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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [243 pages, 9668 answers]

Sick and tired of being the only responsible one

Q.   I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...

A.   7 November 2016:  It depends from where you live. With a bit of luck, you might not be obliged to go through a formal eviction process. Not ALL the States laws say that after living with you for a certain period of time, a person has the legal right to live there ... (read in full...)

I'm uncomfortable saying words about genitals. Help?

Q.   Hi there, I'm in my first relationship and have been for 18 or so months. I've got body dysmorphia and I'm waiting for therapy for it, but I'm ashamed of my body. I'm very introverted physically and I've only ever been naked with my current boyfr...

A.   7 November 2016:  Ah-ha, cherchez l'homme. So, it's the boy that would love a running commentary ? You don't have this terrible urge to liberate your inner fool-mouth, but you want to please him. Uhm. Call me thick skulled , if you want, but I still can't see why ... (read in full...)

Sick and tired of being the only responsible one

Q.   I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...

A.   7 November 2016:  You don't have to walk away. You have to put him out. By all means necessary. Call the cops if needs be !... (read in full...)

Why aren't my parents happy for me and my boyfriend? I feel like I just can't win with them

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 and a half months and things are going great. For the first time in a long time, I havnt been so happy. And my whole family can see that and have all told me that they are happy I found a decent guy. ...

A.   7 November 2016:  Grow a thicker skin ! And become a bit less emotionally dependent from your family's approval, and more tolerant too. As long as YOU are happy- they don't HAVE to be as deliriously happy as you are about your relationship or your boyfriend. ... (read in full...)

I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.

Q.   So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...

A.   7 November 2016:  He can very well miss you, at times, AND realize all tis is a waste of time and feelings, since things between you cannot change , so he tries to move on and keeps his distance and gets busy with his own life. Very wisely. Of course, there may ... (read in full...)

Am I crazy to think my abusive husband might change? I'm pregnant and don't want to break up

Q.   I have been married to my husband for 4 years now and we just found out we are pregnant. 8weeks along. He has been mentally and physically abusive in the past. He's locked me out of the house and I stayed with my parents for a long while. He has ...

A.   7 November 2016:  It has been told already, but it bears stressing it out again . Are you crazy ?... In short: yes !!, IF you accept endangering your baby because you are uncomfortable with making changes. This is not about only you . You are an adult , ... (read in full...)

I'm uncomfortable saying words about genitals. Help?

Q.   Hi there, I'm in my first relationship and have been for 18 or so months. I've got body dysmorphia and I'm waiting for therapy for it, but I'm ashamed of my body. I'm very introverted physically and I've only ever been naked with my current boyfr...

A.   7 November 2016: ... It's not mandatory ! maybe talking dirty is not your thing, does not turn you on- and there's nothing wrong or bad in that. It's like any other thing- some people like to have their nipples played with, others hate that, some women like to have ... (read in full...)

My sister in college is in a LDR spending all of her time trying to be with her boyfriend. Family is worried about her!

Q.   My sister is younger than me and just started college. Just before she left for college she got a boyfriend. I've never met him but he's met my parents and they say he is very nice. Now she is at college they are about hundreds miles apart and ...

A.   6 November 2016:  I am curious to know what you'd want her to do " on campus ". Join a sorority ? Pull pranks involving toilet paper rolls ? Party every night, and wake up with a massive hangover every day ? Get stoned ?, collect hookups like there's no tomorrow ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend using his health as a reason to be lazy

Q.   I've been dating my boyfriend for three years. In these past three years, he has not has a job, is extremely lazy, relied on me and family to support him. I was on the verge of breaking up with him, then he went to the Doctor's and said he was ...

A.   6 November 2016:  I don't see what the symptoms you quote , except for procrastination, have to do at all with being lazy . For instance I am a lazy person ( not pathologically lazy, not outrageously lazy, but yeah,... quite lazy )yet I am a very punctual pers... (read in full...)

Sick and tired of being the only responsible one

Q.   I am tired of being the only one responsible in our household. I have been with my significant other for almost 8 years. In this time, he's had 4 or 5 jobs, was unemployed for 99 weeks where he collected a check, and didn't have a job a couple other ...

A.   6 November 2016:  If you know what you need to do- then do it:). Are you looking for a bit of encouragement in order to proceed ? Heck, FWIW, you have mine and it's heartfelt - if I could be there , I would hold the door open for you while you put him out by t... (read in full...)

