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Bf doesn't want to come to my graduation ceremony. Is this an indicator that our relationship is not worth my while?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 March 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 16 March 2018)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of one year does not want to come to my graduation ceremony, and honestly I'm pretty upset but don't know what to do. I don't want to force him, and i just dropped the subject. so I don't know what to think of our relationship if he doesn't think its important to be there for something important for me. I have no family in the state except my mom and brother so to be in a ceremony full of families and significant others with not many people cheering me on makes me feel pretty alone.anyways, is this an indicator that our relationship is not worth my while?

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A female reader, TrueLoveWaits2016 United States + , writes (16 March 2018):

Personally I do find the ceremonies boring. If my partner of loved one is graduating, I would gladly go to support them. Does he often not go to important events?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (15 March 2018):

CindyCares agony aunt Not necessarily. Maybe he has his own good reasons for not wanting to partecipate - like , for instance, distance, time and money ( say, if he has to travel from afar, which is costly and time consuming , and / or take time off from work ). Plus, as other posters have remarked, graduations are boring , exhausting affairs, I guess that if you really were there all by your lonesome self he'd bite the bullet and volunteer to attend, but knowing that you'll have your mom and brother attending, it won't even have crossed his mind; what do you want, a cast of thousands ? :)

Probably he does not even know how this graduation ceremony is important to you because, after all, not everybody takes this stuff so seriously ( not that you are wrong to take it seriously. Just a matter of tastes ).

Have you explained him how much important having ( more people ) there is important to you , and why, and how happy would you be to see him there too ?: maybe he does not even imagine it, since you glissed on the subject. This would not be " forcing " him, I doubt you could force him, or anybody as for that , to do something that he does not really want to do,- it's asking him to do something that you'd like him to do, but he still is free to refuse if just can't / won't do it, and to tell you the reasons why he does not think attending is a good idea.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2018):

God graduations are so boring.Maybe he does not want to sit in a hot crowed place for hours on end.Give him a break.It has nothing to do with how he feels about you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2018):

Hi

4 years ago my boyfriend said he didnt want to go either when i asked why he said he doesnt like crowded places when i stressed how important it was he came to the ceremony only (he didnt stay for long) 5 years later were still together and engaged! You need to talk to him understand his reasons why, explain how important it is to you and if needed compromise!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 March 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntWhat is his reason for not wanting to go? Surely he told you why?

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A female reader, Swagatikaacharya India +, writes (14 March 2018):

Dear miss lonely ...... Don't get disheartened .what you need to do it convey to your bf that it would really mean a lot to you if he attended your graduation . He might also have valid reasons so as not to attend the ceremony . ,he would surely make an effort to make you happy ..if he gives a vague reason for not attending ..maybe it is a red flag . Just have an honest conversation with him .whatever be the case enjoy yourself that day as you will have your loving family with you to celebrate your success .

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 March 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy doesn't he want to come?

That would be my first question. Could be he can't afford it, could be he can't take time off.

It's NOT the number of people you have at your graduation that matters, OP it's WHO shows up for you. IMHO. Think about it, you can have 50 people there who means little to you - sorta like "facebook type friends" who doesn't really know you" OR you can have your mom and brother there who really cares.

Which is why I'd question WHY he doesn't want to come.

The important thing here is that YOU graduate! Not how many people hoot and holler as you walk to get your diploma.

If he just don't want to because he doesn't see the big deal... then yeah, I'd question how invested he is in the relationship after all graduating is a BIG deal.

If he doesn't want to do it because he can't really afford it, then I think I can understand it. It can be a LOT of money for ONE day. And he CAN show support in other ways, if he chooses.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (14 March 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntHave you asked him WHY he doesn't want to come? Have you explained to him how important this is to you and why?

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