A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't get over my ex.. It's been 8 months but I think about him 10times a day.. Dream about him often.. It makes it worse when he calls to tell me he misses me.... But his an ex for reasons..his not aware I miss him... But I don't know why the feeling won't stop... His an ex... There are reasons why it ended... But I miss him like crazy.. His smile.. His eyes.. The time we spent together...his sense of humor... Ofcos his an ex because he is a liar and not man enough.. But my heart won't let this one go...I know u will say it Wil pass...but why can't these feeling go away...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (8 August 2019):
 Good to know that it is not because he is abusive and dangerous. You are not alone. Many people go back to unhealthy relationships. Some die of the habit. Great advice here to block his contact with you. You have your head in the right place, just keep telling your rebellious emotions it isn't going to happen.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 August 2019):
 Because you indulge those feelings, and cultivate them.
Why are you still in contact with your ex ? Obviously, you are not at a stage as of now where you can be just friends
and from what you say, if he is such a liar and a dishonest, you don't NEED a friend like him- keep him off you ! Which would include also blocking him on social media and phone or, at the very least, stopping taking his calls .
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 August 2019):
 You've got to FILL THE VOID! You ended things with him, so you have a gaping hole in your heart and in your time! Well, fill your TIME with other things to do! Become so busy, make your life rich and full, so that you don't have time to think about him. You'll be shocked that you went a whole day without thinking of him! Then a whole WEEK! Then a whole MONTH!. It happens!
Pick up some hobbies and activities and hangout places that you didn't go to as a couple! Make some new friends that he never met! Start dating again!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2019): You're punishing yourself. You're allowing him to call you to snatch off your band-aids and pick the scabs on your emotional-wounds. You're being a weakling, and feeling sorry for yourself. Sores don't heal that you pick-at!
Stop it! JUST STOP IT!!! Take the power out of his hands to pull your strings and toy with your emotions.
CUT ALL TIES, AND GO NO CONTACT!!!
He gets an ego-boost by calling to tell you he misses you. He also gets a twisted-thrill knowing you're still hurting over him. Here's something you didn't know! He's also protecting his male-ego. How? He knows as long as you're yearning and pining for him; you're too distracted with grief to move-on; or to find another bigger and better penis! He hates the thought of you being with another man; but he doesn't want you back. He's already over you!
He just feeds on your lingering-affections like a vampire. Slowly draining your soul; so you'll be useless to other men. He doesn't want you, but wants no-one else to have you either!
On top of being a weakling, you keep attesting to yourself how much you miss him and can't let-go! How can you, when all you do is obsess and ruminate over lover-boy all the day long?
Girlfriend, get a grip! I'm going to slam you with some tough-love; because I was in your shoes, and I had to learn how to pull myself back. I got dumped! We didn't even fight or disagree, he just decided he wasn't good enough for me. I deserved better(???) What the...???!!! At least gimme a good fight; so I'd know what I did wrong! You know what I mean? BTW, I did 100X better! He's a prophet!
Anyway, I cut all contact. I deleted, blocked, and erased all traces; so my mind could rest. I didn't talk about him, I didn't have reminders around my house about him, I did not search or stalk social media; and I avoided any places he could appear. I stopped whining and feeling sorry for myself; and when I had a relapse, I just distracted myself.
If you're an affirmed drama-queen, you feed on drama and waddle in pity. Take-off your mourning-attire and live, girlfriend! He doesn't really miss you. He's keeping you in suspended-animation, and caught in a time-warp. Maybe even keeping the possibility of a booty-call available when he has dry-spells. You like showing-off your vulnerability and weakness; so he knows just how to push your buttons. Stop being so prissy, Missy!
Life does not revolve around him. If it does, you are going to be devastated when you get the news he's engaged. If you keep obsessing over exes, they'll continuously pour salt on your wounds. Don't be offended, but you're too old for this schoolgirl-foolishness!
Toughen-up, sweetheart. Pull-it together! Shake it off and purge his toxic-presence out of your system. Move-on!
Take some time to work on yourself and heal. You need to develop and tap into your inner-strength; and learn how to pull-out of sinking-emotions before they decline into depression. You will miss him, you're human; but you're not consciously fighting for your freedom. You're staring at the phone, waiting for his messages; and I suspect you're also stalking him on social media. One goes with the other.
Why am I being so harsh? Because I've been there and done that, sweetheart! I didn't stalk, nor host pity parties, however! Just did some silly human-stuff we do out of grief!
I wrote this:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/when-will-i-finally-get-over-the-breakup.html
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (8 August 2019):
 Cut all contact with him. THAT would be step #1. Talking to him still is the same as not letting him go.
He is constant reminder. You know he wasn't a good fit and there is NO GOOD reason to keep in touch.
Eventually you will accept that he wasn't the one for you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (7 August 2019):
 You obviously remember the good things about the relationship, not the bad things. You remember the nice things about him, not the nasty things.
Each time a nice thought about him pops into your mind, replace it immediately with one of the reasons you finished with him. He might have lovely eyes but he is a liar. He might have a gorgeous smile but he is a liar. Don't allow the "nice" thoughts about him to linger but keep reminding yourself why you finished with him.
Also, block his number and stop letting him live rent-free inside your head. Moving on will be a lot easier if he is not phoning you all the time. He is phoning because he thinks he can wear you down into changing your mind. You need to either give him another chance (which doesn't sound like a good idea) or you need to draw a line under this relationship. It is little wonder you can't stop thinking about him if he is phoning you all the time, telling you how much he misses you. He should have thought of all that before he lied. Are you perhaps enjoying the attention and even savouring a little revenge? The problem is, it is hurting YOU more than it is hurting HIM.
You KNOW he is an ex for good reason. You repeat it over and over in your post. Leave him in the past where he belongs and cut contact with him. You are not giving yourself chance to forget him or move on.
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