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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 11 May 2010: I wish you the best with everything. Recording seems sneaky, but going through this myself at one time, my ex seemed possessed at home, but in public, especially with those who have authority, she'd come across as a "I can do no wrong" angel. Take ... (read in full...)
Everytime I think about sex I get a mental block because of my past.
Q. Hi. My question is basically how do I get over my bad sexual experiences and give sex a fresh start with an open mind? This is my sex experience so far though...I grew up next door to my cousins who were a couple years older than me. When i was ...
A. 25 April 2010: Watching porn is one thing. What I want you to do is to close your eyes, and develop your own personal fantasy. What this does is a remaps your view of sex. We use mental visualizations a lot in neuro-linguistics programming. When done with intent ... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 25 February 2010: Your welcome. I hope all works out for you, the kids and your wife. I've had experience with those who have BPD, but don't know what it's like being the one who looks through the eyes of turmoil as people do with this disorder, and setting the ... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 23 February 2010: To the other poster, not nuts, but about as close as you can get with a trauma related disorder as you can get to nuts, or at least from where she is now to developing "multiple personality disorder."
I'm sure with some of her behaviors, you've n... (read in full...)
I feel the need to cheat...
Q. Recently I have come across a huge temptation to cheat. I am not married to the man I am with and am only 19 so the feeling that I should be able to do whatever I want is strongly in my mind, however I know that, that is never the case in life. Me ...
A. 22 February 2010: Once you start saying you want to do something but without the knowledge of your boyfriend, that's when you begin entering into problems. You say you love your boyfriend very much, but you'd be willing to risk being with him for self gratification. ... (read in full...)
I was raped by my ex boyfriend
Q. bout a month to 2 months ago i was at my babys dads house who i am not with we have been split for a while now well we were having sex and he asked me if he could put it in my ass i said no he said comeon y not i said no sorry i cant do that so we ...
A. 21 February 2010: I don't like the word rape, its too generalized. By definition, I would say this was an act of sexual assault, whichever degree would be determined by local laws. It doesn't matter that you were having sex. He asked if he could, you said no, he did ... (read in full...)
Old wives cure for acne
Q. Is urine good for acne and for the facial skin? My friend told me this and I don't know if to believe her....
A. 21 February 2010: Call a doctor, research it yourself, don't try it until you know for sure. If that was all that's needed, acne medication companies wouldn't have so many people buying their products. At your age, by ex told her best friend, if you stand on your ... (read in full...)
Should I continue my affair for a chance at some happiness
Q. Hi my name is michelle i have been married for 20yrs, unhappily for 10yrs to a much older man. ( 30yrs my senior.) I have been having an affair to a single man for the last 4yrs and love him very much. My problem is, that he doesn't like me ...
A. 21 February 2010: Should you continue deceiving your husband? I'd say no. And it doesn't matter what this person gives you. No he didn't give you a valentines card, and he's not in love, just wants sex. Some people who go with married people do it because they know ... (read in full...)
My husband is unhappy because people now know about our marriage
Q. I left the military to be with husband. We kept our relationship on a down low because he is an officer and I was enlisted. But, I got out so that I could be with him and marry him with no problems. I had envited three of my closes friends from ...
A. 21 February 2010: I believe he is overreacting. People are congratulating, you left the military so there would not be an issue with your being married. There is honor with your marriage, those who stop by to extend their congratulations are, in a sense, ... (read in full...)
Guilt about having sex with my girlfriend.
Q. hello, I am above 20. all of my friends enjoy sex with their girlfriends but I fear that I will feel guilty doing so so I dont have sex with girlfriend and feel annoyed for that...Friends dont feel any guilt and live happily and I feel like ...
A. 21 February 2010: Without considering your friends and their lives, this is about you and your girlfriend. How does she feel about this decision not to have sex?
As far as guilt, that too comes from your beliefs around not doing it. When you are ready, don't se... (read in full...)
Everytime I think about sex I get a mental block because of my past.
Q. Hi. My question is basically how do I get over my bad sexual experiences and give sex a fresh start with an open mind? This is my sex experience so far though...I grew up next door to my cousins who were a couple years older than me. When i was ...
