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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [206 pages, 8186 answers]

Is chocolate syrup safe to use with condoms?

Q.   For years I have used chocolate syrup on condoms to make them more palatable for girls who don't like the taste of latex in those situations where one of us (or both of us) insist on using a condom for oral sex. It seems to serve the purpose. ...

A.   25 October 2014: Yes, all oil based products may deteriorate latex and break it down quite fast, so do not use chocolate syrup on a condom. Buy, instead , flavoured condoms, they are available in various tastes ( mint, chocolate, strawberry, etc. Rven bacon !, I... (read in full...)

He lied to me and now I can't just forgive and move on

Q.   I really need help. My boyfriend and I had been friends for a couple of years before dating. He had asked me out several times but I always declined. Mostly because I was in an on and off again relationship at the time and did not want to get him ...

A.   25 October 2014:  I don't know OP, ...IMO, either way back then you were just friends ( although with benefits, since occasionally you were sleeping together ). Ergo, what he did in the caribbean was not even really your business to begin with . OR, you were boyf... (read in full...)

If he cheats to be with you, does that mean he will 100 per cent cheat ON YOU?

Q.   Hi everyone. I have been dating a married man for almost a year and a half. He does have genuine feelings for me and we have great sex and chemistry and a good friendship. He is comfortable with his wife and not leaving. I am not totally okay w...

A.   24 October 2014:  Interesting, how often OPs do it: omit in the main post relevant details that would change completely the perception of their story by the readers, and the readers' answers. Well, I suppose everybody has got the right to tell their story as they ... (read in full...)

If he cheats to be with you, does that mean he will 100 per cent cheat ON YOU?

Q.   Hi everyone. I have been dating a married man for almost a year and a half. He does have genuine feelings for me and we have great sex and chemistry and a good friendship. He is comfortable with his wife and not leaving. I am not totally okay w...

A.   24 October 2014: I can only think of one thing that's always 100 percent sure to happen, and this is death ( sorry for the gloomy reminder ). For all the rest, go figure, it's difficult to work out an exact stat with risk percentages, precisely because not all men ... (read in full...)

Is this a normal part of aging for men?

Q.   My spouse is a few years older. We have an active sex life, but however, there are times that he has a hard time reaching an orgasm. Is this a normal part of aging for men? Is there any lubricant or any recommendation that will assist him in ...

A.   24 October 2014:  He should discuss this problem with his urologist, or , better, his andrologist, and they may have suggestions about what will HELP improve things. But, basically, getting " frustrated " about that it's a bit like getting frustrated because his ... (read in full...)

Things he's told me about his past make me question whether I want to be with him

Q.   I am upset because of my boyfriend's past. He is much older than I am. I am 30 and he is 51. We have been together for three years. We have had completely different lives. It makes me wonder why we are together. I already knew that he had been with ...

A.   24 October 2014: Yeah that would make me very uncomfortable too . Of course you can't crucify people for mistakes which they did 20 years before, bt, apparently, he does not even SEE this as a mistake, just as a funny anecdote. And of course people can change in ... (read in full...)

Should I de-value myself and have sex with someone who doesn't respect me just because I need sex right now?

Q.   A guy and I had agreed to have casual sex before the holidays. We agreed on coffee first to get to know each other, a sleepover to somewhat test compatibility, then sex. A lot of it. He wants to keep it monogamous, and the order of this was his idea ...

A.   24 October 2014:  I think I would give it a miss. He does not seem too bothered with you. Yes, he was busy, but somehow people have this nearly magical ability to make themselves un-busy when they think it's worth the pain- when there' s enough interest, ... (read in full...)

I'm interested, but she's cancelled twice in a row

Q.   met a nice girl. went out for dinner, both said we had a nice time and wanted to meet up again. So arranged a time and place - we both sounded positive in communication etc. But the day before she said she had to postpone - concentrate of h...

