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| | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 7 May 2013: OP, again : he TOLD you it's over by his actions : getting engaged with the other girl.
Have you thought that now ,IF he is a changed man ( but too early to say, all changes need to be permannet to be true changes ) .. he has changed for this othe... (read in full...)
Should I contact an ex who hurt me for answers and possibly to get him back
Q. I was in a 1 and a half relationship and ended it last year March because my boyfriend was behaving badly He was flirting with other women. I expressed my distaste with this behavior and suspected that he was doing more than flirting with two other ...
A. 6 May 2013: Third vote for move on. Untimely ? You feel as if you broke it off untimely ?! It was just about time, instead. You knew he was a cheater. You knew he was a liar . And you knew he was a moocher( the loan he did not finish paying back ). In short, ... (read in full...)
I am extremely unhappy with me weight...can you help?
Q. I am very overweight and i am extremely unhappy with my weight. I am 5'5 and currently weight 122.5kg, i have lost 2 kg but even with exercise and lowered calorie intake it wont shift anymore. When i started loosing weight i lost 3 kg, put on 4, ...
A. 6 May 2013: I don't disagree with you , OP, surely lifestyle and nutrition have got a lot to do with being able, or not, to mantain an healthy weight : yet, as of now, isn't it a bit like deciding who was born first, the egg or the chicken ?. IF you have ... (read in full...)
I just want to know which method is highly risky or if both methods are equally risky? help me
Q. Dear friend, I had unprotected sex with a guy but he ddnt ejaculate a week later I had protected sex with a different guy. I jus want to know how safe are condoms compared to non ejaculation? Nine months is far for me to get a partenity test a...
A. 6 May 2013: I think the condom is safer, because even if your partner does not ejuculate, there is always his pre -cum that puts you at risk.
A condom too is not 100% effective, but this , because it can break or leak or slip out. If you are 100% sure that... (read in full...)
Should I assume that he is dating someone else? or is stressed at work?
Q. I met and have been going out with this guy for three months now and we did not have anything other than a flirtatious relationship up until one month ago. The first time we slept together was amazing and we had great chemistry. The next night af...
A. 6 May 2013: Overthinking ? You are underthinking this, It's so evident : welcome to FWB-land.
" But I told him... " yes, you told him a) he is an uninvolved stranger,he not your bf : he does not particularly care about your wants and needs, if they... (read in full...)
If 20% of the relationship is bad, and 80% is good, is it worth it?
Q. Hypothetical situation, curious what everyone's tolerance level is. If in a relationship, 20% of the time, you and your partner were either fighting, not speaking to each other, or "sad" with each other and the rest of the time, 80%, is perfectly ...
A. 6 May 2013: I don't think it is possible to elaborate an one-size-fits-all formula, I think it also depends from personal expectations and preferences.
For me, 6 days of arguments a month would be waaay too much, I mean it's once every 5 days !, I gues... (read in full...)
I Have been seeing my ex-husbands brother ever since my divorce 4 yrs ago
Q. I was married for 15 yrs. my ex cheated on me with his best friends wife. I was a very loyal wife when I was married to him. After my divorse I fell head over heals in love with his brother. we have been seeing one another in secret for 4 yrs now. ...
A. 6 May 2013: I would be wary and worried about his need and want to still keep it secret.
I realize it is an unusual , sensitive situation that could create embarassment and friction in the family, but, if we look at it closely :
- there's no particul... (read in full...)
I am extremely unhappy with me weight...can you help?
Q. I am very overweight and i am extremely unhappy with my weight. I am 5'5 and currently weight 122.5kg, i have lost 2 kg but even with exercise and lowered calorie intake it wont shift anymore. When i started loosing weight i lost 3 kg, put on 4, ...
A. 6 May 2013: Maybe you have thought of that already but, just in case, ...have you seen an endocrinologist ?
Not to turn the knife into the wound, and forgive me but a weight in the 120s for an height of 5'5 is quite some extra weight, to call a spade a sp... (read in full...)
Disagreement about parenting styles is threatening to end our relationship. How should I approach this?
Q. I can't even think straight right now. My relationship with my boyfriend of nearly three years, who I love more than anything in the whole world, is on the brink of collapse. This is partially my fault, because I never brought it up before, an...
A. 5 May 2013: I don't quite understand your question, OP : a " deal breaker "- either is a deal breaker, or it is not. Either it is something in which you believe so deeply and sincerely that you are even willing to let go of an otherwise great relationship ... (read in full...)
