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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [204 pages, 8122 answers]

If we did get together I'd be paranoid that he'd cheat on me the way he cheated with me

Q.   Over the last few months I've been speaking to someone I used to work with and we've been out a few times. He has a girlfriend so we've always made a point of saying we are only friends. Then when we were out with a group of mutual friends we ended ...

A.   13 October 2014:  Your fears are well founded , unlyckily. Maybe it's not : once a cheater always a cheater.. but " once a cheater OFTEN a cheater " , yes. You are at more than average risk of being cheated on. Then again, perhaps you don't exactly have to worr... (read in full...)

Have I overstepped the mark with my FWB ?

Q.   Ok so yesterday I had sex with one of my friends (we have a kind of FWB thing going on). Afterwards we were chatting and I happened to mention that I had told my mum that I was revising at his house and that it was looking kind of suspicio...

A.   12 October 2014:  Why ? Does he normally puts you out as soon you've used up the 30 minutes which are technically sufficent , what with some forepaly, getting undressed, intercourse, washing up , and getting dressed ?... Is this your guys ' ( or your ) norm... (read in full...)

I have a lot of anger towards him. We both shout at each other a lot. How can this be resolved?

Q.   My husband has been shouting at me and sometimes hitting me and calling me lots of names. I have put up with it, now I feel like a very angry person and I shout back at him a lot and I can not speak to him nicely and even when he tries to be nice ...

A.   12 October 2014:  What's wrong with you is that you STAY with a man who has already been hitting you "sometimes ". It should have been over the moment he hit you the first time . Not that calling you a lot of names is nice either, but physical abuse is the ... (read in full...)

Seven years?? Am I wasting my time waiting for my married lover to leave his wife and children?

Q.   I have left my husband but I have been involved with a married man for 7 years.I said I wanted a proper relationship but he said he can't leave his kids who are 15 and 17. We haven't really talked about our future it's like he lives for today yet ...

A.   12 October 2014:  I have a true story for you. I had a colleague involved in a situation like yours for ages. The guy always said that he could not break his family- not because of his wife, which sort of knew he was not a faithful husband and , obje... (read in full...)

What should I do? I have feelings for her. But was I just a "one off" for her?

Q.   My friend used to go out with a girl called 'C'. I always got on really well with her, basically they just weren't getting on and my friend ended up getting with someone else. 'C' was really upset and I made sure that I was there for her. Anyway...

A.   12 October 2014:  Tell her. Tell her that you like her and would like to have the chance to see if it can turn into something between you. Or, just simply ask her on a date . A date " date " , though , dinner or something, and take it from there. What's the wors... (read in full...)

Should I have called him out on what I was told was a lie? Or should I let it go?

Q.   I like this guy. He's a lot older then me we never talk face to face. He's a bus driver i see ever day why he goes by and when we talk on the phone he tells me he's married and has kids. But then i find out he's not married, nor does he have any...

A.   12 October 2014: Let it go ! If he even got another woman to pose as his wife to discourage you - he really wants to get you off his back. Either you were the one initiating the phone calls, and he did not know how to stop you graciously,... or he initiated them but ... (read in full...)

Is it over or will he be back? Has he been telling me lies and have his family assisted him to get away from me?

Q.   My. boyfriend lived with me for 9 months..told me I was the best thing that ever hhappened to him. He said he wanted to marry me. The appartment people were not going to renew my lease, one reason was because he was there. I wanted to start ...

A.   12 October 2014:  Why, would you really take him back after he has ditched you in this way ?It does not matter if he does come back ( he won't... unless he needs money or shelter )- the plan was all another, you were supposed to leave together. And.. you go seek... (read in full...)

I don't want him to give up his dream but I just found out I'm pregnant! How do I break the news?

Q.   Hi everyone. Ok I'm 30 years old and my OH is 32. We both are currently living separately at our parents houses while we save up to buy a house ourselves. Unfortunately.. New mortgage regulationss have just come in and now we have to up twice wh...

