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If he takes days to respond, is he not interested?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Online dating, Sex, Social Media, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 April 2019) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 April 2019)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this guy online a few months ago, we live an hour away from each other. We were talking casually for about a month before meeting up. We had a great date and ended up hooking up afterwards. I wasn't planning on it but it sort of happened when he spent the night. We still talked after that and added each other on social media. He sends me little jokes and stuff about things we laughed about so he still wants to talk to me.

We tried to meet up again but its difficult to coordinate because we have opposite schedules. I've been asking to him come up again and he's been taking days to respond to me. I can see that he's "read" the message after a few hours but won't get back to me right away. He did ask me out a couple times but it was always on the days that I was working. I told him that I am only off on the weekends when we had our date a few months ago and he keeps proposing to do things on weekdays. I am not sure if he just forgot or if this is just his strategy. He seems like a good guy but I don't know, he could be playing me. Any insight would be appreciated thanks!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 April 2019):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree, IF he was really interested, he would AT LEAST reply and not leave you "on red" until it suits HIM to answer.

I'd look elsewhere for someone you can ACTUALLY get to know in person.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (13 April 2019):

N91 agony auntOkay so how do you expect to meet again anyways if your schedules don’t work? To be honest, that’s the least of your worries, if someone can’t reply to your messages the same day, they’re really not interested, it’s as simple as that.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2019):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I should add that he works weekends in the evening (he's a server) and also has another job so it's difficult for him to have a completely "free" day. The one time he came up was on a Wednesday night. It wasn't ideal for me but I agreed because I wanted to see him

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A female reader, krystal_watz India +, writes (12 April 2019):

Hi Code_reader,

I understand what you're trying to say, and ye she has the right o cut me off if she so wishes.

But then I disagree with you that this isn't controlling behaviour. Emotional blackmail is also a form of control, is it not? Especially when it is about something so trivial.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (12 April 2019):

N91 agony auntIf you’ve clearly told him you can only do weekends only and he’s ‘forgetting’ that information then it’s pretty obvious he doesn’t want to meet up. Not only that but who seriously takes days to respond? This is just common sense really, someone that wants to speak to you will do. If he wanted to meet you again he would do WHATEVER it took to do so.

My guess is he’s got what he wanted and now he’s doing the bare minimum until contact drops completely.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (12 April 2019):

CindyCares agony aunt First thing personally I would think , it's that he has regular committments on weekends - like a girlfriend or anyway someone whom he is seeing regularly; that weekend time when you hooked up was an once off, but he is not free to repeat it at leisure. Yeah technically he may have forgotten that you are only free on weekends but I have noticed that when it's a matter of getting laid people are generally very good at remembering schedules , plus I guess you will have reminded him about your schedule when he suggested meeting up on weekdays ( " I can't because I am only free on weekends !" as opposed to a rather brusque " No I can't "- period ).

Otherwise, he might be technically unattached, but still not inclined to " sacrifice " his weekends for you- maybe he devotes his weekends to hanging out with his buddies or playing sports or walking his dog , whatever,- anyway it woild take a very special someone to make him give up his weekend routine and I am afraid that in his mind you are not special enough - not weekend material. I believe that when there's a will there's a way, and that when people really WANT to make something happen, - they just do. Even when it's difficult. Imagine when it's a matter of finding some time for a girl who lives only one hour away. It does not take months, trust me.

I am not saying that he is necessarily a bad guy or that he is necessarily " playing " you, just that he is probably much less interested than you in making things work between you. It sounds like for him it's very casyal, if you can fit into HIS life at HOS conveniemce, cool- otherwise, no big deal, it's not something he wants to make efforts about.

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