Their clients know that it does not mean anything but they like it so the PT k... (read in full...)

My heart wants to forgive him, I want this man in my life. My head says he's a scumbag.

Q.   I want to tell you all my situation. I have previously told about this but I left out key details as I didn't want you to tell me to leave him or that I was stupid. I am 21 years old, trainee doctor with a loving and secure family. I met my...

A.   17 September 2014:  That's really really a tough one. Normally I would advice a general , sensible rule of thumb : everybody deserves a second chance and nobody a third. So, if he is really repentant, you take him back, try and work through your anger and disa... (read in full...)

My husband looks down on me because I'm a housewife and he puts himself on a pedestal because he is the sole bread winner

Q.   I do everything I can to be a positive uplifting person for my husband. I Build him up always say I love you first and I am the affectionate one. He can be affectionate but only on his terms. I can never do enough to please him he is always ...

A.   17 September 2014:  Whom did you marry, Ricky Ricardo ? :) ... Ricky loved Lucy, no doubt. But always with a hint of contempt and of smugness, because HE was the talent and the breadwinner and she .. jsut a dumb housewife. That's why Lucy would always end up in some ... (read in full...)

Is the older guy I've been seeing really even into me? (a little explicit)

Q.   Hi everyone! So I have been seeing a new guy for about two months that I met online. He is pretty awesome, has a great personality, and is very handsome. He is about 15 years my senior (I am of legal age, 21), never married and has no kids. He ...

A.   16 September 2014:  Ok, I am going to look like really thick here, or maybe at my age I should know better, but I don't get how you cannot know if he has come or not, regardless of moaning, grimaces , and verbal cues. I mean- tryng not to be too graphic - if you use ... (read in full...)

I committed the ultimate sin of friendship and I slept with one of my bestest, oldest friends.

Q.   The other night I committed the ultimate sin of friendship and I slept with one of my bestest, oldest friends. I was the one who suggested it on a night out that ended up just us two - proposing we try a FWB type relationship. He was surprisi...

A.   16 September 2014:  I suppose talking to him won't hurt, after all you are good friends, you should be comfortable enough to exoress your feelings and emotions to him . Plus, it sounds like you have already decided , basically, and would not be able to NOT spill ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong? Pot calling kettle black?

Q.   Quick question. Am I in the wrong and he is right? I made a off hand comment to my boyfriend that men don't share their feelings (I was talking about a friend who is a guy, he seemed in a pissie mood so I asked him what was wrong to which he said...

A.   16 September 2014:  .. And I , on turn, agree with Honeypie . So it turns out that's all another story. The problem is not that you do not agree upon the definition if " emotionally open " ( upon which, after all, you can agree to disagree- you don't have to ... (read in full...)

Could the fact that the clique ignores me reflect badly on me at work?

Q.   what if you have not much in common with a popular work colleague? you are queiter but you have tried,are nice, say hi, ask how they are etc, I am not rudr, they are cliquey. they dont seem to want to talk to you, not bullying you.. and you ca...

A.   16 September 2014:  No, on a professional level, I don't think you need to worry at all. Unless it's some particular work environment where being a solid , close-knit team is very umportant, I don't think that management / work seniors even actually care or noti... (read in full...)

Yet another Christmas all alone. What do I do?

Q.   It looks like I am spending Christmas on my own this year as I am single, childless still since my divorce - so its just me and my dog! In the past I had Christmas's ruined by my ex husband and his family so now I am divorced I don't have that drama ...

A.   15 September 2014:  Oh sure. I have spent lots of single and / or alone Xmas days, and , let me tell you, I loved it. Where I live the only relative I have is my son and I made a point to pack him off to spend Xmas with his dad, even if maybe he was not that sold ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong? Pot calling kettle black?

Q.   Quick question. Am I in the wrong and he is right? I made a off hand comment to my boyfriend that men don't share their feelings (I was talking about a friend who is a guy, he seemed in a pissie mood so I asked him what was wrong to which he said...

A.   15 September 2014:  Well, I have to say that yes, in lack of other details, I think your bf is right. For all you know, your pissed off friend - or other men - does exactly like you do : he does not share the reason of his moods right away, while he is still upse... (read in full...)

I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!

Q.   A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...

A.   15 September 2014:  Anon male reader, you are making assumptions which are not necessarily true, about what the Aunts would answer if the same had come from a man. But anyway, you seem not to realize that it's never just the words which convey the meaning , it's ... (read in full...)

How can I let the anger towards him go away?

Q.   I know (or think) I don't love him anymore, but there is still anger towards him, because he didn't treat me right, partially it was my fault because I loved him and hoped one day he would love me too. We were friends, then we dated for a short ti...

A.   15 September 2014:  Ah yes, I remember you, the " impoliteness " girl. I think your anger comes from wounded ego ( no reproaches here, all of us have got egos, and all egoes get a little bruised at times ). What smarts is that he did not find you " good enough " for ... (read in full...)

His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!

