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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Devastation in Italy

This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [244 pages, 9706 answers]

Had enough. What now? I'm honestly so ready to run, but I truly love my husband.

Q.   My husband and refuses to stand up for me when it comes to his crazy family. I was harassed during my husband's deployment. I have been through hell and back and defended my husband but I can't get the same in return. I always thought he would...

A.   19 November 2016:  OP, they are his family- his parents. Maybe they aren't nice people - not everybody is blessed with doting, caring, loving parents / siblings , as strange as this may sound to people who had that blessing in their life and never knew it could be ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend doesn't act like a boyfriend

Q.   So.... My boyfriend and I have been together 3 years and are living together. We rarely argue. My problem is that most of the time I feel like I don't have a boyfriend. No texts or calls from him unless he has a question. When he gets home from work ...

A.   19 November 2016:  You are not crazy, you are just like everybody of us :)- when we see people who do things in a different way than we 'd do it ,or acts differently from our expectations, you immediately conclude that there must be something wrong, and probably ... (read in full...)

For me, its not "just a kiss"!

Q.   Hi I could use some help. Recently I've just started to doubt a lot of things regarding myself and my future, but this one's going to be about a guy. So there's this guy that im really interested in at work. Infact, I'm possibly falling in love with ...

A.   18 November 2016:  ... I knew you were not going to listen :) Anyway, FWIW : You KNOW what he wants from you. Deep down you know. Based on the things he does and, even more, on those he omits to do , like taking you out on dates. You just do not want to know... (read in full...)

Which should choose to attend? Tribute band or the comedy? Both on the same night.

Q.   Can anyone advise me on which show to go to tomorrow?. There are two great shows on tomorrow night in the same city. One is a comedy show. The other is a tribute band to a band that I like. I have seen both of them before. I will be going wit...

A.   18 November 2016:  Comedy show. You know the venue already and you know it's good- You have been a bit depressed lately, and you could use a few laughs. Music can chrer you up too of course, but it's more hit or miss, some times music can also make you very emo... (read in full...)

I am worried about my family's reaction when they see my test results.

Q.   Hi there... So a little about me.. I recently moved to a different school and in a different country and Im turning 18 very soon.. So recently, I flew home to visit my parents even though I had tests coming up. And my holiday was just a week, the...

A.   17 November 2016:  Uhm.. I get the feeling that you are a bit too lenient with yourself and you ARE actually looking for excuses for your poor results. Ok, let's forget about the boyfriend, let's say he is not a factor in your insuccess (.. but that would depend too, ... (read in full...)

My life is a living hell with this older man

Q.   I had a crush with an older man who is about 60-65 not because i like him but because of situations this man will ask for sex all the time and anytime i give him sex i get hurt and sometimes when i say no is a problem too he gets mad at me,he makes ...

A.   17 November 2016: Isn't it intuitive ?... Stop having sex with him. You don't like it, you don't like HIM, you are unhappy, he limits your social life- just end it. You don't OWE sex to anybody. And he can't force you , unless he wants to end up in jail. T... (read in full...)

For me, its not "just a kiss"!

Q.   Hi I could use some help. Recently I've just started to doubt a lot of things regarding myself and my future, but this one's going to be about a guy. So there's this guy that im really interested in at work. Infact, I'm possibly falling in love with ...

A.   17 November 2016:  No, you are very wise and clear minded. While there's nothing wrong ,IMO, in being curious or adventurous or fun-loving with no strings, if this works for you, makes you happy , and reflects your tastes and personality- why the heck one has to b... (read in full...)

My currrent crush is pushing for information on a previous crush.

Q.   Me and this girl in my class have been friends. I have always liked her but never told her. A few days ago we decided to go for a movie. I wanted to go out with her a few times before I told her. Yesterday she read my status which was "Sometimes I ...

A.   17 November 2016:  Just tell her the truth !. As you said... some day you've got to tell her,if you want to take things to the next level- so might as well now. See it like this : if she is interested ( I think she is , otherwise perhaps she would not even have ... (read in full...)

