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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

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How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?

Q.   There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...

A.   5 April 2015:  It is perfectly possible, - more so if we are talking about something based on physical attraction. Married people too can like what they see .... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   4 April 2015: You want to sort this mess out and you want to do all sort of things BUT the simplest one : let him be. Let them be. Keep your distance. Back off. If he wants to kiss you and give you secret dates, he is not acting as a good friend, so you are ... (read in full...)

After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!

Q.   Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...

A.   4 April 2015:  Oh enough already with the teen male " bodily cravings ". So the young man has bodily cravings. Of course. It's normal. It's natural- he's a young male, and his bodily cravings are part of his being a young male. And ?... Does the fact of havin... (read in full...)

My potential date might be in an online porn video, should I let her know

Q.   young woman who I have been growing closer to over the past few months has taken a romantic interest in me and she wants to try dating me and I have agreed to go out on a date with her. She is very much the good girl type and is extremely innocent ...

A.   4 April 2015:  I'd totally let it slide, since the chances the performer is actually your friend are slim. - So do you mean to say that this is a split personality / secret identity case ? Virgin Sunday school teacher at daytime, vixenish porn star at night ?...... (read in full...)

We're on a roller coaster and I want to get off

Q.   Dear Cupid, I read this site often and am always struck by how great the Agony Aunts/Uncles are in giving out advice. It always done with common sense, compassion and empathy and no judgment. I hope you can give me some advice too, as I need t...

A.   4 April 2015:  Sageoldguy's post , and your comment about Russian lit, reminded me of something that may belong to your situation... In " Anna Karenina " , at the very end, on her way to the station where she will commit suicide, Anna Karenina sees some stre... (read in full...)

Is he bisexual? Just a bit worried about the kinky things my BF enjoys

Q.   Hi. First to give you a little background, me and my boyfriend have been together for just over 10 months, we are generally happy together, we argue like most couples but over all we get on just fine. There is just something I am a bit worried ...

A.   4 April 2015:  He woud be gay or bisexual if he liked anal play with a man. Being that he enjoys it with a woman , that does not make him gay or bisexual, makes him a guy who likes anal play ( which is far from uncommon, btw ) ... (read in full...)

How can I tell someone to stop flirting with me in a work place?

Q.   There is this older man at work who is getting too friendly and I want to put a stop to it.I don't work with him everyday since I have a part time casual position and he has permanent position on different floor. I am casual wh...

A.   4 April 2015:  Uhm, maybe you did not handle this too well. If when he ( clumsily ) tries to flirt, you ask him " what is it that he wants " and " what he wants to talk about " - he may think you dig it and you are just acting coy ! I know this was not your inte... (read in full...)

Am I being moronic about all this? Or ungenerous as my mother implied? And what should I do about it?

Q.   My sister is 27, living in a house of her own with a partner who is very likely potential marriage material. She's not too far from our mum, who's only about an hours drive away. I'm in Student Halls over 5 hours drive away, I'm 21, coming back ...

A.   4 April 2015:  That's ridicolous. Just stand your ground. Politely, ... with a smile... but firmly. Your sister is behaving very inappropriately- not only she is the older and more financially stable, and hopefully she does not need to literally take the shirt ... (read in full...)

Will a married man ever replace his long term mistress with the next best thing?

Q.   I am here to ask a question to everyone but WITHOUT JUDGMENT or PREACHING. I know affair posts get everyone very worked up. But I am not here to be crucified. Just to get help. I want to know what you think the answer is. It will help me immensel...

A.   3 April 2015:  Eh, that's the problem with beng a mistress - that's very diffocult not to have to deal with trust issues. Why ? Because a married man with a secret mistress is obviously a skilled ,consumed liar ,with also no scruples in bending the truth for ... (read in full...)

He has told me he really wants to be Friends with Benefits, I don't know what I want1

Q.   MOD NOTE: Previous question from same asker can be accessed here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/after-me-being-madly-in-love-with-him.html hi:) ( i'm a fan of himym so i'll use the names, it is not related to the personalities of the characte...