A.   11 October 2014: .. But you aren't a single mom. You are only single technically, insofar you aren't married- for the rest you HAVE a committed partner with whom you share a life plan and future goals, and who can be made accountable, and probably WANTS to be made ... (read in full...)

After 6 years how can I get him to step up to the plate and go for the next step in our relationship?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years, we are 22 and 21 respectively. I just graduated college during which we had a long distance relationship, and I was sort of expecting our relationship to start moving forward after graduati...

A.   11 October 2014:  Yes and not. I mean, I understand that after 6 years you may have gotten impatient, nevertheless you are still only 21. In 5 years ( average time for finishing your Ph.D. ) you'll still only be 26 ! - which surely does not make you an old ... (read in full...)

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   11 October 2014:  I don't know... MY hunch is that he does like you :)... it's just my hunch... Well yeah, maybe another guy would be more proactive, or would have already asked you out openly, but I figure that a math whiz kid, albeit cosmoppolitan and soph... (read in full...)

Why does he always say such horrible things to me?

Q.   Why does he always say such horrible things to me:( So my bf hasn't been working for 9months now and I've been supporting him with money for food. I don't think he's trying hard enough to finding a job but says we should get married. and...

A.   11 October 2014:  You have done, not said, something weong. You have allowed an ungrateful moocher to walk all over you. Marriage ( and relationships, of course ) aren't about money ?- right. So let him prove his point to you by stopping taking YOUR money and ... (read in full...)

I don't understand why he wants to see me still if he doesn't want a proper relationship.

Q.   Hi, I've been dating a guy on/off for over a year. The reason we ever go off is because he doesn't commit to calling me his girlfriend. Every time I try to move on he continually texts me asking to see me. I don't understand why he wants to see ...

A.   10 October 2014: Eh, he can go on twenty years if you let him ( apparently you do ). He gets the whole GFE experience ( not just sex-on-tap, that too- but also friendship, companionship, intimacy , talking... ) yet on his terms and conditions, when HE wants and ... (read in full...)

Friends, family, moral dilemmas and life. How do I deal with the differences?

Q.   Hi, I'm having problems dealing with moral dilemmas and differences between myself and friends very recently . I have one group of friends, who I guess I see more regularly because they are a single group of girls and meet up the most and d...

A.   10 October 2014:  Then don't go to overnight trips or weeklong holidays, and just join the occasional lunch or dinner if you don't want to cut all ties altogether. Frankly, I do not see what's the issue here. Do you lament that at times some people who used to be c... (read in full...)

Why did she marry me if she had no attraction for me?

Q.   Wife suddenly tells me she has no attraction towards me... According to her this has happened 2 years ago. She stayed on to hope things will improve. I am devastated. She never really pull up major quarrels with me till she drop this bomb ...

A.   10 October 2014:  It does not have to be just 2) or 3). It may be much simpler causes which you haven't considered : social / family / religious / community pressures. I am not sure, the way you describe it, it could be a Muslim marriage ( with a nikah first... (read in full...)

I'm looking for some insight. Why does he stay in his relationship if he is not fully satisfied?

Q.   I am friends with a guy with whom I have a strong attraction. He feels the same but the problem is that he is already in a relationship for more than 7 years. He confesses that sometimes he gets bored and needs something new in his life now and ...

A.   10 October 2014:  Oh he is fully satisfied. He can get the best of both worlds, he can have his cake and eat it too. For having lasted 7 years , they must have some basic compatibility, and have developped a mutual attachmenet and affection. She is quiet and unde... (read in full...)

He's enlisting in the Air Force and wants to get married and try for a baby before he leaves!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I know it's been awhile since I last wrote and a lot has happened in that time I'm with someone new for starters and we've been together for a year with no breaking up or taking a break. I know I've said it before but with...

A.   10 October 2014:  I'll be the naysayer- what's your rush ? You are not going to live together anyway for now - and you are very young and you've got plenty of time. Why don't you just wait to get married when he has finished his training and he gets assigned to ... (read in full...)

