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*8years agony aunt


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*8years's profile:

Yes, I'm an old bag. Married since dinosaurs walked the earth. I am a trained and degreed artist by trade. I'm no genius, but I like to think I am (I blame my blondness for any and all mistakes.) I play 5 instruments, one of which is the organ because my parents wanted me to be popular.

My soapboxes: I don't like whiners. I think a lot of parents let the inmates run the asylum. Marriage is forever. God is there for us if we only remember to talk to Him now and then.

Yes, I changed my picture- there were suddenly a lotta eyeball pix! LOL

123456Next > [6 pages, 201 answers]

Why do women have checklists for potential boyfriends? Is it all about box ticking?

Q.   Ok so this is really a question for men who have been through the same thing and women who have told a guy this and what it really meant for them. I'm in love with this girl for quite some time now. She is my best friend. So much so that I d...

A.   12 September 2009: Sometimes, when you get stuck in the "friend" zone, it's up to you to get out. I would try one huge last ditch effort: dinner with roses, candles and romance, a verbal proposal. You owe it to yourself to see if she responds to your declarations of ... (read in full...)

I want to get closer to him but don't want him to think I'm feeling sorry for him

Q.   I have been in a troubled relationship and noticed it morewhen I started developing a crush on my hairdresser - single parent. His dad died of prostrate cancer. It never went anywhere the crush I believe was two ways as I could tell by the way he ...

A.   12 September 2009: Hi Honey, I'm glad you can recognize a crush for what it really is - a fantasy. He probably sees hundreds of lonely women every month, and please remember that hairdressers work for tips and that their concern over you may be just a professi... (read in full...)

Do I have a chance with this 40 year old bachelor? Or is he too set in his ways?

Q.   I play bowls each week with 2 guys who are mates. They are both 40, never married and not had girlfriends for at least 10 years. They seem to be terrified of dating women. They are attractive and I have noticed women come on to them but it seems to ...

A.   3 June 2009: Do these 2 live together? Do they wear matching clothes?... (read in full...)

I don't want to feel like a cheat!

Q.   I DON'T WANT TO FEEL LIKE A CHEAT! I am visiting my LDR boyfriend who I love dearly this weekend. As coincedence has it - there is another guy who I know from the same town who I havn't seen for ages but he desperately wants to meet up with me. Ther...

A.   3 June 2009: You're not married. You are free to meet and see anyone you want to. If your LDR wants to keep you to himself, tell him to put a ring on your finger.... (read in full...)

When should I tell him? Before we meet, or in person?

Q.   Hi, I have asked a couple of questions before and want to thank firsthand for the good answers. I met this guy by accident, over the phone, it was a work related conversation that led to talk about us and exchange phone numbers. I called him a co...

A.   3 June 2009: What if he shows up in a wheelchair wearing a hairpiece? What then?... (read in full...)

Wanting a baby with an older husband...

Q.   How do I get my 55 year old husband to want a baby with me? I just turned 30. We have been married only 2 and a half years but I want one real bad. He is not sure. We already adopted his grandson permanently and he is a nice 7 year old boy. I'm not ...

A.   3 June 2009: Babies are a blessing... and a gift. They are also noisy and require a lotta money and work. Assuming you didn't discuss this with your hubby before marriage, or that you changed your mind, you must decide how badly you want to have his chil... (read in full...)

I can't I seem to forgive him? Please help me! He is the love of my life!

Q.   To keep this to the point here are the facts: Subject: I can't seem to forgive or forget my boyfriends past actions. Term: dating about 18 months Actions: one incident of text flirting with a local girl, one incident of sexual email exchang...

A.   3 June 2009: I've 3 thoughts : 1) You were just as naughty by trying to lure him into a sexual conversation as you pretended to be someone else... 2) If you look for problems, you will find them. 3) The sexy texts are bothersome. Unless he apologized p... (read in full...)

I really fancy my best friend

Q.   I met my friend nearly 20 years ago. When we first met she was married but the marriage was pretty much over by that time. I had an affair with her that lasted 6 months and its was fantastic. I helped her through the marriage breakup and then she ...

A.   3 June 2009: If you fancy her that much, then GO FOR IT. Don't give up. Keep pursuing and wooing her. If she turns you away, at least you'll know where you stand. If she doesn't, you'll be glad you listened to me. ... (read in full...)

Is the chase over or is he gradually getting used to our relationship?

Q.   I need some advice. I have been seeing this man for a couple of months. Everything was going great. I guess they chase you in the beginning. I know he is really a busy man but now he is calling less often. What does that mean? Is he just getting ...