Everytime I turn around she needs money.

Q.   I am currently in a LDR and it has become frustrating how financially dependent she has become. We were in this situation when we lived in the same town, however, I was living at home and didn't pay any bills while working. Now I am living on my own ...

A.   17 November 2016: Just tell her ! Not angry or confrontational. Just nice simple, and final : "I am very sorry, but I cannot give you any more money . Before I was able to help you because, as you know, I was still living home and not paying any bills, but now ... (read in full...)

Do women like men with deep voices?

Q.   This girl at work, she's a sweetheart, always looks so positive and full of energy. I've been feeling like she avoids me a lot, so one day I talked to her about it and though she was really friendly, she said that i was a bit intimidating, my voice ...

A.   17 November 2016:  Aw come on- how deep can your voice be, to keep women at bay. I doubt that you really sound scary,like an ogre from a fairy tale . Even those cavernous, almost outerwordly voices that " deep bass " roles require in some operas, say, Verdi or ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone?

Q.   Is it possible for your boyfriend to have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone? Just today I went to Add Friends from contacts in my address book and I saw my boyfriend's name under another user name and it said ADD beside his name. I alre...

A.   16 November 2016:  OP, no, I had figured out that you did not mean that his nickame is LITERALLY " Jewish Grandmother ", lol, but just a word for J.G., - like Bubbe or Bubbele, for instance. And in this age of globalization, ...I think lots of people know a few ... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone?

Q.   Is it possible for your boyfriend to have two separate Snapchat accounts on one phone? Just today I went to Add Friends from contacts in my address book and I saw my boyfriend's name under another user name and it said ADD beside his name. I alre...

A.   16 November 2016:  Yes, the best thing is that you wait for him to be back and discuss this in person. In the meantime, though, I'll try to alleviate you with my opinion, which, FWIW, is : I don't think you have got a lot to worry about , probably this is an account ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend cheated on me but claims she was taken advantage of, what do I do?

Q.   My girlfriend and i have been dating for about two months now, and it's been a semi long distance relationship with her going to a different college than me about 30 minutes away. We argue here and there about little things but at the end of the ...

A.   16 November 2016:  She cheated on you. Consciously. To me the crucial point is " he kept her asking her to come to his room, and she kept saying no... " Well, then how did she end up in his room ? Did he drag her in there forcibly ? Like a potato sack ? If not..... (read in full...)

Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?

Q.   I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...

A.   16 November 2016: .. But free does not only mean " free of costs " ( although, personally ,I believe that this is a factor too- because if your encounter should cost him any " real " money, i.e. more than the occasional snack , you'd see him lose interest... ) bu... (read in full...)

Should I just got my losses and never think about what could have happened between us?

Q.   Hey wondering if you can help. There's this girl I knew from my childhood, we recently bumped into each other after not seeing each other for at least 6 years and decided to go down the pub (as friends). We got on incredibly well and decided t...

A.   16 November 2016: She just told you " I am sorry, I can't do that "... and you'd follow up with "... I hope we can pick things up when I am back ?". Not a smart move. Sweet and well meaning, yes, but- possibly even quite annoying : like " what part of " I can't " ... (read in full...)

He is habitually late, and I am VERY punctual!

Q.   The guy I've been dating for awhile is often late. . I'm not talking 10 minutes , I mean anywhere from 45 mins to over an hour. I'm a very punctual person so habitual latesness is my pet peeve. I've tried to tell him about this but it never goes ...

A.   15 November 2016:  Well, he IS being rude and inconsiderate - particularly because he is never late to other appointments so he can't even give the excuse that he is a bad planner. Maybe you could retrain him by giving him a taste of his own medicine, as other ... (read in full...)

I just want to know from a womans perspective what my wife may be feeling?

Q.   What does intercourse feel like for my 26 year old wife, who has only been with me, until she started having an affair with a man that we both know from the past... we had a threesome with him, which didnt work for me, but my wife started seeing h...

