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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [215 pages, 8563 answers]

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   30 May 2015:  Oh , so you haven't had sex with your WIFE in the pasr 11 months .... and that's why you had started sniffing around Sarah as soon as she showed up, right after your ENGAGEMENT ?!( before you HAD a wife ) Don't start with the blame game, OP, your... (read in full...)

Did I mess up asking for a second date?

Q.   I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I ...

A.   29 May 2015:  Yes, the reaction is likely to be 50/50 : half huge relief that the guy got the hint, half a pang of guilt for having disapponted him. Or maybe... 70/30 ?... don't forget that, as another poster mentions, current dating etiquette ( particularly ... (read in full...)

Should we carry on or just walk on different paths? We still have feelings for each other, but is that really enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Thanks for taking the time to read this - whoever you are. I've been with my husband for 3 years. We come from different continents, but met while I was traveling in his country. We traveled together and it was fun at the beginning ...

A.   29 May 2015: Yeah well, like WiseOwlE said too, he might be crying because he sees the gravy train coming to a stop ! Precisely for this reason, although normally I would agree with WiseOwle also on the fact that taking " breaks " in a marriage is neit... (read in full...)

Does this guy deserve another chance? I cut him off and now I miss him

Q.   Ok so I use to talk to this guy very heavy, and we were very close into making us official. But along the way he tells me that he just got into a relationship with someone else. So I took it upon myself to just go off on him, and make him feel bad. ...

A.   29 May 2015:  So he would talk to you at night, but totally cold shoulder you in public ?.. Easy. Elementary Watson. He never really broke up with the other girl and he was afraid that she might get wind he'd got a parallel gf. ... (read in full...)

I'm considering plastic surgery as I hate my jaw - advice?

Q.   I'm in my early twenties. I'm not bad looking otherwise and do get attention but I have a huge jaw and chin (think Olivia Wilde but my chin is really wide too) I am not fat its just genetics. It means smiling with my mouth open looks horrible (I have...

A.   29 May 2015:  I googled Olivia Wilde because I remembered the name but not the face, and there were tons of her pics ,in none of which I could detect anything wrong with her jaws ! She is absolutely gorgeous ( minus a too high ,slightly disproportioned brow ... (read in full...)

Do you think someone can have an affair without having sex with another person?

Q.   I married my high school gf just over a year ago. Shortly after we got engaged I started working a new job and met this girl named Sarah, she's funny, sweet and we just had tons of fun working together. We started hanging out with each other ...

A.   29 May 2015:  Of course you can. It's not all about sex. You ARE having an affair . Or, have you got a better definition for when someone invests in another person the time, attention, emotion, curiosity and enthusiasm that in theory he / she should reserve to ... (read in full...)

Big decisions. Do I stay in my comfort zone? Or should I take a chance with this job offer, despite my Bf's objections?

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for seven years now (lived together for five years with his grandparents). I've been on a temporary contract with work for the past year, but I've just been offered a full time permanent position at a new company ...

A.   29 May 2015:  Take a chance and spread your wings. I understand that your bf may not be thrilled at the idea ,and that's natural, then again, what is he offering you as an appealing, constructive alternative for your future ? X more years of... boyf... (read in full...)

Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not

Q.   Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...

A.   27 May 2015:  She TOLD you !- she explained you neat and nicely. It's only that you can't bother to hear , because it's not the answer that you want or expect. Just because it's not an answer you can relate to, or not the one you'd give if YOU were a woman, ... (read in full...)

Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not

Q.   Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...

A.   27 May 2015:  The fact that YOU do not understand something does not make it less true,less witnessed, or less fequent when it happens all the time. I do not understand how computers work, and yet, here I am posting my answers to you.... (read in full...)

She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?

Q.   I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...

A.   27 May 2015:  OP, I'd say that, between you and her ,you have amply responded to your questions. The Aunts confirmed. How big must " he " have been to cause pain ? Not that big, OP, in fact a small one is enough- as long as you aren't properly lubricat... (read in full...)

He's confused me completely. Am I his dream girl? Or just another girl to him?

Q.   Alright so I will start at the beginning. Eight Months ago I met this boy through my friend. She added us in a group chat and then left, I think she went to sleep? Anyways, when I saw I was in the chat, I left because I didn't know this guy. S...

