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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Uncertain if he lied for the right reason
Q. Hi, I have been married for 4 years to a guy who seems devoted to me. I've had a lot of problems in the past. Before I got with my husband I had been through a rough time, I had had cancer and was just finishing chemotherapy and my youngest daughter ...
A. 5 October 2017: I don't think you are overreacting. At least, in your shoes I'd be shocked too.
Now, it's pretty common, and forgivable I think, at the beginning of a relationship to accentuate the similarities, to push the pedal a bit on the things you have in c... (read in full...)
He doesn't want marriage. Is there anything I can do?
Q. My problem is this, I love my Bf. I'm sure He loves me too. We have lots of things in common. But the saying is also true. No relationship is perfect. Thing is, he have this thing that we are totally opposite about. I am a kind of woman who ...
A. 5 October 2017: Yeah, you may have lots of things in common- unluckily not those which really count. What's the use of sharing the same tastes in, say, music, food and sports, if then you have a totally different vision of how your shared future should be and ... (read in full...)
Is this a positive sign or is she just being nice?
Q. My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago. I had been working on the things she didnt like about me and I sent her an email updating her on how I have been changing i.e getting better and that I love her and hopefully in future we might cross ...
A. 5 October 2017: She is being nice. She does not want you to hurt because of the break up more than it's strictly necessary , and she is being gentle and supportive ,to help you move on.
Notwithstanding her kind words, this is clearly a
" farewell... (read in full...)
Should I attend my Son's wedding?
Q. I am a dad who doesn't get along well with his only son. He is getting married in a couple days and have chosen a non cleric, non blood related family member to officiate the ceremony, a man I totally despise and have never gotten along with. I like ...
A. 5 October 2017: " I hate this, I despise that, I don't get along with... ".
I, me, mine; all the time. Are you channeling George Harrison ?
This is not your wedding, it's your son's wedding. It's his celebration, his big event, his memorable day, and if t... (read in full...)
How do I make this work for us both?
Q. I've been talking heavily (throughout the day and he calls me everydau) to a guy that I have known for that I have really grown to like. He works two jobs and at first this was really trying on the budding relationship in that, he was really ...
A. 4 October 2017: If he is too tired too date.... then he should not date. Simple, isn't it ?
Ditto, if he has not got the time to date. Then, IMO, he should not even ask people to settle for that uninspiring little that he is offering, or to make compromises righ... (read in full...)
Fiances mother is refusing to come to our wedding unless we change our plans
Q. firstly, thank you for taking the time to read my post. I'm having problems with my fiancées mother. Backstory: me and him met in school, at15, we've been together ever since. We got engaged may 2016 in Fiji we had originally planned a two wee...
A. 28 September 2017: I am afraid the only thing you can do is to have your boyfriend explain his mother once again that even if you called off the wedding in Fiji and had it locally, STILL it would definitely be a small, intimate wedding ; -no extended family-, and ... (read in full...)
Our 'friends with benefits' situation seems to be going fine, but she showed one strange sign?
Q. Me and my friend tried having sex twice. We talked about the possibility of it happening for ages and it seems to be working out. A lot of people are skeptical about a FWB type thing but it feels right for us. There has been no awkwardness between ...
A. 27 September 2017: I think you are overthinking this.
It does not have any special meaning; it's a comfort thing. (Some ) people like spooning, like to be held when falling asleep. They like the physical sensation.
I must say that reading your post verges o... (read in full...)
I went along with planning for a big wedding. Now I don't want it!
Q. Hi I'm getting marrried in a few months and having some serious regrets about the way we've gone about things. We're having quite a fancy wedding with around 100 guests. I thought at the start that a big wedding was what i wanted but now I'm havi...
A. 27 September 2017: You suck it up and do the big wedding anyway; what else ?
Don't tell me that you are seriously considering dis-inviting people from your wedding once the invitations have already been sent ??
That would be outrageously rude and inconsid... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a new friend & he seems to care more about their relationship than ours.
Q. I've been in a relationship for five years, and cheating has never been something I was concerned about. But about six months ago my boyfriend made a new friend through a club at colleg, and they became close friends real quickly. They talk all the ...
A. 26 September 2017: 2 or 3 hours every night on the phone with his new friend ? since the last 6 months ?.
You are not being paranoid. This is absurd. Completely unacceptable.