A.   15 November 2016:  Why don't you ask your wife ? Then you would have it straight from the horse's mouth - and no ,I can't believe that you are too shy to ask her if you weren't too shy to bring another guy in bed with her .... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's family is refusing to let me stay with them.

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for 18 months now. He is Indian and his family is Muslim. We intend to get married in the next year (not engaged yet) and they know we are serious, but because I am a white blonde girl they treat me completely ...

A.   15 November 2016:  Maybe it's not an Indian thing.. but it is definitely a Muslim thing. Dear OP, I think you are " complaining because your soup is too thick ": it could be much worse. Don't think that just because some immigrant communities westernize them... (read in full...)

My boyfriend admitted he hadn't thought about us living together

Q.   I'm 53 and my boyfriend is 55, we're both divorced and have been dating for just over one year. We see each other about 4 times a week, talk and laugh a lot and the relationship has been great. However, I say great, but there are obviously issues ...

A.   15 November 2016:  I think there are two different issues here. One is , basically, that you tought he was in love with you- and he told you he is not. You took his loving affectionate ways to mean " I love you " because that's what it means when YOU do the same... (read in full...)

I fear I'll regret breaking up with him

Q.   I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...

A.   15 November 2016:  The boy clearly has got big issues and he needs help to solve them. Specialized help, not a doormat girlfriend's help. I know you mean well, but your meekness and your willingnes to go along with his brand of crazy and take the blame for it, ... (read in full...)

I just want to be his friend, but he is taking it slow ...

Q.   Hi Aunts and Uncles I met a guy a couple of months ago. We hit it off quite quickly and there is obvious chemistry between us. However, he is very hesitate to allow me to get close to him. I know there is not any one else. I know he has only...

A.   15 November 2016:  Maybe he actually does not want to be your friend so he did what you asked : he deleted your number , and moved on. Friendship and " chemistry " are two very different things. Chemistry relates to the physical- he may have found you attr... (read in full...)

I don’t to give my girlfriend visible hickies or love bites!

Q.   Adults only please; this questions is not suitable for young readers. My gf has grown to love rough sex that leaves marks. I oblige but I draw the line at anything visible - often neck hickies or love bits. I don't want others to either see her a...

A.   14 November 2016:  But if you draw the line at giving love bites at anything visible- AND she is going to the pool wearing a bikini ,like most women do - then you restrict greatly the biteable areas. Basically, only buttocks and the lower half of her ... (read in full...)

Is my boyfriend a massive jerk who doesn’t care?

Q.   My boyfriend doesn't seem to care about me or get upset when genuinely bad things happen to me. I've had a massive argument with him today and I'm wondering if it's because he's a total jerk or do most people get this way when they can't handle a ...

A.   14 November 2016: . No, rhey aren't- and that's not the intent of counseling, to be a 24 /7 shoulder to cry on. But to give you the tools which will enable you to NOT need an immediate shoulder to cry on 24/7 any time when something unplesant or disturbing happens. ... (read in full...)

Will watching X-rated movies affect my married life?

Q.   hey I am indulged in bad sex activities like watching X movies and doing all that stuff …… I want to know will it affect my married life if I continue to do so. please help me...

A.   14 November 2016:  Yes it will. You will train yourself to be a bad lover who does all the wrong moves who do NOT work in real life with real women, and also to have totally unrealistic expectations about how sex should be , and be sort of let down and bored when ... (read in full...)

I’m not exactly sure if he likes me!

Q.   You heard of the phrase "If a guy likes a girl, he'll go out of his way to be mean to her", but I'm not sure if that's all that true. I'm having an experience with a guy who I personally am torn with what he thinks of me. I'll call him Jay for priv...

A.   14 November 2016:  Older woman here :) and I confirm what BrownWolf says. "If a guy likes a girl he will go out of his way to be mean to her " is true .. in elementary school, and possibly some boys who mature slowly will reproduce in their teen years chil... (read in full...)