A. 21 February 2010: You say sex as "going after" a "challenge" or "competition", it's not. People in your past took what they should not have had access to, their gone, so it's time to start working on you to reduce these behaviors. The one I saw stick out the most was ... (read in full...)
I want a boyfriend but guys only want me for sex!
Q. everyone i meet say am really sweet, friendly and caring.. ive been single for 14 months and ive had 8 guys come my way and they ALL WANTED SEX:( and off course i didn't give in all these guys have disappeared..cos i want relationship +sex ...
A. 21 February 2010: You've lost faith in love? First, let me ask you this, you said your physical characteristics these guys find appetizing, how do you feel about yourself. Deep inside, the self love or intimacy you hold true? The way you feel about yourself is ... (read in full...)
How do I control getting wet too easily?
Q. I have a little bit of a problem. I notice that whenever something turns me on I get wet pretty easily. Is there anyway I can control this or make sure that it doesn't come as soon?...
A. 21 February 2010: This would better be answered by a doctor. With your age, I'd assume your in the puberty stages of growing. This may be a hormonal imbalance due to these physical and chemical changes, that may subside as you mature.
Just remember when speaking... (read in full...)
We have been together 9 years and are engaged and I still haven't even met his son.
Q. Hi All, I have been with my fiance going on 9 years. We got engaged a year and a half ago but have never discussed wedding plans, his choice....whenever i used to begin, he would change the subject, now i don't bother. He is divorced and has a 21...
A. 21 February 2010: You answered your own question. Re-read it carefully, and ask yourself this: In a "relationship" that is satisfying, should either partner treat the other the way you had been treated here?
The other question is, why would you allow this treatmen... (read in full...)
She left me to find herself. Should I stay with her as friends or try and get her back?
Q. My girlfriend and i broke up a week ago. She told me she wanted a break to find herself. She has recently started seeing another guy. She said she wants to be friends with me still and cant imagine not talking to me.She has told me how she is ...
A. 21 February 2010: If you are comfortable in being friends, do. I would not recommend getting back into a relationship. Finding yourself, has nothing to do with, finding yourself in someone else's arms. That was a poor excuse for breaking it off, so I'd stay out of a ... (read in full...)
Am I wrong for thinking she had her chance and it's my turn
Q. My boyfriend is still talking to his ex that he had proposed to n gotten pregnant. He wants to have all that with me, but he says he has an bond with her and he cant help but find out if she is ok. But im not sure she knows about me. If she knew ...
A. 21 February 2010: You can't convince anyone of anything they don't see or aren't willing to accept. I can understand, where people have history together, a feeling to assure their well being, but their has to be a line drawn, because doing so should not have an ... (read in full...)
How do I get my old teacher to be with me??
Q. I'm graduating high school in a couple of months and I can't wait to finally start my life! However, I've fallen hard with a former teacher of mine who's 31. I'm legal now and don't want to cause him to lose his job or make him feel uncomfortable so ...
A. 21 February 2010: Driven by desire...
Question time. Why do you assume you'd be bashed on? Why do you justify the reason you feel you should not be? Is it okay to feel the way you do, not just for your teacher, but in general? You are saying, already in the cont... (read in full...)
Can I deal or stay with my jealous wife?
Q. my wife gets jealous every time she thinks im looking at a woman . the crazy part is that i will see her look a a girl or woman walking on even in her car and after she sees her she will look at me intell she passes to see if i look that way. what ...
A. 20 February 2010: Definitely start the cam to record. How long has she been this way? I would like to ask if you know anything traumatic that has happened in her past? Such as childhood sexual, physical of mental abuse. Also if anything has happened to her as a teen ... (read in full...)
I don't see myself as sexy, I can only see myself as "cute"
Q. My issue is that I don't see myself as "sexy." This poses a problem since I am in a relationship. I see myself as "cute" - not really how you want to see yourself when you're intimate with your significant other. My boyfriend says to me, "you're t...
A. 17 February 2010: First of all, how do you see him. I doubt he sees himself the way you do. Just as, it's not your position to judge how he sees you, or to force yourself to see yourself the same way.
So you see him, and he sees you. How you feel or see yourself... (read in full...)
Hot and cold love...