I can understand very well the excitement of finding a new friend, meeting someone ... (read in full...)
I know I could have an amazing life with mistress but don't want to hurt my wife and children
Q. Hi. I am really confused and need advice. Here goes with a bit of background and my position. I am an almost 49 year old man and have been married for almost 25 years.we have 3 Kids.one of which has now left home. My wife gave up work 17 years ag...
A. 26 September 2017: In ref. to what anon female of Sept. 26rg says, I agree with the gist of the post and her final advice, but I doubt that the mistress sees the OP as a meal ticket.
Maybe a lean, low-calories meal :)
He is the adulterer; his wife is a homemake... (read in full...)
I know I could have an amazing life with mistress but don't want to hurt my wife and children
Q. Hi. I am really confused and need advice. Here goes with a bit of background and my position. I am an almost 49 year old man and have been married for almost 25 years.we have 3 Kids.one of which has now left home. My wife gave up work 17 years ag...
A. 25 September 2017: Generally I do not feel a lot of empathy for the mistress,but this time I can't help feeling a bit bad for her.
3 years ago, when you started your affair, she had a husband. Now , she is divorced, while being clearly and vocally in love with you,... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 25 September 2017: " There's no excuse for being promiscuous ! ".
Actually, even better : there's no NEED of excuses for being promiscuous. Excuse oneself to whom ?
Every woman has free agency over her body and sexuality, and everyone decides what use to do of... (read in full...)
Mother-in-law is interfering
Q. Ive been married to my long term fiance for just a month. He treats me amazingly sweet. Especially in front of his family. Its been almost a decade and at first i can feel that they find it strange with how he treated me. I mean his mom and sister. ...
A. 25 September 2017: Uh-oh. There can't be two roosters in a chicken coop, and there can't be two ladies of the house in the same household. So I think what you are going through would be expectable and predictable, under some form or shape, even if your MIL had been ... (read in full...)
Should I reach out again or just move on?
Q. There's a girl I started talking to in July, at the moment nothing is going on but I feel like that may be my fault. However I'm also feeling like I should move on but I'd like to know if theres anything I can do to start talking to her again ...
A. 25 September 2017: Well, as you say, reaching out once more would not hurt that much, we are surely not at stalker level yet :) - but all in all, yeah, move on. She is not interested ; either she never was and just liked the attention, or for whatever reason she ... (read in full...)
I'm very confused about our relationship and what we are to each other, if anything
Q. We are friends for 4-5 years. He is younger then me and he likes girls always have lot of different girls mostly one night stand and also few relationships for maximum 4month. He always goes out with me Im like his homeboy and also bro however I ...
A. 25 September 2017: I agree, not for the first time, with Honeypie.
I am afraid that you are driven by wishful thinking.
Being considered by a man like one of the boys or a bro or " like family " etc. is not a good sign , romantically. It is a good sign insofar ... (read in full...)
She stopped responding, is that it?
Q. Girl I liked a lot and went on a few dates with started getting cold after I told her I liked her and the time we had been hanging out. I asked her why she was acting so different and she said, she was dealing with stuff and I couldn't help her. She ...
A. 25 September 2017: I agree with the other ladies, unluckily what's going on is rather evident. And while I generally do not endorse passive aggressive behaviour, it is also true that social norms do not require to shoot at flies with a cannon, i.e. to yell to a ... (read in full...)
She's going into an arranged marriage, unhappy with the man. Please help!
Q. I am an Indian. In our culture arrange marriage system is prevalent. Recently my best friend got engaged to someone. Her parents found that guy for her. Its been an year but not a day passed when she didn't complain about him. She always tells me ...
A. 24 September 2017: That may be slightly off topic, but I can't help being surprised by a person / society which accepts- favours , in fact ! - arranged marriages , then want them to come with all the trappings of Western style romance.
I mean, basically your frie... (read in full...)
How can I last longer the first time?
Q. I just got into a relationship, its been quite a few months in. We are about to hit 3rd base and this is my first time someone will give me a handjob or even a blowjob. I don't think I can last for more than 30 seconds. Any tips on how to last ...
A. 24 September 2017: I would not worry . Suppose you come very fast the first time. So what ? You are 18- 21 , in half an hour ,tops, you'll be ready to go again and this time you will last longer. ... (read in full...)
