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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [196 pages, 7808 answers]

Boyfriend paid for expensive trip but is it too much too soon?

Q.   I'm probably overthinking this but is it too soon to be going on holiday with my boyfriend when we have only just (last few months) got back together after being apart for about two years? Last week it was my birthday and as a gift my boyfrien...

A.   8 August 2014: I would not worry that much in your place, chance are that he did not spend much . Trips to Egypt come for a pittance nowadays, you get bargains and sales all the time. The tourist industry, due to the recent political and social developments in ... (read in full...)

Wife caught her best friend propositioning me?

Q.   My wife caught her best friend saying very sexually leading comments to me. She confronted her friend on the spot and made her leave our house. Her friend called me in tears asking what she could to to fix it. I really don't know what she can do. ...

A.   8 August 2014:  Are you kidding ? the woman has been caught TWICE hitting on her best friend's husband. First time, Idon't know, she can plead temporary mental insanity, the second shows that she is NO friend at all, forget about best friend, and she eeds to ... (read in full...)

Our religious views arent the same. Do I end things now?

Q.   Hi guys, I'm hoping that someone can help me make sense and see things from an outside of the box perspective. I don't really have anyone to discuss these issues with an feel so alone trying to find a solution. Here goes.. I met this guy onlin...

A.   8 August 2014:  I don't know if he is a player iddiot, but to same extent yes he is bullshitting you. You sai that you belong to the same religion and caste and that this is important to both of you. Caste IS a religious thing, it comes from a religious foun... (read in full...)

How can I love her but hate the idea of dating her?

Q.   I could really use some insight on why I am having suck mixed feeling about my relationship. Back in February my friend and started working out a new local gym that opened. Being guys we checked out the younger girls there. There was this one you...

A.   8 August 2014:  Although you have expressed yourself in a softer , romantic, even poetic way, it boils down in practice to " to me she is good enough to f..k, but she is not good enough to date ". Why is that ?: two possible reasons that I can think of... (read in full...)

Am I being a bitter twisted step mum?

Q.   I'm not sure if I'm being completely pathetic or not about this situation so I think you in advance for any views on this matter I'm married to a man and we have 1 child together we both have 2 older children from previous marriages, my hb was the ...

A.   8 August 2014:  Female anon, if the OP was a single mum on benefits, for the equivalent of 550 euros monthly, she could not / would not even DREAM of flying to Spain, trips to Asia, theme parks, private schools, or anything else which she - very naturally ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is upset that I don't like to stay at his house but its uncomfortable there! Would you be upset over something like this?

Q.   This isn't really a big problem, but I would like some advice. My boyfriend and I argued tonight because he said he is upset that I never sleep at his house. He said he feels used. He said he thinks we don't see each other enough. The thing is, I ...

A.   8 August 2014:  No, I would not be upset if I knew I have no heating, no hot water, and only a matter on the floor as a bed. I would understand that other people may not like / be used to / WANT to live like a squatter, and I would respect their need for a ... (read in full...)

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Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months and we used to have the perfect relationship. He used to buy me things, he used to be so nice and considerate, and he would always make me feel special. But recently, it just stopped. He's obsessed ...

A.   8 August 2014:  Hehe, here's a guy who literally thinks " he's all that..and a bag of chips ". I don't think he went through some weird personality change - I think he is now what he's always been, just now he is showing it, while first he had to be nicer to g... (read in full...)

Why are some friends never happy for you? Am I wrong to be hurt by this?

Q.   why are some friends not happy when you share good news..? envy? jealousy? nastiness? are they "real" friends at all? I dont mean boasting or bragging.. or being " hey look at my news" just sharing that a happy event has occurred. Or should we nev...

A.   8 August 2014:  But maybe she WAS happy for you. Happy in the sense that she is glad that you are glad and that you had a good moment ,of course- ( why should not she be ). She just is not elated or thrilled or moved, she did not feel the emotion as strongly ... (read in full...)

Our 'reunion sex' has me worn out. How do I explain this without hurting his feelings?

Q.   My bf and I have been dating for 3 years. He has always had a very high sex drive, we would have sex 4-5 days a week sometimes two or three times a day. He is in the army and was over seas for 8 months. He came home 28 days ago. I was behind happy ...