A.   3 June 2009: If you see a man for a couple of months, and he calls less often, it is likely that he's not interested in you. I'm sorry to say what you already know in your heart. By all means, go out and see others until you find the one who won't stop ... (read in full...)

He wants a threesome and I DON'T!!!

Q.   I'm a 25 year old woman and my husband's 26. We've been married for He told me that he wants a threesome with me and another guy involved. I told him outright no, but he insisted we should do it. I asked him if this was just a ruse so he could...

A.   22 May 2009: This sort of thing is more common that it used to be when I was younger... I would shame him into thinking that he was just a trend follower... and ask him with one eyebrow raised, "..and what happens if I like him better than I like you, dear?".. I ... (read in full...)

How can I force my girlfriend into dropping some weight?

Q.   Ive been dating my girlfriend off and on for two years. We are both in our 40's and she is a couple of years older than me and has two grown up kids. We get on really great and spend a lot of time together, although we don't live together. She is a...

A.   22 May 2009: Manimal is right. Looks do matter. It's a fact of life. However, anytime anyone posts a question asking how can they change someone else, I just laugh.... (read in full...)

"Dearest" in an email.... what does this mean?

Q.   My Husband was exchanging some fishy emails with a female co worker a while ago, we sorted that out eventually and he promised he will stop that, just yesterday I found an email from her addressing him with "dearest", what's this, what does that ...

A.   22 May 2009: I'd say she was losing him. The loser tries harder and more blatantly. Take it as a good sign that your fella has retreated to your side, and then, REWARD the man.... (read in full...)

How can I forgive myself for something that I have done?

Q.   Hi i just have a short post. Can anyone help learn how to forgive myself for a wrong thing i have done, im living a nitemare, i need some help xxxxx...

A.   22 May 2009: Did you kill someone?... (read in full...)

Does it sound like my boyfriend is interested again?

Q.   After dating for over a year, my boyfriend breaks up with me. In the first month, I tried everything to get him back. Then I completely backed off. A week later, he made up an excuse to come over and see me. A week after that, he called me. Now, ...

A.   22 May 2009: Mama always said, never go back after a break up - it never works cuz you just go through the whole relationship issue again only a little faster, and then you've wasted more time within a relationship that was unsatisfying to one or both of you.... (read in full...)

I'm wondering if he's cheating..he won't have sex, says its because I'm being mean!

Q.   Ok I have asked a few questions on here before and I got another! I got to start off saying I love my boyfriend very much all and all we have a good relationship! Except he has lied to me that I know of once involving another girl! He was not ...

A.   22 May 2009: Wow, you are in trouble,,,and you've got 3 18-year contracts with this bum. Trust your've seen this behavior before with him... you know what's coming. Do whatever you can to protect your children and ensure that they have a... (read in full...)

Is he at it with me or is he telling the truth?

Q.   I'm heartbroken, I've driven the man I cherish away, we have been together nearly 2 years, he told me he was seperated, i thought it was strange he never wanted me to meet his family and he always hid my things when his friends came to stay, he said ...

A.   22 May 2009: Sweetheart, you already know the truth and it hurts like hell. You are the second choice, and he won't ever marry you. The fun for him is having you all besotted for him and still keeping his wife. This man is a creep who has lied to both of you. ... (read in full...)

Should I keep trying to make this relationship work?

Q.   Should I keep trying to make this relationship work? I have known my partner for 9 years. We are in late 30s ealry 40s. We nearly got together twice before but remained close friends and then finally three years ago we did. She had many partners...

A.   22 May 2009: I know you're hurting and your jealousy overwhelms you, but keep in mind that jealousy colors your feelings - suddenly she was the best ever, and the most beautiful, all because you see her in your jealous eye. She actually sounds awful for you. ... (read in full...)

After 10 years and two kids together, he still doesn't want to marry me. Should I stick with it or move on?

Q.   First of all, I thought that at this stage of my life things wouldn't seem so bad. But Then again, maybe I'm just looking for problems like my bf says to all the time....that and I'm wrong!!! We've been together for almost a decade and have two kids ...

A.   22 May 2009: I dunno... I think you're already in a lifetime contract with the guy (kids together=weddings=grandkids, etc) and I think you should do everything you can to FORCE him to marry you for the sake of your kids. Does he really want someone else to ... (read in full...)

A very complicated situation for me....I could use your advice.

Q.   I'd love some advice about my situation...hoping you can help. Yes, the answers may seem obvious, but here's what's happened. I met a group of guys at my golf course about 20 months ago. They were older than me but fun. They had been friends for a ...

A.   22 May 2009: Wow, so much excitement ... I hope the initial poster comes back to read this, and to understand that she was the victim here. The man is addicted to power and uses subtle abuse to get it. His thrill is the thrill of manipulating women...... (read in full...)