Q. Hi, i need some unbiased advice!..... basically, i was in a relationship from a young age, 15. At the age of 20, i fell out of love with my boyf, and fell totally for my best guy friend who id known for three years. I ended my relationship nt ...
A. 16 February 2010: Each relationship, we learn what to do, what not to do, we love, hurt and develop fears. Love is extremely strong and we act or reaction from the desire to be loved or the fear of loosing it. It sounds as if he's confused with his direction, or by ... (read in full...)
Is my bf gay/ curious?? Please help
Q. My bf and I have been going out for just over a year. About a month ago I moved out on my own because I could no longer tolerate the living situation I was in. For 6 months my bf lived together and in those six months our relationship went from ...
A. 16 February 2010: Definitely time to move on. It sounds like, with your writing that (in a way) your trying to justify this, as in where it pertains to you. Self blame, confusion, etc. That is normal. My exwife use to mess with me, stating she'd become lesbian, so I ... (read in full...)
Is my bf gay/ curious?? Please help
Q. My bf and I have been going out for just over a year. About a month ago I moved out on my own because I could no longer tolerate the living situation I was in. For 6 months my bf lived together and in those six months our relationship went from ...
A. 15 February 2010: As a strait-male, I'd wait for a female to offer a massage, before accepting one. I'd pay for a massage at a parlor if I really needed one. Something does seem strange with his behavior, especially the "naked" whatever that is that you said they did ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 15 February 2010: I haven't been on for a little while, had some medical issues to tend to.
Love doesn't disappear, why? It is what it is. To really, truly and fully experience love is an exhilarating feeling like no other, and one to be treasured, even when you ... (read in full...)
I was raped and need advice on what to do
Q. i'am really lost and really do not know what to do, it's really hard to say but i have not told anyone in the 2years that it has happened. i was raped when i was 15 there was more to it, as i formed an attachment towards this man. he was a security ...
A. 15 February 2010: Trauma, by being raped is like you watch a scary movie and keep playing it over and over again in your head. Trusting others is difficult, especially when assaulted by someone you had trust in.
Even though you went through this experience, it does... (read in full...)
I need to be honest but I'm afraid of destroying our friendship...
Q. ok, here goes, brutal honesty even though I know you're all going to shoot me down! A few months ago I went on this thing called playstation home on my ps3. its like a socialising platform. you create your avatar (character) and you can chat to ...
A. 29 December 2009: Good job, and needing time is an understandable response. That huge weight lifted of your shoulders, quite refreshing isn't it? That feeling now is normal. What I don't want you to ask is, what if I started as a guy on there? Ask this, if you had ... (read in full...)
My new boyfriend is great, but I'm worried about my ex
Q. I am stuck in the middle of a real dilemma and it's tearing me apart on the inside. This year my boyfriend (now ex-) of 2.5 years and I both went off to college. During my first week there, I met this incredible guy. We started talking and we both ...
A. 23 December 2009: OK, you're complicated...who isn't. If your ex is clueless, and you're not together, are you sure it's he who's clueless or can you learn from this experience as well?
A quote (but can't recall where I heard it): "Never leave someone you LOVE for... (read in full...)
I need to be honest but I'm afraid of destroying our friendship...
Q. ok, here goes, brutal honesty even though I know you're all going to shoot me down! A few months ago I went on this thing called playstation home on my ps3. its like a socialising platform. you create your avatar (character) and you can chat to ...
A. 17 December 2009: Wouldn't it be interesting if you told her your a guy, and turned out she's a guy too?
Expand the outcome of your options. (1) Tell her, may loose her, which will hurt, or she may see it as okay, be understanding and you can begin a friendsh... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm caught in the middle!!!
Q. Hi! I'm a seventeen-year-old senior in high school. M y question is about peer pressure and judgmental people. Warning: it's a long story. One of my friends "Skye" I have known since freshmen year. We get along and all, but over the past few months, ...
A. 17 December 2009: Remain neutral. It's not you issue. It's also not any of their issue either. It happened, they broke up, end of story. The problem with teens is when someone makes a wrong choice, everyone else keeps reminding them and calling names etc. because of ... (read in full...)
