My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 12 April 2022: Good for you to have had the chat with her and perhaps "making" her see why you felt it wasn't realistic. I get why she got upset, I'm sure she has a lot more faith in her brother, but I think she needed to hear that. Also, imagine the Brother's GF ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend’s coworker keeps asking him to cheat on me with her, and he keeps saying no. what do I do?
Q. Earlier this week, my boyfriend told me that he has a coworker that has been flirting with him all the time. she finally asked him to meet with her outside of work, and he did. (it was just next door at a food place). she somehow knew that we’ve ...
A. 11 April 2022: Your BF needs to tell her if she doesn't stop this, he will have to take it to their boss.
This is borderline sexual harassment. which is NOT to be tolerated at work.
Also, your BF is fibbing. HE has told her about the issues you two have. Or... (read in full...)
Husband is addicted to magic game and I am sick of it
Q. My (29F) husband (31 M) is addicted to Magic: The Gathering, is ruining our relationship and finances Some background: My husband and I met in our early 20s and have been together cumulatively for 8 years. We have been married for 3. He has played...
A. 11 April 2022: Well, for one I think you two NEED to have a sit-down and do a budget.
He can set aside money for his cards/game and you can set aside money for your hobby (even though cooking benefits you both).
You NEED to tell him just this:" I am fee... (read in full...)
Should I go to the wedding of an ex best friend that I can't stand?
Q. I have a friend, Pamela, from highschool that I haven't seen in years. She wasn't a real friend, when I was being bullied, she prefered to stay friends with them and even acted as if she wasn't that close to me, which hurt me and I'm glad I went to ...
A. 10 April 2022: I agree!!!
"I have to ask this: why can't you just say "no thanks" and walk away?"
Just say no. And then you block her! She isn't a friend, she is pestering you for whatever reason.
And because you won't just tell her no, you are now in t... (read in full...)
Niece wants to live with us after graduation
Q. Niece (17f) wants to live with me (30f) and my husband (33m) when she graduates My husband and I are planning on getting a "fresh start" at the end of the year after saving money for a down payment. My niece is graduating high school soon over...
A. 10 April 2022: The biggest question is this, DO you really WANT to do this? Does your hubby?
What is the niece going to be doing for work? Does she have any real qualifications? (my guess is no)
And why are you now have to take on the parental role?
... (read in full...)
Could my friend be toxic?
Q. I am a young 27 year old entrepreneur and my time at this point in my career is so important to me as I'll be launching my business in a few months. I am single and freshly out of a tumultuous 2 relationship with a narcissist so I have been tryi...
A. 9 April 2022:
Let the "friendship" run its course. Just be less and less available.
Put her number on silence or block it and if she later contacts you through other means give a low battery, gotta go excuse.
Or when you are good and ready to "dump"... (read in full...)
She cancelled our first date because of who I follow on Instagram
Q. I'm 34 and she's 24. We matched on Tinder, eventually transitioned into Instagram, then started texting,and she let me know she prefers talking on the phone. I gave her a call, we talked for nearly 2 hours, finally set up our first date and I was ...
A. 9 April 2022: Yep to Ruby's answer.
"Yes, for many women this viewpoint is normal. "
If I was on the "dating market" looking for someone to spend time with long-term, so a partner, not a casual fling or hook up, I would WANT to ensure that HIS values, mora... (read in full...)
My girlfriend recently came out as non-binary
Q. I have been dating my girlfriend for around two years now and we plan on staying together for the long run. Quite recently she (whom from this point on I will use gender neutral pronouns with) has come out as non-binary. They don't identify as a ...
A. 9 April 2022: "How do I deal with this change and most importantly accommodate them to make sure they feel comfortable at all times around me?"
Talk to her.
But also consider that YOU need to be comfortable too. So the two of you need to ask questions of eac... (read in full...)
My boyfriend contacted his ex during a trip
Q. Hi DC Aunts and Uncles. I have come here for some advice. Maybe I myself already know the answer but I want to get some input from you. So my boyfriend of 2 mths went on a trip with his friends and just returned home. During his trip away he was...
A. 8 April 2022: "If I ask him about it, he will know I looked at his mobile."
Well, you DID look!
BUT you can avoid owning your own actions if you don't want to by just telling him that you don't think it's going to work out, wish him GOOD luck with his li... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 8 April 2022: Let us know how the chat goes.
I hope she will realize that she is babying her Brother and that isn't helping him, her, OR the relationship.
... (read in full...)
My dad drove my car drunk
Q. My dad came to my area for a short vacation and is staying at my place. I have to work from home during the day so I let him borrow my car. Today he met up with a friend who works at a bar. The friend served him cocktails and then my dad drove home ...