A.   27 May 2015:  What's there to be confused ? he is playing you, that's all. He tells you what you want to hear. You ask the right questions .( If I am so special, then why is he dating another chick ? )... but then you do not listen to your own answer , whic... (read in full...)

Girlfriend and I fought and haven't spoken in a week. We are playing the waiting game but what should I do?

Q.   I have been dating my gf for over 3 years now and she accompanied me to the hospital so I could update my hospital card. She said that the office to update my card closes at 4 but when we arrived she pointed out that they close at 3. I innocently ...

A.   27 May 2015:  Yes, I had noticed too that at every posting the grabbing seemed to become softer and gentler... nearly fading into a loving caresse.... OP, let's cut to the chase : would you agree to a definition of grabbing as putting your thumb and index ( at... (read in full...)

Should I be allowed a lock on my door?

Q.   Hello, opinions on my situation please. I currently live with my step mum dad and little sister. My little sister is my half sister my step mum is her mum. Ive only lived with them for a few months. I used to live with my mum other sister, I was ve...

A.   27 May 2015:  Well, OP, it's not really about age or " what everybody does ", that's not really the point. My own son only moved out at 25 ( and, being that we are in Italy... everybody goes " Oh... so SOON ??! ,LOL ). BUT, my son did not have a wicked step... (read in full...)

I don't really know what happened between us and don't know how to play it??

Q.   So I work in a restaurant, and I was at the bar when like the hottest girl in my whole town comes in and orders a drink. She recognises me, and while I'm doing the drink she says "so you've probably seen facebook" and I was like, "erm yeah last I ...

A.   27 May 2015:  OP, why are you getting mad ?! Your post never said if you were looking just for casual sex or for someone to date, so even if some respondents assumed ( wrongly ) that you wanted something more than an ONS, what's so wrong with that. Some peop... (read in full...)

He likes to show me affection but shuts me off when I do the same.

Q.   I have been friends with this man for 3 years. We met online and gradually become really close friends. When we become friends, he was living a 1000 miles away from my city, now, he moved to my city, living only a mile away from my home. We meet ...

A.   27 May 2015:  Oh...then I am afraid that my opinion will be disappointing to you...Personally, I don't feel he is THAT serious or interested. His aren't really WE statements or WE projects, it's more like involving you in his escapist fantasies.. One thing is ... (read in full...)

Do you think being set up on blind dates will help me?

Q.   im kinda shy guy....i cant talk to girls. i try and try but i fail. im not that social but the friends i have are very supporting and they are very good to me....like me n my friends have a strong bond. im cool to talk to my female friends but not ...

A.   27 May 2015:  I think it can help you enormously, if you modify your expectations. Like, of finding the one forever . Not that's impossible that you may have a lucky strike, some people HAVE found their soulmates through a blind date. But- do not start with... (read in full...)

Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not

Q.   Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...

A.   27 May 2015:  OP ! She TOLD you why ! Are you even listening to her... or have you decided that you guessed right ,so whatever she says does not matter now ?! She told you that she did it because she always felt ugly and like there was something wrong with... (read in full...)

He made me feel special ... and then he let me down!

Q.   Last week, a guy told me that he liked me. I didn't really have feelings for him, but now when I think about it, he makes me happy and I think I'm starting to like him.. The problem is, this week our friends started playing a game of 'who you'd ...

A.   26 May 2015:  Sweetheart ,it's just a silly game. Same as he does not literally want to kill you ( hopefully ) he did mot mean he literally wanted to marry you. He is just discovering... girls. A whole new world. Last week he liked you and he was sincere, I be... (read in full...)

He likes to show me affection but shuts me off when I do the same.

Q.   I have been friends with this man for 3 years. We met online and gradually become really close friends. When we become friends, he was living a 1000 miles away from my city, now, he moved to my city, living only a mile away from my home. We meet ...

A.   26 May 2015:  Ask him if he wants to get engaged or what. If you live in a culture of arranged marriages where families gets routinely involved ( such seems to be the case ) he will be perfectly aware that he is compromising you , your perspectives and your... (read in full...)

Should I be allowed a lock on my door?

