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*indyCares agony aunt

*indyCares

Italy  (Female   XML/RSS

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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..

Ciao

Cindy

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I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   20 July 2014:  Are you really surprised ?...You said you've seen the BU coming for ages- your bf was distant, disrespectful and lived to make you miserable. He acted as if he hated you and showed he did not give a flying fuck. So , if now he seems not to give... (read in full...)

I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   11 July 2014:  OP, this will sound patronizing maybe, but I wonder : if this is his usual M.O.- ignoring you for a week or more, then sending you a " cum fuck me " text on a weekend late night... rinse and repeat ... has not ever dawned on you that most probably ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is as unromantic as can be

Q.   I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. We connect so well in everything. He challenges me intellectually, is fun, sweet, affectionate. The thing is, he is as unromantic as a person can be. As an example, he lives right across t...

A.   7 July 2014:  Erm, I'd check with City Hall before having him pick flowers for you. This field is obviously not into the wilderness, so , either it belongs to a private owner 's ( and the roses are the owner's ) or it belongs to your municipality, i.e. to ... (read in full...)

Why did my friend say one thing and do another? I'm so hurt

Q.   Why did my friend do this? am I overreacting? So a couple from our church was getting married and my friend told me about it and I was really looking forward to it and she's close to the couple so she said she'd let me know when the wedding ...

A.   7 July 2014: @ eric troy : " sad " ? sad is a big word. Don't you ever forget anything ?... then you are a lucky excepetion, I have been blessed genetically with an excellent menory, and still , every now and then , I happen to forget something that I had ... (read in full...)

I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   7 July 2014:  Yeah well, surely a long, heated, emotional confrontation after just seven days from a BU would not win the prize for most effective, coherent No Contact of the year, but so be it. One can always go back on track. You 've got to be honest with... (read in full...)

Since I refused to do things he's seen in porn he wants nothing to do with me

Q.   My bf watch too much porn and he gets himself relief by watching but he still want to have sex with me and wanted to do it from behind but I won't let him and he doesn't understand when I tell him no. He tells me I'm no fun, I did what he wanted me ...

A.   7 July 2014:  No, Caring Aunt A, don't worry :).. the OP does not mean her ex has blown up her phone literally, with dynamite - just that he has been calling her repeatedly and insistently. It's USA slang. If you are not in love with him- let him go. Igno... (read in full...)

One night stand trouble

Q.   Dear readers, I wonder does anyone have similar a similar problem: Lately any guy that I have sex with doesn't seem to be able to maintain an erection. I understand that nerves etc. can play havoc and mixed with alcohol can also play havoc, but...

A.   7 July 2014:  For those who have been imbibing heavily, blame it on the alcohol. I think most people underrates the influence of alcohol on sex. In my experience, let's say that it never helps or enhances it: granted, not all guys will go limp because of a ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says for our relationship to survive I need to start surprising him sexually

Q.   Quick and short... My boyfriend says that for our relationship to survive I need to start "surprising" him sexually. One of his versions of being surprised is a spontaneous blowjob in the car. That's pretty much all the hints he has given me! An...

A.   7 July 2014:  But that's not a separate issue ! that's part of his being a tough one to sway at all, and being set in his ways and wanting what he wants when he wants, screw everybody else. And of projecting and unloading his issues over you in your couple ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend got another girl pregnant

Q.   i would like to ask about my boyfriend of six years. he got another girl pregnant. i saw them dating through the pictures in facebook. i ask my boyfriend first but he refuse to answer. thats why i directly ask the girl. she said that my boyfriend is ...

A.   7 July 2014: No it's not OK ! I'd be curious how would he go about fixing this. What is he going to do, is he going to un-date, un-fuck, and un-get pregnamt the girl whom he has been cheating on with, you and about whom he never came clean before you caug... (read in full...)

I found out he was an uncle by marriage of a friend of mine and now she hasn't really spoken to me a whole lot.

Q.   I am 29. Recently out of a 7 year relationship ending in him cheating on me, met a pretty decent guy online and have been dating him for 5 months now. He and I have so much in common, cheated on, faithful in previous relationships, love the same ...

A.   7 July 2014:  Yes, either you are overthinking this or SHE is overthinking it. The man WAS married to her aunt six yers ago, - then he moved on with his life and decided to date again, and ended up with someone your friend knows. That would be weird if it ha... (read in full...)