I've been thinking about unfriending these awful former co-workers on social media, except for one. Any advice?

Q.   I used to work in a not so nice place. The boss' where horrivle to staff, the working conditions were poor and the staff as lovely as they seemed the vast majority where extremely bitchy. I worked predominately with 2 other girls. They were lovely...

A.   10 October 2014:  Unfriend them without a second thought , and don't waste mental energy over this. Guilty about what ? you don't like them, they don't like you- end of story. As for your mutual friend, if she is mentally normal, she understands that not ever... (read in full...)

I'm afraid I'll push him away because of my long ago abusive relationship and it doesn't help that his family don't want him to be with me! Any advice?

Q.   I recently started a relationship with a guy, we've been going out for a month which although isn't long, I feel that I'm falling for him. He's so lovely, he works hard and really has ambition, he even makes an effort with my two children. He ...

A.   10 October 2014:  It depends from what you mean by " wrong ". I think you should strive for a balance between being optimistic and being realistic. AS difficult as this is. Meaning, try to enjoy the moment , and see how things evolve. You barely know this guy ( on... (read in full...)

He completely refuses to call me pet names!

Q.   My boyfriend refuses to call me pet names. I feel so unloved. Especially after sex. Does it mean he does not love me? I only asked him to do that after we make love. Not all the time but he refused. I feel put off having sex with him. Being ...

A.   9 October 2014:  I find a bit curious that you have got a bf who is living off you, and you worry instead about pet names. In a way I sort of admire him- he refuses to sing for his supper. He's a moocher with some integrity. Think how many guys would say to ... (read in full...)

Am I being silly expecting more time or at least once a week when I know how crazy his job is?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together a few months he is 37 I am 32. But, We have been best friends for 17 years. We love each other very much. We talk all the time he calls, I call there is no issue there. I don't question that or even if he will ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Probably yes. 13-16 hours a day 6 days a week ? no kidding ' ... then when he gets his free day , he's got to cram into it all he can't do during his work week, i.e., everything, basically. Shopping, cleaning,haircuts, seeing friends, repairing ... (read in full...)

He only lasts 3 minutes in bed so what did he do for 30 minutes with the prostitutes?

Q.   I'm still suffering emotionally and mentally in finding out about my husband going to prostitutes across 2 years , he was visiting a brothel , he says he was going about 1 month and says we had problems , then he says that it's because he was ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Maybe nothing . They charge 30 minutes anyway, whether the client uses them all , or takes a nap,or puts on his clothes and goes away after 3 minutes. Then again, I would not take as good as gold his word that he did not do oral with them... (read in full...)

I'm considering running away and getting pregnant to get away from my controlling family! They treat me like a child!

Q.   Am a 17 year old girl,i sudenly fell in love with a 20 year old guy,we,ve been so inlove bt the problem is my famile treat me like 10 year old ,they lock the gate at 18:00 i cannot even text my bf to tel him that i cannot meet up with him because i ...

A.   9 October 2014:  Pardon me, but that's the silliest thing I have read lately on DC - it shows that you ARE a teenager ( well, you are ) and not one of the most mature,as for that. So , you want to make a baby at 17... to be free ?... And to have more time to s... (read in full...)

I want to be a better boyfriend and be able to trust her again, how do I do that?

Q.   (Sorry for the length but I have to vent)... Me and my gf have been dating since we were 16, she was absolutely perfect, beautiful smart funny. Everything I've ever wanted! I've had girlfriends before but never as serious as her. She was very hes...

A.   9 October 2014:  That's the wrong question you are asking. A better one is, what can I do to get back an ounce of common sense and self respect and let go of someone who basically does not like me , does not respect me, and keeps me around just until she can ... (read in full...)

I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?

