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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [204 pages, 8118 answers]

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   11 October 2014:  I don't know... MY hunch is that he does like you :)... it's just my hunch... Well yeah, maybe another guy would be more proactive, or would have already asked you out openly, but I figure that a math whiz kid, albeit cosmoppolitan and soph... (read in full...)

I'm afraid I'll push him away because of my long ago abusive relationship and it doesn't help that his family don't want him to be with me! Any advice?

Q.   I recently started a relationship with a guy, we've been going out for a month which although isn't long, I feel that I'm falling for him. He's so lovely, he works hard and really has ambition, he even makes an effort with my two children. He ...

A.   10 October 2014:  It depends from what you mean by " wrong ". I think you should strive for a balance between being optimistic and being realistic. AS difficult as this is. Meaning, try to enjoy the moment , and see how things evolve. You barely know this guy ( on... (read in full...)

He completely refuses to call me pet names!

Q.   My boyfriend refuses to call me pet names. I feel so unloved. Especially after sex. Does it mean he does not love me? I only asked him to do that after we make love. Not all the time but he refused. I feel put off having sex with him. Being ...

A.   9 October 2014:  I find a bit curious that you have got a bf who is living off you, and you worry instead about pet names. In a way I sort of admire him- he refuses to sing for his supper. He's a moocher with some integrity. Think how many guys would say to ... (read in full...)

Am I being silly expecting more time or at least once a week when I know how crazy his job is?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together a few months he is 37 I am 32. But, We have been best friends for 17 years. We love each other very much. We talk all the time he calls, I call there is no issue there. I don't question that or even if he will ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Probably yes. 13-16 hours a day 6 days a week ? no kidding ' ... then when he gets his free day , he's got to cram into it all he can't do during his work week, i.e., everything, basically. Shopping, cleaning,haircuts, seeing friends, repairing ... (read in full...)

He only lasts 3 minutes in bed so what did he do for 30 minutes with the prostitutes?

Q.   I'm still suffering emotionally and mentally in finding out about my husband going to prostitutes across 2 years , he was visiting a brothel , he says he was going about 1 month and says we had problems , then he says that it's because he was ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Maybe nothing . They charge 30 minutes anyway, whether the client uses them all , or takes a nap,or puts on his clothes and goes away after 3 minutes. Then again, I would not take as good as gold his word that he did not do oral with them... (read in full...)

I'm considering running away and getting pregnant to get away from my controlling family! They treat me like a child!

Q.   Am a 17 year old girl,i sudenly fell in love with a 20 year old guy,we,ve been so inlove bt the problem is my famile treat me like 10 year old ,they lock the gate at 18:00 i cannot even text my bf to tel him that i cannot meet up with him because i ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Pardon me, but that's the silliest thing I have read lately on DC - it shows that you ARE a teenager ( well, you are ) and not one of the most mature,as for that. So , you want to make a baby at 17... to be free ?... And to have more time to s... (read in full...)

I want to be a better boyfriend and be able to trust her again, how do I do that?

Q.   (Sorry for the length but I have to vent)... Me and my gf have been dating since we were 16, she was absolutely perfect, beautiful smart funny. Everything I've ever wanted! I've had girlfriends before but never as serious as her. She was very hes...

A.   9 October 2014:  That's the wrong question you are asking. A better one is, what can I do to get back an ounce of common sense and self respect and let go of someone who basically does not like me , does not respect me, and keeps me around just until she can ... (read in full...)

I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?

Q.   The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...

A.   9 October 2014:  In reference to Olderthandirt " cynical " comment : I want to say that actually his position is shared by a few MILLIONS of people in Oriental cultures, and objectively they do not seem to function worse than us for that. Most Eastern cultures ... (read in full...)

I've discovered what he and his mother think about me and it's very hurtful! I don't know what to do next!

Q.   My bf of 4yrs and I are currently on a sort of "break". It has been about a month now. The reason for the break is something very minor and working towards repairing our relationship. Today I logged into my other laptop and I realised that he...