My brother's girlfriend (now ex) is pregnant--how do we convince her to go through with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm 17. My 14 year old brother got his (now ex) girlfriend pregnant because they put on the condom wrong or something stupid because the school sex education is shite, my parents felt too awkward and embarrassed to talk to him about sex and him and ...
A. 5 May 2013: The baby may be your brother's at 50% but the pregnancy , the childbirth, the labour pains ( tough stuff,btw, stuff for grown ups ) , the physical and mental health risks are all 100% hers . Ditto for the breast feeding if she had the baby, and ... (read in full...)
Is he commitment phobic? He told me he loves me but then destroyed my trust in him. What's his problem?
Q. Hi, Would like some thoughts on the following... Dated a guy for two years and for the last seven months we have been going through a rough patch about living together. We arranged to sell our houses and live together. I sold mine first and ...
A. 5 May 2013: Wel, at least he was sincere - brazen in fact ! he is tryng on a new item, ( or several ) , if it does not work, - he wants the option to be back to old reliable you. Pfui !
Excellent decision, OP, move on and don't look back. The guy may be conf... (read in full...)
How do I un-invite my friend from my other friend's bachelorette party??
Q. My best friend since high school was drinks uncontrollably and blacks out and causes problems for everyone around her because of her drinking. I have been kicked out of places, found her passed out on sidewalks in dangerous cities, she has run off ...
A. 5 May 2013: OP, I think you are making this more complicated than it is. There's no need to weave a tangled web of lies , this is a case in which the truth will set you free :)
Plan a ) ( my favourite ) . You refuse to uninvite Sloppy Drunk , there's only so m... (read in full...)
Why does the girlfriend of my boyfriend's friend act this way? It makes me very uncomfortable!
Q. Hi. My boyfriend and his friends are like most guys these days. They're young, horny, flirty, like to play xbox and pc games, party, etc. One of my boyfriend's friends has a new girlfriend now and she is really beautiful. I don't wanna sound arro...
A. 4 May 2013: Nobody questions the RIGHT of the OP to worry about whatever she wants. What's doubtful, and at least open to discussion, I hope !, it's the UTILITY and the WISDOM to worry about : a ) things that do not concern her or b ) things that do concern ... (read in full...)
I don't want to do it but I don't want to lose him!
Q. I have been In a great relationship with my boyfriend for the past two years. But now wants to spice up our sex life with anal intercourse. I cant stand it and I told him that. He just told me get lubed up and ready for action or else. What do I ...
A. 4 May 2013: Or else. And with no regrets.
OP, this gem of a boyfriend is blackmailing you. He is bullying you to force you into a sexual act that you aren't ready for or inclined to. And he is not even being nice , tryng nicely to convince you or enco... (read in full...)
I try to respect his need for space but what about my emotional needs?
Q. My boyfriend is an extrovert, and I'm used to being around people. We have discussed this before and come to a compromise that I feel works nicely, he gets a minimum of two nights to himself a week, although recently it's been three. We also don't ...
A. 4 May 2013: Yes, a bit .
You see him regularly Tuesdays and Fridays , plus one or two days more a week. There's no rule that says two people MUST spend all their free time together, and , in fact, I wonder... when do you get time for yourself ? To do girl... (read in full...)
My brother's girlfriend (now ex) is pregnant--how do we convince her to go through with the pregnancy?
Q. I'm 17. My 14 year old brother got his (now ex) girlfriend pregnant because they put on the condom wrong or something stupid because the school sex education is shite, my parents felt too awkward and embarrassed to talk to him about sex and him and ...
A. 4 May 2013: You can let her know your and your brother's opinion, I guess, but why should she take it into any account,a) since the father, being a child himself, is not equipped ,mentally,emotionally and practically,to be a father in any other sense that of ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm making a mistake? Is it stupid to marry a twice divorced man?
Q. I am nearly 30 and I want to marry a man who is 46. My parents are opposed to the match because he is much older than I am, belongs to a different country and race and primarily because he is twice divorced and is a train driver in the UK. On the...
A. 4 May 2013: Anon female, it's not forbidden to make mistakes and there's no limit to the number of mistakes one is allowed. But making mistakes it's not mandatory either !
I think the OP , wisely, is tryng, just as she should, to make sure she is not this guys... (read in full...)
Is it possible for women to get out of the dreaded friend zone?
Q. Just a general to-the-point question. Do girls/women ever come out of the friend zone? I hear from some that girls are never put into the friend zone completely - which to me is nonsense because it happens all the time to me. I recently realized...