Q.   The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...

A.   9 October 2014:  In reference to Olderthandirt " cynical " comment : I want to say that actually his position is shared by a few MILLIONS of people in Oriental cultures, and objectively they do not seem to function worse than us for that. Most Eastern cultures ... (read in full...)

I've discovered what he and his mother think about me and it's very hurtful! I don't know what to do next!

Q.   My bf of 4yrs and I are currently on a sort of "break". It has been about a month now. The reason for the break is something very minor and working towards repairing our relationship. Today I logged into my other laptop and I realised that he...

A.   9 October 2014:  I think the real problem is not what mom said about you, it's what HE said about you. My impression is that there's never a lot of love lost between mother in laws and daughter in laws, they are like natural enemies, like moongooses and snak... (read in full...)

Can you help me interpret this whole situation? Am I just admiring him or am I starting to like him?

Q.   Hi everyone :) I have met him during a summer program in my school which lasted 8 weeks. We didn't really talk much, if we ever passed each other we would just say 'hi'. I never actually payed attention to him during those 8 weeks even though I kn...

A.   9 October 2014:  It seems to me that you are just developing a very normal crush. It may have started as admiration, but , after all, isn't that how all crushes start ? You admire someone because they have something that strikes you, that impresses you, whether ... (read in full...)

I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?

Q.   The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...

A.   9 October 2014: No, don't settle. For all the excellent reasons explained by my DC colleages, and for a simpler one , which I hope it does not sound jaded- because it's not, it's just true. Being married is not easy - it's not that bed of roses which seems from... (read in full...)

My girlfriend runs hot and cold. We are engaged but she has cut down the time we spend together!

Q.   hi im a gay woman in my 30s and engaged to my girlfriend who i dont live with but i do stay most nights and go home a couple of nights a week because she did want space and not to live together until were married which is all fair enough. i know all ...

A.   9 October 2014:  It means that you were spending way too much time together. She only said it seems like you are living together ? you are lucky, I think many other people could also feel as if they have on of those anklets on for electronic surveillance of ... (read in full...)

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014: I don't think you have offended anybody here and you surely haven't offended me , OP- all I am saying , is : he is coming into your turf , ... and he is supposed to show YOU around and entertain you and organize stuff ? How does that make sens... (read in full...)

Sometimes my boyfriend is a mean drunk!

Q.   My boyfriend is lovely 99% of the time but sometimes when hes drunk he can be mean. Not everytime but about 50% of the time that hes drunk he will say things as a joke but i think he means it. An example being at the weekend he said i had a fat ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Not to put too fine a point on it, but I think too that you are dating an asshole. He may be good 99% of the times but ... it's like ink in a glass of milk. It may be just a little drop, but it makes the whole glass unpalatable and undrinkable. ... (read in full...)

Should I ask her if she wants a relationship, or just be friends?

Q.   I'm divorced for 5 years. I'm looking for a relationship. I have a friend, a woman I've known for 15 years. I met her when our kids were going to school together. We've been dating, going out to dinner having drinks for about a year now, but she ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Now I am totally guessing here, it's just a hunch I have, but what I think it is that no, she is not interested. She sounds like a woman who wants companionship, and wants the chance of having MALE attention and a MALE date, every now and ... (read in full...)

Do I have a problem, and should I confront my husband about it? Am suspicions that he's cheating, but have no proof.

Q.   A few months ago I posted about my husband coming home from a branch office visit for day (the branch was closing down) and I saw long scratch marks down his arms and small bruises around his wrists. They scabbed over and the marks were there for ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Personally I do not believe in ghosts nor in ghost scratches - nor in the Loch Ness monster, as for that - so I don't care if they are popular in I-net and they come up one zillion of times, I still would feel that my intelligence has been ... (read in full...)

I am starting to wonder if he will ever propose!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am watching everyone I know get engaged, married and have children and I am starting to wonder whether he will ever propose. I want a family life with children, so I cannot accept a life without ...

