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*indyCares agony aunt


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*indyCares's profile:

Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.

My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.

What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)

Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.

Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.

Looking forward to hear from all of you..



Latest articles:

Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.

This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted

19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...

< Prev1234567891011Next > [204 pages, 8104 answers]

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014: I don't think you have offended anybody here and you surely haven't offended me , OP- all I am saying , is : he is coming into your turf , ... and he is supposed to show YOU around and entertain you and organize stuff ? How does that make sens... (read in full...)

Do I have a problem, and should I confront my husband about it? Am suspicions that he's cheating, but have no proof.

Q.   A few months ago I posted about my husband coming home from a branch office visit for day (the branch was closing down) and I saw long scratch marks down his arms and small bruises around his wrists. They scabbed over and the marks were there for ...

A.   8 October 2014:  Personally I do not believe in ghosts nor in ghost scratches - nor in the Loch Ness monster, as for that - so I don't care if they are popular in I-net and they come up one zillion of times, I still would feel that my intelligence has been ... (read in full...)

I am starting to wonder if he will ever propose!

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am watching everyone I know get engaged, married and have children and I am starting to wonder whether he will ever propose. I want a family life with children, so I cannot accept a life without ...

A.   8 October 2014:  The length of time in a relationship is not a good measurment of when a person should get married ?... Perhaps. In theory. In practice , any sensible person who loves somebody AND believes in marriage, reaches their " pee or get off the pot ... (read in full...)

Whose comb was it at my Bf's place? Can it really be that he has no clue?

Q.   Dear aunts and uncles. I feel a little wierd asking this question as though I shouldn't. I have been with my boyfriend for 10 months now. We have an amazing relationship and we're going for the longterm talking about marriage and working on building ...

A.   8 October 2014:  If he does not use combs , and he does not own combs, that must be somebody else's comb ( brilliant deduction, eh ?:). But why does it have necessarily be a secret mistress's comb ?. It could belong to anybody, any visitor, friend, relative, ... (read in full...)

How do I let him know he needs to step up as a man and woo me?

Q.   BIG DILEMMA. My LDR boyfriend who has been chatting me up non-stop everyday is coming to visit me next month. His plans according to him is to hopefully meet my parents, discuss his plans to relocate and scout around my town for business and futu...

A.   8 October 2014:  I am not sure what's your complaint about exactly . He did book his flight , departure and return. And I suppose he is staying at your place during his visit. Or else, he will have already arranged his accomodation elsewhere. What else is ... (read in full...)

I'm still thinking of my ex even as I'm worried about developing feelings for my potential FWB! Advice?

Q.   Hi! :) hey... I really need your advise on something that's been bothering me almost this whole year...I've asked people but most of them just brush my issue away,and advise me to just move on..but its not an easy thing to please do help me ...

A.   7 October 2014:  If you are intersted in / you are developing an emotional connection with the new guy, you are wasting your time and looking for trouble, because he made clear that's NOT the emotional part that he wants ( he does not believe in love anymore blah ... (read in full...)

I extend the hand of friendship, but they do not reciprocate.

Q.   Dear cupid, I am not sure what to do about friends/acquaintances coming into town. Should I let them stay at our flat or just give them the brush off? I should start by saying I am in the performing arts or use to be with my DH and I am not much...

A.   7 October 2014:  Twentyfive days ? my, you are the gracious host. I don't know if I would put up my MOM 25 days- it's a long time. Anyway, no I would not bother and no regrets. They do not consider you friends, they do not reciprocate, the interest is one side... (read in full...)

They all lose interest after I sleep with them

Q.   I have been trying to meet someone to have a relationship with for quite a while now. I don't have any problems meeting men both online and in real time; however when ever I do start seeing someone I find attractive and seem to get on well with it ...

A.   7 October 2014:  But if you only want sex within a relationship, why then do you sleep with men before you are sure you know you are in one ( r/ship ) ? If you want sex within a context of trust and committment, why don't you wait for the trust and committment ... (read in full...)

Disappointed that I had a lesser role at wedding of my cousin. Should I tell the bride how disappointed I was?

Q.   I can't help but feel a bit hurt over my cousin giving a more important role at her wedding and more thanks/attention in general to her best friend. My cousin made her best friend her maid of honor, and me her matron of honour. I thought it was s...