A. 7 April 2022: Bye Bye, dad. In the morning ask him to leave. At least that is what I would do. It's absolutely unacceptable for a GROWN ass man to think it's "funny" to drive drunk and it's absolutely unacceptable to verbally abuse you when you tell him that... (read in full...)
The mystery of friends son
Q. Hi guys! I would appreciate some help with understanding a, for me, strange situation. About 11 years ago, my husband and I met a couple and we started hanging out together. We had a lot of in common, including a country house in the same neck o...
A. 7 April 2022: I mostly agree with WiseOwle,
You don't know what happened and what their story of Sam is. You know something is off, but it's also NOT your business. It's their family. THEY can choose what THEY want you to know.
Could have been an insane c... (read in full...)
My partner is drinking too much. How can I help him?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 10 years and he's always liked a drink. Recently though I've become really worried about how much. Throughout the week he will drink vodka, he started putting weight on about 2 years ago when he switched from...
A. 6 April 2022: He is an alcoholic. A high-functioning one.
At some point, he will just be an alcoholic.
He drinks 9 LITERS of alcohol a week! That is ridiculous!
Is he trying to kill himself? Smash his liver to a point of liver failure?
I would sugg... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 6 April 2022: Actually, OP
I really enjoy all the updates, it gives a better perspective of what is going on. So never feel that you shouldn't do that! It's great.
One thing I have learned in my long-ish marriage (we are at 25 years this year) is that be... (read in full...)
Should I be worried about my partner being defensive about his cell phone?
Q. So me and my partner are both in our early 30's. We've been together for nearly 10 years but its probably been the most stressful time of my life. I do love and care about him. Im alwayd hoping things will get better. He cant hold onto a job more ...
A. 6 April 2022: You are worried about his protectiveness of his phone?!
Sorry, that should be the least of your worries!
You have been together for 10 years and he has cheated on you, gotten an STI, lied to you, and can't keep a job! HOW is that being a goo... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's brother is a problem
Q. I have been seeing my partner for almost 2 years, and our conversation is now turning to moving in together. We both have our own houses and the plan is that I will move in hers and rent mine out. Decision based in part on her work commute, I work ...
A. 5 April 2022: I think FA hit ALL the important points.
You do NOT have an issue with the Brother, you are NOT dating the Brother.
SHE is being wishy-washy with her Brother and babying him because it GIVES her another 18 months to NOT move in with you.
IF ... (read in full...)
I want out of this marriage
Q. I'm trapped and don't know what to do. I want out of my marriage but don't know how I can do it, my partner is a good bit older than I am 17 years my senior, and goes from being over attentive and loving to cold and completely degrades me usua...
A. 4 April 2022: "Yes he does work hard, and deserves to reap the rewards, but that doesn't mean he gets to abuse me does it?"
Absolutely not!
No.
My advice? Seek legal help. If you can't afford it, seek if Citizen's Advice can help you out.
You are marr... (read in full...)
I think my mom likes my sister better
Q. I think my mom likes my sister more than me you may be asking why? How do you know that? Well, I have some observations that will tell you how I think that my mom like my sister better. First of all, whenever me and my sister get into some kind o...
A. 4 April 2022: Are you the older sister?
If so, it's not uncommon for parents to have "higher expectations" and different rules for the oldest child. Totally unfair, but not uncommon.
I have 3 daughters and I love them all unconditionally, I have no favorite... (read in full...)
Fancy me?
Q. I really need help -I need to know whether this guy fancy me or he is checking something else: Scenario 1: He'd be checking me - noticing little things that I wear... but may be it is his job as he is the big boss... Scenario 2: Since I've kn...
A. 3 April 2022: OK, OP
YOU need a huge dose of chill the F out!
You JUSt landed a new job. That LAST thing you should concern yourself with is whether he "fancies" you or not.
Be more professional, OP
You come off as if you live in some romance novel, ... (read in full...)
How can we get help while in China?
Q. We're an American expat couple who've been in China since 2018 when my husband got a promotion and we moved there for his new job. No kids, just us two. I'm a "trailing spouse" and legally can't work. Well, I could work under the table but we'd b...
A. 3 April 2022: Hi there,
Might have to wait it out until the contract ends. It's "only" 2 more months. I would presume it's possible to leave China once his contract is over. BUT... It's impossible for most people to know what you guys can do.
However, IF I... (read in full...)
My son looks at gay porn on his phone
Q. My 15-year-old son went to school recently and left his phone at home. I know I shouldn’t have done it, but despite myself I had a look through it. He’s always on it and I guess I just wanted to see what sort of thing he was looking at and t...
A. 3 April 2022: One option is to, get him a flip phone that he can call and text from, no more internet access kind of phone.