A.   8 October 2014:  The length of time in a relationship is not a good measurment of when a person should get married ?... Perhaps. In theory. In practice , any sensible person who loves somebody AND believes in marriage, reaches their " pee or get off the pot ... (read in full...)

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014:  I am not sure what's your complaint about exactly . He did book his flight , departure and return. And I suppose he is staying at your place during his visit. Or else, he will have already arranged his accomodation elsewhere. What else is ... (read in full...)

I'm still thinking of my ex even as I'm worried about developing feelings for my potential FWB! Advice?

Q.   Hi! :) hey... I really need your advise on something that's been bothering me almost this whole year...I've asked people but most of them just brush my issue away,and advise me to just move on..but its not an easy thing to please do help me ...

A.   7 October 2014:  If you are intersted in / you are developing an emotional connection with the new guy, you are wasting your time and looking for trouble, because he made clear that's NOT the emotional part that he wants ( he does not believe in love anymore blah ... (read in full...)

I extend the hand of friendship, but they do not reciprocate.

Q.   Dear cupid, I am not sure what to do about friends/acquaintances coming into town. Should I let them stay at our flat or just give them the brush off? I should start by saying I am in the performing arts or use to be with my DH and I am not much...

A.   7 October 2014:  Twentyfive days ? my, you are the gracious host. I don't know if I would put up my MOM 25 days- it's a long time. Anyway, no I would not bother and no regrets. They do not consider you friends, they do not reciprocate, the interest is one side... (read in full...)

They all lose interest after I sleep with them

Q.   I have been trying to meet someone to have a relationship with for quite a while now. I don't have any problems meeting men both online and in real time; however when ever I do start seeing someone I find attractive and seem to get on well with it ...

A.   7 October 2014:  But if you only want sex within a relationship, why then do you sleep with men before you are sure you know you are in one ( r/ship ) ? If you want sex within a context of trust and committment, why don't you wait for the trust and committment ... (read in full...)

Disappointed that I had a lesser role at wedding of my cousin. Should I tell the bride how disappointed I was?

Q.   I can't help but feel a bit hurt over my cousin giving a more important role at her wedding and more thanks/attention in general to her best friend. My cousin made her best friend her maid of honor, and me her matron of honour. I thought it was s...

A.   7 October 2014:  Oh no, don't say anything. It would be petty. You don't really want to spoil one of the best times in her life ( the honeymoon phase ) by making this all about your hurt feelings, do you ? 1 ) Don't take it so personally- you are blood bu... (read in full...)

Engaged for a year. Yet he's rarely in the mood for sex. Has our relationship run it's course?

Q.   I have been engaged to my man for almost a year. We dont go out anymore and sex that only happens when i throw a fit. He always says his back hurts but when it's work he is out the door no problem. So all im good for is to wash his clothes and...

A.   7 October 2014: Well, call me gullible, but haven't you thought that he may actually have a bad back ache ? When it's work he's out of the door... maybe also because he has no choice, I guess. If he does not work he does not get paid,does he. Or, he has all the ... (read in full...)

He's a childhood friend. Yet due to his Gf's request he is now snubbing me. How do I handle this?

Q.   I know this might seem trivial, but this has been bugging me. A childhood friend of mine has just randomly started ignoring me. We were such good friends in high school, and although we fancied each other for years nothing actually happened beca...

A.   6 October 2014:  I can sort of see the Gf's point. That's not just your " childhood friend " ,this is your old crush. You mutually fancied each other for years, -just did not choose to make it physical for whatever reason , but the attraction was there, so y... (read in full...)

I feel stuck and miserable in this town. Is there anything I can do?

Q.   I'm about 20 years old now. I've been married since I was 18 and I'm pregnant with my second child. My husband is amazing, has a great job, and our relationship is just fine. My problem is, shortly before our first was born, we moved to a new state. ...

A.   6 October 2014:  No, OP, I don't think that they are " judging " you for being young, married with children - if you talk about people more or less you age, it is that you don't have much in common in terms of lifestyle, you have made a different choice than ... (read in full...)

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