A.   7 October 2014:  Oh no, don't say anything. It would be petty. You don't really want to spoil one of the best times in her life ( the honeymoon phase ) by making this all about your hurt feelings, do you ? 1 ) Don't take it so personally- you are blood bu... (read in full...)

Engaged for a year. Yet he's rarely in the mood for sex. Has our relationship run it's course?

Q.   I have been engaged to my man for almost a year. We dont go out anymore and sex that only happens when i throw a fit. He always says his back hurts but when it's work he is out the door no problem. So all im good for is to wash his clothes and...

A.   7 October 2014: Well, call me gullible, but haven't you thought that he may actually have a bad back ache ? When it's work he's out of the door... maybe also because he has no choice, I guess. If he does not work he does not get paid,does he. Or, he has all the ... (read in full...)

He's a childhood friend. Yet due to his Gf's request he is now snubbing me. How do I handle this?

Q.   I know this might seem trivial, but this has been bugging me. A childhood friend of mine has just randomly started ignoring me. We were such good friends in high school, and although we fancied each other for years nothing actually happened beca...

A.   6 October 2014:  I can sort of see the Gf's point. That's not just your " childhood friend " ,this is your old crush. You mutually fancied each other for years, -just did not choose to make it physical for whatever reason , but the attraction was there, so y... (read in full...)

I feel stuck and miserable in this town. Is there anything I can do?

Q.   I'm about 20 years old now. I've been married since I was 18 and I'm pregnant with my second child. My husband is amazing, has a great job, and our relationship is just fine. My problem is, shortly before our first was born, we moved to a new state. ...

A.   6 October 2014:  No, OP, I don't think that they are " judging " you for being young, married with children - if you talk about people more or less you age, it is that you don't have much in common in terms of lifestyle, you have made a different choice than ... (read in full...)

Have I ruined things for him?

Q.   What do I make of this? I've been with my partner for 5 years we had a son together. He had to move for work and things got rocky with the distance and he eventually told me he had met someone and had been seeing her for a few months without tell...

A.   6 October 2014:  You've got too many scruples. Of course he had to choose, and of course you were entitled to MAKE him choose if he had not made up his mind yet. You have a son together, it's a family. At some point he needed to choose whether he wanted to salv... (read in full...)

If I have a healthy libido then why does my husband need to masturbate?

Q.   I have discovered that my husband has started masturbating and lying about it. I feel puzzled because I have a healthy libido and he knows it. Why would he do this? Is this a sign of trouble ahead? We have been married for two years. ...

A.   6 October 2014:  I think he lies about it- precisely because of the way you take it. As if it's something weird, innatural, that requires complex explanations or justifications. The fact is - confirmed by creditable scientific research , not based on pers... (read in full...)

How do I stand up to this? she won't ever do anything I want to do, but expects me to follow her plans

Q.   Ok, so I really need help with my girlfriend. We're been together a long time, met at uni about 7 years ago. We live together and have recently moved into a new house. I've suddenly had a realisation that she's super selfish... I think... Esse...

A.   6 October 2014:  I must admit that personally I don't much get the concept of " taking one for the team "- unless exceptionally and if strictly necessary. Like, I don't know, attending with my partner a wedding where I'd be bored, but my absence would be comm... (read in full...)

Is my husband of 20 years getting ready to have another affair?

Q.   my husband has contacted an old flame on facebook said he has been very happy with me, but after 20 years things are not what they used to be. He told this person he has been searching for her for 20 years and has never been so happy to see anyo...

A.   5 October 2014:  Yeah well- it sounds like he wanted to get through clearly the message he'd be visiting ALONE, without his wife. So that she would NOT think it would be just a friendly catch up. And : " ... the next move is up to you " ?.. Who talks this... (read in full...)

I thought it was a relationship, but he was just "test driving the car"!

Q.   Dear cupid.. Did I over react? I was talking to my bf the other night, and we talked about sex in relationships and I was saying how I prefer to wait until its been a little while in a relationship before sex. So as to get to know the other person. ...

A.   5 October 2014:  I'd be a bit more lenient with the guy than most posters, because to me ( of course it's just my guess ) that is mostly a case of foot-in-mouth. In which he did not mean anything evil or anything too different from what YOU meant, it just came out ... (read in full...)