What do ladies think of men who shave everywhere because they are hairy?

Q.   What do girls feel about guys who shave their whole body neck to toe because they are overly hairy everywhere otherwise?...

A.   6 November 2016:  ... Masculine.. feminine ?.... This is not just about looks and tastes ! This OP, if I got it right is OVERLY hairy EVERYWHERE. Supposedly we are not talking just about your usual hairy chest - more like a Planet of the Apes general effect. In t... (read in full...)

My landlady still hasn't given me a lease to sign but is charging me extra rent for each time my boyfriend stays over. How do I handle this?

Q.   Hey guys. Never been in this situation before and could really use a second opinion or two. I moved into a houseshare with a live-in landlady at the beginning of last month. I started off renting a single room, for which my landlady had sti...

A.   5 November 2016:  I don't think it is unfair. Not very generous,yes. But not unfair nor illogical. You pay slightly more for the double bedroom because of the bigger dimensions and greater comfort, BUT for a single occupancy, as agreed initially. It's not havi... (read in full...)

Should I accept the new job?

Q.   Hello there, I work as a preschool teacher making 15/hr. Recently I graduated with a Bachelor's in my field of choice and began job hunting. The basic living wage (enough to afford a one bedroom) is 25/hr. But I applied for a job (working with au...

A.   5 November 2016:  Yes, accept it. It seems like the only positive thing un your current job is yoir colleagues- but maybe the new colleagues will be nice too :). And anyway you can always stay in touch with the old ones, you do not necessarily have to lose them ... (read in full...)

I heard talk that my FWB beat up his ex girlfriend

Q.   Is past abuse a deal breaker or red flag for sex buddies? I left my boyfriend because he beat me up. I do still love him and been trying to deny the really tight tramua bond I have with him. And now I guess I have a new sex buddy.He has been hel...

A.   4 November 2016:  Maybe he was cuddly cuddly and lovey dovey also with the girl he is rumoured having beaten up. They generally don't start by beating them to a pulp right off the bat !!... (read in full...)

If she liked me so much then why push me away?

Q.   Hey there everyone! Hope you all are well. I need some advice about a girl i met just over a month ago. So ill tell you abit about the situation. So i met this girl on a dating site and we basically hit it off quick. I mean like we both talked l...

A.   4 November 2016:  I am sorry, OP- to me it sounds as she is saying, basically, that when she met you she was down and feeling bad about herself and unfit to attract men ( Not surprisingly for a woman who is just out of an abusive marriage ). Then with your affe... (read in full...)

I heard talk that my FWB beat up his ex girlfriend

Q.   Is past abuse a deal breaker or red flag for sex buddies? I left my boyfriend because he beat me up. I do still love him and been trying to deny the really tight tramua bond I have with him. And now I guess I have a new sex buddy.He has been hel...

A.   3 November 2016:  That may be just a gossip or a rumour, but, if it turns out to be true- I agree with fem anon, yes it's a deal breaker; there are tons of men who never have hit a woman, and would never DREAM of doing it, so why not choosing among them. Plus... (read in full...)

Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?

Q.   I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...

A.   3 November 2016:  3 years that you don't see each other ??? then... he is SO messing with you. I was going to give him the benefit of doubt, meaning that not everybody is cut out for LDRs, they want to have one but then in practice they cannot handle it.... but ... (read in full...)

I've agreed to be friends, but he is pulling away from me.

Q.   So, there is this guy i used to deal with but now we are supposed to be friends. He has been begging me for friendship for the longest once we established that our relationship couldn't go any further due to our military rankings. Initially,, i was ...

A.   2 November 2016:  Oh but you can be in love with someone and push him / her away. Being in love does not necessarily makes you crazy or blind to the consequences. You can be in love and also somewhat able to keep your wits about you. Now, I know nothing abou... (read in full...)

If you find yourself having messed up badly, how can you stop beating yourself up? and will God or the universe send the right person(s) your way without you being prepared?

Q.   I met a great guy over a month or so ago and I blew it from the very beginning. I made a mistake by not respecting myself enough and made myself look like a low-value woman in his eyes by my actions and choices. I guess I didn't even realize my ...

A.   2 November 2016: Well, I respect your privacy and don't want to pry to know what is this " terrible " thing that you have done which ruined your chances right off the bat, but honestly it would have helped to know more or less what it was, because the way you ... (read in full...)

