A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday a 44 yr old female work colleague with 5 kids had her wisdom teeth out,she posted a post surgery selfie of her swollen face on our works fbook page,Is this pure attention seeking? She’s a quiet and good worker, invisible.. like me.. Not quite as invisible as me..We are same age I was in hospital er sun evening... nearly fainted 5 times and now having mri brain today, am terrified they’ll find a tumour or stroke or MS or dementia..All alone and scared, no family or formed, big IM ok now. Waiting for mri..Maybe I’ll post that! lol Never! I’d never be such an attention seeker! Why do this?? Shes got a husband and 5 kids to help her. She’ll get taken care of, she’s lucky.No one cares!! Yet she’s get nice “get well soon” comments ! I wouldn’t if it were me.. So so needy of her! Or is it?? Pure narcissism Thoughts??Why do this!! So awkward. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): I think this lady took you by surprise and it has made you think about things. If you feel you are alone and have no support then look at why because i am pretty sure there will be someone out there who cares about how you are.As for this lady, i get you, as do a lot of people that have posted, some people really do use social media like a diary and personally i unfollow some, because as much as i like them as people there sharing of pretty much everything they do in their life i don't understand.What is this really about though? have you convinced yourself she is all those things you describe because it hides the real truth, that you thought she was all the things you feel you are? Often people resent people who are a mirror image of their own insecurities....Like everyone else i wish you well and i hope that you reach out to someone you can trust if you are feeling alone in all you are going through. Just remember everyone's lives are different, my brother has tons of good friends, i have a few, it could be easy to compare and contrast your life to other people, but what is really important is you take care of yourself and be the best person you can be, life is not a competition, best of luck x
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (17 April 2018):
 The things that people post on Facebook! Would you believe if I told you that someone actually put up a picture of their relative's dead body with them mourning next to it! I shudder even to think about it! Next to that, a swollen face from a wisdom tooth is a hoot!
But yes, I totally get what you're saying. Sometimes people do over-share on social media and it's ironically mostly those who were invisible in school and left out later in life. A lady who's past 60 actually wrote a post once saying that thanks to Facebook now I too can share my life with people because prior to this, no one was interested in me or my family. The subtext was that now you have to endure endless pics of my husband and I where we go all out to show you how much we love each other despite what you think. Ha!
Now as for your colleague, maybe she just wanted the office people to know that she'd had a tooth removed. I know that an MRI is much bigger and certainly more sinister (hoping all goes well for you) but why would you think that if you were to post a update then no one would respond? Look in any case most people who respond on Facebook do so out of politeness. It's so fake at times that it's funny! But if a response is all that you're looking for then you'll get out for sure.
Are you jealous of this particular lady because she has a husband and 5 kids? Sounds like you were ok with her till she seemed as invisible as you but now that she's posted about her tooth on Facebook, you're mad at her for being an attention seeker.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 April 2018):
 Attention - seeking ? Being needy ?
Aren't you being quite negative and judgemental ?
Probably this lady is just more attuned than you, more "with it ", to the current general mood , habits and social mores. It's considered very normal and unexceptional sharing one's news and experiences, good or bad, through social media.
I don't particularly like this "full exposure " either, personally I don't do it. I can't understand,for instance, why oh why people take pics of their food and share them around; I think that not even your own doting mom can be so interested in you to want to SEE which kind of pizza you just ate.
But, obviously, other people ( most people ) do not feel this way , and, what's wrong with that ? It's an innocuous, even benign, habit. It does not necessarily have to come from a negative place, from narcissism, self- centeredness, needyness- in fact, it can be simply a natural , and healthy, impulse, to connect, to " belong ", to be part of someone 's else life and let them be part of yours ; to be a part of a bigger whole, a community, even if just a mediatic one.
That you do not feel the same impulse, or that you repress it or tone it down, that's ok too, there's no right or wrong in this, just whatever works for you.
Then again, if you find yourself alone in the ER, with nobody to share , even virtually, your anxiety before the and nobody to share your concerns or your relief after the diagnosis, alas it's time to ask yourself some questions.
No man is an island- maybe you are more insular than other people and that's Ok too, but, if you are downright invisible,- be sure that you have contributed to make things what they are now. Perhaps it's because you have put up too many defenses, too many high walls around you. And/ or because they are walls made of criticism, judgement and intolerance .If you want to be visible, to be seen....you should start with SEEING the other people first, and possibly seeing them through the eyes of compassion and acceptance.