A.   24 October 2014:  I agree with Honeypie : give her the benefit of doubt and one more chance. ONE. It is true that life gets very hectic and complicated at times, - reason for which she gets the third and last chance, then again yes, she does not sound very keen... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   23 October 2014:  C'mon, OP, don't be chicken :). If it happens it happens, but maybe you can give a little push to destiny . You have the best excuse ever, you are a hockey fan so I suppose you know about the game and can speak about it competently . Take this ... (read in full...)

Do I have the right to be mad at her for reading my diary?

Q.   So i have this friend who i was really close to but now she has done something that i don't think i can forgive her for. We are both holiday reps working abroad and for the last six months we have shared an apartment. She has always been my best ...

A.   23 October 2014:  You have every right to be mad at her ! some friend, she is. First she butts into your private life, what business is of hers if you have slept with guy X or not ? Unless the guy was her husband ! Ok you are best friends and roommates, so pret... (read in full...)

Is this a normal part of aging for men?

Q.   My spouse is a few years older. We have an active sex life, but however, there are times that he has a hard time reaching an orgasm. Is this a normal part of aging for men? Is there any lubricant or any recommendation that will assist him in ...

A.   23 October 2014:  Yes, it is normal. Aging changes sexual response in both genders. Some men may have trouble in reaching or maintaining an erection, some have " softer " erection than when they were younger. Some have less contractions durng orgams, ... and some... (read in full...)

I no longer fancy my wife

Q.   Hi all, I am in my 50's been married 25 years got two great kids , grown up, mootgage payed blah blah but just hate my life My wife does a lot, cook, wash, iron that's it, a housemaid She is lazy, layback, won't communicate with me. My life is c...

A.   23 October 2014:  Yes, you have lost your plot. And your capacity to perform very simple calculations. Good thing that you don't want a housemaid. Because probably you could not afford one, if you should hire somebody else doing all which your wife does for your... (read in full...)

Lost him after 8 1/2 years overnight

Q.   8 1/2 years we were together through all kinds of troubles but after 8 1/2 years he ended it in a cruel way. I think he planned ahead. Came to my house took things he hdId for and ended it by telling me I was selfish stubborn ect.... I was in shock ...

A.   22 October 2014:  Dear lady, give us some credit, will you. I don't think anybody who said " he does not want you any more " said it in the spirit of " nyah nyah nyah , eat your heart out ! ". They said it to underline how you are most, most probably just flog... (read in full...)

I'm in love with him but there's another woman in his life

Q.   dear cupid am dating a man I met and dated two years back we broke up that time and I got married to another man, now my marriage did not workout so am single now and this man I knew before has asked that we be together again, I have fallen inlove ...

A.   22 October 2014:  OP, did you even consider the possibility that he's telling you a lot of BS ? " My wife does not want to have sex with me " is a variation of " My wife does not understand me ", in the typical vocabulary of the typical cheating lieing bull... (read in full...)

He's like drug, I can't help myself, so does this mean he is the one using me?

Q.   What's wrong with me? Iv been seeing this guy for 2 years now. Hes 21 and I'm 25. Everything has been great moved in.together its good. Recently a old friend with benefits got in contact, saying he really wanted/needed to see me. I have known him ...

A.   22 October 2014:  If he was the one, he would not be with another woman , don't you think ? he would make sure to make himself single and available so you could leave your current bf and live your " love " in the open. Variation : he would DEMAND that you leave ... (read in full...)

Can soul mates find each other at such a young age?

Q.   Hi there people, I was just wondering is it possible to meet your soul mate in school. I have been with my boyfriend 7 years (since we were 15). We have an amazing relationship i really couldnt complain. We both have good career paths hes a proje...

A.   22 October 2014:  That's a bit like asking : do people really win the lottery ? Do people really survive a shark attack ? Of course they do ! Just... not many, really. I don't think people are really sniggering or patronising you- they just can't help being re... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   21 October 2014: No no, OP, maybe I did not express myself clearly. I did not mean that it does not sound true, or it can't be true . My point was another , the following : so this girl had a secret boyfriend. You did not know she had a bf, and the other st... (read in full...)

Boyfriend went away on a trip and I am upset it was not a long, romantic good bye like I expected.