Should I tell him I'm thinking of changing jobs?

Q.   Dear Aunts/Unclesr Cutting a long story short. I met a guy at work. He started flirting. It was a while before I noticed him. I started flirting back then he went cold. I think because I was coming on to him too quickly as I was starting to fanc...

A.   2 November 2016:  I don't see what you would accomplosh by telling him that you are " thinking " of changing jobs. If he is keeping everything professional and he won't mix business with leisure- nothing will happen anyway until you are actually still working ther... (read in full...)

Will I ever be more than just a back up girl for him?

Q.   I have a guy who I've known for almost 7 years now and he lives 4 hours away.The thing is ,we have been on and off all this time.He is the one who leaves because the distance is too hard for him ..only to return months later when he misses me then ...

A.   2 November 2016: He is only 23. Now , it's not that just because a guy is young he must necessarily be a moron, or a liar,- but it's the very concept of " future" that does not match yours. For you, future means a programmable, measurable entuty : in 6 months, or o... (read in full...)

Can't decide over career or homemaker

Q.   So my boyfriend, successful with his own business thinks being a career oriented woman with goals is good, (adulting) and I think being a stay at home dog mom is good, where is the happy middle? :/ we are so different in this respect but we love ...

A.   2 November 2016:  Honeypie makes a very good point : you do not have much of a choice. If your bf admires career oriented women, and is not crazy about stay-at-home dog mums, I doubt he would be willing to make you 100% his financial responsibility. And even if h... (read in full...)

Did his remark mean if I gain weight he won't be interested?

Q.   Last year September my mother's sister who was very kind to everyone passed away. Her death left most of us stressed out because of that I gained a lot of weight and stopped looking after myself. I was also going through a terrible breakup with my ...

A.   2 November 2016:  Naaaaah - where did you take it from, that his comment is about your weight ??! He was just joking. He says , more or less, " I'll have to drawn my sorrows in alcohol, beer will help me to not miss you too much " Said in jest- he does not mean... (read in full...)

Has she blocked me and cut off all ties? She seems to have dropped off the face of the earth!

Q.   Okay i met this girl over a month ago everything was going great ! i found out the girl i was seeing was engaged or atleast that was what facebook said to her roomate who is a girl/her best friend. we had soo much fun together and the connection was ...

A.   2 November 2016:  Yep - she blocked you. She is engaged . She must have indulged a little whim with you, allowed herself a little diversion- then she regretted it right after. I know that you are disappointed, but, as N91 says, you have known her for so little t... (read in full...)

Why is he paying child support to his ex if their laszy 17 year old daughter is living with us?

Q.   I'm back again for more advice. A little update on my last situation because this kind of involved it. I am still with my fiance, although the wedding date is no longer may 2017. I felt like we have issues that need worked out before that happens. A ...

A.   1 November 2016: He is paying chid support wherever his child lives- because, obviously, that is what he was ordered by the Court to do. You do not fiddle with child support, you can't just decrease it or stop it only because in your opinion, or even objectively, ... (read in full...)

Is it a red flag if a guy online refuses to give out his contact information before meeting in person?

Q.   Is it a red flag if a guy online refuses to give out his contact information before meeting in person? I found this one guy online who seems to be exactly my type. We exchanged a few messages (he started the conversation) and then he asked me out ...

A.   30 October 2016:  I'll leave the answer to your question for other DearCupiders, - there are different school of thought about this anyway. What would be a red flag for ME , or at least a sign that he is going to waste my time , is that he did not get back... (read in full...)

Should I try dating her again? She's a good friend but she's played me in the past

Q.   I am unsure what to choose. I have know a girl for over 4 years. In the first year I met her, I knew she was seeing guys (mostly footballers), and basically having fun. I bided my time to wait until she stopped seeing guys and wanted something...

A.   29 October 2016:  Why wasting energies on proving her " wrong " ? She is not missing out on anything, from her point of view !- she likes footballers and you are not. If her dating measuring stick is " He must be a footballer ", ... tastes are tastes, I doubt you ... (read in full...)

I'd like to get to know this girl better but I'm unsure how to do this

Q.   I'm a guy, sophomore in high school, and took this girl to the homecoming dance. I asked her the night before just kind of randomly but she agreed to go so we went out to dinner and had fun at the dance. We spent the whole time there together and we ...