Our fights have become over the top!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. We have had our ups and downs. On occasion, I have had to walk away and take a "break," because the arguments become so personal and heated and so incredibly loud, and I cannot stand the insults any ...

A.   14 November 2016:  Please you help yourself ! tell him that you owe 100.00 in student loans. Tell him you owe a million ! so hopefully he'll get scared and, run away , and let you free. Free of of voting whom you want, of crying or not crying as you see fit.Of bein... (read in full...)

Why do I feel uncomfortable when people say my name out loud?

Q.   I've always been this way since I was little. I get very very uncomfortable when someone says my name or if I hear my name. I have a very unique name in the sense that I've never heard it or seen it before and I still haven't encountered it ...

A.   14 November 2016:  Maybe you have a touch of " onomatophobia " ? There is a whole lot of phobias that people have , some of which quite bizarre, because people can be afraid not only of dangerous or unplesant things, but also of things which are normaly cons... (read in full...)

I feel anxious all the time about my boyfriend and our relationship

Q.   I kinda love and hate my boyfriend. We have been together for years and he is ready to marry me. I am sure he wouldnt left me. He is kind of man who will sacrifice physically to save me from any danger. He wont left me behind for sure. He is a h...

A.   14 November 2016:  If you feel both love and hate for your fiancee'- you can't marry him and you should not marry him. Marriage is a big decisison and a big committment which you should enter into only feeling love-love, not love-hate. And even starting with love... (read in full...)

What does it mean when someone describes a man as "sharp"?

Q.   Dear Aunts, OK, so I hear this word get thrown around a lot to describe men. 1. One time my coworker said to be aware of my manager because he was sharp. He used to eye me a lot. Whaa? 2. A male friend told me that my crush was sharpe...

A.   14 November 2016:  "Sharp " is used, informally, also to mean " sly, cunning " and that may apply to the manager . The crush : well dressed, and/or, by extension, cool, hip, " with it ".... (read in full...)

Crush of 7 years is ignoring my hints. Should I confess my feelings to him?

Q.   I've liked a guy for 7 years but I don't know how he feels. We used to be classmates but now we live in different cities so we can't meet. We communicate via text. I have kinda dropped hints but I don't know if he knowingly ignores or just doesn't ...

A.   13 November 2016:  You said you can't meet !, what would the point be of a love declaration even in case he likes you back ? ( which does not sound too probable anyway, since he has been ignoring 7 years of hints ). ... (read in full...)

I fear I'll regret breaking up with him

Q.   I want to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years but I'm worried I'll regret it. I love him a lot and I don't even know if this is the right choice or not. He's nice sometimes and used to make me happy all of the time for the first year, but now ...

A.   11 November 2016:  No you won't regret it. He is treating you in such an appaling way that there's nothing to regret ! Or, actually, you will regret it at first, for maybe a few weeks. Same as a person who has been living trapped in the city sewers and has got ... (read in full...)

Why does he never offer to pay for the hotel?

Q.   I travel quite a lot and 3-4 times a year I fly through one country where I met a guy who I really like. Sometimes it's a lay over, sometimes it's a couple days stay. We always meet and it's usually just amazing. Sex is amazing and I really enj...

A.   11 November 2016:  Because it's just sex !, and it is only valuable and amazing etc. as long as it costs him no money and no effort. If he has to shell out cash for this form of entertainment, it's not Worth it for him, - after all, I guess he does not have to wait ... (read in full...)

Why won't my friend give me a chance?

Q.   Hi I am a 52 year old man who has been in love with a female friend for 20 yrs I have helped her through many rough times. she does know how I feel but says she doesn't know why she won't give me a chance I know I would make her and her Childrens ...

A.   10 November 2016:  Because she just does not like you in THAT way, she just cannot see you in the guise of a lover. It's not to be mean to you , she just does not feel it and she cannot force herself just to be nice . " Give me a chance " is easier said than done... (read in full...)

Does he have too much baggage?