While 15 year olds are naturally curious - porn is NOT the way to learn about sex or relationships.
Yes, your son might be gay or ... (read in full...)
I cant deal with the behaviors of my son and husband
Q. I've become very concerned about my husband and son's behavior recently. My son is 14 and learning from my husband it's OK to imitate Kanye West's behavior, the two of them have suddenly become very misogynistic and make crude jokes, and spamm...
A. 3 April 2022: Hello again, prolific fantasy writer.
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is regressing back to a teenager
Q. I’m a 28-year-old woman and I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years after meeting during our first year at university. We had a daughter four years ago, which wasn’t planned, but we both adore her. My problem is, while I’ve matured and take...
A. 3 April 2022: 1. OP there needs to be a rule about NO FU|CK|IN|G smoking in the house and around the kid!
Your child doesn't need to be exposed to secondhand smoking!
As for what taking up smoking might mean? Who knows? Maybe to alleviate stress or becaus... (read in full...)
Is my husband having a mid life crisis?
Q. I’m think my husband could be having some sort of midlife crisis. He’s 45 and during our state's lockdown had become obsessed by fitness, and lifts weights and runs every day. At first, I thought it was a good thing, but now he’s become critical ...
A. 3 April 2022: Have you ever met a former smoker? 90% of the people I know who quit smoking would just not SHUT up about how bad smoking is, and how awesome they are for having quit, etc. And while I fully agree that smoking is a nasty and dumb habit to get into, ... (read in full...)
My partner left me for a man
Q. I am in bits after my partner announced he developed feelings for men but kept them bottled up for years. He feels better for telling me and insists he still loves me — but has met someone else recently who he loves as well. I am 48 and my ...
A. 1 April 2022: "We have been together for 25 years and engaged for 20."
What? 20 year engagement? Talk about dragging his feet!
"We're not actually divorced, but it feels like we're living as a divorced couple."
And no, you are not divorced because you... (read in full...)
My husband left me for my friend
Q. My husband left me for one of my close friends. Not my best friend, but someone I've known since I was 18. He admitted he's been dating her since February, not even that long for it to be an affair! He's known her since he was 26 and I introduced...
A. 31 March 2022: First step lawyer.
Secondly, get your kids to talk to someone "neutral" both you and your husband are perhaps doing some parent alienation here. While I understand your anger, the kids don't need to be dragged into this mess your husband created.... (read in full...)
My fiancé wants us to move to New York
Q. Hello. I've been with my fiance for 4 years, but only engaged since February. Last night he told me he had made a decision which would change our life massively; he said he wanted to move to New York City and get a job in Broadway. On-...
A. 30 March 2022: First off the theater business in NY is on life-support at the moment due to Covid and over 2 years of being almost totally shut down.
So your fiance thinking he can just waltz in a get a job that pays enough to live in "East Village or part of ... (read in full...)
We're thinking of retiring in London
Q. Hello there. Me and my husband have been discussing retirement plans, as he's retiring in July. Looking forward to that. What he wants to do is retire to London, and spend time enjoying the city; he also wants to spend time with American expa...
A. 30 March 2022: I lived and worked in London from 1989-90 and loved it. But I was also VERY young and London was a different place than it is today.
First off, I get the dream. I have traveled a lot and have dreamed of living "there" or "there" many times. R... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 29 March 2022: Best of luck, OP!
And know this, from reading your original post it was clear that you actually understood what was going on, but you didn't see it clearly because you were (are) too close to it.
So your instincts are spot on!
I'm not s... (read in full...)
My boyfriend told me he tried swinging two years into our relationship. Is this a dealbreaker?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I love him. I thought I knew all there was to know about his history when he revealed to me he had taken part in a swinger's party when he was younger. Whoa, hold on a minute Fred!!! I was tongue tied and...
A. 29 March 2022: "Could this be a dealbreaker?"
That is entirely up to you and YOUR preferences and boundaries.
"He tried it once, who is to say he will not want to do it again? He told me he did it but did not like it and never did it again."
That ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never wants to spend time with me
Q. I don't really know how to start this off so here I go, me and my boyfriend live about 23 minutes away from each other, I'm 15 he's 16. lately I've been feeling like he doesn't want to hang out with me and when we text he's super dry, ill send ...
A. 28 March 2022: Hi OP,
I think your BF "wants" a GF, he just doesn't want to put in the effort and work that an actual relationship takes.
That might be because he has no experience in relationships, in being a good BF or because he can't be arsed.
One th... (read in full...)
How can I handle this so that she learns what she needs to learn without making it too awful for both of us
Q. Hi everyone I found my girlfriend of 6 months has been cheating on me for the last month. So i'm going to break up with her, I just don't know what is the best way to do it. I'm a bit older (29), than her (22), so her being a bit immature and ...