A. 4 May 2013: I agree with YouWish, making out and sexmay pertain to the Friendswith Benefits zone, never to the friend zone. Friendship and lust make strange, and uncomfortable bedfellows.
What you are telling us, basicallly, is that you are strongly attr... (read in full...)
Does my willingness to end the relationship mean it's time for it to end?
Q. We've been together for 1.5 years. There's been good times and bad. I've verbally attacked him and physically attacked him twice. I can't figure out why, but he must love me. I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but ...
A. 4 May 2013: Well, sure, OP, undeniably it is a matter of opinions,ultimately. To me- and to millions of other women and men, I am by no means a rarity - physical violence is the ultimate dealbreaker, the point of no return. Not so much the reason to end a ... (read in full...)
How do I un-invite my friend from my other friend's bachelorette party??
Q. My best friend since high school was drinks uncontrollably and blacks out and causes problems for everyone around her because of her drinking. I have been kicked out of places, found her passed out on sidewalks in dangerous cities, she has run off ...
A. 3 May 2013: No sorry, you don't un-invite people, that's about the rudest thing you can come up with ( unless of course of really exceptional circumstances ,like you find them in bed with your bf the day before the party !).
You think well BEFORE if they... (read in full...)
I think I've found my soul mate but she's 35 years younger than I. What do I do?
Q. I think I have found a soulmate, however I don't think we were meant to be together as we have a very large age difference. I think that as the older person I am meant to help her in some way. Why do I think we are soulmates? Well, our likes are so ...
A. 3 May 2013: Pardon me, OP, but I happen to be crazy about big felines ( lions, tigers- and panthers, don't forget panthers ). And I eat an unordinate amount of both cucumbers and avocados, although generally not in a sandwich. Are you going to help me too ? ... (read in full...)
My man refuses to have sex with me for the past 4 months
Q. So for the past 4 months out of my 10 month relationship my boyfriend has not touched me. He says that he is not emotionally ready. Due to issues we have been having. I know one thing for a fact is that he is not cheating. I am becoming extremely ...
A. 3 May 2013: It sounds as if he is still mad about the issues you had 4 months ago, and he is punishing you, intentionally or unintionally, by withdrawing sex.
Wow. He must have been pretty pissed off, to stay so mad all this time.
Anyway- this staying ... (read in full...)
I met the perfect guy but it's completely the wrong time for a relationship. Advice?
Q. I really, really like this guy I met very recently at college. Though I don't know him very well, from what I've seen of him he has an amazing personality, is extremely caring (spends most of his free time volunteering and helping others) and that's ...
A. 3 May 2013: I don't see what difference does it make if you are his type or not. Or any type, as for that. You may be a fantastic superdesirable type, or an abominable type, anyway in July you are leaving, he's leaving too, you are busy, stressed out, many ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to tell my friend that on a girls night out for my birthday everyone pay for themselves, and not me paying for everyone?
Q. I have a situation that I need some clarification with your help. My birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks. Usually this is what we do with my friends: we get together only girls and go first to dinner and then club to dance. It's alwa...
A. 3 May 2013: I don't think you were wrong, in fact , apparently, facts proved you right, because she had actually got a completely wrong idea. The convo might have been a tad tiny little bit embarassing for both- but I guess it would have been more ... (read in full...)
Does my willingness to end the relationship mean it's time for it to end?
Q. We've been together for 1.5 years. There's been good times and bad. I've verbally attacked him and physically attacked him twice. I can't figure out why, but he must love me. I really do love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but ...
A. 3 May 2013: By all means, and the sooner the better. In fact, you just to need to officialize that it is ALREADY over. When certain boundaries are crossed, and either party or both get to the point of physical violence, it's not a " relationship " anymore, ... (read in full...)
I'm so tired of my mother!
Q. Ok well, this is pushing me to the limit I can't handle this any more I think there is some thing wrong with my mom. She wakes up at 330am every morning because she makes coffee right next to my room because the kitchen is next to my room, so ...
A. 3 May 2013: So there's a law against disturbing the peace or what it's called. But I doubt that making oneself a cup of coffee in one's own kitchen at any time generates a volume of decibels enough to qualify as such an offence. Why don't you ask the cops :) ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm making a mistake? Is it stupid to marry a twice divorced man?
Q. I am nearly 30 and I want to marry a man who is 46. My parents are opposed to the match because he is much older than I am, belongs to a different country and race and primarily because he is twice divorced and is a train driver in the UK. On the...