A.   7 August 2014:  Why should his feelings be hurt ?.. I guess he will have a basic knowledge of human anatomy- and of physics : the effect of constant friction on soft tissues etc- I mean, it will come as no shock to him. You are SORE - what's to be offended about ... (read in full...)

Two different accusations of him "trying it on"

Q.   My boyfriend is trying to drum up business for himself through facebook and he adds a lot of people that he knows (even if only just a little bit). Last night he added his friends girlfriend. He then got a text to say: why are you adding so-and-s...

A.   7 August 2014:  You say he used to drink a lot. He will have tried it on when he was drunk. He does not remember it ,but they do.... (read in full...)

Am I being a bitter twisted step mum?

Q.   I'm not sure if I'm being completely pathetic or not about this situation so I think you in advance for any views on this matter I'm married to a man and we have 1 child together we both have 2 older children from previous marriages, my hb was the ...

A.   7 August 2014:  Of course there's a problem with you paying for your step children... but you aren't. Or, only nominally. Now , OP, either I have totally misunderstood what you say ( which is quite possible ! It's a hot summer here, it may have affected my m... (read in full...)

People keep walking out of my life, and I don't know how to deal with it any more. Advice?

Q.   I need some serious advice. And I don't know what to do any more. Over the last ten days I have lost a lot of people from my life, and even though I enjoy my own company I am starting to get the point where I don't really have many peo...

A.   7 August 2014:  I don't know if you'll " get " my answer, and I am sure you won't like it, but, FWIW,... people CAN " pick you up and drop you " when they want,to some extent. It IS fair. They are allowed to. Within limits,of course. I'll try to explain.... (read in full...)

I'm worrying about my bf's possible behavior while on his vacation with single friends. Justified thoughts or not?

Q.   Hello dear Uncles and Aunts, Thanks in advance for reading my story. I'm a little bit (perhaps a lot) insecure about the most stupid things ever and it's driving me crazy. is the next thing I'm going to tell you, justified on my part or....

A.   6 August 2014:  I suppose you aren't familiar with a reality show called " Gandia Shore " ... It's like Jersey Shore, only in some Spanish vacation hot spot instead... Don't watch it !, it would give you nightmares :).. Your worries are ... half justified , I ... (read in full...)

Am I being a bitter twisted step mum?

Q.   I'm not sure if I'm being completely pathetic or not about this situation so I think you in advance for any views on this matter I'm married to a man and we have 1 child together we both have 2 older children from previous marriages, my hb was the ...

A.   6 August 2014: All costs have gone through the roof in the last ten years ? ( not really,btw. UK inflation has always been between 0.95 % and 2 % in the last ten years , and the total makes for roughly an increase of cost of living of about 17 % ) Don't say it t... (read in full...)

My girlfriend's father caught us fooling around and now I'm invited to dinner? I have no idea how to act!

Q.   My girlfriend is 16 and we have been dating for 10 months. From day one her dad has hated me, even her mother sys that mainly he just doesn't want to let go of the thought that his "little girl" isn't so little any more. I have always been ...

A.   6 August 2014:  Oh poor OP,lol ! I hear you , how I would not want to be in your shoes ! Take heart, though. If they have invited you, it may only mean that his father got over the accident , and that you are out of the doghouse. You have been forgiven, he must... (read in full...)

Am I being a bitter twisted step mum?

Q.   I'm not sure if I'm being completely pathetic or not about this situation so I think you in advance for any views on this matter I'm married to a man and we have 1 child together we both have 2 older children from previous marriages, my hb was the ...

A.   6 August 2014:  OP, I feel awkward following up to your update, I don't what you to think that for some mysterious reason of mine I WANT to lunge at you and chew you up,... but, although on a simply human-to-human level I am sorry that you feel distressed and ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend doesn't want me to masturbate. How do I handle this?

Q.   I am in my early twenties and I am a girl seeing another girl about my age. I do not personally think masturbation is wrong but my girlfriend insists that she does not like the idea of me masturbating although I only do it when we cannot be intimate ...

A.   6 August 2014:  I think you are both a little bit kookoo :) , she for forbidding you masturbating, and you a ) for even listening to her and b) for feeling guilty. Masturbation, unless it becomes compulsive which it's clearly not your case, is healthy and perf... (read in full...)

I love her but having a normal relationship with her is impossible

Q.   Can I ask for people's opinions? My relationship of two years ended yesterday and I want to honestly know if I am the reason. We met two years ago online, I don't trust people easily because I know what liars some people are. Right off the ba...