Best wishes for your MRI scan, and once you have had , as I wish and hope, a reassuring diagnosis.. once all is well and you feel better, you may want to start mellowing out a bit , and to stop interpreting people's actions as coming authomatically, by default from mean, petty , objectionable motivations. Give them the benefit of doubt, let the milk of human kindness flow from you :)- it will come back to you, in time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): Hah. You've come here seeking attention!
Leave her alone. She can do what she likes except for murdering and lying!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (17 April 2018):
 First of all, big hugs (whether you want them or not - lol!). I do hope your MRI doesn't show up anything sinister and that there is a simple explanation for your recent health issues.
I do completely get where you are coming from about people posting every aspect of their lives on social media. I am a member of my local Facebook site and the pointless posts never cease to amaze me (pictures of dog poo people have left and bad parking - I kid you not!). I simply scroll past such posts, looking for something more interesting/important. The posters obviously felt a need to vent, which is fine, just not of any interest to me.
Whether it's your nature, or down to life experiences, you are a more private and reserved person than some/many people. That does not mean you are right and they or wrong, or vice versa. It simply means you are different to them. We are all different in some way.
You sound like you have put up walls because you have suffered hurt, disappointment or betrayal in the past, whether real or imaginary. Now you find that keeping yourself to yourself is second nature and also doesn't leave you vulnerable. However, at times when you are scared or worried (like now), you miss the human contact and (quite naturally) feel sorry for yourself.
Posting something on the Facebook page about waiting for an MRI scan would probably be a bit of a shocker, especially if it's not the sort of thing you normally do. After all, it could be a lot more serious than a swollen face from a tooth extraction. However, perhaps you could confide in your closest colleague, or your line manager?
Do you really have NO friends? Why is that? Or is it simply you have no friends you feel you can confide in about this health issue?
Sending more hugs and really feel for you. Let the people who feel they need the attention and good wishes reach out for them. Their feelings are just as valid as yours. It may be their way of contacting with people. Perhaps this is a good time to re-evaluate your life and life choices, and make some changes? Just a suggestion.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): Well I have two comments to make Firstly I totally get what your saying about this Facebook share everything culture . I kind of agree with you that people in general have become extremely self obsessed and seem to want to post everything about themselves right down to the most personal things online . Like you I'm a private person and believe there is dignity in keeping my private life between myself and those I'm closest to . However I simply choose not to go on Facebook or look at these type of people who I find extremely annoying The other thing I want to say is that as a married mother of four I have no idea why you would think that makes any difference whatsoever to this woman's situation . If anything I receive a whole lot LESS attention as a wife and mother than I ever did as a single woman . Being a mother is demanding, hugely demanding . Nothing is EVER about me me me like it is when one is single , so perhaps she wanted to have that attention just on her for once . Husband also usually expect to be the ones cared for and unfortunately despite the fact they may love the wife many boys are not taught to care for others or nurture so a wife doesn't necessarily get ANY care or comfort when sick or after surgery . Personally I've been in a similar situation as you and unfortunately have to have MRI every twelve moths due vascular lesion in my brain which puts me at constant risk of stroke . My husband rarely even asks how I went or how my constant health issues are going . Life goes on and my family still need constant help and care . It never stops . There is no rest . Being a wife and mother can be extremely isolating and lonely and I do understand the reason why many women in this situation may be tempted by the online comforts of Facebook attention It's not for everyone and obviously it's not for you . Perhaps if it bothers you yoh should disable your account
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): It's common nowadays for people to share their experiences, even if it's a medical procedure. Sometimes not necessarily for attention; but they need support and empathy from family, friends, and colleagues. A reason not to be invisible. Not facing it alone.
I don't believe narcissism has anything to do with it. Nobody wants to be seen in a hospital gown with black and blue marks, wrapped in bandages, and swollen. Being a woman with children and a husband, I think her thoughts may come from a warmer place. Making fun of herself, perhaps?
Surgery of any kind is scary, and it's somewhat of a victory to overcome your fears. Sometimes it alleviates the fears of others. For some folks, having people doting and fussing over you helps to speed-up the healing process.
Empathy and sympathy are emotions that releases our compassion for others. There is nothing wrong with needing it. I'm a caretaker-type of guy; and humanitarian by nature. I respond to people who reach out in their pain or suffering. It's why I used to be in the medical field. It's why I still try to help people when I can.