Q.   Hello, opinions on my situation please. I currently live with my step mum dad and little sister. My little sister is my half sister my step mum is her mum. Ive only lived with them for a few months. I used to live with my mum other sister, I was ve...

A.   26 May 2015:  Excellent suggestion by EWO. That's what would make more sense. If for some reason this is just not possible yet, - then it makes more sense if you just go back to your Mom's. The reason why you left, was because there was Mom plus a wicked s... (read in full...)

How do I deal with my inlaws who show up unannounced every day and won't call first?

Q.   I'd love some advice/opinions from anyone that has a tension-filled relationship with their inlaws. I really don't know whether I'm overreacting and over sensitive as I've been made to feel I am. My inlaws are eccentric types. They're the typ...

A.   26 May 2015:  OP, I feel your pain, and your in laws would drive me nuts too... but you can't make an omelette without breaking any eggs !! Now , it seems you have reached your scope- which was to not have them come over so often because, let's face it, they... (read in full...)

Girlfriend and I fought and haven't spoken in a week. We are playing the waiting game but what should I do?

Q.   I have been dating my gf for over 3 years now and she accompanied me to the hospital so I could update my hospital card. She said that the office to update my card closes at 4 but when we arrived she pointed out that they close at 3. I innocently ...

A.   26 May 2015:  OP, I think you are either sticking to your guns because you are stubborn by nature, or ... you are somewhat clueless and you just don't get it , do you ? It's quite simple ,actually : - You do not get to " grab " your gf. There's no somethin... (read in full...)

Did I mess up asking for a second date?

Q.   I'm a 30 year old man and I recently went out on a first date with a 34 year old woman. I had a great time. The next morning, I need to leave to teach a day long rock climbing course (i.e., no cell coverage) and I text her beforehand to say that I ...

A.   26 May 2015:  I agree, you did not do anything wrong,- and I think you guess eight, it might be a fade away. Her response to your clear , inequivocable message suggesting a date activity next wekeend was.. lukewarm at best. If she had been interest... (read in full...)

We never have sex and fight all the time, why am I with him?

Q.   Dear readers, I really don't know where to start from because the situation is quite complicated. Let me say in end of 2013 after a nasty break up, I met a guy 2 years older than me ( he is 27years now) and completely feel in love. We spent time ...

A.   26 May 2015:  Sister- it's simpler than you think ,you know ? FIRST you call off the wedding, kick him out of your life, block him, go no contact, the whole nine yards- THEN you start the mourning and HEALING process. You may need to see a therapist, or read ... (read in full...)

Is my wife lying? She says she can't remember back 15 years ago whether the guy had a large penis or not

Q.   Ive been married to my wife 15 years. When I first met her, i remember her telling me of a former sex partner who was big in penis size. When i brought that fact up recently, she denies anything was ever big. She says she dont remember even ...

A.   26 May 2015:  So if you know you are acting stupid... why do you KEEP acting stupid ? Are you always so suspicious ? She said she does not remember. Period. Are you always questioning anything she says ? " What did you have for breakfast ? " - Cereals ... (read in full...)

Should I tell my ex's girlfriend that we made out and had oral sex?

Q.   I was recently in my ex's hometown and we hung out even though he has a girlfriend. He called me as soon as I got to my hotel and we had drinks. Within two hours we were making out, and fooling around (oral sex, boob sucking, dirty talk) he wanted ...

A.   26 May 2015:  Oh you let it go far enough, have no dount about that. Oral sex is serious cheating and .. IT IS SEX. Curious that you think otherwise, unless you guys are ex President Clinton and Monica Lewinsky ! Should you tell her ?... Uhm- WHY would yo... (read in full...)

My ex is confusing me.. Why is he still explaining himself?

Q.   Me and my ex broke up a week ago. I ignored him and his texts since then but he keeps msging me. Today he msged me asking why i was ignoring him... So i said he made his decision. I respect it but I'm not settling for any less than what I want (he ...

A.   26 May 2015:  Nothing. Ego. Sheer ego. Nobody likes to be ignored, and everybody likes to have things go according to the scenario THEY have in mind. Your ex obiously want his freedom back AND you to be cheerful , friendly and " cool " about it, and he does ... (read in full...)

She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?