A.   6 August 2014:  I guess this relations was just born still-born or barely alive ... and grew up accordingly. FIVE days after breaking up with someone, she gets together with you ? that has gor REBOUND written all over it. Then, she kept you around as her safe... (read in full...)

Am I being a bitter twisted step mum?

Q.   I'm not sure if I'm being completely pathetic or not about this situation so I think you in advance for any views on this matter I'm married to a man and we have 1 child together we both have 2 older children from previous marriages, my hb was the ...

A.   6 August 2014:  Sorry if I can't be very sympathetic to your predicament, but... I can't. When you met this man, he was already divorced, already had two kids , his child support and alimony payments had already been established, his house had already been left... (read in full...)

Much younger man has no interest in sex. Could it be medical or is it something else?

Q.   I'm looking for an answer.. I am in love with a man that is 18 years younger. He says he loves me too. But we are having a problem in the bedroom. He has came up with every excuse possible. Stress, his dad dying, his ex. He only has one kidney. Low ...

A.   6 August 2014:  I guess it simply means that he is just not that into you. He must have done his calculations, weighing pros and cons, and decided that a relationship with you is convenient for him. But among the pros, an intense sexual attraction is not ther... (read in full...)

Husband is taking off to our honeymoon destination with friends before we get to go, how do I react?

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles. So my husband and I are married, but postponed our honeymoon, due to finances and the birth of our first baby. We have our honeymoon-vacation planned. So, I was looking forward to it. My husband just informed me that one of his ...

A.   6 August 2014:  Maybe I am not romantic enough but personally I would not be upset that he gets to see your honeymoon destination before you. I mean, the intent ,purpose and general atmosphere , general feel of a trip, and the specific spots you visit and ... (read in full...)

Do I try to reconnect? I don't want anything sexual or a relationship, I just want Pete back in my life!

Q.   *I apologize for how long this is in advance* I'm already in a relationship and love the bones of my boyfriend,I'd do anything to keep this relationship going it's the only one I've felt really works,we've been together for a year. Before ...

A.   6 August 2014:  For someone who loves he bones of her current bf, you are a bit too taken with this Pete. If you believed in soulmates Pete would be yours....wait a minute, if you believed in soulmates, shouldn't YOUR BOYFRIEND be yours ?... You describe a crus... (read in full...)

My Boyfriend is shaming me and my sexual preferences! Am I in the wrong? Have I pushed him too far? Or am I really that disgusting?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for nearly 2 years - at least 18 months of which have been based on serious long term commitment to each other with the future in mind. We have an average sex life. I have accepted that I am a more...

A.   6 August 2014:  I think he was using " nasty " in the sense of "obscene ", " indecent " " morally corrupt ". Dirty, but as in "a dirty mind "- not that you don't wash yourself enough. Whoa. To react like this, yes, I guess you have pushed HIM too far. Note : HI... (read in full...)

Why do men prefer it shaved?

Q.   My question might sound simple but why do so many men seem to like shaved vulva as opposed to a natural hairy one ? I found that the man I am with says he finds it much sexier and several men have said this before . I prefer to go natural as I get ...

A.   5 August 2014:  But you live in Europe , Chigirl. Europeans are equally opportunity bushers, they allow you freedom of bush choice :). In USA - not so much. Americans like their sex to be like their packaged food- hygienized, sanitized, odourless, tast... (read in full...)

Are we crazy for moving in our son's girlfriend, to help keep her away from her abusive father?

Q.   My wife and I and getting lots of grieve from family friends regarding a decision we made with our only son who ism20. He still lives at home during the summer and goes away ( 1.5hours from home) for school. He comes home most weekends. He has been ...

A.   5 August 2014:  Actually, I did not say it's the boy's parents 'job to " push " birth control on this girl. It's the boyfriend 's job ( their son ). If he wants to be sexually active with this, or any other girl, yes, he must " push " birth control on her.... (read in full...)

I need ideas for a vegetarian meal for our upcoming party

Q.   Definitely not a relationship question but sometimes help and inspiration come from the most unlikely sources.... One of the hobby groups I'm in has an annual "long weekend away" shindig (party) which is coming up in about 3 weeks. Everybody...