Q.   I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...

A.   15 September 2014:  I get perfectly what YouWish says- I think the difficulty here is that we are trying to figure this situation out under the legal, or business, or commercial angle- when it is a gentleman's agreement, so the only rules which apply, intelligent ... (read in full...)

We're no longer together but I was offended by his actions

Q.   I went to a wedding recently with an ex bf. we didn't go as a couple but we went together because we were both invited, our mutual friends would be there as well. during the wedding I noticed him talking to this girl on the dance floor. then I saw ...

A.   15 September 2014:  OP, ... if he really cared about you, .. he would not be content with being your ex and / or just your FWB partner. If he cared, he'd want more than that. Should you be mad ? Well, you clearly are, and there's not much you can do about that, but ... (read in full...)

I hear less and less from my LDR

Q.   I really don't know whether to stay with my boyfriend. We're in a fairly long distance relationship, about four hours away, so it's not easy seeing each other. At first it was fine because we'd text and skype all the time, but recently things have ...

A.   15 September 2014: Eh... LDRs are hard to maintain in best case scenario, and at 16, it's sort of " forget about it ". You don't have the money, the time, and the freedom to go visit each other reasonably often, it's all WORDS, basically. You can't close the gap ... (read in full...)

I feel she was leading me on and then she pulled the carpet out from under my feet!

Q.   A long time female friend, (know her 50 years) and I both divorced. We date as friends. During one of our dates she talked about sex. She told me she hasn't had sex in 7 years. It kind of sounded like an invitation, so I asked her if she'd have sex ...

A.   15 September 2014: No OP, she did not lead you on, you did everything by yourself ! :). You have known her 50 years !, and you are going out AS FRIENDS . ( You sound like firmly friendzoned by now ). She chose to share personal info with you as a friend, not as a... (read in full...)

Should height be a factor in not picking someone?

Q.   Should height be a factor in not picking someone? There's a guy I went out with recently, cute, sweet, funny, and we got along fine it's just that he's so short. I mean I'm short too but he's like 2 inches taller than me and I'm 5'1 I love ...

A.   14 September 2014:  I don't think it's shallow - you've got to be able to like a guy also physically, at least somewhat . You are going to have to make love with him at some point, and you are not going to make love ( only ) with his wonderful sense of humour, or ... (read in full...)

What do you uncles and aunts mean when you say "children come first" if a childless person is dating or married to another person who has a child or children?

Q.   Hi. I'd like to know, what do the aunts and uncles and others mean when they say: "children come first" if a childless person is dating or married to another personwho has a child or children? Does that mean the person with children does not have ...

A.   14 September 2014:  Yes, obviously you have more obligations ( and you FEEL more obligations ) to your own flesh and blood than to someone else, who , no matter how lovable, has just waltzed in in your life, with the status of bf or gf, and could equally waltz away , ... (read in full...)

What does he want from me? I rejected his FWB request 3 times. But I do have feelings for him

Q.   Hello everyone, before asking my question, I'll give a 'little' background. I'll try to make it short :) Last year around winter I became closer to one of my friend's friend, and I fell in love, and after awhile he kissed me, and we started dating. ...

A.   14 September 2014:  Now, if he asked you 3 times to be his friend with benefits... what he could possibly want from you ... Uh... sex ? :) That you do become his FWB, or maybe even just an ONS ?. He keeps asking because he sees there's an opening, that yo... (read in full...)

I was ill so missed the party. Did I handle this badly? Is it justified if she's upset that I missed party?

Q.   Glad for this site and seeking some help. I think I may have messed up. My friend was having her birthday party tonight.I accepted the invite about a week ago via Facebook.We are pretty close friends. The venue for the party was being held at th...

A.   14 September 2014:  I don't think you handled it badly. If you fell ill last minute, it's not your fault, there was not much you could do about it. You had informed the hosts , if I understand correctly, that you were feeling under the weather, so not sure you could ... (read in full...)

He is always busy and I don't feel he prioritizes seeing me.

Q.   I have been seeing my fella for a year now and it's going ok, but we both have very busy jobs and he lives in another town from me,anyway I wanted to see more of him so I suggested seeing him on a Friday night but he couldn't because he had ...

A.   14 September 2014:  I think that would depend if the problem has already arisen and being discussed in the past, or if this is the first time- because I think everybody deserves a second chance , but nobody a third. In other words, if it's just a 2nd chance he asks... (read in full...)

His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!

Q.   I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...

A.   14 September 2014:  This is one of the very very very few times I disagree with YouWish- I think she is raising a moot point. I have no doubt that she is correct from a legal point of view, and I think that we all recognized already that , legally, the other girl ... (read in full...)

My ex says if I date before my kids are grown he'll keep my property

Q.   My last Question was in March about the living situation with my ex. Well the relationship could not be repaired and we went our seperate ways shortly after. We are still in contact having a child together, and we are in a legal battle over some ...

A.   14 September 2014: You already have got a lawyer to help you out, so basically you just need to heed his advice in ref. to this situation too and which would be the legal consequences for any given course of action. Said that, I think that your ex 's bark is wors... (read in full...)