Is it unreasonable to not want my baby exposed to an unhygenic environment?

Q.   Hello everyone I am having a problem with my parents and i'm wondering if i'm being reasonable. I'm 19 and i'm almost 36 weeks pregnant me and my fiance live with my parents we have our room and our nursery. My parents have always told me they never ...

A.   6 July 2014:  No, with due respect to all animal lovers , I don't think you are unreasonable at all ! When your baby will start crawling, what is it supposed to do, crawl over dog shit and dog pee ?! I would not want my baby to live like this, and , regardless ... (read in full...)

Why did my friend say one thing and do another? I'm so hurt

Q.   Why did my friend do this? am I overreacting? So a couple from our church was getting married and my friend told me about it and I was really looking forward to it and she's close to the couple so she said she'd let me know when the wedding ...

A.   6 July 2014: What do you mean it wasn't invites only ??!!. EVERY wedding is invites only !, in the sense that people can't be so presumptous to invite whom they want to another person's wedding ! Just, not done. Only the bride/ groom get to say : you come, you ... (read in full...)

My parents are so strict I am getting teased about it!

Q.   OK, so I need some advice. My parents are really, really strict and I've NEVER been on a date before. Even when I hang out with friends, I'm not allowed to do it unless they drive us there and back and they're really strict on the amount of time. ...

A.   6 July 2014: I second what FA says. And mind you, by my personal standards your parents's rule are exceedingly, almost insanely strict - yet you are 13 ? case closed. You don't go on official " dates " , alone with a boy , at night, in a restaurant - at 13. ... (read in full...)

Now I've got him why aren't I satisfied?

Q.   I've been having an affair with a married man for almost over 18 months now, he's been wed for about 6 weeks, has a 2-year-old son, and on Wednesday he announced he's leaving his wife for me. He said he'd told his wife "I'm leaving you, got a new ...

A.   5 July 2014:  Oh wait- I've got something to edit too. I see now that you are worried about HIS in - laws .Yeah well, they'll be furious too, what do you expect, but actually those are the least of your worries since you won't need to have any social ... (read in full...)

Now I've got him why aren't I satisfied?

Q.   I've been having an affair with a married man for almost over 18 months now, he's been wed for about 6 weeks, has a 2-year-old son, and on Wednesday he announced he's leaving his wife for me. He said he'd told his wife "I'm leaving you, got a new ...

A.   5 July 2014:  I think that the poster is having a little laugh at our expenses .... or else, she' s writng under the influence. I can't find other possible explanations for some things she wrote. Like, that about her friends, who would not be afraid t... (read in full...)

I haven't known my boyfriend and feel like I'm barely getting to know him and we have an 11 month old baby together. Break up or make up? Relationship problems going on.

Q.   This question is going to go a little deeper from this post: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-boyfriend-told-me-let-me-get-fat.html I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now coming December 13th. We've hit some bumps in the road a...

A.   5 July 2014:  Oh then the fat issue was just the tip of the iceberg, and this new post draws a different scenario. In fact, frankly I am amazed that you are even so flustered about him calling you fat. This is apparently the least of your problems. I thin... (read in full...)

My grandmother is a gossip and I don't want to see her. How do I handle this?

Q.   My grandmother and mother are both negative gossips. I am 32 years old and for the past 4 years have put some distance between them and myself. However, now that I have returned to the city that I grew up in and they live in my grandmother is ...

A.   5 July 2014:  I think that if you really really wanted to be left out of the family- you would not even be writing to us. You would have had no doubts , you would have made up your mind and written your family off with no regrets and no looking back. So you ... (read in full...)

I'm starting to get stirrings about wanting a baby. Do I tell my partner? He doesn't want one now

Q.   Thankyou for taking the time to read this I have been struggling with something that has happened recently and I don't know how to overcome it. 2 and a half years ago I suffered a miscarriage with a previous partner. We were at the end of our r...

A.   5 July 2014:  You know what ?, I am thinking that , before and beyond sharing your feelings with your bf if you wish, the most practical thing would be to have a good long chat with an OB/GYN . Again, I am no doctor but I have got the feeling you MIGHT have ... (read in full...)

I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   4 July 2014:  " suck my dick for helping you ? " ...Is he mentally ill ?... Back to ignore ignore ignore, and mean it this time. It does not matter if he is the Wizard of Oz, or has the secret to save mankind from a worlwide catastrophe-do not ask him anyt... (read in full...)