My 17 year old niece was extremely rude to me

Q.   Hi everyone, this might sound trivial but it is really upsetting me lately. My niece is 17 and throughout her teenage years she has been a typical sulky teen. However since her 17th birthday she has been downright rude to me. She lives in another ...

A.   5 October 2014:  Yes, she is your 17 year old niece, you CAN ignore her, because that's the way she likes it at her age and stage. You can be there for her , if she needs advice or to confide you something she is not comfortable sharing with other adults, or ... (read in full...)

I love my boyfriend and don't want to leave, but how can I make him see what a monster he is when he's drunk?

Q.   My fiance has a binge drinking problem. When we are on a night out, its as if he just can't get enough and he doesn't know when to stop. He blows all our money on it too! And he gets violent.Last night, he was invited with me to a function and I was ...

A.   4 October 2014:  You can't. And you should not want to. Because if you are not totally out of your mind, you do not want to date a monster, even a part- time monster, an occasional monster, an once-in-a-blue-moon monster. Women date men. Not monsters. OP, par... (read in full...)

My mom is going to visit me but I cant stand the way she constantly criticizes me. How do I handle her?

Q.   My mother and father are visiting my brother and his family today and tomm its my turn, they will be staying with me. I live alone. They live interstate and I see them maybe twice a year, I enjoy catching up with them, and we mostly get along, a...

A.   4 October 2014:  Ignoring the comments does not sound like such a nad soltion to me. Since you see your parents so seldom, I'd try to take a deep breath and tough it out. You want to focus on the GOOD part of this visit , you want to make it- as much as possible - ... (read in full...)

Should I change my style of dress for my boyfriend who says I'm too old to wear certain things ???

Q.   I just recently found out that I am the oldest women my boyfriend has ever dated minus his ex wife who was 5 years older than me. I have been dating my boyfriend 6 months and he has already said he loves me and I don't doubt that he dose , but I ...

A.   4 October 2014: My dear, you can SO compete with 21 and 22. When I was 30,ahem, modestly ... the young ones were eating my dust :). Although, there's not, or there should not be , "competition " in love. He likes you because you are you, .. with the age spot... (read in full...)

Started well, then went to sporadic contact. What next? Should I call him out? Is he playing games?

Q.   What happens next? I was dating a guy for about a month, consistently and it seemed like there was potential to go somewhere although he was hesitant and has never been in a serious relationship. We had a great fifth date, then he went missing...

A.   3 October 2014:  Well, technically he did not " make plans ", he never said , then Thursday at 7 p.m. in front of restaurant X. He said " I'll be in touch " ( implied- if I am still free, nothing else comes up, etc. ). So, technically, he has not stood you up. ... (read in full...)

What makes a person interesting and why are some people ignored?

Q.   what makes a person interesting? Im an accepting and kind/caring person, Im quieter, single,a few friends who I see occasionally but are often very busy, but I enjoy conversation one to one and in small groups and I can be quiet assert...

A.   3 October 2014:  I posted before seeing your update and... that may be part of the problem. The way you see yourself. You call yourself a " freaky spinster "... you SEE yourself like a " freaky spinster "... ( YOU are insulting yourself ! ). If deep down you... (read in full...)

What makes a person interesting and why are some people ignored?

Q.   what makes a person interesting? Im an accepting and kind/caring person, Im quieter, single,a few friends who I see occasionally but are often very busy, but I enjoy conversation one to one and in small groups and I can be quiet assert...

A.   3 October 2014:  1 ) I am not going to lie to you, if you are shy and withdrawn that penalizes you. It may be unfair, then again life is unfair. Being a good listener makes you a good person, not necessarily an interesting one. An interesting one is one who can ... (read in full...)

The girl I met online asked about my sexual past. I answered truthfully and now she's gone quiet!

Q.   I met this girl online, really like her n she's 18 n im 23 almost 24. she says she's a virgin although I did not expect that i was really happy. she seemed shy to ask questions so i told her to ask anything on her mind n i won't lie. which i didn't. ...

A.   2 October 2014:  Yeah well, first thing I thought too is that it could even be one of those " Catfish " situations and " she " is a he that's sounding you off for wanking material. I mean, it sounds strange to me that she is a shy virgin 18 y.o girl who does... (read in full...)