Q.   My boyfriend went away with his family for a couple of weeks on a holiday. Before he left, he kissed me on the lips. That was it. We talked for 45 minutes first. He was joking and playful with me. Generally seemed happy to be with me. He kissed me...

A.   21 October 2014:  YES ! BIG TIME !:) Unless there's something that you did not say and that gives you a reason to worry. Like, he has a story of vanishing suddenly from your radar and then reppearing. Or, of breaking promises, says he'll call then he never does... (read in full...)

He said he liked me and was going to ask me out but then asked out another girl instead!

Q.   So I have been talking to this guy, and he was honest about liking me and this other girl, he told me I was the one he chose and how it was going to be me, and then he asks out the other girl and I really started to fall for him and his been my ...

A.   21 October 2014:  You Wish just stole the words from my mouth. Particularly for the " best frend " bit. Ah yes, what a good friend. He hears a rumour about you, ...and he believes it on principle. Somebody said it... so it must be true. He did not even bother to ... (read in full...)

I gave an ultimatum to my boyfriend: start talking about your feelings or lose me.

Q.   So, i've been searching on google about giving ultimatums and all of them are related to getting married and stuff. Mine is way more simple. Basically, our stone in the path of our two year relationship has been his constant closure towards love and ...

A.   21 October 2014:  No, you are not screwed. This may be an excellent occasion to realize that a ) it's not all about love feelings and attraction- with the best feelings and the best intentions, if you are incompatible... well, you are incompatible - or- b ) that you ... (read in full...)

Is it shallow to want to break up with someone because they lack intelligence?

Q.   It's is shallow to want to break up with someone because they lack intelligence? I'm having a hard time being in this relationship because my boyfriend's lack of intelligence and common sense. His decision making is poor, and his mental capacity is ...

A.   21 October 2014: Are you sure he is not on drugs ?... The forgetfulness, the need for cash, the inability to explain were the money has gone... ? Anyway : no, I don't think that " shallow " has got anything to do with one's need for having a partner with an aver... (read in full...)

A friend thinks I have a crush on her ex but I don't

Q.   Ok, so i have a crush on this girl 'S', but she knows and now she has decided she hates me. There is another girl, 'A', who is one of both mine and 'S's best friend. Now she thinks i have a crush on her and told a couple of people this, includin...

A.   20 October 2014:  I am curious, how did that happen ?... How do you ask somebody out " accidentally "?! Anyway, don't panic. If you have changed your mind ( whether you have realized that you don't really want to go out with A, or that your accidental date wou... (read in full...)

I like my job but my boss and I just don't seem to click. Suggestions to improve things?

Q.   My boss is very young (24) and new to the boss job (but not new to the workplace, shes worked here 3.5 yrs) shes good at her job, is lucky to have it at her age, and I dont dislike her but wondet why shes so cliquey, her age maybe? shes supe...

A.   20 October 2014:  I don't think you have anything to worry. Of course you are not leaving, why should you ? Do no evil, fear no evil. You are being polite , professional and doing a " not bad ", " average " ( your words ) = acceptable job. On turn, your boss is n... (read in full...)

Wondering what might have been. Do you think he regrets that he was rude to me? Or has he moved on?

Q.   I met a man last year who expressed interest in me. To say we met at the wrong time is an understatement. When we met, I worked for a bully boss and helped take care of my ailing grandmother. Very stressed out during that time. I have since f...

A.   20 October 2014: That's really a question for a mindreader :), because ,after all, nobody can know what's actually going on inside his head, so our guesses are no better than yours. My guess is that, no, he does not particularly regret anything, based on thre... (read in full...)

Should I go for it or not? He knows I found him attractive in his youth, but he's not as attractive any more.

Q.   Dear Cupid, There is a guy I have met on Facebook - who was absolutely gorgeous looking a few years ago. He wants to meet up with for a possible relationship - but the thing is - he is now middle aged and not looking half as good as in his youth...