I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   4 July 2014:  What do you do ?... sigh... you start all over again. The moving on process and the ignoring. And try harder this time. This, if you are serious about wanting to STAY broken up. It's like following a diet, or quitting smoking. You fall off the ... (read in full...)

No birthday present from boyfriend

Q.   Hi everyone, I'm just wondering if your new boyfriend of 3 months does not get you a birthday present what would you think to that? He hasn't got much money at all. He got me a card, but I was hoping for a little something. Even some chocolates,...

A.   4 July 2014: I would not freak out just yet. It does not have to mean that he does not care, or that he is a cheapskate. He did get you a card, and probably he thought that for just 3 months of dating, that's adequate. Some people see it this way . Other... (read in full...)

My grandmother is a gossip and I don't want to see her. How do I handle this?

Q.   My grandmother and mother are both negative gossips. I am 32 years old and for the past 4 years have put some distance between them and myself. However, now that I have returned to the city that I grew up in and they live in my grandmother is ...

A.   4 July 2014: Actually, I'd think there's an easy solution to your problem. Just do not give her ammo. Do not tell her anything too personal, or anything that you would not want spread around . You can keep your visit not too long , and sort of not too intimate. ... (read in full...)

I'm starting to get stirrings about wanting a baby. Do I tell my partner? He doesn't want one now

Q.   Thankyou for taking the time to read this I have been struggling with something that has happened recently and I don't know how to overcome it. 2 and a half years ago I suffered a miscarriage with a previous partner. We were at the end of our r...

A.   4 July 2014:  You are not crazy.. but you are broody :). And your partner should NOT be supportive, since: you are too young, you are not ready, he is not ready , and you have a folic acid deficiency to take care of ( at least the best you can ) before ... (read in full...)

I feel foolish now that he has gone back to his wife

Q.   I was seeing a separated married man for a few months. It ended a couple of months ago. He has since got back with his wife. I now feel foolish. He was already separated when we got together and had been for a year. At the time I was at rock bottom ...

A.   4 July 2014: Good post, YouWish, and good point. What everybody tends to forget is that in most countries ( I can't vouch for all ,of course ) separated is still married, until divorce has become final. As a matter of fact, for the law, even private agreemen... (read in full...)

Can a married person having an affair have the right to accuse the partner of being deceitful?

Q.   Does this make any sense or am I wrong? Here's the scenario: a single guys is having a torrid love affair with a married woman for a long time. He only sleeps with her but does socialize with other women, and men of course, from time to time, bu...

A.   4 July 2014:  I guess that technically the OP is right, it can sound a case a case of pot calling ketttle black... Only technically, though. It's a bit like saying that a bank robber has no right to press charges against a thief who steals his car ! Why sho... (read in full...)

I feel foolish now that he has gone back to his wife

Q.   I was seeing a separated married man for a few months. It ended a couple of months ago. He has since got back with his wife. I now feel foolish. He was already separated when we got together and had been for a year. At the time I was at rock bottom ...

A.   4 July 2014:  A legit relationship ? Not really, Mark. Just to set the record straight, separated is still married. In UK, adultery is voluntary sexual intercourse between a man and a woman who are not married to each other but at least one of whom is ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend told me, "let me get fat and see if you want to hold me." I'm speechless!

Q.   So, I'm in a relationship and I'm holding onto to something because I'm resentful. . About a month and a half ago my boyfriend told me, "let me get fat and see if you want to hold me." I was speechless at the time and didn't know what to say so I ...

A.   3 July 2014:  I agree with Daisy Daisy. I think that you can love a person, without for that being blind to changes in her body and without having to LIKE those changes or approve them. His feelings for you will be the same, his appreciation for your goo... (read in full...)

One night stands more acceptable than casual dating flirting and making out?

Q.   Why is it considered in this society to be more acceptable to have a one-night-stand than it is to flit just to flirt? Why is it just so wrong to have a boyfriend and leave it juts at making out and heavy petting (leaving the clothes on)? Why is ...

A.   3 July 2014:  Because flirting is generally a signal of sexual or romantic interest, and your way to signify : "if all goes well, I am open to more ". Wait ! In only apparent contraddiction, there IS also a " social " flirting, a light sexy banter that does not ... (read in full...)