A.   2 April 2015:  You are one stubborn teenager, OP :) ( of which, I am not surprised ). You posted the same question, in a shorter version, and you've got 8 or 10 people who, with different motivations , all told you : no, OP, this is definitely a bad idea, whic... (read in full...)

I burst into tears when I saw how my boyfriend lives in squalor, what now?

Q.   My 38 year old boyfriend of one year knew I was on my way round. What I saw horrified me. He is living in complete squalor. Dirty filthy conditions I would not put a dog in. He smoothed over it all saying he's busy with work and replacing a chimney ...

A.   1 April 2015:  You know, OP ?, I have been at times accused of being selfish or self involved or a me-first type. Generally by people who would have an all too evident benefit from me being instead all meek and selfless and prone to sacrifices !.:) but, yeah, ... (read in full...)

Would you move thousands of miles for someone you loved but have to give up your goals or dreams?

Q.   So I met someone I am really into and we have been carrying on a long distance relationship for a few years! we met online. He lives on the other side of the country. I liked him since we first chatted though and we have talked everyday since then. ...

A.   1 April 2015:  No, it does not necessarily makes " more sense " that you move. It makes more sense for him, because he's got his success and his goal accomplishments already- what about yours ?... (read in full...)

My husband masturbates to porn and turns me away when I try to initiate!

Q.   I need some advice and opinion here. To sum it up in a gist, my husband has been married to me for two years now, but recently I found out that he masturbates to porn. This has happened several times. When I confronted him about it, he got agita...

A.   1 April 2015: OP , you have a husband who basically tried to kill you within 3 months from getting married ,... and you worry about PORN ?... And no ,of course , as a married person, he is NOT allowed to do everything he wants as long as he does not hit you.... (read in full...)

I chose not to stay with my boyfriend's family while in his country and now no one is speaking to me

Q.   CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT ID DID WRONG??? My boyfriend"s cousin lives in one of the Europian countries. The family is very close to absurdity. Even if someone is wrong they are still right. i am planning a vacation where my boyfriend can't...

A.   1 April 2015:  I guess you answered your own question, i.e. although you have all reasons to be annoyed / surprised / irritated, - it's not necessary to shoot at flies with a cannon and you could have chosen to express yourself in a more tactful ,neutral way. ... (read in full...)

We've known each other 2 weeks so what do you take from these messages?

Q.   I need your opinion please... I started talking to this guy, we started talking everyday for the first 4 days but then he stopped calling and says he us busy. It's a fact that he has a very bust job I understand but he doesn't even answer texts, ...

A.   1 April 2015:  Two weeks that you know him and he should be at your texting beck and call ? he should be always available, and always free, and always attentive, and always in the mood to talk to you ?... It does not matter if texting back would take a few seco... (read in full...)

Would a single man of 45 who has never settled down give up his 'freedom' now?

Q.   Hello and Thank you for reading. My question is about men/a man and I'd appreciate hearing from the male perspective as well as females. If a man is single at age 45 and has never felt ready to settle down but is now kind of shifting in that...

A.   1 April 2015:  I've got male relatives who got married later in life, so it's not necessarily true that if a man has not settled down by 35 ,he'll never ever do it. But, that's the thing wth older gentlemen, in general- they moment they do decide, they mome... (read in full...)

I'm confused about his motivations, if in fact he has any!

Q.   I'm feeling a bit confused over how I feel about a guy and more importantly whether or not he likes me. The guy in question is my tennis coach and he's pretty good looking and we get on extremely well. I have lessons with him on my own and also ...

A.   1 April 2015:  He is drumming up business in the TYPICAL personal trainer / tennis coach / golf pro etc.etc. way. And it works, apparently : you too, at first did not want to take that class again... but a little flirty banter goes a long way to make classes ... (read in full...)

She was insistent on including her daughters in our invitation to her and then she was a no-show! I wasted £300 on all 4 of them!

Q.   I got married over a month ago and I invited a friend of mine - we used to work together and became really good friends so I invited both her and husband to my wedding for the entire day. When my friend received her invite she called to as...

A.   1 April 2015:  Wow, you are right there getting married... and you find time and will to worry about one friend and her 3 " plus one " not showing up !? You must be a very cool headed, detail oriented lady. Anyway : yes, I'd be upset too... but not TOO much... (read in full...)

