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Why did my manager belittle me like this?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Health<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 March 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 15 March 2018)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Recently at work I accidentally dropped a plastic container, it made a loud noise ad people were startled. It was an accident!

One of my managers, (a woman of 58 who Ive been working with for years, and am very careful around, as she's very particular and quick to criticise.. but I mostly get along ok with her) jumped in surprise, but she also made fun of me??

She's criticised me in the past but we've always managed to sort it out and move on..

In front of 5 People they all laughed at me.

I was in the next room and heard it.

She said..

" whats that?, is that x? She’s like a bull in a china shop! Hopeless”

Meaning: I’m clumsy for making the noise and hopeless.

Was she rude or making fun of me?

I said jokingly “ I heard that Sarah” and she laughed and we moved on..

Why did she humiliate me in front of colleagues, who may think less of me now!

did she try to belittle me and make me look stupid in front of mostly younger colleagues..?

im a good and reliable worker with no performance issues and i do my work, am polite and go home..

View related questions: at work, move on

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2018):

[EDIT]:

"As the news and social media show us on a regular basis."

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2018):

You're being oversensitive! She apparently has a dry sense of humor, and tends to be blunt with her jokes. Why would you be humiliated about what you know is only a joke anyway?

You don't necessarily like the woman. You may be shy or easily intimidated by people; but rye-humor and tastelessness abounds these days! Get tough!

You have to have a thicker skin. I don't care where you work; as long as you are around people or the general public; people will say stuff that gets to you or might embarrass you.

Guns or bombs go-off, and crazy things happen these days! Qs the news and social media show us on a regular basis. This is America in the 21st-century; and people are generally "jumpy!"

Your boss settled some rattled-nerves with humor, took leadership to make people feel safe; and she playfully scolded you for clumsiness. She knows it was an accident!

Sorry, but when we're the boss; you may not like our style! As long as we're not abusive, unethical, or don't do things that go against company policy; we're just people too!

You've made too much out of her humorous comment. Let it go, and learn to laugh at yourself! "Oops, silly me! Sorry, everyone!"

It was said affectionately; and all your co-workers took it affectionately, for your sake. I'm a boss, I've dealt with people who are touchy or sensitive. They are intimidated by authority; and may take everything the boss says seriously.

We might use humor to lighten the tension, but with authority. We're still the boss, like it or not!

I'm considerate of the feelings of others; but I also have to remind my employees they're not alone, and have to show some consideration for others around them. It's no big deal! It's your work-place and she's in-charge!

She was only teasing you!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (15 March 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Let it go. It sounds to me like rather innocuous office or workplace banter. It helps passong the time- X does or says something "wrong " ( in the sense of not perfect ), Y throws in a quip, X quips back... It does not necessarily have to be malevolent or mean - spirited. It's just a way to relate to people, that does not exclude irony or good natured ribbing. "Humiliating " is a such a big word for this episode. You goofed, she joked about it , you retorted. No need to be too sensitive about it.

Of course it would depend from the general context; if you are the workplace whipping boy, and you are frequently or constantly nitpicked and talked down- then that's not banter or witticism , that would be mobbing !, and you should take it to HR.

But if all there is to it is that you startled her, and she reacted with a quip - well, no big deal. Next time she breaks or dumps or misplaces something- YOU say something to her, and you'll be even.

Btw, maybe this is something which you do not particularly want to hear, but... for this woman to say " X is like a bull in a China store.Hopeless " it would seem that this is not the first time you drop something, ( otherwise the retort does not make much sense ) and that you are not new at this kind of little accidents . Now , on one hand yes, that's no big deal, nobody is perfect and not having a great fine motor skill coordination is not a crime- on the other hand, as I know being "blessed " with a son who is all thumbs, he really IS a bull in a China store ! - I admit that for most people this is an annoying trait to have. One should not say anything , but the first crash ok, the second ok, ... at the third or fourth time one HAS to comment, even of it would be kinder and wiser not to do it.

So in case you are somewhat accident prone, - either you work on your motor coordination skills ( if that is even possible ), or you accept philosophically that many people may find it a tad unnerving. Which of course, though, does not mean that they think less of you as a person and as a coworker.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntCould be her rude remark was to cover up for her OWN reaction to being startled. Maybe SHE felt stupid for having jumped in surprise.

I think her making "fun" of you the way that she did says a LOT more about her (in a negative way) than it does about you. (to those 5 people who were around) and that you didn't make drama out of it gives credit to YOU, not her.

I think your come back (I heard you, Sarah) was perfect and I would NOT make more out of this then what's already been said and done.

You dropped something, she reacted, you retorted. The end.

Do people think less of you? I SERIOUSLY doubt it. The fact that you had a snap reply that wasn't RUDE ( I heard you, Sarah) will more likely have people LIKE you more than if you made drama over her ridiculous comment.

Was her comment rude? Was her comment inappropriate - yes I think it was. But I don't it needs to be the start of drama or confrontations.

So, in short, had I been one of those 5 people I would have thought YOU handled the situation 10 times better than her.

Shrug it off, OP.

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