I'm unemployed, my family support me, he lost his job and wants me to give him money to relocate

Q.   Why is he so angry? Is this an abusive relationship? So my bf lost his job and he's having a had time finding another one. I've been supporting him with money for food. Phone bills etc Now be wants to relocate for a job and he's told me to...

A.   3 July 2014:  First thing, why does he presume you should help him come up with money for HIS relocation. Are you married ? Engaged ? Got kids togetehr ? Are you his mother ?... No ? Then he is crossing boundaries big time. He is a grown ass man, he shoul... (read in full...)

I know it's normal but finding porn caught me off guard

Q.   I asked my boyfriend to use his computer, as I wanted to show him a piece of clothing that I ordered online. I ASKED (and I stress that) his permission to open his browser and search. He allowed me. As I start typing the url, the browser's sugges...

A.   3 July 2014:  Now I do not want to take a stand about porn, or how accettable it is , within which limits, if partnered guys should watch it or not... I really do not know much about porn, there will be other readers more competent, or with more precise ... (read in full...)

He told me he liked me but he has a girlfriend. Why did he do that?

Q.   I liked a guy and I told him how I felt and he told me that he felt the same way. about a week later he told me he had a girlfriend. I asked him why he did it and he told me because they liked each other. So then why didn't he ask me out? Should I ...

A.   3 July 2014:  Because he is 15, and at 15 he will have liked you, and also her, and also the girl down the road etc.etc. Maybe he was making up his mind among all his likes, maybe the other girl was more proactive, asked him out and beat you to it. Maybe he ... (read in full...)

Frightened for mom's visit, how do I come clean about my relationship??

Q.   I'll try to keep this very long story short. Ever since 16, dating has been discouraged by my parents who are strict, school oriented and religious. (note: I was an honor roll student in highschool, award winner, 4.1 GPA, currently studying ...

A.   3 July 2014:  Relax. Don't fall back in fearful child mode. Stop craving approval from your parents. " Do no evil fear no evil "- luckily you have made yours the general guidelines -" do not get pregnant, do not use drugs, do succeed in studies etc."- the ... (read in full...)

How to find inner peace and closure when my ex refused to give it?

Q.   How to find inner peace and closure when my ex refused to give it? I posted on here a couple of weeks ago. Just some follow up kind words would be nice. My ex broke up with me. Said it was not a lack of love on her part, but that she was having m...

A.   3 July 2014:  Are you sure you did not break up with me :)? , because I would have given the same answers as hers. Maybe I would not even have been as diplomatic. You are acting pushy and entitled. She does not OWE you closure. You are an adult- give yourself... (read in full...)

Married co worker is giving mixed signals

Q.   I'm 20 and about to start my last year of college. For the last two years, my major requires us to work in hospitals nearby. I worked at one hospital where I eventually started to like this man. He taught me everything I know. When i first m...

A.   3 July 2014: ...He wants ass. In a very discreet way. Like all married men intelligent enough to want ass but without jeopardizing their marriage and their reputation on the job. Does it really matters what he wants, though ? He is married, refardless. What... (read in full...)

He came back from a holiday and ended the relationship

Q.   I really need some advice. I'm having a hard time getting over my ex. We were seeing each other for about a month before we became official, when we were just seeing eachother he said he didn't want me seeing anyone else. He was pretty paranoid...

A.   2 July 2014:  He could not deal with the guilt... ? You sure ?... Mwah mwah. You are so tender , I want to kiss you. OP, It's Magaluf , LMAO ! He KNEW what he was going there for. What does a trio of single guys go to Magaluf for ?... Consider... (read in full...)

Questions for females, does this happen to anybody else?

Q.   weird question coming your way - mostly aimed at women. i started my period about 5 years ago and it's still unreliable timing-wise so i always wear sanitary towels (yes literally ALWAYS and i find tampons uncomfortable so don't use them) but that's ...

A.   2 July 2014:  It depends. Some daily vaginal discharge is perfectly normal and physiological, it's the way the vagina has to self clean and flush out dead cells. It is more abundant and visible during ovulation or when sexually aroused, but basically always ... (read in full...)

Is this anxiety over my parents normal?

Q.   I'm 22 and sort of independent although I still live with my mother and father. I have begun to have horrible anxiety about their safety. I feel guilty leaving the house because I feel like I'm leaving my mom alone (she's self-employed) and my dad ...

