A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend, Pamela, from highschool that I haven't seen in years. She wasn't a real friend, when I was being bullied, she prefered to stay friends with them and even acted as if she wasn't that close to me, which hurt me and I'm glad I went to another school where we parted ways. Now the girl is getting married and she literally wont leave me alone with her wedding stuff. It's uncomfortable because when I first declined, she changed the date so I could go. She finds annoying ways to counteract my excuses so I don't even know how to come up with something. She has a destination wedding, one in the city and another one. I can't...This girl didn't even show up when I gave birth to any of my 3 babies and somehow she even wanted me to throw her bachelorette party. Is she blind to the fact that she didn't even earn my friendship?. We rarely talk, I haven't even met her man, and to add to this, I've gone to weddings before that I regret till this day. My husband had told me that we should go and just say yes because she insisted so much, but now it's really getting to me how she doesn't care about respect. She hasn't even sent me the invite, and the wedding is in a few days, but she called me and somehow she wants to put the responsability on me to go pick it up which is so disrespectful. I don't have time for this stuff. What would you do? Would you suck it up and go even though you're feeling all of this? What is a very good excuse to not attend this wedding?
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best friend, bullied, my ex, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (12 April 2022):
 I agree with the other aunts here, just simply walk away. You can do exactly what you want to do, you are your own person, you are not in school anymore under the infuence of her and the bullies she was friends with.
By your own admission you say she is being disrespectful with wanting you to go and pick up the invitation, and i would agree.
I don't think you even need to offer an explanation, she is not a close friend. Just step up to the plate and tell her you can't make it, that is all you need to do.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2022): I just want to add that if you've led her to believe for a long time that you will be present in a V.I.P role e.g. ( married maid of honor) or bridesmaid or other appointed position then of course it would be just plain unkind to back out at the last minute.
Because it would disrupt the continuity of events.
So unless you were a covid risk...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2022): You don't need an excuse.
You just don't show up.
No explanation.
On her big day is she really going to notice that you're not there?
Well, you can hope she notices but the chances are that she is so self absorbed she won't even notice.
And when she finally realises she can cross you off her friends list for ever.
I don't understand why you should attend when you don't even like her?
This is the gift you need.
This is the gift that keeps on giving.
You and hubby have a lovely guilt free day at home doing something you both enjoy or go shopping to the supermarket etc.
She gets to loose a non-friend quite painlessly.
You switch your phone off or change chips or tell her: so sorry we couldn't make it ..we've been married so long we just forgot about it...You know how it is? No we didn't get you a gift..we wanted you to enjoy the gift of love, nothing material!'
If she is such a useless friend how do you know she doesn't have someone making a wedding speech that includes jokes about your school days?
No, you don't attend.
You walk away from this situation and it ends once and for all.
You are under no obligation to be there.
You're not even family.
Ive found that even quite decent people can keep on with the same old miserable jokes at someone else's expense as if they have nothing else at all to say or do in their lives.
Time to quit being in their audience.
In fact people can be mind blowing in the way they need to niche you even after you've long moved on.
After 3 babies how can this non friend expect to have any emotional leverage over you, unless of course you think she'll have an all out tantrum at the alter and even if she does you'll probably be sent a video link to her social media by some other well meaning non-friend.
So hush now, don't you worry about a thing, you don't missing nothing you need! You have what you need in your life already!
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (10 April 2022):
 I agree with youcannotbeserious and honeypie. Shes not a friend so why are you agonizing over this? Stop letting her make you feel guilty because you dont like her. Just politely say no thanks. The wise aunts gave perfect excuses. Your children...whether one is sick, covid teething or you just cant find a babysitter that you trust..put your food down and make it clear you wont be attending. Wish her well and then block her from everything. Life is short darling. Why be around people you dont like or trust??
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 April 2022):
 I agree!!!
"I have to ask this: why can't you just say "no thanks" and walk away?"
Just say no. And then you block her! She isn't a friend, she is pestering you for whatever reason.
And because you won't just tell her no, you are now in this predicament.
Learn to say no, OP
Learn to set some boundaries.
Tell the Bride to be one of the kids is sick and you worry it's Covid. So you all need to quarenteen. Hope she has a lovely day... and after the wedding BLOCK her and remove her from all social media. It's not too hard.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 April 2022):
 I have to ask this: why can't you just say "no thanks" and walk away?
Going to someone's wedding is optional, not compulsory. We go to help them celebrate because they are family/friends and we have history with them. None of this applies to your so-called friend.
You've heard the saying, "to have a friend you need to be a friend"? I suspect she is being this insistent that you attend because she has few real friends.
If you really need an excuse not to attend the wedding, how hard can it be to think of one when you have 3 children? You can't bring the children because one is ill or teething or something and you can't get a baby sitter. End of.
Going forward, you need to learn to set boundaries, especially with people who are not close to you. Stop being afraid to put yourself first. You deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2022): I would refuse to go. You don't need a reason. Just that you are busy and do not get into explaining who or what you are supposedly busy with. The fact that you feel you have to go or explain it all shows you are allowing her to sort of bully you again. Remember that this is not such a big deal, but your anxiety is taking over, that and the memories of the past. Husband does not understand.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2022): One word. Covid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2022): In short, no I would not.
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