Mixing alcohol and drugs
Q. I'm hoping that someone can give me some advice here. Can being on a course of anti depressants and drinking alcohol be destructive to someone and cause them to make rash decisions? I would really appreciate some advice on this subject. Thank ...
A. 13 December 2009: It depends on the type of depression, severity etc. I'd recommend against combining since alcohol is a depressant, and mixing a depressant with depression, medicated or not, can enhance depressive symptoms. So this is one of those "it depends" ... (read in full...)
I don't want history to repeat itself!
Q. I'm about to break up with my long distance boyfriend when I come home for Christmas break. I can't stop crying. It's light crying, not excessive but it still hurts so much. I love him but things between us have only been getting worse, although he ...
A. 11 December 2009: Your right, you will become depressed. The reasons you will is that deep down you don't want it to end. You want to end it because you fear what might happen, that hasn't happened, and that their is a possibility it wouldn't happen?
How long are... (read in full...)
How do I break the bad news to my Mom?
Q. this is not really sex or love or anything, but i need advice on how to break some bad news to my mum. see, i through being foolish got my laptop infected by a virus, and i sent it off the factory for other repairs hoping it would be fixed, which...
A. 11 December 2009: I'd just tell her. A virus is so easy to get on a computer. Get a good virus protection program. I won't even log in on the internet without one. I've had many years of computer training, and I still need a program cause a virus tries to sneak in ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my sister's ex!
Q. I have been struggling with the right thing to do for years. Four years ago I met a wonderful man, whom I am still with.(not married but we do have a daughter) The problem is I have been in love with someone else all this time. I was honest with him ...
A. 2 December 2009: I do agree that you only live once. In your situation, you have a daughter, so your decisions affect her as well. He's a good man.....daughter loves her dad.....stay together and raise her or cause her to be raised in a separated family environment. ... (read in full...)
HELP!! I'm headed for a breakdown!
Q. right, here goes... i don't know what to do with myself. in theory my life is good, i'm at college, got a decent relationship with my mum, got an absolutely amazing guy who would do anything for me and has asked me to marry him. but undernea...
A. 2 December 2009: These little things that set you off, sounds like they're only triggered by the larger trauma you've experienced. The affect of these experiences is what's causing this change in behavior. You have really been through a lot.
Last week, what hap... (read in full...)
What are crisco parties?
Q. What are crisco parties and bird whatever? I looking for some ideas for some kinky fun not spanking so hard I'm bruised but fun and exciting for both of us....
A. 2 December 2009: I looked up crisco party, it's a combination of Christmas and disco party. ... (read in full...)
He is blowing hot and cold and I am left confused
Q. I was dating this guy for a year and everything in our relationship was great. We were loving and romantic to eachother and the physical part was good too. Then during the last month of our relationship he was acting weird like not saying i love you ...
A. 2 December 2009: OK, what is your real age? what is his age? reason being, teens to adults act different ways at different ages. not saying their isn't an exception, but in general with high school and early teen boys and girls seek affection and avoid it in ... (read in full...)
After her affair, all her flaws seriously annoy me. Is it possible to fall out of love with somebody?
Q. I've been involved with a girl for three years. We've been in a long distance relationship for almost two years. I've tried hard to make the long distance thing work. It almost did, as she is planning on moving to live with me in 6 months after ...
A. 2 December 2009: An affair breaks trust, and does affect the way you consider your relationship or see her. I've seen it real bad where someone has an affair, they decide to make it work, but the victim of the affair sees their partner as being dirty.
Our brai... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my sister's ex!
Q. I have been struggling with the right thing to do for years. Four years ago I met a wonderful man, whom I am still with.(not married but we do have a daughter) The problem is I have been in love with someone else all this time. I was honest with him ...
A. 2 December 2009: Is there a question here or are you only making an open statement about how you feel about this other person?... (read in full...)
I am a girl and I want her to love me back
Q. I'm a 14 year old female who is bisexual. A few days ago I told one of my close friends who is a girl that I like them. They said they didn't feel the same, but today they texted me saying this: "How do you tell a person that sometimes when you talk ...
A. 1 December 2009: Phase or not, her text says she likes you too... (read in full...)
I'm proposing to my wife that we "float" our relationship. What do you think?
