A
male
age
41-50,
*eykis101
writes:A confusing scenario, probably simply answered by you guys, and girls, one of my ex girlfriends, who absolutely without a doubt does not want to be with me any longer, has moved on, but shows up when her and her mom or her boyfriend get into an argument or something, she will come hang out with me, I don't try and bang her or anything, she has made it clear we are only friends, but she tells me she cannot sleep, and will want to sleep over, and i frequently wake up and she has her arms wrapped tight around me, and is sleeping with her head on my chest, yet we dont kiss, or do anything, what is the thought process behind this kind of behavior? i'd kind of like to know about this, because the ex girlfriends i dont want anything to do with, I cant think of anything i would want to do less, then sleep over and hold them all night, maybe you can clear this up for me. Thanx
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male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (29 August 2012):
Leykis101 is verified as being by the original poster of the question No, I am more then able to do this, I have just never been struck with this kind of situation before, and I get what you all are saying, I was just very confused that somebody who claimed they didn't still like me, could sleep over and snuggle, and basically hang out with me 24\7, all I could do was try to put it into perspective from my standpoint, and what made sense to me, and that was if she is smothering me 24\7, there must be something to it? either she's not being honest with me, about me, or she's trying to get something from me, that could be anything, very good chance she's not being honest with me, I don't know, but I think that I will cut contact and completely blow her off, just primarily so I can get my head on straight, she makes it extremely difficult, as if I do not answer my phone, she just conveniently shows up at my house, and will eventually catch me slipping if im home and trying to avoid her, as in taking garbage out, running to gas station etc. if she does pin me down, I will just have to be an asshole i guess, since she doesn't seem to comprehend me being nice about it, oh well thank you all.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 August 2012):
 You need to be honest with her and come clean about your intentions. If you want more, then you tell her you want more.
That said, if she says she doesn't want anything but friendship, you need to stop the snuggling and sleep-overs.
And like the others have said, if she does not want more, you need to let her go and tell her no more overnights. If you can't do this, there is no advice we can give to help the situation.
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A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (27 August 2012):
Leykis101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo how do I steer this either way? say I do still like her, is there anyway to take this back to the middle ground? does this have any evidence that I have any way to win her back over? that I still have the power, or am in a place that she can be won back? if not it's cool, I mean I am pretty much accepting and all in all about over the heartache, I realized after giving this some deep thought, that I do like her, I cant tell if it's just as a friend, but I do have fun hanging out with her, can you girls give me any pointers, or just some bad news if you think it's a no go, I realize whats going on, I just figured that I really like her as a person, if she's hanging out like this, does that give me any indication that this is maybe doable? if not, then I am just fine going no contact, because if she's not willing to go the whole way, then I cant have her around, because just like you say, it's not acceptable, and im not going to meet anybody new hanging out with her, but I assure you the second she meets somebody new, she wont have one problem blowing me off for them, or so I think, lol, thank you for baring with me, I will accept whatever you girls say as the final answer on this, I guess im more or less playing devils advocate, what do you think? thanks again.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (24 August 2012):
There are some people in life who will perplex and confuse you continually...if you allow them. All I was saying is that if this situation confuses you, and she will not provide you with any satisfactory answers, you are either going to be stuck in the same situation with no answers, or you are going to decide you need no part of this and move on. That is all in your control. Plus, I don't think any of the women you date will agree to this "sleepover" if they know about it. I certainly would not want to date someone who slept with and held his "ex"...sounds like a mixed up mess to me. I agree with HoneyPie and my first post. If you want to move on, then do so and stop worrying about her behavior. If you don't move on, continue to allow her to do this, and don't press her on the matter...then whatever confusion you have is your own fault. YOU have the power to control this situation.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2012):
 You were "HERS" so she feels a right to still keep taps on you, when you tell her that you were out with xx or did this or that, she assume you are informing her because somehow she sees it as her RIGHT to know..
Sometimes after a break up lines become blurred. She still sees some kind of "ownership" of you that you normally have (and I mean ownership in a pure explanatory way) when you are in a relationship. (not that people in relationships OWN each other but they do BELONG together :) OWNING was just easier to use to explain it. )
If you want to move on, I suggest you cut the contact 100% and stop worrying about why she does the things she does. No one can really know exactly what she is thinking and why. She might not even understand or be aware of some of it herself.
Time to let her go, it's not healthy for either of you.
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A
male
reader, Leykis101 +, writes (24 August 2012):
Leykis101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat blew my mind, when you mentioned she still has some sort of control over my dating life, I never put to much thought into that, let me tell you something, the guy she was seeing was split up with his wife, me and his wife met(by shear fate and chance) well we had relations one time, we both basically knew plain and simple we were devastated and at emotional zero's, and I think we fucked half way to try and make ourselves feel a little happiness in the midst of the pain we were in, and the other half was to get back at our ex's who were banging each other, well my ex since breaking up with this guy, has found out about this, and behind my back has talked with this girl countless times, this girl has told me that my ex constantly texts her about it, asking her questions about it, grilling her about it, why in the hell? I cannot for a single second think of any reason my ex is so gung-ho on discussing this with this girl, plus this girl and her husband have gotten back together, but if it weren't for his wife, I wouldn't even know my ex was doing this, what would be somebody's thought pattern behind constantly trying to discuss me having sex with this girl? and I wouldn't say she is in control of my dating life, but I don't really discuss it with her, and when I do go out with girls, I tell my ex im out with friends, or something, as she seems to get very pissed off when I do talk about girls, I think she's just a bitch and doesn't want me to be with girls, cause she's not with a guy, kind of like misery loves company, is that more then likely her fixation with this angle of my life, and to Bondgirl72, it's not exactly that I do or don't like her holding me when she sleeps over, it's that If im good enough to hold and sleep with, then im good enough to have sex with, and if not, then you shouldn't get either, you know what I mean, cause I cannot even comprehend, going over to one of my ex's that I did not want to be with anymore, and sleeping with them, and holding them, the absolute only way that would happen is if I really did still have feelings for them, and was just saying I didn't, but that's just me, once again, I'd like your incite, it is very helpful, and is doing me much good. thanks again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 August 2012):
You are her security blanket. Someone she can use when she needs a shoulder to cry on and whom she knows won't try and have sex or make it into a relationship. You are Safe.
Maybe she even likes the fact that you are on her beck and call. By doing this she also has some kind of control over YOUR dating life, doesn't she?
I think (unless you enjoy being her security blanket) you need to cut it off. She needs to find better ways to deal with her problems then running to you every time, specially since you two are no longer an item.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 August 2012):
She may be playing games, but you are the one who is ultimately in control of this situation. If you don't want her in your life, then simply tell her that you do not think it is a good idea that she come over, come in, stop by, and/or ask you advice on things. Or, if she would like to get back together with you, that would be fine (if that is what you want), but she can no longer stay over as she has a boyfriend.
However, I get the feeling you like being there for her and have her hold you, or you would have stopped this a long time ago.
The decisions is up to you.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (10 August 2012):
She’s playing games, I’m afraid. She wants to move on and come back to you whenever it suits her, and this is why you’ll only hear from her when she has an argument with her new boyfriend. Do you still have feelings for her? She probably thinks that you do, whatever the answer to that question really is. That’s why she’s playing you and manipulating you: tell her next time it’s the sofa or nothing. Better still, advise her to leave you alone, go home and patch things up.
I wish you all the very best.
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