After me being madly in love with him for years, he wants FWB!

Q.   Soooooooo after 5 five years being maddly "in love" with a friend who always blew me away, he finally decided to tell me about his feelings and, he want to be friends with benefits , and idk i like him IN THAT WAY but i also want him in other way ...

A.   1 April 2015:  Don't be a fool. Btw, I don't know if you can really call a friend someone who basically wants to steal your virginity then go on on his merry way right after; yes of course he is not responsible for YOUR sexual choices, but, a friend is someone ... (read in full...)

The married man I'm seeing has now pulled back. What am I supposed to think?

Q.   I met a man, he's married. We've been seeing each other but only slept together that first night... It's been 5 weeks of texting and short visits. We have very strong feelings for each other. He said he doesn't want to drag me into his mess, also ...

A.   30 March 2015:  You are supposed ro think that probably he is letting you down easy. Maybe he is really tryong to patch things up with his wife, in which case he is being wise in not wanting to pursue a mistress, which would do nothing to help the process alon... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   29 March 2015:  Oh sweerheart- what advice do you think you need ? ither than wake up and smell the coffee... It's even easier so- the timeline is very telling. In Feb, you tell him you have feelings for him. And he, instead of saying, "wonderful, I reci... (read in full...)

Why can't he face that his family is lying about me and tell them to butt out?

Q.   My partner and I of 6 years broke up three months ago, we have been trying to sort it out but I have asked him to tell hi family to butt out of our relationship, or I am not coming back. HE used to work in the family business and moved from Ireland ...

A.   29 March 2015:  That's the brother's FAMILY- his parents, his siblings, etc. And they have bailed him out all their life, no wonder they'd be on his side ! I believe that you did not formally threaten his brother ,as in" give me my money or I'll strangle you with... (read in full...)

Would you move thousands of miles for someone you loved but have to give up your goals or dreams?

Q.   So I met someone I am really into and we have been carrying on a long distance relationship for a few years! we met online. He lives on the other side of the country. I liked him since we first chatted though and we have talked everyday since then. ...

A.   29 March 2015:  NO. I DID move thousands of miles away to be with a man, but he happened to be my husband, not some guy I used to talk to through I-Net, and it also so happened that one of my hopes and dreams was precisely to go live where we went, and also ... (read in full...)

He has a Gf. He also told me he loves me. I have a crush on him. What should I do ?

Q.   Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfrie...

A.   28 March 2015:  If he still has a Gf, you should simply stay away from him. You should not go out on dates with him . You should not kiss him. I was going to say " you should treat him as you treat any other friend "- but you can't do that, because he is not ... (read in full...)

He only talks to me when he is drunk!

Q.   I don't know if I should continue trying or step away. I've known this guy for over 5 years. he is well aware that I like him however there is a huge age gap.which I believe may be the reason why we haven't become anything, nor has he tried mak...

A.   28 March 2015:  You are trying WAY too hard ! As for the signs, signs of what ? what signs do you see, other than the sign he is a drunkard who needs a trustworthy designate driver- and got himself one with little or no effort from his side ? 22 and 30 ? The... (read in full...)

Ladies, your possible reaction if you surmised, during sex, that a guy was a virgin then would you stop having sex or what?

Q.   Hi Cupid, I wanna paint a pictute here for woman and hear what they think. Pleeeeeeeease be brutally honest, no euphemism. If you (a woman) were in your twenties and liked some guy, just like, not a romeo and juliette love story, you've know...

A.   28 March 2015:  Oh I've found myself in bed some times with guys who did not have a clue what they were doing and how to do it , in a scandalous way - but they did not even have the excuse of being virgins, LOL ! FWIW, I MARRIED a guy who was a virgin when we m... (read in full...)

I'm finding peoples behaviour odd.

Q.   Why do people remove friends from facebook? I had someone who we were helping and we kicked him out for being creepy towards my sister (he had been warned in the past), hes blocked me and my gf. I was doing all the right things by him even afte...