A.   20 October 2014:  I am lazier than the anon reader :) and personally I would not bother. If you already know that he looks not even half as good as he was when you were attracted to him, that means that now you'll be less than half attracted to him than you were and ... (read in full...)

Do you think his expectations may include sex on this fun weekend he's arranged?

Q.   Hi. I'm getting a divorce and incidentally met a very old colleague from about 15 ago. He's invited me to join him in another city to watch a big football game and generally a weekend together which I accepted. He's booked the hotel, I haven't...

A.   20 October 2014:  It quite possibly might be. As the other poster suggests, make sure to check what kind of accomodation he has booked for you, and do not be shy in asking for changes if it does not suite you. It's less awkward doing it now, before you leav... (read in full...)

How should I apologize to my Bf? I spoke to him harshly about his video game playing

Q.   Hey everyone My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months and we do fight occasionally. Yesterday however i accidentally blurted out "Fine go play your games that seems so precious to you" and I really didn't mean to say that. It's video ...

A.   20 October 2014:  I think HE should be apologizing to you for minding his videogames while he is supposed to talk / skype with you his Gf ! I know that someone in your age range won't see it this way , but that's the height of rude and it's not Ok ,either with... (read in full...)

How long is the average time people date before getting engaged?

Q.   How long is average for people to date before the get engaged? I am curious because one of my friends met a guy and married within a year. One of my friends got engaged after a year and married within another six months. Another got engaged three ...

A.   20 October 2014:  FWIW, I don't know about Australia but there's a recent sudy ( 2011 ) which says the average dating time in USA before official engagement is 2.8 years. Another says 2.4 years. Not a big difference. It would seem that THE moment ( if we have... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   20 October 2014:  Eh "the fire she is in ".. and the brimstone .. :). OP, let's not exaggerate. You sound like a very considerate friend and she is lucky to have you, but do not feel bad for also thinking about yourself. If you need to ask her something, then ask ... (read in full...)

Why is my SO using It's Complicated as his FB status?

Q.   I have been involved with a man for a year and a half. We stay at each other's place a lot. We are in a loving relationship. This is embarrassing to admit, because we are both in our forties, but his Facebook status bothers me. He leaves i...

A.   19 October 2014:  I think it means he does not want to officially admit he is " in a relationship ". It may be that you are and feel more committed to him than viceversa . He does not even want to say that he is single, though- it's obviously not true and peop... (read in full...)

I need to smoke weed for medicinal purposes but my boyfriend doesn't like this!

Q.   I have a problem because i fell in love with a guy who thinks weed is bad and i need to smoke because i have nervous problems and severe depression and fibromyalgia pain all over my body. and when i smoke weed i dont feel sick or nervous i can eat ...

A.   19 October 2014:  If you live in a state that allows / tolerate marijuana for medical use - easy : rather than self prescribing, get a medical prescription of marijuana for chronic pain management. Your bf may still not like that, but, if it is doctor's orders, ... (read in full...)

Do I ask her if she likes me or just move on?

Q.   There is this girl, and to make it short, I feel as if she stole my heart an never gave it back. Therefore it's really hard for me to be open to feel anything for anyone else. I told her I like her but she reacted in the way I figured she woul...

A.   19 October 2014:  I suppose there's no harm in asking her. At least you would know where you stand, rather than hoping and wondering, and it would be easier for you to move on if your feelings are not requited. In this view, you'd better ask anyway. Frankly I am... (read in full...)

Am I overreacting to the photo of his ex?

Q.   I have been with my partner for two years and his ex girlfriend has been an issue for a lot of that time. This isn't a recent ex, if it were I could maybe understand, but a woman he split up with 10 years ago, they don't have children or never ...

A.   19 October 2014:  YouWish is right . Holy guacamole, OP: he assaults you and leaves you all black and blue , and... he needs to be single ?? he needs to be in jail, OP. Please go to your hospital right away, get a medical report ( " bruises curable in X days ") a... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   19 October 2014:  Then it's rather simple. First you leave your current partner ( which may be serious , committed and all, but I can't imagine that is such a fulfilling relationship for you if you find yourself constantly longing for another man !). Then you ... (read in full...)