For his birthday I'm going to tell him 101 things I love about him

Q.   Hihi! My boyfriend's birthday is coming up.... I'm making like a 101 things I love about you in a jar... Do you think it's a good idea??? Do you think he'll like it??? :O I have to give it to him earlier than his real day as we are gonna be on a ...

A.   2 October 2014:  I am afraid Chigirl is right. I mean, it's a lovely idea, sweet and thoughtful, but if the boy is your age... he may just feel awkward and embarassed, rather than moved. I think a boy of 13-15 does not have a lot of interest/ tolerance for ... (read in full...)

Living with my husband's family is putting stress on our marriage!

Q.   Hi Aunties,My relationship with my DH went from us being happy and ignorning all of the conflict around us, to him and I arguing about his parents. We live with his parents and sisters so we can save money for a house of our own. His father holds ...

A.   2 October 2014: Didn't you say you are moving out very soon ? ...That should help you manage your frustration. Anything unpleasant, even VERY unpleasant, can be weathered out if you know it's just temporary and there's a change coming soon. Make that " soon " .. a... (read in full...)

The guy I like has an obvious type, and I'm not it. Should I ask him out anyway?

Q.   I fancy someone I know, but his taste in girls is so different to me I'm wondering if it's worth going for it or if I should leave it. He's not my usual "type" (I usually date guys who are quite similiar to me, but he's the stereotypical very ...

A.   2 October 2014:  Why not ? You too, usually don't go for people like him, yet this time you do. People are more multifaceted than we make them , he may be multifaceted too. ( As proven by the fact that he is the "stereotypical very academic type of medical student ... (read in full...)

He's making me feel like a socially awkward loser

Q.   My boyfriend of almost 5.5 years seems to have a problem with the fact I'm close with my family. I have two sisters who I get along with really well, and I also get along with my parents great too. Therefore, I make an effort to see and spend time ...

A.   1 October 2014:  Thank you for detailing, and sorry for having misunderstood. Then no, seeing that you are so busy after work, and that you DO have other people beside your family members to complete your social landscape, and that you do not exclude on prin... (read in full...)

He's making me feel like a socially awkward loser

Q.   My boyfriend of almost 5.5 years seems to have a problem with the fact I'm close with my family. I have two sisters who I get along with really well, and I also get along with my parents great too. Therefore, I make an effort to see and spend time ...

A.   1 October 2014:  What about .. something in between ?. Half family , half friends ? I think it's fantastic that you are so close to your family , and that you all get along so well and enjoy each other's company. It's even enviable ! Maybe your bf's family is the ... (read in full...)

Doesnt he like me? Is he ignoring me? Does he hate me or think that I am boring?

Q.   There is a guy I see on a class once a week. We taled a little bit once, then ten days ago I added him on fb and he accepted my friend request. He liked two of my photos and I one of his. Last week I started two times chatt conversation online w...

A.   1 October 2014:  He does not hate you, why should he ?, and he is not even ignoring you. When he sees you talking with another guy, he does not want to intrude on what may be a private conversation and / or cramp the other guy's stile ( in case he is pursuing you ... (read in full...)

I know I'll never have a proper relationship if I don't cut contact with my old flame ...

Q.   Please bare with me as this will be long! I'm in such a predicament and I'm getting too old for it to be a problem any longer. I was 23 I met someone who no one else has ever come close to. He was everything I looked for in a partner and I kn...

A.   1 October 2014:  A crude but sensible proverb of my area says : Who lives in wait ,dies in shit. Rationally, yours is an unacceptable bet from starters. Would you lend somebody a relevant sum of money on his promise that " perhaps " he is going to reimbour... (read in full...)

I still love her but she's with someone else

Q.   Hello, I've been wondering wether or not ask someone about this for a while, so I'll just go straight into it. I've had feeling a for a girl for many years now, after finally plucking up the courage to tell her how I felt, she unfortunately di...

A.   1 October 2014:  Oh that's a no brainer ( for someone who's not in love with the girl, of course. I know I know :). Think of yourself first. If YOU do not decide what's best for you and how to make it happen, who do you think is going to do it for you ?! The ... (read in full...)

Should I stay or take another break year?

Q.   Hello (I'm 23 he's 24) I met a guy in December last year. We just exchanged contact information and almost a week passed before any of us contacted the other. After about a week of texting, he asked me out. I've dated quite a lot for someone my...