A.   28 March 2015: People are strange , Jim Morrison would say :). But not so much , after all. In general there's a logic in their actions, just we cannot see it because OUR logic is different. An example ? Here it is, and forgive me if it deals with your behaviou... (read in full...)

Is it safe to go ahead dating him even though he said he is not ready for a relationship right now? He's going through a divorce

Q.   I started seeing this guy who is in the process of getting a divorce about 2 months ago. His divorce will be finalized in about a month. He told me on our fourth date that he had been married for 7 years and for the last 2 years things had gone sour ...

A.   27 March 2015:  Safe ? It depends . If you can just stay in the here and now and enjoy what he has promised you ( dating with no expectations and no committment ), then it's safe. If you feel you are going to be hurt / frustrated / impatient / angry /etc. wh... (read in full...)

How do I leave a job that needs me?

Q.   I work in a small company of 12-14 people. Besides my manager, I'm the only one in my department. There's two other depts. I've been here 9 months. My position requires negotiating rates and contracts, and maintaining a good relationship and...

A.   26 March 2015: ... But Norway and USA are two very different places, Chigirl... 2 weeks IS standard notice for most positions there. 3 months ?.. maybe if you are the CEO of a big corporation....... (read in full...)

Would you be ticked at a one word reply from your BF in an email?

Q.   If you send your BF an email with a funny pic attached and he just replied "Cute!" would you get ticked about the one word answer? Especially if at the end of the message you said "Miss you" and he did not say "Miss you" back? ...

A.   26 March 2015:  No. In your age range, I'd be thankful that he is so nice to answer back with his one word comment, rather than getting annoyed for having been probably been distracted / interrupted during work / social stuff / meals / whatever by some inanity ... (read in full...)

Does she remember the romantic times we shared .. I still miss her!

Q.   Hello,well it's been a while, since, I posted anything,it's been about three years now, an I still think about my ex, it only lasted three months, I thought it was great. I treated her like an angle, her ex before me, use to beat her, treated her ...

A.   26 March 2015:  I totally agree with SVC, and, although we are in the realm of surmises so any guess is good, FWIW I also disagree with the other poster about the fact that your ex is missing you and thinking of you. Obviously that poor lady had a warped and ... (read in full...)

He acted frustrated and then pushed me against the wall and kissed me. This means what?

Q.   I feel super lame asking this but if a guy gets frustrated at you and kind of pushes you against the wall but then kisses you on the head quickly what does it mean?...

A.   26 March 2015: This means that you should be smart enough to stay away from any guy who pushes you or pins you against a wall with his body , with or without final kiss. You may think it's " passionate ", it 's just rude and abusive. ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's lack and concern and hygiene make me think it might be time to end things

Q.   Lately I feel like Im reconsidering my relationship with my partner of 1 year. I feel like here's not there for me in the way a partner should be some e.g. my parents are going through a divorce, when I try and talk to him about it, all he says is ...

A.   26 March 2015:  I am like Honeypie in this ( too ), I don't think you are too harsh for not wanting to be zapped unconscious by whiffs of dragons' breath ! OK maybe if he does not have time to shower every single day,- but a quick toothbrushing after meals ? ... (read in full...)

How do I leave a job that needs me?

Q.   I work in a small company of 12-14 people. Besides my manager, I'm the only one in my department. There's two other depts. I've been here 9 months. My position requires negotiating rates and contracts, and maintaining a good relationship and...

A.   26 March 2015:  If you do not have a special provision in your contract of employment dealing with notice, a 2 week notice is the recognized norm. Unless you hold a position that requires a very specialized set of skills, and in this case it would be nice of you ... (read in full...)

What does this say about me as a person that my heart says just do it but my head says no

Q.   I have been reading a psychology book lately and one of the chapters is about emotionally unstable people. The first person who comes to my mind is my ex. Weve been broken up for quite a few years. Alot of the descriptions of this personality pret...

A.   25 March 2015: It says that you are a human being like everybody else. You have impulses, wants and needs which, unfiltered by reason, clamour for instant gratification, without an assessment of the costs/ benefits ration. Why, haven't you ever wanted to eat t... (read in full...)

Is he interested in me, even if he has a girlfriend?