Q.   I'm dating a guy that is a 100% gentleman, is God-fearing, has a great job, is goal-driven and has committed to being celibate with me..But, he is divorced (for 5 years now), and has two children (10 years old and 7 years old). He's 33, so I can ...

A.   10 November 2016:  Sure it could work. Why not. It just depends about how you feel personally about certain things: like, how would you feel about being a stepmom ? Would you resent sharing his love, time, and financial resources with his childcren, or that would ... (read in full...)

Why isnt he replying the date is 3 days away

Q.   I have arranged a date with a man i know ( we dont see each other out its more of a facebook friendship ) the date is set for this weekend . I have messaged him to confirm times and place to meet but he hasnt replied for a week ! why would someone ...

A.   10 November 2016:  No way I would wait until Friday, I would colour him gone right now. One week is more than enough to make up his mind and / or to pit together some sort of an answer. At the very least, he could have replied a vague but polite, " Sorry, I can'... (read in full...)

I broke off a 3 year affair and all he said was ok

Q.   Hi, I've been seeing a married man(ex), for 3 years now. I finally got the guts to say "I can't do this anymore, I need more". It was really hard to say this to him since I still love him. He just said to me "ok". nothing else. not why, are you ...

A.   10 November 2016: You seem to be complaining about this ; why ? shouldn't you be happy ? Once you have decided to terminate a relationship, doing it with the least fuss, the least opposition, the least arguments that's possible, should be a positive result ! Unle... (read in full...)

Was my husband going to do something behind my back?

Q.   We were out of town with another couple for a concert.And we all stayed in the same hotel but on different rooms.After the concert the four us had quite a bit of alcohol through out the night.We decided to go back to the other couples room and drink ...

A.   9 November 2016:  I don't think he was going to try doing anything behind your back, at least not in that occasion. With the other guy just sitting there in front of him ?! And you coming back any minute ( as it punctually happened ) ?! This seems strictly like... (read in full...)

Do I have cancer? I'm really scared!

Q.   So it's been a long journey of worrying myself sick and feeling scared and alone. About a year ago I had sex for the first time. I'm not gunna go into to much detail but yes I did use a condom. Long story short.. I developed a little bump where my ...

A.   9 November 2016:  Mild dysplasia means that the skin cells of the cervix are reproducing slightly quicker than normal . The cells are slightly plumper than they should be and they have larger, darker nuclei. This is NOT cancer, but it does have SOME pre-... (read in full...)

When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents and how do I do so?

Q.   Hi. When is the right time to introduce my boyfriend to my parents? I have never brought a guy to meet my parents but with the one I am dating now, I feel the need to do so. We have been together for six months but knew eachother more than three ...

A.   8 November 2016:  I think you are overthinking this a bit. Keep it simple. Say " Mom, this meatloaf / lasagna/ cake / whatever is delicious ! what do you say if one of these evenings I bring Jim over so he can taste some ? ". Variation for modern, in career / non ... (read in full...)

I thought we had something but now I'm thinking we are just a casual relationship

Q.   Omg! So, we met online and have dated a few times. Taken the relationship to another level, had amazing sex, a few times now. and now,after just 7 weeks booked to go away together. All fantastic, I thought. However, he has been acting strangely the ...

A.   8 November 2016:  No, you are not reading too much into it, you are reading it just like it is. This guy is still shopping around ( and being secretive about it, because he had told you he was going to cancel his subscription. But maybe he'd call it " discrete " , ... (read in full...)

My ex boyfriend hates me for no reason

Q.   Hi My ex boyfriend hates me for no reason. He changed into a very nasty horrible person after he admitted he was taking tablets I think for depression. Sex went out the window as well I thought he was cheating but he said it was medication. I was al...

A.   7 November 2016:  I don't think he " hates " you. Why would you say that ? Just because he does not want to talk to you ? Well.. you are his ex. He left you. Some people choose to stay " friends " with their exes- and some do not see what's the point at all. If ... (read in full...)

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