A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend for around two years now and we plan on staying together for the long run. Quite recently she (whom from this point on I will use gender neutral pronouns with) has come out as non-binary. They don't identify as a man, but just don't fully identify as a woman either. I completely support their decision, but I certainly was surprised on hearing about this. This doesn't affect how we feel about each other, at least I don't think so, it's just something I wasn't completely prepared for.The way they describe it, they identify mostly with feminine traits, but also feel partly androgynous (no gender, although I'm not sure exactly what that means). They are also considering about potentially getting a chest binder for days where they feel androgynous. I am a cisgender male who until very recently was not aware of gender issues outside of being male and identifying as a woman or vice versa, so this mix of somewhere in the middle is all really new to me. They are straight and have no attachment to women, it's just the gender issue.I also had this worry going through my mind: If you go out for a valentines date, do you need your partner to dress up in a little black dress with perfect makeup, so all the other guys who see the two of you will get jealous? How would you feel if they felt like a good valentines date was dressing up in matching three piece suits?I don't know because I haven't asked but am too embarrassed to!!I searched this website (and others) for a similar situation and drew a total blank. I'm wondering if anyone has had (or knows about) a similar experience and can share their story. I love my girlfriend very much and this doesn't change the fact, I just don't know exactly how to go about dealing with this change.Also, there's something else thrown into the mix; we live in a Great Plains state, not exactly an area known for LGBT culture and being non-binary etc. isn't much known about, or if it is, it's the subject of jokes.I mean it's not like we live in LA or San Francisco where it's acceptable to be gay or queer or any gender identity. North Dakota's more traditional, especially in our small town.tl;dr: Girlfriend recently came out as non-binary, part feminine part androgynous (no gender). How do I deal with this change and most importantly accommodate them to make sure they feel comfortable at all times around me?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 April 2022):
 "How do I deal with this change and most importantly accommodate them to make sure they feel comfortable at all times around me?"
Talk to her.
But also consider that YOU need to be comfortable too. So the two of you need to ask questions of each other and talk to each other so you are on the same page.
It's unrealistic that you will "just" adapt to this new "state" of being without having to question things and figure out things.
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