It's all about making a connection of some sort with people, by whatever means. It's also exposing your vulnerabilities. Letting people see you more as a person. Displaying your imperfections and humanity. Everyone gets sick. Not everyone will interpret it as you have. It all depends on who you are, and the kind of person you are.
You almost seem jealous. Wishing your had the nerve she has.
I do hope things go well for you. I don't know you, but I'll say a little prayer for you.
I'm so sorry that you would have to face things alone. Your pride may not allow you to reach-out to people when you're afraid or feeling vulnerable. Perhaps if you called someone you trusted; they'd be there for you. There is no reason to be ashamed. You're a little scared, and a little support won't hurt. Maybe even she would be there for you if she knew.
Don't steal her thunder. It may seem silly; and you're right it, could be construed as over-sharing, needy, and being a show-off. Try to subdue your cynicism and replace it with compassion and empathy. What would it hurt, really?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): I bet you are the same poster who went on and on about how no one cares about them at work a few months ago.
You obviously have some jealousy issues.
Just because she has a husband and 5 kids that doesn't mean she has a lot of support. 5 kids is a TONNE of work, it is more likely she will be having to make them lunches while trying to heal not to mention all the rowdiness and unruliness that comes with a big family. And a husband may or may not be that supportive. You don't have one, probably for a reason- because men (well, people in general) are fairly selfish, so partnerships require A LOT of compromise, it isn't all a fairy tale man waiting on you.
Attention seeking? Maybe. But that is also just the facebook culture of sharing funny pics or pics of what's new.
I am sorry to hear you have an MRI from fainting spells. I think you need some attention yourself and some support.
Why don't you reach out to coworkers and tell them how stressed you've been feeling? Tell people how scared you are?
I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): Being alone bothers you and most people worry about getting old and being alone.
Your confidence is slipping but there are nurses to talk to!
Your worries are normal.
Why not start writing answers here on desrcupid as you have life experience under your belt.
You will probably pick up soon or at least discover what is making you feel so poorly!
Best wishes for your outcomes.I wouldnt post on facebook because you will get a lot of jokes.
People can relate to a swollen face but invisible illness gets less sympathy so talk things over only with the doctors and nurses who are qualified to help.
By the way you might find that you get the all clear but if you have a lot of stress it can cause mayhem with tooth grinding in your sleep.
The sleeper is unaware of it until it is pointed out .
If its something more serious you can make your decisions about surgery when you know what the problem is caused by.
The MRI is an easy and painless proceedure.
You just stay still for a moment while you get conveyer belted into a machine.
Before you know it you are out.
Ive had it done but the doctors never shared the results with me fully.
Its not a particularly memorable experience and I dont believe you get to see your brain scan.
Rest assured that students all over the world will be downloading and analysing it for their thesis.
Dont be too concerned because most humans use only 1% of their brain anyway.
The other 99% is still a mystery.
As is most of life!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 April 2018):
 I agree with Auntie BimBim
Different folks different stokes, why is it any of your business what she posts on social media? why care?!
I get that you are scared and alone, she can be worried or whatnot REGARDLESS of having a family.
Let her do her, and YOU do you.
PS I hope your MRI turns out OK. Might want to check to see if you have any vitamin deficiencies or low blood pressure/anemia. Might be why you pass out a lot.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (17 April 2018):
 I don't see your colleague's actions as attention seeking, and certainly NOT narcissistic or needy, she's simply different to you, and I think you are just a bit jealous of the fact she has a husband and five kids to support her, and she also has whatever it is within that didn't stop her posting a pic of a swollen face.
Some people don't share due to shyness, feeling awkward, a fear of being judged negatively (your question here is an example of that, and any number of other reasons.
You KNOW she isn't attention seeking because you said she is quiet and hardworking, and invisible, although not as invisible as you.
Maybe you have put up a barrier to avoid closeness or being hurt .... maybe your nature is naturally snarky. I don't know you so I have no idea which it is, but I do now that YOU have to be the one to break those barriers down.
I think between now and when you have your MRI you should consider taking a selfie. Post it on the work facebook page, with either a funny quote (google and borrow from the internet if you cant think of one), or one that's a little more honest, about how you hope you come out the other end with the "all clear" sirens blaring.
Open up and let others in, and stop thinking the worst of people just because they don't think or act the same as you.
PS: I sincerely hope you DO get the all clear sirens.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2018): This is asker..
Typos sorry..
All alone with no family or friends I meant..
She’s a pure narcissist
If I posted “in the er, may have a brain tumour”
then a sad emoji I’d be laughed at..
So needy of her..
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