He says he will never marry me because of my past!
Q. Hello, My question is...is there any hope for a future with my ex-boyfriend? We dated for six months and he always suffered from retrograde jealousy for me. During this time I foolishly, casually mentioned my exes, not fully grasping what to...
A. 24 September 2017: I think that deep down you know that you should move on and that one more month won't change anything. because, what's your being loyal and trustworthy has got to do with the issue ? It's not your loyalt that he was questioning- just your pasr. Of ... (read in full...)
Difficult LDR, I feel I'm becoming close to my ex. Should I isolate myself from all girls so I don't find myself slipping?
Q. Greetings Agony Aunts and Uncles, To give you a bit of background Im in a LDR with mg GF for about a month now and the separation is killing us. We met in college and our both living near our families in different states. Unless one of us is willi...
A. 23 September 2017: Well, yeah, if neither one is willing to leave eventually their job and move to reach the other, of course it's doomed to fail, there's no point in dragging things on , it's an exercise in futility. I guess we should just define what does it ... (read in full...)
What is going on? Are these just excuses?
Q. After still feeling neglected, I told my bf exactly why I was feeling down. In the last couple of weeks I have noticed that I was initiating the messages, which is ok, but I feel like I'm pestering esp being the only one initiating Messaging was ...
A. 23 September 2017: Did you sort out the bus situation ? Did you talk him about drivung you back home, so that you can spend more hours together on weekend ?...
Based on that post, and on a previous one ( something about him not contacting immediately after comi... (read in full...)
Can we get what we once had back, or are we destined to be 'just friends?'
Q. Hi. I was in a short relationship with a guy for around eight months. During this time we developed very strong feelings and connection. Subsequently we split up around six months back, due to differences in the area of affection. His love language ...
A. 22 September 2017: And no commitment wanted, either. Didn't he tell you that, although there might still be feelings , that does not mean that you should be together ? He should know, since at a certain point, regardless of feelings, he broke up with you- or acted ... (read in full...)
I want more, he leads me on but in the end wants just sex. It's he just a player?
Q. Hello! I have been friends with this guy since sophomore year of college and I graduated last year. He's 25 so yeah we are still young, but I feel like we have a good vibe going with one another. We used to hang out and talk about everything and ...
A. 22 September 2017: As my grandma used to say, " there's no deafer person of the one who does not want to hear ".
You do not want to hear what he told you in all clarity : you are two friends who occasionally hook up , and he likes it that way. He is confirming that... (read in full...)
My wife's sexual past has become a sticking point for me
Q. OK this might be a bit long winded but here we go. So I have been happilyish married for nearly ten years now. I met my wife in 2003 while on my OE in London and we got together and started dating and then eventually the "how many people have you ...
A. 22 September 2017: I think one thing that could help you it would be to start disconnecting question 1 from question 2 . It sounds like you resent her because she used to be frisky and sexually "hungry " in other times with other men, so why can't she be the same ... (read in full...)
I didn't bleed so is my hymen still intact after having sex lots of times?
Q. hello, well my problem is i had sexual intercourse several times but i did not bleed in any of them, so i'm wondering is it possible that my hymen is still intact??...
A. 22 September 2017: The hymen is a ( generally ) thin membrane which partially covers the vaginal opening. It has openings in it, it can be anular ( ring-shaped ) , septed ( with slits ), cribriated ( many tiny holes ) and these openings let menstrual blood flow. ... (read in full...)
I'm worried I can't ask her to do the same thing again!
Q. A few weeks ago I helped my girlfriend clean and put the dishes away. Afterwards she filled the sink with dishsoap and undressed me. She wanted me to sit on the counter over the edge of the sink. I was reluctant at first but I did it. She then used ...
A. 19 September 2017: Sigh..... aloe, or any other emollient / gliceryne like ingredient will be the inactive chemical ingredient , added for texture , scent, viscosity etc-
it will NOT alter the composition of triclosan, an antibacterial chlorofenol that has been... (read in full...)
I'm worried I can't ask her to do the same thing again!
Q. A few weeks ago I helped my girlfriend clean and put the dishes away. Afterwards she filled the sink with dishsoap and undressed me. She wanted me to sit on the counter over the edge of the sink. I was reluctant at first but I did it. She then used ...