I don't hear from him for days -- does he like me?

Q.   I met this guy at a bar 3 weeks ago. He was wearing the shirt of a band I like and I thought he was hot, so I went over and asked for his name and phone number. He seemed shocked but gave them to me anyway, and asked for mine too. We chatted for a ...

A.   19 October 2014: I'd be surprised if he thought you are easy.. because of a peck on the cheek- it would show that his moral standards are more stringent than it's reasonable for this century:). He called you fun, gorgeous and sexy, he is corresponding with you , al... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  And if you know your worth and like yourself for who and what you are, then what's been keeping you so far from asking him if he wants to go out with you for a drink or dinner, all this years ? Why do you wonder if he'd find you interesting and ... (read in full...)

What do I do about my nitpicking fiance?

Q.   I moved in with my fiancé. I am finding out that he is a nitpicker. He tells me how to cook or what I should do with this or that recipe. He was the first one to ever complain about a recipe that I have cooked for years and years that everyon...

A.   18 October 2014:  It may just be that you aren't basically compatible, alas, but I feel the main problem is , as another poster remarks, that you are sort of joined at the hips and do not spend enough time away from ech other. With this level of proximity and ... (read in full...)

It was an awkward first kiss, but does that make me an a pathetic 24 year old loser? What can I do?

Q.   So I just got home from a sort of first date with a guy. We hung out at my house last weekend just to break the ice so I cooked lunch for us nothing major. Tonight we went out for drinks and when it was time to drop me off we were just chattin...

A.   18 October 2014:  You know what , I blame it on this texting addiction that people have got. It's like they have incontrollable verbal diarrhea, whatever passes through their mind they just have to put it out, whether it is appropriate or not, stupid or not, ... (read in full...)

Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone at University and school knows. Should I move away?

Q.   Turns out that my mother is a prostitute and everyone in school and my university knows. OMG!!!!!!!! what can i do? should i move? i cant believe this, i cant even go out! my life sucks, hope no one other than me ever has to experience this. Every...

A.   18 October 2014:  I'd be curious to know how did you find out all of a sudden about your mother's line of work. It's a job and lifestyle with particular habits and schedules that are hard to hide. I had a friend who was in your situation, she had started having a ... (read in full...)

Do I walk away? I'm torn!

Q.   Hi everyone... I realy need objective advice, here. OK (((*deep breath*))) it's a bit of a long story... Been dating a guy for 6 months during which time I discoverred he had an alcohol problem. (Yikes) I supported him but then one night he ran away ...

A.   18 October 2014:  Of course you chose himself over him, what kind of a question is this !? He is not your fragile older parent, he is not your troubled adolescent son, he is not your lifelong davoted spouse who's just going through a rough patch- in which case... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   18 October 2014:  OP, some of the aggressiveness you complain about, to be blunt and honest... I think you were calling it upon yourself, and it could have been worse :). In your well meant , affectionate , motherly concern, you probaly do not realize how aggr... (read in full...)

Ten years later, and despite being in a relationship, I am still obsessing about this guy from the past. How can I move on or resolve this ?

Q.   This is taking over my life. I think about this guy constantly and torture myself by looking at his picture on-line a lot! I hear through the grape vine he's a bit of a player (I hate that in a guy.) But still can't stop thinking what could be if...

A.   18 October 2014:  I think the good job, the busy social life... are just the exterior. The outside. The inside may be different, these things did not " took " and are not enough to give you the sense of validation that you crave. There are CEOs of multinationals , ... (read in full...)

I'm worried about my daughter never having a family

Q.   My daughter is 28, her boyfriend is 32. They both graduated long ago and both have masters in different fields. They both have VERY good jobs with VERY nice salaries. They both travelled the world. My daughter was on every continent, and more tha...

A.   15 October 2014:  I am too for : tell your extended family to back off and mind their own business. ! Her life ,her choices. She is an adult, and if she is happy, and her partner is happy- that's all it counts. There is no ONE right way for everybody to live ... (read in full...)

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