A.   28 October 2016: Lol ! I feel so dumb. I did not get why Netflix and pizza would be totally inappropriate, but most of all , why WiseOwlE is the one who can explain. Anyway, FWIW, I think Fatherly Advice just meant, more or less, that if you want to get to know... (read in full...)

Is it wrong for me to get my tubes tied and burnt not knowing what my future holds?

Q.   Dear Cupid,I am 45 years old my clock is ticking fast I have been in a relationship in many years I don't have health issues very healthy but I want my tubes tied but the the doctor says no I might meet a man who want a child but I don't want No ...

A.   27 October 2016:  No, female anon,only women can have their ( Fallopian ) tubes tied because it's a female organ only, men do not have tubes, they have seminal ducts that's another thing. OP,while I agree that no doctor should try and dictate your personal life... (read in full...)

My sister is aggressive and opinionated. Would it be OK if I skipped Christmas this year and stayed home to avoid my sister?

Q.   I'm having a dilemma over Christmas Day and I could do with some advice. I have a small family consisting of my sister, mother and grandmother. i didn't get on particularly well with my sister- we only see each other three times a year at family o...

A.   27 October 2016:  I see it a bit differently. Even the Antarctica can be conquered by a well equipped explorer :) It's only a few hours in one day of the year. Making an appearence at the family lunch won't kill you- maybe you can cut the ordeal short and quot... (read in full...)

Should I now offer to pay more rent when my mother come to live with us, temporarily? My mother and I will share a room

Q.   Hi! I'm currently living with two friends, but my mother is going to move in with us from another country, so we are all going to live together for a few months until my mother and I move to a place for just the two of us. Meanwhile me and my mo...

A.   27 October 2016:  Yes, you should offer. Your mother may also share a bedroom with you, but she will also be sharing , I suppose, all the common areas ( kitchen, bathroom, living room... ) and for months !, becoming, for all intents and purposes , not simply a ... (read in full...)

I cheated, ended things but not sure what to do now

Q.   Im married, with two kids. I did the dumbest thing in my life. I cheated on my wife after 7 years together. I was stupid, feel like scum and have this knot in my stomach that will not go away. To make things worse, I started with a condom and som...

A.   25 October 2016:  OP, how come you managed to father two kids without ever knowing that a pregnancy lasts 9 months, not 10 ? You must be a very absent-minded type... Anyway : you wonder how much this woman could wait to let you know, if she is pregnant . What abou... (read in full...)

One night stand with a long term friend leads to awkward!

Q.   Hi all I've been friends with A for about 10 years and due to various circumstances we haven't actually seen each other in person for about 5 years so all communication has been online. We are both very attracted to each other and went on a sort-o...

A.   25 October 2016:  I am not a guy but I don't find it weird either. You saw him Saturday, you posted on Monday. It's not weird not hearing from a friend for 48 hours. Unless you had assumed that sleeping together was authomatically going to change the status q... (read in full...)

Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up

Q.   Married ex who I havent seen for 12 years wants to meet up to catch up after reconnecting on facebook 2 mths ago, what does that mean? We werent really exclusive before, but just friends with benefits ( a lot of sexual connection between us) and ...

A.   25 October 2016:  Brrrr... don't even go there. He says he has no " bad " intentions ? It's a lie, what intentions could he have. Dusting up an old " friendship " ?... Yeah,.. because you were such great ,close, solid friends, ... that's why you haven't seen each ... (read in full...)

How can I cope with my sister in law?

Q.   I am really struggling to be civil to my sister in law. I have tried hard to include her, be involved with her and her child, offer to help out with her child, buy the baby presents etc. I have also regularly helped out her too. However she al...

A.   25 October 2016:  I agree with Anonymous 123 ; in fact , to be perfectly, honest I don't understand what situation you feel unable to cope with - you don't have a " situation ": it does not say anywhere that you must live in each other pockets' with your in laws, ... (read in full...)

Is she into me? I just can't tell?

Q.   Ok so there's this girl at school she's gorgeous, tries hard at school, works at the animal shelter, she's super nice, everything she does is just adorable, she's also really quiet and shy, she's the definition of an introvert. We're like opposites ...

A.   24 October 2016:  Oh yes, she is into you but she is like "the poor cat i'the adage " ( Macbeth ): letting " I dare not " waiting upon " I would ". Meaning, she is into you but, being a judicious girl, she realizes that you are very different in lifestyle , tast... (read in full...)