A very complicated situation for me....I could use your advice.

Q.   I'd love some advice about my situation...hoping you can help. Yes, the answers may seem obvious, but here's what's happened. I met a group of guys at my golf course about 20 months ago. They were older than me but fun. They had been friends for a ...

A.   17 May 2009: You are no dummy, and he's not crazy. You already know, sweetheart, what the score is. This type of man believes he deserves to have you and also feels that he has to lie to you to keep you quiet and happy. He is a player, and feels entitled... (read in full...)

How early is too early to annouce a pregnancy

Q.   How early is too early to annouce a pregnancy. I just found out I'm pregnant, I have PCOS and it took 3 yrs for my husband and I to get pregnant with our first child, who was premature and died. This time amzingly We weren't even trying and I'm ...

A.   5 May 2009: Tell your sweet husband ASAP. tell your mother at 3 mos., tell your employer at 7 mos.... (read in full...)

Teacher attraction: is it ok to add him?

Q.   Is it okay to add a former college teacher that i was sort of attracted to when i took a class with him last semester to my list of friends? I mean this is weird but he used to look at me literally every 4 seconds (yes,i counted) maybe he was att...

A.   5 May 2009: No, they make lousy husbands and they get tons of girls to fall for them - hazards of the job I guess. If a man wants to talk to you, HE FINDS A WAY! Chasing men never works, sweetie! 4 seconds for you in first period, 4 seconds for someone ... (read in full...)

Ladies! Is there any way to 'numb' the area down there before waxing?

Q.   this is for the ladies out there!! im kinda freaking out because i want to get rid of the hair down where the sun doesnt shine..if you know what i mean. so first i shaved a while ago but it hurt realy bad after and it got very itchy down there ...

A.   5 May 2009: How about emla numbing cream?... (read in full...)

My parents and my best friend all hate my gf! What should I do?

Q.   My parents and my best friend and some of my church hates my girlfriend. Her and I have been through alot and we dont wanna stop. You cant change how someone feels about someone else in their heart. I wont give up and I wont stop! I will do ...

A.   5 May 2009: We need more info - why will you lose your license and truck? Why does your community of family and friends hate this girl?... (read in full...)

We really like each other, but if his gf finds out..she'll kick my butt! Help!

Q.   im in love with this guy who is completely amazing..and he likes me back...but hes dating this other girl...and he said that if he wasn't dating her he'd be dating me...but i really want 2 date him and we are really close and all...but if his gf ...

A.   5 May 2009: Guys will say anything to get a girl to think they like her. And what he's doing behind her back, he will do to you. Do you really want that? Do you really want this guy to be dating you while telling some other girl he wishes he could da... (read in full...)

Is he too busy or losing his feelings for me?

Q.   I just started dating this guy. He is really sweet but gets me so frustrated some times because he is so opinionated, as so am I. He says he loves me and I love him so much. He makes me really happy, but the problem is we don't talk that much. He is ...

A.   5 May 2009: If he is disrespectful of your feelings, then he doesn't love you enough. If he is critical of you, he doesn't love you but wants to control you. If you have doubts now, break it off and find someone kinder, to whom you can talk to. Don't... (read in full...)

We're engaged so shouldn't I be his benefactor on his life insurance policy?

Q.   My fiance` has just recently turned in his papers for benefits at his semi-new job. One of those benefits was life insurance. He rarely deals with his folks and out of curiosity, I asked when the last time he even talked to them was. His response ...

A.   5 May 2009: I'm sorry to say it but, it's none of your business who the benefactor is. Ideally, it'll one day be you. Once you're married and have kids. But for right now, sweetie, read my first sentence again.... (read in full...)

He has mental issues and I want to dump him! Should I be scared?

Q.   My boyfriend has mental issues and the more we stay together the more controlling he is becoming towards me. When we started dating, he was so much fun and exciting and did everything possible (in a good way) to make me fall for him. As we got to ...

A.   5 May 2009: Does he have mental issues - has he been diagnosed? What bothers me most is that you say he's controlling toward you. Men use abuse to gain control over women and other people, and it does escalate. Why stay in a relationship if he makes... (read in full...)

She doesn't have a very attractive body...will I get over that eventually?

Q.   I recently started a relationship with a girl I get along very well with. She lives in a different city and she is considering moving to the city I live in. When we are together, I am attracted to her mind enough so that we have a decent love life. ...

A.   5 May 2009: Idealistically, if you loved someone and they wound up in a car crash and disfigured, would you still love them? If you're really turned off, you could turn out the lights, I suppose. Is it your problem that you can't accept her body the way... (read in full...)