Q.   I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...

A.   26 May 2015:  OP, ... you are one frustrating OP :). Do you even BOTHER reading what we write ? So, no other explanation "but the size " for pain during intercourse ???... Plenty of explanation, as you'd know if you were a woman. Having sex without being pr... (read in full...)

Dad hasn't changed at all and won't let me live my life?

Q.   Hello. I am highly stressed out because my dad doesn't want me to have a boyfriend or move out of the house. EVER. Although, he HAS MET my boyfriend last year and I have been with this guy for three years. I am 18. My dad thinks my grades would go ...

A.   25 May 2015:  Hard to reply without knowing a bit of background. Granted, your Dad sounds somewhat more overprotectve than the average Dad ( and all Dads are overprotectve of their young daughters to some extent ) but , without knowing why.... I mean, if you ... (read in full...)

He seemed to treat our date as if I was on his payroll

Q.   Hi everyone Please let me know if you think i am crazy but i went on a day out recently with the boss of a large firm. This guy has been flirting with me for ages and i agreed to go with him and his staff. I did seek assurance that i wouldnt be...

A.   25 May 2015:  Interesting question. Interesting for me , because for once I can't agree with anybody. The field is split between those who think he does not give a hoot, and those who think he is very kind and very keen, maybe too much ( controlling ). I am h... (read in full...)

I've made the first move. Is he interested?

Q.   Just a little background info: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-5-years-younger-do-i-make-the.html So I made the first move and started a conversation asking if he's going to dress up for Halloween. He told me about a party he went and aske...

A.   25 May 2015: @anon reader. Don't grumble, anon. Women DO approach men. Maybe not as often as they could / should / you would like them to, but in our times the sight of a woman taking the first step is in no way like an albino tiger - rare and exceptional - as ... (read in full...)

What was my G/f (who I'm in a Long Distance Relationship with) doing at 4:00 AM and why is she evading my question?

Q.   Hi there, I'm not sure how these things work so I'm just going to post the situation and hope for a response. My girlfriend attends the University in Liverpool and I'm home in Coventry, it's been like this for about a year now and the long distance...

A.   25 May 2015:  What do you do, is stopping being intrusive and paranoid. There are many legitimate reasons why she would be up at 4 AM. Like, having to go to the bathroom. Or menstrual cramps. Or a bout of insomnia which she whiled away by sending you funn... (read in full...)

Should we carry on or just walk on different paths? We still have feelings for each other, but is that really enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Thanks for taking the time to read this - whoever you are. I've been with my husband for 3 years. We come from different continents, but met while I was traveling in his country. We traveled together and it was fun at the beginning ...

A.   25 May 2015: This sounds like a typical unfortunate case of : marry in haste repent at leisure. Or maybe of " I love you- you are perfect- now change ". You were attracted to him BECAUSE he was this independent, free spirited wild child, and now you'd like... (read in full...)

Should I be settling down?

Q.   I'm 23 years old and I still like going out and enjoying myself. All my friends are settling down with their boyfriends, moving in together or having children. I just don't feel ready for all of this! I still live at home with my parents although I ...

A.   25 May 2015:  If you ask me, your question does not even quite makes sense, seeing that nobody, but nobody, wants to settle down at 23 here, and the average age for marriage is around 30 ,and for first child, 31.5 , or something along these lines. And that's ... (read in full...)

The woman I love shows verbal abuse and tells me to leave her but I love her!

Q.   I am in a relationship with this woman for over 2 years but the past few months she has been an emotional wreck she lost a loved one and her job nothing really worked out her..because of which I have been subjected to verbal abuse like "asshole" ...

A.   25 May 2015:  " But I love her / him " must be the most used and abused words by which people tries to justify and explaon away all kinds of disrespect , mistreatments and cruelty. Ok you " love " her, and what about loving yourself a little too ? Just enou... (read in full...)

Seven days later, is there a reason he hasn't asked me for another date?

Q.   So I went on a date with a guy about a week ago. He picked me up, and we went out for a few drinks and came home relatively early because he had work the next day and had already been at a dinner. When we were both in the car together, we kept ...

A.   25 May 2015:  I think HE thinks that you have blown him off. Sure, literally " possibly let me know if you are free tomorrow " would mean that if he did not hear from you, that was because you were not free the day after. Then again,common sense and common ... (read in full...)