A.   9 October 2014:  I think the real problem is not what mom said about you, it's what HE said about you. My impression is that there's never a lot of love lost between mother in laws and daughter in laws, they are like natural enemies, like moongooses and snak... (read in full...)

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   9 October 2014:  It seems to me that you are just developing a very normal crush. It may have started as admiration, but , after all, isn't that how all crushes start ? You admire someone because they have something that strikes you, that impresses you, whether ... (read in full...)

I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?

Q.   The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...

A.   9 October 2014: No, don't settle. For all the excellent reasons explained by my DC colleages, and for a simpler one , which I hope it does not sound jaded- because it's not, it's just true. Being married is not easy - it's not that bed of roses which seems from... (read in full...)

My girlfriend runs hot and cold. We are engaged but she has cut down the time we spend together!

Q.   hi im a gay woman in my 30s and engaged to my girlfriend who i dont live with but i do stay most nights and go home a couple of nights a week because she did want space and not to live together until were married which is all fair enough. i know all ...

A.   9 October 2014:  It means that you were spending way too much time together. She only said it seems like you are living together ? you are lucky, I think many other people could also feel as if they have on of those anklets on for electronic surveillance of ... (read in full...)

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014: I don't think you have offended anybody here and you surely haven't offended me , OP- all I am saying , is : he is coming into your turf , ... and he is supposed to show YOU around and entertain you and organize stuff ? How does that make sens... (read in full...)

Sometimes my boyfriend is a mean drunk!

Q.   My boyfriend is lovely 99% of the time but sometimes when hes drunk he can be mean. Not everytime but about 50% of the time that hes drunk he will say things as a joke but i think he means it. An example being at the weekend he said i had a fat ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Not to put too fine a point on it, but I think too that you are dating an asshole. He may be good 99% of the times but ... it's like ink in a glass of milk. It may be just a little drop, but it makes the whole glass unpalatable and undrinkable. ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her if she wants a relationship, or just be friends?

Q.   I'm divorced for 5 years. I'm looking for a relationship. I have a friend, a woman I've known for 15 years. I met her when our kids were going to school together. We've been dating, going out to dinner having drinks for about a year now, but she ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Now I am totally guessing here, it's just a hunch I have, but what I think it is that no, she is not interested. She sounds like a woman who wants companionship, and wants the chance of having MALE attention and a MALE date, every now and ... (read in full...)

Do I have a problem, and should I confront my husband about it? Am suspicions that he's cheating, but have no proof.

Q.   A few months ago I posted about my husband coming home from a branch office visit for day (the branch was closing down) and I saw long scratch marks down his arms and small bruises around his wrists. They scabbed over and the marks were there for ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Personally I do not believe in ghosts nor in ghost scratches - nor in the Loch Ness monster, as for that - so I don't care if they are popular in I-net and they come up one zillion of times, I still would feel that my intelligence has been ... (read in full...)

I am starting to wonder if he will ever propose!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am watching everyone I know get engaged, married and have children and I am starting to wonder whether he will ever propose. I want a family life with children, so I cannot accept a life without ...

A.   8 October 2014:  The length of time in a relationship is not a good measurment of when a person should get married ?... Perhaps. In theory. In practice , any sensible person who loves somebody AND believes in marriage, reaches their " pee or get off the pot ... (read in full...)

Whose comb was it at my Bf's place? Can it really be that he has no clue?

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles. I feel a little wierd asking this question as though I shouldn't. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. We have an amazing relationship and we're going for the longterm talking about marriage and working on building ...

A.   8 October 2014:  If he does not use combs , and he does not own combs, that must be somebody else's comb ( brilliant deduction, eh ?:). But why does it have necessarily be a secret mistress's comb ?. It could belong to anybody, any visitor, friend, relative, ... (read in full...)

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014:  I am not sure what's your complaint about exactly . He did book his flight , departure and return. And I suppose he is staying at your place during his visit. Or else, he will have already arranged his accomodation elsewhere. What else is ... (read in full...)