Q. My marriage is in serious trouble after 15 years. We have 2.5 years old lovely daughter, which naturally makes things more complex. I am considering proposing that we would "float" our relationship. Here's how I think it could work: We continu...
A. 1 December 2009: You may find dating your wife odd. I find it saves marriages. Your wife was a girl a long time before becoming an engineer. Oh wait, you do want to date, just other people.
What happens often in marriage is getting into a rut or routine of just ... (read in full...)
I've had bad luck with guys - any tips to keep this new one?
Q. So here's the story: I'm 24 and have been in several small relationships (a few months or less) and one 2 year relationship about 3 1/2 years ago. Our relationship ended very badly, he cheated on me several times, and broke my heart. I though...
A. 28 November 2009: That's why you set up your boundaries, you're looking for something real, not just sexual. Friends with benefits is a relationship too, in its own way. So you need to establish what kind of relationship. And that is the plan, scare off the ones who ... (read in full...)
I've had bad luck with guys - any tips to keep this new one?
Q. So here's the story: I'm 24 and have been in several small relationships (a few months or less) and one 2 year relationship about 3 1/2 years ago. Our relationship ended very badly, he cheated on me several times, and broke my heart. I though...
A. 28 November 2009: The issue is, the boundaries you have for yourself are not conducive to a real relationship. You can't have sex in hoping something is going to develop from it. Not saying sex is not okay, but you're drawing people who only want that.
Your ... (read in full...)
I'm proposing to my wife that we "float" our relationship. What do you think?
Q. My marriage is in serious trouble after 15 years. We have 2.5 years old lovely daughter, which naturally makes things more complex. I am considering proposing that we would "float" our relationship. Here's how I think it could work: We continu...
A. 28 November 2009: These types of arrangements generally end up in disaster. Either by not learning what you wish to learn, or by one person finding someone they like better and staying with them. You know those who say, "I didn't want to fall for them, it just ... (read in full...)
He cheated and I thought I was over it but I still feel paranoid. Is this normal?
Q. I have a problem. Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 3 years. He is my first true love and I haven't been able to notice any other guy since. I am at Uni now and we are still together as we had agreed (he is still at home). He has...
A. 27 November 2009: You will be, until you come to terms with the past. It happened, but if you forgave him of that, you need to with your whole self.
Most of our emotions stem from two main areas, although within those areas their are different ranges and forms of e... (read in full...)
At 16 I'm Pregnant with my teacher's child
Q. MOD NOTE: Poster is in a vulnerable situation, aunts DO NOT give nasty or negative advice PLEASE!!! Oh my God!Even me myself don't know what to do. I'm 16 years old.For the past year,since I started high school(it's the way in Macedonia-from 15...
A. 30 October 2009: 1) Do your parents know your pregnant? How do you think they will take this situation? I'm not talking about being with a teacher, only the pregnancy.
This is your baby. How or who you got pregnant with isn't as important as your choice that's b... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 30 October 2009: I'm not going to pity your home life. When I question, I do so to get a clearer view of who I'm talking to and the underlying cause of the question that's asked. Since your picture is religious based, I'm going to touch on your home life from that ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 29 October 2009: The boundaries have been crossed. Why do you keep falling for your teachers? I can't recall, and not motivated to read through all the messages, but I believe I asked you what your home life is like. Your relationship with your parents and such. You ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 3 October 2009: Stop allowing yourself to get torn apart. You need to be grateful you have a teacher who really cares what you do, and if it's the best thing for you. She's made an impact on your life. That doesn't mean you two are meant to date.
During your lif... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 27 September 2009: Why do you think feeling the way you do is wrong? It may not be acceptable to act on these feelings, but how you feel can't be judged as being right or wrong.
I've worked where clients or co-workers were attractive making the mind wonder. ... (read in full...)
How can I get over my spanish teacher?
Q. i am really confused because i am a 15 year old young woman and i am in love with my spanish teacher. i thiought i was in love with another teacher about 2 years ago but he was a worthless piece of crap. what confuses me is that my spanish teacher ...
A. 25 September 2009: I want you to think about this question thoroughly, and not let it go in one ear and out the other. Do you love her, or you do love the feeling of being cared for?
I've found teens who lack physical affection at home, fall for authority figures ... (read in full...)
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