Can my mom and her new husband really change my name? I don't want them to!

Q.   My dad die when i was ten, and for 2 years it was just me and mum. I still miss my dad. Mum made a new friend Dave, he is okay actually and i get along great with him. After a while we all started holidaying together and then Dave moved in with us. ...

A.   14 September 2014:  Yes she can. In Uk , if you are under 16 , your consent does not have to be given for your name to be changed. However, if you object to the change, you can apply for a court order to prevent hhe change, provided that the court is sati... (read in full...)

Did I push this man too much or did he just get what he wanted?

Q.   About four months ago a guy I knew from years ago became friends on facebook. We have mutual friends and I live abroad and he lives in my hometown. Immedtiately in becoming friends he told him he was separated from his wife and that he had a daught...

A.   13 September 2014:  It's not that you " deserved " to be ignored , as in : oh you bad bad girl, you have done something wrong and now you " deserve " to be punished with silence. It's that, the signs were all there that the most probable outcome was going to be t... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my hatred and bitterness towards women?

Q.   How do I remove my hatred and bitterness towards women for them expecting guys to make the first move? Doing the approaching and asking out, initiating/escalating, taking the lead? I hate this one sided dynamic with a huge passion, even though I am ...

A.   13 September 2014:  Depressed ?. That's a start . Part of what you feel may come straight out from your depressive state. Depression is a bad beast, but not incurable or unmanageable. . It can heal. I'd try and start tackling depression ( and its inherent, ... (read in full...)

His ex paid for his college and housing, now she wants him to do the same!

Q.   I’m almost 26 and my bf is 27, his ex is 29. A little background first; his ex helped him get through University as a full time student while she took care of the expenses of their house and his fees. When they split up after 6 years of relationship ...

A.   13 September 2014:  Call me crazy, but I see perfectly your bf's point and in fact I commend him for being an upright gentleman that can keep his word and committments even without being pressured to that by a lawyer / furious in-laws / a mafia hitman :) etc. ... (read in full...)

I need suggestions for convincing my purely orthodox Indian family!

Q.   im in relationship from past 3 and a half years..... and we want to get married.... my parents are not at all getting convinced for this... im facing lot of problems in convincing them bec my mom cries and my dad scolds me as its a question of pr...

A.   13 September 2014:  Contact mr. Sanjoy Sachdev at " Love Commandos " in New Delhi. It's a group of activists who run an organization to support psichologically, advice legally, and help practically couples like yours, who want to contract interfaith or intercaste ... (read in full...)

Did I push this man too much or did he just get what he wanted?

Q.   About four months ago a guy I knew from years ago became friends on facebook. We have mutual friends and I live abroad and he lives in my hometown. Immedtiately in becoming friends he told him he was separated from his wife and that he had a daught...

A.   13 September 2014:  I think his silence WAS his reply- yes, you were wasting your time, and he got all he wanted. I have to say that I feel he hasn't been particularly mysterious about his intentions. He told you he is not ready to date. He told you he is not l... (read in full...)

He rejected me but still flirts

Q.   My guy friend had rejected me and when he rejected me I was really devastated but know he flirts with me and when I wore pants with ripped knees he kept touching my leg and tried to put his fingers up under my pants where my pants were ripped and he ...

A.   13 September 2014:  Because you let him !, and because he knows that you'll let him since you've got the hots for him. He may not want you as a gf or as a date,... but touching a young fresh piece of female thigh is generally a pleasant,welcome activity for any you... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my hatred and bitterness towards women?

Q.   How do I remove my hatred and bitterness towards women for them expecting guys to make the first move? Doing the approaching and asking out, initiating/escalating, taking the lead? I hate this one sided dynamic with a huge passion, even though I am ...

A.   13 September 2014:  This will sound cruel, but some times you've got to be cruel to be kind ( or helpful ). Perhaps it's logic that's cruel. You've got Asperger's Syndrome. For you, it does not really matter if the woman initiates or not. ( Btw, that women ar... (read in full...)

Three years of emails and now he wants FWB?

Q.   When I have known someone for three years and there is no relationship. Just emails. Three dates for coffee and chatting. Emails only. Now he has indicated he can only be friends with benefits as that is the only thing that works for him he ...

A.   13 September 2014:  The Aunts are very nice- as for me I am not sure if I'd bother with the " thanks for the memories " email. Probably I'd limit myself to an essential " Sorry, not interested " and I'd move on, neat and surgical . I don't know if this was very lon... (read in full...)

Am I wrong to consider porn cheating?

Q.   So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years and the relationship is going pretty well so far. The only thing that really bothers me, and I have expressed myself, is the fact he watches porn on his days off while I'm at work. In my ...

A.   12 September 2014: Personally I do not think it's just like cheating. I'll give you a variation of Honepie's literary example : let's say you read a classic of English literature , " Lady Chatterley's lover ". Which is ridicolously tame by today's standard, and yet,... (read in full...)

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