A.   1 October 2014:  No no no . You stay were you are, follow your planned study program , try to make things better if you can and to though them out if you cannot, and reunite after 9 months according to your original plan. First things first, and your studies and ... (read in full...)

He's terminally ill but I have feelings for him. Is it best to walk away?

Q.   I have feelings for an older, terminally ill man. It was a crush at first, we both had serious relationships end (his wife left him and I left my boyfriend) so we'd talk all the time. One night, we were almost intimate but stopped...anyway, I get so ...

A.   1 October 2014:  Maybe my answer is too simplistic, but I think that when a mature adult tells you and /or shows you he wants to be left alone, regardless of his health conditions, ... you do just that, you leave him alone. His illness may make him vuln... (read in full...)

I'm ashamed and embarrassed of the way my family live and I feel that my B/f will judge me based on this

Q.   A new Cindrella story!!!! Any advice, please? I've been dating a man for some time,who is much older than me.After many years of hard work,he managed to have fame and money too through his talent.he's a musician.He's not extravagantly ri...

A.   1 October 2014: I would not worry so much, if I were you. In fact, I would not give it a second thought. First, your guy does not seem the type to give much importance to material possessions, and it does not sound like owns too many himself. Second, that's not ... (read in full...)

Did I overreact to my boyfriend and his question?

Q.   Did I over react? My boyfriend asked a girl to show him a slut drop (this is a dance move according to wikipedia) , which she did in front of me. I think this was inappropriate of him to ask he said he didn't think anymore of it other than he was ...

A.   30 September 2014: I vote for over reacting. I mean, Beyonce does it all the time,... is your bf allowed to watch music videos ? I guess he was joking, or trying to be sassy or witty - after all , you were there too, it's not as if has asked her a private lap danc... (read in full...)

Not interested in being his easy option. But do you think he'll think I led him on?

Q.   Dear Cupid My brother in law recently tried match making me with a single friend of his! This guy started messaging me and things began to flow. He started off pleasant enough but the messages soon started to turn very flirtatious! He kn...

A.   30 September 2014:  I think that he HOPED you'd be that easy- he did try his luck, and he did not get any ( almost. The kiss, remember ? ). Now if he has rejected you or he is going to reject you, I don't think it's because he felt you were leading him on. Prob... (read in full...)

How can this guy just hang out with me and not feel what we have?

Q.   I'm a goner. Someone please help! I started seeing Mr X in June. We met online thru mutual friends (not dating site) at first he was very flirtatious and we talked a lot. It was a good flow. We went out and had a great time. No more then kissin...

A.   30 September 2014: He feels what you have, only what you have means something all different for him than for you . He " has " a pleasant, occasional companion with whom it's nice to spend time every now and then and even nicer have fulfilling, no strings sex. You ... (read in full...)

FWB experts, Here is your Opportunity to share wisdom. How do people make that FWB thing happen?

Q.   Given my personal circumstances, I am exploring, experimenting. I doubt there's any 'risk' [of cheating] at all, though there's other forms of, I like to think 'calculated', risk.] I’m starting to believe that this whole FWB thing is just some m...

A.   30 September 2014:  Not to dismiss your thoughts and worries abiut the issues, eric troy, but, tbh, I don't understand what's the problem, in fact I don't see you would have one. We are all different. You are a kind of person who, to have sex, needs to feel g... (read in full...)

Hardened intuition- trust or not??

Q.   My long distance boyfriend (we are in our late 40s) insists that he is fully committed to me, is exclusive and has plans for us to retire together In 10 years... He was married for a year when he was 19 then played the field as a partying bachelor. ...

A.   30 September 2014:  I agree with all the other posters and I think too he is pulling the wool over your eyes. Anyway, .. I don't even know if this is really the point. I mean, even admitting that his behaviour with these women he's hanging out with was totally abov... (read in full...)

Would he ask me out if he isn't really interested?

Q.   What is going on with this guy?. Someone I know is having an operation this week. He has cancer. He is in hospital at the moment. One of his friends sent me a text message yesterday saying that he hopes his operation will go well ,and I said I ...

A.   30 September 2014:  Yes, he would ask you out if he is not REALLY interested. I mean, define " really "... He is not " really " interested because he barely knows you . But he surely can fancy what he sees !, and want to take it from there and see what deve... (read in full...)

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