A. 28 March 2022: Yeah, I'm with Ruby.
How did you find out?
And you are sure this isn't a brother? That it is romantic?
Yes, some of it can be chalked up to immaturity, sure. However, I know many people who have NEVER cheated in their 20's. Who for cert... (read in full...)
What's the deal with my husband and his sexual preferences?
Q. I'm 40, married for 7 years, one child who's 5 years old. I have a wonderful relationship with my husband; we're very happy with our daughter and our life. We have a good sex life. My husband in his day-to-day life is the very serious professo...
A. 28 March 2022: I think it's OK ( if not awesome) to SHARE your fantasies and explorations with your spouse. However, I ALSO think it's OK to set some boundaries if there are things HE wants to do that you DO NOT. (or vice versa).
I think having a chat (when NO... (read in full...)
How can I negotiate us back to friends?
Q. I really wasn't sure how I was going to write this but I know this was a mistake that I wish I thought more about. I met a man from the Philippines online through a game we played together, we chatted on and off throughout the game and we beca...
A. 27 March 2022: Hi OP,
I think in this case you need to accept that you can't go "back" to just be friends. You might WANT that. HE doesn't.
I think that has to do with the fact that YOU have accepted reality. That you two in fact CAN NOT really have a re... (read in full...)
Oral sex and the boyfriend
Q. My question is about blow jobs with my boyfriend. A while ago he told me he thought they were overrated and he's never been interested in receiving them from anybody he's been with. I didn't think it was because I did them badly because I've bee...
A. 25 March 2022: What he said, THAT you didn't listen to, was HE isn't into blowjobs.
You thought because other partners before him liked it, that he is a male, HE should too.
Everyone has preferences.
While it is rarer ( I think) for men to not enjoy ora... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he’s not bothered that I cheated, is he just playing mind games?
Q. I told my boyfriend last week that I cheated on him and he didn’t get upset or angry, or even seem the slightest bit bothered at all. Ever since he’s just carried on as normal and says we should just forget about it and move on. Now I can’t tell if ...
A. 25 March 2022: "Is he a cuckold or polyamorous? Is he now expecting a free pass to be able to have revenge sex?"
Only HE can answer these questions.
Could be that he isn't as invested in the relationship, or that he too has cheated, or that he wants to date... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 25 March 2022: So he met you, started dating you then dumped her and just monkey-branched from her to you?
If so, I would not be surprised that he could go back to her if you don't turn out to be (in his eyes) "better" or "easier" to date.
NEVER date so... (read in full...)
My mother lacks empathy for me
Q. I am sorry for this long message but I am hurting. I have reached a point in my life where my I am very much disgusted with my mother's mentality. More and more I see a toxic woman who never see her toxic ways. I was reflecting on my life, and ...
A. 25 March 2022: "How can I build a relationship with my mother if she lacks empathy for me?"
By accepting that THIS is who she is. She isn't that "fantasy mom" you would have liked to have or hoped she would be.
Instead, she is "this person".
That... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's 'your friends or me' ultimatum
Q. looking for some advice on a particularly toxic situation in my relationship I have been with my partner for just shy of 2 years. a few months ago she found some screenshots of a conversation I had had with a female friend of mine which crossed th...
A. 25 March 2022: Well, OP
I don't blame her for this. Sure, it happened before you started dating her, but she has NO chance of knowing it happened because you really rather be with this other woman. That she is just the "consolation prize", the second choice, ... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 24 March 2022: Hi OP,
Thanks for the follow up.
""only thing keeping me sane right now." "
Sounds like a "woe is me" kind of thing to say, to garner sympathy. Why would he need sympathy from his ex, is the question.
Did he mention you at all? Mention a... (read in full...)
My husband's former mistress now lives across the street
Q. My fiancé and I have been together for almost 5 years. 2 years ago we bought our first house together. Now, 4 years before we met he was married and cheated on his wife. He never kept this from me and was always honest about it. He was unha...
A. 23 March 2022: For me there is only one solution, Selling and moving.
I would not want to TRY and pretend that it doesn't worry me. This is just not good at all for your relationship.
Does it mean you don't trust him?
Yeah, somewhat but it's not UN... (read in full...)
I found emails between my boyfriend and his ex
Q. Hi all. I have a question. I am not sure if it's something I should be worried about. My boyfriend moved to my area a month ago and we have been exclusively dating. We enjoy each other's company and get on well. When we have sex, he doesn't reall...
A. 23 March 2022: Some people are cordial with exes, or a single ex. Some cut all contact. It really varies.
I think unless he also stated to her that HE misses her and all that jazz that he is probably being polite. People can be dense when it comes to this.
... (read in full...)
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