A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I have been single over 6 years, I like being single, I have no one to answer too. But it's been a long time intimately just over 2 years! So I'm on a dating site, not looking for a quick bunk up but maybe friendship or fwb. I met this bloke who I'm supposed to meet tomorrow, he's married, he has been perfectly clear that he will never leave the wife but he misses intimacy and affection with someone as his wife no longer offers these. I know this is bad but I thought well perfect as I don't want anything that will go anywhere, a bit of fun and affection would be great, and I will only see him once/twice a week! But today I'm getting second thoughts, I don't know if that's just nerves and anxiety. Like I said we both wanted this, we know it can't go anywhere and that's fine but now I develop a conscience! Anyone else been here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (10 May 2018):
 Stick to what your conscience is telling you and do not pursue this. It will involve an unaware and innocent 3rd party outsider/insider (the wife) and has the potential to ruin lives. Do not let your own needs and desires become a tool used to home-wreck. My advice is; find a single guy who is obviously medically well (free of STD's etc) and begin something with said guy. That way, you get what you want, and nobody gets hurt. Also, you will be able to sleep at night if you do the right thing.
A
female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (8 May 2018):
 OP, glad to hear that you thought things over and decided against going forward with it. Many times people come on DC and they already know what they should or should not do, but just need to hear it from someone else, need that little push.
I had a friend who had an affair for almost 7 years. I don't think it started out to be that way, but it turned into long term. She was always unhappy because the guy had actually very little time for her and she was always waiting for his phone calls or for him to sneak time away. I tried so hard to get her to see what she had become and how she was wasting her life when there were single men out in the world she could be spending her time with. She FINALLY came around but wasted years on a man that was never going to leave his wife for her!
Life is short...go out, have fun but with someone that you don't have to look back on and feel guilty about!
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A
female
reader, Soulstar +, writes (8 May 2018):
Developing a conscience and keeping it clean and sharp is a good thing! And the fact that it is pricking you tells you that something is way off - listen to it. It will guard you and keep you from harm. Married men may be honest with you about the fact that they are married but they are being dishonest with their wife/girlfriend/partner. Do you really want that kind of dishonesty as a foundation even in your friendship? You will only live to uncover their reels of deception when you are too far gone into it. Stay clear. There are honest single men out there.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (8 May 2018):
 Grow a moral compass. Say you get married someday - would you like to be cheated on? No. So don't do it.
Plenty of single FwBs available. Besides, you MAY fall for an FwB, so make sure he's at least single!
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (8 May 2018):
 Why choose a married man? What’s wrong with the billions of single men?
I think it would be more bizarre to not have a second thought about getting into an affair with a married man to be quite honest. This woman may love this man deeply, she may not, you’re only hearing his side of the story. The bottom line is that they’re married and whether there’s intimacy or not in their marriage, I think to get yourself involved in it would be the lowest of the low. If they have problems it’s on them to sort things, they don’t need outside interference.
You may only want something casual and that’s completely fine, just pick someone who’s single. Why ruin an innocent woman’s life?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 May 2018):
 Call me naive, but I suppose many women, or actually, MOST women , would have second thoughts before embarking in an FB type of thing with a married man. Also because... it is such a ,pardon me, silly quandary to be in nowadays. I mean, nothing wrong in wanting just casual fun , and not every r/ ship must necessarily " go somewhere ". But there are tons of sites and apps for FB and casual encounters and no strings,with lots of SINGLE guys looking for some low maintenance adventure. Not to mention the tons of SINGLE guys who, as our posters often complain, want to stay single and uncommitted and still have a bit of fun. So, why would you have to choose precisely a married guy, when there are so many less morally questionable alternatives ??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies, I'm glad you was honest and brutal, just what I needed! I have always had a conscience I just kept pushing it away. For the first time in a long time I met someone I connected with, and I felt comfortable with. But I can't go ahead with anything, it's not right, and I am not that person.
I knew I would get backlashed and I think that's what I wanted really so I can snap out of whatever this was.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 May 2018):
 Consider this, OP
At some point in life you MIGHT want a long term partner and I can tell you more MEN will not really WANT to date a woman who CHOSE to be a mistress to some horny married man. Many guys don't WANT a partner who lacks common sense and a moral compass. And yeah, CHEATING with a married man shows a lack of compassion, common sense and definitely a moral compass.
Now you can of course LIE and not tell a potential suitor about it, but the truth has way of coming out.
So maybe BEFORE you jump into this out of DESPERATION and HORNINESS you rethink this. It's NOT like you can't find a single F-buddy if THAT is all you want.
We are ALL capable of doing good or bad. You life is full of choices, so YOU get to decide which road you choose.
So what do you want to be? A homewrecker to SERVICE a married man? OR find a sex partner who is as single as yourself. No one is saying you HAVE to DATE the guy or look for long term anything, but AT least pick one who is single.
Maybe you realized that being a mistress is NOT something you really want to do? A mistake you don't really WANT to make? A road you don't want to travel?
Honestly? It's not like this is a hard choice. But it CAN have repercussions. And those YOU will have to live with.
Are you so desperate to have another woman's leftovers? Or not?
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