A. 2 May 2013: Everybody is bringing up points about his two divorces, I suppose they ( and you ) are right in focusing on that, as for me, call me stubborn, but I'd be more concerned about the future than the past.
Being realistic does not mean being " nega... (read in full...)
Why don't girls like compliments?
Q. Hi, I'm 25 years old,and had quite the reputation about dating women which I am not proud of but I was never in love hence played the field.. About 2 years ago I started dating this beautiful girl,she is beutiful inside out,has a heart of gold an...
A. 2 May 2013: I agree with Cerberus , you are not complimenting her , you are showing her off. Exhibiting owner's pride once in a blue moon is ok, all the time it gets stale and embarassing : basically, you might do it subconsciously , but what you are doing is ... (read in full...)
I was snooping on my boyfriend's phone and found he was looking for 'city over 30's' - was he planning on cheating on me?
Q. I know snooping is wrong but I did it, I snooped on my boyfriends phone and saw his last google search. He was away at a course for the weekend and the city he went to for this course he googled: "city over 30s". I thought he was looking for night ...
A. 2 May 2013: I think you are a bit paranoid and he was really looking at cool places, bar,restaurants for an older more sophisticated crowd. If he had wanted to meet women over 30- there are zillions of more specific dating sites and sexual encounters sites, I ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants other women to touch him?!
Q. i've been in relationship with s for more then 5 years. it wasn't easy all this while. but i stayed strong cause he never bring in any girls. last year an incident happen where he lied to me and went outstation with his working friend female. after ...
A. 2 May 2013: He is always saying that he does not want to talk to you, that he does not want to see your face, now that he wants other girls to touch him.... and you still think " you'll have a hard time without him " ?
You are having a hard time NOW, a ho... (read in full...)
Why does the girlfriend of my boyfriend's friend act this way? It makes me very uncomfortable!
Q. Hi. My boyfriend and his friends are like most guys these days. They're young, horny, flirty, like to play xbox and pc games, party, etc. One of my boyfriend's friends has a new girlfriend now and she is really beautiful. I don't wanna sound arro...
A. 2 May 2013: I guess it all only depends from your boyfriend. If he is a loyal type, and in love with you, he should see her exactly as tacky and inappropriate as she is acting , and be careful to maintain his physical and psychological distance. Remember ... (read in full...)
Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know and sometimes he can act like a complete and utter pig.
Q. It's driving me mad. There this bloke that I really, really like. Sometimes he can be the sweetest person I know. He laughs at my jokes and I laugh at his. We've got quite a bit in common and I have known him now for 5 years. Sometimes though h...
A. 2 May 2013: Well, first of all " utter pig " should disqualify him on principle. It's not a matter of everybody having their flaws , or off moments,- if he does ONCE something that cuts you so deep that you must call him a pig, then you should not even ... (read in full...)
I want to tell him I'm in love with him but am worried I may be saying it too soon. What does everyone think?
Q. My boyfriend and I met online. We have been together for almost 2 months now. I am in love with him and I'm pretty sure he feels the same about me. We haven't actually said it yet. Is it the guys job or the girls? He is turning 31 this year, he...
A. 2 May 2013: Wait. What's the rush ? A feeling is not a heavy undigested meal weighing on your stomach, that you have to chuck it out otherwise you won't sleep at night.
Let times confirm the strength of your feelings, and the viability of the rela... (read in full...)
Should I feel guilty? My ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids, we haven't had sex in over 2 years, and I have started seeing someone!
Q. my ex-husband and I live together and take care of our kids we have had no sexual relations in over 2 years he hasn't even tried. he doesn't kiss me or tell me he loves me. He doesn't even touch me in anyway. I have talked to him about it. he said ...
A. 1 May 2013: Your children are the main reason why you are living together... but the children's father is an irredeemable alcoholist who already endangered those children in the past . And more than once.
That to me would sound like an excellent reason to N... (read in full...)
The mother of my unborn child wants nothing to do with me!
Q. She's 13 weeks pregnant and I swear she hates me and told me not to call or sms actually she dumped me...must I leave her? I really love her but seems like nothings gets fixed when I apologise and ask for secoind chance...yes its my child please ...
A. 1 May 2013: Then, I am afraid you blew it. Many women draw the line at physical abuse . No apologies are sufficient, no second chances offered. It's a deal breaker. ... (read in full...)
How do I ask him in a nonchalant way what he expects from our next date?