A. 19 September 2017: This must be a troll. Or else a gentleman with the skin of a buffalo.
All dish detetgents contain up of 2% of triclosan, ( the active agent which kills bacteria ). Triclosan is not toxic ( unless you ingest it ,of course ) but it is defi... (read in full...)
We've had rough times but seem to want only us! But his marijuana use is a problem for me!
Q. Hi, everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years now. And we seem to love each other so much. And i sat seem becuz we say we love each other to the max but we do many things to hurt each other. And find it ...
A. 19 September 2017: You make up your mind.
Either you can handle dating , living with and marrying a pothead, or you can't . You draw the line. You decide what your dealbreakers are.
Why can't he stop ? Because he does not want to ! He told you. He showed you. Wha... (read in full...)
Is this a genuine concern or is he blowing me off?
Q. My bf and I have been together for a couple months. He treats me really well and is different from the other guys that I dated. One thing though that has really started to worry me, is him trying to drop me off at home early in the day. He works ...
A. 19 September 2017: Things are rarely all black or all white, I think that it may be a bit of both, he may be sort of klling two birds with a stone; he may be sincerely worried about your safety and not wanting you out alone in the streets too late, AND, after a full ... (read in full...)
My ex came back into my life only to leave again!
Q. He reached out to me after about 6 months of not speaking, during that time he was dating someone else. We ended up meeting up to talk, and we had great conversation. He apologized for things that wet wrong with us and opened up to me that "he just ...
A. 19 September 2017: Unluckily it means that you have been naive, and eager to see what you wanted to see.
" I thought that he came back because he loved me "- and where did you figure this our from ? from his going on and on , and pouring his heart out to you, abou... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wanted an open relationship but I can't cope with it.
Q. I'm struggling with the pain and shock involved in starting an open relationship. I've been dating my girlfriend for about 6 months. Recently we agreed to open the relationship and allow each other to have sex with other people. She's the one wh...
A. 18 September 2017: Where does it say that you must accept it ? Doctor's order ?
Open relationships are fine only as long as both parties not only consent but embrace them voluntarily and wholeheartedly, and enjoy them equally.
Not everybody is cut out for open... (read in full...)
Boyfriend won't speak to me. What did I do wrong?
Q. I'm with my current boyfriend for about 2 years and yest was hia bday. He thinks bdays are overrated, but I still got him gift card and since he didn't want cake, got him a small cake and went to see him. I was hungry by the time I reached his ...
A. 17 September 2017: Proviso : your boyfriend is a tool anyway. You do not get up and storm out of a restaurant, planting your companion there either to eat alone, or to chase after you. That's having awful manners and personally I would have zero tolerance for ... (read in full...)
Should I stay .... or maybe I should go
Q. Hi dear Cupid, so I'll break this down in for form.. Myself (24) partner (23) - together three years Before I met him - I saved $13,000. Dating him - started going halves in things cause I thought it was a great idea. In three years - partner ...
A. 17 September 2017: It's a long time that you are in the same quandary, I remember a similar question(s) from before the one linked by Aunty BimBim.
What does it mean .." but I love him " ? Ok, you love him and he may be a very lovable guy ( even if surely it does... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 14 September 2017: While, of course, men like the anon have any right to tell me what it should be important or not to me, like my virginity or lack of the same, and my obligation ( ? ) to disclose informations about such a personal matter to whomever wants ... (read in full...)
Is my friend's sister not interested? Or is she just forgetful and not very organised like her brother?
Q. Hey all, I'm in a situation that I'm unsure how to judge. Basically randomly one night, I ended up sleeping with one of my very good friends sisters. We have never really spoke previous to that time and it was a bit of a whirlwind how it all ha...
A. 14 September 2017: Smart girl. She is trying to steer things back on the right track. She may only want casual, perhaps- but casual does not mean bootycallish . She is telling you that she is not going to be your booty call, and she is trying to put things on a more ... (read in full...)
Kissing Cousin ... yech!
Q. Hi all, One of my older cousin's has been sending me a lot of boring links lately on messenger , which I never have the time to respond to or know what to say. He has complimented my Facebook profile pictures a lot , which is fine . Then yesterday...
A. 14 September 2017: Yes, maybe you are overreacting. No, I don't find it inappropriate. Silly, yes, a lot. Not in great taste,perhaps, but basically innocuous.