A.   2 July 2014:  I don't think it's that normal... I mean, yes , we all know rationally that every single time a loved one gets out of the door that may be the last time we see him / her... what with traffic accidents... airplane accidents... violent crime... ... (read in full...)

I don't want to be under his mother's control.

Q.   Hi, I live with my husband in holland. He is from kurdistan in iraq, he is going to kurdistan because he cannot stay here any longer he wants me to go there and said we can stay there a few months and then go because I said I dont want to live ...

A.   2 July 2014:  Iranian male anon, what you say may be perfectly true, but it does not change things for the OP. First she is going to Iraq, not to Iran, and second , under the shar'ia and as the wife of a Muslim man she has no right to come and go as she ... (read in full...)

My friends betrayed me when I was vulnerable

Q.   Hi everybody, I'm guessing I'm going to get a lot of opinions on this question, I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it and I understand I was irresponsible. Please don't answer my questions with insults or lectures as I've had that off my parents and ...

A.   2 July 2014:  Sorry, OP, I swear I am not having a go at you, - you learned your lesson already, and, you got your birthday ruined and your views about the loyalty of your best friends altered, which, I agree , is quite bad enough. But please let me have... (read in full...)

I bent over backwards to make it work, but he still dumped me!

Q.   My bf, of 4 years, and I just broke up like 20 mins ago. I saw it coming for months now. Since January nothing had been the same. He was distant, disrespectful and basically seemed to live to make me miserable. I tried to work things out for the ...

A.   2 July 2014:  Fair is fair :). He writes you " fuck me "... you write him back " fuck you " and you are even. No, don't , actually. Just kidding. Keep ignoring him. You are doing good, and soon you'll be fine .... (read in full...)

I am not trying to be a jerk but I have questions for the ladies here

Q.   Why do I read about so many girls who flirt when they don't mean nothing by it and get confused why a guy ends up liking them? Do I have to be official and ask her on a date and flat say it's a date in order for her to know that? Do I ha...

A.   1 July 2014:  Personally , I do not see anything wrong in asking her out on a date and flat out telling her it's date. Or, in asking her to go steady if you want a Gf. You do not " have " to, if you don't want, but I don't see why you would object to simple c... (read in full...)

My Bf's family bully me and my Bf never stands up for me. How can I cope with this?

Q.   I am hoping that you may be able to help me find the way on this problem... I don't especially like my boyfriend's family. It is very strange as he is entirely different to them. To describe them will sound critical I am afraid but they are loud, se...

A.   1 July 2014:  OP, I read all your post, and I read Abella's response, and , with all due respect, I strongly disagree with it.( Abella is an intelligent person and I do not think she will be shocked or vexed if someone see things from a very different ... (read in full...)

My Bf's family bully me and my Bf never stands up for me. How can I cope with this?

Q.   I am hoping that you may be able to help me find the way on this problem... I don't especially like my boyfriend's family. It is very strange as he is entirely different to them. To describe them will sound critical I am afraid but they are loud, se...

A.   1 July 2014: Sorry but I have to agree with Cerberus completely. If there's someone who needs to grow a pair, that would be you , OP, you are an adult over 30 and you are your bf's gf, not his daughter or his ward. You should be able to hold your own in a de... (read in full...)

I don't want to be under his mother's control.

Q.   Hi, I live with my husband in holland. He is from kurdistan in iraq, he is going to kurdistan because he cannot stay here any longer he wants me to go there and said we can stay there a few months and then go because I said I dont want to live ...

A.   1 July 2014:  Don't go. I hope you realize that the legal system of Iraq is the Shar'ia ,i.e. they apply Islamc law also in cases of personal status and family law ( marriages , divorces , custody of minors etc. etc. ). That means that once you are ther... (read in full...)

My friends betrayed me when I was vulnerable

Q.   Hi everybody, I'm guessing I'm going to get a lot of opinions on this question, I'm feeling pretty rubbish about it and I understand I was irresponsible. Please don't answer my questions with insults or lectures as I've had that off my parents and ...

A.   1 July 2014:  I am sorry that you had your 21st birthday spoiled by ths lamentable accident, but.... what can you expect. You were passing- out blind drunk, and your friends close to. When people do not know their limits, or they know them well but won'... (read in full...)

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