A.   5 August 2014:  I don't see why you could not have VEGAN burgers - seitan burgers, or tofu burgers. Perfect for the barbecue . Just google " seitan burgers " or " tofu burgers " and you'll find plenty of recipes. Or else, prepare vegetable skewers ( tomato, ... (read in full...)

My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?

Q.   I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...

A.   5 August 2014:  Ok, then back to my questions : WHEN in his mind will these kids be all grown up ? 20 ? 25 ? ... and what are you supposed to do in the meantime , ( a good 5, 10 years from now since the youngest is 15 )... play faithful - and secret - ... (read in full...)

Will my crazy sex drive be a problem?

Q.   This is not really a problem, I am just slightly worried. Basically I love sex with my boyfriend and always seem to be horny. But I am worried that always wanting sex will leave him feeling like I am constantly asking. When I say horny I mean that ...

A.   5 August 2014:  But it does not sounds as if you are insanely horny, and you say you do not constantly pester him for sex. All you are doing is , saying yes when he initiates ( and he surely can't complain about that ) - and initiating yourself every now and ... (read in full...)

Are we crazy for moving in our son's girlfriend, to help keep her away from her abusive father?

Q.   My wife and I and getting lots of grieve from family friends regarding a decision we made with our only son who ism20. He still lives at home during the summer and goes away ( 1.5hours from home) for school. He comes home most weekends. He has been ...

A.   5 August 2014: ... And, is it a problem what your family and friends think ?.. You and your wife aren't two irresponsible impulsive teenagers , - if you have decided to give support and hospitality to your son's Gf, I figure you will have done it because you ... (read in full...)

She won't allow me to kiss or touch her, she's pregnant by so-called rape, why the change?

Q.   hey guys i have been dating this girl for a year and everything seems fine and she is pregnant with the soo called rape child she doesnt allow me to kiss or touch her ,i feel like i dont exist even though we stay together and share the same bed ...

A.   5 August 2014:  What has changed is , that she got pregnant. Probably she does not want to embarass her family. If her parents did not approve of her staying at a guy's before being married, chances are they would approve even less of a pregnant unwed moth... (read in full...)

How can I get his friends and family to see that I'm not trying to trap him?

Q.   I am looking for some advice on getting my boyfriends parents to like me. I'm 20 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend who is also 20 for about four months now. I have twin boys who are 18 months old. My bf is amazing with them and they...

A.   5 August 2014:  It sounds like you have got a good plan, annd everything under control :). With a bit of luck, it will all work out just right. Enjoy your bf, and do not stress out about his parents. Do not take it too personally- maybe these parents are being ... (read in full...)

How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?

Q.   hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...

A.   5 August 2014:  Oh I see. The " tenderness fallacy " at work... again. You are another of those ( many ) girls that for some reason have gotten into their heads that if it is just sex then it must also be... inhuman. No tenderness, no intimacy, no cama... (read in full...)

My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?

Q.   I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...

A.   5 August 2014:  Older like what ?- when the youngest comes of age ? when they are both out of college ? when they are both married and have started their own families ? Children tipically are not thrilled about their parents' divorce, even grown up children. So, ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I don't have sex and he finally admitted that my weight was a problem. If he doesn't love me fully for who I am today, then why does he deserve me later when I am thinner?

Q.   So I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months. We have been friends for years, and he said that there was something about me that made him want to take it to the next level. I love him, and I am pretty sure he loves me. But here's ...

A.   5 August 2014:  I could not agree more with You Wish. It's not that he won't deserve the thin you, it's that probably he did not even deserve the fat you to begin with. This story is strange, mekes no sense. I know plenty of men for whom extra weight... (read in full...)

How can I get his friends and family to see that I'm not trying to trap him?

Q.   I am looking for some advice on getting my boyfriends parents to like me. I'm 20 years old and I have been dating my boyfriend who is also 20 for about four months now. I have twin boys who are 18 months old. My bf is amazing with them and they...

A.   5 August 2014:  Dear OP, I think you 'll just have to accept that actions have consequences, positive and negative. The positive consequence of having your lovely twins that, am sure, are your pride and your joy- and the negatve one of not being cons... (read in full...)

My husband works nights and sleeps on and off during daytime while he looks after our son. I want to put my son in daycare then, advice?