I'm still thinking of my ex even as I'm worried about developing feelings for my potential FWB! Advice?

Q.   Hi! :) hey... I really need your advise on something that's been bothering me almost this whole year...I've asked people but most of them just brush my issue away,and advise me to just move on..but its not an easy thing to please do help me ...

A.   7 October 2014:  If you are intersted in / you are developing an emotional connection with the new guy, you are wasting your time and looking for trouble, because he made clear that's NOT the emotional part that he wants ( he does not believe in love anymore blah ... (read in full...)

I extend the hand of friendship, but they do not reciprocate.

Q.   Dear cupid, I am not sure what to do about friends/acquaintances coming into town. Should I let them stay at our flat or just give them the brush off? I should start by saying I am in the performing arts or use to be with my DH and I am not much...

A.   7 October 2014:  Twentyfive days ? my, you are the gracious host. I don't know if I would put up my MOM 25 days- it's a long time. Anyway, no I would not bother and no regrets. They do not consider you friends, they do not reciprocate, the interest is one side... (read in full...)

They all lose interest after I sleep with them

Q.   I have been trying to meet someone to have a relationship with for quite a while now. I don't have any problems meeting men both online and in real time; however when ever I do start seeing someone I find attractive and seem to get on well with it ...

A.   7 October 2014:  But if you only want sex within a relationship, why then do you sleep with men before you are sure you know you are in one ( r/ship ) ? If you want sex within a context of trust and committment, why don't you wait for the trust and committment ... (read in full...)

Disappointed that I had a lesser role at wedding of my cousin. Should I tell the bride how disappointed I was?

Q.   I can't help but feel a bit hurt over my cousin giving a more important role at her wedding and more thanks/attention in general to her best friend. My cousin made her best friend her maid of honor, and me her matron of honour. I thought it was s...

A.   7 October 2014:  Oh no, don't say anything. It would be petty. You don't really want to spoil one of the best times in her life ( the honeymoon phase ) by making this all about your hurt feelings, do you ? 1 ) Don't take it so personally- you are blood bu... (read in full...)

Engaged for a year. Yet he's rarely in the mood for sex. Has our relationship run it's course?

Q.   I have been engaged to my man for almost a year. We dont go out anymore and sex that only happens when i throw a fit. He always says his back hurts but when it's work he is out the door no problem. So all im good for is to wash his clothes and...

A.   7 October 2014: Well, call me gullible, but haven't you thought that he may actually have a bad back ache ? When it's work he's out of the door... maybe also because he has no choice, I guess. If he does not work he does not get paid,does he. Or, he has all the ... (read in full...)

He's a childhood friend. Yet due to his Gf's request he is now snubbing me. How do I handle this?

Q.   I know this might seem trivial, but this has been bugging me. A childhood friend of mine has just randomly started ignoring me. We were such good friends in high school, and although we fancied each other for years nothing actually happened beca...

A.   6 October 2014:  I can sort of see the Gf's point. That's not just your " childhood friend " ,this is your old crush. You mutually fancied each other for years, -just did not choose to make it physical for whatever reason , but the attraction was there, so y... (read in full...)

I feel stuck and miserable in this town. Is there anything I can do?

Q.   I'm about 20 years old now. I've been married since I was 18 and I'm pregnant with my second child. My husband is amazing, has a great job, and our relationship is just fine. My problem is, shortly before our first was born, we moved to a new state. ...

A.   6 October 2014:  No, OP, I don't think that they are " judging " you for being young, married with children - if you talk about people more or less you age, it is that you don't have much in common in terms of lifestyle, you have made a different choice than ... (read in full...)

Have I ruined things for him?

Q.   What do I make of this? I've been with my partner for 5 years we had a son together. He had to move for work and things got rocky with the distance and he eventually told me he had met someone and had been seeing her for a few months without tell...

A.   6 October 2014:  You've got too many scruples. Of course he had to choose, and of course you were entitled to MAKE him choose if he had not made up his mind yet. You have a son together, it's a family. At some point he needed to choose whether he wanted to salv... (read in full...)