Q.   *Notice: I am NOT interested in him and never had feelings for this guy. I am a female and I have this classmate (a male) who known me since middle school. He is very much popular and girls have crushes on him. He does have a girlfriend, but I ki...

A.   25 March 2015:  Oh you are interested , maybe you don't even know it yourself, but you are. Otherwise you probably would not even notice his body language and such menial banal events like a slap on the knee or a high five would not stick in your mind. What... (read in full...)

He cheated, can I trust him again?

Q.   Me and my boyfriend have been dating for almost a year now. (it will make a year in May) We've had the best relationship so far, we're so comfortable with each other and we get each other so well. I really believe he's the one. But, I recently found ...

A.   25 March 2015:  Yep, probably not. The excuse he gave you- in a way , it's a " good " excuse , because it's probably the truth :he is just a dumb hormonal randy teenager who gets hot and bothered talking sex. But, obviously you are not OK with randy hormonal... (read in full...)

Is there anything we can buy from the health food store that will help maintain an errection?

Q.   What can you take from the health food store that can help a man part stay hard . Can you gave me some names to try that will fix the problem . Hope so. ...

A.   25 March 2015:  Wait a minute wait a minute.... Just because a product is natural does not mean it is 100% safe. Many natural remedies can cause side effects and dangerous interactions with other medications. And ED is not something where a " do it yourself ... (read in full...)

What percentage of women think about another man or an ex partner while having sex with their husband

Q.   What percentage of women think about another man or an ex partner why having sex with there husband...

A.   24 March 2015:  FWIW : that I know of, there's an UK stats worked out from a sample of over 3000 people. It says an impressive 45% of women thinks occasionally about other men while having sex with their regular partner. This would include sex with famous ... (read in full...)

Sexual attraction or a feeling of being cared for?

Q.   Okay cupids, I need your help! Is sexual attraction important in a relationship? I mean, we should all fancy our boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives, yes? Isn't that what attracted us to them in the first place?! I was with my ex boyfrien...

A.   23 March 2015:  Funny the way so many posters feel that they must choose between two evils. Like, going shopping for shoes and wondering, shall I buy the pair which pinches my heels, or the pair that pinches my toes ?... What about neither ?... With your... (read in full...)

Why do white guys always flirt with me and then I find out they have someone?

Q.   Im African American. Whenever a non-black guy flirts with me, its the same scenario over and over again that I've learned to play along with it just for fun. He'll be overly flirtacious with me, (one would blow kisses at me) I'd take the bait an...

A.   23 March 2015: Based on your update, then the advice is short and simple : DON'T. Don't flirt back, don't appease them, don't pretend you are bubbly and sexually available if you are not. Don't play their game. So what if then they should think or say that you... (read in full...)

What's the lowdown on the down there hair?

Q.   I guess my question is more for the men on DC, but of course I am also interested in women's comments. So : it seems the general consensus , at least among the younger generations, is that a woman SHOULD be hairless down there :the hairless...

A.   23 March 2015: Thanks everybody so far for answering ( and in case one should think I am sanguine about the hair/ no hair issue- actually I am not, this is such a personal thing that, basically, hey whatever works individually ). A special mention to C.Gr... (read in full...)

What's the lowdown on the down there hair?

Q.   I guess my question is more for the men on DC, but of course I am also interested in women's comments. So : it seems the general consensus , at least among the younger generations, is that a woman SHOULD be hairless down there :the hairless...

A.   23 March 2015:  Really, it's not that hard or problematic to shave. .... Then why just a small minority of MEN regularly shave their pubes, or their chest, or their legs OR their armpits (...and shaving these , it would be a great idea !...) Has clean lo... (read in full...)

Why do white guys always flirt with me and then I find out they have someone?

Q.   Im African American. Whenever a non-black guy flirts with me, its the same scenario over and over again that I've learned to play along with it just for fun. He'll be overly flirtacious with me, (one would blow kisses at me) I'd take the bait an...

A.   23 March 2015: I don't think it's a racial thing. Or, only insofar people are always more curious about / intrigued by what looks all different, rather than what looks the same. I am white and I cannot count the times black guys have been flirtacious to me, at ... (read in full...)

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