Q. I have been on 3 dates with this guy and things are going smooth,he suggested our next date should be at his 'apartment'..we haven't had sex or made out yet we r just in 'getting to know each other' phase..he sent me a text earlier today saying 'so ...
A. 1 May 2013: No, he does not want to watch a movie and he does not want to cook. He might do that- for starters, but the finality of the date is having sex, or at least reaching the max. stage of physical intimacy you 'd let him.
I.e., he would not rape... (read in full...)
The mother of my unborn child wants nothing to do with me!
Q. She's 13 weeks pregnant and I swear she hates me and told me not to call or sms actually she dumped me...must I leave her? I really love her but seems like nothings gets fixed when I apologise and ask for secoind chance...yes its my child please ...
A. 1 May 2013: What do you apologize for ? Why do you need a second chance ?
Did you cheat on her ?
Not to butt into your business, but knowing what's the offence ( if there's any ) and its seriousness may help people to reply more helpfully.... (read in full...)
Sister in law friendship dilemma
Q. I have a dilemma regarding my sister in law. We used to be best friends and when her abusive boyfriend dumped her, I let her move in with me and my husband. I looked after her, helped her get back on her feet etc....like you would for a friend. ...
A. 1 May 2013: She was rude about how your baby looked ?! She was rude about the looks of a poor innocent little newborn in the face of his mom ?!...That would just have been the final kiss of death for me, but , then again, I am an Italian mom, we just can't ... (read in full...)
Do you think I'm making a mistake? Is it stupid to marry a twice divorced man?
Q. I am nearly 30 and I want to marry a man who is 46. My parents are opposed to the match because he is much older than I am, belongs to a different country and race and primarily because he is twice divorced and is a train driver in the UK. On the...
A. 1 May 2013: If you are a lawyer in India and he is a train driver in UK, I suppose that by " dating " you meen you have been writing to each other for two years , through Internet, or at most called each other. How much time together have you spent IRL ?
Y... (read in full...)
Can a serial monogamist finally really commit?!
Q. My boyfriend has been a serial monogamist - so how do I know I'm just not another woman he commits to for a short period of time ?! He says all the right things - and he's open to having children. He has told me he's "invested" ... We've been dating ...
A. 1 May 2013: You'll just have to wait, and see if this time he has more staying power. And, this may be old fashioned , but... you'll know that this time he means business when he asks to marry you. Not that a wedding is a guarantee of happily ever after, ... (read in full...)
He tells me that he loves me because I love him and it feels good to be loved my someone. Is that enough???
Q. My boyfriend and I are going on a trip and we'll be staying the night together at a hotel. I thought we would sleep together (for the first time), but he wanted to get a room with two separate beds. This bothered me because why wouldn't he want to ...
A. 1 May 2013: I don't know, but... I don't think this is such as terrible sign as other posters say.
I mean, if you have agreed not to have sex, and he does not want to go beyond certain limits, then it makes sense he does not want to be tantalized by havi... (read in full...)
He told me to keep the ring but I think he should have it!
Q. I was engaged to be married to this wonderful man,we were dating for 4 years and then he asked me to be his wife,we were engaged for 8 months and were to be married soon!BUt things took a complete downfall at his work,and he started taking those ...
A. 1 May 2013: I'd keep it , I'd just put it away in some drawer.... and wait for time to work his magic. Memories fade away, emotions change and die,... but diamonds are forever :). One day , faster than you think, you'll have no particular feelings , good or ... (read in full...)
I'm so tired of my mother!
Q. Ok well, this is pushing me to the limit I can't handle this any more I think there is some thing wrong with my mom. She wakes up at 330am every morning because she makes coffee right next to my room because the kitchen is next to my room, so ...
A. 30 April 2013: Unless there are more details that you have omitted, there's nothing to be freaked out about, in fact maybe it's your mother that should be freaked out by a son who wants to send her off to work in the middle of the night without even a cup of ... (read in full...)
Is he commitment phobic? He told me he loves me but then destroyed my trust in him. What's his problem?
Q. Hi, Would like some thoughts on the following... Dated a guy for two years and for the last seven months we have been going through a rough patch about living together. We arranged to sell our houses and live together. I sold mine first and ...
A. 14 April 2013: This guy's problem is that he was not that into you. At least not enough to merge your lives. He might as well want to be someone's husband, but surely he did not act as if he wanted to be your husband.
" But he said.".. talk his cheap. People can ... (read in full...)
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