If I have a healthy libido then why does my husband need to masturbate?

Q.   I have discovered that my husband has started masturbating and lying about it. I feel puzzled because I have a healthy libido and he knows it. Why would he do this? Is this a sign of trouble ahead? We have been married for two years. ...

A.   6 October 2014:  I think he lies about it- precisely because of the way you take it. As if it's something weird, innatural, that requires complex explanations or justifications. The fact is - confirmed by creditable scientific research , not based on pers... (read in full...)

How do I stand up to this? she won't ever do anything I want to do, but expects me to follow her plans

Q.   Ok, so I really need help with my girlfriend. We're been together a long time, met at uni about 7 years ago. We live together and have recently moved into a new house. I've suddenly had a realisation that she's super selfish... I think... Esse...

A.   6 October 2014:  I must admit that personally I don't much get the concept of " taking one for the team "- unless exceptionally and if strictly necessary. Like, I don't know, attending with my partner a wedding where I'd be bored, but my absence would be comm... (read in full...)

Is my husband of 20 years getting ready to have another affair?

Q.   my husband has contacted an old flame on facebook said he has been very happy with me, but after 20 years things are not what they used to be. He told this person he has been searching for her for 20 years and has never been so happy to see anyo...

A.   5 October 2014:  Yeah well- it sounds like he wanted to get through clearly the message he'd be visiting ALONE, without his wife. So that she would NOT think it would be just a friendly catch up. And : " ... the next move is up to you " ?.. Who talks this... (read in full...)

I thought it was a relationship, but he was just "test driving the car"!

Q.   Dear cupid.. Did I over react? I was talking to my bf the other night, and we talked about sex in relationships and I was saying how I prefer to wait until its been a little while in a relationship before sex. So as to get to know the other person. ...

A.   5 October 2014:  I'd be a bit more lenient with the guy than most posters, because to me ( of course it's just my guess ) that is mostly a case of foot-in-mouth. In which he did not mean anything evil or anything too different from what YOU meant, it just came out ... (read in full...)

My 17 year old niece was extremely rude to me

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound trivial but it is really upsetting me lately. My niece is 17 and throughout her teenage years she has been a typical sulky teen. However since her 17th birthday she has been downright rude to me. She lives in another ...

A.   5 October 2014:  Yes, she is your 17 year old niece, you CAN ignore her, because that's the way she likes it at her age and stage. You can be there for her , if she needs advice or to confide you something she is not comfortable sharing with other adults, or ... (read in full...)

I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave, but how can I make him see what a monster he is when he's drunk?

Q.   My fiance has a binge drinking problem. When we are on a night out, its as if he just can't get enough and he doesn't know when to stop. He blows all our money on it too! And he gets violent.Last night, he was invited with me to a function and I was ...

A.   4 October 2014:  You can't. And you should not want to. Because if you are not totally out of your mind, you do not want to date a monster, even a part- time monster, an occasional monster, an once-in-a-blue-moon monster. Women date men. Not monsters. OP, par... (read in full...)

My mom is going to visit me but I cant stand the way she constantly criticizes me. How do I handle her?

Q.   My mother and father are visiting my brother and his family today and tomm its my turn, they will be staying with me. I live alone. They live interstate and I see them maybe twice a year, I enjoy catching up with them, and we mostly get along, a...

A.   4 October 2014:  Ignoring the comments does not sound like such a nad soltion to me. Since you see your parents so seldom, I'd try to take a deep breath and tough it out. You want to focus on the GOOD part of this visit , you want to make it- as much as possible - ... (read in full...)

Should I change my style of dress for my boyfriend who says I'm too old to wear certain things ???

Q.   I just recently found out that I am the oldest women my boyfriend has ever dated minus his ex wife who was 5 years older than me. I have been dating my boyfriend 6 months and he has already said he loves me and I don't doubt that he dose , but I ...