Q.   Hello everyone, I have a question about daycare. My husband and I have a son who will be two in September. My husband works overnight and I work through the day. During the day my son stays at home with him while he sleeps off and on. I have been ...

A.   5 August 2014:  You need to accept tbe risk ( hopefully very very low I imagine ) of abuse at day care , because as of now the current arrangement is much more dangerous for the child. In fact, I hate being hard on a mom that is doing the best she can ( or, ... (read in full...)

How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?

Q.   hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...

A.   4 August 2014:  Let's begin from your second quandary, that's the one whch has got an easy answer. Why was he the one doing the chasing . Simple : because he wanted to get laid :). Even in this days and age, unless he is Brad Pitt or some really hot dude that has ... (read in full...)

I've fallen for her more, we have so much in common .......

Q.   Hey guys, just hoping for a little advice on this one... I have liked the same girl for close to 3 years now (she is also gay) but I never knew her to speak to. When I got a job in April (after returning for the summer from uni), we started chatt...

A.   4 August 2014:  Oh not implying you are ( or she is ). Just general considerations. Regardless of personality though, I still think that for something to become a relationship from a vague... something, you need the person in flesh and bones, and not the ... (read in full...)

Have I been over-thinking the issues surrounding bringing a dog into our new home?

Q.   I really need some advice. This is something I'm getting all OCD about! For my entire life, I have always wanted a dog. My partner and I have a brand new home, we're yet to have children and it just seems like a good time to bring that speci...

A.   4 August 2014:  1 )I don't agree that buying a dog is immoral, this is a bit like saying that people should not have their own kids when in the world there are so already so many abandoned kids up for adoption. First you should adopt all the abandoned ones, ... (read in full...)

Should I let my fiance know I found out she was still an escort during our first month of dating, or should I let it go?

Q.   Hi, I'm really having a hard time dealing with a bunch of things that I found out about my fiance. I don't know how to approach her about a lot of things I found out, and I also don't know what I really want out of the future. In order to rece...

A.   4 August 2014: Oh for cryng out loud. So you don't have much money but she does not complain ? I bet - what should she complain about , she has not got any herself ! she needed to bum cigarettes off random strangers in the streets !. Or, if she wants money, she ... (read in full...)

I broke up with my boyfriend two months ago. Do you think I overreacted?

Q.   Hi Everyone, Thank you for taking the time our to read all this. I broke it off with my boyfriend over two months ago and the thoughts of "did I overreact?" coupled with "I miss him so much" have started creeping in. So, I wanted to get...

A.   4 August 2014:  What difference does it make if you had not left yet ? He KNEW that you were leaving , and he knew the coast was going to be clear. If it all had been friendly and innocent, he would have told you " yes, the text was for Anne, this lady I'v... (read in full...)

How can he like me as a friend yet initiate all physical contact and flirting?

Q.   hi guys. ive got a rough situation at the moment. here goes;id known of this guy for about 2 yrs only really got to know him about 6 months ago..he can on holiday with me and some friends about 3 months ago when one of my friends told me this guy ...

A.   4 August 2014:  It does not sound so mysterious to me. When he says " he only liked you as a friend " obviously he does not mean that he always only liked you platonically, with no physicall attraction. Au contraire, he means - and showed - that he does find you ... (read in full...)

My ex lover, who's a married man, won't leave his wife and children for me. But he keep buying me things even though I said I only want to be friends. Do you think he is too emotionally involved to lose contact with me?

Q.   I had an affair with a married man but ended it because it wasn't going anywhere, I ended my marriage and now I'm seperated.Anyway my ex lover started contacting me and I told him that I ended my marriage and moving on with my life,I told him I ...

A.   4 August 2014:  No, I think he is too lazy, smug and selfish to lose contact with you. He is plying you with gifts to lure you back in a nice casual FWB, ( friends wothout benefits, he's already got them those he is seeing wth his wife, he does not need you ... (read in full...)

I've fallen for her more, we have so much in common .......

Q.   Hey guys, just hoping for a little advice on this one... I have liked the same girl for close to 3 years now (she is also gay) but I never knew her to speak to. When I got a job in April (after returning for the summer from uni), we started chatt...

A.   3 August 2014:  I guess it depends from whom you ask. There are several posters, and also a few Aunts I think, in LDRs with people at ridicolous distances from them, and they seem to be OK with it, or even happy. To me, it would make no sense asking her when... (read in full...)

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