I would give this cousin the benefit of doubt. Being that he is from another country, often some thin... (read in full...)
We just don't DO anything!
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were 17 and although we are happy, I feel our relationship is just really boring. I was watching a show the other day and this couple did so many fun activities together and when we talk his sister, ...
A. 14 September 2017: I don't quite get from your post if you are OK with the status quo or not.
In other words, if you are two laid back homebodies who are fine enjoying their calm routine even without a lot of entertainment and novelties, but you see most coup... (read in full...)
Will this breakup mend?
Q. I've just split with my ex a week ago over argument. I have an 11-month-old baby. When I asked if any chance getting back together he says don't know. Then when I ask well would u like to he says I ain't saying no. Maybe down the line. I'm so con...
A. 14 September 2017: You stand broken up. The very fact that he either initiated the split, or promptly jumped at the chance to split up if you said it first , although having an 11 months child together, makes me think that he is not very invested in the relationship ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong to draw a line under this?
Q. I was dating a guy for almost two years and in March of this year my father got really sick from cancer. He passed away sadly at the end of April. The guy I was with was a complete ass towards me when my father had passed away. And during April I ...
A. 13 September 2017: Not at all. You do not owe him anything, not even the courtesy of an one-word answer.
Breaking an official engagement, and asking for the ring back- is pretty final , and can very possibly imply a total communication breakdown, as I am sure he i... (read in full...)
He doesn't understand why I find this kinda rude. Am I being irrational?
Q. My boyfriend and his baby's mom have a seven year old son together. They've been broke up for years. About a year ago she got locked up for running with the wrong crowd and he was unable to get custody at the time due to loosing his place so her ...
A. 13 September 2017: His ex's mother is also his child's grandmother, not to mention the person who stepped in and took care of the child in his place when the kid's mother got locked away. He may have had his good reasons to not be " on his feet " then , nevertheless ... (read in full...)
Are we dating or are we friends? Long distance friendship with my ex.
Q. Dear cupid, my boyfriend and I have had a 'thing' or more like dated for just over a year. He has moved away from home to go to boarding school and we made the decision that we would stop dating once he left, we also had decided that we were going ...
A. 12 September 2017: Jeez why making things so complicated when they do not need to be ?!
You were broken up. As in ,no more together. Free agents, who owe nothing to each other, but being civil, out of common courtesy, if they chance into each other.
What's t... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 11 September 2017: Right, male anon. Suffering in silence sounds like an excellent option to me, if a person chooses to suffer for things that are none of their business.
Supposing that, I don't know, you are strongly against hair dye and you think ALL peop... (read in full...)
Getting over my GF not being a virgin.
Q. Hello people. I'm a 21 year old guy, I've graduated college, have a cool job, and have been working in a great firm the past 2 years. I was raised in a small town, in a very catholic and conservative family. Nonetheless I'm an agnostic and I n...
A. 7 September 2017: " Just as she loves me today, she has loved someone else ".
Yes. Precisely. That's how it works, and how it is supposed to work if we don't want 90% of mankind to die of love-related heartbreak. You meet someone, for some reason it does not ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 24 February 2015: Anon male reader of Feb. 21st .. " This thread has a lot of women just making each other feel better about themselves "...
Well,for " wanting to make each other feel better about ourselves "- we should feel bad, or not-so-good ( about our sexu... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 20 February 2015: Anon male reader, not to be bitchy on purpose but... I have to say it, of this is how you feel, then it is a big luck that your being ( or, most probably, feeling ) unattractive prevents you from getting the casual sex you crave.
You seem to coup... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Ok, so suppose women have a natural, biological unfair advantage over men in getting casual sex ( and, we also have to suppose that getting casual sex is a big coveted goal for everybody ). So be it- then , why should they have to regret it, and ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 18 February 2015: Maybe it's because I am so bad at maths, but I could never quite get why some people say " getting sex is much easier for women than for men ". How does it work ?... I mean : a woman who's having sex , is having sex with a man, right ? ( at least ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: I don't know about all women, - I think most don't regret their sexual past and I definitely know I don't regret mine.
Everything has an age and stage, maybe if the perfect guy had shown up before... it would not have been perfect for the kind... (read in full...)
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