A.   4 October 2014: My dear, you can SO compete with 21 and 22. When I was 30,ahem, modestly ... the young ones were eating my dust :). Although, there's not, or there should not be , "competition " in love. He likes you because you are you, .. with the age spot... (read in full...)

Started well, then went to sporadic contact. What next? Should I call him out? Is he playing games?

Q.   What happens next? I was dating a guy for about a month, consistently and it seemed like there was potential to go somewhere although he was hesitant and has never been in a serious relationship. We had a great fifth date, then he went missing...

A.   3 October 2014:  Well, technically he did not " make plans ", he never said , then Thursday at 7 p.m. in front of restaurant X. He said " I'll be in touch " ( implied- if I am still free, nothing else comes up, etc. ). So, technically, he has not stood you up. ... (read in full...)

What makes a person interesting and why are some people ignored?

Q.   what makes a person interesting? Im an accepting and kind/caring person, Im quieter, single,a few friends who I see occasionally but are often very busy, but I enjoy conversation one to one and in small groups and I can be quiet assert...

A.   3 October 2014:  I posted before seeing your update and... that may be part of the problem. The way you see yourself. You call yourself a " freaky spinster "... you SEE yourself like a " freaky spinster "... ( YOU are insulting yourself ! ). If deep down you... (read in full...)

What makes a person interesting and why are some people ignored?

Q.   what makes a person interesting? Im an accepting and kind/caring person, Im quieter, single,a few friends who I see occasionally but are often very busy, but I enjoy conversation one to one and in small groups and I can be quiet assert...

A.   3 October 2014:  1 ) I am not going to lie to you, if you are shy and withdrawn that penalizes you. It may be unfair, then again life is unfair. Being a good listener makes you a good person, not necessarily an interesting one. An interesting one is one who can ... (read in full...)

The girl I met online asked about my sexual past. I answered truthfully and now she's gone quiet!

Q.   I met this girl online, really like her n she's 18 n im 23 almost 24. she says she's a virgin although I did not expect that i was really happy. she seemed shy to ask questions so i told her to ask anything on her mind n i won't lie. which i didn't. ...

A.   2 October 2014:  Yeah well, first thing I thought too is that it could even be one of those " Catfish " situations and " she " is a he that's sounding you off for wanking material. I mean, it sounds strange to me that she is a shy virgin 18 y.o girl who does... (read in full...)

For his birthday I'm going to tell him 101 things I love about him

Q.   Hihi! My boyfriend's birthday is coming up.... I'm making like a 101 things I love about you in a jar... Do you think it's a good idea??? Do you think he'll like it??? :O I have to give it to him earlier than his real day as we are gonna be on a ...

A.   2 October 2014:  I am afraid Chigirl is right. I mean, it's a lovely idea, sweet and thoughtful, but if the boy is your age... he may just feel awkward and embarassed, rather than moved. I think a boy of 13-15 does not have a lot of interest/ tolerance for ... (read in full...)

Living with my husband's family is putting stress on our marriage!

Q.   Hi Aunties,My relationship with my DH went from us being happy and ignorning all of the conflict around us, to him and I arguing about his parents. We live with his parents and sisters so we can save money for a house of our own. His father holds ...

A.   2 October 2014: Didn't you say you are moving out very soon ? ...That should help you manage your frustration. Anything unpleasant, even VERY unpleasant, can be weathered out if you know it's just temporary and there's a change coming soon. Make that " soon " .. a... (read in full...)

The guy I like has an obvious type, and I'm not it. Should I ask him out anyway?

Q.   I fancy someone I know, but his taste in girls is so different to me I'm wondering if it's worth going for it or if I should leave it. He's not my usual "type" (I usually date guys who are quite similiar to me, but he's the stereotypical very ...

A.   2 October 2014:  Why not ? You too, usually don't go for people like him, yet this time you do. People are more multifaceted than we make them , he may be multifaceted too. ( As proven by the fact that he is the "stereotypical very academic type of medical student ... (read in full...)

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