This new guy is so special..but I don't feel like I deserve him!

Q.   So i've been in toxic relationships for the past 2 years. Horrible controlling relationships with too much abuse that i put up with. Now that's it's been like 3 months since my last one and i have a new boyfriend. He's a great guy we started off as ...

A.   5 May 2009: Just be yourself and don't EVER cater to a man... he should cater to YOU!... (read in full...)

I set him free thinking he would come back, but he hasn't

Q.   This is a long one. I met a guy who was still married but separated, long distance to boot, but we fell very much in love. We were together for two years, but I believed he would need to have some alone time since I was the first person he dated ...

A.   5 May 2009: I think most men would prefer to chew and swallow tin foil than to tell an ex that he wants to end it.... (read in full...)

Could he be scared to commit?

Q.   I met someone online a few years back, he was all fired up about meeting in person. It took a few months for us to meet. We clicked immediately, he called me, we spoke on the phone all the time. I called his house and his children would pick up ...

A.   30 April 2009: You love him because he made you feel sexy. You are confusing lust with love. Men don't have those problems, and a man who really cares about you won't block your calls EVER. In fact, he can't resist calling you. Please... forget this one,... (read in full...)

I prefer to be their aquaintance rather than a friend.

Q.   We live in a small community and our children go to a small school. There is a couple whom we have kids in the same grade with. This couple has always been very cliquish with another couple. (They were really good friends, and they were almost ...

A.   30 April 2009: Life is too short to be stuck with people you don't really like to be with. Stay close to the friends you really enjoy, and don't make time for the ones you don't feel comfortable around. Everyone doesn't have to like everyone else. But do be... (read in full...)

I set him free thinking he would come back, but he hasn't

Q.   This is a long one. I met a guy who was still married but separated, long distance to boot, but we fell very much in love. We were together for two years, but I believed he would need to have some alone time since I was the first person he dated ...

A.   30 April 2009: I'm so sorry, honey. It hurts like hell to be treated like you're nothing. He doesn't want to be the bad guy, and he doesn't want to hut the door completely just in case he gets lonely, so he responds when you call. It's not like he's playin... (read in full...)

Should I call or let it be?

Q.   I have been with this guy for a few months. He knows that I wont do anything with him unless I get some kind of commitment but he still can't call himself my b/f because he isn't ready and doesn't want to make promises he can't keep. He did, ...

A.   30 April 2009: Honey, closure doesn't exist...what you really want is for him to feel terrible and to miss you desperately, and to realize how wonderful you are, and come crawling back with a commitment to you and only you. How realistic is it to expect such a r... (read in full...)

Is Mum right for giving me these lectures and calling me immature?

Q.   I live with my Mum and every now and again we have trivial arguments, which mainly arise when she talks about what life is actually all about and more importantly how I should be living it. She is fairly random and brings it up whenever she feels ...

A.   8 April 2009: YOU are the egg. SHE is the chicken. Right or wrong, that's it in a nutshell.... (read in full...)

Should I make the first move or let him?

Q.   I have been dating this guy for 3 months and we have made out with the kissing etc which is great. I can't tell if he wants to have sex because as soon as we get to that point he just stops and that's it. Should I make the first move or let him?...

A.   8 April 2009: NEVER make the first move toward sex with a guy. He'll think you're that way with everyone. (are you?)... (read in full...)

Is my fiance cheating on me?

Q.   I was told by this woman that her and my fiance were taking off on there lunch hr and having sex. i asked him he said it was a lie. i don't have any proof. what do i do. we all work in the same building too....

A.   8 April 2009: "Think a thousand times before saying I Do. Make absolutely sure that he is true to you and only you." words from my mom. ... (read in full...)

Is it me or is there too much attachment with his daughter?

Q.   I have a great boyfriend, but the problem is he is too attached to his 22 yr. daughter. We've been together for almost 3 yrs. and during the 1st yr of our relationship he did not have his daughter. But somehow a summer stay has turned into fore...

A.   8 April 2009: If you are planning to stay in this man's life, understand that you're marrying him AND his daughter. Wouldn't you want him to feel that way about you and your kids? He sounds wonderful. You have to make things clear to him that you'd like ... (read in full...)

Is 30 years long enough?

Q.   Dear Cupid - I don't really think you exist, but I'll write you anyway. I met a pretty red-headed girl at a football game during my senior year of high school and fell head over heals for her. The buddy who had arranged for me to... double date...

A.   8 April 2009: It is VERY typical to feel the way you feel - like strangers. You have, in 30 years, accomplished a lot together, and it was you and she against the world. You both had a common enemy to keep you energized, and a common goal. You need that aga... (read in full...)

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