A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just ended a 10 month relationship. I ended it because he admitted he lied to me about having a vasectomy at the beginning of our relationship. Is this a common occurrence? I have never heard of a man lying about birth control before and I am furious. I’m 39 years old and do not want any more children and for 10 months I was under the impression this could not have happened. Now I’m anxiously waiting for my cycle to make sure it didn’t happen. He mostly pulled out anyway, I always assumed it was because he liked the sensation. It never occurred to me that he was still fertile. He’s saying I’m making it a much bigger deal than it is. And that I shouldn’t have ended it. I feel this is a huge issue. He put me at risk for 10 months and I was unaware. I know men don’t see things the same way women do, so before I cut all ties I wanted to hear points of view from both sides. Is it wrong to lie about a vasectomy in a sexual relationship? Especially one where a child could be unknowingly conceived....
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (9 June 2019):
 Absolute prick.
You made the correct decision.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): He was trying to trap you into having his kid.How deceitful.Is he controlling in other ways too.Dump him and dodge a bullet.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 June 2019):
 Oh my, this guy must have hypnotized you, to make you doubt if you mught have over -reacted !! Over-reacted ? You gotta be kidding. This is not a big deal, this is a huge, enormous, humongous deal ! He could have gotten you pregnant any time during these 10 months, pulling out is notoriously unreliable as a birth conttol method, and the fact that it did not happen yet, it only means that you have been very very lucky ( unless there are reproductive issues on either side which you don't know of not that it could not have happened, it could have happened rather easily, if we look at the stats !
Now, he knew you can't use contracception for medical reasons still he can't bother to wear a condom ? He'd rather get you pregnant agaunst your will, than losing a little bit in terms of physical sensation ?
What an imbecile. Not even if he were some addle-brained teenage dude from some episode of " Sixteen and pregnant ".
Of course he tries to pass it off as it is not such a big deal and you are being hypersensitive. Because he realize that what he did is so arrogant , selfish and irresponsible to have him firmlt labelled as a total idiot at best, or a sociopath at worst, and nobody likes to say " Allright, ty caught me : I am a total idiot and / or a sociopath ". Much better making it pass as all your fault, and of your delicate sensitivities !
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2019): Yes you should have ended it..You did the right thing.He lied to your face over and over.You cannot trust him.He lies.I bet that is not the only lie.You know you can do much better...like a man who does not lie to you that you can actually trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): If you can't use birth control, condoms are essential and no vasectomy should change that. Don't keep risking pregnancy with ANY guy, whether this asshat lied or not.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (7 June 2019):
 No different to a woman lying to a man that she is on contraception. Bloody disgusting act on his behalf. Yes, you did the right thing. I cant fathom why he would do something like this then have the audacity to think nothing of it.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (7 June 2019):
 I'm shocked that you have gotten into a place where you're even questioning whether or not this even remotely okay. In no universe ANYWHERE is this okay.
The ONLY place you should be questioning yourself is when you didn't aadd in extra protection. Vasectomies are not infallible, and mistakes can still happen.
However, this guy is a TOTAL SCUMBAG. A raging liar, toying with YOUR life, and not to mention is toying with FUTURE LIVES. Good lord, he doesn't take new life very seriously, does he? Just a LIVING, EXPENSIVE AS HELL LIFETIME COMMITMENT, no big deal. Ughhhh, be so relieved you cut this guy out of your life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2019): It's an absolutely dreadful thing to do. And do you know what? He's now compounding his quite frankly AWFUL behaviour, by belittling the importance of it and tell you that you are over reacting.This man is bad news on many levels. He didn't CARE....not ONE JOT, how much he put you at risk of something so life changing as having another child, especially an unwanted one and then makes out that YOU'RE the bad guy!!!Well done on finishing with him and ….KEEP him finished with. I don't think you would ever trust him again about anything. Someone who can lie about something so huge, is not someone to have a relationship with.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2019): OP here, we were tested prior to starting a sexual relationship. It’s one of my requirements. We were also together for 2 months before any sex started, I also cannot take birth control due to a history of blood clots. I trusted him, yet his still acting like this is no big deal. It’s making me crazy. I am cutting all contact. I’m glad y’all feel the same, I hate to end a relationship in the heat of the moment IF I had been overreacting. The thing is, we had even discussed having his nonexistent vasectomy reversed and I said no because a pregnancy would be extremely high risk for me due to my history and my age. That’s how the truth came out about the vasectomy. He kept a secret awhile longer after that convo and just have felt some guilt. His excuse? “I still protected you, I pulled out”. Which only further infuriated me. Pulling out is not always effective. I feel like I never knew this man AT ALL.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2019): He was wrong. SO wrong. And you are RIGHT to leave him. Good riddance. To lie about something so incredibly critical means he's probably hiding a bunch of other lies or will lie about more major things in the future. Good for you!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (6 June 2019):
 Of course it is wrong. This is your LIFE and the potential life of a child we are talking about. If he can lie to you about something like this, what else is he lying about?
You are not overreacting. Your gut instinct is right. Trust him.I do hope you are not pregnant. In future do not trust what a man tells you regarding contraception until you have been with him for a while and know him better. Always make sure YOU take responsibility for your own protection. It is not only pregnancy you risk by having unprotected sex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 June 2019):
 Total deal breaker on BOTH ends.
EVEN men with a vasectomy can in some instances STILL get a woman pregnant. It was OVER all not smart to NOT use birth control, BOTH of you. Even if he claimed to have had a vasectomy, YOU should STILL use condoms to avoid as many STD's as possible. Or did you both get tested BEFORE the relationship got sexual?
OP IT IS wrong to lie about, but it's ALSO wrong for you to leave the ENTIRE responsibility of NOT getting pregnant on HIS shoulders.
YOU are responsible for YOUR body, your reproduction and HE is responsible for his.
I think you should DEFINITELY cut him off and learn from this.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (6 June 2019):
 It's a massive breach of trust and consent. Don't rely on pulling out, though. No birth control, including vasectomies, is completely reliable. Always use two types of birth control and contraception. Do not get back with this liar either - especially since he sees it as no big deal.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2019): It is absolutely, 100% wrong to lie about that and it's even considered rape in some places because they would otherwise not have consented to sex. That said, vasectomies and birth control fail, so do NOT rely on pulling out.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (6 June 2019):
It’s a huge deal OP and you know it is. Your reaction is completely normal so don’t let him convince you otherwise. I’m sure if the shoe were on the other foot and you’d lied about being on the pill, he’d be just as angry as you are. And rightly so, it’s a disgraceful thing to do to someone.
He’s proved he’s a liar and untrustworthy, so stick to your guns and cut him off. Fingers crossed all is well with your cycle too, and next time maybe use a birth control option of your own so no-one can put you in this position again? All the best.
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