A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for just under a year, we've been friends for two. Yesterday a friend of his who he hasn't seen for a year due to living the other side of the world came to our town. He didn't really know what time he was meeting his crew so I said keep me informed (I was going to work, he usually picks me up at 4).At 1 o clock he said he was just going out. At 4 he picked me up as normal so only had two hours with his friends. He hardly ever goes out, he could have picked me up at 4 then met them - they wanted him to stay out all night until closing time but he didn't want to. When I first met him he used to go drinking every weekend and now his friends can't believe how much he's change. I feel bad that he'd rather see me when his friend came all that way. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (20 August 2012):
If you were making it difficult for him to see his friend, that would be out of order. However, you shouldn’t feel bad in this case because you weren’t stopping him from spending more time with his friends, so don’t blame yourself for any of this. People do change when they’re in a relationship, but it does seem a shame that he’s distancing himself from his friends in this way, but ultimately it is his choice. All you can do is tell him you don’t mind if he wants to spend more time with them, if only to encourage him to do so. Perhaps if you spent more time with your friends as well, he might feel happier spending more time with his. It might be worth just having a chat with him to encourage him to think about how it looks from his friends’ viewpoint, they probably felt that he hadn’t made much of an effort when some-one had come all that way to see him. They’d have a valid point.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 August 2012):
 Have you spoke to him about this? It is normal for people to change when they first get into a relationship, as you want to spend as much time together as possible. But now you have been together nearly a year, things should be settling down and he should be trying to get back on track with his friends.
Perhaps he might not have realised that he is neglecting his friends, or perhaps he feels that you would be unhappy if he went out and stayed out - so if you talk to him and tell him you think he should spend more time with his friends and you are happy for him to do so then he might go out a bit more.
None of this is your fault, so you shouldnt feel bad, but it might help if you talk to him and encourage him to see his friends more, so he feels like you are happy for him to do this.
Good luck!
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