My ex flaunts his new g/f in my face but behind her back he's still in contact with me

Q.   I split from my ex earlier this year and found out two weeks later that he was already with someone else (although chances are that she was already in the pipeline). My ex has rubbed his relationship with his new partner in my face- even turni...

A.   24 October 2016:  If you are serious about moving on, you should not even think about stirring up trouble with the new gf, no matter if on her own interest . Move on for real. Call yourself out from THEIR business. Accept that you can't get " revenge ". Even if y... (read in full...)

I'm married to a mama's boy and its affecting our marriage

Q.   Just after opinions please... Ladies, would you settle down with a mumma's boy? .... Men, are you a mumma's boy and how does this affect your other half? The reason I ask this is because my husband is a mumma's boy through and through and it's...

A.   24 October 2016:  There may be more going on than what it's contained in your post, but just based on it, I have to agree with the others : he's not that bad :), I have seen and heard worse. There's a fine line between being a devoted, affectionate son and bein... (read in full...)

I was the first Gf he ever had. Is he now over me? Or is he protecting his feelings?

Q.   i was seeing this guy for a few months and it was going so well but we both knew that at the end of summer o had to go back to study abroad for 3 months. When I left I told him maybe we shouldn't try long distance because I really liked him and ...

A.   24 October 2016:  This sounds to me like a typical case of " out of sight out of mind ". People can be fickle, and many first loves are very intense in the moment- but also short lived. Don't be too surprised. Coherence and staying power are not their strong suit ... (read in full...)

How do I stop thinking about all the upsetting episodes from the past when I'm upset with my boyfriend?

Q.   Every time I'm angry or upset with my boyfriend I remember all the things about him that made me angry or upset in the past, and it makes me feel worse. E.g. I'm upset that he bailed the last minute when we had plans and I'm starting to think of the ...

A.   24 October 2016:  You are not alone and you are not a weirdo and it is great that you realized you have a problem with obsessing about past slights and you are seeking help for that. Hopefully CBR will give you the tools to handle differently your negative thoughts ... (read in full...)

I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!

Q.   I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...

A.   23 October 2016:  Anon female : temporarily dental floss , toothbrush and water will be fine. But I suggest you to PM me if you want more detailed advice or more gum care " tricks ", because we don't want to abuse of this kind OP's patience and... hospitality ... (read in full...)

Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?

Q.   Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....

A.   23 October 2016:  What curious answer, male anon. I have Jewish friends who made excellent wives and mothers, as for Jewish girls being great in bed, I have no idea, but I'll gladly take your word for that. So what ? ONLY Jewish girls make great wives, mothe... (read in full...)

Why would a guy keep his GF around if he had lost all sexual desire for her?

Q.   Can anyone especially men please give me some advice..I'll try+keep it brief... Basically would a man keep their girlfriend around in a serious relationship if they had lost all sexual attraction for their partner?... The reason why i ask is I'v...

A.   23 October 2016:  He COULD be depressed . When you are depressed having sex with a real life human being is absolutely draining, physically and emotionally,and the very idea, daunting. While one can still have the need and the energies for a quick, private hand job- ... (read in full...)

I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!

Q.   I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...

A.   23 October 2016:  Anon female : while some commercial toothpastes may contain chemicals which MAY cause problems to some individuals, do you know what is the number one, biggest, most common cause of gum disease ?.. It's poor dental hygiene. You do not see ... (read in full...)

Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion?

Q.   Hi, I am a Jewish white male. Is it "wrong" that I have a thing for females of a different race or religion? And girls - if you are a different race or religion, would you date a Jewish, or white man? Thanks....

A.   22 October 2016:  Obviously you never watched Seinfeld reruns :) Says George Costanza : " You've got Shiksappeal . Jewish men like the idea of meeting a woman that's not like their mother ". There's a huge literature ( part comedic, and part serious ) about ... (read in full...)

I’m disgusted by his personal hygiene!

Q.   I need to start by saying my boyfriend is usually wonderful. He is very sweet, generous and loving. But that just isn't enough. I feel so guilty to admit it, but he disgusts me. He always smells bad and doesn't brush his teeth or shower unless I ...

A.   22 October 2016:  Anon female: I would not laugh at a person who looks dirty or smells awful because of reasons like those you quoted. Neither, though ,I would chose them, or even less I would be OBLIGED to choose them , as partners for an intimate , physical ... (read in full...)

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