Telling him how much I love him isn't working, so what's the best way to get him back?

Q.   Two months ago I broke up with my boyfriend of 3.5 years after an argument. We had been having lots of arguments and it wasn't our first time breaking up. Now, 2 months later, I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life and I desperately want ...

A.   24 May 2015:  I agree with Aunty BimBim. You may have pulled the rope one time too many until it snapped. That's the mistake of many couples with this constant break up / make up dynamics. One of the parties thinks it's a way of loving passionately and fiercely ... (read in full...)

Why does my ex blame me for his failed conquests?

Q.   Why does my ex blame me for his failed conquests? I fell out with a guy I had a brief fling with. He is one of these smooth talkers, who likes to chat the women up - so I said I couldn't cope with his flirting around etc anymore. So anyway, we fi...

A.   24 May 2015:  Yes ,it's not nice to be blamed for things you haven't done, but, not everybody in the world will only think positive things about you, sooner or later you are bound to meet people who do not " get " you, plus if he is an ex, and an ex FLING !, ... (read in full...)

I have gained weight and my health obsessive MIL is coming for a visit!

Q.   My mother-in-law, let’s call her Mildred, is coming for a visit. My husband and she simply do not get along, sad fact. But, right now I need your advice on how to survive her obsession with physical beauty/looks/exercise/food, having in mind that I ...

A.   23 May 2015: Sorry but I can feel your pain... up to a point . And note that I know perfectly what you are talking about, because my own MOM is a beauty-nazi, so you can imagine I haven't been short of occasions to feel under scrutiny. BUT, this is the typi... (read in full...)

She says she don't remember her ex boyfriends sizes. Could it be?

Q.   I am with a girl for about 5 yrs. I like her very much and our sexual life was very beautiful, until 3 months before, when disaster came. Here is what happened: I had never asked her anything about her past, I knew only what she had told me herself ...

A.   23 May 2015:  Her explanation is totally possible. Generally women do not pay to what a penis looks like a tenth of the attention than mysteriously men do. I have seen penises of course, and some of them, I have seen them consistently for years and year... (read in full...)

We remain celibate and want to wait. Why is my Bf asking me to be more 'dominant' in our relationship ?

Q.   My boyfriend recently asked me to be more dominant in the relationship. Being dominant is something that doesn't come naturally to me, and to be honest, I have no idea how!! What does being more dominant mean? (And no not in bed, we don't do tha...

A.   23 May 2015:  I think the only one who can answer your question precisely is your bf- why don't you ask HIM what he means by dominant and how would he like you to show your dominance ? Wouldn't that be much simpler than guessing ?.... Anyway, if I have to g... (read in full...)

He says nothing is wrong but always has excuses for not contacting me

Q.   I met this guy on a dating site. He texts me often and we decided to meet in real life. A few days after we've both returned to our various countries he starts to ignore me. We had so much fun times together. He's active on facebook and Whatsapp but ...

A.   22 May 2015: As already suggested by other respondents ( and it's a very good advice because t's true in any circumstance of life, not just love matters ) always pay attention to what people DO , not what they say. Talk is cheap and cost no effort, other than... (read in full...)

Where does all of my boyfriend's money go? He gets angry when I ask him

Q.   I love my boyfriend. He loves me. We've been together for a year and lived together since 3 months of dating. I lost my last boyfriend who I lived with my all heart to a drug problem I was helping him fight for years. My boyfriend was with one girl ...

A.   22 May 2015:  What to think- alas nothing good. Gambling,or drugs, or hookers. You are correct, even reckless , mindless spending would not burn such a big, fast hole in his pockets. Having lived in NY for long time, I am familiar with that typical NY sensation ... (read in full...)

Why after all this time - does he still show such hatred towards me?

Q.   Hi, I've heard about men and women falling out on bad terms due to affairs, jealousies etc - but can someone please explain the hatred still shown to me by this guy? The thing is - I am single and got close to a guy who fancied me, last year, n...

A.   22 May 2015: Well, hatred is such a strong word, I don't think he " hates " you. And 6 months is not such a long time ... for people who's prone to hold grudges, there are types of personality who stay hung up over minor slights ( true or perceived ) for YEARS. ... (read in full...)

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